Leaving soon

Im leaving tommorow for Europe!

1am flight, which means, it's actually Thursday

I will be back on 2 wednesdays later, 4th December.

Wohoo!!!

And tommorow will be packing. Loads of things to settle

1) Clothes and stuff ( i still have not enough of my OWN clothes because most of the time, more often than not, I borrow from my bro..so yeah, u get the idea. I don't have much clothes that are mine..)

2) Ipod packing. Okay this is going to sound ambitious but I want to fill up the 8Gb of my Ipod with Content, and decent content. Which will be relevant, not some stuff that I will not bother about...

3) Face stuff. bear with me, don't laugh, I need to buy a functionable SHAVER as well as buy some new wax/gel.

That's about it.

Was tagged

I was tagged by dexter to do this, and dex, your posts cannot be highlighted and copied. (woohoo?), so I had to be resourceful and find the actual source to copy from. But it's okay, this is the only thing I am going to complain about.



Instructions

1. Do the following WITHOUT complaint.. alrite.. fine..
2. Choose 5 people to do this after you completed yours.. i'm thinkin.. 5 ppl..?.. waste my time siah..lol
3. Leave a tag on the person's tagboard to say he/she have been tagged.. isn't that e obvious?
4. Start your post with; I have been tagged!.. wierd?.. isn't it.. u tagg others but say i have been tagged.. haha.. funny arh..

Favourites

Favourite colour: Grey (I did elaborate on a few posts back)
Favourite food: No comments
Favourite Movie: Secret,Death Note and World Trade Center
Favourite Sport:Badminton duh. Nothing else comes close
Favourite Day of the Week: Used to be friday, but now I say saturday
Favourite Season: Summer?
Favourite Ice Cream: I eat anything.

Currents

Current mood: Light
Current Clothes: Boxers shorts and normal t-shirt. (im AT HOME)
Current deskstop: Manga site, Itunes, Windows Live, Wc3, MSN convos, downloads.
Current time: 12:08pm
Current surroundings: a very "nocturnal mood"
Current annoyances: my dad in the room

First Best Friend: Never had one, I dont believe in best friends
First Crush: to be very honest, it was a girl when I was p3 (same class), and I forgot her name
First Movie: Independance day (Yawns, i fell asleep)
First Lie: I don't remember.
First Music: How would I remember?

Lasts

Last Drink: Plain water
Last Car Ride: I forgot.
Last Crush: Never had a crush for a long time already
LASt phone call: Not obliged to answer this. but i think it was a girl.
Last CD Played: who needs CDs when you have Itunes.

Have you evers?
Have you ever dated one of your best friend? Never had a calender
Have you ever broken the law ? I guess, by downloading?
Have you ever been arrested? Nope, no chance man.
Have you ever been on TV? Nope
Have you ever kissed someone you don't know? Nope.

Random 5 things you are good at:

1. Brainage calculations
2. Emo-ing
3. Blogging
4. Impromtu
5. Typing fast

4 things you've done today:

1. took a bus
2. tapped my ezlink card
3. sat down
4. got down the bus

say W-O-A-H

3 things you can hear right now:

1. Itunes playing "wu ding"
2. Nothing else besides that
3. Nothing else...Seriously

5 people to tag: Whoever who want to do, just do.


Very meaningless questions, guess it's been a long time since I did anything quiz like. I am currently considering if I should continue blogging about today.

The torrential rain, was a total turn off. Rain is at it's finest when you're at home, sheltered and protected. But when you're out, I realised an umbrella doesn't help much when the rain is too strong...

Random.

The blade

It took sometime to find,
the blade that lies within.
The curtain of within and behind
spawns million of fiends.
As an envoy of sadness it seiges,
Countering is a choice,
Ignoring is a temptation within reach
Determines tears borned or destroy
In one swift movement we should,
ruin these deadly fiends.
one by one, as they surface from it's root.
picking up the blade, light or desperate.

Determined, I will never be sad ever again. I never want to feel sad again. And thus, I set off as a swordsman, with a blade in hand, and I will decapitate sadness in whatever form it appears before me. Because happiness is a choice.

I never want to be sad ever again. Aiming for a second, then a minute, then a day, then a week. a month, a year.

Anti-emo.

