Silver

Finally IPPT silver. 

You'll have no problem in getting silver/gold if you are

1) naturally a frog

2) been in life and death situations where you're hanging from a cliff

3) able to run for your life.

pull ups and running aren't my problems. anyway, pull up is train-able. or at least, if you keep pulling, someday you'll get there. it's not that far away. even two months in a realistic goal from zero fighter to pass status. (0-6 FYI). subsequently, every pull up more isn't really very hard. And biceps pull ups are allowed which makes things easier. 

Now, running is my trump card. I usually pass IPPT, but without gold or silver. but i used to be able to get Gold timing (under 9 min 44) second for 2.4km by putting in some effort. my best BMT timing was 930. I have ran about 9 minute flat at secondary school. Even at my unfit point of my life, I think 11 minutes would have been manageable. I think it has to do with my lungs. 

Now, my nemesis- a few markings on a lame mat lying on the floor. it ain't even something that look glamorous or interesting . If that was the opening of two cliffs and you had to jump, you would have took a few metres back, then run and leap. no one in their right mind would try to charge in a stationary swinging position and fling themselves across. It may have been a test of leg power, but it is really about technique (as they all claim). some people just seem to be not able to jump that 225 for silver and 234 for gold. It is just ThAT hard. I have seen people fat and flabby with considerable bellies and quite lumpy thigh muscles fly across the mat. this is ridiculous. I hate Standing broad jump. If not for this damn little mat on the floor, I would be aiming for Gold. 

My current results are.

Pull ups 8

Shuttle Run can't be bothered 5 pnts

Sit up cant be bothered 5 pnts

SBJ 225

2.4km 9 57 (I know it's not 944 yet, but I stopped to walk quite a bit.)

I have cleared the once impossible ATP (range) and also the once impossible ippt silver. now it's time to conquer the impossible SOC.

It's possibly the hardest thing ever. it ranks even harder than gold. If only the low wall would be relative to a soldier's height, and swing trainers would really be trainers and not swing KILLERS and the low rope is really a LOW rope. then maybe it's possible. and please don't call run downs run DOWNS when they are uphill. 

Change is constant

I decided to change my blog address. (perhaps for a good cause). You people don't exactly know why I changed it, or the real motive behind it. I start to wonder if people still read my blog. Anyway, I'm just blogging for my own pleasure. It's like masturbation. equally addictive. Strange comparison to blogging huh. 

About three more working days to the end of the Feb. We're soon hitting the third month of the new (opps, not so new) 2010. I finally got a date for my basic theory test (I have been chirping a lot about it for sometime now), finally it's time to get a test date. get the test passed, and get myself on the road. 

I am writing a novel based on (a little) my own life, plus some variations, plus some added drama, plus some fake stuff and real stuff mixed in. I don't find it very amusing, but those who want to read. Just let me know. I think the content may hit M18 actually. (not yet though). And the strange thing is that you read it and sometimes the way I write sounds like I'm blogging. but the things in the story doesn't really happen in real life. So maybe that makes it sound real. Maybe. 

I'm very sleepy. I'm on nights out but I feel like returning to camp to sleep already. 

A summary

Today's post is hopefully not to be so gloomy. 

But YES I am depressed. I think I am perpetually depressed. 

So this five day weekend is drawing to an end. Working and studying people out there, be thankful your holiday ends once you get up to work tomorrow morning. Mine ends tonight! And in a couple of hours, I will start getting the "oh, it's over" creeps. This is so depressing. But thankfully, it's already past mid February. The quote of the year will be "why is it still February!" (or insert random month). 

CNY was more pleasant this year. I do not really know why. People seem to be fascinated that I go around with a hairless hairstyle. (it's been about three weeks since I shaved no 2 btw). So far, I ran about 5km on the first day, 7.4km on the 2nd day, and 5km on the 3rd). I didn't run yesterday, and not today yet. I am so lazy. But the battle against the temptation of goodies did work pretty alright. I think I only ate one lonely pineapple tart. And that was because there was no food and I was hungry. Pretty healthy (infact VERY) healthy CNY this year. Keep up the good work myself!

