Draft

Just for draft sake

my ATCL programme is gona look like this

Bach Partita No 1 Prelude and Gigue (3 min)
Beethoven Op 13 Pathetique Sonata (17 min)
Chopin Revolutionary Opus 10 no 12 (3 min)
Liszt Liebestraume No 3 (5 min)
Copland Cat and Mouse (4 min )

Maybe I need one more piece. ARGH

Seek. Strive. Excel

I still find no link between the above 3 words.

Ignore it, if you must.

I have piano lesson in a few moments time. Preparing for my diploma recital from sketch is going to be so not easy. I only have friday nights, saturday noon and sunday to practice! Maybe I can only squeeze some weekday night from that oh so not enough number of nights out we get. And when I get back to Seletar, I start to ponder about the feasiblity of travelling home just to clock some hours on the piano.

And yes, for those who know. I am playing the Pathetique Sonata by Beethoven, and Liszt Liebestraume. That is so far what is more or less confirmed. Maybe my teacher will toss in some Scarlatii and maybe a 20th century (but seriously, I am not very fond of 20th Century). I hope I'd fit my Chopin Etude in.

Bleh. Boring post people. Very soon I'll be counting sheeps on my blog. You know, I'll be the best hypnotism blog around. BORRRINGG

Phase Shift, once again

I realized it's been like a thousand million decades since I've blogged. What happened to the frequent blogger here who was actually addicted to blogging. For goodness sake, I can't find anything to blog about nowadays.

Basically, as the date and time suggest, it's impossible for me to have interest access if not for something quite like an oasis in a desert-Nights out. It's pretty good to have the opportunity to stay at home for like the night and go back in just to fall asleep on my semi smelly bunk bed.

The week's been pretty hot, and I got quite sun burnt. My face is red now. I look like a tomato. Oh aw.

This week been pretty 'eventful'. I don't like this week. Stressful, scary as a series of unfortunate events continue to plague me! I really hate this week, to be honest. It was nerve wrecking. severely.

Other that the series of unfortunate events, course ending next week! I really did not expect us to have nights out for the week!

And tomorrow's book out day!

Okay. just for the sake of blogging.

OUCH

Please put this next to my mouth.






All my food since tuesday can't come out! HELP!

A hole in my map

I hope this post doesn't reflect too much of my current cynical perspective of life. Perhaps I should try to be cheerful for once.

Been a really long time since I actually had any physical exercise (actually last week). In camp, I don't get to exercise much.(irony) My platoon mates are mostly lazy and only a few are willing to run. Maybe they don't see the point or they don't really enjoy it that much. Running is fun, I really need to run. I still have my debts from jeep course to pay back. (ah layers of fats! be gone!) Throw me IPPT now and I'll die flat. The thought of SOC alone will make me cry.

Last week was pretty relaxing. In fact, this is the most relaxing course ever. I get more sleep in camp than out-camp. I'm currently withdrawing from my lack of afternoon naps!

Went Jurong Point again for nights out. Pretty bad experience because it was constipation week for me. Almost exactly the moment we got out of the camp gates, my stomach started hurting insanely. It was this gripping sour acidic flinching type of pain which inflicted pain and irritation to the night! I could barely enjoy my few hours walking around in the mall.

And I must be pretty smart to go add a Swensen frosted chocolate malt into my burning stomach. But no, it did not extinguish the fiery flames of my stomach ache. Instead, I had to half-cringe half-flinch back to camp.

I'm typing my "report" for my game for YF camp right now. I tell you, inspiration is something so hard to find. Maybe about 0.01 percent of my thoughts are inspiring ones. And amongst which, only about a tenth are workable. Do the math. I'm so uncreative! I need more inspiration!

This must be the most random thing ever. And this just happened:

My brother wants to take a book from a high bookshelf which happened to be in my room. He calls me over. I says "yeah what?". He says lift me up to take his book. I thought okay why not. And so I did. I balanced him on my forearms. (50+ kg is no joke!) But it was manageable still. And guess what. The book he wanted to take was like hidden behind several books. In his attempt to retrieve the target book, he dropped like a dozen books on me. For a moment, it rained books and instinctively I let go of him and we both dropped to the floor. How nice. On second attempt we got it though. What a sore forearm I have now! :X

Void of direction

I wonder if it's time to shed my cynical paradigm for something glittering with optimism. Survey course started last week, and we had to change camp. Basically, it was surprisingly relaxing. We almost never had to clean the bunk, most of the admin time were spent snoozing. There were afternoons where we literally had afternoon naps. PT was almost nonexistent except a few runs here and there. Mainly we had lectures, on basically navigation. The most intriguing thing was that there was actually tests after each lecture and the tests actually does involve maths and map reading. (ouch. painful nostalgia from old school geography days waves past). Navigation was pretty fun, but doing it on foot sometimes can be a pain in the groin (literally) because it somehow takes 10+++ km ideally from point to point assuming you don't get lost. Getting lost is a scary thing because everything around you looks the same. I have to be mentally prepared for more navigation exercises.

Wednesday I had my nights out virginity broken. We actually went to Jurong point for the night. Coffee bean coffee cheesecake! I can't wait for next Wednesday to go there again. I've always thought of nights out as something lame, something non-practical. But now I realize that it's so refreshing!

Filler

I wanted to blog. But I think I'm too sleepy right now. It's way past my bed time.

Survey course has been fine so far and I still have no idea what's installed for me next week. nights out to jurong point is quite a fun experience.

I'm going to sleep! HAHA

To become a pokemon master

There are so many complicated thoughts, intricate emotions swirling in my head these days. That this blog is so public that it would be deemed inappropriate to post all of it down here. Maybe I should set up a private blog soon.

I drank half a can of beer on Wednesday night which induced great vertigo in me. C'mon it's my first time drinking. Thanks to everyone who cared for me that night because apparantly now I can't remember remember who I talked to. My tolerance for alcohol apparently is super low. Maybe I should convert it to carboxylic acid first before I drink. Ouch! I remember booking out feeling not so sober. But the fast march to the gate made me feel much better.

Friday, I went with my brother and church peeps to the airport to send Lorraine off. Bad planning somehow led Ye, Glen, Joseph, Ronald and me to be stranded somewhere far far away from home without access to bus or mrt home. I only remembered I told them the bridge riddle and they were having hard time with trying to solve the riddle and at the same time solve the puzzle of " how to get home ". I was already feeling sleepy because it was way past my bed time (which is 2230 unfortunately!). Me and Joseph were considering doing a Road march home but it was insane so we decided against it. So eventually we hailed a cab which (out of mercy) agreed to take all five of us home at one go. It was actually forty bucks, imagine hailing two cabs. Ouch.

I got to book in soon to pack my field pack with ten pack items. Never imagined I would have to pack field pack and go FBO again. Course starting tomorrow. Enjoy your Hari Raya people! I'll be doing a jeep convoy with all my duffle bags to Jurong Camp. Can't wait! It's gonna be so much fun. (or at least I hope).

That's all for today. I'm feeling more depressed than I ought to these days. Hope booking in will cheer me up. :)

My title has no link actually!

Quantum Leap

I finally got my new phone. Sony G700 business edition. I finally managed to defeat the demon of procrastination.

During BMT, I told myself. Heck, after I suffer through the hellish field camp I'm going to spoil myself with a new phone. (which I thought would be Nokia E51, c'mon NSFs do not have a wide spectrum of choices which includes iphone or any other phone with an eye at it's back cover that goes snap).

I didn't.

Then I told myself. Once I pass out from tekong. I'm going to get a new phone. A whole block leave of 10 days could not defeat the demon of procrastination.

Then I finally got into unit. I told myself, after my combat engineer course I'm going to get that phone, like finally. Nope, I still didn't.

Milestone after milestone. I told myself after jeep course I was going to get but i laughed it off like immediately because I knew I wouldn't.

Then finally, the coup de grace came when one day when I was making a seemingly innocent call. My phone actually blacked out. I thought it was one of the tricks my phone used to play on me when it was unhappy about me over smsing throughout the night or lack of 7 hours of uninterrupted rest of charging breaks, but no. I just lay there, blacked out. No pun intended.
So I took out the battery, put it in again. Repeat and rinse, but to no avail.

It was a fruitless attempt I swear I couldn't find an apple nor an orange to save the day.

After yelling 'never say die', then repeating the "take out battery, put it in, on phone". Finally it works. Sometimes. Keyword is sometimes. Then sometimes as I'm happily typing good night and sending to my buddy sleeping one bed away my phone blacks out. Oh wow. How wonderful.

So it was finally time to whisper RIP to my red nokia phone with worn out keypads. Thanks for being a wonderful friend, through BMT. But now I have my stronger better faster Sony G700. Omgosh, I feel so mean. (even to a phone!).

Had a superbly slackish week last week in camp. So relaxing! Oh well, survey course begins next week!

Good video

Bumpy

I can't think of a title.

Anyway. I've been like going out everyday from Thursday to Saturday. This is so not me. When I'm at town, I sometimes wonder if I took a plane there.

Just to be chronologically sound. Went out with survey platoon last Thursday. The gist of it-food,movie then drink. I skipped the drinking part because I'm a good boy. Jon puked and Timothy could not maintain friction with the ground. And yes yes, there was this big pipe like thing with a hose for people to suck on. It's like smoking, but they claim it's non addictive. Oh well, I kind of value my lungs so I never tried one puff. But still, I think it was smelly, to be honest. I wonder how it makes people high.

Friday I tried Swensen's Ice cream buffet at Ion Orchard. I thought 8 scoops was actually commendable effort considering I ate waffles and cakes too. I love the cereal toppings like those fruity stuff. My happiness lasted until my brother told me he ate 20 scoops the last time he visited. Oh well, I don't have a huge appetite. I did not consume lunch, and my stomach was gelid cold from all that slimey freezing substance sliding down my throat My braces actually caused an area of effect freezing field right inside my mouth. But cost wise, it was super worth it.