Heat

Hot, hot hot. Seriously, the environnment I am in is not fit for any sane human to survive. And despite all that, I am braving all that heat to blog. Firstly because I am bored, insanely bored and secondly, almost al gadgets are with my brother at church now. I find myself sevrely handicapped without my Itouch or my DS, but still I have my trusty PC, but who wants to use a PC when you have a beam of 3 oclock noon sunlight directly shining at you (and heating you up rapidly in the process). I really hate the sun, I really hate the bad positioning of my room. unfriendly sun, and windows do nothing against it. And my aircon puts up not much of a defense against the relentless heat. I am pespiring like crazy and I have to take another bath again, SOON.

Okay, lets get on with the post proper. Yesterday, was a fine day. (I mean, which day isn't fine). Morning, lurked around at home for awhile and then appeared in church for Jump. It's the last session of the year and we took photos. Mainly it was sharing but all I could say it was a chance to look back at this year and how we have grown spiritually. For me, an exponential leap I believe. After that we hanged around a little while with Nic and the rest, and we took a video of nic "weird bowling stance", and it was like super funny, and I will get it uploaded soon, to youtube, as well as my Itouch. Ended the day with pool, and I got to stress that I am maladroit at such activities, or what you would call, "sub sports". Wait, I am naturally bad at sports.

A little digress. No, that was supposed to be the gist of this post. Whatever, it's been awhile since I added informal, casual, a "touch of casual life" styled narration in my post. Introspection has died off slowly. And I finally understand the importance of living a happy life. Afterall, one must be happy alone. Never rely too much on other people, and put your happiness in other people's hand. And that is when things get suicidal, things get out of hand because one is giving others the control of oneself. (which is, pretty foolish). But still, striking a balance is still the best alternative, and disappointment ,when things don't turn out good is the greatest extent one should fall. Friends, Love, are the crux of the problem in many people's lives, and the reason lies within overdependance of others. Never let others determine your identity. Sometimes, solitude gives strength. And one should strive to make company a presence, and not an absence when we find it lacking.

The heat subsided. It's cooling now, and it looks like it's going to rain.

An apple a day...

I know I haven't been blogging for a couple of days. Laziness have set in, (and I have no idea why. A maelstrom of events happened over the past few days and amongst which, the most prominent one is probably the arrival of my Apple Itouch, which was two days ago.

Let me recall what happened, and explain my absence for the interval of days from thursday till today which is a good 3 days (which is so unlike me not to blog about anything).

Thursday

Oh yes, me and Tay Ye went to church to help pack and sort the donations in the Yf room. Mainly we were sorting the books into "okay" and "not-okay", we were acting as a filter paper for these books and after which we had to pile these books into boxes (and in addition to that, tape all the boxes and their joints to make sure they don't fall apart from that heavy load) according to size, big to small and stuff. It wasn't exactly very tiring, nor was it unbearable, but it was the lack of breakfast (if i recall correctly), and the dusty, hazy atmosphere in the room (probably caused by the stack and stumps of old,dusty books)....that was the crux of the problem which we faced. Aside from that, I feel that we were productive, pertaining to how much we acheieved and I feel rather proud of ourselves, but this brought about somewhat of a gastric attack to me and my brother.

Mild. Fortunately, a mild one and we induldged ourselves in Chee Chong Fan, from the market after that which was so pleasing and satisfying. But still, I find it displeasing to try to eat these from a plastic bag. Perhaps it is because I never really trained or mastered wielding a chopstick in my hand and tackling food at a weird angle.

Friday

Seriously, I never experienced such a "rot-at-home" day before for sometime. I spend this day indulging in Naruto Manga (which easily my chapter count rose dramatically after this day. talk about significance, ironically), as well as doing other lame stuff like playing my DS, piano.

Im about to finish all the avaliable chaps of Naruto and I find Naruto extremely exciting. Perhaps to the extent that I find it arousing (not in the wrong way). I confess, there are times I actually get up, squat on my chair and have two fingers in my mouth as I manually flip these online pages, in awe, astonishment and amusement.

Don't mistake Naruto for a downright shonen "beat the baddies' series, because it gets more complex than it seems. Naruto (the series itself) can be quite emotional, (if you let your emotional side sway as you read), there are emotions in Naruto, there are an array of different characters, ambitions which could be closely analyzed.

OH yes, finally the gist of the post is going to be unveiled. On friday night, my dad arrived home with my Apple Ipod touch. I was elated, excited (but at the same time), hungry and guilt-stricken. Never ever once in my life have my pockets chanced upon such a powerful standalone (and expensive) gadget. Perhaps expensive is variable relative to perspective. However, 500 singapore dollars is something I would never spend on a mp3 player. The price was hefty, but after purchasing it and trying it for a while, I find that it's totally worth it. And by the way, I got the 8GB version and an addition of 200 dollars to morph into a player with double it's size is probably totally unworth. Is it just me that finds 8GB sufficient. And my old creative mp3 player had 4Gb and it's not even full.

