I never thought I could type so fast on messenger that it literally lagged.
Anyway, what happened to that "Without faltering, without stumbling". In a few days (actually two), which translates to approximately 48 hours, the gates open. I thought I would have given it all, I thought I would have ran with all my strength for this last lap. turned out otherwise. I am left huffing and puffing at the last lap. The lack of energy is inexorable, but yet what hinders progress to a larger extent is the lack of motivation. "Let's just get it done", "Smile, the paper would be noob friendly","even if you die, there's still the holidays to party!", all form of pseudo-optimism starts billowing like tsunami waves. Suffocated, goaded by these urges, and eventually I gave way. One week of half slacking, and half hearted revision. Timely.
I was greeted by a rude knock at the door. My dad was telling me off. " Don't play the piano so much ". Yes I know, I had been escaping to the piano recently. 30 minutes of reading notes, then off the more notes (no pun intended). I was doodling away at Fantasie Impromptu. Yes I just started learning today and I am one and a half page memorized and at almost full speed. (I personally think that is too fast). I think my dad noticed. How could it be possible to accomplish so much in one day. The only reason-I haven't been studying.
Yes I know, two more days. I can still start studying geography (or for that matter, start building up on that foundation which was lacking all the time), I can read GP, I can do wonders with two days. But what now, where's the motivation. I think some people are having high hopes of my A levels. No, don't. Please don't.
My Dad asked me, "prepared already?" I was about to quote C.C.Colton, " Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer.".
See, I've been blogging more. It tells you where (insert arbitrary time frame) had gone to. Defenestrated. Yes, out of the window, into windows XP.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Restless
C'mon. I have no mood to study anymore. so hurry up just end this. C'mon, time move faster.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Stage flight
Even the most palpable fear can be suppressed, rationalized and controlled.
I just returned from Yong's violin 'mini recital" at the kindergarten. Ye was doing the set up, while I was just doodling around (when I should be studying). Eventually, I sat with Ye who was doing the PA system for Yong's performance (because they had this special violin microphone and the piano/violin volumes have to be adjusted, with the piano made softer). The long awaited 01900Hrs arrived, the ceremony commenced, and the guests, parents, children were swamping against golden barricades of silence.
It was a long wait, I would say, because I had my bag loaded with a stash of Gp content waiting to be unveiled and absorbed post performance whereby Ye would have fulfilled his duty and business and the uneasy fear and stress for my little brother would vanish. My heart was racing, not me on the stage, but somehow I just feel pressurized. I'm so rooting for him that probably I definitely do not want him to break down nor perform badly. At such a tender age, performing pieces quite advanced (for his age), is something definitely inexorably fear inducing.
Sadly, my dad did NOT take any video. The sole reason (lame one), was that there were professionals doing the video job, so there will be a DVD out (of the entire ceremony) post concert. Thus, we would eventually get a professional rendition of the performance. However, I am baffled by such logic because more often than not, such formats, are complicated to edit, and extract for simple purposes like posting on youtube (and subsequently, my blog). Eventually, when I have more time on my hands, I will get down to it. Not now, I hope.
He played three pieces, " Old Joe Clark, Sweet Lorraine and Rumba ", all of ABRSM grade 3 standard. It is directly from the syllabus (however, all from the contemporary section). Only having played one year, I think it was no easy feat. Especially for someone of 6 years of age. Yang played the piano accompaniment, kudos to his effort too. Post PSLE kids are certainly as free as the bird. This somewhat invokes envy within me.
The first piece, somewhat sounded muffled. It sounded as if it was trapped in fear. I think violinist have it worst. If they're intimidated to play in front of a crowd, it is pretty evident in the sound produced. His hands were probably trembling, if could somewhat image it from the sound. the contours of the music somewhat maps the image in his mind. The sounds, became more resplendent after the first piece. The second piece and third were his more favourite (up the sleeves) ones. I feel abashed to be unable to match music/melody to piece title despite living in the same house and hearing those three pieces repeated a trillion times. I know one of them, but the other two, I somehow get confused. It went well, the 2nd and the 3rd with the confidence going a new notches up each subsequent piece
I left, heaved a sigh of relief for them. Went off to some obscure corner to read my notes.
Somewhat, there is a fire within me to perform. Hiding in the closet is something a music student should never do. Oh wait, do I even consider myself a student of music (apparently not). Neither do I consider myself a pianist in any manner. Is it time for some private partying after A'levels. That might be good motivation!
It's time to end this. Once and for all. As Albert Einstein puts it, "The only thing that interferes with my learning is education". And in his words again " It is a miracle that curiosity survives Education". I'm finally making my way out of the door, the entire dark abysmal labyrinth, (hopefully not into another labyrinth, or worst, hell).
I just returned from Yong's violin 'mini recital" at the kindergarten. Ye was doing the set up, while I was just doodling around (when I should be studying). Eventually, I sat with Ye who was doing the PA system for Yong's performance (because they had this special violin microphone and the piano/violin volumes have to be adjusted, with the piano made softer). The long awaited 01900Hrs arrived, the ceremony commenced, and the guests, parents, children were swamping against golden barricades of silence.
It was a long wait, I would say, because I had my bag loaded with a stash of Gp content waiting to be unveiled and absorbed post performance whereby Ye would have fulfilled his duty and business and the uneasy fear and stress for my little brother would vanish. My heart was racing, not me on the stage, but somehow I just feel pressurized. I'm so rooting for him that probably I definitely do not want him to break down nor perform badly. At such a tender age, performing pieces quite advanced (for his age), is something definitely inexorably fear inducing.
