I went back to Seletar for duty yesterday and right now, I sit here quite zombie-fied as I haven't had a good night's sleep since Sunday night. (and it's tuesday). I still manage to get things done by drinking coffee, but I was tired the whole day but I just can't seem to fall asleep.
Prowling was actually quite fun because talking to Edson can be more interesting than other people. We crapped and time did fly. I mean, we actually had a conversation about conversations and how other people's conversations (with us) lack some sort of "substance". It was rather arrogant of us to assume our conversations were perfectly and interestingly intellectual but heck. And yes, I do enjoy a good talk once in awhile.
I made a decision. That is to be happy and not constantly flinch at what others may throw at me. Becoming stronger emotionally is a life time's ambition I mean, constantly in our lives we are faced with people who bug us, annoy the hell out of us, or people whom we just cannot stand looking at. People with attitudes that piss us of, people that do bad things to us, people who gossip about us, people who we think do not respect us. There are tons of people like that out there. The solution I have came up with is to disregard their existence, Ignore and Deny as if their words and their actions whereby they have no effect on anything in this world. Everything they say become nullified but this "invincible paradigm". It is probably impossible to love your enemies but it is possible to ignore them. In this world, we know that garbage exist and stuff that agonizes our nose (hint, you can find them in the toilet) exist. But we do not have to keep opening the thrash can to relive the experience or to curse and swear about why does rubbish stink! No one would do that. We just accept that, first, there are smelly things in this world, and two, we do not want to be exposed to them and thirdly we avoid them or put them away whenever possible. I shall just do that with annoying people now. Why would I keep opening the garbage bin and smelling it's contents over and over again. Hatred, is just like that. You can kick the black rubbish bag as much as you want but the end of the day, you're the one suffering the stench that comes from it.
I'm tired and sleepy. It's time to go to bed. I don't know what's install for tomorrow. Frankly, I fear that I might be going to be outfield for quite sometime.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Need a break
I've been meaning to blog over the past few days. 2nd week of Nee Soon phase is over! now it's down to the last week whereby it is more outfields and then finally the summary exercise woodpecker. I don't really know because basically I've been sleeping in bunk a lot and IMM-ing (itouch movie marathon). I watch countless episodes of Criminal minds and the movie "the social network" over the past week. Relaxing life. That is so the way to go!
Next week won't be exactly the same. Duty on Monday, which is sadly, going to burn my stay out. Exercise night is going to burn one day of Stay out. So minus the already by default Friday Book out, I'm left with a net profit of 2 days. not so much. And I'm currently dreading doing duty on Monday night.
I believe it is about 112 days to ORD. I really do not wish to go back to camp to see my platoon mates. Some people are okay, some are borderline, some are really not okay. Sometimes, I just look at this world and sigh. You cannot change people nor expect people to behave the way you want them to. To quote, I actually had one guy told me that staying at home whole day playing piano is boring. MY Goodness . That is worthy of being blasphemous. They blast rock music in bunk and they think it's cool. Some people think riding a motorbike is cool, when it's so not. I mean, real classy people ride in say, expensive branded cars. All that stuff with smoking, ahbeng-ish is totally uncool, and unintelligent. I am a classical music elitist because I believe that listen to Mozart does make you few notches higher on the intellectuality scale. Music is not about taste, it is about intelligence. And there is some article on that correlation and I just have to dig it out.
This brings me back to primary school where I "un-friended" a close friend of mine because we shared differing views on which cartoons were "better". I really believed I was right, and right now what I am feeling is just an augmentation of that similar trait I had at childhood.
I'm really tired of this world. and living in it because things don't go the way you always want it to. I avoid people because they never live up to your expectations. They behave in a way which is non coherent with my "main character" perspective of life. The world does not revolve around me? And so I will detach myself from the world because there is no reason to live in a sucky world just like how there is no reason to continue playing a losing game. I just want to win all the time. Is that wrong? is that childish? Is that delusional?
Bitterness. I suffer from plenty of that. People who have even done the slightest wrong thing which had offended me even in a minor way. The things which I wanted but could not have. I even bear bitterness against myself. (which is pretty sad).