Perhaps I should scrap the idea that it's just a Mp3 player. Because, nowadays revolutionarised mp3 player can view videos,photos And this Itouch of mine works as a portable Internet (and youtube) as well with Wifi. I tried viewing websites infront of my com, and I was able to surf my blog, surf the blog of others with ease. And the loading times surprised me, it was alot shorter than I expected. However, Youtube was a let down. I never tried it around hotspots (like Macdonalds), but certainly the videos take ages to load and I don't reccomend anyone to wait like5 minutes for several pixels to load and play and then the cycle repeats and warps into endlessness and it's stupid user sit there staring into the "loading movie" for many many minutes. And If im not wrong,not every video on youtube can be played. A disappointment, but it isn't that bad. It's not everyday and everywhere when you get to hang around a place with decent wireless network.

That was mainly the more exotic features of this latest gadget. I would say I went Woah and was totally impressed with it's interface. The touch screen was the main plus point to this gadget. It's just too flashy, really flashy. And this is something one would have to experience himself to actually get an idea. It's probably an iphone, without the phone.

Im not going into the interface details or sound quality (because i do not really know how to elaborate). I will post pictures soon, I hope.

Im lazy to post about yesterday....Shssshh. Perhaps later.

Colourful day

Another colourful day of painting in church for props. Firstly, I apologize for being such a slacker, such a lousy painter. Afterall, I am maladroit at such nittygritty things. I can't even handle a toothbrush properly, not to mention a bigger, buffed version, and with colourful ink on it's tips.

What made me think, was not about the whole colouring event. Today we had to mix grey from black and white. Something I still am confused about, is grey obtained by the whitening of black or the blackening of white? The same? Probably. But not very the same if you think carefully enough.

Why is it, that when you mix every colour with black, you get black. If you pour a huge quantity of white into a relatively small quantity of black you don't get white. But inversely, if you did it the other way round (lots of black, little white), all the white transforms into black.

We had to paint this wall, with bricks. And it was a very 'brown' day because mainly we were using brown pain, it was fun, but after awhile, it becomes boring. And kudos to people like Nick and christina who perserved on, while others (like me) started to slack...zzz. real sorry. I can't help but feeling useless at such things. I'm just plain lazy.

Tommorow I have to wake up early to go church to sort the books for donations and we'll have to start packing.

And I'll be leaving for Europe (again) next wednesday.

Nothing to blog about....

The root

Today and yesterday passed really swiftly. Indulging in little meaningless matters. Reading manga has been one of the greatest time waster of all. Prince of tennis, is definitely a good read And again, I must stress that Prince of Tennis is an absolutely must read, whether one is a tennis fan or not. The tennis moves are really chimerical (and that can be a plus, or minus point), characters are well developed and even through manga, you can feel every character's emotions, personality, and devotion.

Though these few days have been dedicated to woolgathering and major time wasting activities (which include, Dota, Manga-reading, mindless walking around along the corridor), I have been thinking deeply into several issues. I have been in awe, and atonished because the first time in my life is realise what my favourite colour is, guess what? Grey. Grey is my fav colour, I just noticed it.

This brings us back to the root question, "how do people normally know what is their fav colour", is it something that they have decided, or is it the colour appeals to them somehow. For me, I have not experienced the feeling of being "electrified mystically" by colors. But why is it they can make a decision, yet not knowing why they like the color? is it because they are (like I said), just naturally attracted to the colour? And why of all colours (if all colours have equal appeal). Don't people question themselves why is that one colour their favourite colour? Or are such unorthodox questions not favourable amongst the shallow?

Colors are everywhere, we shouldn't neglect them. And for once, I decided to embark on a mission to be observant. It's time I consciously pay attention to colors. Because more often than not, colors appeal to our subconscious inner being, but do we even take time to pause and notice it's hue, it's shade? More often than not, no. In this hasty busy life, where have art gone to? where has appreciation of the most basic things gone to? All vanished, all effaced, along with all the distractions.