Today I made an effort to repair my pieces. REPAIR! cause they are all rotting like garbage. I have to do something before they decompose. My brothers are playing stuff like pathetique sonata now for diploma and i'm so jealous. I will probably take mine the same time as theirs. And yes, I also want to learn the pathetique sonata soon though I think it's actually quite simple. My scores are all over the place, I can't even find my liebestraum score now. I cannot even remember a single bit of that Chopin Ballade and G flat etude which I was learning before I enlisted. This is one big thing I hate about army. I should find out if I can smuggle a weighted keyboard into camp so I can at least learn some new repertoire. It sucks playing the same thing over and over again, worst still, seeing them rot into nothingness.

One thousand and one

I just booked out on Wednesday night from a grueling perpetual battle against army open house. Well, the thingie itself is quite manageable, but I never seen so many stores in my life before. Stores are evil scary things. Imagine, a 5-tonner, and two 10 tonners full of heavy bulky stores. Table, chairs, countless poles and weird funny stores. and the bane of mankind-camo nets! Scary! Loading and unloading is still very man power intensive. and the work that has to be done is tremendously wicked. load unload load unload WASH load unload. and move it from place to place It was mainly like classic strength trainnig plus a nice bake under the sun. And did I mention that the sun has been relentlessly blazing for the last few days.

So I got my weekend burned. (no, not by the sun). This week, thursday friday are off days. And next week, thurs and fri are off days as well. Compensation is always very nice. Double consecutive long weekends are so sweet. Yesterday when I awoke, I never felt so much civilian tranquility. So peaceful.

Yesterday I watched the movie 9 with my fellow surveyers. In my humble opinion, the film was average. The plot could be much better, there was actually potential in the whole concept but a 1.5 hour film wasn't enough to totally unleash it all. It could have been much better if it was in a series, where individual characters were developed properly. The show was rushed, but I think it had a nice sense of flow. I didn't feel bored, but the ending was abrupt, which made the whole film seem shaky with lots of mysterious left unclear. I liked the concept, but they rushed it, and blewed it. Well, but I've seen much worst movies so I guess this one can be considered decent though it does lack some meaning.

Painful

Someone said

You truly own what you can protect.

I played.

My fingers never felt so out of control before. La campanella was overwhelming me. I completely forgot one whole passage. My first run was horrible. I stumbled, faltered and whatever you call that. I can't even play through the whole thing without stopping or without warm up.

AUGH.

I hope this is just a bad day.

If not, I actually feel like crying.

A spilt second of fire

I feel like playing the piano suddenly.

Omg, that's like the most neglected feeling ever.

Something cool

Oh man I thought I would not be able to book out this week. I booked out last night, and then this afternoon again. Half day is actually a pretty pleasant surprise. Very tactical indeed. They did not want us to tire out before the open house. Today's quote of the day should be, "I know you guys are already very sick of this place. the truth is, it hasn't started yet. " I don't know if it's a blessing in disguise because I was held back at driving tests for like about a week so I get to evade a week's worth of shit jobs. Setting up tents, carrying rocks, carrying camo nets, all sorts of dirty work under the sun. But of course, we get plenty of sleep under the shade. Sometimes, there's totally nothing to do.

Tonight, I'll be booking in into a eight day saga. (or maybe nine). Five days of Open house and 3 days of cleaning up after the public and closing the whole entire thing. Then I'll finally get off for a super long weekend. Delayed gratification, again.

Life's getting meaningless. I'd rather be rotting around at home than going out with my friends. I wonder why. I've been wanting to watch a movie but too lazy to get out of my house. I finally decided today all that indecisiveness have to come to an end, and I decided to. *drum rolls*, play Pokemon.

Life's going to be boring. Most people somehow find themselves glued to their monster hunter on PSP when they have slept till the point of saturation. Despite my seemingly limitless capacity for sleep, I still maybe should find something useful to do with my time. Knocks myself, playing Pokemon is useful?

NSF life is so cruelly restrictive. I realized I cannot even book in my theory test for driving in peace. Weekend slots are all fully booked. Damn, can't those civilian people sacrifice a little and take the weekday slots. Or maybe cause I'm too late. Hey, I'm just going there to waste like several minutes of my time and get my pass.

I suspect I'm a little sick now. Sickening rain. I drove an auto jeep without any cover (or doors) on the expressway in the rain last week. I tell you that is one scary experience. Safety comes first, right. Very true when I was actually driving in the middle of two lanes. Or wait, I can't even see the lane markings. My jeep doesn't even have a windscreen so how the heck are there supposed to be wipers. That is almost equal to riding a bike in the rain. Except my helmet doesn't have visors. My goggles get wet like every nanosecond, my hands ain't so free to double as wipers. That sucks. Bleh.

Life is so boring now. But I'm pretty sure the coolest thing now, is to aim to become a pokemon master.

PS:sorry I couldn't find something cooler than becoming a pokemon master.

Here we go again

Next week. No book out for me. There are rumors that Tuesday is half day. Oh well. My life is still as meaningless.

Just enrolled for my basic theory test for driving. Can't wait to get onto the civilian car and start lessons At least it feels much better walking into the driving center and applying knowing that you have actually driven a P plate onto the real public road before. And yea, expressway! I'll hope within 2-6 lessons I can go for my TP test and by a few months I'll be driving around to where ever I want. HAHA, finally no need to cab around. But some stuff are new, like parallel parking in the test itself, and the speed limit. GOSH, it's no longer 50!

My exit is clear, I have to go

I thought that I should have typed a post or two since I'm about to book in. It's Thursday night and I officially graduated from Jeep course after having received my license as well as my certificate of achievement. It was a tough (understatement) five weeks. Grueling stress, excruciatingly painful streaks of failure to the extent I suffered break downs. I never knew I had problems with stress. I just knew I was BLUR and I had quite bad psycho motor coordination, but driving eventually came natural to me.

I remember the funny things that happened while driving. Being one who passed at the fifth attempt, I had to go through grueling hours of what they call failure training. I think the mileage and time I've clocked with my L plate is legendary. (well, almost). And I failed not because I was incompetent, but rather, I made the foolishest of the foolishest mistake under test condition.

(disclaimer Since driving is universal, I don't think blogging about this is breaching some official secret acts or law or something right.)

Driving has almost become numb to me. We're trained to deal with anything on the road. Expect the unexpected, thats what they call it. Very nice. We cannot blame taxis which cut into our lane and then cause us to fail because we cannot slow down in time. We cannot blame vehicles who irresponsibly and blindly dash out of the side road without stopping at the stop line. Anything that happens is like always our fault. We have to watch out for so many things at once.

The dumbest thing ever is to fail cause of stupid reasons. For my first test, I never made it out to public road. It was a five minute joy ride with the tester. How nice. For those who have experience in driving circuits you should be acquainted with something called the directional change. guess what, I turned out of the wrong direction, going against the flow of traffic and failed my 1st test. Five minutes, and I'm out. Not even 1 Km.

Well, I was disappointed. But things did not get better. The 2nd test, I was all poised to strike. Armed with red bull, I leaped onto the jeep. (53, was the back 2 numbers of it. I thought, damnit, that same vehicle again). it was okay. I had problems at the start, rolled back slightly at the slightly sloped carpark lot where the test started. I went smoothly out to public road into bedok area where I survived for a fair amount of time. UNTIl I was about to go onto the route back, I engaged reverse gear accidently at a traffic light and almost banged into the car behind. how nice, that was a immediate failure of course. And to think I thought I drove quite perfectly up to then.

The third test, I was already all shaky. It was the day where 1st and 2nd test passers graduate. It was almost definite that my course is going to extent and I cannot graduate with my fellow coursemates. It was surely not an exciting feeling. I just felt I had to pass this test, so that I don't graduate at a remotely far away date from the rest of the course. I was scheduled for the tester on the same damn 53 jeep. I leaped on it again having drank like half a can of red bull. Guess what, I couldn't start the engine. For like thousnd of times I crank start the engine but it wouldn't turn on. I paniced. Oh wow, guess what. the clutch wasn't fully in. So I went on to fail that test with spammed demerit points. What killed me? The negative impression, a couple of wide turnings that caused the tester to be dead pissed with me. Using the wrong lane after a junction. I U turned all the way out of the pedestrian crossing boundary. Okay, I probably just deserve to be shot. I didn't drove my standard.

After failing the 3rd time I almost wanted to kill myself. I had no confidence in my driving at all. And this dragged on to the fourth test where my morale was rock bottom. I got onto the 53 jeep again (tell me why I have to always go on that same damn jeep!) with a can of red bull in my stomach. Oh wow. I moved on at 2nd gear in the circuit. And that concluded my 1 km test route. Back to the circuit! and back to the failures bench.

Now, I tell you. failing so many times is so horrible. For fourth test failures we have to write a statement because we are suspected of deliberately failing tests. Now if it's so easy why would there be nine people left after four tests out of fourty men at the start. That's easily a quarter!. So we went for the so called unofficial interview.

For every test we fail, we have to go through what we call driver failure training which easily adds up to about 200-500 minutes and about an average of 70Km on public road. this mileage is no joke because we don't go straight on expressway (hell no L plates not allowed on those boring straight roads!) it's like a traffic light every some few metres. And instructors tell us to turn left turn right like no one's business. Everyone know turning left and right is more complicated than going straight all the way. (at least it uses more brain power right! pttf!).

Now. Finally. We all have clocked a legendary amount of training hours (which transcends that of the 1st test passers). We all don't suck. In fact, we all can drive pretty well and control the vehicle quite well. We all can drive. just that some people forget to put seat belt during test and some people get struck by a bicycle from another dimension. Some people stop at the green light because it's 7th month. or maybe some people see a platoon of ants marching across the zebra crossing. there are multifarious reasons why people fail. And most of them are somewhat inevitable. (and stupid!)

About stopping on the green light, yes. I committed that one on a driving assessment. (a small test which one have to pass before they're allowed to go on an official test).

Now. My fifth and final test.