Army life does change people a little. Here and there. But it is coming to an end. there are times where I had to suck up my own pride (and thumb) just to avoid a ridiculous argument. or because I have given up on letting people see my point. there are times where I stayed under the radar and kept quiet when my lines were being crossed. but all that was just to survive. Because I had to bear with living with "these other people" for the next who knows how many months to go. It was a tactical decision. But now, it's all coming to an end. I don't really care about who I might offend, because I think right from the very start, those bonds weren't there. Friendship. Bleh, doesn't exist. Because right from the very start we were all coerced into this, we all had no choice. It's like people stranded on an island forced to be nice to each other so as to survive the day. But when rescue comes, and a helicopter with limited spaces flows by. All hells will break loose and people's ugly nature will then emerge to fight for their own selfish cause of getting out of the island. You need not to be a genius to realize this. But I have lost hope in friendship or people.
People can get along only when they assume there's mutual respect. (which in my opinion, may not really exist just like we assume)
I'm tired. With all that emotional drama within me. The ghosts of the past, the enemy right in front of me, and the lurking uncertainty of the future all faces me in a three pronged attack. I just come home sometimes trying not to paddle and waddle in cynical goo which had caught me since day one. I try to stand up straight and do things right. This is where and when I go up to the piano and try to practice to set things right. Life does have to have a meaning. And because I have given up on people, the meaning I find have to be greater to compensate for what I have loss.
I'm exhausted. Really tired of all this. Maybe i'm delusional. Maybe I am just my own victim of my mind's hunting. I need to regain my sanity.
Next week won't be exactly the same. Duty on Monday, which is sadly, going to burn my stay out. Exercise night is going to burn one day of Stay out. So minus the already by default Friday Book out, I'm left with a net profit of 2 days. not so much. And I'm currently dreading doing duty on Monday night.
I believe it is about 112 days to ORD. I really do not wish to go back to camp to see my platoon mates. Some people are okay, some are borderline, some are really not okay. Sometimes, I just look at this world and sigh. You cannot change people nor expect people to behave the way you want them to. To quote, I actually had one guy told me that staying at home whole day playing piano is boring. MY Goodness . That is worthy of being blasphemous. They blast rock music in bunk and they think it's cool. Some people think riding a motorbike is cool, when it's so not. I mean, real classy people ride in say, expensive branded cars. All that stuff with smoking, ahbeng-ish is totally uncool, and unintelligent. I am a classical music elitist because I believe that listen to Mozart does make you few notches higher on the intellectuality scale. Music is not about taste, it is about intelligence. And there is some article on that correlation and I just have to dig it out.
This brings me back to primary school where I "un-friended" a close friend of mine because we shared differing views on which cartoons were "better". I really believed I was right, and right now what I am feeling is just an augmentation of that similar trait I had at childhood.
I'm really tired of this world. and living in it because things don't go the way you always want it to. I avoid people because they never live up to your expectations. They behave in a way which is non coherent with my "main character" perspective of life. The world does not revolve around me? And so I will detach myself from the world because there is no reason to live in a sucky world just like how there is no reason to continue playing a losing game. I just want to win all the time. Is that wrong? is that childish? Is that delusional?
Bitterness. I suffer from plenty of that. People who have even done the slightest wrong thing which had offended me even in a minor way. The things which I wanted but could not have. I even bear bitterness against myself. (which is pretty sad).
Army life does change people a little. Here and there. But it is coming to an end. there are times where I had to suck up my own pride (and thumb) just to avoid a ridiculous argument. or because I have given up on letting people see my point. there are times where I stayed under the radar and kept quiet when my lines were being crossed. but all that was just to survive. Because I had to bear with living with "these other people" for the next who knows how many months to go. It was a tactical decision. But now, it's all coming to an end. I don't really care about who I might offend, because I think right from the very start, those bonds weren't there. Friendship. Bleh, doesn't exist. Because right from the very start we were all coerced into this, we all had no choice. It's like people stranded on an island forced to be nice to each other so as to survive the day. But when rescue comes, and a helicopter with limited spaces flows by. All hells will break loose and people's ugly nature will then emerge to fight for their own selfish cause of getting out of the island. You need not to be a genius to realize this. But I have lost hope in friendship or people.
People can get along only when they assume there's mutual respect. (which in my opinion, may not really exist just like we assume)
I'm tired. With all that emotional drama within me. The ghosts of the past, the enemy right in front of me, and the lurking uncertainty of the future all faces me in a three pronged attack. I just come home sometimes trying not to paddle and waddle in cynical goo which had caught me since day one. I try to stand up straight and do things right. This is where and when I go up to the piano and try to practice to set things right. Life does have to have a meaning. And because I have given up on people, the meaning I find have to be greater to compensate for what I have loss.
