Only myself to blame

I woke up at 0300 hrs this morning just to stand by toilet bowl and watch the previous intake of food gush out like the wind. In that gross pandemonium I realized what I have been consuming the previous day. All supposedly forbidden to someone with stomach flu. Yesterday before I went out my mum warned me that no diary products. But I heeded that advice not. In total, I believe I consumed one coffee with milk, one mango sundae, and one chocolate cake (or something like that). All perfectly bad for my stomach. Then now I had some sort of a one timer diarrhea. It's getting better again, and I hope it gets even better. Life sucks being sick.

I miss you already

Lights out

Over the past few days I have successfully learn how to feel sleepy at 2230 hrs. And indeed, I am partially drowsy. Not sleep walking nor talking but sleep typing.

Today was another beautiful day. Another day of freedom and bliss. I would not really say life on that darn island is exactly hell but to be precise it's really the island of reduction. You feel like a small fry on it, and when you exit it's reduction locus you suddenly feel as if your power has been magnified by a power of twenty three. Amazing! That's relativity for you, the power of contrast.

I did nothing much today actually. I played the piano. Dust off my pieces, and that's about it. No time for passage forging and refining work. I ain't got such luxury of time. I woke up still thinking I was on that darn island in the stuffy haunted bunk waiting for something to happen. But no, I was sitting there with freedom in abundance excess. What to do now? Shall I get permission to carry on. Go toilet, how? Suddenly, life flips 180 degrees again. It was what it was all the while, but fifteen days is enough to go on topsy turvey mode. Thats why they call it the adjustment period.

And to be precise, my dreams included fire drill and many many heads out. Wonder why.

Lights out!

Distance

Distance

Hello fellow magnet!
How far you are today I waved
There's no room for any duet
By distance we are enslaved
Blue magnet exerts all power
to no avail reach his force
As pink magnet sat far, stationary like a tower
No way out, nature laws enforce.
However, we are spared from the fate like them
Far far away love works just right still
Even in another another distant realm
Amidst the trauma, every pulse of voice does heal.
Like rubber bands we should be
Nothing beyond what we can handle, we could stretch
When the distance close ups abrupt we
soar into the sky, hearts outstretch
There's nothing more painful like missing somebody
Reunion hugs that brings a forceful alleviation
More moving than the greatest symphony.

//

Waking up at 7:30 feels late now. I have a whole day ahead! YAY!

Sick and tired

Well. I consider it fortunate that pushing sleep barriers is usually one of my fortes especially when it comes to doing something I like, or want to do. I am not supposed to blog about any discrete information about how time flew by and how I enjoyed myself the past fifteen days. Nightmares upon nightmares, storm over storm and relativity emerges like surging winds that turn small instances of joy into celebration worth moments. True enough, happiness OR unhappiness is relative, so without a point of equilibrium, or somewhat a reference point, nothing can be defined. And this is especially true when that reference point is now wavering.

Being stuck on an island is one miserable feeling. An island that saps all your energy, mana, free will, resolution, pride and most importantly freedom. The island of true reduction. However, being stuck is a physical term. If we all transcend through time, we are generally moving out of the island each day. (Can't digest? Think again). I think about it this way and realize we're not stuck. We're actually just require an unchangeable amount of time to get off it. Island, but this time, not lost, but found. (with sharp eagle eyes preying on your every movement)

Fatigue then turns the tables. It changes a physical battle into a mental game. Nothing more, nothing less. Switching worlds feels instantaneously scary. There is like an immediate cultural shock. The overwhelming release of the freedom restrict valves and so on. The shackles that free the moment the magical hour arrives. Everything is so steadfast and aggressive that it becomes relentlessly intimidating. I wonder how, I wonder why. There is no turning back. Keep still, and wait for the tide of time to push us all forward out of the abyss.

I know there is unnecessary exaggeration. But for it is midnight and I woke up 0500 hours the previous morning, I should not really say I am sane. (more of the direct opposite).

The further you stretch a rubber band, the further it can fly. (within it's elastic limit). Stretching for fifteen days, certainly we did FLY quite a bit today. We all did. The joy experienced was not short changed at all, it was very very delayed gratification. If only joy and happiness could be measured I would gladly prove my theory true. Purely optimism or something which makes sense? Aw, I don't know.

I have several more poems installed for tomorrow. For now, it shall wait. I shall cuddle in my silk blankets and not worry about waking up for exercise tomorrow. Maybe I should march from point A to point B. Say for instance, my house to the bus stop.