I was a struggle the night before, two nights before. Sleep was good. If anyone would to fail this test. He would have to sit around doing nothing from 8-5pm and have training from 5-7pm because the new batch have already arrived and our instructors now have to take care of their new poor disciples. it was a life determining battle.

When they annouced that they're going to let us choose which vehicle we wanted for the test, there was a heated debate among all 9 of us. Some people actually wanted 53 but I strongly rejected it. I came up with a lame reason like the signal is not working properly and I finally managed to get them to use another vehicle.

Guess what, that vehicle has a name. And it's prior owner Jonathan, who happens to be a very nerdy and (weirdish) air force private who just passed on the 3rd test and left us said that his vehicle 35501 is called Sarah. To pass the test, one have to become one with his vehicle and shout out his vehicle name before mounting it.

Finally, without drinking red bull, and driving Jonathan's Sarah, which had a new set of gears because Jonathan broke it (!!). The biting point was also smooth. I glided on that momentum and passed my fifth test. Nothing happened, it was forty minutes of hell tension until I came back and was asked to park in the carpark lot.

I tell you. after failing so many times. The point is not to give up. There were many points of time where giving up, Out of course! was so promiment amongst my thoughts. The motto of the jeep platoon. Never say die! Is something which I would remember for life. This course had thought me many things. Amongst which. I remember a quote.

Only idiots do the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

I guess the breakthrough was not drinking red bull and finally having a different vehicle. One with great aura and power to even have a name.


I've met so many good friends here in this course. Some funny, some nerdy, some quite fun to be with after all. This course is full of test, and they're not the ordinary army test whereby going through the motion will get you a pass. Some tests can have failures up to the fourth-fifth-sixth attempt. Now tell me if it isn't scary.

If only

Yesterday night it rained. I sat by the computer and listened through many emo chinese songs and watched music videos. The stormy rains outside kind of created a perfect ambiance for being emo. Then I sat alone at one corner of my room and ate ice cream. It never tasted so bittersweet before. Once in awhile, this feels so nice. Feels so peaceful as I cuddle into my freezing cold blanket under the billowing aircon. Peaceful sleep.

When life gets meaningless, the only thing I can do is to appreciate smaller things in life. For example, eating ice cream under the aircon amidst a storm in the middle of the night. Like right now i'm looking forward to eat instant noodles with lots of chilli early in the morning. Okay, maybe let me think of another example besides food. Just being able to lie down and do nothing. (though my mind ain't really at peace but still). And waking up to see my hair grow a little longer more.

I've changed. Nowadays I take things very hard. My emotions are not mine anymore. I cannot really control how I feel, how I act or whatsoever. I am a prisoner of my emotions and that stinks. If I feel sad, everything I do including how I look at people will totally reveal it all. If I'm stressed out I start doing weird things like drinking water every few minutes. I've never been so emotional in my life. If only I can think less. If only I can feel less. Life would be much better.

I miss BMT. I miss those never ending road marches. I miss doing everything with my rifle. I actually miss outfield (though I suffered a lot at field camp). I miss PT everyday. I miss the whole place. Waiting for the ferry and booking out. I miss booking out, and booking in. I miss everything. I wouldn't mind being a recruit my entire life.

Green Arrow

My bed time has been somehow displaced forward. 2000 hrs I start to feel drowsy and by 2030 I would be automatically hauled into dreamland. Then I wake up at some 0300 hours and start to worry about the days ahead. Stare into the blank ceiling and contemplate my fate. Sigh.

For some reason, my life is so meaningless that I spend my nights watching television. Oh! Don't die of shock! I finally managed to get my lazy ass across the corridor to next door, mount the bed, and start absorbing the colorful pictures on that little dusty screen which I hardly ever touch. And surprise of the day! I watched Singapore Idol.

I don't normally keep up to date with such shows. Stage one is more often than not-funny. Then it gets serious. Gets all complicated with all the emotional rampage. People begging for a second chance. Whoo, on television. Do they actually know they're being filmed. This show is not as simple as it seems. Not a simple sing and win it kind of show. Just like why we watch drama, we love watching people cry. Then we use our empathy to simulate, to engage in somesort of virtual experience whereby we get half of the experience points (woot! or actually maybe not) People crave for emotional drama. If this show simply presented people singing over and over again, then release the results in a very non exciting manner, would people bother to watchat all. It was the drama over the music (if even existant). The conflict, the emotional turmoil, the empathy we have to exercise, the study of an array of personalities presented right infront of us. We get to see people chase their dreams, fail, cry on national tv and we're satisfied?

Is it better to have unrealistic dreams, or have none?

A call that summons a thousand miles

This morning I woke up (again) at an unearthly timing. Sunday! I should at least wake up to see the sun, but no! it was cold and chilly. My first thought was, "gosh this should not be happening on a sunday morning". but still, i managed to exercise some self coercion and got myself up.

How did all this happen? Interesting. To cut the story short, I got a call yesterday at a weird time ( that I call my bedtime ) telling me I had to go for a half marathon the next morning at some thousand miles away.

So we rendevous at esplanade at some 5am plus this morning.

I wasn't very happy. 10km. I was just glad I didn't have to go for the 21km run. I haven't been doing any form of exercise for like say the last one month.

And so I ran. Ran. and almost died.

It was literally a human sardine hell. (I still remember that was my official term for Bugis) but anyway, if that was human sardine hell. This is canned aqueous sardine hell. Sweaty heaven! I tell you, when I ran I had to squeeze through people to advance forward and these people ain't exactly very dry. They were excreting juices known as pespiration, and I tell you, rubbing your arms on other people's arms does create a cooling sensation which I tell you is something you never want to experience. For that, I propose running marathon in long no 4.

I was so sad and traumatised. No goodie bags or whatever They gave out medals though. But who wants a 10km medal. Anyway we didn't run the competitive one so we didn't even have number tags. so people without number tags are like worthless piece of thrash that don't deserve medals (at least thats what they told me when I tried to take one). Still, I manage to steal 3 cans of 100 plus from the freebie booth which was giving out drinks. Yea. Stealing that 3 cans was the most painful experience because I had to squeeze into a crowd of men who just finished a 10km marathon. My sanity or my throat. It was a tough choice. But :( i choose my throat in the end.

The others are going home tomorrow. Only the failure squad are staying for the 3rd test and me included. I haven't gone for my island wide. This tuesday will be a do or die battle. I'm not giving myself pressure anymore. Because I know I can do it. I can pull off perfect driving. I just need some luck.

While driving on saturday morning at Yishun area, I stumbled across a couple of police cars parked along the road. I think the civil defence people were involved as well. No, this ain't NDP part 2. But anyway there was a half naked old man threatening to jump down from a playground obstacle (you know those pyramidal kinda thingy?). And mr police man was trying to get him down. I could vaguely see though the speed of the jeep was so pathetically slow. Fortunately, I managed to my instructor to get the jeep back to the same spot to see what happened. I made 2-3 circles and by the last, I saw the old man handcuffed, pinned to the ground. And yes, though I had to signal right, change lane for all that commotion, I thought it was quite disturbing, sad. Yeah.

Garfield says life stinks. I kinda agree.

There ain't no pulse in life

I just kinda lost hope. there ain't anything meaningful in life, somehow. When I look, i get this blank paper feeling. I have lots to put on it, but no pen. Maybe i do have a pen, but there ain't no ink. That is more frustrating perhaps. I just look forward to things like, " oh im hungry now maybe I should eat MacDonald later", and when my MacDonald comes I feel temporarily happy and satisfied. Then when I gobble up the entire thing, I start to wonder, what's next.

I have no goal no aim no ambition no passion nothing. My one and only passion was sucked by SAF. My goal is to pass my driving test next week (again, SAF), my ambition is like the sun of beckoning radiance sadly blocked by layers and layers of clouds (again, SAF). until there is no light to be detected.

Weekdays I long for weekends. But weekends I stare at my computer screen and sigh. What's this week after week. Or should I be glad I have nothing to do. Maybe boredom is a blessing. There's no use doing anything. There's no use looking forward to anything. Everything suddenly feels temporary. the only feeling that is not temporary is the feeling that everything is temporary. now, that seems perpetual.

Once I think I have found some meaning in my life, it vanishes! Like a ghost. I'm following something that is nonexistant. I don't even know why. The moment I reach home I sleep. Maybe it's better to be stay in because I have friends in my bunk to accompany me. Maybe it's good to once in awhile, induldge in say, PSP games or something. Nothing pleases me. Nothing seems to entertain me as much as it should. Nothing seems useful at all.

My dream

I'll move into a big house. With a nice little grand piano, fancy chandeliers, the perfect ambiance, and I'll practice 8 hours a day. Within months I'll be playing Hungarian Rhapsodies, Chopin Ballades and Rachmaninoff Concertos. And then I'll indulge my life in it. I'll just keep playing.

I'll retake A'levels. Study the hardest I can just to get into somewhere that I want to be. then, I'll study a degree for fun.

I'll celebrate my 21st birthday with the biggest party ever in my own house.

I'll get my license. And get my dad to buy me a car.

Then I'll get attached to some pretty girl.

DREAM ON.

1 year 7 months to ORD

National Day

I was thinking of some abstract kind of title but heck it, it's National Day. So happy national day!

For once. I watched NDP all the way from the start all the way to it's end. I got to say, I was impressed how lamely it started. But eventually it went quite professionally and smoothly. One word to describe it-sleek. For once in nineteen years, I finally could sit down and watch the parade before the Z monster attacks me because I can roughly understand what was going on. And I have to admit the uniform groups marching in NDP kinda looked grossly irrelevant.

And there was the highlight of this year's NDP. the presidential gun salute where artillery was mounted on our M3G rigs/floating platform. I was so appalled when the commentator never mentioned one bit of the M3G floating platforms. Everyone is like gaga over whatever shit that produces those big boom bang poofs into the air but no one ever wondered whats underneath those heavy bulky pieces of gun.