I'm exhausted. Really tired of all this. Maybe i'm delusional. Maybe I am just my own victim of my mind's hunting. I need to regain my sanity.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Sunshine. Again
I thought the last time I was going to sit on the back on a jeep on a bumpy adventure was at Thailand. I was wrong. I did a pretty good replication just a few hours ago. The hot humid sun, blazing upon us on our shelter-less jeeps and the "aircon" in our helmets do nothing but warm us further. And it rained too! oh my. I'm becoming too comfortable slacking in bunk everyday that a little 3 hour outfield was going to kill me.
Granted. Booking out after outfields feel great.(compared to lazing around in bunk the entire day. the relativity sinks in) Wearing the LBV is now like a big chore. I don't know. I have been too pampered. Tomorrow we'll be going outfield again and then again and again for every single day. Luckily, mornings are free and easy. If not I'll prefer to stay in Seletar.
I should stop whining because even if I go outfield, I do nothing there. I don't even wear my LBV. I just leave them lying on the jeep. And I do nothing but sit there and enjoy the breeze. then maybe walk into the training shed and laze around a little. Pretty slack. but outfield is still no good.
A good 17 more weeks to ORD! Wednesday is a public holiday! YAY!
I'm in a good mood tonight.
Granted. Booking out after outfields feel great.(compared to lazing around in bunk the entire day. the relativity sinks in) Wearing the LBV is now like a big chore. I don't know. I have been too pampered. Tomorrow we'll be going outfield again and then again and again for every single day. Luckily, mornings are free and easy. If not I'll prefer to stay in Seletar.
I should stop whining because even if I go outfield, I do nothing there. I don't even wear my LBV. I just leave them lying on the jeep. And I do nothing but sit there and enjoy the breeze. then maybe walk into the training shed and laze around a little. Pretty slack. but outfield is still no good.
A good 17 more weeks to ORD! Wednesday is a public holiday! YAY!
I'm in a good mood tonight.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
the inner me
I realize I am severely narcissistic. I have a lot against this world because this world does not value me as much as I value myself. I ought to be the best, and deserve the best. I live life as if I'm the only main character. Maybe that is why I have so many disputes and unhappiness with other people. I am selfish, I cannot stand losing, so what? With such a personality, I can never be happy. Because my happiness is so lofty, and impossible to attain. I can only be cynical, and whine and whine and whine. And make myself and the people around me unhappy. Because my feet ain't on the ground. I'm a human being, but it's like I want to fly, I want to have everything I want. And life doesn't always meet my expectations.
Maybe that is why I stay away from people. I have almost zero friends. good friends I mean. I don't really want to talk to people because they all have their own thoughts. What is wrong with trying to control people's thoughts and believes. I cannot stand it when someone disagrees with me. I always believe I right, even when I clearly know that I am wrong.
Sometimes, I wonder if it will evolve into something more serious.
People always label me. Arrogant, selfish, conceited, overconfident, self centered. To sum it up FOLKS, the word is narcissistic!
Maybe that is why I stay away from people. I have almost zero friends. good friends I mean. I don't really want to talk to people because they all have their own thoughts. What is wrong with trying to control people's thoughts and believes. I cannot stand it when someone disagrees with me. I always believe I right, even when I clearly know that I am wrong.
Sometimes, I wonder if it will evolve into something more serious.
People always label me. Arrogant, selfish, conceited, overconfident, self centered. To sum it up FOLKS, the word is narcissistic!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Fighting Spirit, Need some
Everything is not clear. I need the details. You play the rough outline but it's not clear. Not clear, not clear not clear! I hear this so many times on a Saturday morning. And that is enough to fail you, says my teacher. I am demoralized.
Because there is evidently something wrong with my playing. Something which can "either take very long or short", in other words, have no idea how long it'll take.
Where was the bold me who went into the exam hall totally unprepared for test and feeling confidently that he will figure something out on the spot...where is my "unjustified" confidence that took me through school years. now I turn around at every challenging point and too afraid of failure. Grown up? Perhaps. Maturity teaches us not to rush blindly at our opponents but it makes us cowards.
TY. you'll work something out. maybe it's not that you aren't talented but there is something wrong with the way your practicing. Remember, SLOW, and steady. FIRST. C'mon, you can do it. Show some fighting spirit!
Because there is evidently something wrong with my playing. Something which can "either take very long or short", in other words, have no idea how long it'll take.
Where was the bold me who went into the exam hall totally unprepared for test and feeling confidently that he will figure something out on the spot...where is my "unjustified" confidence that took me through school years. now I turn around at every challenging point and too afraid of failure. Grown up? Perhaps. Maturity teaches us not to rush blindly at our opponents but it makes us cowards.
