Random

I would say that I have a lot up my mind right now.

It's almost causing me to suffocate. but first, recount maintenance.

The past week was great. I played lots of badminton. two times, and I even sacrificed my nights out. It's been something which I have neglected for a long time. But it's pretty fun! And I really enjoyed myself! it's something I would sacrifice my nights out for, and it helps me get fitter too!

Yes, badminton is actually more tiring than people think.

I've been running yes. But I failed SOC again this week. I can't clear the low wall this time. I used to be able to, for a short period of time. I blame my weak will. For my height, I need a good height at jumping, and if I fail the jumping, I don't have enough muscular strength to bring me up with all that load. I didn't make an effort at a good jump and I just gave up at the spot. I didn't attempt the other stations for I have lost my number tag. But what makes me think I can clear the rope and the swing trainer. Those are killers for me! Poor upper body strength. I can run for long distances without really feeling tired, but is SOC really about running! Damn those obstacles! I wonder if I'm going to pass SOC before I ORD. Time is ticking.

It's mid april! It's some 10 months 3 weeks more to that sacred day. I wonder if I can clear IPPT with silver in the next couple of weeks. been sometime since I trained pull-ups. My far-fetched dream of pasting the Gold badge on my smart no 4 is now like so distant. But if I start training now, that day may happen. that day where I can leap like a frog! Damn SBJs I hate you.

Likely my diploma exam would be in May 2011 or Dec 2010 I have to decide. But first I shall just practice as much as possible. Beethoven and Bach have to be mastered by July if I want to take Dec this year. Sigh. Damn NS, it's wasting my precious time.

Variation 20

I turn 20 today.

There's going to be no celebration, no party, no parade (gasp!), no whatsoever. I'm WAS thinking of doing a birthday 10 km run, but I fell sick just yesterday and had to run 5 km. 5 km was short distance so I guess I was still able to complete it without dying and with decent timing. I was just moderately annoyed seeing so many people catch up with me. (that doesn't really usually happen does it).

Vivocity in the afternoon for some discussion thing which was fun. Been sometime since we did some brainstorming. it's almost like creativity challenge, albeit army style. It's quite interesting trying to be innovative to solve the current existing problems and aiming to implement cost saving mechanisms to the current situation.

The bottom line is that "never judge an idea by how stupid or smart it may sound on the first hearing".

Walking around in the mall is quite a neglected experience. Going home on the crammed train is also quite rare for me. But it was for some reason, a pleasant experience. It's hard to listen to classical music on the train. I was trying my best to listen to a Mozart Sonata, quite to no avail. Sadly. Some fresh air, pretty girls walking around, and the advent of a new weekend (which happens to be my anniversary of existence). It's quite refreshing I would say.

What am I going to do today? No party, lonely birthday with my computer, myself and me! Planning to go running later on, maybe some piano. then dinner with my family. it's cliche, but I guess it's only a few more years whereby I get to enjoy such company. I've come to realize that my brothers are all growing up, just like I am. While we're all young and together, I should appreciate it. Even living together, can be bliss.

Before I know it

I have to book back in again. tomorrow I might be doing duty at night. Swimming on thursday and early fall out for nights out. Friday I heard it's some special outing somewhere. NS life is pretty cool nowadays huh. I just had SBO run today, and island wide driving.

I'm really lonely nowadays. But this solitude is peaceful and I like it.

I'm so never going to beat that 100 plus happy birthdays my brother just received. I don't think I'll be ever so popular to receive a lifetime supply of cards just on one birthday. :X

I'm waiting. I'm like waiting for so many things to happen. Waiting for my life to turn from less than okay to okay to great I'm just assuming it's an exponential rise from here. It may not, but I'd like to think so.

looking forward to. Is a good three words. Definitely.

Because looking forward to something, is certainly one of the top 10 feelings u can feel and that is intensified if that word after to is something great. that makes it double great. or exponential great. Someone plot me a graph.

Before I know it.