Grey. It is probably rare to find someone that will like the color grey. Ive noticed that grey is a strike of balance. A point of equipoise between black and white. Grey, to me, is a colour of compromise. If black and white (opposing personalities) would to clash, Grey, is a colour that will signify the coexsitance of black and white. Grey, has alot of meaning to it, but why is it that more often than not, Grey is put in a negative context. Is it the mood that it gives? Or is it simply the biasness of human perspective. Why is it that grey is always associated with something bad, a bad premonition (grey clouds..), or negative aspects. Can't we do some reflection. Why have human biasness, have been extented into the realm of colors. Aren't putting tags on people bad enough, even colors are not spared. Grey may be dull, but there is certainly beauty within grey, and that amplifies the definition of beauty.

Colours can be paradoxical. For example, Green a mixture of Blue and yellow. Imagine if you can, Blue represents the cooling seas, while Yellow symbolises warmth. Green, is a contradictory color as well as a balance point between cool and warmth. Perhaps that is why green is choosen for a color for nature. Now, does equilibrium (no matter in what aspect), depict peace and vice versa? I am more inclined to agree.

It makes me wonder "are all colors equal?". I believe so, and again, human perspective makes everything unequal.

I don't know why am I going on this long, uncalled for journey to elaborate every single detail on colours which I have been silently discussing with myself. It's something so arcane, I still don't get it. I think, sometimes, we should relax, catch our breath, and then appreciate the things around us. For example, what would this world be like without colors?

And again, this boils down to the ulimate question. Perhaps I become more sensitive to colours because I have been reading black and white MANGA!!!

It has brought me to a point that colour is a presence, and not an absence. People usually treat the lack of colour has anabsence of colour, we take colours for granted and we should not. Colours are a presence.

And for simplicty's sake, I shall not go on.

It's getting pretty late. 11:30pm now, to me, is a shocking time to be awake. Ive been sleeping astonishingly early and waking up early as well. Im getting used to it and I like the great energy bursts in the morning which give me a great start for my day. I shall forsake my life of an owl. I finally acknowledge the truth after many years of denial, night is for sleeping. (not stalking)

And again, I found the root of my problem. that issue. Sometimes, recovery have to be done the right time, with the right methods. It's not about forgetting, it's not about letting go, it's about losing the feelings, and that is where the crux of the problem lies.

Enlightened. I will not waver anymore.

From here on I will focus on unfinished tasks, my unfinished and incomplete battle against Alevels. It is a shocking discovery that next year is my last year of basic education. All these 11 years, all boils down to this moment, (well comparitively, a ratio of 1:11 is what we have here), 1 year to decide all. I will not allow this to be a coin tossing experiment. I will not allow myself plunge in mid air without a parachute. Perhaps, I should finally unlesh the potential within me. I must abandon the lazy nature, and forsake the demon of procastination.

Whatever it'll be, it's never good to underestimate. I don't think Alevels is going to be tough, but still, I think it's safer if I did my examinations with my eyes opened. After it's the last, the last lap. (and who lied about it being the last lap during olevels period last year). Period, and then it's time to decide what I want to do next time. I can do anything actually, anything that I like. But I know what I do must be of relevant interest to me.

What I need to do, is to pretend Im stupid. Pretend I need a whole load of effort to make it somewhere, and that is the only way Im going to succeed. If I rely on myself, and last minute wits and adrenaline rushes, I may screw up. Yes, from today onwards, I will be stupid. I will pretend I am. And I shall pretend that I need to work hard. And that is when the fruits of the labour will be seen soon. I hope. Complacency has almost ruined me.

It's been a long post, but my fingers are unwilling to stop talking. What I am saying here, is totally raw, unprocessed thoughts. And before my fingers die of exhaustion (mind you, my finger doesn't have a mind but it's thinking on it's own! seriously)....[and that brings me to something I have in mind, which I will not say now because....i will make this post too lengthy and I would like to nicely balance and spread out content amongst postes].

Good night to whoever may be reading this and thank you for surviving this long post, (if you seriously took the time to read till here). Even my fingers are sleepy and because I am a nice boss and I realise my fingers are fatigued from working severely overtime. Good night.

My first attempt

All art involves expression, and today I tried something rather "out-of-the-box", using a software, "finale notepad", I composed my ever first 2 page melody. (due to the restrictions of the software, I can't find an option to go beyond a certain number of bars). I titled it "Hoshi Hanabi", (translates into Star Fireworks), which IMO, gives a very grand, explosive yet arcane and distant feeling. Though I find my work lacking in these expects, I do have realistic expectations for a first timer (and also a not very classical-savvy person).

It was in B flat major...I settled with it. I don't know why. Maybe if you want to hear it, you can Pm me over MSN, but I doubt anyone would want to hear my weirdo composition. There's no motive, just random note filling according to the picture of nothingness I see in my head...