TY. you'll work something out. maybe it's not that you aren't talented but there is something wrong with the way your practicing. Remember, SLOW, and steady. FIRST. C'mon, you can do it. Show some fighting spirit!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Not a nights out
Don't worry I'm not going to narrate each and every day and every single minute detail of my life in ETI. I did close to nothing today. Again. Gym-ed, slept, read my music theory book, watched criminal minds on my Itouch? Tomorrow I'll finally have work to do. Not exactly a good thing. 6 man carrier boat doesn't sound fun and I haven't used an OBM before. What the heck.
People are starting to become aware of my stay out status, plus the fact that I book in each morning just to wait till 5 and book out. I wonder if the course instructors are expecting a high standard from us "auxiliary" instructors, thus the majorly overdosed welfare (stay out plus stay in bunk whole day what more can I ask?). I hope I don't get screwed too badly when I reveal (hopefully in the most discrete manner) that I forgot NUTS about everything.
123 days to ORD! It's a nice number, but nicer when it drops further. I can't wait to cease living in a "communal environment" where selfishness and self centeredness cannot exist. Every action you make you have to consider because you're always being observed and watched by platoon mates. You cannot do as you wish, in other words. There is nothing wrong with a little selfishness. But I really do not like waking up learning to deal with all sorts of people and their temperament. Nothing in particular has happened. But when good things happen to you, people watch you with green eyes. When bad things happen, either they tell you to suck it up, OR they give you "fake sympathy". Yes, people empathize. It's like " I know you signed extra, I know how it feels. I know and I care, are very different matters altogether".
Ultimately, it's what matters to oneself that one will care about. For example, the book out file went "MIA" just when i was about to book out and I had my dad waiting at the camp gates for me and I was pressed for time. I attempted to find it at where it ought to become, and the people who ought to have kept it well did bother to find, but they were lacking that sense of urgency. they just left it in the lecture room! It's true. they're stay IN, I'm stay OUT. that is the line between what is worth going the extra mile for. In army it's not so easy to get into a locked room because some "unnecessary" paper work and drawing of keys from another 100 meter away room is required. It was just a nonchalant "you go there, draw that key, open that room and take the file and come back bunk and sign". Sounds easy, because everyone is just changing down to admin attire at starting to rot into their beds.
Compare and contrast. If the file were to go missing on a friday, imagine the chaos. Everyone will be frantically searching for that damn file. It's true. Only when something matters to a person will they put in effort. No human being will go an extra mile for just another fellow platoon mate. They will not even care. And that is how the book out file landed itself LOCKED in the lecture room in the first place.
I'm not pissed. Because if I was in the same shoes as them, I would have done the same thing. Sit back, chill and relax. And take up the 'who ask you be a stay out personnel" attitude and with folded arms I wouldn't care shit. This is just sucky human nature.
To be honest, there are a few who can take hardship and not complain but there are fewer who can watch others enjoy a good fortune without a pinch of jealousy. While the others go for lessons, they peep into my room and find me just lying their feeling so bored on my bed. I have slept beyond my fatigue levels again and again.
There is still 10 weeks left of next year whereby it is effectively a drought of public holidays minus CNY. December is holiday month, while November is staying out phase for me. It's a matter of (I think) 18 weeks. There are countless people whom I find annoying, I want to quickly finish this crap up. NS does have it's up points. but dealing with people is tiring.
People are starting to become aware of my stay out status, plus the fact that I book in each morning just to wait till 5 and book out. I wonder if the course instructors are expecting a high standard from us "auxiliary" instructors, thus the majorly overdosed welfare (stay out plus stay in bunk whole day what more can I ask?). I hope I don't get screwed too badly when I reveal (hopefully in the most discrete manner) that I forgot NUTS about everything.
123 days to ORD! It's a nice number, but nicer when it drops further. I can't wait to cease living in a "communal environment" where selfishness and self centeredness cannot exist. Every action you make you have to consider because you're always being observed and watched by platoon mates. You cannot do as you wish, in other words. There is nothing wrong with a little selfishness. But I really do not like waking up learning to deal with all sorts of people and their temperament. Nothing in particular has happened. But when good things happen to you, people watch you with green eyes. When bad things happen, either they tell you to suck it up, OR they give you "fake sympathy". Yes, people empathize. It's like " I know you signed extra, I know how it feels. I know and I care, are very different matters altogether".
