I'm supposed to be studying Math now and I haven't done a single thing since I reached home around 1400 hrs. Math paper 2 is tomorrow and we're going to get spammed with statistics! And yet I still find myself unable to do statistics. I'm still pre-tutorial level, (which is one notch below the barely exam level). I gotta start learning them now. I have ONE night! Ganbatte!
Decided to blog first because I just came back from a jog. Well I mean, sprint. I finally decided to run because I'm getting really unfit and this greasy feeling is really inducing unease. I sprinted 3.2 Km. I don't like to jog, more of I don't like the slow and steady jog because that's boring. I prefer the short run that will last about 15 minutes at most including warm up. It saves a lot of time! Let's see, in three months time, I'm going to get back into the NINE ZONE!!.
Finally the Mid year examination arc is drawing to an end. I have holidays from Wednesday all the way to the next Monday (youth day), which I am so looking forward to. It makes me all motivated and psyched up for the last lap of this mid year examinations. yet ironically, I am not making use of this extra psychological boost and instead slacking down here. :(
Chemistry was decent today. It was the most survivable paper so far, to me at least. Electro chemistry came out in abundance. I mean seriously out of EIGHT questions, three were based on Electro chemistry and it's derivatives. It's fortunate that I did study electro chem to somewhat of an extent, which means I probably survived, hopefully. Organic chemistry was surprisingly easy, which is going to be the bulk of the marks I'm going to harvest. The last common sense question was really interesting. It was a relief that they had questions where you did not have to have much prior knowledge to attempt, that even a person that didn't prepare sufficiently could do well in. I gave away Solubility product though and for Acid/Base equilibra, I'd say it's a 50-50 chance I get some marks because I have no idea what I was doing. (but seriously, to me, what I wrote seemed logical!) I'm hoping for an E grade for chemistry overall though.
(and I realized I do have a lot to blog about).
//EDIT:typing this at 0101 hrs due to the fact that I couldn't finish my post just now
I started talking to my brother, which ate up some more time. Then I eventually started work at 21oo Hrs.
I finished studying the 3 distributions with normal distribution giving me the most problems. I am probably at post tutorial standard right now which is almost the barely examination standard, which means I'm quite dead for tomorrow's paper. I just briefly read through permutations/combinations as well as probability. I'm like more dead now. I never touched any pure mathematics! I honestly hope it will just somehow turn out fine tomorrow. Well, I've died to graphs and functions last week, so I guess there's nothing much more to die in anymore, or is there. *shivers in fear*. 3 more hours of a drowning sensation.
It's 0104 hrs in the morning right now. I am about to catch some sleep but I cannot rest in peace leaving an un-blogged post under drafts!
//End.Math.Rant
I feel like playing some etudes right now. My brother is hinting that I'm about to reach my potential maximum point of my 10/4 etude, which is so sad because it means this is how far I will go. It's almost like going to the airport without an airplane ticket having packed all the luggage but unable to fly. I want to fly! I want to soar with this etude! ( I mean seriously ). I am no where near mastering it, not even playing it decently (well, examination standard perhaps?). I still have my other stuff to keep me happy at least. Revolutionary is turning out quite neat, I hope. I'm starting to gain interest in the Ocean Etude. It's so sad that I can't really find time to practice these days. I cannot spend energy in an extravagant manner.
I want to learn flute, or the cello. It's a hard decision. A'levels are coming up but I'm still taking up a new instrument. Suicidal huh? Cello seems like a better choice but I don't like how gigantic it is (relative to the flute), and I like the portability of a flute. In addition, the flute doesn't sound as mellow as the cello. Tough choice! The equilibrium position of my liking is like wavering, however I have decided to be adamant once I've made my decision. Knowing how to play one instrument is just not enough. I want to be versatile. Though I don't really consider myself to be able to play the piano just yet (in my opinion, I think one must be able to play some chopin etudes, or equivalents to be considered barely able play the piano).
Today was one hectic day. I was balancing statistics with a myriad of conversations on MSN, some pertaining to Math itself. Today I spent quite some of my "stoning time" while reading Math notes pondering about friendship. I wondered what friendship to me. Is is something really disposable? And if it is, is this then, the ultimate evidence of selfishness? Friendship, to me, is just mutual company, mutual caring.
And then coincidently I saw a nick on MSN that says "Friendship is love without wings". It's a beautiful quote mainly because there are probably more than one interpretations to it. To me, it places friendship in a negative light. It highlight's it's limits by comparing it with love. It's like saying friendship is incomplete love, or in other words, love that cannot soar. However, one can interpret it inversely, which puts friendship in a positive light instead.
Everybody places their happiness in different aspects. However, when one places their happiness in the hands of something which they are not in control of, happiness becomes very volatile and inconsistent. Thus, I feel that it is better to place one's happiness in something which can be controlled to a greater extent. Placing happiness in friendship is definitely something which isn't wrong, neither it is bad, but the drawback is that a lot effort have to be made to be in control of the situation. I have come to one conclusion, anything that involves people is definitely confusing, inconsistent and complicated. For the inherent human nature of complexity is trammel to clarity and control.
And hope is the reagent to disappointment.
Seriously, why am I posting such stuff 0145 hrs midnight, with a Math Paper 0800 hrs the next morning.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
40th Anniversary
I just got home. A rather long day I would say. This post will not be solely a 'wall of text', I'm going to include some pictures taken today! Say Yay because it's like so rare that I post pictures. Well I got to say maybe it was only today when I could remember that my phone is equipped with a camera function
This MIGHT be a long post. Other than the fact that a picture is actually already a thousand words.
So I went to church rather early, supposed to be studying statistics. I brought along this CsToh math guide book which I came to a conclusion several days ago that it was inferior compared to it's science counterparts. I don't think it's an updated version because it doesn't really include any information of how to key stuff with the GC. Additionally, I find the presentation very confusing. I don't want to read a binomial distribution chapter where they're not going to even tell me how to use binomcpf or whatever. Yes, it was sad studying alone.
I didn't study much, or should I say I didn't study at all. So I have tomorrow, one whole day for Chem, and hopefully some statistics.
So finally it was Glory English service 40th Anniversary service (long name huh). I personally like orchestra-ed worship, which rocks so much. At first, I was quite skeptical about choir with orchestra (the image just didn't fit in my mind you know), but ultimately it was really awesome. It makes me feel guilty. or maybe, a sense of remorse of guilt. Now, I want to play the violin so much. But I'm too old to have a thousand hours a day to practice simply because I have school. I've wasted pretty much a hundred percent of my adolescence away. So right now, what you can see is a useless bum, unlike a kid on the stage who can play the violin pretty well. Well, it's no use comparing. I don't come from a very musical family, only a dad who plays classical guitar quite decently (according to him though). That's certainly not enough to convince a rebellious, unmotivated kid like me to love music at a young age. I hated music, honestly.
And then it was the 40th anniversary dinner. We were arranged into different tables. the tables were round and pretty, the chairs seemed fairly comfortable, everything was in fine order, except that there was pretty much a huge absence of wind. We were seated quite at the perimeter of the entire location, and there was supposed to be wind. The nearest fan was a table away and it was spinning in circular motion so much that there was totally no concentration of wind at any area at all. Thus, the effect of the fan was negligible. I was perspiring insanely. I had to go to the toilet, use toilet paper and dry myself!!
I'm quite lazy to post more. I'm actually quite fatigued right (again, you might say).
Oh yes, the food was decent but in rather small portions to the extent I still feel hungry now. Surprisingly there was shark fin but a low volume of it. The rest was moderately delicious, the dish intervals was at least better than parent's night. I discovered I have taken a liking to yam. I used to dislike yam, I hated it, but now it tastes really good, I wonder why. Things change perhaps, even our perspective, our perception, even our taste buds. Oh wow.
Well, finally yes. Pictures!
My family, with the Auckland reverend. (forgot his name).
This must be the most hilarious, freaky picture ever! I was literally ROFL-copter mode when I saw this. (as in after I took it). Nothing can beat this special bankai Tay Yang with his reflective glasses trying to look cool or trying to look like some genius whiz kid on a movie poster. As you can see, it's actually Tay brothers minus Tay Ye (he was being anti social in the car ).
Random "camwhoring" with my brother in the car. (very bored).
Oh yes, going to attend Nicholas' birthday party tomorrow! Happy birthday Nicholas!
(though I don't know the actual date.., but I will find out!)
I found this picture on my phone by accident. I didn't know I subconsciously do "camwhore" a little. It's quite recent, couple of weeks back.
I'm feeling very itchy now. I think my room is on some mosquito invasion again. I should evacuate soon.....
This MIGHT be a long post. Other than the fact that a picture is actually already a thousand words.
So I went to church rather early, supposed to be studying statistics. I brought along this CsToh math guide book which I came to a conclusion several days ago that it was inferior compared to it's science counterparts. I don't think it's an updated version because it doesn't really include any information of how to key stuff with the GC. Additionally, I find the presentation very confusing. I don't want to read a binomial distribution chapter where they're not going to even tell me how to use binomcpf or whatever. Yes, it was sad studying alone.
I didn't study much, or should I say I didn't study at all. So I have tomorrow, one whole day for Chem, and hopefully some statistics.
So finally it was Glory English service 40th Anniversary service (long name huh). I personally like orchestra-ed worship, which rocks so much. At first, I was quite skeptical about choir with orchestra (the image just didn't fit in my mind you know), but ultimately it was really awesome. It makes me feel guilty. or maybe, a sense of remorse of guilt. Now, I want to play the violin so much. But I'm too old to have a thousand hours a day to practice simply because I have school. I've wasted pretty much a hundred percent of my adolescence away. So right now, what you can see is a useless bum, unlike a kid on the stage who can play the violin pretty well. Well, it's no use comparing. I don't come from a very musical family, only a dad who plays classical guitar quite decently (according to him though). That's certainly not enough to convince a rebellious, unmotivated kid like me to love music at a young age. I hated music, honestly.
And then it was the 40th anniversary dinner. We were arranged into different tables. the tables were round and pretty, the chairs seemed fairly comfortable, everything was in fine order, except that there was pretty much a huge absence of wind. We were seated quite at the perimeter of the entire location, and there was supposed to be wind. The nearest fan was a table away and it was spinning in circular motion so much that there was totally no concentration of wind at any area at all. Thus, the effect of the fan was negligible. I was perspiring insanely. I had to go to the toilet, use toilet paper and dry myself!!
I'm quite lazy to post more. I'm actually quite fatigued right (again, you might say).
Oh yes, the food was decent but in rather small portions to the extent I still feel hungry now. Surprisingly there was shark fin but a low volume of it. The rest was moderately delicious, the dish intervals was at least better than parent's night. I discovered I have taken a liking to yam. I used to dislike yam, I hated it, but now it tastes really good, I wonder why. Things change perhaps, even our perspective, our perception, even our taste buds. Oh wow.
Well, finally yes. Pictures!
My family, with the Auckland reverend. (forgot his name).
This must be the most hilarious, freaky picture ever! I was literally ROFL-copter mode when I saw this. (as in after I took it). Nothing can beat this special bankai Tay Yang with his reflective glasses trying to look cool or trying to look like some genius whiz kid on a movie poster. As you can see, it's actually Tay brothers minus Tay Ye (he was being anti social in the car ).
Random "camwhoring" with my brother in the car. (very bored).
Oh yes, going to attend Nicholas' birthday party tomorrow! Happy birthday Nicholas!
(though I don't know the actual date.., but I will find out!)
I found this picture on my phone by accident. I didn't know I subconsciously do "camwhore" a little. It's quite recent, couple of weeks back.
I'm feeling very itchy now. I think my room is on some mosquito invasion again. I should evacuate soon.....
Friday, June 27, 2008
Today, Part 2
I feel so pissed. This lingering fatigue would not leave me. I feel zombified right now, entirely enervated.
Tomorrow I am certain that I have to study something. At least some math and chem. It's going to be one busy weekend with 40th anniversary plus Nicholas's birthday party on Sunday evening. Plus, my papers are on Monday. I can roughly see myself dead. Furthermore, I am so tired to the point that my frequency of yawning exceeds that of the blinking of an eye.
[Unleash Rant]
I am rather disappointed with myself today. Yes, I haven't been doing my minimum two hours on the piano lately due to the need to level up for the mid year examinations. My etude, well 10/4 is now sluggish. I realized instead of it improving, it's worsening with a sharp gradient. In addition, I've developed quite a bit of bad habits on several sections. Now I need to go back and do metronome-ish, bar-by-bar practice to get everything in order. (which will need a lot more time). Everything seems sluggish, horrible and retarded. I feel spastic breaking down like X number of times running through my etude. (where X is directly proportional to how fast I go, as well as inversely proportional to the amount of concentration I have). I can play considerably fast now, at the expense of clarity and consistency. (I've even tried breaking 200 BPM man!). I need serious renovation work on this piece. One thing, just no control. I feel out of control, every time and that feeling sucks.
I practiced about 4 hours today. Sluggish mode, didn't accomplish much. I should be posting this in my other blog, but heck, I'm just too lazy to do so. What for have so many blogs. My other blog is probably bound for the bin soon anyway.
//End rant
Time flies. In a matter of months I will be sitting for the the boss stage-A'levels. And then in another few more months I will be displaced from ordinary citizen life, ripped off my human rights and hauled to national service. There goes everything, and I mean everything. I'm quite fearful of the unknown. I fear that some things might be taken away from me. NS might rob me of my passion for music (or rather, virtuosic piano pieces to be more specific), it WILL turn me bald, (good to see how I may look like in my fifties when hair starts to drop due to gravity of age). Can't imagine. The minatory future is scary indeed.
I want to write more, but there's the limit my mind can go. I'm just way too fatigued.
Tomorrow I am certain that I have to study something. At least some math and chem. It's going to be one busy weekend with 40th anniversary plus Nicholas's birthday party on Sunday evening. Plus, my papers are on Monday. I can roughly see myself dead. Furthermore, I am so tired to the point that my frequency of yawning exceeds that of the blinking of an eye.
[Unleash Rant]
I am rather disappointed with myself today. Yes, I haven't been doing my minimum two hours on the piano lately due to the need to level up for the mid year examinations. My etude, well 10/4 is now sluggish. I realized instead of it improving, it's worsening with a sharp gradient. In addition, I've developed quite a bit of bad habits on several sections. Now I need to go back and do metronome-ish, bar-by-bar practice to get everything in order. (which will need a lot more time). Everything seems sluggish, horrible and retarded. I feel spastic breaking down like X number of times running through my etude. (where X is directly proportional to how fast I go, as well as inversely proportional to the amount of concentration I have). I can play considerably fast now, at the expense of clarity and consistency. (I've even tried breaking 200 BPM man!). I need serious renovation work on this piece. One thing, just no control. I feel out of control, every time and that feeling sucks.
I practiced about 4 hours today. Sluggish mode, didn't accomplish much. I should be posting this in my other blog, but heck, I'm just too lazy to do so. What for have so many blogs. My other blog is probably bound for the bin soon anyway.
//End rant
Time flies. In a matter of months I will be sitting for the the boss stage-A'levels. And then in another few more months I will be displaced from ordinary citizen life, ripped off my human rights and hauled to national service. There goes everything, and I mean everything. I'm quite fearful of the unknown. I fear that some things might be taken away from me. NS might rob me of my passion for music (or rather, virtuosic piano pieces to be more specific), it WILL turn me bald, (good to see how I may look like in my fifties when hair starts to drop due to gravity of age). Can't imagine. The minatory future is scary indeed.
I want to write more, but there's the limit my mind can go. I'm just way too fatigued.
Shackles of Fatigue
I slept pretty early last night, and when I woke up, I was supposed to feel refreshed. I don't know if I'm going to study today, I feel totally like slacking. As I got on my com I began to wonder why there are so little people online. Then I finally came to enlightenment that school has already begun. And on top of that, one week ago. Currently, my vision is probably suffering from a mild "vertiginous effect". I feel weak as if I'm going to fall sick soon. I want to play, but the paucity of energy is so restrictive. And yet my physics notes can say "Energy cannot be created or destroyed", a highly ironic statement, especially when physics, together with it's clique, wrecked all the energy in me. Blame myself for being indolent, that left almost all studying clustered for the day before examinations.
LALALA I'm just crapping. I feel hungry!
Chopin 10/2, 10/4, 10/12 are my goals right now. Etudes are the way to go man!
LALALA I'm just crapping. I feel hungry!
Chopin 10/2, 10/4, 10/12 are my goals right now. Etudes are the way to go man!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Decapitated
Oh well. Finally HALF of all my papers are over. Merely half, and I'm half dead.
The days cut the papers horizontally, not vertically. I don't have much to comment about it though It's actually fine considering now we know what topics are more likely to be out in the 2nd section.
Today was really one hectic day. I woke up at the usual 0700 Hrs again. Started mugging math, which was again, I believe to no avail. This time round, I pulled my questions out and started doing. Ah and from Summation to Vectors to Complex Numbers I just kept doing. I had my trusty solution book lest I stumble across some cryptic question. So I just kept doing till around 1000 hrs where I manage to find some ease and confidence to play some piano. I was rampaging on my etude, going on frenzy that I swear I could hurt my burning arms playing 10/4 at 220 BPM. trust me, I almost died. So around 1100 hrs it was back to math again. This time round, I read a lot, tried to squeeze ApGp formulas, some vectors formulas and read some part of calculus. My brain seemed fine, I drank a surfeit of coffee, and I had some concentration boosting pill this morning with breakfast.
So time was soon up and I braved the dreadful journey to school under the blazing sun. I was drenched by the time I was in school. So well, the paper was nicely scheduled in a classroom. (I made an effort to check this time!). Having papers in classroom is better. Not only it is a thousand times more conducive, the collecting of scripts are way faster relative to the hall.