Sixth Counter

Sixth Counter of Fuji Syuusuke from Prince of Tennis, Hoshi Hanabi. Let me explain how it works if you still don't understand the illustrations.

Firstly, some background knowledge, Fuji's Fifth Counter, " Gatekeeper of Hetaconchieres " forces his opponent's shot not to go across the net. (now, realise how imbal is that, that is almost saying "your opponent will never be able to return this shot"). But his opponent, managed to return it by countering the spin of the Fifth counter and barely pull a Cord Ball (a ball that hit the tip of the net and crosses it barely).

The 6th counter is a counter to counter Cord Balls. Imagine if you can, he will lob the ball up high from the net (which is tumbling at an abrnomal spin...), he lobs it so high and out of sight. (wow), and then because the stadium (which the final is taking place), is open air and there is wind and since Fuji is a genius (he can READ WIND directions!!!, and im serious!), the abnormal spin sends the ball into the audience's seat and bounces from the audience seat onto the court. Now, how much imagination would that take.

That is my definition of the Sixth Counter. " Hoshi Hanabi " which translates into "star fireworks". Very suited name.

Just when I thought Echizen's "Cool drive" is really absurd.

I know not everybody reads/watches Prince of Tennis, but it's really a hilarious (yet at the same time, allows one to think chimeral and induldge in fantasy tennis shots that would never have a chance to exist in real life, it makes me wonder whether the author's (mangaka's) imagination will ever reach a state of repletion, and it makes me feel that his creativity and absurdness in work is exponentially rising, dramatically)...

Sighs, and claps. Prince of tennis is very unrealistic yet it it is unrealistically interesting.

Mercurial

Why is it that every chinese pop song I hear is either 1) about love, 2) about breakups. There is nothing decent to rest my ears one. And this isn't only about chinese songs, but English songs are also the same. What's happening to pop culture? Im better off listening to classical without words at all. Or maybe I should convert to some Indian music.

I don't like yesterday. I dont' like saturday.

I need to do some piano chionging, I need to play some Dota.

Short post i know.

My words won't reach you anymore.

Rhapsody in Blue

Eventful day. Gift factory at church, making bookmarks. Today was the 2nd session, and it was a moderately intensive one. In my humble opinion, the fatigue that sets in can be comparable to those mugging next door. Sometimes it is not deadly, brain wrecking questions that can kill, but the monotonous flat tasks can be equally deleterious. But still, I do not hint about anything querulous in nature, and I do like to stress that satisfaction, as a byproduct can be very satisfying.

Well, the only thing I can do is to draw lines. And the worst part of being a drawer is marking and measuring, then drawing lines,especially when you don't have a ruler long enough to fit the entire target area. Sad, and intensifying. This monotonous task can set one into a state of hynotism, especially if one strives to be alert in something that does not require much usage of brain cells.

I was really fatigued, but others strived on and I feel bad for slacking after my boredom meter has indicated that its red by beaming so brightly that others could possibly notice the adverse effects. Thankfully, I did accomplish some stuff during the time I was there. Though not significant, but at least I did something.

I slept in the Yf room, and then played my DS's brainage, played some piano. Slacked around and then went for dinner with my parents at pizza hut. It was quite an eventful day considering I set off rather early. (reached church around 11) and I just got home.

Somehow, busy, tiring days like these are the most gratifying days of all. It is totally the opposite feeling of slacking the entire day at home not accomplishing anything. The total exact opposite.

I am going to begin my secret training next week at church, till 20th november which after that I will be going to Europe (Spain, I guess) for 2 weeks and then following which will be Yf camp and then mission trip. I will be back very late, at least don't expect to see me lurking around online for sometime, I am away either on camp or overseas for at least 1 month out of the 2 months and 2 weeks are already over. Congrats, the last 2 weeks felt nothing like holidays actually. It was, but it didn't seem official with OP.

I still have Rondo to mug before my teacher comes tommorow. Ah one last page, must chiong. And I am going to play a nocturne next. Wooho, finally some emo-sound-alike.

dots

There was a moderate change in my life yesterday. I would say, for the better. After knowing that I can go to J2, I feel rather hyped up and excited. Perhaps it's time to scrap all that complacency and start doing something about it. I am determined, and before my determination vanishes along with time, I better start doing something. I have horrible Physics and borderline math and chem, sometimes, it makes me wonder why and how I got promoted in the first place.
I can only thank God, thank the school (for moderation).