Farewell Halcyon Days

Bye Real World.

back in two weeks. See ya 

Penultimate over

This will probably be my second last post before I slide into that life changing green tube of transition into the next stage. A whole new game, a brand new mushroom of doom begins this Friday the thirteenth.

Today I decided up my game by going to the Army market at Beach Road. It was a pleasant trip (albeit long) with my Dad. Spent some time with my Dad, which was good quality time indeed. Beach Road was being a bitch with her car parks. We hovered in our cars for about a good deal of time before we could get a lot. Finally found ourselves above an open aired food center, at a market that sells army equipment. No, they did not sell any Quarter Staff or Broad Swords but I got myself 88 dollars worth of objects (yes freaking objects) ranging from Black tape to three extra sets of shirt and shorts. Yes, lazy bum here dislikes washing clothes.

And I discovered there's this cute little product which charges phones with batteries. The simple solution to the ban on chargers? Perhaps. I just can't wait to find out how efficient it really is. If one battery could restore a dead phone to full health, it is still quite damn expensive. I haven't got myself a cheapo phone. Tomorrow. Old habits die hard. Once a procrastinator, forever one.

Tomorrow I will start writing letters to all the people whom I will miss in the confinement period. Should I write my will when I'm at it.(!?) And I'm meeting Pastor Wesley tomorrow for Ice Cream fellowship! I'm looking forward to it!

The Waddler

Two yellow ducks waddle waddle,
in puddle one hundred seventy three,
fourteen twelve river.
Their beaks glamour in glee.
Honeystars shine in appasionato
Gummy worms wiggle wiggle in bed
A meteor shower of stars follows
On the wall so fade
A midst three happy nights
sweet as ice cream
Grounded ducks took flight
Sky tasted like brownies it seems!
Presto con Fuoco!
Ducks in liebestraum
Passion that echoes
Resonates in hearts deeply sunk

I think therefore I am

Descartes walked into a bar and the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink. He replied I think not and then vanished.

Greatest joke ever. I mean really like 10/10. Intellectually funny, albeit a little cold.

I realize I can go on randomly crapping and linking random stuff. But nowadays people these days are so disturbingly immune to humor. Either they feel compelled to act towards the "hey I'm mature I keep a stern straight face" or they have no sense of humor at all. Puns are funny, even if they are ridiculous. The outrageously random things are also outrageously funny. They are "asking for a fist burger" for a reason, and that makes them funny. I don't know why people find them distasteful. I still have to decide if I want to upkeep the lame random guy image in army. I hope I don't become public enemy number one.

JC days were the best for lame jokes because every single damn thing in the notes can be crap-able. Amidst the myriad of boring lectures and tutorials the propensity of self entertainment is high. And yes we are talking of something that have no cost, (unlike a PSP), and brings forth overwhelming entertainment (beyond a PSP), and that of course, is our own minds. Sometimes I can amuse myself with all the crap I can churn out in my brain!

For some (maybe arcane) reason I cannot blog about these days. But these days are pretty fun, and pretty epic nice days to be my last days alive. I'm starting to feel like I want to go army. Because I suddenly need structure in my life and I am sick and tired of bumming around. Collin said PTP Bmt is fun, and I hope so. Though I am trying to keep my expectations low. I can look forward to University, and driving, and the wonderful life and all the time I have in the world to master all the piano pieces in the world after the next two years. Optimism strikes me now, very timely!

Gotta admit the motivation is running dry for piano.

I just like to do music alchemy (play something out of nothing), or sight read random pop songs or play hymms like the Gloria patri. It's pretty nice, really. The motiff is really catchy actually! ( I hope this doesn't sound wrong). But hey! The Gloria Patri is really really very nice! And yes I was reading stuff like three fold amen as well. No motivation for real solid practice anymore.

Realize I won't be walking up Glory Hill for sometime! Yf is getting stale for me. I don't know why, I don't really look forward to it anymore. (that may be good, I gotta go cold turkey for many things in a while's time!).

After a long hiatus on haphazard Heroes, I started watching Season Four today. Didn't get pass a quarter of an episode I was bored to death. Because Lost is so much better. Trust me, it takes inellectuality (or randomness) to appreciate Lost because it's so darn good! Heroes is watchable and pretty decent material. But what again can survive relativity.

I want to study music theory and composition in army! Okay! random.

Anyway, I shall stop thinking too much. In fact, maybe I shall not think.