Ultimately, it's what matters to oneself that one will care about. For example, the book out file went "MIA" just when i was about to book out and I had my dad waiting at the camp gates for me and I was pressed for time. I attempted to find it at where it ought to become, and the people who ought to have kept it well did bother to find, but they were lacking that sense of urgency. they just left it in the lecture room! It's true. they're stay IN, I'm stay OUT. that is the line between what is worth going the extra mile for. In army it's not so easy to get into a locked room because some "unnecessary" paper work and drawing of keys from another 100 meter away room is required. It was just a nonchalant "you go there, draw that key, open that room and take the file and come back bunk and sign". Sounds easy, because everyone is just changing down to admin attire at starting to rot into their beds.
Compare and contrast. If the file were to go missing on a friday, imagine the chaos. Everyone will be frantically searching for that damn file. It's true. Only when something matters to a person will they put in effort. No human being will go an extra mile for just another fellow platoon mate. They will not even care. And that is how the book out file landed itself LOCKED in the lecture room in the first place.
I'm not pissed. Because if I was in the same shoes as them, I would have done the same thing. Sit back, chill and relax. And take up the 'who ask you be a stay out personnel" attitude and with folded arms I wouldn't care shit. This is just sucky human nature.
To be honest, there are a few who can take hardship and not complain but there are fewer who can watch others enjoy a good fortune without a pinch of jealousy. While the others go for lessons, they peep into my room and find me just lying their feeling so bored on my bed. I have slept beyond my fatigue levels again and again.
There is still 10 weeks left of next year whereby it is effectively a drought of public holidays minus CNY. December is holiday month, while November is staying out phase for me. It's a matter of (I think) 18 weeks. There are countless people whom I find annoying, I want to quickly finish this crap up. NS does have it's up points. but dealing with people is tiring.
Monday, November 8, 2010
A more urban freedom
This morning I walked into a pitch dark Nee Soon Camp. Everything seemed so gloomy. First day as "Auxiliary Instructors". Sounds as if it was a menacing task ahead, but if you really read into what I did for the entire day, it's pretty cool life. The urban life style of Nee Soon camp and a few feet from my bunk doorstep takes you to a very urban view of other equally high buildings and a tennis court. Thus, the name 'nee soon condominium" I gave it. Canteens are everywhere, and bunks have lifts!
Book in timing was ridiculously early. 0630 at the cookhouse because they indented breakfast for us! Argh, screw SAF rules! Kenneth choose not to stay out. Can't help it, I have a 15 minute away "teleportation" from home and not everyone does I woke up at 0530, feeling all achy from sleep deprivation aches. cold winds in the morning, and the early morning drizzle makes things gloomy but I managed to get changed into PT attire and consume the horribly cooked bee hoon served at the cook house. Eating meals provided by SAF is just like entertaining them. a formality. it's like, if you visit a person's home and he cooks for you out of courtesy you'll eat it even if it tastes horrible. Not to mention the various minor implications of having fussy taste buds and vehemently and persistently rejecting SAF good could be a magic number called 1206 which forces you to pay for something you DID NOT eat.
But still. Stay out is enticing. Because for us combat personnel, we're frankly quite sick of staying in. And this is a good opportunity for some fresh air! Not to mention, my sergeants and understudies HAVE to stay IN because it's their course!
And so I slept in. Had a choice of whether to go for orientation run, but no. Sleeping in bunk was better. I wanted to run but my butt cheeks still ached from badminton with clement. So three of us, we slept in. Woke up occasionally to change the music or stop the music. then woke up abruptly suddenly and began reading books. it was just random rotting on our bed (which still does not have a bed sheet!) one large bunk! three people. And the furniture in the bunk looks as if it's imported from Ikea! The showers at nee soon are legendary! Because the pressure makes you feel as if you don't want to get out of that damn cubicle! seriously. I think my bathing time increased by threefold just because of the shower!
So we rotted under our stomachs growled and decided to walk abit around to find food. there is no such thing as branch under SAF so we had to hunt for a place with food and it's called, the "canteen". We walked about 1km around and found some large canteen which resembles a typical school canteen. YUM! Breakfast! suddenly it seems as if we have so much freedom!. without telling anyone, we just could sneak away as we like, walk to anywhere anyhow, as we like. And do anything as we please. I saw lots of higher ranking people walking around, but since I was in PT attire (and by then it was 10am+ in the morning),I assume there was no need for any formal greetings. We just walked around as if we owned the camp.
Pre lunch time. I sat on my bed playing Sudoku on my Ipod. And reading books, listening to music. It was so relaxing that I kept dozing off and falling asleep! Post lunch was even better. We drew the gym key and went for a work out! And at 1615 we were back in bunk changing and ready to book out!