The music was so bad this year. (though I don't have anything to compare with since I rarely watch NDP) They like to use chopped up fragments of a variety of national day songs into one long song. Rojak can taste nice, but doing this to the music this is like so wrong. It sounds constipated, sounds so wrong, sounds so violated. C'mon, there's no buffet in music. The theme song is beyond horrible. A chanting melody, wait, there isn't even a distinct melodic line, or even a chorus. Thrash!

And yes! I said the pledge. The national day songs are actually quite nice. In fact, memories from various route marches whereby we sang NDP songs surfaced. Though how lame it might seem to say, that I think, I think I love Singapore.

(and I'll probably take back my words when I go back on public road driving on Tuesday again)

The weather is kinda stuffy today. I spent yesterday and today goofing around at home without much in mind. A wanderer's life, how random! Been quite emo on and off recently, for no apparent reason. Life can be quite meaningless without nothing meaningful. Wait, that goes without saying.

I'm dehydrating now.

I failed my 1st driving test (military class 3) by making a retarded wrong turn in the CIRCUIT (I never made it to public road) by going against the flow of traffic. Sadly, a stupid mistake which I ought to be whacked in the head for. But this degree of stupidity cannot beat my dear beloved wen guang who failed because he never turn on his headlights.

Awww. Before I dehydrate into nothingness. I should get some water down my throat. Bye

Shattered

I never thought myself as a perfectionist. but now I know I cannot stand myself failing.

Avenger mode

The dark horse rides past.

That better be me.

Jerky up and downs

Slow down.

Patience. A word very easy to say, but very hard to apply.

:D

Ignore that smiley title. I ain't that happy anyway.

Today. Hmm. Things can go right after all. After a thousand of years of being stuck in the mud and being faced with murphy's law from day to night, I finally get a bit of that shiny glittering hope of equalization. Things are getting better by the second though my energy is at rock bottom.

I need energy. And thus, I shall attempt to break my record and sleep now. (it's 1822) btw. Sleeping 17 hours on saturday till sunday wasn't really that enough. I had about 25 hours of sleep throughout a span of two mere days. Way to go. The best part is, there is an insatiable hunger for sleep.

People underestimate driving. People underestimate how hard it is to go out just one round into the roads of singapore and coming back unscratched. That is, boy, a true feat. Because in military we're only allowed 10 demerit points (8 lower than commercial mind you). And anything easily can be a cause of an immediate failure. Don't talk about that 20 lessons you paid for in commercial, after 10 lessons we're put into a real test (which level rivals, if not owns the commercial standard).

How many of you drivers out there actually know the types of roads. Uncontrolled equal cross junctions, controlled junctions, major road minor road etc.. or even bus lanes. How many of you actually have to say them out step by step in an oral like setting. Whereby if you forgot to say you beware your left rear wheel hit the curb it's an immediate failure. Situational problems, thats what they call it. Yes, those kind the ancient generation had whereby they had to push cars over boards.

Im worn out. I get to go home. But suddenly the television, the computer, the fridge or even the toilet ain't appealing anymore. My home equals my bed. That's all.

SLEEP DEPRIVED.

(actually I have sufficient sleep. just that it's just so mentally draining everyday. Alevels ten times can never beat this)

Over thinking

I think too much huh.

I really wake up disliking what I'm going to spend my entire day doing. It's getting better. The imaginary end is coming ( I hope so ). Time doesn't push the end ahead of us but instead we have to push ourselves out of this shit. I want to go back to unit.

But granted, it's getting better and better. I realize I cannot keep up with stress. I start to reexamine into my own competence. my own absorbing ability etc.

I am right now, totally impaled by pressure, totally fatigued by stress. Only the magic potion red bull can save my sorry pathetic state right now (but I still heard it's damn unhealthy to drink too much). I can only rely on living my life day by day to pass time. Going through the motions, hoping things change for the better.

I think too much.

I cannot make it. I will just fail.

tough

Life is so tough now. I don't have the mood to talk to anybody. I really want to get this over and done with. Life sucks.

Relentless

I did not have a weekend last week. And I tell you, I am physically upset about it. My mind starts shutting down at about 2000 hrs to 2100 hrs. I cannot focus on any task which is after 1700 hrs. I start to feel sleepy on the car back home. This is mental torture. Even studying for A'levels was much better. So much tests coming up, the main course of this course is about to be served. Relentless.

Sunday. It doesn't feel nice booking into a place which you do not belong to,and in addition get walloped upside down for a crime you never committed. Fierce. Yes, fierce and unreasonable. I spent my whole Sunday doing nothing but wait at a shrine like place which is stuffy and hot. When our time is up, we go up the hill again to watch something like 4 seconds of explosions. This was indeed more epic than people who would spend the whole night sitting on a ground sheet under some romantic durian tree waiting for sunrise.

At certain points, I start to see myself trapped in somewhat, a thick layer of time. Thick itself is an understatement. Month by months, these layers unwrap itself naturally and finally after like some twenty four layers a holy grail would be unveiled! I'm starting to find it all so un-fun. So ridiculous, so stupid, so waste of time. The worst part, it is sucking myself away from me.

In the past few months, I've lost more than I could ever imagine. But the worst of it all, was losing myself. I need to find myself back.

I reap what I sow

I reap what I sow.

Oh. i rather be digging a shell scrape everyday then to go through this. Take me out of this place. I hate it. I abhor it.

My threshold for pain or discomfort is ridiculously low. Laugh at me. Mock me. Or whatever for I shall falter non stop to pain. But I will keep walking straight. Dead or alive, is another question.

The same old question

Yesterday a meteorite crashed straight into my home. All burned and fatigued, glowing with it's last energy. That meteorite was me. And indeed, I was pissed and plagued with some kind of "ah screw it" kind of attitude. I'll tell you, stay out may sound good, but it's not as good as it sounds. In fact, it's bad.

Instructors seem to always like to play with your time. They have everything to threaten you with. Threaten to confine you till nine, threaten to have extra training, make you do your homework until late hours. Trust me, I don't like going home at nine because it takes about an hour to get home. And guess what, I have to get up early again next morning to go back to the same freaking place. What a lie about 8-5 work. An average day is until 6 and most days are plagued with night training until 9-10. How wonderful.

I tell you. Yesterday I reached home at 1900hrs. and I had 350 questions of highway code theory to do. And you know what. I'm intending to copy them all. I was just so pissed because they had to cancel our driving simulation lesson and chuck it on Saturday. Its so convenient for them! It's so easy for them to say. Do you think we people serving NS have no commitments outside? The answer is no, we still do, but they expect us not to have any.

I know driving is good. Getting a license is good. But to me, maybe it's just an illusion. Even if I get to drive a car around. How often would that be. Right now, maybe on weekends. It's just an over glorified cheap thrill. People like to feel mighty, they like to feel they have the freedom over something. (in this case, the road, and the vehicle). they like to feel as if they can teleport from point A to point B. It's an adult thing anyway. Maybe they like to feel adult. Why do most people go all out for a driving license the moment the gate of time opens up for them? I cannot understand.

Anyway it's supposed to be cool. And I'm thinking that it's useful. (Not as if I feel it really is.)

I have to wash up soon and get ready for my 1 hour adventure into a foreign land.

If all things goes well, I'll be having my rest tonight. If not, probably I'll be wandering home in the darkness.

Steering wheel of fortune

Oh wow. So now I got myself into a stay out course for about a month. This course is something which is considered sacred and divine because most people around this age would be quite desperate to get what they call this piece of certificate which allows you to sit in a machine that goes zoom and effectively teleports you anywhere you want.

Stay out jeep course. That's what they call it.

Sounds like the perfect dream. In 1 month, I'll get military class 3 license which allows me to drive jeep, rovers (and we'll probably learn that we should not drive when someone is checking the wheels beneath or something). That is not a civilian license and I'll still have to take the test outside but I guess I'll save all my money and time on driving lessons because jeeps and cars are effectively the same thing.

Perfection. But No! the camp is at kaki bukit which is about an hour's drive away from where I stay. I have to go home everyday, which is such a chore and training is 5.5 day week. I'll have to go on Saturday and that sucks.

But still, driving is nice. I get a feeling if SAF never forced me to go, I would never ever bother to get my lazy arse off my computer chair and get enrolled in something.

Hopefully by the end of the year you peeps see me driving around. (no, not in bicycle). but anyway. I'm totally fatigued.

It's so tiring going into office, sit there and stone for an hour or so until they make you pick up leaves and clean windows. For afternoon activities, we sweep the floor across an abandoned road by the river so that people who come running can enjoy fresh air and nice scenery which was artificially beautified by intensive and extensive man labor. But it's nice calling it for the day at evening, then having the whole night to rest-yes, thats nice.

Meaningless life. But somehow, meaningful lives, somehow involve some form of suffering. So maybe there is actually some meaning in being meaningless.

My little adventure

I belong to a group of random people who would do random stupid things on a random night. Take for example, I took 3 liters of water, some random oreos cookies, sweets, towel, shirt, deodorant, and many many other random stuff to give a weight of 5-6KG on a back pack and ran 10 Km on a slightly drizzling night. Maybe it was less than 10Km, because I took only about an hour with that extra weight. I found a park, sat down, and had my oreos. Got to admit, it was a little tiring.

It was again, a run down memory lane. I ran to ten mile junction, then to diary farm. then to rail mall, then to bukit timah fire station, and then finally to church, whereby I found a nice spot to sit down and have my tidbits. Following which, I stoned there for about an hour.

Who want to join me for my night runs!

This long weekend gave me sufficient rest. I feel charged up. I do not dread going into camp tonight. I think it will pretty fun this week. The prospects have changed. I can look forward to jeep lessons (and saving money on driving lessons outside!), spray fire some machine gun which is supposed to be mounted on the jeep. Take navigation lessons so in future if I get lost in the jungle that might be useful. (IMHO, I have very bad sense of direction). The only drawback is walking a lot, which I happen to like if you have a couple of friends with a decent sense of humor.