Sadly, my dad did NOT take any video. The sole reason (lame one), was that there were professionals doing the video job, so there will be a DVD out (of the entire ceremony) post concert. Thus, we would eventually get a professional rendition of the performance. However, I am baffled by such logic because more often than not, such formats, are complicated to edit, and extract for simple purposes like posting on youtube (and subsequently, my blog). Eventually, when I have more time on my hands, I will get down to it. Not now, I hope.
He played three pieces, " Old Joe Clark, Sweet Lorraine and Rumba ", all of ABRSM grade 3 standard. It is directly from the syllabus (however, all from the contemporary section). Only having played one year, I think it was no easy feat. Especially for someone of 6 years of age. Yang played the piano accompaniment, kudos to his effort too. Post PSLE kids are certainly as free as the bird. This somewhat invokes envy within me.
The first piece, somewhat sounded muffled. It sounded as if it was trapped in fear. I think violinist have it worst. If they're intimidated to play in front of a crowd, it is pretty evident in the sound produced. His hands were probably trembling, if could somewhat image it from the sound. the contours of the music somewhat maps the image in his mind. The sounds, became more resplendent after the first piece. The second piece and third were his more favourite (up the sleeves) ones. I feel abashed to be unable to match music/melody to piece title despite living in the same house and hearing those three pieces repeated a trillion times. I know one of them, but the other two, I somehow get confused. It went well, the 2nd and the 3rd with the confidence going a new notches up each subsequent piece
I left, heaved a sigh of relief for them. Went off to some obscure corner to read my notes.
Somewhat, there is a fire within me to perform. Hiding in the closet is something a music student should never do. Oh wait, do I even consider myself a student of music (apparently not). Neither do I consider myself a pianist in any manner. Is it time for some private partying after A'levels. That might be good motivation!
It's time to end this. Once and for all. As Albert Einstein puts it, "The only thing that interferes with my learning is education". And in his words again " It is a miracle that curiosity survives Education". I'm finally making my way out of the door, the entire dark abysmal labyrinth, (hopefully not into another labyrinth, or worst, hell).
The reason why
I've actually begun thinking about where all those wasted time have gone to.
And I came to one big enlightenment.
One episode of Korean drama (beethoven virus) is one hour and 15 minutes long. So much for underestimating, and thinking all dramas should be 45 minutes long. No wonder, the experience was so perpetual.
I'm really going to study today. geog and gp! I'll take it paper by paper, one paper at a time. I hope I'm ready. Wavering confidence, again. Therefore, I have to study hard today.
Tonight is Tay Yong's first ever violin 'performance' at the kindergarten graduation. I think videos will be out, (I hope I don't suffer some guilt-based disease soon). I hope I'll manage to record my La Campanella soon. HAHA
And I came to one big enlightenment.
One episode of Korean drama (beethoven virus) is one hour and 15 minutes long. So much for underestimating, and thinking all dramas should be 45 minutes long. No wonder, the experience was so perpetual.
I'm really going to study today. geog and gp! I'll take it paper by paper, one paper at a time. I hope I'm ready. Wavering confidence, again. Therefore, I have to study hard today.
Tonight is Tay Yong's first ever violin 'performance' at the kindergarten graduation. I think videos will be out, (I hope I don't suffer some guilt-based disease soon). I hope I'll manage to record my La Campanella soon. HAHA
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
What it all means to me
Am I so jaded to be sitting around doing nothing the entire day?
I've lost my resolution, my aim, and my focus. Let's just say, I am sitting duck, waiting for some sort of invigoration. (which will be either too late or not coming). The sad thing about me is that realization never arrives early, and even if it does, it's the wrong one.
I was in a state of vertigo this afternoon, not of high intensity, (thus, not worth the effort mitigating or whatsoever). I think it was due to the lack of sufficient good sleep. Sleep that does not rejuvenate, yes it was more of "unconscious doodling". I finally pushed myself (from the depths of the unconscious) to wake up at close to 10am this morning. Yes, I missed Daddy's express, but I got to church by bus.
I've learn how to tolerate today. Some pungent, putrid presence can be fairly annoying , however, remobilization was quixotic so much that I had to learn what is usually known as tolerance. . There are people whom you cannot get along with, fine, but for now, let me give up my pugnacity. I retreat, I give way.
There are so many things I want to do in 20 days time. The countdown target has shifted itself. Not to the beginning but the end. The wise saying goes, "begin with the end in mind", (where is this from? will some one enlighten me?). In a couple of days, all studying will cease as we gear up to walk into that hall of a medley of opponents. I would say with this modicum of time remaining, I will try to throughly enjoy studying. There is no other opportunity in the close future that provides such conducive environment for brain tuning. The days behind the wall in front will serve as an appropriate mirage for now.
I'm not screaming in agony. Neither am I overwhelmed with joy. Push us forward, oh time. Just move ahead!
I've lost my resolution, my aim, and my focus. Let's just say, I am sitting duck, waiting for some sort of invigoration. (which will be either too late or not coming). The sad thing about me is that realization never arrives early, and even if it does, it's the wrong one.
I was in a state of vertigo this afternoon, not of high intensity, (thus, not worth the effort mitigating or whatsoever). I think it was due to the lack of sufficient good sleep. Sleep that does not rejuvenate, yes it was more of "unconscious doodling". I finally pushed myself (from the depths of the unconscious) to wake up at close to 10am this morning. Yes, I missed Daddy's express, but I got to church by bus.
