Well, i have to say that 2010 was mainly about army. it was the crust of the army pizza here. and majority of the syllabus and requirements was cleared in this year. my year one and two range, IPPT, close combat training and so on and so forth. We even went up to Thailand for exercise. This year wasn't swift at all, If I had to say something, "screw you 2010" it was a tough year, both mentally and physically.
This was the year I became 20. And my life took drastic changes. My life right now is completely different from what I was 1 year ago. I did not imagine this change, nor brace myself sufficiently. I'm glad almost all my army stuff are over and done with. It was a tough year, really.
2011. I'm going to finally get my Pink Ic back, along with freedom. Going to university, running the sundown, taking my ATCL piano diploma. it's going to be a hectic and stressful year as well. But I hope it'll definitely be better than the year that had just gone by. I have a lot I want to achieve.
I told myself I'm not going to dwell on the past. But seriously, Christmas and end of year festive mood was totally ridiculously bad. It sucks enough to be alone on those days (I don't mean literally) but it sucks to suffer a blast from the past. I'm not strong enough, that's why I always get hut. I'm was being a kid, thats why I was hurt.
Resolutions. I want to be able to do things well next year. I want to forge good bonds with people, do well in the things I am supposed to, and move on with life.
Like I said in my last year's resolutions, for a better 2011. It's quite funny how I said 2011 not 2010 like on 2009. we all know 2010 was going to be not so good for me. but heck, it's over. And i'm over with everything that happened in this year. I guess the army trains us all well to suck our thumbs.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
the awesome 2 days
Practically this 2 days in camp has been really like a chalet. Talking until 2am, partying with Citadels in the afternoon (awesome card game btw). and then when we felt like it, Prata at Jalan Kayu at night. I slept late both nights, had awesome conversations and the card games were good. the rest monster hunter-ed on their psps until the next day morning. this is how army should be. food is free, lodging is free, we pay zero cents. the whole camp compound was like pretty much all to ours since most people are on leave. I gymed this afternoon, and we had the whole gym to ourselves. Cool days.
I don't even know if things will be like this next year. I was reading the training schedule for the next few months and I was accidentally reading pass march 11th and I was like " aw shit there's this on say this date". and someone was like " you'll be gone by then". it's pretty happy mood now here and everyone's like smiling because they either have 42 days of 72 days left. And it helps when there are other people Ord-ing like 1 year later than you around you. just makes you wanna rub it in. it's a joyous time of the year, and ord is a once in a life time experience. it's that transcendental awesome freedom that we're all looking forward to. now I have a 5 day weekend again. say what up.
I don;t think i'll have to do duty anymore. there's no much Pt in the morning and there's like off in lieus written all over Jan and Feb. looks like this is gonna be a swift 72 days. c'mon.c'mon.
I don't even know if things will be like this next year. I was reading the training schedule for the next few months and I was accidentally reading pass march 11th and I was like " aw shit there's this on say this date". and someone was like " you'll be gone by then". it's pretty happy mood now here and everyone's like smiling because they either have 42 days of 72 days left. And it helps when there are other people Ord-ing like 1 year later than you around you. just makes you wanna rub it in. it's a joyous time of the year, and ord is a once in a life time experience. it's that transcendental awesome freedom that we're all looking forward to. now I have a 5 day weekend again. say what up.
I don;t think i'll have to do duty anymore. there's no much Pt in the morning and there's like off in lieus written all over Jan and Feb. looks like this is gonna be a swift 72 days. c'mon.c'mon.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Christmas in G minor
I slept my Christmas away.
Under the blanket. Under the soft effect of Chopin nocturnes, I really had a good afternoon nap. The weather was calm, the breeze was moderate-just-nice and everything fell into place. I've been sleeping a lot lately, I know.