Three more hours of Math is certainly going to kill my brain. Trust me, I never did so much math in a single day before. The paper overall was okay. Just that I was rather pissed. I flipped the pages. wait. ONLY SIX marks on vectors and a stingy 5 marks on complex numbers. Vectors occupies 3 chapters of notes, while on the other hand Chapters 8A) Graphs and 8)B transformations both alone are worth almost 20 marks in total and I almost didn't studied them. Graphs! Those deadly graphs, and transformation of graphs. I already hate graphs, let alone graph distortion!! Now this is so not good. They had other manageable questions, I could do the Induction and Summation (surprisingly), but the amount of calculus questions were scarce. There was a differential equation question (oh wait, is it not?) that I didn't even know it was one. A integration question which I didn't know how to do!
I think this is a very unfavorable paper for me. Firstly, I studied a lot of complex and vectors, SO WHERE ARE THEY? Where is my Macclaurin series? This paper is so freaking weird that they even have matrices, and functions came out pretty heavy too. The over emphasis on what you call it again? Yes, transformations pretty much screwed the entire paper for me. I drew weird shapes and distort my graphs the wrong direction, now, now, I feel totally unjust.
Half way into the paper I was brain dead. Even doing simple algebraic manipiluation is troublesomely taxing on my brain, let alone think about more complex questions. I even forgot how to do a long division (which is well, really really sad). I threw away a lot of marks, because my brain couldn't function after a while.
I think hopefully I can scrape somewhere for paper 1. the fate of my math lies in paper 2. I don't think I will hit the rock bottom but not certainly lofty grades as well. Probably I hope after studying some serious statistics so I will be able to scrape even more.
I'm actually feeling highly fatigued right now. Maybe examinations aren't that exciting after all.
The days cut the papers horizontally, not vertically. I don't have much to comment about it though It's actually fine considering now we know what topics are more likely to be out in the 2nd section.
Today was really one hectic day. I woke up at the usual 0700 Hrs again. Started mugging math, which was again, I believe to no avail. This time round, I pulled my questions out and started doing. Ah and from Summation to Vectors to Complex Numbers I just kept doing. I had my trusty solution book lest I stumble across some cryptic question. So I just kept doing till around 1000 hrs where I manage to find some ease and confidence to play some piano. I was rampaging on my etude, going on frenzy that I swear I could hurt my burning arms playing 10/4 at 220 BPM. trust me, I almost died. So around 1100 hrs it was back to math again. This time round, I read a lot, tried to squeeze ApGp formulas, some vectors formulas and read some part of calculus. My brain seemed fine, I drank a surfeit of coffee, and I had some concentration boosting pill this morning with breakfast.
So time was soon up and I braved the dreadful journey to school under the blazing sun. I was drenched by the time I was in school. So well, the paper was nicely scheduled in a classroom. (I made an effort to check this time!). Having papers in classroom is better. Not only it is a thousand times more conducive, the collecting of scripts are way faster relative to the hall.
Three more hours of Math is certainly going to kill my brain. Trust me, I never did so much math in a single day before. The paper overall was okay. Just that I was rather pissed. I flipped the pages. wait. ONLY SIX marks on vectors and a stingy 5 marks on complex numbers. Vectors occupies 3 chapters of notes, while on the other hand Chapters 8A) Graphs and 8)B transformations both alone are worth almost 20 marks in total and I almost didn't studied them. Graphs! Those deadly graphs, and transformation of graphs. I already hate graphs, let alone graph distortion!! Now this is so not good. They had other manageable questions, I could do the Induction and Summation (surprisingly), but the amount of calculus questions were scarce. There was a differential equation question (oh wait, is it not?) that I didn't even know it was one. A integration question which I didn't know how to do!
I think this is a very unfavorable paper for me. Firstly, I studied a lot of complex and vectors, SO WHERE ARE THEY? Where is my Macclaurin series? This paper is so freaking weird that they even have matrices, and functions came out pretty heavy too. The over emphasis on what you call it again? Yes, transformations pretty much screwed the entire paper for me. I drew weird shapes and distort my graphs the wrong direction, now, now, I feel totally unjust.
Half way into the paper I was brain dead. Even doing simple algebraic manipiluation is troublesomely taxing on my brain, let alone think about more complex questions. I even forgot how to do a long division (which is well, really really sad). I threw away a lot of marks, because my brain couldn't function after a while.
I think hopefully I can scrape somewhere for paper 1. the fate of my math lies in paper 2. I don't think I will hit the rock bottom but not certainly lofty grades as well. Probably I hope after studying some serious statistics so I will be able to scrape even more.
I'm actually feeling highly fatigued right now. Maybe examinations aren't that exciting after all.
The long awaited..
Augmented font sizes!
I finally grew sick of small fonts, they're kinda cute but big fonts are fabulous in the name of pragmatism.
Math in about 2 hours time. Sickening. I'm just going to die without putting much of a fight. Dying in math is just like drowning in water. Don't ask me why, I just get that feeling.
We get a good 3 day break before the 3 next papers (consecutive papers starting Monday). I'm already quite permanently fatigued because of all that last minute mugging in attempts to not die too badly in my papers. I'm tired.
Die TY Die.
I finally grew sick of small fonts, they're kinda cute but big fonts are fabulous in the name of pragmatism.
Math in about 2 hours time. Sickening. I'm just going to die without putting much of a fight. Dying in math is just like drowning in water. Don't ask me why, I just get that feeling.
We get a good 3 day break before the 3 next papers (consecutive papers starting Monday). I'm already quite permanently fatigued because of all that last minute mugging in attempts to not die too badly in my papers. I'm tired.
Die TY Die.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Guillotine indeed
Just came back from chemistry paper 3. I started the paper with a serious handicap. I was this blur sotong who doesn't know his index number. So I assumed that the examination would be held the hall ( which is usually the case ). I didn't bother finding my classmates, so I just waited at the hall. When the examination started, I walked in the hall trying to find my class. It was certainly no easy feat with like everyone staring at their desk. I tried looking out for empty chairs and tables, there were not many and I'm sure my friends would wave at me if they saw me wandering along the rows and columns. Then I asked the teacher for directions. One dude pointed left to me, and another pointed right. So I literally combed the entire hall, without spotting a single of my classmates.
Was it the wrong day? the wrong paper. WRONG VENUE? The people in the hall were already starting the paper. oh cows, I would be lying if I said I didn't panic to a certain extent. So finally one kind soul manage to try to tell me that there wasn't only one venue. So I literally ran out of the hall. Thankfully, the school was peaceful and I could hear the sound of creaking tables and chairs two floors above. I looked up from the corridor. So everyone's upstairs!
So finally I manage to reach there about a minute or less after they started. Thankfully, there was "time lapse" in starting the papers. I sat down and perspiration was overwhelming me. The lemon barley in my hands was ineffectual in quenching my awkwardness. To a certain extent, I wonder why was it condensing so insanely that it damps my entire palm whenever I pick it up to drink. Then it had to induce wet spots on my question paper which aggravates the situation.
The first ten minutes was spent trying to calm myself down. And while wiping off trickling perspiration, wet palms and thirst inflicted throat, I managed to plot the graph of the first question. And blah blah blah. Time literally phase shifted. I finally realized I was not exactly doing a one and a half hour paper. It was, well, legally speaking. 1.5 hours, but the volume of questions certainly exceeds any logical sense of proportionality. It was fine, that's if you were steady and had every single chemical equation in the syllabus up your sleeve or thousand years of practice to back you up, but to someone who just memorized equations the morning before, certainly felt pressure swelling and finally erupting in pulses every few milliseconds. It was certainly a weird experience.
And the questions initially looked rather manageable. To think I couldn't do the Organic Deductive question (which is usually, kind of a free frag ) but this time round, due to some arcane reason I got stuck. And till now I don't even know where I got stuck. I wrote some random equations and I think I found 1 or 2 structural formulas. The rest were graffiti. Seriously, so not good. Ten marks down the drain. Flush!
Some questions seem fine, but a majority owned me. I mean, I wasn't very stable in chemistry in the first place. Right now, coupled with the assault of time, and the pressure of starting the examination in a chaotic manner is certainly going to wreck havoc. (in my marks too).
Thankfully it's just paper 3. (which is less than 50% of the entire subject). I still have 1,2 to work for. But I find myself demoralized. It seems to me like the message is clear, I can't read and pass, let alone do well. Perhaps I need thousand years of practice under my sleeve or it's equivalent.
Disappointments, yes, I couldn't do the organic deductive. The rest was okay, but I was seriously banging on that 10 marks to pass this paper. Without that, passing isn't really possible.
Tomorrow is Math. Yes, the dreaded 3 hour torture session. I have to admit I lost some will to study. I have contemplated just rotting today and tomorrow morning away and just die for the paper. Am I that weak willed? I start to doubt my last minute "ability". Was it all along like this? Or did they just level the playing field up. I wonder.
Was it the wrong day? the wrong paper. WRONG VENUE? The people in the hall were already starting the paper. oh cows, I would be lying if I said I didn't panic to a certain extent. So finally one kind soul manage to try to tell me that there wasn't only one venue. So I literally ran out of the hall. Thankfully, the school was peaceful and I could hear the sound of creaking tables and chairs two floors above. I looked up from the corridor. So everyone's upstairs!
So finally I manage to reach there about a minute or less after they started. Thankfully, there was "time lapse" in starting the papers. I sat down and perspiration was overwhelming me. The lemon barley in my hands was ineffectual in quenching my awkwardness. To a certain extent, I wonder why was it condensing so insanely that it damps my entire palm whenever I pick it up to drink. Then it had to induce wet spots on my question paper which aggravates the situation.
The first ten minutes was spent trying to calm myself down. And while wiping off trickling perspiration, wet palms and thirst inflicted throat, I managed to plot the graph of the first question. And blah blah blah. Time literally phase shifted. I finally realized I was not exactly doing a one and a half hour paper. It was, well, legally speaking. 1.5 hours, but the volume of questions certainly exceeds any logical sense of proportionality. It was fine, that's if you were steady and had every single chemical equation in the syllabus up your sleeve or thousand years of practice to back you up, but to someone who just memorized equations the morning before, certainly felt pressure swelling and finally erupting in pulses every few milliseconds. It was certainly a weird experience.
And the questions initially looked rather manageable. To think I couldn't do the Organic Deductive question (which is usually, kind of a free frag ) but this time round, due to some arcane reason I got stuck. And till now I don't even know where I got stuck. I wrote some random equations and I think I found 1 or 2 structural formulas. The rest were graffiti. Seriously, so not good. Ten marks down the drain. Flush!
Some questions seem fine, but a majority owned me. I mean, I wasn't very stable in chemistry in the first place. Right now, coupled with the assault of time, and the pressure of starting the examination in a chaotic manner is certainly going to wreck havoc. (in my marks too).
Thankfully it's just paper 3. (which is less than 50% of the entire subject). I still have 1,2 to work for. But I find myself demoralized. It seems to me like the message is clear, I can't read and pass, let alone do well. Perhaps I need thousand years of practice under my sleeve or it's equivalent.
Disappointments, yes, I couldn't do the organic deductive. The rest was okay, but I was seriously banging on that 10 marks to pass this paper. Without that, passing isn't really possible.
Tomorrow is Math. Yes, the dreaded 3 hour torture session. I have to admit I lost some will to study. I have contemplated just rotting today and tomorrow morning away and just die for the paper. Am I that weak willed? I start to doubt my last minute "ability". Was it all along like this? Or did they just level the playing field up. I wonder.
Entropy
Before I meet the chemistry guillotine, I shall say some last words.
I've been trying to study Math last night, to almost no avail. It was trying to condense a year's work into a night, which was virtually impossible. I advanced, I tried, but I believe it's still not enough. This morning, I was surprised I got up rather early, I'd say around 0730 hrs?
I felt an uncontrollable urge to go berserk in ecstasy, but the fact that chemistry is like in a few hours made the whole mood go sour and sunken. I dread chemistry thinking how I might die later. I'm suffering from wavering confidence. It's like confident, yet insecure. Why am I feeling such alternating confidence? Again, I've only read chemistry. Especially Energetics and Kinetics where I just read through. I've never drawn an energy level diagram correctly in my life but I think I know how. And that is perhaps the cause of wavering confidence. You think you do, but yet sometimes you doubt yourself. Do I really know my stuff? I guess my "Root Mean Square Confidence" is rather large, though.
And then yes, Organic chemistry. Been a long time since I touched anything to do with Organic chemistry. It used to be my favourite part of chemistry, well, at least relatively. There is going to be a Organic Deductive question and sometimes I fear what they can make of it. I don't care if they make it hard, but just don't include Nitrogen Chemistry into the deductive question. If they do, (and introduce it early), let's say I'm so dead. I've read through Nitrogen chemistry several times in my whole life, but I never seem to grasp it properly. Freak, I hate Nitrogen chemistry.
Paper 3 is just roughly several bunches of topics and approximately 5 topics plus the entire organic chemistry, and yet I'm already going berserk. For the fact that the school is already quite kind in telling us what will come out for Paper 3...
And then after being sliced and diced later in chemistry I will face the problem of restoring my broken ego and confidence to prepare for the mathematics guillotine. I believe math is more of torture death rather than an instant-fire one. Because they torture you for 3 hour before you are dismissed (if you're still alive). At least paper 3 later is only half of what math offers and probably exponentially less suffering in total. Oh well, we'll see.
I'm whining, I'm complaining, yet I'm blogging and not studying. I feel saturated.
Examinations are exciting in a way though.
I've been trying to study Math last night, to almost no avail. It was trying to condense a year's work into a night, which was virtually impossible. I advanced, I tried, but I believe it's still not enough. This morning, I was surprised I got up rather early, I'd say around 0730 hrs?
I felt an uncontrollable urge to go berserk in ecstasy, but the fact that chemistry is like in a few hours made the whole mood go sour and sunken. I dread chemistry thinking how I might die later. I'm suffering from wavering confidence. It's like confident, yet insecure. Why am I feeling such alternating confidence? Again, I've only read chemistry. Especially Energetics and Kinetics where I just read through. I've never drawn an energy level diagram correctly in my life but I think I know how. And that is perhaps the cause of wavering confidence. You think you do, but yet sometimes you doubt yourself. Do I really know my stuff? I guess my "Root Mean Square Confidence" is rather large, though.
And then yes, Organic chemistry. Been a long time since I touched anything to do with Organic chemistry. It used to be my favourite part of chemistry, well, at least relatively. There is going to be a Organic Deductive question and sometimes I fear what they can make of it. I don't care if they make it hard, but just don't include Nitrogen Chemistry into the deductive question. If they do, (and introduce it early), let's say I'm so dead. I've read through Nitrogen chemistry several times in my whole life, but I never seem to grasp it properly. Freak, I hate Nitrogen chemistry.
Paper 3 is just roughly several bunches of topics and approximately 5 topics plus the entire organic chemistry, and yet I'm already going berserk. For the fact that the school is already quite kind in telling us what will come out for Paper 3...
And then after being sliced and diced later in chemistry I will face the problem of restoring my broken ego and confidence to prepare for the mathematics guillotine. I believe math is more of torture death rather than an instant-fire one. Because they torture you for 3 hour before you are dismissed (if you're still alive). At least paper 3 later is only half of what math offers and probably exponentially less suffering in total. Oh well, we'll see.
I'm whining, I'm complaining, yet I'm blogging and not studying. I feel saturated.
Examinations are exciting in a way though.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Bleh
Math is extremely nefarious. I hate math.
I don't really know how the heck I'm spending my time now. Chem is tomorrow noon and I spend my morning doing Math. Spell GG for me.
On the way back from church this afternoon I boarded a bus. Yes, a rather crowded 170 bus. As I was about the alight, the bus jerked pretty violently due to the abrupt break before the bus stop. I was standing up, or rather, walking towards the exit. And at that moment, the abrupt shake caused me to be displaced several positions away and accidentally trampled on someone's foot. Yes, that must have hurt. I agree, that was definitely going to be painful to a certain extent. And before I could look, I figured what I stepped on was some feet of some middle aged Malay lady. She glared at me with absolute rage in her eyes. That was okay, acceptable. However,to my chagrin, she shrieked, extremely loudly, as if someone had violated her.
As I alighted I felt totally what the heck. I know this is going to be a meaningless, childish, ball-less whine. But why do people have to exaggerate so much? It was just a step on her feet or whatever, and then she had to "ouch, eeek, ouch " repetitively and grabbing the attention of everyone. In addition, her tone seemed vengeful, full of grudge. I said sorry, that was natural. But it seemed like she was trying to make it sound as if I purposely injured her. This incident, is of no significance to me, but this is so disturbing. Can't people just tolerate a little bit of discomfort (in my opinion, a little trample is not really considered pain), why make a mountain out of a molehill, furthermore when it was merely an accident. The entire bus stared at me for a split second, I felt like a villain for a yoctosecond.
That was pretty random. Oh. I finally know how to do basic summation and mathematical induction. It's up to tonight to level them up for the battle on Thursday.
I'm hungry!
I don't really know how the heck I'm spending my time now. Chem is tomorrow noon and I spend my morning doing Math. Spell GG for me.
On the way back from church this afternoon I boarded a bus. Yes, a rather crowded 170 bus. As I was about the alight, the bus jerked pretty violently due to the abrupt break before the bus stop. I was standing up, or rather, walking towards the exit. And at that moment, the abrupt shake caused me to be displaced several positions away and accidentally trampled on someone's foot. Yes, that must have hurt. I agree, that was definitely going to be painful to a certain extent. And before I could look, I figured what I stepped on was some feet of some middle aged Malay lady. She glared at me with absolute rage in her eyes. That was okay, acceptable. However,to my chagrin, she shrieked, extremely loudly, as if someone had violated her.