I've learn how to tolerate today. Some pungent, putrid presence can be fairly annoying , however, remobilization was quixotic so much that I had to learn what is usually known as tolerance. . There are people whom you cannot get along with, fine, but for now, let me give up my pugnacity. I retreat, I give way.
There are so many things I want to do in 20 days time. The countdown target has shifted itself. Not to the beginning but the end. The wise saying goes, "begin with the end in mind", (where is this from? will some one enlighten me?). In a couple of days, all studying will cease as we gear up to walk into that hall of a medley of opponents. I would say with this modicum of time remaining, I will try to throughly enjoy studying. There is no other opportunity in the close future that provides such conducive environment for brain tuning. The days behind the wall in front will serve as an appropriate mirage for now.
I'm not screaming in agony. Neither am I overwhelmed with joy. Push us forward, oh time. Just move ahead!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
LALALALALA
It's about time. The time whereby the illusion of solace augmentation morphs into real pandemonium. The sinuous path is finally resolving, but the days of solemnity ahead are dreadful.
At such a critical point, where some of the population are wallowing in a remorseful, solicitous state of oscillating confidence/fear, while some are all set to go. I find myself tossed right in the middle, in an aberrant point, i.e, I am currently very bothered about the fact that I have just drank red bull and might not make it to dreamland anytime soon. What aggravates the situation is the fact that I have to wake up at 0800 hrs to catch daddy's express to church to study. Miss that, and I'm bound for a day of sloth, at home.
My body clock is malfunctioning. I wake up at 10-11 in the morning.(sleep around 2am) If this keeps up, I'll be all set to go-and miss that morning paper I have next week.
Second worrying point-My heroes episode is buffering very slowly (now that word makes me go nausea thinking of buffering capacities, buffer solutions, and blood that induces great vertigo!).
Third-I've been still slacking.
May fear actuate me. And may I adhere with great alacrity to what I abhor.
I actually found myself reading lame stuff over wiki yesterday. From reading on mathematical history ( I don't remember any names here, it was a nauseating ride because I could barely relate to whatever the article was preaching). And then from a series of links I found myself stumbling across a quote " I think, therefore I am", ~Descartes. which is pretty lame. Why do philosophers have so much time on their hands to the extent whereby they have to prove their own existence?
I think perhaps philosophers are people who think too much. they STONE too much. As a result, we get the "Philosopher's Stone". And now I've proven some brain damage in me. Ah crap.
C'mon people. Sing the ABC song with me.
A
B
C
D
E
S
U
!!!
ROAR
At such a critical point, where some of the population are wallowing in a remorseful, solicitous state of oscillating confidence/fear, while some are all set to go. I find myself tossed right in the middle, in an aberrant point, i.e, I am currently very bothered about the fact that I have just drank red bull and might not make it to dreamland anytime soon. What aggravates the situation is the fact that I have to wake up at 0800 hrs to catch daddy's express to church to study. Miss that, and I'm bound for a day of sloth, at home.
My body clock is malfunctioning. I wake up at 10-11 in the morning.(sleep around 2am) If this keeps up, I'll be all set to go-and miss that morning paper I have next week.
Second worrying point-My heroes episode is buffering very slowly (now that word makes me go nausea thinking of buffering capacities, buffer solutions, and blood that induces great vertigo!).
Third-I've been still slacking.
May fear actuate me. And may I adhere with great alacrity to what I abhor.
I actually found myself reading lame stuff over wiki yesterday. From reading on mathematical history ( I don't remember any names here, it was a nauseating ride because I could barely relate to whatever the article was preaching). And then from a series of links I found myself stumbling across a quote " I think, therefore I am", ~Descartes. which is pretty lame. Why do philosophers have so much time on their hands to the extent whereby they have to prove their own existence?
I think perhaps philosophers are people who think too much. they STONE too much. As a result, we get the "Philosopher's Stone". And now I've proven some brain damage in me. Ah crap.
C'mon people. Sing the ABC song with me.
A
B
C
D
E
S
U
!!!
ROAR
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Life in narrative again
I would say today was one of the days that was slightly more unusual. The humdrum nature of life before A'levels is no joke. I was severely goaded by my inner laziness till I practically studied nothing today. Not even take out a book.
My mum's birthday today. And hence, we went out to celebrate at this rather foreign location-"Vivocity" This location is somewhere out of the parameters of where I consider home. After all, it is about a 45 minute drive away, which earns it it's classification of being remote, and at the peripherals of my comfort zone. Certainly, though it was definitely Singapore, it felt so foreign. Apart from getting the groceries or having a meal, I wonder why the majority of people are wasting their time patrolling/patronizing. Simply strolling, and randomly walking into shops. And this so called, "window shopping", is pretty pointless. Vivocity is pretty much a labyrinth (of nightmare), the place is so huge, flaunted with shops that have "vanity" written all over them. Honestly, vivacity at the expense of sanity.
However, I had to accede to the plan. After all, it's mum's birthday. Real chinese restaurant food is delicious too. Thus, it was not much of an abnegation of freedom, obligation or whatsoever. I sincerely wanted to be there to celebrate. (and because I wanted an excuse to not study). Given a choice, walking about in vivocity is something I would not have done in normal circumstances. I abhor, I detest it. If there is something to be accomplished, let it be done. But if it's plain zombie walk, I'd rather sleep walk, or walk off a cliff.