This year's Christmas made me think about a lot of things. Perhaps it is my own expectations that brought everything down. On it's eve, I hung out with new friends of a few months, gotta say it was awkward at times because somehow I suddenly realize I have no close friends to spent the day with. Loneliness, if you sum it up. Memories of last year's Christmas stream in and assault me relentlessly. Having a good memory is cool in school but for such things it sucks. I can even remember the stuff to the detail that happened last Christmas. This Christmas made me wonder if I am totally over you. I mean, not that it matters because you don't pick up my calls or reply my messages anyway. But yeah, this year, I somehow just want to hide under my blanket and live in last year's world.
Of course, Christmas is not Valentine's day or a gift exchanging day or whatever. It is the birth of Christ and we should not be overly concerned about worldly matters. But it is a definite thing that things like Santa, presents, romance, parties that will never cease to distract us. In actual fact, this is just another day on the calender. but the December wind is totally different. the wind that blows through the window this year is sad, it's bitter, it's lonely and it's in G minor.
To put myself back on track this year, I had set myself routines, goals, and expectations of myself. I have signed up for a lot this year. My piano diploma examination next year requires countless of hours of practice, the Sundown marathon which I intend to get a good reasonable timing for also requires countless of hours of sweating it out. Ultimately, I have thought about all the things in life I want to accomplish, and have been trying fervently to make myself more disciplined organized and more efficient. but this is the time of the year you start wondering why you're doing all this for.
Like I've told some people. the Christmas lights in town and all that festive season ain't very healthy to look at for single dudes like me. Because this is the time of the year you need someone's hand to hold. and you look around you, and there's no one that fits the bill NOR you can imagine yourself with. I mean, the person isn't just here. Or maybe you were with that person last year but she's gone now. So you wonder, how will the next person that enters your life be like. will it be soon? will it be five years down the road. Beats me. and that is a question that is bugging me. Because I don't even know if I'm ready. And once I'm in again, all the things I've been working for will somehow make way for this person, and my focus will be disrupted and everything will suddenly seem ironically "purposeful" despite doing all the "un-meaninful" thigns. C'mon dating can be quite a time waster right.
Somehow, i lay in bed. playing with my ipod touch. it's the same bed I laid on last year talking to her on the phone after Christmas caroling. it was the same bed I borrowed my brother's Mac book to web cam with her last Christmas morning. It was the same table which I made my card for her. And it was exactly 365 days ago when i received that awesome hand made card which was the most awesome card I have ever received.
Alright it is not often that I indulge in the most intimate of my memories these days. I don't think of her anymore on a daily basis. But this is the day (christmas) which I braced myself for quite sometime back. Changing church doesn't make things any better. because the warmth which I use to experience on Christmas isn't there and because of that relative comparison, things here at the new place feels cold and unwelcoming.
Christmas is over now and thank you but I wish to carry on with my own life. Going back to camp next monday night will probably help things. Back to piano practice and running and gyming. This festive season sucks I have gotta say.
Under the blanket. Under the soft effect of Chopin nocturnes, I really had a good afternoon nap. The weather was calm, the breeze was moderate-just-nice and everything fell into place. I've been sleeping a lot lately, I know.
This year's Christmas made me think about a lot of things. Perhaps it is my own expectations that brought everything down. On it's eve, I hung out with new friends of a few months, gotta say it was awkward at times because somehow I suddenly realize I have no close friends to spent the day with. Loneliness, if you sum it up. Memories of last year's Christmas stream in and assault me relentlessly. Having a good memory is cool in school but for such things it sucks. I can even remember the stuff to the detail that happened last Christmas. This Christmas made me wonder if I am totally over you. I mean, not that it matters because you don't pick up my calls or reply my messages anyway. But yeah, this year, I somehow just want to hide under my blanket and live in last year's world.
Of course, Christmas is not Valentine's day or a gift exchanging day or whatever. It is the birth of Christ and we should not be overly concerned about worldly matters. But it is a definite thing that things like Santa, presents, romance, parties that will never cease to distract us. In actual fact, this is just another day on the calender. but the December wind is totally different. the wind that blows through the window this year is sad, it's bitter, it's lonely and it's in G minor.