I wouldn't say I am emo now, but the air here around me is melancholic. I feel refreshed, yet not very refreshed.I can't explain, abstractness. Yesterday, as promised, I went back for YF sports. Things were definitely better than weeks ago, I was pretty fine, and everything went well. It was not as awkward as it seems anymore, I guess. Time heals. I guess now we're back to talking terms, I must not be foolish, I must know what I really want. And, you haven't change one bit, while me, I have undergone several drastic changes in my perspective. Perhaps, this will widen the gap to futhur extents.

The long wait

A maelstrom of events happened over the last few days and the most prominent one is the one which happened just minutes ago (or perhaps an hour or two has passed?)

After a long wait, the day to march into the gates of school and collect our results have come. Will this day ameliorate our lives, or are things going downhill from here, this day decides our fate. For people who already comfortably promoted, this shouldn't be a problem, this day is just another ritualistic event. But for borderline cases who are desperately in somewhat need of new age grace and mercy which can be defined as 'moderation', today was something more than a ritualistic thing, it's like a coin-tossing experience

It wasn't a pleasant experience. But since a picture speaks a thousand words, I am going to save my hand energy by posting my result slip here.



Ignore the comments, it is absolutely evident my teacher knows how to lie (pretty well), but he did add a little of "down-to-earth" realistic truth in it, aka "has encountered some difficulties in studies". Well, to sum up, it was immaturity, and complacency.

It was quite a miracle. Moderation can be also known as Grade Level Up Scheme where your grades level up just by sympathy and grace from the school. I appreciate that (very much), because my geography would not be able to taste an 'E' if not for moderation. There weren't much tweaks with my Math Chem and Physics (h2), and as you can see from my grades, and evidently Physics is the weak link. And now I really got to do something about it. I took chem and math under feverish conditions but it is still undeniable that my grades are noobish.

Percentile speaks of reality. All most all my subjects have poor percentiles except one. GP!! which has a percentile almost 6-7 times of physics. I didn't know how I did it. But still, my GP certainly got PULLED down because I probably have a lousy CA.

It's a nice slip, honestly. I was elated.

I went to school prepared for the worst. Actually, deep inside, I thought I was going to get retained. And there was this "board" whereby the names of people are being posted and they have to go to some LT for some briefing. I was told my name wasn't on it. And initially, I thought the names of the people on it were for people who were given a choice to either promote or retain. (thus, the briefing). I came to a conclusion because only Hisham's name was on the list and according to my impression, I thought he did okay, or maybe slightly less than okay. Or maybe just a borderline cases. And those people who go normally to the classrooms to collect slips are either straight promote/retain cases. I braced myself.

And then Mr wong strolled in and still asked us to fill in Travel forms. Anti-climax. And then he made what you would call a mini speech. The whole class got promoted except Hisham who was in LT and his case still pending. So we got our slips and slip out of school as soon as possible.

Nervewrecking experience. I have been standing on thin ice for the previous 3 years. Since sec 2, I had a problem with promoting. And I remember those days when I had a horrible English CA score and that would lead to my doom if I could not (by hook or crook) gather 50 marks for the final overall score. English was of utmost importance then, with regards to promotion. Sec 3 I also got an almost "condition" promotion, but was saved by the school. Why am I always in such a situation? I have to ask myself.

But thinking on the brighter side, it's always an exciting adventure, with a good ending.

That's all, I thought of blogging about other stuff, past few days and stuff but I decided not to (somehow).

Sprinting Nose

I woke up at 5am this morning, (4:59am) to be exact. Stunning? Nah, I went back to semi conscious sleep and woke up at intervals of 1 hour. I was thinking ' why is it taking the sun so long to rise!! ". So finally I woke up at 9am.

I feel like a failure. I wanted to complete 2 pages of Revolutionary Etude by last sunday. It's tuesday already and Im still stuck on page 2 2nd line.

I don't know why. Im in a state of emotional malaise today. Too lazy to post the reasons. But Ive been really sad/emo/disturbed since last night till now, I don't know why. My heart is like a desert, and occasionally, a sand storm will brew in it. It's so on and off. I'm like a guy suffering from moodswings. That sucks, totally. I hate it, I hate feeling okay one moment and not okay another, just so random. Is this what people call depression? I bury my sorrow under a false mask of happiness,I give all my best, just to smile.

Wavering, wavering. Everything is wavering. Everything is unstable.