Whatever I say, I know my opinions are indeed (by default) in a state of challenge from and by the whole world. Nothing will levitate me beyond this acclivity. An uphill task that I will not even attempt. (nor bother to)
Another matter which I cannot leave without some childish callow. I've been reading up on games, and in fact, somewhat of toying with the idea of buying a Wii after A'levels. I have months, to play after A'levels, without any hint of chemistry or physics. (and geog!). As I read up on games I stumbled on what they call, " Wii Music". A very classy, sassy name indeed. Curious, I read more. An conductor like game (with tons of instruments, settings and modes). However, what is disturbingly is the default "music" which comes with the games. Granted, they did have Beethoven but it was a miserable 3-4 tracks of his more popular symphonies. More, in fact, much more had brought me to further deprecation.
Several pop songs were tossed in at the expense of real music. This game does not deserve to call itself Wii Music without Chopin, Rachmaninov or Liszt. And where's Mozart, Bach, Handel, Mendelssohn, Schuman, Schubert, Tchaikovsky etc... There's no hint of them! I'm so not buying that game no matter how well constructed it might seem. It has indeed severely offended me.
However, it is understandable why Nintendo's own music takes up about 50% out of the very limited arsenal of songs. It is understandable. But still, sigh. Just when I thought Nintendo (which I loved during childhood by the way), is finally intellectually competent to come out with something worth of appreciation in rival to the whole guitar hero trash series, it disappoints me. It plummets my hope rock bottom.
And yes, enlistment date is March 13th.
My mum's birthday today. And hence, we went out to celebrate at this rather foreign location-"Vivocity" This location is somewhere out of the parameters of where I consider home. After all, it is about a 45 minute drive away, which earns it it's classification of being remote, and at the peripherals of my comfort zone. Certainly, though it was definitely Singapore, it felt so foreign. Apart from getting the groceries or having a meal, I wonder why the majority of people are wasting their time patrolling/patronizing. Simply strolling, and randomly walking into shops. And this so called, "window shopping", is pretty pointless. Vivocity is pretty much a labyrinth (of nightmare), the place is so huge, flaunted with shops that have "vanity" written all over them. Honestly, vivacity at the expense of sanity.
However, I had to accede to the plan. After all, it's mum's birthday. Real chinese restaurant food is delicious too. Thus, it was not much of an abnegation of freedom, obligation or whatsoever. I sincerely wanted to be there to celebrate. (and because I wanted an excuse to not study). Given a choice, walking about in vivocity is something I would not have done in normal circumstances. I abhor, I detest it. If there is something to be accomplished, let it be done. But if it's plain zombie walk, I'd rather sleep walk, or walk off a cliff.
Whatever I say, I know my opinions are indeed (by default) in a state of challenge from and by the whole world. Nothing will levitate me beyond this acclivity. An uphill task that I will not even attempt. (nor bother to)
Another matter which I cannot leave without some childish callow. I've been reading up on games, and in fact, somewhat of toying with the idea of buying a Wii after A'levels. I have months, to play after A'levels, without any hint of chemistry or physics. (and geog!). As I read up on games I stumbled on what they call, " Wii Music". A very classy, sassy name indeed. Curious, I read more. An conductor like game (with tons of instruments, settings and modes). However, what is disturbingly is the default "music" which comes with the games. Granted, they did have Beethoven but it was a miserable 3-4 tracks of his more popular symphonies. More, in fact, much more had brought me to further deprecation.
Several pop songs were tossed in at the expense of real music. This game does not deserve to call itself Wii Music without Chopin, Rachmaninov or Liszt. And where's Mozart, Bach, Handel, Mendelssohn, Schuman, Schubert, Tchaikovsky etc... There's no hint of them! I'm so not buying that game no matter how well constructed it might seem. It has indeed severely offended me.
However, it is understandable why Nintendo's own music takes up about 50% out of the very limited arsenal of songs. It is understandable. But still, sigh. Just when I thought Nintendo (which I loved during childhood by the way), is finally intellectually competent to come out with something worth of appreciation in rival to the whole guitar hero trash series, it disappoints me. It plummets my hope rock bottom.
And yes, enlistment date is March 13th.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Slacking in Sobriety?
I hope I am not having a surfeit of slack time here. I've been staying up wallowing in drama.
"Beethoven Virus", a Korean drama, sadly, did not fail to draw my attention. The first Kdrama I have ever stumbled across, and let me be honest about the fact that I am surprised how rough and gentle the language can be at the same time. I am baffled by how people have actually said Japanese and Korean sounds identical. IMO, The Japanese and Korean language are world's apart. To differentiate them requires as muchmathematical skill as distinguishing between English and Chinese.
To cut the story short, I was honestly appalled by the first episode. (especially the electric violin rendition of Beethoven's Pathetique's third movement which seems to me like the theme music of the drama). The episode seems too haphazard, too lack of direction, and too belittling of classical music. Bluntly, just any crappy drama which makes use of a theme to captivate, yet ain't able to perform up to standards. That was how I felt. But I was relieved to find out I was wrong.
Not a very good start, but the plot gets a lot better. I've watched till episode 5 (with subs), and I am feeling very uncomfortable about the fact that I am unable to watch episode 6 (as there aren't subs). Hello! It's Korean here, I can't understand without the subtitles!
http://www.mysoju.com/beethoven-virus/
(Yes, since you can't save excess time, and even in that case, the bank may still collapse on us, so why not just spend it?). Don't worry, there's still somewhat of a romance plot, somewhat of comedic relief. Rest assured as they will not drown with Beethoven's music, or the seemingly soporific classical music that is perceived as dingy, more often than not by the vortex of modernization-influenced minds. ) And I can be pretty sure no one is going to click on the link and watch it, so much for advertising. Don't worry, there's this cute babe and hot dude, and perhaps this eccentric conductor to keep everyone entertained. Yes, I hope, for both genders. For those sitting on the fence, maybe you can just listen to the music. So far, I've heard William Tell's Overture and Libertango.