What a day. Relaxing. Urban Freedom. Legendary Showers. Nothing to do. And coming home to have a warm dinner and play the piano! Cool life. I want to stay there forever!
On a side note, it may be because today's the first day. Subsequently, I'll have jobs and roles to play. And I may even have to go SBO on and chiong the exercise with them. But still, I'm an "instructor" so maybe this status does make me slightly more invulnerable to SAI KANG. Still, I personally know that I know nothing about this course right now. it's been 13 months since I was at Nee soon was a trainee. How am I supposed to even remember anything!.
I only remember the showers were great! And my (hanged) underwear dropped down 6 floors cause of a random idiotic gigantic wind.
Book in timing was ridiculously early. 0630 at the cookhouse because they indented breakfast for us! Argh, screw SAF rules! Kenneth choose not to stay out. Can't help it, I have a 15 minute away "teleportation" from home and not everyone does I woke up at 0530, feeling all achy from sleep deprivation aches. cold winds in the morning, and the early morning drizzle makes things gloomy but I managed to get changed into PT attire and consume the horribly cooked bee hoon served at the cook house. Eating meals provided by SAF is just like entertaining them. a formality. it's like, if you visit a person's home and he cooks for you out of courtesy you'll eat it even if it tastes horrible. Not to mention the various minor implications of having fussy taste buds and vehemently and persistently rejecting SAF good could be a magic number called 1206 which forces you to pay for something you DID NOT eat.
But still. Stay out is enticing. Because for us combat personnel, we're frankly quite sick of staying in. And this is a good opportunity for some fresh air! Not to mention, my sergeants and understudies HAVE to stay IN because it's their course!
And so I slept in. Had a choice of whether to go for orientation run, but no. Sleeping in bunk was better. I wanted to run but my butt cheeks still ached from badminton with clement. So three of us, we slept in. Woke up occasionally to change the music or stop the music. then woke up abruptly suddenly and began reading books. it was just random rotting on our bed (which still does not have a bed sheet!) one large bunk! three people. And the furniture in the bunk looks as if it's imported from Ikea! The showers at nee soon are legendary! Because the pressure makes you feel as if you don't want to get out of that damn cubicle! seriously. I think my bathing time increased by threefold just because of the shower!
So we rotted under our stomachs growled and decided to walk abit around to find food. there is no such thing as branch under SAF so we had to hunt for a place with food and it's called, the "canteen". We walked about 1km around and found some large canteen which resembles a typical school canteen. YUM! Breakfast! suddenly it seems as if we have so much freedom!. without telling anyone, we just could sneak away as we like, walk to anywhere anyhow, as we like. And do anything as we please. I saw lots of higher ranking people walking around, but since I was in PT attire (and by then it was 10am+ in the morning),I assume there was no need for any formal greetings. We just walked around as if we owned the camp.
Pre lunch time. I sat on my bed playing Sudoku on my Ipod. And reading books, listening to music. It was so relaxing that I kept dozing off and falling asleep! Post lunch was even better. We drew the gym key and went for a work out! And at 1615 we were back in bunk changing and ready to book out!
What a day. Relaxing. Urban Freedom. Legendary Showers. Nothing to do. And coming home to have a warm dinner and play the piano! Cool life. I want to stay there forever!
On a side note, it may be because today's the first day. Subsequently, I'll have jobs and roles to play. And I may even have to go SBO on and chiong the exercise with them. But still, I'm an "instructor" so maybe this status does make me slightly more invulnerable to SAI KANG. Still, I personally know that I know nothing about this course right now. it's been 13 months since I was at Nee soon was a trainee. How am I supposed to even remember anything!.
I only remember the showers were great! And my (hanged) underwear dropped down 6 floors cause of a random idiotic gigantic wind.
Friday, November 5, 2010
The weekend was here, but it's here again
Friday night used to be a very happy occasion. Now it's just uhm, normal. You know, the usual. Nothing much to be happy about anyway.
Yesterday was cohesion day with the platoon at Novena. Had Tim sum buffet. Sounds yummy, but in fact eating "theme and variations on tim sum" was kinda a bad idea because it was the same old thing over and over again. There weren't much choices and there were a surfeit of excess food left lying around. it looked bad on us, but somehow it was much better than being coerced to play some penalty game to have losers gorge themselves upon food and fill their already so full stomach.