As I alighted I felt totally what the heck. I know this is going to be a meaningless, childish, ball-less whine. But why do people have to exaggerate so much? It was just a step on her feet or whatever, and then she had to "ouch, eeek, ouch " repetitively and grabbing the attention of everyone. In addition, her tone seemed vengeful, full of grudge. I said sorry, that was natural. But it seemed like she was trying to make it sound as if I purposely injured her. This incident, is of no significance to me, but this is so disturbing. Can't people just tolerate a little bit of discomfort (in my opinion, a little trample is not really considered pain), why make a mountain out of a molehill, furthermore when it was merely an accident. The entire bus stared at me for a split second, I felt like a villain for a yoctosecond.
That was pretty random. Oh. I finally know how to do basic summation and mathematical induction. It's up to tonight to level them up for the battle on Thursday.
I'm hungry!
Monday, June 23, 2008
Dead
I don't like today.
So this was what happened. I initially thought Physics Paper 3 was on Tuesday and so I thought I had the whole Monday afternoon to study for it. Turns out that fortunately Jlam somehow informed that that there was school on Monday and I found out. Awestruck I was, yeps. I reached home and frantically started to panic and read some physics. So again, I have just been reading physics. I read quite a lot to the extent I was quite impressed with how much I've read. I could remember formulas, definitions and a lot more. Though I never completed the entire syllabus. I left Electric Field, Current, and DC circuits alone.
So last night I started reading again, back from chapter one. I didn't have anytime to do any shit. neither do I have time to ruminate on whatever that is written in the book. I just flipped pages rather swiftly, without caring much about details, aiming just to finish the entire book. I finished somewhere near 0200 hrs this morning. More of, that was where I decided to stop studying because I wanted to rest and be fresh. I decided to forgo DC circuits and Current.
When I went downstairs to sleep. I tried, very hard. Coffee seemed to be sufficiently enough to keep me from sleeping but yet I was too mentally fatigued to absorb anymore information. I was drifting, drifting. Thinking about all sorts of stuff, the past, the future and whatever you have. I tried my best not to randomly bump into any physics formulas in my random haphazard thoughts. Then time crept, and I couldn't fall asleep. Initially I blamed the coffee, then the late night studying which probably made my brain active (yet tire it out), then I blamed myself for reading the date wrongly. Then just when I stopped blaming things.
I realized the crux of the problem. The bane of the problem was that my dad was snoring extremely loudly. My brothers were all snoring at the top of their noses. Yes, but my dad's was a few notches higher in the league of irritation. To the extent that their snores were disparate, and fundamentally sounding very different. My dad's one was the most potent of all. What was freaking irritating was that you could hear constant crescendos. More often than not, it sounded like a chromatic scale played unevenly. Tay Yong and Yang were slight wheezing/snoring but theirs sounded like percussion to the air conditioner grinding noise. It was a bed time orchestra at work and I was a poor kid trying to fall asleep to have enough energy for the next day's paper.
There is certainly zero hyperbole. I was in the state of repletion. A surfeit of noises at midnight is certainly VERY unnecessary. I couldn't sleep. It was almost so bad that as I was about to take umbrage, I decided I was too tired, too fatigued to do so. Thus, I moved out. And even outside the master bed room, the noise was still crystal clear. The rising frequencies of the snore still pierced my ear and prevented me from concentrating on the task at hand-falling asleep.
I moved downstairs to the living room where the snore was more bearable. I fell asleep successfully at around 0530 hrs, which only left me with 1 hour of sleep. Certainly very insufficient for a 2 hour physics paper which I was inadequately prepared for in the first place.
And so, I did the standard emergency procedure when I woke up. Buff myself up with coffee, douse myself with an excess of water (aka, bathe). Pack up lots of sweets and prepare for sugar rush in the examination. I had to do so many things, but eventually I was poised to strike. With much vigor I entered the hall, hoping that I could recall what I have studied, but in the end, it was all a futile attempt.
Well let's say I got slaughtered. Before I could go on on my callow of how naturally bad I am in physics, let's say just I think I have been reading physics in vain. I anticipated it. No matter how much I could remember definitions/formulas as long as I can't use them it's totally ineffective. I realize I was studying physics the geography way. I know a lot of tiny details which are probably so minute and embedded in the tiniest corners of some notes and books, but who cares, they won't ever come out. I know the formulas well enough to do basic questions and slightly moderate questions. But when they merge topics, add their own tiny little seemingly harmless subterfuges, and add more depth, I find myself helpless.
Let's say my entire DC circuit question was blank (well, why did it have to come out!). I could barely do some questions, (which is a consolation I guess). I struggled with the majority of the questions which lead me to thinking that reading physics for me is really suicide. I never confirmed my knowledge, I never once ever reassured myself what I knew was right. I never got a chance to experience how they could twist questions. It's almost as if it's my first time doing such questions. Zero experience, naive and inexperienced, that was how I felt.
I think I actually studied to a certain extent for this paper. But all along it was the wrong way. I knew it, I should have gotten more intimate with the topics. All I did was brush the surface and think I know it all. I lack real practice. And that's the consequence of trying to emulate people who can read physics and score A. Guess I finally have to come to terms that I am not once of those people. I use to think I want to be like that, I don't care. Even if I have to fail countless of times, I will try to find the secret to just read physics and pass with flying colors. I guess after all it's just all innate. It's either, you have it or you don't.
Not to mention that when the holidays begun, I was by default 5 chapters behind on every subject. I only have myself to blame for it. But I don't regret.
I don't know what others feel about the paper, but it seems like a stern warning for me. I have been studying (yes, to whatever extent), but I was never serious. I treated study like something which you can just read and score decent grades. I was never ever serious. To the extent I actually studied for the fun of it. I like reading books and notes for knowledge but I don't like to practice.
Well I just slept just now for about an hour or so. I think I should study for the upcoming papers if not I'll die rather bad. Seeing how things go. I think reading math is even more suicidal than reading physics. Once again, I find myself doing things so last minute.
At least physics is not over. If I do decent for paper 1/2 I can still scrape somewhere. No paper tomorrow! and sadly, I worry for my math. (Like I said, I've only been reading).
Maybe it's time to seriously consider iron fetters on my wandering playful mind. Lest I screw up my A levels. For once, Ty starts to worry.
Random. And I think the class tee looks quite weird, the colour especially. I like "Thank You" imprinted behind.
I'm going to try burn midnight oil again. I feel so nubbish and rubbish. I don't even feel prepared. I don't like being slaughtered because I actually put in some (though negligible) minute effort. I was so proud of my effort-result proportionality, and now I cannot be forced to eat my words. No matter how much time I have left, with much vigor I shall march forward.
Probably the "most deprovement award" for Math this time. U to A, then A to U again. Guess this is what people mean as reversible reaction huh.
So this was what happened. I initially thought Physics Paper 3 was on Tuesday and so I thought I had the whole Monday afternoon to study for it. Turns out that fortunately Jlam somehow informed that that there was school on Monday and I found out. Awestruck I was, yeps. I reached home and frantically started to panic and read some physics. So again, I have just been reading physics. I read quite a lot to the extent I was quite impressed with how much I've read. I could remember formulas, definitions and a lot more. Though I never completed the entire syllabus. I left Electric Field, Current, and DC circuits alone.
So last night I started reading again, back from chapter one. I didn't have anytime to do any shit. neither do I have time to ruminate on whatever that is written in the book. I just flipped pages rather swiftly, without caring much about details, aiming just to finish the entire book. I finished somewhere near 0200 hrs this morning. More of, that was where I decided to stop studying because I wanted to rest and be fresh. I decided to forgo DC circuits and Current.
When I went downstairs to sleep. I tried, very hard. Coffee seemed to be sufficiently enough to keep me from sleeping but yet I was too mentally fatigued to absorb anymore information. I was drifting, drifting. Thinking about all sorts of stuff, the past, the future and whatever you have. I tried my best not to randomly bump into any physics formulas in my random haphazard thoughts. Then time crept, and I couldn't fall asleep. Initially I blamed the coffee, then the late night studying which probably made my brain active (yet tire it out), then I blamed myself for reading the date wrongly. Then just when I stopped blaming things.
I realized the crux of the problem. The bane of the problem was that my dad was snoring extremely loudly. My brothers were all snoring at the top of their noses. Yes, but my dad's was a few notches higher in the league of irritation. To the extent that their snores were disparate, and fundamentally sounding very different. My dad's one was the most potent of all. What was freaking irritating was that you could hear constant crescendos. More often than not, it sounded like a chromatic scale played unevenly. Tay Yong and Yang were slight wheezing/snoring but theirs sounded like percussion to the air conditioner grinding noise. It was a bed time orchestra at work and I was a poor kid trying to fall asleep to have enough energy for the next day's paper.
There is certainly zero hyperbole. I was in the state of repletion. A surfeit of noises at midnight is certainly VERY unnecessary. I couldn't sleep. It was almost so bad that as I was about to take umbrage, I decided I was too tired, too fatigued to do so. Thus, I moved out. And even outside the master bed room, the noise was still crystal clear. The rising frequencies of the snore still pierced my ear and prevented me from concentrating on the task at hand-falling asleep.
I moved downstairs to the living room where the snore was more bearable. I fell asleep successfully at around 0530 hrs, which only left me with 1 hour of sleep. Certainly very insufficient for a 2 hour physics paper which I was inadequately prepared for in the first place.
And so, I did the standard emergency procedure when I woke up. Buff myself up with coffee, douse myself with an excess of water (aka, bathe). Pack up lots of sweets and prepare for sugar rush in the examination. I had to do so many things, but eventually I was poised to strike. With much vigor I entered the hall, hoping that I could recall what I have studied, but in the end, it was all a futile attempt.
Well let's say I got slaughtered. Before I could go on on my callow of how naturally bad I am in physics, let's say just I think I have been reading physics in vain. I anticipated it. No matter how much I could remember definitions/formulas as long as I can't use them it's totally ineffective. I realize I was studying physics the geography way. I know a lot of tiny details which are probably so minute and embedded in the tiniest corners of some notes and books, but who cares, they won't ever come out. I know the formulas well enough to do basic questions and slightly moderate questions. But when they merge topics, add their own tiny little seemingly harmless subterfuges, and add more depth, I find myself helpless.
Let's say my entire DC circuit question was blank (well, why did it have to come out!). I could barely do some questions, (which is a consolation I guess). I struggled with the majority of the questions which lead me to thinking that reading physics for me is really suicide. I never confirmed my knowledge, I never once ever reassured myself what I knew was right. I never got a chance to experience how they could twist questions. It's almost as if it's my first time doing such questions. Zero experience, naive and inexperienced, that was how I felt.
I think I actually studied to a certain extent for this paper. But all along it was the wrong way. I knew it, I should have gotten more intimate with the topics. All I did was brush the surface and think I know it all. I lack real practice. And that's the consequence of trying to emulate people who can read physics and score A. Guess I finally have to come to terms that I am not once of those people. I use to think I want to be like that, I don't care. Even if I have to fail countless of times, I will try to find the secret to just read physics and pass with flying colors. I guess after all it's just all innate. It's either, you have it or you don't.
Not to mention that when the holidays begun, I was by default 5 chapters behind on every subject. I only have myself to blame for it. But I don't regret.
I don't know what others feel about the paper, but it seems like a stern warning for me. I have been studying (yes, to whatever extent), but I was never serious. I treated study like something which you can just read and score decent grades. I was never ever serious. To the extent I actually studied for the fun of it. I like reading books and notes for knowledge but I don't like to practice.
Well I just slept just now for about an hour or so. I think I should study for the upcoming papers if not I'll die rather bad. Seeing how things go. I think reading math is even more suicidal than reading physics. Once again, I find myself doing things so last minute.
At least physics is not over. If I do decent for paper 1/2 I can still scrape somewhere. No paper tomorrow! and sadly, I worry for my math. (Like I said, I've only been reading).
Maybe it's time to seriously consider iron fetters on my wandering playful mind. Lest I screw up my A levels. For once, Ty starts to worry.
Random. And I think the class tee looks quite weird, the colour especially. I like "Thank You" imprinted behind.
I'm going to try burn midnight oil again. I feel so nubbish and rubbish. I don't even feel prepared. I don't like being slaughtered because I actually put in some (though negligible) minute effort. I was so proud of my effort-result proportionality, and now I cannot be forced to eat my words. No matter how much time I have left, with much vigor I shall march forward.
Probably the "most deprovement award" for Math this time. U to A, then A to U again. Guess this is what people mean as reversible reaction huh.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Untimely
This is so wrong. Effectively, holidays end tomorrow. Not only did I not touch my books today, I played night tennis, and now Bryan Eng and Joseph are staying over at my place. Yes, we are going to bed, but this feels, very untimely. Well, I planned to study something today. Went to church to clarify some physics doubts with Qi Heng, some were good, some are still cloudy. But well, I think I'm not going to study significantly any more for physics, at least till the day before the paper.
Well, Night tennis was pretty fun. Been like half a year since I've picked up my racket. Of course, it's a game I play with significantly less pressure than badminton. I once loved to callow about how I cannot have as much control as I have with badminton, I compared and all that relativity made playing tennis sad. As of now, I am a badminton noob, and thus, I have nothing to compare tennis with. Simply speaking, tennis is really leisure for me. Today,20 minutes into our game, I kept missing serves. My service was horrible, and well, totally disturbing and disgusting. And finally until the end, I manage to do half-decent semi-tap "quite" (in my opinion), overhead fast serves. (relativity applies). My strokes were sluggish at the start, we all made a surfeit of mistakes but we mostly regained form at the end. Now I am enthusiastic for more.
I should treasure friends more. After all, maybe in a couple of weeks, I will not see them ever anymore.
Well, Night tennis was pretty fun. Been like half a year since I've picked up my racket. Of course, it's a game I play with significantly less pressure than badminton. I once loved to callow about how I cannot have as much control as I have with badminton, I compared and all that relativity made playing tennis sad. As of now, I am a badminton noob, and thus, I have nothing to compare tennis with. Simply speaking, tennis is really leisure for me. Today,20 minutes into our game, I kept missing serves. My service was horrible, and well, totally disturbing and disgusting. And finally until the end, I manage to do half-decent semi-tap "quite" (in my opinion), overhead fast serves. (relativity applies). My strokes were sluggish at the start, we all made a surfeit of mistakes but we mostly regained form at the end. Now I am enthusiastic for more.
I should treasure friends more. After all, maybe in a couple of weeks, I will not see them ever anymore.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Impaled
I have a rather unglamorous injury.
Today spent much of my day dealing with physics. Studying in church is relatively productive, and CSToh book seems rather useful! I'm still left with several holes here and there which I haven't read. And again, all I've done for physics is read. I haven't even taken a look at the revision package! The future of my math seems bleak. I wonder if I can get close to the likes of an E grade this time. Hopefully. I have this weekend to settle math once and for all at least for paper 1. Statistics can wait till the following week though.
Yf was rather sluggish today. I didn't like preparing for the Youth Sunday but everyone was doing it, so I had to play along. All we had to do was to stand and sing, not very hard right. And then Bryan Lim started acting in a tremulous manner when he saw the mid year examination schedule. He was literally vibrating!!
Anyway, sorry I had to burst Darius's bubble today. He claims his friend runs 5 minute plus in 2.4 Km run because he consumed some "steroids". Running 5 minute plus in 2.4Km in almost inhumanely impossible. I don't know about serious world class athletes but I doubt so. Using common sense, running 5 minute 30 Seconds for 2.4 Kilometers would require an average speed of 7.727272 m/s. And in that case, you cannot start of at this speed, and have to accelerate to reach it. Thus the maximum speed has to be above 8 m/s. The record for 100 metre run is 9.72 . That is almost 10m/s which is not really far from 8 m/s, and that is only for a short instance, a short sprint with all a person's energy. Thus is it impossible to run 2.4Km run, in 5 minutes 30 seconds, especially when you're a normal person. Possibly with or without steroids.
Okay, that's pretty unnecessary.
We played freeze-and-melt again at some park after Yf. This time round, for a shorter time. I injured very badly 3 seconds into the game where I was chasing Bryan Lim who was on the playground. The exit he took was this red slide elevated at around 65 degrees (or slightly less). It was a children's slide, probably about 70-80cm in total width with a partition in the center. (thus, imagine if you can, two sliding planes on one slide). He slide down rather carefully as he properly got onto one lane. I didn't see, (cause of the darkness and haste of the situation), aggressively slide down right down the middle. And then, I got impaled by the partition of the slide. I tried to slide down the partition. Due to self-exerted force and gravitational force (I tried to slide down remember?), my butt got impaled pretty deep. (and yes, deep!). And till now, it is still hurting insanely.
Bad experience, traumatic one too. I hate slides now.
But it was fun. I mean, there were outsiders at the park, two people swinging at the swing watching us play. They were friendly and talking to some of us who got caught near the swing. I hope we weren't making too much noise. I could imagine myself living there and thinking what the heck. We didn't stay till too late, so I hope everything would be fine and we could play there often next time.
Why am I starting to post in simplistic manner.
I'm rather brain dead now. Awww
Today spent much of my day dealing with physics. Studying in church is relatively productive, and CSToh book seems rather useful! I'm still left with several holes here and there which I haven't read. And again, all I've done for physics is read. I haven't even taken a look at the revision package! The future of my math seems bleak. I wonder if I can get close to the likes of an E grade this time. Hopefully. I have this weekend to settle math once and for all at least for paper 1. Statistics can wait till the following week though.
Yf was rather sluggish today. I didn't like preparing for the Youth Sunday but everyone was doing it, so I had to play along. All we had to do was to stand and sing, not very hard right. And then Bryan Lim started acting in a tremulous manner when he saw the mid year examination schedule. He was literally vibrating!!
Anyway, sorry I had to burst Darius's bubble today. He claims his friend runs 5 minute plus in 2.4 Km run because he consumed some "steroids". Running 5 minute plus in 2.4Km in almost inhumanely impossible. I don't know about serious world class athletes but I doubt so. Using common sense, running 5 minute 30 Seconds for 2.4 Kilometers would require an average speed of 7.727272 m/s. And in that case, you cannot start of at this speed, and have to accelerate to reach it. Thus the maximum speed has to be above 8 m/s. The record for 100 metre run is 9.72 . That is almost 10m/s which is not really far from 8 m/s, and that is only for a short instance, a short sprint with all a person's energy. Thus is it impossible to run 2.4Km run, in 5 minutes 30 seconds, especially when you're a normal person. Possibly with or without steroids.