Ah yes. Midnight again. I have to find some solace in the bed. It is so appalling to find myself studying ACJC's geography notes AND to find about a neat 80& of the content not understandable.(or maybe, unheard of) Though this h1 content subject have been tossed into the realms of neglectful intention for a long period of time, I had made sure I "kept up with the times". I know what is needed to be known, but I just have not had those blanks filled in my head. Trust me, I believe there is something wrong with them or us. Either way, we will soon find out.
I have really been slacking big time. In sobriety? I certainly hope so. I have two booklets filled with juicy GP content. An A will be waiting, I hope. Dig those treasures, and sell the jewels, it's just standard procedure. That's all. ( though I might still get robbed along the way).
I think there's no limit to how much we can memorize. Our minds are of an infinite gigabytes worth of storage space. However, there is a restrain in the dimension of time. How much can we fit in per day and how long will it stay there.
I actually spent my evening not studying but at YF alive, which subsequently led to a chain reaction of slacking. (I've accomplished nothing the whole night), it was fun, but however, de-stress is not particularly on my list. I think I need to find ways to get stressed (again).
"Beethoven Virus", a Korean drama, sadly, did not fail to draw my attention. The first Kdrama I have ever stumbled across, and let me be honest about the fact that I am surprised how rough and gentle the language can be at the same time. I am baffled by how people have actually said Japanese and Korean sounds identical. IMO, The Japanese and Korean language are world's apart. To differentiate them requires as much
To cut the story short, I was honestly appalled by the first episode. (especially the electric violin rendition of Beethoven's Pathetique's third movement which seems to me like the theme music of the drama). The episode seems too haphazard, too lack of direction, and too belittling of classical music. Bluntly, just any crappy drama which makes use of a theme to captivate, yet ain't able to perform up to standards. That was how I felt. But I was relieved to find out I was wrong.
Not a very good start, but the plot gets a lot better. I've watched till episode 5 (with subs), and I am feeling very uncomfortable about the fact that I am unable to watch episode 6 (as there aren't subs). Hello! It's Korean here, I can't understand without the subtitles!
http://www.mysoju.com/beethoven-virus/
(Yes, since you can't save excess time, and even in that case, the bank may still collapse on us, so why not just spend it?). Don't worry, there's still somewhat of a romance plot, somewhat of comedic relief. Rest assured as they will not drown with Beethoven's music, or the seemingly soporific classical music that is perceived as dingy, more often than not by the vortex of modernization-influenced minds. ) And I can be pretty sure no one is going to click on the link and watch it, so much for advertising. Don't worry, there's this cute babe and hot dude, and perhaps this eccentric conductor to keep everyone entertained. Yes, I hope, for both genders. For those sitting on the fence, maybe you can just listen to the music. So far, I've heard William Tell's Overture and Libertango.
Ah yes. Midnight again. I have to find some solace in the bed. It is so appalling to find myself studying ACJC's geography notes AND to find about a neat 80& of the content not understandable.(or maybe, unheard of) Though this h1 content subject have been tossed into the realms of neglectful intention for a long period of time, I had made sure I "kept up with the times". I know what is needed to be known, but I just have not had those blanks filled in my head. Trust me, I believe there is something wrong with them or us. Either way, we will soon find out.
I have really been slacking big time. In sobriety? I certainly hope so. I have two booklets filled with juicy GP content. An A will be waiting, I hope. Dig those treasures, and sell the jewels, it's just standard procedure. That's all. ( though I might still get robbed along the way).
I think there's no limit to how much we can memorize. Our minds are of an infinite gigabytes worth of storage space. However, there is a restrain in the dimension of time. How much can we fit in per day and how long will it stay there.
I actually spent my evening not studying but at YF alive, which subsequently led to a chain reaction of slacking. (I've accomplished nothing the whole night), it was fun, but however, de-stress is not particularly on my list. I think I need to find ways to get stressed (again).
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Flo_oded mind
I have been relentlessly harassed by mosquitoes. These bloody suckers refuse to leave me. My blood ain't sweet. Or perhaps they are at the brink of death that they have to resort to drink such unhealthy blood. bloody mosquitoes, scram!
The piano room is infested with mosquitoes and creepy crawlies. Only at the point whereby I am totally absorbed in the playing can I feel temporal immunity to the itch. (more often than not, playing the last section of little bells) because I feel that the mosquitoes can't fly fast enough to bite my arms. Take that, moving food, how's that sound.
I spent the day studying geography. I am not at the level of mugging. no where close. At this point, it's not about how much I study anymore, it's about what I studying coming out. Yes, that's right, sum it up to one word-the insane legendary ability of spotting. A leopard never change it's spots! And a smart person never stops spotting! (ok I added that cheesy line myself) Oh well. You might just see me pissed if the thing I spot doesn't come out. I'm going to slot in some GP. Well, you might just find me trying to fluff some philosophical garbage that day. Trust me, I can go on a frenzy on the simplest, most unimaginable stuff. (it's just I have been abstaining usually).