It's Sunday morning!

I was watching a Korean drama yesterday entitled "He who can't marry". It's really interesting so far!

My royal decree

I am sick of telling people, Oh I got this so and so grades for A'levels, BUT that was because I never studied even the bare minimum. Because they always give a skeptical look, and with that little dubious eyes, they gave me a cold stare that penetrates my seemingly impregnable core stone of pride. For those who think I did study a lot, yes, for the last 1 month or so. My prelim results were dying, I failed every single subject at mid year, and I blew my practical and send 20% of my double science down the drain. I had no choice because it could have been worst. Now, do I already sufficiently justify myself.

I've gotten into university. But no. I'm going to retake and I'm dead serious about it. I have a lot of power stuck within me, now it's just time to unleash it all. For once, in my life. I don't want to be mediocre, because I know, there's definitely not where I belong.

I realize people like me don't belong in society. The core reason why sometimes I voluntarily isolate myself from people is because I always expect people to behave a certain way. I expect people to give me some respect and attention like I have always gotten since young. I expect my friends to listen to me, and agree with me. I expect a lot a lot things which the outside world cannot give. And when that happens, I swell in disappointment. And in dismay, I walk out, sulking. This world, where no one is out to accommodate me, where people no longer think you're the main character, where you're just another one of them. I hate it.

I should banish myself.

Twist of worlds

Twist of worlds, change of perspective.

I hope things will be like what I think it would be. And with that, I'll be really happy.

The jeep or the bulldozer

I'm blogging on Wednesday night. Whoopee!

It was a sad day today. I never knew parting could be so sad. I never knew 2.5 weeks was enough for us to bond so much that I felt so terrible when I had to leave alpha. I never even felt a single pinch of how I felt during BMT though I am certainly sure I miss my Jaguar friends. Now, I know, I know. I have to go.

Introvert I am. But deep down maybe I do really treasure friendships. The bond in a platoon can be overwhelming, I tell you. And true enough, hardship do put people closer together.

Sad to say. tomorrow is gonna be a new place. new adventure.

Moving on. Adaption is the word of the week. Maybe it's the only word I have to learn.

And yes. I wasn't surprise at how emotional I was today. I'm not emo, but emotional. I have feelings, that ain't really under my control.

Random post out of nowhere

I tell you. The last week was depressing. I was actually considering whether the 2m ramp or the parallel bars would give a higher chance of inducing an injury just nice to get me out of the camp. But no, I tried to snap out of all that depression, but usually, to no avail. Oh, actually it was more of a sinusoidal adventure, ups and downs, highs and lows which actually create somewhat of an insane mood swing kind of thing which actually induces confusion and emotional instability. Before I get to say, " Great hello world ". I'll be on my way back into camp. That's how life is. Weekends are sweet but before the sweetness sets in, the fatigue overwhelms and cause time to go two times faster than normal. But after all, sad or happy is just another feeling.

What happened the last week? I should keep the finer details to myself lest I get charged. Being a trainee makes us level 2 slimes. In BMT, we were all level 1 slimes. Now, we're slightly greater, but that only subjects us to greater torture. Hopefully, we will eventually become more than slimes. Maybe. Maybe..a snail.

If you ask a rifleman. What do you do in the army. He will reply with gusto! We swamp the battlefield, we are the bedrock of the army and we are the ones who charge at whoever threatens the peace of our homeland!

Noble indeed.

If you ask a medic. What do you do in the army. He will reply. I save thousands of lives in times of war! I heal people with broken limbs and wounds!

Noble indeed

And then.

Ask me. And I'll tell you I build bridges. -.-||

How noble!

Okay. I'll have to verbally narrate it to make it even sound half funny.

Adaption is hard, especially when you miss your friends. I miss Jaguar, I miss platoon 1. I miss them all, I miss tekong. In fact, I would not mind staying a recruit forever if life could continue as perpetual BMT for 2 years.

Anyway. Finally booking in timing is no longer the ridiculous evening timings. No need to take ferry anymore!

And yeah. I realize the profoundness of my posts is dropping drastically!

For the first time

For the first time, I managed to overcome the barrier of town-no-phobia and bash into the frontiers of what they call shopping. Being thrifty/stingy and most importantly LAZY, I could not really see the point of buying things to wear when I already have a closet full of cloth. Just that they're range from 5 years old to about 2 years old. Maybe things do need an update once in awhile. Also I have been accused of being a shirt thief (by my dearest brother), and so I decided to go grab one of those things you wear on your body, and yes, on my own initiative.

And don't remind me tomorrow is already Friday. Weekend? Oh cut the crap, block leave is crashing to an end. Thankfully, there is still YF tomorrow and sentosa on Saturday to keep me happy. I almost got sick today, or was I not? I don't know. I felt feverish, then giddy, then hot cold tingling sensation engulfing my senses. HAHA, it was fun still though. We crapped, and I laughed so much. Never laughed so much in one go before.

Ah. I woke up with a diarrhea this morning. It was so bad that I woke up about 3 times in 1 hour for discharging purposes. And more often than not, the discharge was aqueous rather than solid, not even molten. A sharp evident pain was so palpable at my stomach I could barely get up. That was thanks to eating moo ice cream plus some jelly drink plus Slurpee at one go. Plus, chicken wings and one whole relatively bigger than average box of fried rice. Pandemonium!

Oh yes. Wednesday was spent really doing nothing at log camp. I'm not part of log nor music but I found myself ghosting around their camp. I mostly only joined in the games, and food! Hah, I'm one lazy bump. But anyway since I've missed so much training the day before it was pretty pointless to be carrying on with the training that everyone else is doing. I'm a level one slime amidst level 30 knights or mages. Plus, I'm really not a log person and I don't really feel like I am going to end up doing anything log related.

As a finale, we played this game called Command and Conquer. Cliche, yes. But it was one chaotic mess. Organizing was so-so, but the game itself seemed more fun than it is when actually being executed. Basically it involves the infamous crawling on carpet in icy cold conditions (sadly, only simulated by air conditioning) to steal an enemy team's cone and return to your base with their cone. So, actually having said all that. There wasn't really any incentive in stealing the enemies cones besides bragging rights->that is if we actually knew who won the game at the end. A game of fighting spirit, or I would say, sacrificial spirit of sacrificing our knees willingly (due to the full of friction nature of carpet, evil I would say) to steal a pointless cone. In the name of a game, it was fun. But practically, the point was basically meaningless. But it was a game. and no one said games should be meaningful. Thus, the definition of a game.

It was approaching midnight and the soporific long briefings did cause the players to actually feel the disturbing need to just find a corner in the nicely comfortable air con room and snooze. Yes, that was what our whole team did. As the game commenced, one could find a clustered group of about 5 people lying motionless on the ground. Explosion? No. We're just resting in peace.

Yes. For the first game, I was being the sniper. The one that has to carry on a huge amount of load more than an average player. I think it was about one hundred grams, or more. Snipers need guns but in Singapore guns ain't allowed so we have to simulate using torch lights. Snipers indeed, once we killed someone, we basically gave away our location.

One funny thing that happened was that Dom Tse and me were engaged in sniper fire. The procedure was such that we had to call the names after the flickering of the torch light. He reacted first, but he called me Tay ye. He kept "Tay ye tay ye tay ye". And then I was about a split second slower as I declared his name. Indeed, the one who sniped first would send the other sniper home as a casualty. But no. I won that battle cause he called me Tay ye and not Tay Yi. That was quite hilarious because I won that battle just because of some silly mix up with me and my brother's name. Pointless I know, but some random crap. Something I bet everyone reading my blog have been anxiously waiting for.

The bed beckons I am currently dizzy and I have waterfalls beneath my nose. I think I'm sick. Time to call for times out.

I'm sitting down here at home with nothing much to do. My life is pretty much in a mess. Nothing to look forward to. I'm scared of posting to be honest, and I'm so scared I get too accustomed to civilian tranquility. What's more, I bet next Monday gonna feel like enlistment day all over again. New people, new environment, new rules. Why not sum it up and call it a new world. It ain't no longer "the island" where ghost pops out of no where, people die of soil infection or whatever you have. There ain't no ferry go round ride anymore. It's just, somewhere random. Some place, full of insecurities now as I think of it.

I'm thinking of creating another how well you know me quiz on facebook since I'm so bored but that would make me stink of self obsession. (oh wait, maybe I am after all). Randomly watching dramas but realized my attention span recently have been quite short. Prison Break, Lost and all other series which have hooked me in the past now fail miserably to capture my attention. Is it the quality of the plot, or is it just me?

I pondered over such stuff. The "hiatus theory" (still pending title) as how I would call it. I remember as a kid, I loved a game on my beloved playstation. It was Digimon World 3 if I remember. Or was it world 2. As a kid, I loved monster breeding games because I found them creative! And till today, I still kinda like them (I love Pokemon by the way). And unfortunately, that was when I was facing the first monster any kid in Singapore would face-the evil PSLE.

To summarize, I was a bad kid, with my eyes glued to the playstation all day long. I was so obsessed that I woke up about 2 hours before my bus to school came so I could have more adventure time in the virtual world. And so two weeks before the major exam, my dad somehow managed to scare me into studying for PSLE. And then, he kept my playstation away from my sight. Depressed I was, and cold turkey I became. but ultimately, fear motivated me. Even as a little kid, I still studied for that two weeks.

Now. After the last day of my higher mother tongue paper, I was so hyped up about coming home to continue my Digimon world adventure. I tell you, I was grinning ear to ear till I was filled with dismay. When I entered the game (the world), I felt everything suddenly unfamiliar and there was this nauseating urge to put down the game and move on with life. Suddenly I felt foolish playing that game, more of I did not know whether I wanted to play on, because there was already this barrier between me and this game. What was this? the once so enthusiastic me, the game waiting for me to pounce on, and the two weeks of time acting as a barrier in between. I never touched that game again, till today-I wonder why.