I need to start finding more meaning in life. I should start living for the moment. Being the happy go lucky me. Instead of being so gloomy, so introspective. Thinking too much is bad for health, really. Maybe I should get some "excuse thinking" or something along those lines. 

I intend to give myself some kind of materialistic reward when June comes. I don't know why June, but yes, just June. Anyone have ideas? Pay is just coming, and I think I haven't really bought anything in a very long time. 0.o 

I realize what i really desperately want now is not money, not love, not friendship. but just three simple letters. At least I know my time will come. 

The most pathetic variation

This post may sound as if I am in great distress. But no, I am all fine, alive and kicking (or at least that is what I tell myself). My life is pathetic right now Pure pathetic. 

Have you ever wanted to concentrate on something so much but then there's something stopping you. Yes. There are so many things I want to do, I want to fly, I want my life back, but there is this freaking 13 months of national service left to go. In camp, we waste our youth away. the only redemption is exercise. Yes, we can play handheld games, listen to music, read books (or even study) but the environment is not conducive one bit. It is so depressing to waste my life away. I have to retake A'level, I have a piano diploma to practice for. Why is Singapore doing this to me? I have no more courses to go to, no more vocational training to take part in. It's like rotting, doing misc work like area cleaning and random runs here and there. Unit life is really what you call, rotting your life away. C'mon, if I want to rot, I must as well rot at the comfort of my very own house. It's just ridiculous. It's as if I have no future to look to. I have to tiptoe and look beyond that very long and tedious 13 months ahead. It's just one more my birthday, one more Christmas and maybe one more CNY away. One year, is it really that long? the answer is HELL yes. I guess most people from my batch are starting to feel it already. It's been so long, and it's still not even one year.

I am currently still in the CNY mood. The long weekend makes me dread camp more. I ain't on very good terms with people in camp, and I can imagine myself stepping on random land mines anytime. It's so political and annoying. 

That's why it's unfair. That's why I find it unfair. the worst time, (whatever the reason) to break up with a guy is when his serving the country. talk about ethnics, this is the worst ever break up a guy is ever going to have in his life. because his life is shackled with restrictions, and it is almost to the point that one can't breathe. there is no freedom, there is no light. And sometimes, it seems like our salvation lies with seeing that one person we care about when we book out. when we wake up at five am and see one text coming from the person we miss the most, it seems like we got the energy to run a half marathon with ease. and it works the other way round. It is not unthinkable why I am so angry. Why I think that the past few months (again) was a big joke. I don't think you will ever read this, or even stumble across this, is because you only think about yourself. You talk as if you don't deserve it. But you do. Because all this while, you only thought about yourself.

I am not angry. I am just sore, and maybe a little bitter. I don't even miss you, and I am sincerely honest about it. Very soon, my hatred will turn into nonchalance and then indifference. I already don't see a hope in any proper relationship. I don't believe in promises that people make. Because when we trust, we believe, we hope, and we put everything into something, the other party can just take everything you gave, leave, and not feel a single bit of remorse. and the worst part is that you can't do anything about it. There's no contract, no bond, nothing. Why is this even morally acceptable?

It just bothers me. it's something which I like to think about from time to time. don't worry people. i'm functioning fine. more fine than a normal ordinary being. i still find time to run about 5km a day, practice piano and have enough discipline to not touch a single CNY goodie. I still find enjoyment in watching naruto. So i'm pretty fine. Im not really in any depression. Im just annoyed.

You take studying so serious. You ground yourself, study for a mad number of hours for a single higher chinese paper. And then, just when I thought you would get an A, you get a D. I just didn't want to spell it out. I went through the whole education system without putting in effort. Yes, you said it is important not to get B in A'levels. So does that make Mr.BCC here a loser? Well, maybe in your eyes. But seriously my two years spent in JC was not a two years which I sacrificed my entire life for. I played most of it away, I still got a place in Uni. I did so many things. Skipped lectures to practice piano. 2 day weeks in school. Fell in love. Went to a chalet and stayed until midnight before a physics paper. End of the day, from scratch I managed to learn a lot of things which I would have missed if I spent my life studying 6 hours a day and doing about 6 tuitions a week. You redefined the term mugger for me. 