Geography is driving me nuts. It's not that there is a lot to study. Memorizing has never been a problem (in fact, it is supposed to be my forte). Memorization is the easy part. Right now, I am faced with two horrible problems. I am maladroit at what you call making words legible. In other words, examiners are going to be unhappy the moment they see my script. It's a handicap, I have to bear with it. No choice, I have to transcend beyond my level because it is virtually impossible to write neatly ( at least to me ), People say it's about attitude and I vehemently disagree. Ever heard of "old habits die hard", I've been writing like that since day one. I've never practiced writing slowly (lack of slow practice), and now it's all in a mess. Want to change that? Tell you I think a million kilojoules of energy is required to do that.
I cannot believe that the geog notes is full (in fact full, is an understatement, but nothing transcends beyond full, an absolute word), of grammar mistakes, phrasing mistakes, and all sorts of spelling mistakes. It is horrible to the extent that it is laughable. It's like studying for geog, and in the process, get a terrible headache. I simply cannot endure glaring grammar mistakes!). They piss me off so badly.
The piano room is infested with mosquitoes and creepy crawlies. Only at the point whereby I am totally absorbed in the playing can I feel temporal immunity to the itch. (more often than not, playing the last section of little bells) because I feel that the mosquitoes can't fly fast enough to bite my arms. Take that, moving food, how's that sound.
I spent the day studying geography. I am not at the level of mugging. no where close. At this point, it's not about how much I study anymore, it's about what I studying coming out. Yes, that's right, sum it up to one word-the insane legendary ability of spotting. A leopard never change it's spots! And a smart person never stops spotting! (ok I added that cheesy line myself) Oh well. You might just see me pissed if the thing I spot doesn't come out. I'm going to slot in some GP. Well, you might just find me trying to fluff some philosophical garbage that day. Trust me, I can go on a frenzy on the simplest, most unimaginable stuff. (it's just I have been abstaining usually).
Geography is driving me nuts. It's not that there is a lot to study. Memorizing has never been a problem (in fact, it is supposed to be my forte). Memorization is the easy part. Right now, I am faced with two horrible problems. I am maladroit at what you call making words legible. In other words, examiners are going to be unhappy the moment they see my script. It's a handicap, I have to bear with it. No choice, I have to transcend beyond my level because it is virtually impossible to write neatly ( at least to me ), People say it's about attitude and I vehemently disagree. Ever heard of "old habits die hard", I've been writing like that since day one. I've never practiced writing slowly (lack of slow practice), and now it's all in a mess. Want to change that? Tell you I think a million kilojoules of energy is required to do that.
I cannot believe that the geog notes is full (in fact full, is an understatement, but nothing transcends beyond full, an absolute word), of grammar mistakes, phrasing mistakes, and all sorts of spelling mistakes. It is horrible to the extent that it is laughable. It's like studying for geog, and in the process, get a terrible headache. I simply cannot endure glaring grammar mistakes!). They piss me off so badly.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Blehhhhh
Hurry up and get this over and done with.
Studying took an abeyance today. I did zero work! Tomorrow I'll have to start studying geog for once. Exam timetable ain't favorable after all. I've been doodling, drama, prison break, heroes (the usual weekly dosage that gets me high!). And then Nodame Cantabile's second Paris season! (only two episodes only so far). Watched some drama here and there. In the name of fatigue, I guess I slacked too much. It's still quite a long way ahead. (about one month to the finish line), the real last lap is here. Buckle up.
Piano. Yes. I've officially memorized the entire little bell etude. (I somehow prefer to call it by it's nickname). (of mass destruction). I'm entertaining myself with the 6th Paganini etude. Now this one is a lot tougher than it seems. In the first two pages alone there are 1 1/2 octave spreads, and in the 2nd page (only), 4 vs 3 timing. Oh and, My bro is performing violin (the littlest one), on his kindergarten graduation. Ahhh, violin. I think it's way harder than piano.
It's time to turn the switch for that 10pm-8am thing. I have to get used to it, whether I like it or not.
Studying took an abeyance today. I did zero work! Tomorrow I'll have to start studying geog for once. Exam timetable ain't favorable after all. I've been doodling, drama, prison break, heroes (the usual weekly dosage that gets me high!). And then Nodame Cantabile's second Paris season! (only two episodes only so far). Watched some drama here and there. In the name of fatigue, I guess I slacked too much. It's still quite a long way ahead. (about one month to the finish line), the real last lap is here. Buckle up.
Piano. Yes. I've officially memorized the entire little bell etude. (I somehow prefer to call it by it's nickname). (of mass destruction). I'm entertaining myself with the 6th Paganini etude. Now this one is a lot tougher than it seems. In the first two pages alone there are 1 1/2 octave spreads, and in the 2nd page (only), 4 vs 3 timing. Oh and, My bro is performing violin (the littlest one), on his kindergarten graduation. Ahhh, violin. I think it's way harder than piano.
It's time to turn the switch for that 10pm-8am thing. I have to get used to it, whether I like it or not.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Uncertainty
Certainty comes from the elimination of all the million fragments of uncertainty. Coping with the vague uncertainty is tough, really.
I'm not really working very hard now. Been slacking, letting the overwhelming cycles of inevitable slack-guilt. I have to resume work very soon. Guilt will catch up once as time remaining tends towards zero.
I'm not really working very hard now. Been slacking, letting the overwhelming cycles of inevitable slack-guilt. I have to resume work very soon. Guilt will catch up once as time remaining tends towards zero.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Clock strikes Alevels (soon)
I am left distracted, annoyed, perplexed. A maelstrom of internal affairs occurred within me that I believe that it would be a hassle to explain.