I tell you, till today I am still amazed. On the contrary, there are times when things turn out the other way round. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and it is true. but now, when do things go that way and when do things move in the opposite direction?I guess, time is the only way to decide what things you can be true to, and things which are an illusion in the first place.

Timer starts ticking again

And so the oh so magical pass out is here. It is rumored that the day itself would be our happiest day in our lives, but oh no oh no, it wasn't. After the parade I could barely walk from all that malicious abrasions that span from my thighs to my ass crack. Pain was unbearably burning but there was no choice but to accept cruel fate. 24 km was actually pretty much a walk in the park, a breeze but it was the Z monster (aka sleepiness) that was haunting us ever since the beginning of the journey. I have to say I wasn't actually physically tired but more of mentally strained. Most of us developed headaches of some sort (due to the lack of sleep the previous days considering we have been doing area cleaning for the pass few days very intensively)

So block leave begins. 11 days of so called "civilian tranquility" Oh oh, so fun. It was really thankful that I was able to attend church camp at Malaysia, which was in my humble opinion short. But it was an experience which I thought gave me some bittersweet chills at the end of it. Reason being that I somehow feel that all these fun and enjoyable company is all temporal. Very soon, I will be hauled back to where they call prison and it all begins again. But no, wait, army is supposed to be fun. And the insecurity that is developing in me now is intensifying every day because I don't know where I would be posted and my life depends on it.

Camp was fun, albeit exhausting. Did not get to play tennis this year. I wasn't keen on the over hyped up water polo which is in my humble opinion boring to a great extent. Bowling was considered the best by me though I consecutively showed off how much I could suck, but it's okay. Bowling ain't my bowl of tea anyway. But my idea of fellowship somehow involves people sitting around doing nothing and trying to amuse themselves. That, in my opinion, is the most fun, and fulfilling fellowship where interaction is maximized. A ring of 20 people playing taboo is somehow, overkill.

I can be extroverted if I want to. But my shell is always there for me to withdraw. I don't know. Somehow nowadays I cannot relate to what they call " the rest of the world " because my life is like from 5bx to lights out and people stare at me when I say 3pm as 1500 hrs. I find it enjoyable to talk to people about army and talk about army life because it is somehow, disturbingly thrilling to recall and talk about experiences in the army. I wonder if it's going overboard. I relate everything to army. Sickening! But fun.

Anyway, passing out is actually sad contrary to popular belief. The 2nd day after passing out I woke up chanting the songs we sang during 24km in my head. They're so carved into my subconscious. Unknowingly somehow, memories just penetrate the conscious and overwhelms me. It was fun. The last 3 months.

Don't look back

Yesterday I took a run down memory street. It was pitch dark and there was no one around as I ran pass PJC campus. I wondered then, how would it feel like if I was still a JC student. Being carefree and happy was what it seemed like. Was I like that then? School was so slack. I barely did homework, and I barely attended tutorials and I always ponned PE lessons. For what? Just to go practice piano in the hall, Or sleep at my favourite loner spot. Suddenly, the school field which I dread seeing every morning now makes me wonder, how nice would it be if I can go back to JC life.

Well. School people out there, you're lives are still your lives. What I mean is very simple. You go to school and when the school bell rings and you get yourselves out of the gate your life resumes. You get to keep your hair, you get to be defiant at teachers once in awhile and the worst you get is detention. The hardest thing you guys all have to do is homework, and maybe examinations. How good is life then. I wished I'd appreciated all that.

The bottom line is, your life is still your life. You are still you. But for me, I am not the me I know anymore. Even the me during weekends is suddenly found directionless. As I look into past holiday photos, I miss my previous unkempt long hair. I miss waving my fringe around, I miss styling my hair before I go out. I miss, I miss everything. YF, yes especially. It's been a long time since I went. Every time I get off in lieu on Fridays, it is wondrous coincidence how come they always don't have YF on those weeks.

Occasionally before my enlistment I would take a run behind my house at night. Yesterday as I ran by the canal, a tingling sensation oscillated my spine while a warm sensation burned my chest. How much I missed my very own life back.Am I going to whine about how much I want myself back every now and then. It is evidently there, the longing to become myself again. But at least it ain't that bad.

Granted, I never had so much fun in my life before. I suppose BMT is actually fun and a memorable experience. I'd never thought I could experience such pain, nor joy. But are the weekends they give you just to rot around enjoying your freedom? I find it senseless to do anything which involved time or commitment. I can't learn driving, I can't pick up something new. I just get to sit around doing nothing on weekends? Face it Tay Yi, you're life is now army. There's no driving nor music nor any other thing to look to. Just be happy that POP is coming.

About two years later, I am going to find myself back. I am going to buy my grand piano and practice all the pieces I want to play/master without any deadly sense of hesitation. I want to become who I was and who I've always wanted to be. Then, I'll grow back my old hair and enjoy university life. If only I could hold then, gain as much as I can from these two years. Perhaps time will fly.

Tired

I'm tired. I will be back tomorrow!!

ROAR. 10 more days to POP

Last week!!!! LAST WEEK!!

Still I don't feel like booking in. But it's like 6-7 days left of sleeping on that oh wow so comfortable bed of the 2nd floor of Jcoy building. Oh wow. I hope this week will be slack. WEE!!!! But i doubt so.

No place to be

I probably have equivalent to nothing left.

First, badminton doesn't want me anymore. I've lost almost all my interest. I still can stroke but I can't play singles anymore for nuts. My reflexes have been slowed down tremendously because I haven't played in a long time. Those sharp drop shots and smashes are no longer what you call "normal" to me. They pierce through me. I can't go back anymore.

Piano. Piano. I love piano very much. But with only two days a week improvement is an uphill task. The only thing I can do is to maintain and is that enough? I cannot learn a new piece in two days. Even if I plow through complicated material in two days I will forget about 60% in the 5 days to come. Compared to the approximated 10-20% per day when I revise it the next day. This is so counter productive that it kills all motivation to practice. I still can play a sloppy La Campanella and of two my etudes. The problem here is evident, I can't really spend my time playing the piano knowing i will forget most of it during the week.

The solution here if I love music still is simple. Pick up a hand held instrument. A smaller one. Maybe Flute or violin so I can start learning slowly during my two years in army since musical instruments should be allowed in camps. Yea that's im going to do. Cello is too big, so i'm deciding on flute. Violin gonna be a pain for my bunk mates next time since you all know beginners are a pain to listen to.

While most of my platoon mates are out playing Left 4 Dead or clubbing their weekends away I am sitting here in front of facebook and blogger. Downloading some game to play on my DS. I went to play badminton in the morning but I tell you it was a disappointing attempt.

Army is good. In fact. I had benefit quite a lot (in my humble opinion) from the training there. But it steals the part of me that doesn't want to die. The original, authentic me is gone. The me who is obsessed about piano and music. My interests are slowly being devoured by the lack of time and commitment. That is what I see happening. For now, it will be a hiatus. but will it be effaced someday?

Now I stare into the depressing horizon. There isn't really anything to be depressed about. The sky is fine and the clouds are even finer and everything is so fine. It's long weekend so I should be grinning from ear to ear. Life outside now is plain, relaxing as it is. But the me now is not the me before I enlisted. The me now, doesn't like being the me now.

Soon. We will stand at that parade square and get ourselves out of the island. but that is perhaps the true beginning. I don't know what to expect. Should I be excited, elated? perhaps. If not why would POP be a happy moment anymore. No more ferry, no more ridiculously early book in timing and so on.

I want to fight for my country. But now I kind of want myself back.

Shiny people

I probably got the saddest IPPT results around. Now, take a look people.

Chin up : 8
Shuttle Run :9.9
Sit Up : 52
SBJ : 221 cm
2.4 Km : 9 minutes 30 seconds
Results:passed

Now. I have Gold 2.4km run timing. hit 9:44. I have a silvery chin up score. (and I can do more). But I have such a pathetic, "sucks to be me" kind of Standing broad jump. Is there any reason not to feel some kind of undefined misery! Plus, Gold and silver people (aka shiny people) get to book out some 2 hours early while people who pass/fail just stay behind. The problem is not with that two pathetic hours (in fact, we went to the gym), but the pride. I can do everything you need me to get a gold, except SBJ. And I don't get a badge, I don't get any recognition, I don't get any early book out. and I stay with the failures. On top of that, I ran 2nd fastest in the platoon. No recognition at all! What a crappy system IPPT is.

Bottom line? Sucks to be me.

I'm definitely gonna jump my way to my silvery badge next week.

MUAHAHAHAHAHA

Today I am going to embark on the impossible.

Thoughts after a long time

Sitting here typing this on Monday morning makes it feel extraordinarily odd. I am overwhelmed by a sense of nostalgia and somehow something reminds me of the life before I enlisted. I really suddenly miss the life I had before I enlisted, somehow-the freedom is what really makes the difference. I will never get to slack the whole day watching Lost, then playing piano for 4 hours, chatting so much on MSN/SMS, doing nothing on facebook, for everyday in a long time. it really somehow strikes me hard now. I don't know why.

On a brighter side, BMT is coming to an end. With only a mere 17 days left (2 weeks) and about 10 days in-camp, we're gonna POP soon! And I believe that will be one happy occasion. But it is a mere beginning to a new chapter to something new and frightful. I realized that I made quite a number of friends but also quite a number of enemies alike. I'm pugnacious by nature, can't help it. But does it mean that since we're going to POP soon it's okay to turn enemies now? Since we're not going to see each other anymore. I'm not referring to anything in particular but the platoon in general. There are the good, the bad and the ugly. There are countless of people I cannot stand, let alone sit with. (no pun intended). It's just another 10 days in-camp, so does it matter even if the whole world turns enemies?

Closing in

We're closing in. I suddenly wonder how it will feel like when we pass out. I think I will miss my platoon mates a lot. I wonder nowadays why sometimes I seem to feel happier in camp rather than in civilian. Both kind of life styles are world's apart and thus both offers somehow gratification of parallel dimensions. (kind of will never meet). Granted, in camp, I laughed a lot, crapped a lot at stupid moments of other people as well as myself. A lot of retarded things happened, a lot of fun moment, satisfying moments, happy moments...etc..