That is why I am going to retake. Not only because I want to take law. If not for my SPA, my grades would have been much better. If only I studied a little in J1 and not almost retain or get straight U's for most of my examinations, all A's wouldn't really be that hard a goal. I've seen the A'levels. It ain't a monster. You don't even have to mug for it. You just have to study properly. But you don't trust me because my current grades are really quite pathetic. maybe I should just prove the world wrong. Because A'levels aren't meant to be mugged for. it's meant to be for fun, for the improvment and advancement of one's own intellectuality. It's just something to not be taken so hard. 

Let's see in two years time. I seriously want to see if you're intense mugging and sacrifice all for four papers will really pull you through undamaged (if damage to you is getting a B). 

Next year, I'll string in as many distractions as I can. But i will prove that I can restudy while having all that distractions and achieve what you achieve. 

1 out of four

One day of the long weekend is down. 3 to go. I shouldn't really sound so happy. Because one holiday lost is one more notch up in my sadness level. It is indeed depressing. But it is not about a half full or half empty analogy here because it is still three quarters full! 

Today was a good day indeed. I accomplished a lot. Holiday does wonders to your productivity. 

Watched a movie today. Percy Jackson and the thunder thief really sounds like some lame action flick for little children. Generally, I am not really an avid fan of movies for some complex reason which I find it troublesome to explain at this point. Movies don't exactly appeal to me, but I don't hate them too. I still find sufficient enjoyment and pleasure from watching them (in general). Yang asked me to watch so I assume it's some kind of childish film (whoops), but it turned out to be quite good. And if I say a movie is good, I think it really is.

I ran 5km in the morning. And then timed my 2.4km with my brothers later in the evening. I think I ran a 10 min. But I was very surprised when Yang came in at 9:20 and Ye at 916. I was chasing them like a dog, literally. I keep telling myself that it was because I already ran 5km earlier that day, but no. Ye still had energy to go another 2.4km and Yang was barely at his limit. And YES, i did push. I guess 10 minutes is where I stand right now. My 930 from BMT is gone with the wind. (yes it was about a 9 months ago). I have lots more to train. 

And then I watched Naruto with my cousin. Been about years since I watched naruto. But yeah, it was entertaining. in fact I enjoyed it to a large extent. 

Then practiced piano. And made improvements! 

And then I realize. There are countless ways to make myself happy. 

Nights out

It's Tuesday. 

Here we are, mid week. felt pretty long since I did duty on Sunday. CNY is approaching. But this year the tradition of flaming the festive season in my blog will probably cease. Public holidays are nice after all. Humdrum nature of camp life makes 2011 seem so distant. But I'm trying to convince myself everyday that time will fly. It's almost mid feb anyway. almost. 

Now now. what shall I do tonight?

Analogy

Imagine-your handphone died. Usually, people dwell in the sadness of losing memories like texts, pictures, and contacts for a short period of time. then immediately they start looking forward to getting a new phone with better functions and looks. Because it is better to switch a phone than to have a malfunctioning one. What is a phone without the ability to text or call. Can you livewith such a phone for two years, wait. a year? or maybe even a day? Most of the time, just throw it away and get a new one would do the job. After all, there are so many models out there. 

Far far away

Woo. It's actually Feb. One week of Feb just passed like that. That's so awesome! I got duty this Sunday again! Sadness. Been an emotionally weird week, ups and downs. Self control, to avail and to no avail. Sometimes, giving up it's just easy. I really don't feel like believing anymore. Just got to get through the next 1 year 1 month and 1 week. Nice one(s). HAHA no pun intended. 

It's just far far away. Thankfully CNY is around the corner. And my vow of this year IS

NOT CONSUME A SINGLE CNY GOODIE. AND RUN A TOTAL OF 12km for the whole five days. 

Spent most of the week either in emotional delusion. Or teletubby land. YES, there is such a place. 

Worth

God is testing my patience. Really. Everything seems to be about waiting. Everything seems to be about something uncertain or something stressful. When you phone someone the whole day and there's no answer, you tend to feel scared even though you trust that everything is fine. Just hoping everything is okay. And alright, and being able to sleep in peace is a wonderful feeling indeed.