To put myself back on track this year, I had set myself routines, goals, and expectations of myself. I have signed up for a lot this year. My piano diploma examination next year requires countless of hours of practice, the Sundown marathon which I intend to get a good reasonable timing for also requires countless of hours of sweating it out. Ultimately, I have thought about all the things in life I want to accomplish, and have been trying fervently to make myself more disciplined organized and more efficient. but this is the time of the year you start wondering why you're doing all this for.
Like I've told some people. the Christmas lights in town and all that festive season ain't very healthy to look at for single dudes like me. Because this is the time of the year you need someone's hand to hold. and you look around you, and there's no one that fits the bill NOR you can imagine yourself with. I mean, the person isn't just here. Or maybe you were with that person last year but she's gone now. So you wonder, how will the next person that enters your life be like. will it be soon? will it be five years down the road. Beats me. and that is a question that is bugging me. Because I don't even know if I'm ready. And once I'm in again, all the things I've been working for will somehow make way for this person, and my focus will be disrupted and everything will suddenly seem ironically "purposeful" despite doing all the "un-meaninful" thigns. C'mon dating can be quite a time waster right.
Somehow, i lay in bed. playing with my ipod touch. it's the same bed I laid on last year talking to her on the phone after Christmas caroling. it was the same bed I borrowed my brother's Mac book to web cam with her last Christmas morning. It was the same table which I made my card for her. And it was exactly 365 days ago when i received that awesome hand made card which was the most awesome card I have ever received.
Alright it is not often that I indulge in the most intimate of my memories these days. I don't think of her anymore on a daily basis. But this is the day (christmas) which I braced myself for quite sometime back. Changing church doesn't make things any better. because the warmth which I use to experience on Christmas isn't there and because of that relative comparison, things here at the new place feels cold and unwelcoming.
Christmas is over now and thank you but I wish to carry on with my own life. Going back to camp next monday night will probably help things. Back to piano practice and running and gyming. This festive season sucks I have gotta say.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
why runs are fun
I just ran 21.0km for the second time this week. it was painful, yes, on my knees, legs, especially the thighs and the after effects are awesomely tiring. But it was worth it. Because I feel so refreshed. the thing about running is you can never have a cynical run. you can never run feeling so worthless or skeptical about life because you are supposedly supposed to muster as much positive energy and encourage yourself through the miles. even when you're legs feel like they cannot carry on, you have to.
My timing, 2 hours and 8 minutes. It's slow I know. Im never gonna hit my target of 4'30 for next year's Sundown (my first 42km by the way). I want a good first try that I can be proud about. But long distance running can really be painfully fun somehow. I mean, emo kids should serious try running instead of like slashing themselves. it's painful, yes, but in a healthy way.
I guess it's the Christmas season. a bad time of the year for single dudes because it DOES get lonely sometimes when everyone is like dating and you're left alone. Not exactly left, but hey, I'm only 20. it's not time yet, thats what they all say. oh well. running is the best thing you can do because it makes you feel healthy and keeps you occupied so that you don't think about "foolishly" committing yourself to a relationship OR spending your time hooking up with girls. Anyway, being single is still more productive in terms of accomplishing what you want in life.
the lights of town make me reflect sometimes about last year. What have changed. 2010 was a tough year. My life took a big change. my meaning in life suddenly had to take a drastic change. the me before I enlisted probably did not imagine the me who is going to ORD soon. at times, I miss 2009's December. I don't know if you still think about last year. But it was happy memories wasn't it. anyway, I try not to think too much into the past. Moving on is fine. and running (again) makes things much better .I'm stronger, better, faster now. My piano is improving and I'm just a whisker away from the magic ORD date. life is surely better.
runs are funs. And it takes my mind away from alot of unnessecary bitter, unhappy, sorrowful thoughts. because I think a glass of water after a long run makes you appreciate life for what it is.