*poof*.

reads the banner above *points up* . Neutralizes the effect.

All hail the " I do not think, But I still am". All in case I disappear if I say the wrong thing!

4 more days

I don't like very quantitative statements, but here, four more days (in fact less) to enlistment.

Anyway my results are
Math B
Chem C
Phy C
GP B
Geog D
PW B
Total 70.75/90

I was expecting A for Math, B for double sciences, A for GP and maybe E for Geography because I studied only four days in two years. Honestly I was quite happy for a pass. As for General Paper, I think the vocab section of the comprehension made me slip a grade. I could not get all five. I think I only got two. Essay wise, it was horrid. I thought I did a good job but I was being too pushy and aggressive with my points. The essay topic was on Contemporary music and whether it should qualify as an art (can't remember exact phrasing). I bashed it. =p I quote Mozart and Beethoven and now I feel that it was a very lob sided argument. But B is decent, still.

Math. I wonder what slipped. I was pretty confident for an A, but guess not. I think it's the same old problem of carelessness. Getting one question wrong that everyone gets right slips down even more dramatically in relativity. Not good, so not good.

Double sciences in fact I was confident with my papers. In fact confident to get A/B for both. But I think my SPA died. Very very badly. Remember in 1st year college I burned my organic compound away (which had to be submitted for marks) and wrote my report in haphazard untidy handwriting and drawing tables freehand. Of course, I never studied, resulting in my rock bottom practical scores. So now, I realize my folly but it is too late and that 20 percent is a lot. It's like 4 grades. Despite all that, I still love my Benzene Ring and Organic Chem. Somewhat feel that C doesn't justify my standard. Could be higher.

That's all. I was writing O'level Geography stuff for A'level Geography and I am happy with my D. cause all I did was study four days and whatever came out was different from what I studied. (worst paper in the whole examination by the way).

Still way higher than my EEU/DU in prelims. And I'm gonna apply NTU material engineering.

If I get in, if I'm retaking it's only to satisfy my wounded pride. Now I realize how important practical is, and yeah. If not for screwing my SPA so badly I may not have C's in my report slip at all. Argh! Regret, but it's too late.

The last week

Yesterday was the most traumatizing day ever. I did survive the day, and of course the consequences of the day. It left me thinking. Of course, taking results again was a nerve wrecking experience and I did perform up to my L1R5 standards (based on some vague MOE extrapolation/estimation). But it was still rather mediocre. Most people said it was. It was just not good. And because of that, I'm looking at Ntu's engineering courses now. Business schools are out. Well, every single subject was one grade lower than what I expected. I guess it was possible. The carelessness that killed maths. the 20 percent practical for science which I literally threw away and gave my free marks up. If you flunk at something people get real high marks at, it doesn't really do good when I get seat belted into that curve of relativity! Either way. I don't really know why I need that A's and B's for. I'm not looking to go into Business schools, accountancy doesn't appeal to me. And Law and Medicine way too lofty. Maybe this is where I should appreciate the lack of the freedom of choice. After much consideration, I don't think I'll be posting my grades. I got 70.75/90 for Uni points though. That sounds nice, but it ain't that great after all.

It's been a long day. YF was well, rather depressing because it was my last YF. I was thinking of my results the whole time! Thanks for those who were around to comfort and people who keep telling me my results are quite okay. (I am starting to think they are!). I guess I still have to do Uni Applications in the next few days.

Taking results from a lone desk with Mr Wong sitting there giving his poker face was the worst. Being late register numbered, I was the last few to collect my slip. I saw many slips of doom. Cs, Cs and more Cs, and Ds. All scary! And even worst, some sub passes (that's a fail FYI) on some people's slips. That was indeed scary.

Anyway two nights ago was the best night ever I had!

I have like one week left.

(it's late and my phrasing gets weird. I know)

Ready Unsteady Go

0300 hrs of the dreaded March the 6th. Only a matter of 11 hours and 30 minutes.

I am coming down with a chilly flu. Sore throat, a cough. And I know it's all worth it. Hailing cab midnight in the rain was not exactly bad either.

That's all. I'm tired. Really tired.

The restless mind

Aw. What a restless mind I have this afternoon. Does nothing good but wonder into uncertainty! Flips my mood and sends it oscillating up down up down. I sat down at the piano this afternoon and can't even get my mind down to it. The rationale behind things sudden broke down and I got frustrated and stopped practicing after one hour. How sad. It is said that one should not look for any progress if frequency of practice is too little. That sucks. That means I can only hope to maintain in the next two years. However, this is considered to be least of my worries.