I did not join the rest. I wanted to just go home and chill it out. Recently I've been playing Dota. So I'm on that Dota-Piano cycle. Repeatedly. Dota helps me chill off sometimes and I can't be practicing piano for the entire day. My mind needs to absorb information and digest whatever I'm memorizing/grinding. I'm changing my Debussy (which I am not very inclined to) to a slightly harder, more virtuosic and melodious "the lark" by Balakirev. Which means I still have rep-plowing to do. Sigh. Tomorrow I'll have my lesson whereby I hope my Etincelles does not fail me.
I don't really feel lonely anymore now that I have a very visible and realistic meaning in life right in front of me. yes, exams does help. fear of exams does better, but not very nice isn't it. I shouldn't worry about that. fear and anxiety will take effect when the time comes. After Ord will be University life and being an engineering undergraduate puts me in a class of males again. (it's a stereotype but well). there are rumors of PRC-fest in engineering courses and everyone's a mugger. that is surely scary. they say university is the best time of a person's life. Well, we'll wait and see. I have to rely on my CCA to find my future wife. (or maybe just a girlfriend during university). Somehow, mathematically or physics inclined girls are somewhat, scary. I'd prefer the artsy kind, preferably musically. But i don't want a girl who rips chopin etudes apart and falls asleep while playing liszt's transcendentals as if it's childs play. that is overkill.
As of now, I don't need a girl in my life. I'm contended right now with my goals, inspirations. And whatever I have. I don't see how much time I can put aside to date. (as much as I want to actually)
Maybe I'll join Piano ensemble or badminton recreational. Or both.
Yesterday was cohesion day with the platoon at Novena. Had Tim sum buffet. Sounds yummy, but in fact eating "theme and variations on tim sum" was kinda a bad idea because it was the same old thing over and over again. There weren't much choices and there were a surfeit of excess food left lying around. it looked bad on us, but somehow it was much better than being coerced to play some penalty game to have losers gorge themselves upon food and fill their already so full stomach.
I did not join the rest. I wanted to just go home and chill it out. Recently I've been playing Dota. So I'm on that Dota-Piano cycle. Repeatedly. Dota helps me chill off sometimes and I can't be practicing piano for the entire day. My mind needs to absorb information and digest whatever I'm memorizing/grinding. I'm changing my Debussy (which I am not very inclined to) to a slightly harder, more virtuosic and melodious "the lark" by Balakirev. Which means I still have rep-plowing to do. Sigh. Tomorrow I'll have my lesson whereby I hope my Etincelles does not fail me.
I don't really feel lonely anymore now that I have a very visible and realistic meaning in life right in front of me. yes, exams does help. fear of exams does better, but not very nice isn't it. I shouldn't worry about that. fear and anxiety will take effect when the time comes. After Ord will be University life and being an engineering undergraduate puts me in a class of males again. (it's a stereotype but well). there are rumors of PRC-fest in engineering courses and everyone's a mugger. that is surely scary. they say university is the best time of a person's life. Well, we'll wait and see. I have to rely on my CCA to find my future wife. (or maybe just a girlfriend during university). Somehow, mathematically or physics inclined girls are somewhat, scary. I'd prefer the artsy kind, preferably musically. But i don't want a girl who rips chopin etudes apart and falls asleep while playing liszt's transcendentals as if it's childs play. that is overkill.
As of now, I don't need a girl in my life. I'm contended right now with my goals, inspirations. And whatever I have. I don't see how much time I can put aside to date. (as much as I want to actually)
Maybe I'll join Piano ensemble or badminton recreational. Or both.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
I was there, and I am here again
I have a problem here. I refuse to sleep.
It's Wednesday and my weekend began a couple of hours ago. Platoon cohesion tomorrow at Novena combo-ed with my own half day off and continuously combo-ed again with Deepavali and finally the weekend which makes it a four day weekend. It's somehow funny to think that if I don't turn up for Chinese food with the rest tomorrow I will be an AWOL personel. Amusing.
Life has taken a weird turn here. Heaven or hell, I don't know yet. Basically, I got attached out to NeeSoon camp (ETI which abbreviates for Engineers training institute) for three weeks. And during this duration, I am a stay out personnel. Before you say hooray, the other end of the double edged sword is that I book in BY 0630 hrs, AND I have to be consuming my breakfast by then at the cookhouse which means I have to reach the camp gate around 15 minutes prior to the cut off time. Brutal. But it's still a choice, I have a bunk. In fact, half a bunk is almost mine. 8 beds shared amongst 3 people. It's generous. The luxurious furnishing of ETI indeed makes life much more pleasant! This time round, not as trainees, but as auxiliary instructors.