Okay, that's pretty unnecessary.
We played freeze-and-melt again at some park after Yf. This time round, for a shorter time. I injured very badly 3 seconds into the game where I was chasing Bryan Lim who was on the playground. The exit he took was this red slide elevated at around 65 degrees (or slightly less). It was a children's slide, probably about 70-80cm in total width with a partition in the center. (thus, imagine if you can, two sliding planes on one slide). He slide down rather carefully as he properly got onto one lane. I didn't see, (cause of the darkness and haste of the situation), aggressively slide down right down the middle. And then, I got impaled by the partition of the slide. I tried to slide down the partition. Due to self-exerted force and gravitational force (I tried to slide down remember?), my butt got impaled pretty deep. (and yes, deep!). And till now, it is still hurting insanely.
Bad experience, traumatic one too. I hate slides now.
But it was fun. I mean, there were outsiders at the park, two people swinging at the swing watching us play. They were friendly and talking to some of us who got caught near the swing. I hope we weren't making too much noise. I could imagine myself living there and thinking what the heck. We didn't stay till too late, so I hope everything would be fine and we could play there often next time.
Why am I starting to post in simplistic manner.
I'm rather brain dead now. Awww
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Oh wow
I'm blogging again. I must be too free.
I intend to study later. Decided to do Electromagnetism and Electromagnetic induction tonight. That leaves me only a few topics for physics. Yay. Then I'm still going to fail. Because all I've done is read. And reading physics means failing physics which is so not good. I don't think I'll do anywhere close to well this mid years. Seriously.All the time which I defenestrated, don't blame me for it. It's the inevitable effect of my dilatory nature.
And suddenly my tag board grows so alive! Keep the tags coming. My blog suddenly feels rejuvenated. Plot "tag" against "time" and you get a needle. Or not. (I'm not sure!).
Seriously, I was studying measurement (physics). And as I was reading it. I was wondering why things in real life do have strange units. It reminds me of ordering Oyster last night. When you order such food (like chee cheong fan) you don't order in kg (which is SI unit!), or volume (which is virtually impossible to used to measure food which is like so inconsistent in shape), you order them in monetary values. Like $8 of Oyster. Then the units of oysters in this case is money! This is so lame that I feel like smacking myself.
Stupid. I'm blogging again. Whats the freaking problem with me!
I intend to study later. Decided to do Electromagnetism and Electromagnetic induction tonight. That leaves me only a few topics for physics. Yay. Then I'm still going to fail. Because all I've done is read. And reading physics means failing physics which is so not good. I don't think I'll do anywhere close to well this mid years. Seriously.All the time which I defenestrated, don't blame me for it. It's the inevitable effect of my dilatory nature.
And suddenly my tag board grows so alive! Keep the tags coming. My blog suddenly feels rejuvenated. Plot "tag" against "time" and you get a needle. Or not. (I'm not sure!).
Seriously, I was studying measurement (physics). And as I was reading it. I was wondering why things in real life do have strange units. It reminds me of ordering Oyster last night. When you order such food (like chee cheong fan) you don't order in kg (which is SI unit!), or volume (which is virtually impossible to used to measure food which is like so inconsistent in shape), you order them in monetary values. Like $8 of Oyster. Then the units of oysters in this case is money! This is so lame that I feel like smacking myself.
Stupid. I'm blogging again. Whats the freaking problem with me!
Oh no!
I tried studying, so mainly this afternoon I did thermal physics and oscillations. Basically for most of physics I'm done briefly except Forces, Work Energy Power and the whole chunk of electricity. (which is my weakest lot). I think I can make it in time for Tuesday. I have to share the remaining 4 days with mathematics. Squeeze!!
I'm going to start linking people after I post this. Mainly what you are reading is a filler-oh-i-have-this-unexplainable-urge-to-blog-byproduct.
I feel super sleepy that I fell asleep reading physics just now. Man, I think I should go to sleep but seriously I think I would wake up the next day if I did.
I want to play a lot of things right now. I feel like playing touch rugby again!, and yes, tennis, super long never play already! So many many things! I wanna go out, I wanna crap. But there's like officially 1 day of holiday plus one weekend left for everyone!! no!!!!! and yes, the exciting evil examinations.
It's 7 plus, and I want to cut my hair!
I'm going to start linking people after I post this. Mainly what you are reading is a filler-oh-i-have-this-unexplainable-urge-to-blog-byproduct.
I feel super sleepy that I fell asleep reading physics just now. Man, I think I should go to sleep but seriously I think I would wake up the next day if I did.
I want to play a lot of things right now. I feel like playing touch rugby again!, and yes, tennis, super long never play already! So many many things! I wanna go out, I wanna crap. But there's like officially 1 day of holiday plus one weekend left for everyone!! no!!!!! and yes, the exciting evil examinations.
It's 7 plus, and I want to cut my hair!
Without a choice
I'm tired. Ultra tired. Two days in a row I didn't get enough sleep. I wonder why, I woke up in the morning as if I haven't slept a little bit. Physically, rather worn out especially my feet is blistering pretty badly. So be warned, this post will be inevitably long. I wanted to post about yesterday, yesterday but I was too fatigued. Yesterday was this food hunt around Singapore. It was a YF outing, and initially I was totally skeptical about it. But Qi heng's description of it was congent and appealing. Though I decided to already turn up (but it was a decision that was wavering and unstable).
So we were split into three groups, led by their very own unique facilitators. Our group (2) had Terrance and Qi Heng. So basically we traveled to all sorts of places eating all sorts of food. Of course, no in excess, and no gula! The meatballs from ikea, the ice cream from raffles creamery, the Belgium desert, Char Siew rice/noodles, Fish Soup Noodles, Rojak and French fries from botak jones. Don't ask me where they were supposed to be, I don't remember. It sort of bugs me that probably I didn't know where we were at the time we ate them. (which was probably one of the points of the game).
I am maladroit at directions. Even in the country I live in, I am totally lost, blur and confused. Ask me to take an MRT, I can go as far as Choa Chu Kang to Jurong East. And a bus probably at most to bukit timah. Anywhere else is Malaysia to me. (or maybe Narnia). And thus food hunt was a step out of comfort zone for me, stepping into "uncharted territories". I was surprised I've seen some places before, and some places were vaguely familiar just because I got lost before at that location in the past.
I was totally useless in the food hunt. In addition, I was supposed to be adept at brain teasers, but I was totally crushed by them. I couldn't solve them for some reason. My whatever whatever pride and my whatever whatever dignity was totally crushed, I was demoralized and feeling a self inflicted cold wave of siansation. I wanted intellectual games, yet when they finally leave me a fragment of what I wanted, I find myself totally inexperienced.
It was a valuable learning experience. We learn to cope with all sorts of difficulties, irritation and public humiliation as we move along. I tried my best to tolerate, but realized my threshold is rather pathetic. Inside, I mocked in my heart, I was wondering why they didn't balance the groups. Upon closer introspection, I realized how much I contributed is probably equivalent to how much they contributed. Other groups were totally efficient, totally steadfast, power-packed, packed with brains, and our groups was much a lesser one, bluntly speaking.
We reached home second. But our photogenic contest and brain teasers were a far cry from the rest. It was a good attempt though. The spirit of competitiveness actually does keep things fun. After all, we had a good time of fun. (and loads of embarrassing moments as well!)
I wouldn't elaborate on how our group was nastily unbalanced. But I'm sure those who went on that day would understand. I tried, but it was not good enough, I must try harder.
The event ended approximately near1900Hrs and a few of us head of to a nearby playground to play freeze and melt. It was a well anticipated "closure" of the day but we overlooked the fact that most of us were too fatigued to play. To make matters worst, the playground was actually much larger than the previous location we played at. Me, my brother and Darius as catchers (the last game of the day), more people, more space, and more fatigue. It was no mystery why we all seemed unenthusiastic. I was seriously tired, and the floor actually contributed to a lot of my injuries. I slipped badly countless times, and 3 was quite harsh ones. They had this spider web like for kids to climb and under it was a legit playable area. It was almost totally impossible to catch someone while running with your head at your gut level. I slipped many times when I tried to do that. Worst, the perimeter of the playable region was curved, running at curved angles will probably accelerate one unnecessarily (yes you go faster and result in slips easily) because of centripetal force (or acceleration). [Forgive me if I'm wrong, I'm bound to fail physics].
I am probably feeling totally inert and tired now. Played Touch Rugby with almost the same gang again this morning. It was less mud, less dirty, and more fun. The sun was insanely scorching though. But I prefer sun to mud. Mud gets you dirty, but sun gets you smelly, so they're actually roughly the same. I think I'm improving in my spatial awareness, I finally get a little picture of how it is actually played. Sorry if I was being blur, sometimes I can be spacing out in a critical moment, I wonder why. I'm not fast either, unlike Nicholas the transparent shirt speed demon, neither am I the tactician like Terrance or the rugby player Bryan lim who uses subterfuges as his bread and butter. My brother can at least spin, Ronald Macdonald can use his McSpicy double super chiong. And I can stone, watch the trees and people pass me and score a try. :(
Actually if I see it as Dota, it sounds a lot simpler. You either push or you defend. Right?
Really envy people who are freed from the shackles of academics. Teng jin and B-eng can go whack yellow balls the entire day. some people can go out and have fun, some people can glue their faces to their psp. Majority of the people are slacking since the holidays are coming to an end. Worst come to worst, they will be sluggishly trying to complete their holiday assignments (but seriously, doing them now, ain't it too early, I was do holiday homework on he first day of school). And here I am, chattering away. I have 12 minutes more before I have to study something. Physics paper 3 is next Tuesday. Doom's day!
JC people unite, come. callow with me!
//end casual
This time, I want to properly disappear.
So we were split into three groups, led by their very own unique facilitators. Our group (2) had Terrance and Qi Heng. So basically we traveled to all sorts of places eating all sorts of food. Of course, no in excess, and no gula! The meatballs from ikea, the ice cream from raffles creamery, the Belgium desert, Char Siew rice/noodles, Fish Soup Noodles, Rojak and French fries from botak jones. Don't ask me where they were supposed to be, I don't remember. It sort of bugs me that probably I didn't know where we were at the time we ate them. (which was probably one of the points of the game).
I am maladroit at directions. Even in the country I live in, I am totally lost, blur and confused. Ask me to take an MRT, I can go as far as Choa Chu Kang to Jurong East. And a bus probably at most to bukit timah. Anywhere else is Malaysia to me. (or maybe Narnia). And thus food hunt was a step out of comfort zone for me, stepping into "uncharted territories". I was surprised I've seen some places before, and some places were vaguely familiar just because I got lost before at that location in the past.
I was totally useless in the food hunt. In addition, I was supposed to be adept at brain teasers, but I was totally crushed by them. I couldn't solve them for some reason. My whatever whatever pride and my whatever whatever dignity was totally crushed, I was demoralized and feeling a self inflicted cold wave of siansation. I wanted intellectual games, yet when they finally leave me a fragment of what I wanted, I find myself totally inexperienced.
It was a valuable learning experience. We learn to cope with all sorts of difficulties, irritation and public humiliation as we move along. I tried my best to tolerate, but realized my threshold is rather pathetic. Inside, I mocked in my heart, I was wondering why they didn't balance the groups. Upon closer introspection, I realized how much I contributed is probably equivalent to how much they contributed. Other groups were totally efficient, totally steadfast, power-packed, packed with brains, and our groups was much a lesser one, bluntly speaking.
We reached home second. But our photogenic contest and brain teasers were a far cry from the rest. It was a good attempt though. The spirit of competitiveness actually does keep things fun. After all, we had a good time of fun. (and loads of embarrassing moments as well!)
I wouldn't elaborate on how our group was nastily unbalanced. But I'm sure those who went on that day would understand. I tried, but it was not good enough, I must try harder.
The event ended approximately near1900Hrs and a few of us head of to a nearby playground to play freeze and melt. It was a well anticipated "closure" of the day but we overlooked the fact that most of us were too fatigued to play. To make matters worst, the playground was actually much larger than the previous location we played at. Me, my brother and Darius as catchers (the last game of the day), more people, more space, and more fatigue. It was no mystery why we all seemed unenthusiastic. I was seriously tired, and the floor actually contributed to a lot of my injuries. I slipped badly countless times, and 3 was quite harsh ones. They had this spider web like for kids to climb and under it was a legit playable area. It was almost totally impossible to catch someone while running with your head at your gut level. I slipped many times when I tried to do that. Worst, the perimeter of the playable region was curved, running at curved angles will probably accelerate one unnecessarily (yes you go faster and result in slips easily) because of centripetal force (or acceleration). [Forgive me if I'm wrong, I'm bound to fail physics].
I am probably feeling totally inert and tired now. Played Touch Rugby with almost the same gang again this morning. It was less mud, less dirty, and more fun. The sun was insanely scorching though. But I prefer sun to mud. Mud gets you dirty, but sun gets you smelly, so they're actually roughly the same. I think I'm improving in my spatial awareness, I finally get a little picture of how it is actually played. Sorry if I was being blur, sometimes I can be spacing out in a critical moment, I wonder why. I'm not fast either, unlike Nicholas the transparent shirt speed demon, neither am I the tactician like Terrance or the rugby player Bryan lim who uses subterfuges as his bread and butter. My brother can at least spin, Ronald Macdonald can use his McSpicy double super chiong. And I can stone, watch the trees and people pass me and score a try. :(
Actually if I see it as Dota, it sounds a lot simpler. You either push or you defend. Right?
Really envy people who are freed from the shackles of academics. Teng jin and B-eng can go whack yellow balls the entire day. some people can go out and have fun, some people can glue their faces to their psp. Majority of the people are slacking since the holidays are coming to an end. Worst come to worst, they will be sluggishly trying to complete their holiday assignments (but seriously, doing them now, ain't it too early, I was do holiday homework on he first day of school). And here I am, chattering away. I have 12 minutes more before I have to study something. Physics paper 3 is next Tuesday. Doom's day!
JC people unite, come. callow with me!
//end casual
This time, I want to properly disappear.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Narnia
So I watched Narnia last night. I could vaguely recall fragments from the past film but anymore than that was a futile attempt. How long has it been, since then? I'm not even sure. Memory doesn't persevere for such information.
This morning as I woke up, my brother asked how was the show last night. On impulse, I said, " very unrealistic ". Then he rebuked with a "Which show is realistic you tell me?". I was being stupid, I watched Narnia, expecting a realistic plot.
It still amazes me how the young little girl archer can stand in the middle of a heated battleground filled with trolls, warriors, centaurs and all variations of crossfires and stay alive. (not to mention, almost unharmed). While warriors clad in seemingly thick and responsible armor could not seem to outfight this little girl with bow and arrow. And then I manage to catch a scene of an archer going into close combat with a warrior and defeating him.(she slammed him) This is so logic-defying.
When "just another person" falls off a building, he dies. When a main character falls off a building, he gets save by his flying companion.
It's always the extras that die, the main characters are rarely injured, let alone let to die. Is this the legendary "protagonist power"? Well, this is so evident in many films, many plots that it gets old. It's too cliche. But still, who wants the main character to "pangseh" his audience in the middle of the film to the underworld.
I don't really remember much of the first film. So obviously I was wondering how those four "kings" from the real world manage to become kings in the first place. Do they have special abilities? No, none of them could summon treants or water elementals. They seemed just like normal people. Yet, they were leading the Narnians in war. I wonder.
Azland seemed really overpowered, though. Overgrowth, and Water elementals, and also a Roar of massive destructive sound waves. I was thinking they could at least let some other characters have some special ability, uh. But upon second thought, I realize that would transform Narnia into some sort of Final fantasy, which removes it's uniqueness.
I really thought the addition of the extra romance element (which was so no link!) of the prince and the older human girl protagonist was quite unnecessary. Romance that isn't developed properly in a film, or even expanded on, (in other words, spontaneous, unexplained ones) can be really cheesy. I think Narnia is a fantasy film, an action film (or flick), so let's leave the romance for the other movies shall we?
All in all, it was a decent film. But I wasn't really expecting too much. I prefer more slice-of-life films, which are realistic in a way. I'm probably not cut out for fantasy films, especially when they don't explain much.
This morning as I woke up, my brother asked how was the show last night. On impulse, I said, " very unrealistic ". Then he rebuked with a "Which show is realistic you tell me?". I was being stupid, I watched Narnia, expecting a realistic plot.
It still amazes me how the young little girl archer can stand in the middle of a heated battleground filled with trolls, warriors, centaurs and all variations of crossfires and stay alive. (not to mention, almost unharmed). While warriors clad in seemingly thick and responsible armor could not seem to outfight this little girl with bow and arrow. And then I manage to catch a scene of an archer going into close combat with a warrior and defeating him.(she slammed him) This is so logic-defying.
When "just another person" falls off a building, he dies. When a main character falls off a building, he gets save by his flying companion.
It's always the extras that die, the main characters are rarely injured, let alone let to die. Is this the legendary "protagonist power"? Well, this is so evident in many films, many plots that it gets old. It's too cliche. But still, who wants the main character to "pangseh" his audience in the middle of the film to the underworld.
I don't really remember much of the first film. So obviously I was wondering how those four "kings" from the real world manage to become kings in the first place. Do they have special abilities? No, none of them could summon treants or water elementals. They seemed just like normal people. Yet, they were leading the Narnians in war. I wonder.
Azland seemed really overpowered, though. Overgrowth, and Water elementals, and also a Roar of massive destructive sound waves. I was thinking they could at least let some other characters have some special ability, uh. But upon second thought, I realize that would transform Narnia into some sort of Final fantasy, which removes it's uniqueness.