Restless. I can never get my mind down to sight read, nor plow through new material, or even refine any section because my mind is restless and I can't help but worry. I can't concentrate. And there I suddenly found the remedy to the restless mind. Brainless entertainment!

So I went online searching for something nice to watch. I think the next episode of Lost is coming out soon and I am so looking forward to it. I prefer Japanese drama over Korean somehow because I prefer the style and language (albeit gets too fantasy-ish too often). This time, for a change, I watched two episodes of a show titled "Kiina". A detective show about a female detective who has super photographic memory, observant skills and is quite on the emotional side. This series seem to explain things very scientifically. The worst you can get in a detective show is the solution is not convincing at all. That would cause audience to feel cheated, a sense of resentment, or worst, mild anger towards the series and producers. So the solution is of utmost importance. Some I've seen tries to manage a promise they can't keep. The suspense elevates so high and lofty but plummets when they can't upkeep the plot with a reasonable explainable. However, Kiina does that pretty well. The arguments and solutions are reasonable because seemingly they are based on real life things that happen. It's a new drama, I assume because there are only four episodes.

Really helps get my mind off things I don't want to worry about.

Step by step, towards dooms day.

Of all things forbidden

The stress is now distinct and palpable. Today Army reminded me of my involuntary pact with the country via SMS. And of all times, when I just did not want to be reminded. But well, rationalization of fears tells me that I am sick and tired of rotting around. Though there will be a couple of things which I will miss intensely, I shall start to psycho myself into believing it's not too bad.

I did not touch the piano today because there is an urge to make everyday special and memorable now. Piano is fine but there must be a time frame to look to. You don't practice one day and master it the next. One must look at a near future time frame of about 1-2 months to actually work on something. With less than two weeks at hand, the passion is evident but the rationale behind everything suddenly weakens.

I think I'm going down with a flu. And since I'm probably not allowed to, (neither do I want) to blog about today, so there will be nothing else to narrate/post about. Byeeee

The irrelevant post again

I was asleep. Believe me, until I woke up with a bad tummy ache. Consecutive efforts made me use up all the toilet paper there was in one toilet and I had to get reinforcements from downstairs. So abrupt. But now, I am wide awake (more or being startled awake). Not a very pleasant feeling.

Anyway, it's down to twelve days or so. Not a very pleasant feeling either. I'm on gear one on piano again. Barely doing the one-two hours per day survival mode. Can't really feel the urge to catch up on new repertoire and I don't think I will be able to deliver my promise. And I feel very very bad. Suddenly I have so many things to play. I have yet to begin that Pathetique Sonata which I intend to use for exams. But I think it should be quite easy by now. I finished the G flat major etude (at least three quarters up to full speed and memorization) in just two weeks. I know that is fast and I merely practiced it about 30 minutes alone a day. It's not an easy etude but I think I'll manage it just fine. Black key arpeggios. Woots. I can play it totally comfortably and I feel quite happy with my technical "leap". Yes, it's the one Jay chou plays on Secret. The original, full fledged harder version which lasts 1 minute and 40 second on average. Not that it is short, it is being played about three times faster Jay chou plays it. And yea, I reached that speed.

Just when I am making improvements by the leaps and bounds, I have to leave everything aside for awhile. I was watching Liszt Sonata in B minor and Chopin's Scherzo and I think I might be able to attempt then. Etudes no longer seem really very scary. They all seem quite pianistic and comfortable after awhile. (more from a optimistic viewpoint). Though mastering them is another story, or reaching concert standard is also out of reach for now. I take solace in being able to play what I want to play. Having more or less, the freedom of control I want. Though that is a very ambitious goal for now, I am also appreciating my improving other skills such as memorizing and sight reading. I think learning an entire etude in two weeks plus is a feat that demands certain amount of celebration.

My La Campanella is back after one week or so of being stuck in the snow. For that one week, whenever I play it, my forearm aches and tenses a lot. Now it's back to the relaxed mode again. Though I never consistently got to the end without tension at all, it is a first step because I can play through most of it without tension now. I don't know why. I never changed anything and only leave it aside to rest for sometime.

Yes. lack of repertoire is really sad. Maybe when I have the time I shall dig some Chopin Waltz. Maybe easier Beethoven Sonatas should be nice as well.