Right now, I am full of creative energy. I either want to compose, or continue my novel. How many times have I scrapped my novel, and how many times must I learn that my English is not proficient enough to maintain a novel without boring readers with the one word-use-many-times phenomenon. (which is pretty evident).
I am composing now. And my piece will start with a 4,5 thrill. How amusing.
Right now, I am full of creative energy. I either want to compose, or continue my novel. How many times have I scrapped my novel, and how many times must I learn that my English is not proficient enough to maintain a novel without boring readers with the one word-use-many-times phenomenon. (which is pretty evident).
I am composing now. And my piece will start with a 4,5 thrill. How amusing.
Monday, October 13, 2008
ZZZZ
I thought it was time to regain some stamina so I've been going for night sprints. And then, I stepped on a snail. Poor snail. While running my warm up route I squatted down to tie shoe laces and then I found a snail besides me. I told myself, "oh gotta be careful when I really run later!". And then as I was running at the 2Km mark, I felt something beneath my feet. Something hard got squashed beneath my feet and I was absolutely sure it was the snail. Poor thing. I felt horrible, really.
but it was dark. Sorry yea.
but it was dark. Sorry yea.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
LLALAA
I ended up studying math today. I think if there's only one subject to get A now, it would be math. Though, I'm still relatively noob, it has significantly higher chances than other subjects I would say. I think I will promise myself not to sleep late anymore. (I woke up at noon today!)
And there's this anticipation for the duo release of the weekly dose of prison break and heroes. I am so excited (and I have no idea why).
I don't really have much to blog about. I wasn't kidding about the HR(II). LOL
And there's this anticipation for the duo release of the weekly dose of prison break and heroes. I am so excited (and I have no idea why).
I don't really have much to blog about. I wasn't kidding about the HR(II). LOL
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Number two
I have about four more days to study physics. Then off to one week of math, then 4 days of geog and about 1 week of buffer days to polish up everything.
And first, these little bells, and now HR(II), I think I'm crazy. Don't worry, I'm only meddling. I was never taught to not play with fire. Opps.
And first, these little bells, and now HR(II), I think I'm crazy. Don't worry, I'm only meddling. I was never taught to not play with fire. Opps.
Friday, October 10, 2008
ZZZZ
I've reached a point whereby it's not about fun, not about the stress or anything else. It's about getting it over and done with. The point where I just want it all to end. Yes, I did say I cannot imagine life after "death". Or rather, I couldn't see the point of a few weeks of holidays loosely put together. I have finally put together a post exams schedule.
There is no sentosa for me, for the sole reason that everyone would have gone there like a thousand times while I finish my exams. I am not sulking, really, I'm not. Let's see. There's a few titles on DS which I want to play, well, shoots myself for being such a geek. I WILL refine the little bell of mass destruction, along with meddle with another million things I want to play. There's nothing much after that, perhaps read some manga, explore the realms of anime and drama (which amazingly can keep one intrigued for hours..). I will rediscover naruto, and bleach, perhaps.
It's just five more weeks, to the end. and three more weeks to the beginning of it. I am currently at the point where by there is null force acting on me. I am equally inclined to studying as well as wanting A's to just end. I feel so "afloat" right now that it disturbs me. The point of neutrality whereby it just stinks to be looking into the bleak future.
There is no sentosa for me, for the sole reason that everyone would have gone there like a thousand times while I finish my exams. I am not sulking, really, I'm not. Let's see. There's a few titles on DS which I want to play, well, shoots myself for being such a geek. I WILL refine the little bell of mass destruction, along with meddle with another million things I want to play. There's nothing much after that, perhaps read some manga, explore the realms of anime and drama (which amazingly can keep one intrigued for hours..). I will rediscover naruto, and bleach, perhaps.
It's just five more weeks, to the end. and three more weeks to the beginning of it. I am currently at the point where by there is null force acting on me. I am equally inclined to studying as well as wanting A's to just end. I feel so "afloat" right now that it disturbs me. The point of neutrality whereby it just stinks to be looking into the bleak future.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
X_x
Have to admit that after a whole week of doing chemistry, switching to physics is sure tough. I am not here to callow about the shortage of time, the influx of fatigue, or the piling workload, or maybe the relentless guilt that arises from being here in the first place to blog.
It finally occurred to me that I actually do have something like a holidays after A's. Yes, two weeks. That's all before I fly to Japan for a week (kind of looking forward to it anyway, in a different way though), and then upon returning that would be YF camp that would last about a week. What's left is probably another 2-3 weeks before January start and I will probably enlist (sadly). My letter's not here yet, I dread the thought, but still, there isn't much of a choice. April of January, doesn't really affect me. Perhaps I will temporarily be happier, if I go in April, because holidays are longer.
There isn't much to do, to play, to set myself up for, after this A's. It's after all, a holiday spanning a couple of weeks. Purely speaking, a month, with all the events coming up. There's no way I was going to like hey sign up for something new and get my feet wet in every single thing I ever wanted to try. Post O's was like that, it was about 2-3 months of holidays, but I did not make full use of it, sadly.
Probably what I will do is just to rest, slack, and have fun. I will perhaps glue my hands to the keys for many hours, and then slack off the remaining time. Fortunately, I am not the type of person inclined to outdoor outings and activities. Sentosa is not my cup of tea, worst still, it could be detergent to me. Not my type of fun. Thankfully, I am not polarized for the 11th October sentosa outing who some people "inconsiderately" organized.
One consolation is that O'level people end only about a week earlier than us. So we do not feel like the last aliens on earth studying for two weeks.