I really thought the addition of the extra romance element (which was so no link!) of the prince and the older human girl protagonist was quite unnecessary. Romance that isn't developed properly in a film, or even expanded on, (in other words, spontaneous, unexplained ones) can be really cheesy. I think Narnia is a fantasy film, an action film (or flick), so let's leave the romance for the other movies shall we?
All in all, it was a decent film. But I wasn't really expecting too much. I prefer more slice-of-life films, which are realistic in a way. I'm probably not cut out for fantasy films, especially when they don't explain much.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Casual recording
Did a casual recording. Recorded with my dad's canon digital cam, which explains the poor sound quality. I made some mistakes, some places are uneven, tempo uneven at some places. I only learn the last page last week and thus, some errors due to unfamiliarity . It was played at around 160BPM (slightly more).
Planning to do another one with better quality, as well as hopefully an improvement in playing by next week.
This is only my beta recording. So, please don't be too harsh.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
I'm posting too much!
1. What’s the definition of good friend means to you?
*checks formula*. On a more serious note, someone you like to be with and can be trusted.
Doesn't have major personality disorders/flaws.
2. Who is more important to you? Friends or boyfriend?
Please make quizzes unisex. Dumbo!
3. Who is the person you trust most?
Myself.
4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
More than enough
5. Who is your idol?
Nah, none,
6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
Isn't that scientifically proven?
7. What is your goal for this year?
I don't play soccer.
8. Do you believe in eternity love?
If you mean eternal, maybe.
9. Have you broken someone’s heart that she/he tried to commit suicide?
Nope. never will.
10. What feeling do you love most?
Success
11. What are the requirements you wish from the other half?
Not much.
12. What was the weirdest moment/thing you've ever had?
I deleted that from my memories.
13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
Actually, not really
14. Between money and love. Which one?
Actually, money.
15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Not obliged to answer. Such things fluctuate and indefinite answers doesn't exist.
16. Do you love anime?
I like them, I watch them, but I don't have feelings for them.
17. Describe the person who tagged you in 5 words.
I did this on my own accord.
18. What have you done to please yourself?
This question sounds seriously wrong.
19. IF you had one wish right now, what would you wish for to come true?
The model answer would be for an infinite supply of wishes.
20. What do you want most for your birthday?
It's over, I got nothing.
Instruction: Remove one question from above and add in your personal question. Make a total of 20 questions and tag 8 people. List them out at the end of the post. Notify them in their cbox that they've been tagged.
If you want to do, just do. Don't want to do, then don't do. No one tagged me in the first place anyway.
Seriously. I didn't study much today in the end. I did differential equations and electric field (half of it). I think I will be reading my way through many chapters this time. I'm too lazy to get a pen to write and it's too time consuming.
I'm actually admiring my new blogskin!
*checks formula*. On a more serious note, someone you like to be with and can be trusted.
Doesn't have major personality disorders/flaws.
2. Who is more important to you? Friends or boyfriend?
Please make quizzes unisex. Dumbo!
3. Who is the person you trust most?
Myself.
4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
More than enough
5. Who is your idol?
Nah, none,
6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
Isn't that scientifically proven?
7. What is your goal for this year?
I don't play soccer.
8. Do you believe in eternity love?
If you mean eternal, maybe.
9. Have you broken someone’s heart that she/he tried to commit suicide?
Nope. never will.
10. What feeling do you love most?
Success
11. What are the requirements you wish from the other half?
Not much.
12. What was the weirdest moment/thing you've ever had?
I deleted that from my memories.
13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
Actually, not really
14. Between money and love. Which one?
Actually, money.
15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Not obliged to answer. Such things fluctuate and indefinite answers doesn't exist.
16. Do you love anime?
I like them, I watch them, but I don't have feelings for them.
17. Describe the person who tagged you in 5 words.
I did this on my own accord.
18. What have you done to please yourself?
This question sounds seriously wrong.
19. IF you had one wish right now, what would you wish for to come true?
The model answer would be for an infinite supply of wishes.
20. What do you want most for your birthday?
It's over, I got nothing.
Instruction: Remove one question from above and add in your personal question. Make a total of 20 questions and tag 8 people. List them out at the end of the post. Notify them in their cbox that they've been tagged.
If you want to do, just do. Don't want to do, then don't do. No one tagged me in the first place anyway.
Seriously. I didn't study much today in the end. I did differential equations and electric field (half of it). I think I will be reading my way through many chapters this time. I'm too lazy to get a pen to write and it's too time consuming.
I'm actually admiring my new blogskin!
Nightmare
I wasted my entire day! It's 1800 hrs and nothing done! I've just been debugging some issues on this new layout, and then finally I found it and now it works okay on internet explorer. Was chatting with Jacob and he was very anti-IE, I wonder why. He says it exposes one to malicious virus and stuff. I'm not sure how true is that but all I know that virus attacks have been less rampant since I've converted to firefox. Burn! Viruses! Burn! Feel the wrath of the "fire"fox! though I still use IE as a form of reminiscence (oh what the crap!?).
Oh yes the reason why I'm blogging again because I wanted to blog about a dream I had last night. It qualifies to be in the top ten of worst dreams (translates into nightmares) I've ever had. Making matters worst, the dream was too vivid that it felt like it was real. Man, I struggled to break free, I was semi conscious, yet it's vice was too strong. Trust me, I believe a majority would have experienced the feeling of wanting to wake up, but you can't, especially when you're trapped in a terrible nightmare.
Here it goes. I wouldn't mention the names of the characters in this so called dream. I remember initially we were walking around a big mansion, up some spiral stairs. The place seemed rather modern, if I recall, it was some mansion and somebody was living in the mansion. Me and a couple of friends and my brother were moving up the spiral red stairs to visit that particular person.
Then abruptly the scene changes after one of the friends told me that a bomb will detonate at my writing desk at 5:13PM sharp. (Yes I remember the time). So the setting now is in my house. Me and my brother was instructed to go up get our belongings and quickly evacuate. So I was deciding what to take, and strangely I was deciding what to wear. then the clock ticked. At first, I wasn't really believing what my friend had told me so I took my time but I knew I had to leave by 5:13.
Then in that world, that freaking world, the time just spun out of control. It suddenly became 5:13Pm sharp and my whole desk detonated. I quickly leaped out of my room, but it was quite a futile attempt. In my dream, I could almost feel the sensation of pain. Right now I cannot imagine how it felt like, but I know it seemed painful. My arm was bleeding like anything and I was giddy from the explosion. I saw my brother dash out from the other room, he was in the same situation. Blood-stained and weak. Then we grabbed each other for support and staggered down the stairs.
As we were walking down, something triggered a land mine and it exploded ON us. I fell down to the 2nd level and so did my brother. And the scariest part is I realized I lost one arm. (that was really a freaky experience. I don't know how to accurately describe it but you just feel like crying, the crying from the pain and the emotional lost of one arm (trust me, an arm is precious). My brother lost his leg. Then I could saw my parents on the ground floor, they were crying, and weeping. My two other brothers were weeping too if I could recall. They seemed helpless. I With some helped, me and my brother tried our best to proceed. Then another explosion triggered. Now I lost a leg.
So the whole thing dragged on. I did feel how it felt like to be left with only one limb (one leg), losing 2 arms and 1 leg is no joke. I forgot what happened to my brother. I saw myself in the mirror as I leaned on my father at the end of the dream, man, I even saw myself without arms and legs. I cried. And even in my dream, why did I feel intense sadness. Everyone was crying, very madly.
It's no joke. It can be psychologically terrifying. I woke up in cold sweat. I was shivering in fear, I was scared. I was really really scared. And in fragments of my dream I remember I saw some "evil creatures" stuff lurking around as everything was happening.
I woke up at around 0500 hrs in the morning. I told my dad what happened. He told me to calm down and go back to sleep. I was like " how am I ever going to fall asleep again". I remember when I used to be young, I was terrified of sleeping because it can be quite a frightful experience. It's such a mystery how your brain betrays you. How it churns out scenes that knows you will be most disturbed, most afraid of.
I'm going to take a bath now. It's a hot afternoon, then start studying some physics. Remember, it's my electric physics day and I have to get some studying down. Made some changes to the layout!
Oh yes the reason why I'm blogging again because I wanted to blog about a dream I had last night. It qualifies to be in the top ten of worst dreams (translates into nightmares) I've ever had. Making matters worst, the dream was too vivid that it felt like it was real. Man, I struggled to break free, I was semi conscious, yet it's vice was too strong. Trust me, I believe a majority would have experienced the feeling of wanting to wake up, but you can't, especially when you're trapped in a terrible nightmare.
Here it goes. I wouldn't mention the names of the characters in this so called dream. I remember initially we were walking around a big mansion, up some spiral stairs. The place seemed rather modern, if I recall, it was some mansion and somebody was living in the mansion. Me and a couple of friends and my brother were moving up the spiral red stairs to visit that particular person.
Then abruptly the scene changes after one of the friends told me that a bomb will detonate at my writing desk at 5:13PM sharp. (Yes I remember the time). So the setting now is in my house. Me and my brother was instructed to go up get our belongings and quickly evacuate. So I was deciding what to take, and strangely I was deciding what to wear. then the clock ticked. At first, I wasn't really believing what my friend had told me so I took my time but I knew I had to leave by 5:13.
Then in that world, that freaking world, the time just spun out of control. It suddenly became 5:13Pm sharp and my whole desk detonated. I quickly leaped out of my room, but it was quite a futile attempt. In my dream, I could almost feel the sensation of pain. Right now I cannot imagine how it felt like, but I know it seemed painful. My arm was bleeding like anything and I was giddy from the explosion. I saw my brother dash out from the other room, he was in the same situation. Blood-stained and weak. Then we grabbed each other for support and staggered down the stairs.
As we were walking down, something triggered a land mine and it exploded ON us. I fell down to the 2nd level and so did my brother. And the scariest part is I realized I lost one arm. (that was really a freaky experience. I don't know how to accurately describe it but you just feel like crying, the crying from the pain and the emotional lost of one arm (trust me, an arm is precious). My brother lost his leg. Then I could saw my parents on the ground floor, they were crying, and weeping. My two other brothers were weeping too if I could recall. They seemed helpless. I With some helped, me and my brother tried our best to proceed. Then another explosion triggered. Now I lost a leg.
So the whole thing dragged on. I did feel how it felt like to be left with only one limb (one leg), losing 2 arms and 1 leg is no joke. I forgot what happened to my brother. I saw myself in the mirror as I leaned on my father at the end of the dream, man, I even saw myself without arms and legs. I cried. And even in my dream, why did I feel intense sadness. Everyone was crying, very madly.
It's no joke. It can be psychologically terrifying. I woke up in cold sweat. I was shivering in fear, I was scared. I was really really scared. And in fragments of my dream I remember I saw some "evil creatures" stuff lurking around as everything was happening.
I woke up at around 0500 hrs in the morning. I told my dad what happened. He told me to calm down and go back to sleep. I was like " how am I ever going to fall asleep again". I remember when I used to be young, I was terrified of sleeping because it can be quite a frightful experience. It's such a mystery how your brain betrays you. How it churns out scenes that knows you will be most disturbed, most afraid of.
I'm going to take a bath now. It's a hot afternoon, then start studying some physics. Remember, it's my electric physics day and I have to get some studying down. Made some changes to the layout!
Uh oh
I feel very lame, after creating this layout.
Basically this layout seems a little different mainly because I went to do some referencing on some more experienced/professional coder's layouts. I'm ashamed to say that the skeleton is the same, just that I created my own graphics and added my own stuff and tweaked the code. More or less, I realized the way I have been doing all along is extremely disorganized. In such things, troubleshooting is the ultimate time-waster, I don't have so much time. This skin looks different on IE, a lot worst. Bear with it, I can't please everyone!.
I haven't studied at all today. (it's hitting 1600 hrs). Apparently today is my Electric Physics day and I cannot find any notes (despite them being the recent chapters!!). My mum went out so she's sorta getting the study guide for me (the one everyone seems to be using), so I can finally read some physics. Sadly, it is said that if you read physics you are bound to fail. Yes, I know, but at such a time, the only thing I can do is read. Do you think I have the luxury of time to do anything? I still have to sleep, eat, slack, play!
Basically this layout seems a little different mainly because I went to do some referencing on some more experienced/professional coder's layouts. I'm ashamed to say that the skeleton is the same, just that I created my own graphics and added my own stuff and tweaked the code. More or less, I realized the way I have been doing all along is extremely disorganized. In such things, troubleshooting is the ultimate time-waster, I don't have so much time. This skin looks different on IE, a lot worst. Bear with it, I can't please everyone!.
I haven't studied at all today. (it's hitting 1600 hrs). Apparently today is my Electric Physics day and I cannot find any notes (despite them being the recent chapters!!). My mum went out so she's sorta getting the study guide for me (the one everyone seems to be using), so I can finally read some physics. Sadly, it is said that if you read physics you are bound to fail. Yes, I know, but at such a time, the only thing I can do is read. Do you think I have the luxury of time to do anything? I still have to sleep, eat, slack, play!
Friday, June 13, 2008
Some fun after a while
Today, another long day. I promised myself to wake up early, but I didn't. Aww, and I woke up because Tay Yong was singing his "numberjacks" song so loudly then I couldn't stand it anymore. Aww. So I woke up. Slacked around the entire morning and before Yf I went down to church to study. So I managed to read some chemistry. Yes I did nitrogen chemistry as well as periodicity and half of group 7. Which is a big bulk of what is tested in Paper 3. Still not much physics or math covered. Tomorrow many many people are going to have fun at sentosa, so now I have a choice, 20 marks in a subject of my choice, or sentosa. I'm in a very holidayeesque mood right now, and temptation is sure powerful.
Resist, TY, resist.
Anyway, a couple of us played Freeze and Melt in church after YF till around 2300 hrs. It was the excitement I was craving for, of course, it was very tiring as me and my bro were the catchers. Some lame people were hiding in corners and inside small cottages (at the playground) which enabled them to be stationary "healing" (unfreezing) stations. No wonder the people who we thought we caught could be mobile again so suddenly. It was fun, sheer fun. (and cold).
Now I'm looking forward to next Friday.
I was slow, yes. Pork cutlet Spaghetti swimming in my stomach made all my perspiration like grease. Been a long time since I did official exercise. I should really regain my leg strength, and my stamina. The once 9 minute 2.4 is now a slow poke.
Hide and seek was also moderately fun but the places were all used before and it became more of a routine. Not bad too but I think in future it could be used as a warm up before the full fledged freeze and melt. Command and Conquer in the sanctuary seems really exciting!
I have to study tomorrow. Hopefully at home. Studying is more fun than I imagined. It can be fun actually. Wait, I know that all along. It's just that other stuff are more fun.
I've decided.I'm going for food hunt on Wednesday. It might cost me several grades on physics but I realized I've been playing too little this holidays. This holidays doesn't even qualify as a holiday. I progressed so little on my etudes, I barely studied. I spent most of my time doing nothing and wasting time (watching drama etc). I feel like a failure tactician of time.
I tried predicting my grades for mid years and now the thought is so repelling. It scares me.
I have one week for a big chunk of math and the entire physics. Not much time considering I have been sleeping my school time away. AWWWW
Resist, TY, resist.
Anyway, a couple of us played Freeze and Melt in church after YF till around 2300 hrs. It was the excitement I was craving for, of course, it was very tiring as me and my bro were the catchers. Some lame people were hiding in corners and inside small cottages (at the playground) which enabled them to be stationary "healing" (unfreezing) stations. No wonder the people who we thought we caught could be mobile again so suddenly. It was fun, sheer fun. (and cold).
Now I'm looking forward to next Friday.
I was slow, yes. Pork cutlet Spaghetti swimming in my stomach made all my perspiration like grease. Been a long time since I did official exercise. I should really regain my leg strength, and my stamina. The once 9 minute 2.4 is now a slow poke.
Hide and seek was also moderately fun but the places were all used before and it became more of a routine. Not bad too but I think in future it could be used as a warm up before the full fledged freeze and melt. Command and Conquer in the sanctuary seems really exciting!
I have to study tomorrow. Hopefully at home. Studying is more fun than I imagined. It can be fun actually. Wait, I know that all along. It's just that other stuff are more fun.
I've decided.I'm going for food hunt on Wednesday. It might cost me several grades on physics but I realized I've been playing too little this holidays. This holidays doesn't even qualify as a holiday. I progressed so little on my etudes, I barely studied. I spent most of my time doing nothing and wasting time (watching drama etc). I feel like a failure tactician of time.
I tried predicting my grades for mid years and now the thought is so repelling. It scares me.
I have one week for a big chunk of math and the entire physics. Not much time considering I have been sleeping my school time away. AWWWW
Thursday, June 12, 2008
My engine is not working
So I stayed at home today. It was supposed to be a studying day. Keyword is supposed, I suppose.
I spent my entire day, watching drama. Watched an old J drama-"Engine", it's about racing, (ya know, the F1 kind), but it's more of a family, teenage problem-based storyline about an orphanage and people in it. Really touching story, (very dramaeesque), and it really kept me almost at the verge of crying (almost, but didn't). Really comforting, at times, heartwarming, at times, filled with sadness. Certain very good climax points of this series. I really recommend this whether you have time or not.
11 episodes in almost a day. I'm always the extremist huh. Moderation never comes to place when I need it. I studied nuts today. My chemistry week was going fine until, kaboom one day of my week just vanished just like this. But I don't regret it.
I wouldn't say it's a must watch, again it's not a series for everybody. It's not romance (which is everyone's favourite genre perhaps?).
ANYWAY, I'm starting to envy people who are having the most carefree time of their lives. I mean, people who are seriously holidayeesque at this point of time. I mean, I can do the same. Watch drama, absorb their world, but at this one corner of my heart something is bugging me. What's that? Guilt? Conscience. Damn, academics. Seriously.