I was thinking of doing a dedication to most of my better "mates" in platoon one. But I figured that I wanted to begin with the first one because his life changed this week.

To Axel:

I know you're not going to read this. (may not!). but c'mon I'm not going to say anything hurtful so be brave and read on okay. I want to congratulate you in rejoining us and getting out of your "out of training" status. Let's pass out together! I mean, you're like one of the naturally funnest person I know. You're jokes and natural comedic talent is one that transcends beyond mine. Despite cocking up many times, I do have some (or quite a lot) of respect for you. Going through SOL, and all that OOT rubbish. When you got confined you actually helped us clean the bunk, and that was noble! I mean, sometimes I believe some people actually treat you unfairly, but I think you're a nice person undeserving of all that emotional turmoil in BMT. You're intelligent, but sometimes maybe just a little on the careless/blur side. (like me!), but anyway. This dedication is not meant to sound gay, but I really appreciate you as a good friend! Let's pass out together man.

And I'm sorry Joshua. Though you're my buddy, Axel takes precedence. Yours will come soon!

Sixty Six

And so. I spend much of yesterday doing nothing much. Caught X-men origins at Plaza Singapura. I never liked super hero flicks mainly because they are predictable, superficial blah blah. But I found this film rather emotionally provoking. (at times). Other than that, it was pure slice and dice action. (literally). I ain't very familiar with the marvel concept and thus, wasn't able to marvel at the film like a fan boy. Decent film, tension hung high throughout, and the plot was convincing and fluent.

This weekend has been particularly short because I have to book in at 1800 hrs. The week ahead seems ordinary. Company line stuff. nothing much. just physical training and blah blah blah. we've finished much of the syllabus. Hope the next one month would be more or less frictionless. Come to think of it, it's only a matter of four book outs more. There's still stuff like games day and OC evenings, recruit evening to look forward to.

Booking in

Gonna book in soon. MAN! long weekend just over like that. the next long weekend is on 30th May and I'm really looking forward to it. C'mon, c'mon. I want to POP soon.

Pride wars. It's not about strength but technique.

flummoxed

Ambivalence is ever thriving in me right now, generating a huge deal of flummoxed thoughts in my head. I don't know where I'm heading to. A huge deal of uncertainty strikes me. Suddenly as I start to embrace and play with the thought that my time in tekong is going to end very soon, I am abruptly awaken by the fact that-that itself is not the end of something, but rather the beginning. Not to mention, I am uncertain of where I want to go, let alone where I will end up at.

Secondly. I don't know why but there is a certain level of fatigue that is constantly within me this weekend. Perpetual fatigue. That sucks. Sleeping will not banish this sad condition and it seems like I am vulnerable to falling asleep after sleeping for about 9 hours every night, but yet, I still do not feel refreshed during the day. It feels as if thousand of years of sleep debt is piling upon me. I don't find any vibe nor energy to perform simple tasks, let alone do big things like embark on a new piano piece or something. I just want to lay here and do nothing. But that itself, is so unsatisfying.

Oh well. I am composing my second hymn variation. And I hope to get it done by tonight or tomorrow. Believe me, it's something to look forward to. even for myself. I can't really get any motivation to start anything new because firstly I don't have the time to upkeep any more pieces. My weekends are spent practicing what I already know. They are all so drilled into my muscle memory that it takes a huge amount of time to forget it completely, but still deterioration is still evident.

I'm okay, I'm okay.

Beyond all odds

Every time I take the ferry, a thousand contemplative thoughts starts to wiggle about in my head. There are almost an equal amount of ways to detain a recruit on the island or force him back early. namely, guard duty, confinement, remedial, re-shellscrape or whatsoever reason. Long weekends are valuable, (highly valuable treasures) and it was really a "suffer in silence" experience while waiting for the verdict four days in camp. Worst of worst, confinement people only know the verdict minutes before book out. That is so sad, so depressing, and so evil. And always I seem more of relieved than glad to be on the ferry and being able not to think about tekong for the next three days. YESS, long weekend is here!

finding myself back

Had to find myself back. I think I did. Played the piano. Felt better. etc

I understand nothing

I'm losing myself. Suddenly. I have nothing to look forward to. Suddenly, I have no goals, no aims, no nothing. Suddenly, I don't feel like listening to classical music anymore. I just don't have the energy to. Suddenly, I don't want to play the piano anymore. Suddenly, suddenly. suddenly. I realized it's so easy to listen to pop because you rest your ears on it. For classical, the music rest upon your ears. There's a vast distinct difference!

Why must life be so ironic. When I hear you crying, I know how you feel. I know exactly how you're feeling because you were the one who did the same thing to me. The same words I'm telling you, are the words that have been painstakingly been drilled into my ears and wounded heart two years ago. I don't make them out of nothing. I've heard them so many many times.

I feel lost. Am I hiding everything in my fortress of nonchalance? Nope, I'm pretty sure I'm pretty honest these days about how I'm feeling. Whats deception for anyway! Out of the window. I'm unsure about many things suddenly.

But i'm okay. I'm alright. I just like to feel sad for awhile because it's been awhile.

There ain't no fortress to hide in

The week that crawled by had been reasonably tough. A maelstrom of events occurred so fast, so furious. I got another dosage of what they call bitter fresh air. The past week has been tough, considering I was really quite sick (fluctuating fever and an intense headache, shivering and very very cold moments) throughout the duration of the camp. Despite tough, some trainings were actually enjoyable. Some "missions" as what they call it. The toughest was digging a hole in the group just to bury it up the next morning. Well, be glad it's over.

That's all for field camp.

//note:does not pertain to field camp
it's not as bad as I thought it would be, maybe. it wasn't even there in the first place.

Meant to be

Meant to be or not meant to be. That is the question.

It's here, it's coming but it will be over

I caught myself staring out of the window into the horizon contemplating my fate. But still, I managed to muster some optimistic energy into my bloodstream before discontinuing my adamant desire to stare into the skies. Oh heck the ephemeral. Same as usual, time will pass.

I managed to heal myself off the terrible abrasion which developed due to the road march last week. Underwear abrasions. I was sure to buy shorts shaped underwear in order to avoid such critical abrasions in the future. C'mon, people usually associate abrasion with fat thighs rubbing each other. But no. let me defend myself. This abrasion which plagued me for the last two days was caused by underwear lining and skin. I know it sounds highly impossible but it does hurt and it was critical enough to render my lower limbs lame. Not so fun right.

I figured I don't have many things to blog about anymore. Everything I blog about will usually be my experiences last week (in discrete form) or my expectations of the next week. Nothing really steamy or interesting to blog about. Still, I find myself laughing at a lot alot amusing things in tekong. Really. I think I've never laughed so much in my life before.

The lamest way to be crippled

So what. See, time flies. 5 weeks into what we refer to as the "island". Thousand of eager souls gasping for fresh air every weekend, clenching their fists, and yearning for that magic date where they get to leave that island for good.

Whatever happens again in the next week will probably be what I call "concentrated pain". What's more, the uncertainty and fear from this whole thing comes from the fact that mistakes have consequences (very intuitively) that are far more grave than mere knock it downs. However, again, I'd like to stick with the perspective that kept me alive and kicking for this five weeks-time will past no matter what we do. We're not stuck, we're just moving along time. Every activity takes us towards our goal so every second is better than the previous.

So what. Armed with my invincible paradigm yet I'm still not exactly confident for the week ahead?Make that six days, it's not even a week! But I still fear. And why do people fear. Because they subconsciously and instinctively want to get adjusted to consequences and be mentally prepared. Isn't that another intuitive function of fear. And now probably if I go on blabbing I'll soon hit the realm of the advantages of being pessimistic.

This is going to sound pretty random but I have very wounded abrasions on my inner thighs. Specifically on the underwear lining and that is making me worry shit because I have only two mere days to recover them fully and find a remedy and way not to develop them again (unnecessarily!). Being sick is unfortunate enough but being sick enough to miss lessons and trainings is something even more worrisome. Especially next week can't be missed at all! So much for the nice title, I like the semi pseudo pun. Oh well! I'm effectively crippled. Walking, opps, I mean staggering like some unstable shit.

I hope next week will be where the gradient of intensity of events against time turn towards zero and intensity of toughness in tekong hits it's maximum point. from whereby it shall take a steep negative gradient, and plummet and hover slightly above zero.

Oh wow. This is my first official long post after a long time! I'd realized that there is really a spectrum of varying characters out there. Everyone is unique and special but in different ways. However, I strongly believe the good, the bad and the ugly is the perfect summary of what seems to be in a random assortment of 46 teenage boys gathered together one fine Friday the thirteen to commit the next (approx) 800 days to their nation. What's more, being coerced to. Perhaps coercion is an understatement.

Blog again tomorrow. I think I had many things to say. Had. But now my blistering thighs are beckoning and I have to shift about 92.45% of my focus to it. Lest the pain spin out of control, I shall focus my energy on it and make it hurt not so much. How? Beats me.

Used up all the goodness

I'm going to do a chop chop post. Time is running out! (haha close the door :P) anyway, going to book back to that island very soon.

Yesterday I watched Army Daze and realized Army changed a lot a lot a lot a lot. A 180 degree change! Really! And Harold and Kumar must be the most random show ever. But it does have it's meaning. I don't have time to post a meaningful post but yea, I'm fatigued (slept real late last night) and went out the whole day today. I wonder if I would be dead asleep on the ferry. Perhaps.

Really not looking forward to going back in.

Happy Birthday to me

It's such a blessing to spend one's birthday in civilian mode. Thanks people for the sms-es though I kinda did not have any contacts on my tekong-phone. More people than I expected wished me though and some unexpected presents. Received two presents, thanks Tanya and Jasmine. I hope to receive one more tomorrow.

.