Instructors. a daunting word. Sound pretty cool. but actually I do not really know how I could help. the senior specialists in charge of this course seem quite optimistic about our help but we were trainees about a year ago, and most of our knowledge have diminished over time. And add on the fact that we do not apply everything we learn there! most of the stuff are USELESS, and redundant. I guess for now we'll just support the course in whatever way we can.
STAY out FTW. it's just three words. My leave/off spree starts on Nov 30 and possibly ends at 27 dec. That is about a month or so! Amazing? That means I'll be quite civilian from now onwards since I'll be staying out for sometime! What a great gift before ORD.
I should really start grinding up levels on piano. Gaining technique is just like growing plants. You need effort to water and time to nurture. I'm trying not to rush into things but I cannot resist playing my pieces at full speed. Ive got to admit, section by section practice can be mind numbing and boring but it is actually the best way to improve and evolve something unstable into a steady, musical performance worthy repertoire. Sometimes, I still doubt my own ability. Each time I flinch at a section, or falter unnecessarily, I picture the examination scene and inside me, I freak out a little. I have to practice more.
Been playing quite a lot Dota. In fact, I went to play LAN (dota) on tuesday's nights out. Had a pretty satisfactory time there. We live our lives sometimes just to waste our time away. Maybe in the meaningless pursuits of life will we find meaningful things relatively meaningful. And with that, somehow. We cannot really be happy with where we are, but we should be happy or make it so that we are happy with our progress in anything we do. Let it be fitness, music, academics or whatever. I realized why running and clocking mileages gave me so much satisfaction. It is not that burning swelling heart warming feeling after a run but more of the progressive improvement that I benefit from, which makes me feel much better after each long run. Progress is the biggest motivation in our lives, and that alone can keep us happy. There need not be a goal that is reachable, but as long as we head towards that direction. Maybe we will feel happy.
It's Wednesday and my weekend began a couple of hours ago. Platoon cohesion tomorrow at Novena combo-ed with my own half day off and continuously combo-ed again with Deepavali and finally the weekend which makes it a four day weekend. It's somehow funny to think that if I don't turn up for Chinese food with the rest tomorrow I will be an AWOL personel. Amusing.
Life has taken a weird turn here. Heaven or hell, I don't know yet. Basically, I got attached out to NeeSoon camp (ETI which abbreviates for Engineers training institute) for three weeks. And during this duration, I am a stay out personnel. Before you say hooray, the other end of the double edged sword is that I book in BY 0630 hrs, AND I have to be consuming my breakfast by then at the cookhouse which means I have to reach the camp gate around 15 minutes prior to the cut off time. Brutal. But it's still a choice, I have a bunk. In fact, half a bunk is almost mine. 8 beds shared amongst 3 people. It's generous. The luxurious furnishing of ETI indeed makes life much more pleasant! This time round, not as trainees, but as auxiliary instructors.
Instructors. a daunting word. Sound pretty cool. but actually I do not really know how I could help. the senior specialists in charge of this course seem quite optimistic about our help but we were trainees about a year ago, and most of our knowledge have diminished over time. And add on the fact that we do not apply everything we learn there! most of the stuff are USELESS, and redundant. I guess for now we'll just support the course in whatever way we can.
STAY out FTW. it's just three words. My leave/off spree starts on Nov 30 and possibly ends at 27 dec. That is about a month or so! Amazing? That means I'll be quite civilian from now onwards since I'll be staying out for sometime! What a great gift before ORD.
I should really start grinding up levels on piano. Gaining technique is just like growing plants. You need effort to water and time to nurture. I'm trying not to rush into things but I cannot resist playing my pieces at full speed. Ive got to admit, section by section practice can be mind numbing and boring but it is actually the best way to improve and evolve something unstable into a steady, musical performance worthy repertoire. Sometimes, I still doubt my own ability. Each time I flinch at a section, or falter unnecessarily, I picture the examination scene and inside me, I freak out a little. I have to practice more.
Been playing quite a lot Dota. In fact, I went to play LAN (dota) on tuesday's nights out. Had a pretty satisfactory time there. We live our lives sometimes just to waste our time away. Maybe in the meaningless pursuits of life will we find meaningful things relatively meaningful. And with that, somehow. We cannot really be happy with where we are, but we should be happy or make it so that we are happy with our progress in anything we do. Let it be fitness, music, academics or whatever. I realized why running and clocking mileages gave me so much satisfaction. It is not that burning swelling heart warming feeling after a run but more of the progressive improvement that I benefit from, which makes me feel much better after each long run. Progress is the biggest motivation in our lives, and that alone can keep us happy. There need not be a goal that is reachable, but as long as we head towards that direction. Maybe we will feel happy.
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