There's this sentosa outing this Saturday. I can go, at the expense of getting 20 marks lower in any subject of my choice. Well, it's a really stupid trade because I don't really enjoy the sandcastles and the nicely polluted sea. I don't really enjoy whatever ultimateesque games that people are going to play. but the fact that you have to shallow your pride, and lower your whatever "sensation of having freedom" (or would I say feeling "libertyeesque"), and say, no, I won't go.
What's this. Then there's another food hunt on Wednesday. The official YF outing. I may go, but that depends if I can get a heart beat from my ever dead Math and Physics. Seriously, you don't want to know how much I know about these subjects. It will scare you.
If only I prepared early. If only I did not sleep through school. Am I starting to feel remorse. No way! Without last minute pressure, nothing goes in. I am not one to crumble to pressure. Either way, it's not use thinking about such negativities right now.
Life has been bland. Wake up, piano, read notes, repeat and rinse. Just when I get into something to break the humdrum nature of life (drama!), then I have to finish it all in one gulp leaving myself with nothing. Don't tell me to start another one. If I really did, I would have to say sayonara to a subject of my choice.
The future looks bleak. The mid years look bleak. My studying rate is pathetic. My results may resemble youtube. (get the pun?). I feel the lack of emotional drama, the lack of comedy, the lack of what people usually refer to as "excitement".
Exams are exciting in a way too, actually.
TY Waves good bye at mid years.
I spent my entire day, watching drama. Watched an old J drama-"Engine", it's about racing, (ya know, the F1 kind), but it's more of a family, teenage problem-based storyline about an orphanage and people in it. Really touching story, (very dramaeesque), and it really kept me almost at the verge of crying (almost, but didn't). Really comforting, at times, heartwarming, at times, filled with sadness. Certain very good climax points of this series. I really recommend this whether you have time or not.
11 episodes in almost a day. I'm always the extremist huh. Moderation never comes to place when I need it. I studied nuts today. My chemistry week was going fine until, kaboom one day of my week just vanished just like this. But I don't regret it.
I wouldn't say it's a must watch, again it's not a series for everybody. It's not romance (which is everyone's favourite genre perhaps?).
ANYWAY, I'm starting to envy people who are having the most carefree time of their lives. I mean, people who are seriously holidayeesque at this point of time. I mean, I can do the same. Watch drama, absorb their world, but at this one corner of my heart something is bugging me. What's that? Guilt? Conscience. Damn, academics. Seriously.
There's this sentosa outing this Saturday. I can go, at the expense of getting 20 marks lower in any subject of my choice. Well, it's a really stupid trade because I don't really enjoy the sandcastles and the nicely polluted sea. I don't really enjoy whatever ultimateesque games that people are going to play. but the fact that you have to shallow your pride, and lower your whatever "sensation of having freedom" (or would I say feeling "libertyeesque"), and say, no, I won't go.
What's this. Then there's another food hunt on Wednesday. The official YF outing. I may go, but that depends if I can get a heart beat from my ever dead Math and Physics. Seriously, you don't want to know how much I know about these subjects. It will scare you.
If only I prepared early. If only I did not sleep through school. Am I starting to feel remorse. No way! Without last minute pressure, nothing goes in. I am not one to crumble to pressure. Either way, it's not use thinking about such negativities right now.
Life has been bland. Wake up, piano, read notes, repeat and rinse. Just when I get into something to break the humdrum nature of life (drama!), then I have to finish it all in one gulp leaving myself with nothing. Don't tell me to start another one. If I really did, I would have to say sayonara to a subject of my choice.
The future looks bleak. The mid years look bleak. My studying rate is pathetic. My results may resemble youtube. (get the pun?). I feel the lack of emotional drama, the lack of comedy, the lack of what people usually refer to as "excitement".
Exams are exciting in a way too, actually.
TY Waves good bye at mid years.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Eh
I think today is one fun day, I think.
A wet morning, but I was playing touch rugby organized by church peeps. It was moderately fun and it's been a while since I've done formal exercise (dumbbells and push ups don't really count?). Though I'm practically a total noob when it comes to games which involves a field and many people. I have poor spatial awareness. In such a game, I cannot see my teammates, can't feel them. They don't trust me with the ball too (mainly because I think I do have below average "hand-ball-coordination"), and I hesitate in asking for the ball. So inevitably, I get left out most of the time. Furthermore, I am extremely inert to tactics and strategies. In such a game which involves rather complex team movements, I feel lost, totally lost. Though I get the gist of it, the whole thing cannot simulate in my head. And when I try to think, there's not enough time. I don't feel it instinctive enough and that's probably how I know it as not my cup of tea.
But it was still fun. The field was muddy and damp. (damn!), and I got pretty badly soaked till waist level with mud. My white shoe is literally black now, and dirt engulfs it. Sad case, I had to take bus home with muddy shoes dirty feet and dirty everywhere. Not very nice. I did have fun though I think it will be quite sometime before I get to play touch rugby again. To think I was actually in rugby cca during my lower secondary years, but I was the blue moon attendance boy, so can't be help. I'm just inherently noob. Can't blame anyone for that.
I've studied quite some chemistry today. I'm totally behind my schedule (if there is even one). I find myself completing electro chemistry and equilibra in 2 days (from zero knowledge). Chemistry is the least of my worries now, what bugs me is physics. And so often on this blog would you find my callow on how naturally bad I am in physics. Let's just boycott the midyears. And looks like I will be the first and last member (to die as well).
I'm going to sleep early tonight, hopefully. I'm tired.
This holiday really isn't really much of a holiday. It still beats school hands down but I want my holidayeesque lifestyle!
A wet morning, but I was playing touch rugby organized by church peeps. It was moderately fun and it's been a while since I've done formal exercise (dumbbells and push ups don't really count?). Though I'm practically a total noob when it comes to games which involves a field and many people. I have poor spatial awareness. In such a game, I cannot see my teammates, can't feel them. They don't trust me with the ball too (mainly because I think I do have below average "hand-ball-coordination"), and I hesitate in asking for the ball. So inevitably, I get left out most of the time. Furthermore, I am extremely inert to tactics and strategies. In such a game which involves rather complex team movements, I feel lost, totally lost. Though I get the gist of it, the whole thing cannot simulate in my head. And when I try to think, there's not enough time. I don't feel it instinctive enough and that's probably how I know it as not my cup of tea.
But it was still fun. The field was muddy and damp. (damn!), and I got pretty badly soaked till waist level with mud. My white shoe is literally black now, and dirt engulfs it. Sad case, I had to take bus home with muddy shoes dirty feet and dirty everywhere. Not very nice. I did have fun though I think it will be quite sometime before I get to play touch rugby again. To think I was actually in rugby cca during my lower secondary years, but I was the blue moon attendance boy, so can't be help. I'm just inherently noob. Can't blame anyone for that.
I've studied quite some chemistry today. I'm totally behind my schedule (if there is even one). I find myself completing electro chemistry and equilibra in 2 days (from zero knowledge). Chemistry is the least of my worries now, what bugs me is physics. And so often on this blog would you find my callow on how naturally bad I am in physics. Let's just boycott the midyears. And looks like I will be the first and last member (to die as well).
I'm going to sleep early tonight, hopefully. I'm tired.
This holiday really isn't really much of a holiday. It still beats school hands down but I want my holidayeesque lifestyle!
Monday, June 9, 2008
Rants
I shouldn't really be blogging now but.
I'll really have to lock myself in and study later in the afternoon. Let's check the critical condition of my subjects.
Math
Topics which are lame : partial fractions
Topics I know almost nothing about : Poisson Dist, Normal Dist, "Ap GP", Summation, Induction.
Topics I can barely do : Binomial Dist, P & C, Probability
Topics which r covered in rust : Binomial Theorem, Differential Eqn, Complex Numbers,Graphs
Topics which I think are okay : The friends of Differentiation and Integration, Vectors, functions
(keyword:think)
Physics
Topics which I know almost nothing about : None, thankfully.
Topics which I can barely do : the whole electrical chunk (e-field, dc circuit, EM, EMI, ac)
Topics which I'm super weak : forces, moments, work energy power, measurement (lol!)
Topics which are covered in rust : mainly everything else.
Topics which I think are okay : Thermal, Waves, superposition, G-field, Circular motion
Chem
Topics which I know almost nothing about : Electro-chemistry, Chem equilibrium, Ionic Eq 1,2
Topics which are super duper weak : Chemical energetics, Reaction Kinetics
Topics which are covered in rust : Probably Periodicity, Group 2, Group 7
Topic which I think are okay : the whole organic chem (yay!), moles, redox, atomic struc, chem bonding, gaseous state,
Oh well. You can already tell that I'm slacking a lot the later part of this year. Reading notes that I have never seen before is going to take sometime. Probably more for math. I have a brief understanding of everything in physics but certain topics are just severely weak. Chem seems quite okay for now because mainly I'm okay in last year's work and I know briefly half of this year's work.
Am I supposed to feel stressed?
Okay at least we had 1 week for 4 content papers during common test. Now at least I have 2 weeks for 3 papers. That sounds a lot better.
I'll really have to lock myself in and study later in the afternoon. Let's check the critical condition of my subjects.
Math
Topics which are lame : partial fractions
Topics I know almost nothing about : Poisson Dist, Normal Dist, "Ap GP", Summation, Induction.
Topics I can barely do : Binomial Dist, P & C, Probability
Topics which r covered in rust : Binomial Theorem, Differential Eqn, Complex Numbers,Graphs
Topics which I think are okay : The friends of Differentiation and Integration, Vectors, functions
(keyword:think)
Physics
Topics which I know almost nothing about : None, thankfully.
Topics which I can barely do : the whole electrical chunk (e-field, dc circuit, EM, EMI, ac)
Topics which I'm super weak : forces, moments, work energy power, measurement (lol!)
Topics which are covered in rust : mainly everything else.
Topics which I think are okay : Thermal, Waves, superposition, G-field, Circular motion
Chem
Topics which I know almost nothing about : Electro-chemistry, Chem equilibrium, Ionic Eq 1,2
Topics which are super duper weak : Chemical energetics, Reaction Kinetics
Topics which are covered in rust : Probably Periodicity, Group 2, Group 7
Topic which I think are okay : the whole organic chem (yay!), moles, redox, atomic struc, chem bonding, gaseous state,
Oh well. You can already tell that I'm slacking a lot the later part of this year. Reading notes that I have never seen before is going to take sometime. Probably more for math. I have a brief understanding of everything in physics but certain topics are just severely weak. Chem seems quite okay for now because mainly I'm okay in last year's work and I know briefly half of this year's work.
Am I supposed to feel stressed?
Okay at least we had 1 week for 4 content papers during common test. Now at least I have 2 weeks for 3 papers. That sounds a lot better.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Overload
I feel super overload now. Had buffet dinner with my parents at err, science center. And no, there were no benzene rings nor Kepler's law of honey stars, (actually we were near snow city think, but it was not cold at all!). It was a buffet where there is racial harmony amongst food. Sushi, nasi lemak, shark fin, Thai tofu, and all sorts of different types. Quite a myriad. And then as a finisher I had four scoops of ice cream. Slurps.
Now I feel too full to do anything. And I studied a bit today and I tried not to get poisoned in the Poisson distribution.
I'm craving for a very holidayeesque life. Extravagance in time is something I've wished for. But right now, even under the effect of holidays, academics still plague the world. Perhaps there is actually rather significant joy in studying just as in eating a piece of beef steak or whatsoever, but studying is more like gorging yourself with satay plus beef plus sushi plus shark fin plus lor mai kai which I just did an hour ago. Now I feel so full and nauseas that I can barely stand. I can't believe I made a resolution about a day ago to get fitter.
I feel guilty for relaxing too much, that I feel satisfied that it is the first small tiny (but insignificant) step to academic excellence. Guilt, is such a great driving force, ain't it.
Why when I visit other people's blog, I see frequent tags. But my tag board is like some stagnant one. (don't worry, there are NO mosquitoes). So if you pass by, please remember to tag. Seems like people are too busy reading what I've written.
The next two weeks, let's say if I don't study I'm totally dead. There's a small chance of survival if I try to study something. I won't do well, but I think I can do the way I've been always doing-just enough to get by.
I hope this theory applies-anything in excess in unhealthy, and moderation is the key to success. Oh well, I don't need an excess of marks either.
Now I feel too full to do anything. And I studied a bit today and I tried not to get poisoned in the Poisson distribution.
I'm craving for a very holidayeesque life. Extravagance in time is something I've wished for. But right now, even under the effect of holidays, academics still plague the world. Perhaps there is actually rather significant joy in studying just as in eating a piece of beef steak or whatsoever, but studying is more like gorging yourself with satay plus beef plus sushi plus shark fin plus lor mai kai which I just did an hour ago. Now I feel so full and nauseas that I can barely stand. I can't believe I made a resolution about a day ago to get fitter.
I feel guilty for relaxing too much, that I feel satisfied that it is the first small tiny (but insignificant) step to academic excellence. Guilt, is such a great driving force, ain't it.
Why when I visit other people's blog, I see frequent tags. But my tag board is like some stagnant one. (don't worry, there are NO mosquitoes). So if you pass by, please remember to tag. Seems like people are too busy reading what I've written.
The next two weeks, let's say if I don't study I'm totally dead. There's a small chance of survival if I try to study something. I won't do well, but I think I can do the way I've been always doing-just enough to get by.
I hope this theory applies-anything in excess in unhealthy, and moderation is the key to success. Oh well, I don't need an excess of marks either.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Downloading studying.exe 0%
Awwwouch. Zero studying done today.
So mainly today I slept in. The torrential rain, and cool and calm breeze was really enticing me to go deeper beneath my blankets. Then I spent my late morning chatting with my brother. And then finally getting on the piano for about 1-2 hours before leaving for church.
So I was early, yes, at church for Jump. And so I landed myself in Aaron goh's house and several peeps were playing dota. Thanks to Kah seng for being so generous in playing time. The moment I was there, he let me play throughout which was 1 and a half games. Really appreciate that. So it was really an adventure of nostalgia. Been a long time since I've played a game of dota. Realized that Dota is indeed, has become instinctive. It's like riding a bicycle, once you've been there done that, some stuff aren't so easy to forget. I still like the idea of a comfortable tiny little lan corner.
So Jump was a pretty meaningful session. But it was leg busting, butt wrecking cause we all had to sit on the floor for about 2 hours plus.
I haven't studied almost at all this week. So right now I'm severely behind schedule. 3 H2s and 2 weeks, that spells doom. But remember, I'm the "time-scavenger". I'll manage somehow. Confidence. It helps to focus on task on hand, because I can only see the mid years but not the Alevels.
I'm still paying my slept debt. So I can't really study.
So mainly today I slept in. The torrential rain, and cool and calm breeze was really enticing me to go deeper beneath my blankets. Then I spent my late morning chatting with my brother. And then finally getting on the piano for about 1-2 hours before leaving for church.
So I was early, yes, at church for Jump. And so I landed myself in Aaron goh's house and several peeps were playing dota. Thanks to Kah seng for being so generous in playing time. The moment I was there, he let me play throughout which was 1 and a half games. Really appreciate that. So it was really an adventure of nostalgia. Been a long time since I've played a game of dota. Realized that Dota is indeed, has become instinctive. It's like riding a bicycle, once you've been there done that, some stuff aren't so easy to forget. I still like the idea of a comfortable tiny little lan corner.
So Jump was a pretty meaningful session. But it was leg busting, butt wrecking cause we all had to sit on the floor for about 2 hours plus.
I haven't studied almost at all this week. So right now I'm severely behind schedule. 3 H2s and 2 weeks, that spells doom. But remember, I'm the "time-scavenger". I'll manage somehow. Confidence. It helps to focus on task on hand, because I can only see the mid years but not the Alevels.
I'm still paying my slept debt. So I can't really study.
Some random crap
I just felt like doing something like this. Been sometime since I've did a blog quiz.
I just rubbed my eyes and now I have sharingan!!!
Love Survey:
You must answer every question TRUTHFULLY!!
[01] Are you currently in a
relationship?
::Nope.
[02] Have you ever been
given a rose..
::For what?
[03] What is your
all-time favorite romance movie.
::Not much.
[04 ] There's no number 4 question..
::Lamer!
[05] Do you believe that everyone has
a soul mate ?
::Yes
[06] What's your current problem?
::I have no problem.
[07] Have you ever had your heart
broken?
::Yes
[08] Your thoughts of online or long
distance relationships?
::For idiots
[09] Have you ever seen a friend as
more than a friend
::Sometimes
[10] The person your with right now, do
you want to spend your life with?
::I'm alone
[11] How many kids do you want to
have?
::About 0.5 mols of kids?
[12] What is/are & your favorite
colors?
::Don't have much now. But it used to be red/Grey
[13] Which Celebrity you favor ?
::None.
[14] Do you believe you truly only love
once??
::Nope.
[15] Imagine you're 79 & your
husband just died, would you get
re-married?
::Will I live till 79?
[16] At what age did you start noticing
the opposite sex?
::I don't recall. Primary school perhaps?
[17] What song do u want to be played
at your wedding?
::Rachmaninoff 2nd Piano Concerto 1st movement
[18 ] Do you like anyone?
::Not really.
Random Survey
1. Are you into anyone?
No
2. Have you ever had chicken pox?
>Nope.
3. Is there someone you want to fight?
>LOL. nope
4. Song playing right now?
> Liszt-Feux Follets
5. What are you doing tomorrow?
> Studying
6. Does anyone like you?
> I don't read minds
7. What’s annoying you right now?
> Something stinks.
8. What are you thinking about right
> About the stupidity of this quiz
9. What is your middle name?
> Uh?
10. What were you doing an hour ago?
> Slacking
11. Do you have your license?
> What license?
12. Are you tired?
> Yes, forever will be
13. What does your last text message in
your inbox say?