My timing, 2 hours and 8 minutes. It's slow I know. Im never gonna hit my target of 4'30 for next year's Sundown (my first 42km by the way). I want a good first try that I can be proud about. But long distance running can really be painfully fun somehow. I mean, emo kids should serious try running instead of like slashing themselves. it's painful, yes, but in a healthy way.
I guess it's the Christmas season. a bad time of the year for single dudes because it DOES get lonely sometimes when everyone is like dating and you're left alone. Not exactly left, but hey, I'm only 20. it's not time yet, thats what they all say. oh well. running is the best thing you can do because it makes you feel healthy and keeps you occupied so that you don't think about "foolishly" committing yourself to a relationship OR spending your time hooking up with girls. Anyway, being single is still more productive in terms of accomplishing what you want in life.
the lights of town make me reflect sometimes about last year. What have changed. 2010 was a tough year. My life took a big change. my meaning in life suddenly had to take a drastic change. the me before I enlisted probably did not imagine the me who is going to ORD soon. at times, I miss 2009's December. I don't know if you still think about last year. But it was happy memories wasn't it. anyway, I try not to think too much into the past. Moving on is fine. and running (again) makes things much better .I'm stronger, better, faster now. My piano is improving and I'm just a whisker away from the magic ORD date. life is surely better.
runs are funs. And it takes my mind away from alot of unnessecary bitter, unhappy, sorrowful thoughts. because I think a glass of water after a long run makes you appreciate life for what it is.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Taiwan 2010 part 1
I was considering a more flashy, introspective, or cool title. but I guess simplicity counts. I don't want looking back to archives to find something like "the meaning of Chinese" or "a summary in tea leaves and jade dragons" or something along those lines. Back to the point. I just returned from a 7 day Taiwan holiday package with my family. I won't go into the details, but basically this was a good break from routine life. I've never been to a free and easy overseas trip so I wouldn't know. but tour seems pretty cool when people around ain't that bad or easy to hang out with, and plus everything is catered so you can just lay back and relax.
So yes, I've been to a lot more places for holidays than your average guy in Singapore. Some of my friends' virgin flight was to Claymore for exercise. That is pretty sad, but again, there is nothing absolutely nothing wrong with that. Every year, I have to drag a gigantic bag and go along to a random unvisited before destination. It's almost a tradition now, it's a ritual, and i don't think my family can live a year without going for a holiday at the end of the year. maybe things will change when the older brothers grow older or maybe we get sick of it someday. there are places which I have yet to visit. yes. the more nearby ones like Malaysia and Vietnam, I haven't been there before. And there are lots of exotic countries which I have yet to set foot upon. It's almost like it's becoming a collection. Since I'm not really an avid fan of the "live the moment" kind of paradigm, I find the best way of appreciating overseas endeavors is to keep them like a collection. it's like a "to-do" list and with each trip your list grows. And yes, it's pretty cool when you name a place and I go "ah yes I have been there". It's hard to find somewhere there is "standard repertoire" for holidays which I haven't been to. Korea, Japan, Taiwan, China,Thailand, Taiwan almost all the popular places in Europe, and almost the entire Australia (state by state, yes). I've been there all. I guess I'll have a good idea of where's good to go for my honeymoon next time! AND, traveling ain't really my cup of tea anyway.
I have to say that the people in the trip does affect how it goes. It is amusing how my family can sit down and "gossip" about other people's habits or shortcomings at the end of the day. Of course, we would crack a joke or two about the uncle who spent 3000 SGD on a jade dragon which seems nothing more like a overweight paperweight to me. I mean, it can't even move it's claws or anything like lego or toy dragons which you can easily buy at Toy'saurus for a 20 bucks.
