What I want for Christmas

It's been a while since Ive counted my blessings. I figured I should be doing so. Recently I have been startled by a question 'what do you want for Christmas". I gave in to that thought, I tried to induldge in materialistic fantasies, but it was a fruitless attempt. my answer was 'nothing'. Is this irrefragable evidence that I have already what I need, and want. Or does it simply mean I have very little desires for materialistic wants?

If you notice carefully enough, my blog, my friendster, you will not find a segmentwith "my wants" because it doesn't exist. Or it includes stuff that are either too big, or too negligible to be mentioned.

I am on a quest to find out what materialistic needs I have, embedded deep within the stygian darkness of my soul. that doesn't sound very right but heck. I know, I want a R4 which is like a flashcart for the Nintendo DS.( to play homebrew games..) My parents have agreed to buy it for me, (without any consequences), but still, since 2-3 weeks ago, I haven't got that determination to get out of my house, and buy that little thing. I want it, I know it, but Im just too lazy to go get it. Perhaps, I really don't really need it anyway.

Laziness probably is a virtue in that sense you will not spend much money.

I always wanted a Nintendo Wii, but somehow it seems pointless to buy one now. how many hours can I spend infront of a gaming console wasting my youth away. Games are fun, but still, I am too lazy to persuade my parents to buy one. They would, after so much problematic and repeated "harassment", but I figured it would end up as a white elephant. And afterall, it doesn't seem that appealing to me anymore.

Games are out. So the search continues. And just yesterday I ventured deeper and realise, " oh I don't have a Mp3 player! ". Nice, I started exploring deeper. My brother told me about this Ipod touch that Glen and Dominic bought. There was this impetus within me, I suddenly felt the idea of getting one to be extremely alluring. I thought about it.

And till now, I am still brooding over it. You see, the problem here with me is (imagine if you can). I identify something I really want. And then I analyze the steps to get it, and next I analyze the feasiblity of getting one. Then finally I get lazy and end up scrapping the whole idea!!! That is why I never get things bought. Usually, these cases are things whereby I can afford, and it is a good idea to get one, but usually, more than often, I don't get it. because I am too lazy to go get one.

Perhaps, I still have materialistic desires lurking within me, (the thrill of new gadgets and toys are definitely extant, and have not been effaced). But why am I too lazy to go out and get what I want.

Let me seriously consider getting an Ipod touch. I think it's good to get myself something once in awhile since I haven't really spend money in a long time. Sometimes, money shouldn't be left to breed dust. But certainly I am buying things for the sake of buying things. Though material cannot bring happiness, but even temporary gratitude is fine for the time being. Since I will be going overseas for quite a long period of time this end of years, maybe I should get something exciting to accompany me.

It amuses me that I have to crack my brain so hard to even think of what I want. I wonder why it feels so unnatural not to buy anything for so long.

End of the day, I think there's a good chance that I will not get that Ipod touch anyway. Even if my parents agree to it, I will be too lazy to go out and buy one. the only exception here is a new handphone because more often than not, when I need to shop for a new phone, I just lost mine and currently phone-less.

I don't really see the point in this post. But all the while my postes have been extremely emotional. Perhaps, a change would be good. For now.

I am calm and stable now. Yet I am sitting duck, for this delicate equipoise will vanish and then, I will sink into the abyss once again. I knew it, it's a cycle.

Good bye, Halcyon days...

Hello.
pseudo-emotions
(if there is such a word...)