I'm staying at home today.
It finally occurred to me that I actually do have something like a holidays after A's. Yes, two weeks. That's all before I fly to Japan for a week (kind of looking forward to it anyway, in a different way though), and then upon returning that would be YF camp that would last about a week. What's left is probably another 2-3 weeks before January start and I will probably enlist (sadly). My letter's not here yet, I dread the thought, but still, there isn't much of a choice. April of January, doesn't really affect me. Perhaps I will temporarily be happier, if I go in April, because holidays are longer.
There isn't much to do, to play, to set myself up for, after this A's. It's after all, a holiday spanning a couple of weeks. Purely speaking, a month, with all the events coming up. There's no way I was going to like hey sign up for something new and get my feet wet in every single thing I ever wanted to try. Post O's was like that, it was about 2-3 months of holidays, but I did not make full use of it, sadly.
Probably what I will do is just to rest, slack, and have fun. I will perhaps glue my hands to the keys for many hours, and then slack off the remaining time. Fortunately, I am not the type of person inclined to outdoor outings and activities. Sentosa is not my cup of tea, worst still, it could be detergent to me. Not my type of fun. Thankfully, I am not polarized for the 11th October sentosa outing who some people "inconsiderately" organized.
One consolation is that O'level people end only about a week earlier than us. So we do not feel like the last aliens on earth studying for two weeks.
I'm staying at home today.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
The time remainding
This was what happened
22-28th-Doing math TYS, slowly
29th-7th-Studying chem
I'm behind schedule.
8th-15th-Physics
15th-19th-Some math
20-24th-Geog and GP (four days LOL!)
25th-31st-Chem and Physics Spam
I think H1 geog is like going to die. Seriously. But I really have no time. the magic number is FOUR.
22-28th-Doing math TYS, slowly
29th-7th-Studying chem
I'm behind schedule.
8th-15th-Physics
15th-19th-Some math
20-24th-Geog and GP (four days LOL!)
25th-31st-Chem and Physics Spam
I think H1 geog is like going to die. Seriously. But I really have no time. the magic number is FOUR.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Some stupid dreams again
We're finally at our four week mark that says run! run! run for your life. I am however, not bereft of distraction. Not close. Not even close enough. My body clock has somewhat changed, my sleeping time displaced a lot further. (I found it virtually impossible to sleep at midnight). Somewhere around 0100hrs of the next morning would be a suitable time.
I am currently considering posting two weird dreams I had last night. To summarize. One involved my house getting robbed, (or rather, about to get robbed). And then I woke up finding myself shrouded in darkness. Engulfed in what I call fear. (yes, I try to induce sleep by offing all the lights), somewhat, then I started to panic, because I thought the robber (who is supposed to be a ruthless killer is going to come anytime). In my anxiety, (I was perspiring like mad!), I went downstairs to sleep with my family. What a coward I am!
Second, it was a really weird dream. not on the eerie side, but more of the realistic kind. This dream somewhat took effect as I fell asleep the second time when I went downstairs to sleep. In this dream, I was somewhat married. (ok, I can remember who I was married to, but for, simplicity and sheer vagueness, I shall not disclose.) And then my wife was in labor and then it was the giving birth part. Then the doctor carried my so call "son" up (baby boy), and then found he had only one arm. That was frightening and disturbing even in a dream! I was momentarily stunned, and shackles of invisible, invincible fear rooted me. And then first thing I thought of was "how is he going to play piano? " What a thought. but either way, then the next thing on the dream was to "report" to my wife and parents about the handicapped baby boy. (which was again, another traumatizing experience). Then it somehow occurred to me, that why do I have to report to my wife (by the means of a telephone), when she had to be at the scene of labor. This sounds more complicated than it really is. but I woke up after some random encounters with people, no climax, but certainly one disturbing dream. I decided to wake up, go for service, and not sleep anymore. Who knows what occurs in the next!
What stupid dreams. It brought great elation to finally be awake.
I am currently considering posting two weird dreams I had last night. To summarize. One involved my house getting robbed, (or rather, about to get robbed). And then I woke up finding myself shrouded in darkness. Engulfed in what I call fear. (yes, I try to induce sleep by offing all the lights), somewhat, then I started to panic, because I thought the robber (who is supposed to be a ruthless killer is going to come anytime). In my anxiety, (I was perspiring like mad!), I went downstairs to sleep with my family. What a coward I am!
Second, it was a really weird dream. not on the eerie side, but more of the realistic kind. This dream somewhat took effect as I fell asleep the second time when I went downstairs to sleep. In this dream, I was somewhat married. (ok, I can remember who I was married to, but for, simplicity and sheer vagueness, I shall not disclose.) And then my wife was in labor and then it was the giving birth part. Then the doctor carried my so call "son" up (baby boy), and then found he had only one arm. That was frightening and disturbing even in a dream! I was momentarily stunned, and shackles of invisible, invincible fear rooted me. And then first thing I thought of was "how is he going to play piano? " What a thought. but either way, then the next thing on the dream was to "report" to my wife and parents about the handicapped baby boy. (which was again, another traumatizing experience). Then it somehow occurred to me, that why do I have to report to my wife (by the means of a telephone), when she had to be at the scene of labor. This sounds more complicated than it really is. but I woke up after some random encounters with people, no climax, but certainly one disturbing dream. I decided to wake up, go for service, and not sleep anymore. Who knows what occurs in the next!
What stupid dreams. It brought great elation to finally be awake.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)