Pressure tactics are really rampant. They put you in a room, start talking about how good their product is. Or maybe indirectly try to promote their product (but it is still freaking obvious). then they get uniformed staff to come in and try to personally "pressure" people into buying. this unethical method of doing business is ridiculous. Think of it, if the product is that good, do they have to resort to such means? nay. I would say, that I've seen so many of these that sometimes it scares me to see people fall for their trap. health products or feng shui equipments always promise prosperity. but I can sell you a piece of stone on the ground and come out with a 100 page thesis on how it can make you smarter. Do you think I'll become rich. Maybe? but this is so wrong.
Places of interest that were actually interesting were definitely lacking. Mainly because there were too many trips to temples and it's variations. I have to say Chinese architecture does not appeal to me. It's true that temples and churches etc are all religious landmarks but in my humble opinion (and to no one's offense). churches are more artistically constructed. and people wow at a pipe organ and beautiful windows compared to a gigantic Buddha. There were a lot of traditional visits which, well, does not really appeal to me either. It's like places you go and you know you'll be just trying to amuse yourself or try to psych yourself into the "this is tradition" kind of mood to be able to endure through the entire place/show.
I'm kinda sleepy. it's 5 in the morning. time to go to bed! Continue tomorrow.
So yes, I've been to a lot more places for holidays than your average guy in Singapore. Some of my friends' virgin flight was to Claymore for exercise. That is pretty sad, but again, there is nothing absolutely nothing wrong with that. Every year, I have to drag a gigantic bag and go along to a random unvisited before destination. It's almost a tradition now, it's a ritual, and i don't think my family can live a year without going for a holiday at the end of the year. maybe things will change when the older brothers grow older or maybe we get sick of it someday. there are places which I have yet to visit. yes. the more nearby ones like Malaysia and Vietnam, I haven't been there before. And there are lots of exotic countries which I have yet to set foot upon. It's almost like it's becoming a collection. Since I'm not really an avid fan of the "live the moment" kind of paradigm, I find the best way of appreciating overseas endeavors is to keep them like a collection. it's like a "to-do" list and with each trip your list grows. And yes, it's pretty cool when you name a place and I go "ah yes I have been there". It's hard to find somewhere there is "standard repertoire" for holidays which I haven't been to. Korea, Japan, Taiwan, China,Thailand, Taiwan almost all the popular places in Europe, and almost the entire Australia (state by state, yes). I've been there all. I guess I'll have a good idea of where's good to go for my honeymoon next time! AND, traveling ain't really my cup of tea anyway.
I have to say that the people in the trip does affect how it goes. It is amusing how my family can sit down and "gossip" about other people's habits or shortcomings at the end of the day. Of course, we would crack a joke or two about the uncle who spent 3000 SGD on a jade dragon which seems nothing more like a overweight paperweight to me. I mean, it can't even move it's claws or anything like lego or toy dragons which you can easily buy at Toy'saurus for a 20 bucks.
Pressure tactics are really rampant. They put you in a room, start talking about how good their product is. Or maybe indirectly try to promote their product (but it is still freaking obvious). then they get uniformed staff to come in and try to personally "pressure" people into buying. this unethical method of doing business is ridiculous. Think of it, if the product is that good, do they have to resort to such means? nay. I would say, that I've seen so many of these that sometimes it scares me to see people fall for their trap. health products or feng shui equipments always promise prosperity. but I can sell you a piece of stone on the ground and come out with a 100 page thesis on how it can make you smarter. Do you think I'll become rich. Maybe? but this is so wrong.
Places of interest that were actually interesting were definitely lacking. Mainly because there were too many trips to temples and it's variations. I have to say Chinese architecture does not appeal to me. It's true that temples and churches etc are all religious landmarks but in my humble opinion (and to no one's offense). churches are more artistically constructed. and people wow at a pipe organ and beautiful windows compared to a gigantic Buddha. There were a lot of traditional visits which, well, does not really appeal to me either. It's like places you go and you know you'll be just trying to amuse yourself or try to psych yourself into the "this is tradition" kind of mood to be able to endure through the entire place/show.
I'm kinda sleepy. it's 5 in the morning. time to go to bed! Continue tomorrow.
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