Rotten apples in your face.

Back from a roller coaster ride. Not literally.

Realized I have poor integrity. Played politics. Disliked some people and badmouthed them. Turned people against other people. Oh gosh, I am getting corrupted. Scolded some people in the fits of anger, (of course, not superiors!) But this week has been one turmoil. Somethings I was worried for turned out pretty nice. I got marksman! But that was really unexpected because I was worried for failing.

For those who want to talk to me about my very eventful week. Find me.

Weak

I needed some good sleep. Finally woke up with sufficient energy to go for 1130 service later. The weekend seems to pass so fast. Very soon I'll be sitting on that bus, that ferry and lying on that bed again. Thankfully, next week is a short week because of Good Friday which is also my birthday. Five days seem short, wait till I experience four days.

I wonder why sometimes I can commit myself to say, something not to do, and I always end up doing it. Guilt and remorse overwhelms me. How in the world am I so bad in keeping promises. Shit, somethings are hard to control. Really. But I shall try.

I woke up 0530 hrs today again. Body clock adjusted in such a way that staying up on weekends becomes physically impossible. At around 1000 hrs, my body starts to feel weak, sight decreases and I start to feel "faint". Unfortunately, most of the time in tekong one would be inflicted with somewhat of an injury or another. If it's not a flu bug, it's some weird blister at some obscure place which cannot be underestimated. Blisters to tekong are like fishballs in fishball noodles. Inevitable, and always there, just how big or small. But well, I am feeling fine now.

I think week by week, time will fly. Very soon I'll be out of Tekong. It's still hard to believe next week is the fourth week already. Think of it in terms of book out, in another like 9 or 10 book outs I'll be out of tekong. (Hopefully for good). Just a matter of weeks, not months yet.

PS: any one wanna get birthday present for me?

Worlds Apart indeed

I said, five days is supposed to be relatively shorter than fifteen days. It felt shorter, yes. But not the perceived duration of five days is pretty vague itself. Which five days. The first five days of the 2 weeks confinement? the middle five days? or the last five days? Theoretically it all seems like the same five days but intuitively the first five days would probably seem the longest for most people. That holds true for myself too. And the five days every week when we book in will feel like the first five weeks of anything. Reason? The need for instantaneous readjustment. Let freedom be water and we transition from ocean to desert. Deprived we are, craving for that weekly oasis in the desert. Where we are let free from the shackles of thirst into the temporal (or imaginary) basin of water.

Everything can be summarized by two words. Monday blues. The morale was evidently lower. Singing four more days to book out day somehow doesn't seem very appealing. The last five days of the first two weeks, when we started singing " four more days to book out day " seemed way more appealing and enticing. Or maybe, energizing.

Tuesday things started settling in as we resign to our fate once again. The feeling of "Ouch ouch I miss home" became less prominent. Only occasionally striking and pinching into our hearts. By Wednesday things reverted to as normal as the middle days of the adjustment period. Morales at the cook house or admin time suddenly seemed more cheerful. By Thursday, we were all pretty tuned to Tekong mood but there is a conflicting sensation of the craving to book out. The conflicting emotions can be a turn off. Generating friction. at least in me. Booking out is always a beautiful thing, but just when you're getting adjusted again-that may be quite a weird feeling.

So this is how time will fly for the next ten weeks. I still can't believe I'm three weeks into BMT..
The second book out felt not close to even a tenth of the magnitude of happiness of the first. This proves the rubber band theory right. The further you stretch, the further you fly. Simple. The more you suffer, the more happiness will follow when the suffering ends. I realized that enjoyment sometimes need not be avoiding hardship or sufferings but comes at the alleviation of these sufferings.

Will blog more tomorrow. I hope I did not breach any rules. I blogged solely emotional aspects and not military aspects. So I assume this is fine.

Only myself to blame

I woke up at 0300 hrs this morning just to stand by toilet bowl and watch the previous intake of food gush out like the wind. In that gross pandemonium I realized what I have been consuming the previous day. All supposedly forbidden to someone with stomach flu. Yesterday before I went out my mum warned me that no diary products. But I heeded that advice not. In total, I believe I consumed one coffee with milk, one mango sundae, and one chocolate cake (or something like that). All perfectly bad for my stomach. Then now I had some sort of a one timer diarrhea. It's getting better again, and I hope it gets even better. Life sucks being sick.

I miss you already

Lights out

Over the past few days I have successfully learn how to feel sleepy at 2230 hrs. And indeed, I am partially drowsy. Not sleep walking nor talking but sleep typing.

Today was another beautiful day. Another day of freedom and bliss. I would not really say life on that darn island is exactly hell but to be precise it's really the island of reduction. You feel like a small fry on it, and when you exit it's reduction locus you suddenly feel as if your power has been magnified by a power of twenty three. Amazing! That's relativity for you, the power of contrast.

I did nothing much today actually. I played the piano. Dust off my pieces, and that's about it. No time for passage forging and refining work. I ain't got such luxury of time. I woke up still thinking I was on that darn island in the stuffy haunted bunk waiting for something to happen. But no, I was sitting there with freedom in abundance excess. What to do now? Shall I get permission to carry on. Go toilet, how? Suddenly, life flips 180 degrees again. It was what it was all the while, but fifteen days is enough to go on topsy turvey mode. Thats why they call it the adjustment period.

And to be precise, my dreams included fire drill and many many heads out. Wonder why.

Lights out!

Distance

Distance

Hello fellow magnet!
How far you are today I waved
There's no room for any duet
By distance we are enslaved
Blue magnet exerts all power
to no avail reach his force
As pink magnet sat far, stationary like a tower
No way out, nature laws enforce.
However, we are spared from the fate like them
Far far away love works just right still
Even in another another distant realm
Amidst the trauma, every pulse of voice does heal.
Like rubber bands we should be
Nothing beyond what we can handle, we could stretch
When the distance close ups abrupt we
soar into the sky, hearts outstretch
There's nothing more painful like missing somebody
Reunion hugs that brings a forceful alleviation
More moving than the greatest symphony.

//

Waking up at 7:30 feels late now. I have a whole day ahead! YAY!

Sick and tired

Well. I consider it fortunate that pushing sleep barriers is usually one of my fortes especially when it comes to doing something I like, or want to do. I am not supposed to blog about any discrete information about how time flew by and how I enjoyed myself the past fifteen days. Nightmares upon nightmares, storm over storm and relativity emerges like surging winds that turn small instances of joy into celebration worth moments. True enough, happiness OR unhappiness is relative, so without a point of equilibrium, or somewhat a reference point, nothing can be defined. And this is especially true when that reference point is now wavering.

Being stuck on an island is one miserable feeling. An island that saps all your energy, mana, free will, resolution, pride and most importantly freedom. The island of true reduction. However, being stuck is a physical term. If we all transcend through time, we are generally moving out of the island each day. (Can't digest? Think again). I think about it this way and realize we're not stuck. We're actually just require an unchangeable amount of time to get off it. Island, but this time, not lost, but found. (with sharp eagle eyes preying on your every movement)

Fatigue then turns the tables. It changes a physical battle into a mental game. Nothing more, nothing less. Switching worlds feels instantaneously scary. There is like an immediate cultural shock. The overwhelming release of the freedom restrict valves and so on. The shackles that free the moment the magical hour arrives. Everything is so steadfast and aggressive that it becomes relentlessly intimidating. I wonder how, I wonder why. There is no turning back. Keep still, and wait for the tide of time to push us all forward out of the abyss.

I know there is unnecessary exaggeration. But for it is midnight and I woke up 0500 hours the previous morning, I should not really say I am sane. (more of the direct opposite).

The further you stretch a rubber band, the further it can fly. (within it's elastic limit). Stretching for fifteen days, certainly we did FLY quite a bit today. We all did. The joy experienced was not short changed at all, it was very very delayed gratification. If only joy and happiness could be measured I would gladly prove my theory true. Purely optimism or something which makes sense? Aw, I don't know.

I have several more poems installed for tomorrow. For now, it shall wait. I shall cuddle in my silk blankets and not worry about waking up for exercise tomorrow. Maybe I should march from point A to point B. Say for instance, my house to the bus stop.

Farewell Halcyon Days

Bye Real World.

back in two weeks. See ya 

Penultimate over

This will probably be my second last post before I slide into that life changing green tube of transition into the next stage. A whole new game, a brand new mushroom of doom begins this Friday the thirteenth.

Today I decided up my game by going to the Army market at Beach Road. It was a pleasant trip (albeit long) with my Dad. Spent some time with my Dad, which was good quality time indeed. Beach Road was being a bitch with her car parks. We hovered in our cars for about a good deal of time before we could get a lot. Finally found ourselves above an open aired food center, at a market that sells army equipment. No, they did not sell any Quarter Staff or Broad Swords but I got myself 88 dollars worth of objects (yes freaking objects) ranging from Black tape to three extra sets of shirt and shorts. Yes, lazy bum here dislikes washing clothes.

And I discovered there's this cute little product which charges phones with batteries. The simple solution to the ban on chargers? Perhaps. I just can't wait to find out how efficient it really is. If one battery could restore a dead phone to full health, it is still quite damn expensive. I haven't got myself a cheapo phone. Tomorrow. Old habits die hard. Once a procrastinator, forever one.

Tomorrow I will start writing letters to all the people whom I will miss in the confinement period. Should I write my will when I'm at it.(!?) And I'm meeting Pastor Wesley tomorrow for Ice Cream fellowship! I'm looking forward to it!

The Waddler

Two yellow ducks waddle waddle,
in puddle one hundred seventy three,
fourteen twelve river.
Their beaks glamour in glee.
Honeystars shine in appasionato
Gummy worms wiggle wiggle in bed
A meteor shower of stars follows
On the wall so fade
A midst three happy nights
sweet as ice cream
Grounded ducks took flight
Sky tasted like brownies it seems!
Presto con Fuoco!
Ducks in liebestraum
Passion that echoes
Resonates in hearts deeply sunk