I find myself periodically feeling depressed. Sunday, Monday are days when I get real bad, and then things get better on tues,wed,thurs then Friday-saturday there's this building up effect. I suffer from this weekly periodic depression. Does the days have anything to do with anything? I don't know, perhaps it's related to the events on these days. Sunday is a day whereby I am home the entire day after church, and there is a great tendency to be woolgathering. And woolgathering, certainly leads to destructive thoughts.

I should stop provoking myself. I should stop testing my limits. But once in awhile, is there happiness in indulging in sadness? Why is it sometimes when things feel so fine, I always get this urge to make myself sad. There's this urge, there's this impulse to scratch that wound and let sorrow overwhelm me.

I don't know. I am starting to think very abstractly and perhaps I will even need higher level introspection to find my answers.

I would like to believe in "what doesn't kill me make me stronger". But it is more likely that "what doesn't kill me now might kill me in it's next shot/wave/pulse/relapse".

Ive lost all mood to do anything today. But I have been distracting myself. I have tried my best in distracting myself.

It's just today, I don't know why. Just today. What is so significant about today? I can't figure out. Ive been fine, Ive been really doing well, not thinking too much about the past, Ive been enjoying my life, until today. today, today. What happened? All of the sudden? It's like a blast from the past, unexpectedly, taken me hostage, just for one day and hopefully only one day (which will end pretty soon). I am taken aback, but the abrupt vice of depression that grips me, so suddenly and in such an 'out of the blue' fashion.

Ive been so weak today, emoness has reached it's state of repletion (at least in respect to daily life). Weak, weaker, weakest. There are times when people are weak, that is undeniable but what leads to this question is what are the factors to leading to why people get weak all of a sudden.

I am totally amused, totally stunned but this whole episode today. It is the abruptness that caught me off guard. What is behind all the mechanism of my body and my mind that caused a "time-replay" just today. The main point here, is I don't understand the timing, how the timing is decided, and why all of the sudden (when im doing fine all the while). What determines, what defines and what leads to being weak of a sudden. What? Is it our own thoughts? I can't figure out. And the reason behind my desperate curiousity is because I don't want such abrupt distruptions, totally uncalled for, appearing here and there. Like apparitions, freaky apparitions, I want to know it's cause and put an end to it. But yet, I don't think I will be able to find a cause for this "sudden weakness".

Maybe the solution lies with not thinking too much. Distraction is certainly a key solution and perhaps I have not explored it's potential. I have to either get better at distracting myself or get better at talking to myself. I have to snipe all that woolgathering from my life if I want to get better.

To digress. Project work finally came to an end today on a high note, OP presentation. I think our group fared pretty decently as compared to the other group that went after us which our group members classed as "cmi". It's not good to judge, but sometimes inequalities are too evident and noticable. But still, project work is just project work. School is only a small portion of our lives, one aspect and project work is just one of that many small aspects of School. A percentage of a percentage will yield a small percentage. And even within that small percentage (PW), we get another small percentage (OP), do the math, and you'll realise OP has been given alot more attention then it's worth. But still, I disagree with the concept of project work. (and I will elaborate futhur on another day, this post is getting dramatically lengthy).

At least tommorow will (hopefully) be a day of distraction. I have piano in the morning, then badminton in the afternoon and thai class in the evening. Totally packed, I love being busy. I hate days where I sit at home idle the entire day.

To be realistic, this post has served it's purpose. I snapped out of all that emoness after blogging (and feeling refresh). What kind of therapy is this? Bloggrapy.(lol!). And it certainly works, for me.

Laziness brings me back

To be honest I almost wanted to scrap this site and rebuild it on wordpress. But the laziness within me refuses to accomodate. Struggling, struggling, I find myself settling back here. With great determination I set off but laziness eventually drags me back here. I find myself too engrossed in lazing around to be occupied with HTML and css style sheets. (when there are better things I can do..)..I actually blogged one post on that 'new' blog of mine. And I am lazy to repeat everything I have written again. (mainly about yesterday..)

I have absolutely nothing to blog about today.

Tommorow will be the actual day for OP, and that marks the end of the gruelling battle against project work. The actual thing lasts for an hour but we will have to sit there to be dummy audiences for other groups. Woah, great. Great. I shall begin my relentless flaming of project work after everything has ended tommorow. Look forward to it, acidic, corrosive words! Don't worry there will not be anything invective in nature.

(ive seen people like Engyian and I suspect, derek too flame Project work. I too, should follow the "intellectual" gang), and again Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.

And before I forget, I must bring my tie tommorow.