> Lazy to reach out for my phone
14. What color is the shirt you are
wearing?
> Grayish blue
15. Last time you had someone cook for you?
> Always
16. What did they cook for you?
> I don't remember
17. How many emails do you have?
> Oh wow, 7852 exactly
18. Are you married?
> What a retarded question.
19. Do you have any piercings?
> No, I'm not retarded
20. Would you like to learn to play the drums?
> No, I can't play something with only one tone.
21. Last thing you read in the newspaper?
>I don't remember
22. What was the last pageant you
attended?
> what?
23. What is the last place you bought
pizza from?
> pizza hut?
24. Do you love anyone?
> Maybe?
25. What color is your hair?
> Black, very black
26. What’s your favorite color?
> Red, grey
27. What do you hear?
> Feux Follets
28. Do you find yourself loved?
> Not really
29. Last time you had a
dough nut?
> 5000 years ago.
Okay, very retarded. But.
I feel less crappish now. The theory of crapfusion involves the movement of crap energies/particles from an area of higher concentration to lower concentration. So now my blog is equally crappish. Thus, the craplibrium has been reached. And so we are all crabs!
I actually added crapfusion and craplibrium into my firefox spell check.
Seems like I have to go on a crapping spree
Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following...
They MUST be real places, names,things...NOTHING made up!
If you can't think of anything, skip it.
Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial.
And remember - you CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.
Your Name: Tay Yi
Famous Artist/Band/Musician: None, seriously
Favorite Song: None, seriously.
4 letter word:
Color: (can't think of any color that starts with letter T)
Animal: None (I'm skipping this due to the lame letter rule)
TV Show: Still skipping it. Bleh
Boy Name: Titanium!
Girl Name: Titration! (okay this is the most random crap of the night)
Occupation: Teacher?
Celebrity: Tiger woods!?
Food: Tea
Reason for Being Late: Time stopped, or at least I thought it did.
You shout!: Tar tar sauce
(do it softly!)
1.Do you burp in front of guys/girls?
Tries not to.
2. Do you have a crush?
Not really
3. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?
Nope.
4. Did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty/handsome for a guy/girl?
No I just need 3.142 seconds
5. Did you ever cry during a romantic movie?
Yes, if chilli went into my eyes. I will definitely. but who eats chilli with popcorn so, no.
6.Do you want to have a girlfriend/boyfriend?
It depends. Not exactly. I don't have the time/
7 . Do you consider making out "unladylike"?
I'm shocked. Is there even such a word!
8 .On the scale of 1-10 how fun is shopping
negative infinity
9. Do you think lip-gloss is the best?
What?
10. Do you freak out if you miss your favorite show?
I'll get them on torrents anyway
11 . How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
5 minutes and 23 seconds
12 . Do you like soccer boys/model girls?
Not really. I'm neutral
13. Is pink the best color in the world?
No. Absolutely not
14. Have you ever dressed unlike yourself to impress a guy/gal?
I never really dressed much in my life.
15. Do you often wish there was something you could change about yourself ?
Yes, definitely. I always wanted to be a child prodigy.
16. Do you want to confess your love but is too shy?
I'm rather brave when it comes to such matters, I don't know why.
17. Do you like to wear pants for guys/dresses for gals?
What other choices do we guys have anyway?
18. How siblings do you have?
3 brothers. Maybe 2 and a half ( just kidding)
19. Do you considered yourself emo?
Err, in the psychological way, yes. But not in the fashion context
20. If you have a crush...would you go up and admit to the person?
Yes, I would. But it depends, most crushes don't last long enough for that to happen.
21. Are shoes your weakness?
What?
22. Is chocolate your best friend?
I don't hallucinate.
23. Do you like to paint your nails?
Why do I have a feeling the person who came up with this quiz is probably some lame female.
24. What is your crush first name/surname?
Noob
25. On a scale of 1-10 how many times do you look in the mirror a day?
The amount of times the me in the mirror looks at me.
26. Are your nails long and pretty?
I don't want them stuck between keys.
27. How often do you wear high heels?
freaking stop asking me girl questions
28. Would you rather go to a sports event or go shopping?
sports. shopping can go rot away in the bin for nuts
29. Would you rather go to a rock concert or prepare yourself for a party??
it depends on whether the rock is metamorphic, igneous or sedimentary. Personally, I like obsidian. But still, a party is good too, because I'll go there to stone as well.
30. Would you rather listen to music or dance to music?
You can't dance to Beethoven's Appasionata. So I'll listen. Most people barely can define music so...if the world defines noise as music, then it will be according to their foolishness. I should care less.
Freak, I am inclined to believe that the idiot behind this quiz is a female. And perhaps this quiz was intended for girls, but I still did it. Man, I how disgusted I felt answering some of the questions.
I just rubbed my eyes and now I have sharingan!!!
Love Survey:
You must answer every question TRUTHFULLY!!
[01] Are you currently in a
relationship?
::Nope.
[02] Have you ever been
given a rose..
::For what?
[03] What is your
all-time favorite romance movie.
::Not much.
[04 ] There's no number 4 question..
::Lamer!
[05] Do you believe that everyone has
a soul mate ?
::Yes
[06] What's your current problem?
::I have no problem.
[07] Have you ever had your heart
broken?
::Yes
[08] Your thoughts of online or long
distance relationships?
::For idiots
[09] Have you ever seen a friend as
more than a friend
::Sometimes
[10] The person your with right now, do
you want to spend your life with?
::I'm alone
[11] How many kids do you want to
have?
::About 0.5 mols of kids?
[12] What is/are & your favorite
colors?
::Don't have much now. But it used to be red/Grey
[13] Which Celebrity you favor ?
::None.
[14] Do you believe you truly only love
once??
::Nope.
[15] Imagine you're 79 & your
husband just died, would you get
re-married?
::Will I live till 79?
[16] At what age did you start noticing
the opposite sex?
::I don't recall. Primary school perhaps?
[17] What song do u want to be played
at your wedding?
::Rachmaninoff 2nd Piano Concerto 1st movement
[18 ] Do you like anyone?
::Not really.
Random Survey
1. Are you into anyone?
No
2. Have you ever had chicken pox?
>Nope.
3. Is there someone you want to fight?
>LOL. nope
4. Song playing right now?
> Liszt-Feux Follets
5. What are you doing tomorrow?
> Studying
6. Does anyone like you?
> I don't read minds
7. What’s annoying you right now?
> Something stinks.
8. What are you thinking about right
> About the stupidity of this quiz
9. What is your middle name?
> Uh?
10. What were you doing an hour ago?
> Slacking
11. Do you have your license?
> What license?
12. Are you tired?
> Yes, forever will be
13. What does your last text message in
your inbox say?
> Lazy to reach out for my phone
14. What color is the shirt you are
wearing?
> Grayish blue
15. Last time you had someone cook for you?
> Always
16. What did they cook for you?
> I don't remember
17. How many emails do you have?
> Oh wow, 7852 exactly
18. Are you married?
> What a retarded question.
19. Do you have any piercings?
> No, I'm not retarded
20. Would you like to learn to play the drums?
> No, I can't play something with only one tone.
21. Last thing you read in the newspaper?
>I don't remember
22. What was the last pageant you
attended?
> what?
23. What is the last place you bought
pizza from?
> pizza hut?
24. Do you love anyone?
> Maybe?
25. What color is your hair?
> Black, very black
26. What’s your favorite color?
> Red, grey
27. What do you hear?
> Feux Follets
28. Do you find yourself loved?
> Not really
29. Last time you had a
dough nut?
> 5000 years ago.
Okay, very retarded. But.
I feel less crappish now. The theory of crapfusion involves the movement of crap energies/particles from an area of higher concentration to lower concentration. So now my blog is equally crappish. Thus, the craplibrium has been reached. And so we are all crabs!
I actually added crapfusion and craplibrium into my firefox spell check.
Seems like I have to go on a crapping spree
Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following...
They MUST be real places, names,things...NOTHING made up!
If you can't think of anything, skip it.
Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial.
And remember - you CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.
Your Name: Tay Yi
Famous Artist/Band/Musician: None, seriously
Favorite Song: None, seriously.
4 letter word:
Color: (can't think of any color that starts with letter T)
Animal: None (I'm skipping this due to the lame letter rule)
TV Show: Still skipping it. Bleh
Boy Name: Titanium!
Girl Name: Titration! (okay this is the most random crap of the night)
Occupation: Teacher?
Celebrity: Tiger woods!?
Food: Tea
Reason for Being Late: Time stopped, or at least I thought it did.
You shout!: Tar tar sauce
(do it softly!)
1.Do you burp in front of guys/girls?
Tries not to.
2. Do you have a crush?
Not really
3. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?
Nope.
4. Did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty/handsome for a guy/girl?
No I just need 3.142 seconds
5. Did you ever cry during a romantic movie?
Yes, if chilli went into my eyes. I will definitely. but who eats chilli with popcorn so, no.
6.Do you want to have a girlfriend/boyfriend?
It depends. Not exactly. I don't have the time/
7 . Do you consider making out "unladylike"?
I'm shocked. Is there even such a word!
8 .On the scale of 1-10 how fun is shopping
negative infinity
9. Do you think lip-gloss is the best?
What?
10. Do you freak out if you miss your favorite show?
I'll get them on torrents anyway
11 . How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
5 minutes and 23 seconds
12 . Do you like soccer boys/model girls?
Not really. I'm neutral
13. Is pink the best color in the world?
No. Absolutely not
14. Have you ever dressed unlike yourself to impress a guy/gal?
I never really dressed much in my life.
15. Do you often wish there was something you could change about yourself ?
Yes, definitely. I always wanted to be a child prodigy.
16. Do you want to confess your love but is too shy?
I'm rather brave when it comes to such matters, I don't know why.
17. Do you like to wear pants for guys/dresses for gals?
What other choices do we guys have anyway?
18. How siblings do you have?
3 brothers. Maybe 2 and a half ( just kidding)
19. Do you considered yourself emo?
Err, in the psychological way, yes. But not in the fashion context
20. If you have a crush...would you go up and admit to the person?
Yes, I would. But it depends, most crushes don't last long enough for that to happen.
21. Are shoes your weakness?
What?
22. Is chocolate your best friend?
I don't hallucinate.
23. Do you like to paint your nails?
Why do I have a feeling the person who came up with this quiz is probably some lame female.
24. What is your crush first name/surname?
Noob
25. On a scale of 1-10 how many times do you look in the mirror a day?
The amount of times the me in the mirror looks at me.
26. Are your nails long and pretty?
I don't want them stuck between keys.
27. How often do you wear high heels?
freaking stop asking me girl questions
28. Would you rather go to a sports event or go shopping?
sports. shopping can go rot away in the bin for nuts
29. Would you rather go to a rock concert or prepare yourself for a party??
it depends on whether the rock is metamorphic, igneous or sedimentary. Personally, I like obsidian. But still, a party is good too, because I'll go there to stone as well.
30. Would you rather listen to music or dance to music?
You can't dance to Beethoven's Appasionata. So I'll listen. Most people barely can define music so...if the world defines noise as music, then it will be according to their foolishness. I should care less.
Freak, I am inclined to believe that the idiot behind this quiz is a female. And perhaps this quiz was intended for girls, but I still did it. Man, I how disgusted I felt answering some of the questions.
Oh?
Some housekeeping matters
1)Two weeks are over
2)One week wasted completely slacking.
3)Two weeks left
4) math, chem and physics are going to die.
5) reminds myself that that's all the subjects I've got (almost).
6) looks like I'm quite dead.
>_<
and
7) I still wanna slack.
1)Two weeks are over
2)One week wasted completely slacking.
3)Two weeks left
4) math, chem and physics are going to die.
5) reminds myself that that's all the subjects I've got (almost).
6) looks like I'm quite dead.
>_<
and
7) I still wanna slack.
And so the ultimate post
I have two things to blog about actually. But it's quite late, and again, I am sleep deprived, so pardon me if I say anything wrong.
I slept Thursday away, woke up at intervals, and stayed awake for about 2 hours each time. I even woke up at 2am on Friday morning and slept again after 2 hours. So that's it, my body clock is screwed once again. Congrats, now it's time for the recovery programme.
So yeah back to the point-Lock-in-night.
For those who have been steadfast and aggressive in their blog viewing, you should have caught my previous acerbic post pertaining to the lock-in-night. There were truths in it, but paraphrased rather crudely. I admit to be sleep-deprived and half drunk when I wrote that, I wasn't being very tactful either way. So now, here and now, Ty sums up his thoughts and feelings again, in a nicer manner but hopefully with the same gist as previously.
So now, I don't want to go into my harsh, critical mode. I shall speak fairly, and accurately from how I feel.
It was fun. Yes it was. Everyone would say it is fun. Every did have fun. However, I am not going into just the typical "oh fugues, it was superb fun it was the best l33t night in 2008" then goes *blabbing about how fun it was*. I believe satisfaction is the end of improvement. And so my apologizes if I get too critical and fussy about what the content ahead.
Mainly, how fun a lock-in-night is mainly evaluated by the games, usually station games which are being played throughout the morning. Well, I would say after further consideration, a handful of the games were creative. (if you read my previous post). Perhaps I was being rather sore because most of the games were no-brainers. I like games where you have to think, and that was probably why I saw no point in gross-factor games. Stick your hand in the glue to find matchsticks? How is that analytical in anyway. But I was reminded by my brother (who read the previous acerbic post), that people go there to have fun and not to think and it just happens my way of having fun is a more intellectual one. That was my bad.
I think my opinion was slightly biased because of the gross-factor games which turned my opinion totally nasty about the entire night. I overlooked the water station (which was honestly, quite fun), and the spinning tennis ball station. I liked the skit station (mainly because my group won that very neatly). Don't get me wrong, I am not unsporting, neither am I afraid of goo OR dog poop captain's ball. I still played them with lots of gusto and hopefully, some forced enthusiasm. However, in all that brave front, I don't think getting dirty is fun, I don't think it's memorable, I think it's just very uncomfortable. I prefer games to be more civil, more considerate, less animalistic, and more intellectual. But again, I was reminded, it was late at night (or early in the morning), people do not want to think.
I think I had high expectations to begin with. The 2 hour long plus plus plus worship got me thinking the games should be worth it. The music could have been better but since they were worship songs I don't think commenting would be a good idea. Either way, the previous lock in night (which I believe was 3 years back, the jedi one) was really fun. Thus, it made me compare. I don't think this lock-in-night could be compared with that one. Both was fun, in different manners. But using my last experience as a benchmark was a mistake.
Partially maybe (and honestly) why I was being so critical was maybe somewhere within me I always wanted to be some part of some games committee. Something in me naturally tells myself that I can do better, I can think of better games. But I realize after some soul searching that perhaps my idea of games is a very different one. From young, I was known to be an extremist, my opinions can be very alienated from the norm. I can dislike something everyone likes or like something everyone dislikes. It's very volatile and unpredictable. Thus, maybe after all I'm not suited to go anywhere near such a job. And to think even if I volunteer myself, perhaps no one would accept me for such a responsibility. At least..not in the near future. I have to remind myself I have mid year exams in 2 weeks and 3 more subjects which need a lot attention right now. (and the A levels in a few months).
There are some people whom I respect a lot in the committee. I'm not going to mention names. Perhaps that is the reason why I expected more, and that lead to quite a disappointment.
But still, I was a fun-filled morning. I enjoyed it, yes honestly.
That concludes it. Anyway, it still feels like yesterday. Feels just as if I've woken up from lock-in-night. I just came back from YF, and hide and seek is like super fun!
//end part 1
Back to reality. Sometimes I wonder why I opened myself up to people again. Remember, I have been living in purest of solitude for about a couple of months. Boy, those days were good. I don't have to think about people, I don't have to talk to people. I have all the time in the world in my hands. I progressed more in all aspects, piano, academically. I have time to do wonders. Now, I've been going out more, church, yf, jump, and it seems as if my productivity has plummeted drastically. Where has my determination go to? Did I actually tell myself I wanted to remain in solitary mode till the end of this year. Was I afraid I would become an incurable introvert? Or am I already an introvert. I find myself having reluctance in talking to people. I can still joke the usual lame crap because it's already so embedded within me, but still. With people around me, my productivity has been dropping a lot. If only I can find the determination to shut myself from the world again. Then I will achieve more, definitely. But why am I not doing so, I wonder.
There are things which I am unhappy about. I used to be very frank, but right now, I tend to keep somethings to myself. Well, introverts only have themselves as an avenue for anything. I find myself passively emo, but not particularly about anything, but still I just have a negative perspective about things. I used to be cheerful right? Was I? Have I changed. Right now, the me is calculative, angry, negative and cloudy. Why?
Clowns are the saddest people.
It seems like I'm searching for answers. It's still the same old problem, pride. I feel as though I want to create a pathway with my own hands (literally). I feel as if if I can master this, or master that, I transcend beyond the current self-inflicted status of a loser. There brings in the problem of duo-personality syndrome. How can someone be so lacking confidence and full of pride and arrogance at the same time. Oxymoron-ish nature.
Perhaps I am totally going the wrong direction. I try to find my own ways and create my own avenues of comfort. Strangely, there isn't anything particular to feel sad about. But the inherent nature of the craving of emotional drama which is so evident has probably led me on a path to revisit past wounds. Then I have to remind myself to brace up.
Still, I have to constantly remind myself of my priorities.
There's an unbridgeable gap and I don't want to fall through it.
It's just me and that historic piece of paper. I just love challenges. What's next.
I slept Thursday away, woke up at intervals, and stayed awake for about 2 hours each time. I even woke up at 2am on Friday morning and slept again after 2 hours. So that's it, my body clock is screwed once again. Congrats, now it's time for the recovery programme.
So yeah back to the point-Lock-in-night.