Lazy Monday Noon

I'm on off today!

Hip Hip Hooray!

Nope, my mood is not as good as it sounds. I have almost close to nothing to do at home. Restless, yes. I have tons to do, but I am missing the sacred prerequisite to everything-MOOD. Restless. Restless.

I just went to take my basic driving theory test. It's so shocking that I actually stumbled across weird questions. (which I find it quite amusing), some are contradictory, and some have potentially two right answers depending on context. Sometimes, it's difficult to think "simple" and give simple answers. I always find myself thinking, what if. What if. I think too much. Still I passed. I don't know if I got full marks, but I was secretly hoping the printing machine would blurt out my score, but no, it didn't. All I know was that I passed. I was secretly happy because there were weird questions which baffled me and answers which are so paradoxically quizzical.

One down, two more to go.

I am really hoping I can get through the driving test in one shot. Because you never know if there is a dashing oncoming car from "another dimension" ready to make you fail. Or a teleporting bicycle or kids who dash across the road to save their little pet dragon.

There's still sometime to go. For now, I shall just look forward to sit in a four wheeled machinery that has air condition and windows. And then I'm so gonna buy a convertible and drive wearing helmets. Now, tell me that is so cool!

About some 10 hours more to book in! I shall make good use of the time. Sleep, Ty, Sleep. And thanks to that, I only have about 9.5 off days left in my account. Need to earn more!

11 months, seem quite optimistic to me. It's much better than 12. And 10 is better than 11 and 9 is better then 10. But end of the day, it will just converge to one point. it will explode all at once, we'll be overflowed with orgasmic freedom, and then everyday life kicks in and we will bothered by civilian problems again. the world whereby every second that pass without achieving is a second wasted.

My life is mild, it is boring. The most interesting thing I have ever done this weekend is try to spy on construction workers building a nuclear reactor above my roof.

That is a joke.

But they are really building something above me right now. An enclosed air conditioned roof garden. Now how cool is that. that will be my future study paradise! Wohoo!

Enter April

Enter April.

Discomfort strikes me. It deals considerable damage. Just enough to make me sit here and think, when I should be enjoying my weekend. I seem to feel as if I want to live in the future. I am building myself up for the ideal lifestyle I want to accomplish, or rather, the ideal me I want to live as in the future. Knowing what you want is important. But I feel as if I am depending on that too much, depending on that very potential of myself and my future to feel happy. A false kind of security, happiness that doesn't really exist. Only in imaginations, fantasies and dreams I exist. that's kind of sad.

Live in the present, and enjoy the present. It's kinda hard for me.

That's why every week I feel happier, because somehow, I know that the future is drawing closer. that future, that I am so looking forward to.

Once again, Enter April.

A quarter of the year has just gone behind us, and I tell you, 2010 is really not going to be easy. Weekends I just practice the piano, hoping that I find myself. Fantasizing about myself playing that very one goal piece on my very own pool side grand piano is one very great motivation. Goal piece, or goal pieces. there are many. And I often forget that being able to play a simple beethoven sonata and most importantly enjoy it, is already a very great gift. Most people never come to this stage, to enjoy the piano so much.

That is why I am so unhappy. I am here, but I always want to be there. And when I'm there, I want to be somewhere else.

My birthday is coming soon. I really don't expect any wishes, nor presents except from my family or whatsoever. Even that person whom I somehow expect her to call me on my birthday, I don't really expect or want that anymore. In fact, I've given up. today again, is a day where I feel uneasy because I think of you again. I miss you all of the sudden. (but a huge percentage of what I miss is kind of wrong, so yea, you guys get the drift). I don't really want to dwell on the past. But I find myself less affected after every relapse.

I am happy now. Maybe.

It's almost eleven months to the magical ORD. the shape of the island is there, but there is some fog surrounding it. Accelerate! oh please accelerate. Every single action, or string of words spoken, no matter how innocent, can be a fragment of that gigantic political portrait in the platoon.

Endure. it's only ELEVEN more months!