Will playing too much of my Nintendo DS be a redound to one's intelligence, or is it otherwise? I find myself playing too much Yugioh (a card game by the way), extremely adictive, and I find myself weak and groggy after too much of it. Perhaps, even if I would want to induldge in a lifeless lives, I should probably find more salubrious means.

Ah, It's been a long time since I got some excercise. I need to start running and regain my 2.4 timing...I must play some badminton next week. It's still fun, exciting, but I find my drive irresolute and languid, wavering passion. I no longer seek to improve, I no longer seek to go all out on every shot and improve my speed continously. I have abandoned that journey, and now my focus is shifted to other things.

But what?

Never mind, what a meaningless excursus.

I guess blogging, when you have nothing to say, is extremely detrimental to your mind, as well as "self-esteem". I don't see the particular link between both but, I just feel that way. And it's okay to say what you feel. Hope I made some sense (I don't really get myself too).

I guess I will stop blabbing on meaninglessly here. And before I forget, facebook is actually more entertaining than I thought....

And for maple peeps out there, there is actually a maplestory ANIME avaliable for download. I watched episode 1 and I tried not to laugh/cry out of boredom. But it was decent in the sense it could have been worst.

Finally the R4

I know this is going to be another meaningless post. infact, very.

I just got my R4 yesterday for Nintendo DS. Hitched a rike from my dad and went to Bp plaza. It costed me 84 bucks (Im not sure whether I was being ripped but to be honest I don't really care. What can I do anyway? I have no bargaining rights in the first place because I didn't do any study on that gadget). 84 seems decent to me, so I clinched the deal.

Didn't have that trusty ezlink card with me. For some reason, my ezlink (student) is being recognised as "invalid" for the time being. Too lazy to figure out what happened but I have been travelling using coins. Taking Lrt back from Bp plaza is going to be a tedious journey, so I settled (ironically) with a more tedious journey. I hate waiting, infact, I rather walk than hop on public transport. So I begun my journey. It was about a 35-45 minute walk from bp plaza to my house.

So I reached home, and in great fervour and excitement I ripped apart all that box and wrapping that came with it. With haste, I loaded my games, popped it into my NDS and hoped for it to work.

Voila, not. It did not work. It was missnig some menu.dat file. Which upon research I found out that there was supposed to be a CD that came with it (but DID NOT). So I had to hop onto the website and download the manually. This totally dampered my enthuiasim...

Finally got it working. Tried couple of games...

What's on my list now
1) Bombermand Land touch
2) Tetris DS
3) Brainage
4) Harvest Moon DS
5) Yugioh World championships 2007
6) Digimon World Dawn
7) Full Metal Alchemist Dual Sympathy

Intend to load more games in. Brainage is a killer, but I don't think one can last very long on that game (and the game itself doesn't provide much to last more than 30 minutes each go, it's like a warm-up dS game). Harvest moon seems pretty decent. I know my choice of games are pretty unorthodox, new age games don't exactly apply to me. I remember thos days when I played the Playstation I settled with the more unknown and unpopular RPGS. I remember how much I loved Digimon World and it's card battle.

Yugioh is just too nostalgic for me.

Haven't really played bomberman and tetris, but as far as I know.....FMA dual sympathy is really one crappy game.

Okay ending here.

I nida bathe.
Cya later

Expect

Dex asked me to create a new blogskin for him, and I will. At the same time, I shall go make one for myself.

Expect to see a new blogskin by next week.

Nothing much to post about.

Cya
:)

Early morning

I find myself waking up unusually early these days. 6 plus and I'm already semi-conscious and lazing around in bed. And by 7 im usually thinking of getting up and 7:15 I'm already walking around. This is so unnatural, weird. I don't get my body system sometimes. Actually, holidays are good days to be waking up early.

Tayye ponned school today. He was supposed to go sch, he got up, then he went to bathe. Then he came out of the bathroom "ahhh i think i do't want to go to school ". I'm so proud of my brother man, that's so like me! Imitation is probably the most sincere form of flattery.

Im not sure what Im gonna do today. I know I gotta pia music theory because exams are on saturday. And for some reason, I feel so noob, both in theory and playing. My left hand veins pop like anything whenver I play revolutionary etude. but now, just some consolation, Im on the 2nd page, and 2/5 of it.Wee, all in just one morning. waking up early is good.

Ahh nothing much today. Lifeless rotting, Bleach, Dota, piano lesson, sleeping...rotting.

Oh and Im reading my dads book, "citibanks guide to personal wealth", seems interesting...