For those who have been steadfast and aggressive in their blog viewing, you should have caught my previous acerbic post pertaining to the lock-in-night. There were truths in it, but paraphrased rather crudely. I admit to be sleep-deprived and half drunk when I wrote that, I wasn't being very tactful either way. So now, here and now, Ty sums up his thoughts and feelings again, in a nicer manner but hopefully with the same gist as previously.
So now, I don't want to go into my harsh, critical mode. I shall speak fairly, and accurately from how I feel.
It was fun. Yes it was. Everyone would say it is fun. Every did have fun. However, I am not going into just the typical "oh fugues, it was superb fun it was the best l33t night in 2008" then goes *blabbing about how fun it was*. I believe satisfaction is the end of improvement. And so my apologizes if I get too critical and fussy about what the content ahead.
Mainly, how fun a lock-in-night is mainly evaluated by the games, usually station games which are being played throughout the morning. Well, I would say after further consideration, a handful of the games were creative. (if you read my previous post). Perhaps I was being rather sore because most of the games were no-brainers. I like games where you have to think, and that was probably why I saw no point in gross-factor games. Stick your hand in the glue to find matchsticks? How is that analytical in anyway. But I was reminded by my brother (who read the previous acerbic post), that people go there to have fun and not to think and it just happens my way of having fun is a more intellectual one. That was my bad.
I think my opinion was slightly biased because of the gross-factor games which turned my opinion totally nasty about the entire night. I overlooked the water station (which was honestly, quite fun), and the spinning tennis ball station. I liked the skit station (mainly because my group won that very neatly). Don't get me wrong, I am not unsporting, neither am I afraid of goo OR dog poop captain's ball. I still played them with lots of gusto and hopefully, some forced enthusiasm. However, in all that brave front, I don't think getting dirty is fun, I don't think it's memorable, I think it's just very uncomfortable. I prefer games to be more civil, more considerate, less animalistic, and more intellectual. But again, I was reminded, it was late at night (or early in the morning), people do not want to think.
I think I had high expectations to begin with. The 2 hour long plus plus plus worship got me thinking the games should be worth it. The music could have been better but since they were worship songs I don't think commenting would be a good idea. Either way, the previous lock in night (which I believe was 3 years back, the jedi one) was really fun. Thus, it made me compare. I don't think this lock-in-night could be compared with that one. Both was fun, in different manners. But using my last experience as a benchmark was a mistake.
Partially maybe (and honestly) why I was being so critical was maybe somewhere within me I always wanted to be some part of some games committee. Something in me naturally tells myself that I can do better, I can think of better games. But I realize after some soul searching that perhaps my idea of games is a very different one. From young, I was known to be an extremist, my opinions can be very alienated from the norm. I can dislike something everyone likes or like something everyone dislikes. It's very volatile and unpredictable. Thus, maybe after all I'm not suited to go anywhere near such a job. And to think even if I volunteer myself, perhaps no one would accept me for such a responsibility. At least..not in the near future. I have to remind myself I have mid year exams in 2 weeks and 3 more subjects which need a lot attention right now. (and the A levels in a few months).
There are some people whom I respect a lot in the committee. I'm not going to mention names. Perhaps that is the reason why I expected more, and that lead to quite a disappointment.
But still, I was a fun-filled morning. I enjoyed it, yes honestly.
That concludes it. Anyway, it still feels like yesterday. Feels just as if I've woken up from lock-in-night. I just came back from YF, and hide and seek is like super fun!
//end part 1
Back to reality. Sometimes I wonder why I opened myself up to people again. Remember, I have been living in purest of solitude for about a couple of months. Boy, those days were good. I don't have to think about people, I don't have to talk to people. I have all the time in the world in my hands. I progressed more in all aspects, piano, academically. I have time to do wonders. Now, I've been going out more, church, yf, jump, and it seems as if my productivity has plummeted drastically. Where has my determination go to? Did I actually tell myself I wanted to remain in solitary mode till the end of this year. Was I afraid I would become an incurable introvert? Or am I already an introvert. I find myself having reluctance in talking to people. I can still joke the usual lame crap because it's already so embedded within me, but still. With people around me, my productivity has been dropping a lot. If only I can find the determination to shut myself from the world again. Then I will achieve more, definitely. But why am I not doing so, I wonder.
There are things which I am unhappy about. I used to be very frank, but right now, I tend to keep somethings to myself. Well, introverts only have themselves as an avenue for anything. I find myself passively emo, but not particularly about anything, but still I just have a negative perspective about things. I used to be cheerful right? Was I? Have I changed. Right now, the me is calculative, angry, negative and cloudy. Why?
Clowns are the saddest people.
It seems like I'm searching for answers. It's still the same old problem, pride. I feel as though I want to create a pathway with my own hands (literally). I feel as if if I can master this, or master that, I transcend beyond the current self-inflicted status of a loser. There brings in the problem of duo-personality syndrome. How can someone be so lacking confidence and full of pride and arrogance at the same time. Oxymoron-ish nature.
Perhaps I am totally going the wrong direction. I try to find my own ways and create my own avenues of comfort. Strangely, there isn't anything particular to feel sad about. But the inherent nature of the craving of emotional drama which is so evident has probably led me on a path to revisit past wounds. Then I have to remind myself to brace up.
Still, I have to constantly remind myself of my priorities.
There's an unbridgeable gap and I don't want to fall through it.
It's just me and that historic piece of paper. I just love challenges. What's next.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Sleepy
Okay just moments a ago I got bashed for a post which I already removed and now I get nicely bashed in another (the one before this). I'm too tired to post anything now.
Goes back to sleep
Goes back to sleep
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Revision
So the more you do something, naturally, you would get better, along with time. But we often neglect that the less you do something, also naturally and inevitably, you would get worst at it.
I tried playing badminton today, and it was one harsh revision experience. I experienced 10 minutes of pure overhead missing (and yes, my timing was screwed), then my reflexes were extremely numb and slow. I had to thaw this icing coldness, the coldness of unfamiliarity which probably made the experience terrifying. The strokes which I was once had utmost confidence in, betrayed me (or I believe I betrayed them), I hardly even manage to even recover a decent backhand drop shot today. I did recover, I did revise, but that was still a far far cry from where I was. If I just let it flow gradually, will I be able to get back my old self. or are such things lost forever??
By the end, I was able to recover some bits and fragments of memories. It's like forgetting how do even walk and crawl. Badminton formed a big portion of my life several years back and solely one year absence from competitively playing badminton caused such major wreckage in badminton for me. Why do I feel an obligation to actually improve up to a decent social recreational standard? Why do I feel if I don't do that, I have wasted about 2.5 years of my time seriously mugging badminton. It haunts me now, to pay the upkeep or let it be gone forever. Badminton to me, is a dispensable thing right now. However, out of all the sports, it is the only one which I can play. Amongst all my cries only one answered. Badminton did.
I don't know. I'm so confused. Am I seriously supposed to use time and effort to upkeep this? Or do I just let it rot and eventually let it vanish from my life. It will probably take maybe 5-10 sessions where I can roughly get my technique back, but 5-10 sessions is a lot of time. I don't have the passion to do this anymore. My feelings are gone. I feel betrayed, yet I am the betrayer. I will decide in time to come, but for now, I will just play casually and see how things go. But for starters, let's say I am absolutely disgusted with how much I've plummeted.
There are more important things going on in my life right now.
Coincidently, I played near a group of kids having training. I was once in that system. Train hard, privately, additionally with a coach, then go join a competition hoping to pass the first round and if one was good enough, one would still get eliminated by the likes of foreign imports or lifeless shits that had monopoly of the sport. It was the case also in the inter schools, and everywhere. People like us, who are just born, not crazy, not insane, who have more to life, probably will not reach that far in a sport like badminton which requires hundreds of hours to train. It is an elimination thing, when one wins, another loses. A hell load of competitiveness, and the bane of the problem is pride.
How many months or years have I been living in a delusion. Or how many more people are still in this big scam. I remember the people whom I used to train with in a more serious "professional coaching". They were good, they were agile, and much better than I was. They were older than me. Amongst which, many were from ITE, if not some incompetent secondary school. I had a friend (rather close), who managed to improve from nothing (scratch) in two years to fight evenly with someone of the same age from sports school. The catch? 7 hours per day not including training sessions and assisting the coach for extra cash. He leveled with people in the sports school, but that's not enough for him to finish in somewhere near the national team, let alone internationally. And ultimately, even if he did, he wouldn't make it internationally and his maximum potential would be becoming a badminton coach. (which is an earnest living of course, but doesn't bring one very far).
These were people who trained hard believing they could become professionals. Probably well, all along these dreams were nonexistent. Lies. some people win for personal glorification and the purpose of Sport was just to keep fit, keep competitive and maintain balance alongside other issues in life. However, for these "friends" of mine. I hope they would find their path in life. Earning stacks of red and green notes in exchange for hours and skills (assisting coaching) may seem attractive and lucrative in one's teens. They spent many hours helping my coach coach little kids and harvest quite a bit (in our tiny perspective). I respect them for their skills, (I too did assisting for I think 1-2 sessions but I didn't have the time), but yet I worry for their future. Even with some sort of jerkwater education-the ITE cert, and no matter how good you are (or were) in badminton is not going to get you anywhere. The cream of the badminton coaches are reserved for people who are already in the national team. They might earn relatively big bucks, but a mediocre player becomes a mediocre coach (in the eyes of the people). With no credentials, the future looks bleak. I worry for them.
Of course, it still beats smoking tar or getting in gang fights (which is ITEesque).
I think I am quite sick and tired of coaches who have too much pride in their "industry". So what if they're the king at the court, but outside the court. They aren't probably worth much. A coach should know when to draw the line between competitive and suicidal and not expect people to dedicate so much just like they themselves. I went with the flow, and got caught with the flow along with these people whom I mentioned above. I wanted to catch up, I took so much pride in my ability. But I forgot it was just one bird, two people and a net.
This is speaking of experience. I've known some great people, my former coach was a nice man. In contrast with other coaches (some which I've trained under), who are disturbingly serious, full of pride, arrogant. Some who are condemning, some talk as if badminton is as vital as water (of course, maybe to them).
Ultimately, it was a meandering journey for me. And I'm finally glad I get to see the ocean. (I've escaped), from all this seriousness. Being extremely good at badminton is something I've dream of, wished for, dedicated time and effort in hopes of. But it was something out of my reach. I have to admit I don't have that much talent for sports. Probably average, but not exceptional. To excel, you have to be exceptional. I don't have the physique. I started too late. And even so, I never wanted to be a badminton coach. My life is somewhere else, somewhere more exclusive, somewhere lofty. Being good at multiple things is an alternative, but ultimately just like stat points in certain RPG games, how you even them out will eventually led to how the character would turn out to be. It seems like I added strength stats to an intelligence based character.
It's time I search for the purpose of why I pick up the racket. When I play now, I have to keep in mind that I am playing solely for fun. I do not really care if my lob is 4cm away from the baseline. If I hit a high net shot, (and get tapped badly), I can just laugh and move on. But I find myself living in a new perspective but refusing to move on and let go with the past. I still dread, sigh and curse silently when my lob goes half base. My stamina has dropped drastically (no more 9min 2.4 km run), and I find myself fatigued after an hour. It's all very taxing, emotionally, to be unable to do the things you were once able to do easily.
An emotional journey for me today. I never thought so much of what badminton meant to me. Right now, not much. But perhaps I will try to be more consistent in playing so I do not accumulate too much rust. I don't have the passion anymore. (I feel quite utterly sick of it after an hour of it today), but still, in order not to waste all my time I've spent on it, I think I'm going to oblige and upkeep this hefty cost of playing badminton.
Well, I've talked too much. How and why I stopped badminton as a cca is a whole total different issue all together with varying factors, but the gist is here. I've never told people what was the real core reason for quitting badminton and how my passion was terminated so easily (remember? my attitude towards the sport was vehement).
I tried playing badminton today, and it was one harsh revision experience. I experienced 10 minutes of pure overhead missing (and yes, my timing was screwed), then my reflexes were extremely numb and slow. I had to thaw this icing coldness, the coldness of unfamiliarity which probably made the experience terrifying. The strokes which I was once had utmost confidence in, betrayed me (or I believe I betrayed them), I hardly even manage to even recover a decent backhand drop shot today. I did recover, I did revise, but that was still a far far cry from where I was. If I just let it flow gradually, will I be able to get back my old self. or are such things lost forever??
By the end, I was able to recover some bits and fragments of memories. It's like forgetting how do even walk and crawl. Badminton formed a big portion of my life several years back and solely one year absence from competitively playing badminton caused such major wreckage in badminton for me. Why do I feel an obligation to actually improve up to a decent social recreational standard? Why do I feel if I don't do that, I have wasted about 2.5 years of my time seriously mugging badminton. It haunts me now, to pay the upkeep or let it be gone forever. Badminton to me, is a dispensable thing right now. However, out of all the sports, it is the only one which I can play. Amongst all my cries only one answered. Badminton did.
I don't know. I'm so confused. Am I seriously supposed to use time and effort to upkeep this? Or do I just let it rot and eventually let it vanish from my life. It will probably take maybe 5-10 sessions where I can roughly get my technique back, but 5-10 sessions is a lot of time. I don't have the passion to do this anymore. My feelings are gone. I feel betrayed, yet I am the betrayer. I will decide in time to come, but for now, I will just play casually and see how things go. But for starters, let's say I am absolutely disgusted with how much I've plummeted.
There are more important things going on in my life right now.
Coincidently, I played near a group of kids having training. I was once in that system. Train hard, privately, additionally with a coach, then go join a competition hoping to pass the first round and if one was good enough, one would still get eliminated by the likes of foreign imports or lifeless shits that had monopoly of the sport. It was the case also in the inter schools, and everywhere. People like us, who are just born, not crazy, not insane, who have more to life, probably will not reach that far in a sport like badminton which requires hundreds of hours to train. It is an elimination thing, when one wins, another loses. A hell load of competitiveness, and the bane of the problem is pride.
How many months or years have I been living in a delusion. Or how many more people are still in this big scam. I remember the people whom I used to train with in a more serious "professional coaching". They were good, they were agile, and much better than I was. They were older than me. Amongst which, many were from ITE, if not some incompetent secondary school. I had a friend (rather close), who managed to improve from nothing (scratch) in two years to fight evenly with someone of the same age from sports school. The catch? 7 hours per day not including training sessions and assisting the coach for extra cash. He leveled with people in the sports school, but that's not enough for him to finish in somewhere near the national team, let alone internationally. And ultimately, even if he did, he wouldn't make it internationally and his maximum potential would be becoming a badminton coach. (which is an earnest living of course, but doesn't bring one very far).
These were people who trained hard believing they could become professionals. Probably well, all along these dreams were nonexistent. Lies. some people win for personal glorification and the purpose of Sport was just to keep fit, keep competitive and maintain balance alongside other issues in life. However, for these "friends" of mine. I hope they would find their path in life. Earning stacks of red and green notes in exchange for hours and skills (assisting coaching) may seem attractive and lucrative in one's teens. They spent many hours helping my coach coach little kids and harvest quite a bit (in our tiny perspective). I respect them for their skills, (I too did assisting for I think 1-2 sessions but I didn't have the time), but yet I worry for their future. Even with some sort of jerkwater education-the ITE cert, and no matter how good you are (or were) in badminton is not going to get you anywhere. The cream of the badminton coaches are reserved for people who are already in the national team. They might earn relatively big bucks, but a mediocre player becomes a mediocre coach (in the eyes of the people). With no credentials, the future looks bleak. I worry for them.
Of course, it still beats smoking tar or getting in gang fights (which is ITEesque).
I think I am quite sick and tired of coaches who have too much pride in their "industry". So what if they're the king at the court, but outside the court. They aren't probably worth much. A coach should know when to draw the line between competitive and suicidal and not expect people to dedicate so much just like they themselves. I went with the flow, and got caught with the flow along with these people whom I mentioned above. I wanted to catch up, I took so much pride in my ability. But I forgot it was just one bird, two people and a net.
This is speaking of experience. I've known some great people, my former coach was a nice man. In contrast with other coaches (some which I've trained under), who are disturbingly serious, full of pride, arrogant. Some who are condemning, some talk as if badminton is as vital as water (of course, maybe to them).
Ultimately, it was a meandering journey for me. And I'm finally glad I get to see the ocean. (I've escaped), from all this seriousness. Being extremely good at badminton is something I've dream of, wished for, dedicated time and effort in hopes of. But it was something out of my reach. I have to admit I don't have that much talent for sports. Probably average, but not exceptional. To excel, you have to be exceptional. I don't have the physique. I started too late. And even so, I never wanted to be a badminton coach. My life is somewhere else, somewhere more exclusive, somewhere lofty. Being good at multiple things is an alternative, but ultimately just like stat points in certain RPG games, how you even them out will eventually led to how the character would turn out to be. It seems like I added strength stats to an intelligence based character.
It's time I search for the purpose of why I pick up the racket. When I play now, I have to keep in mind that I am playing solely for fun. I do not really care if my lob is 4cm away from the baseline. If I hit a high net shot, (and get tapped badly), I can just laugh and move on. But I find myself living in a new perspective but refusing to move on and let go with the past. I still dread, sigh and curse silently when my lob goes half base. My stamina has dropped drastically (no more 9min 2.4 km run), and I find myself fatigued after an hour. It's all very taxing, emotionally, to be unable to do the things you were once able to do easily.
An emotional journey for me today. I never thought so much of what badminton meant to me. Right now, not much. But perhaps I will try to be more consistent in playing so I do not accumulate too much rust. I don't have the passion anymore. (I feel quite utterly sick of it after an hour of it today), but still, in order not to waste all my time I've spent on it, I think I'm going to oblige and upkeep this hefty cost of playing badminton.
Well, I've talked too much. How and why I stopped badminton as a cca is a whole total different issue all together with varying factors, but the gist is here. I've never told people what was the real core reason for quitting badminton and how my passion was terminated so easily (remember? my attitude towards the sport was vehement).
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