Happy

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!

Clap Clap

Ignore me, I'm just happy because tomorrow is a holiday. Friday is a slacking day cum prelude to weekends. Elated.

I finally tried out my 3 pages on my variations on a theme on canon. It's freaking hard, well, I would say there are several errors here and there, but I know that it's definitely going to take some time to master if I would to seriously learn it (and continue writing). It's very much an etude.I'll post it up when the final version is up.[note:will take a long time] (hopefully including recordings). So far there are insane leaps, pinky trills, appregios, jumping notes all over the place. Not for the faint hearted.

Ahh well, yes, school again. They had this talk during assembly. Another talk which I am very against. This time round, I think they were highlighting the importance of CIP, and how important is in university admission. Seriously, I don't mind the concept of CIP, the entire thing sounds great and somewhat consoling for a sympathy-lacking nation like Singapore. Lending a helping hand is definitely something positive, but when everything is done too systematically or involuntarily, it becomes unnatural, constipated, forced and the meaning of CIP itself diminishes along with it. I mean, if the purpose of CIP is to teach students to lend a helping hand, I believe it's a good motive, but when they have to go to the extent to have to critically emphasize it's importance and force people to take part,things become totally trashy. What irks me is the tone of coercion that is being used. On the surface they highlight it's benefits, by underlying beneath their words you can hear a scoffing warning tone as if trying to tell you what you would miss out if you don't comply.

And then the student portfolio and so on. All waste of time. If society has to reach a point where people are judged (no matter how minor) by how much hours of their life (yes, that is time) they contribute to society (also translates as free labor), what kind of degrading society will that be.

I use to say the amount of CIP hours a person manages to get is either proportional to 1) how big his heart is OR 2) how dumb a person can be. Usually, more often then not, it's usually the latter because most youths do CIP for the sake of those freaking hours that will eventually accumulate and give them a "better name". (at least that's the concept the school is trying to sell).

Let's just say, I transcend beyond standard, superficial attitude to a level whereby I can safely scoff at CIP-hour hungry people.

And one point I would like to bring up, if contributing to the nation is compulsory, males should be definitely excused from any form of CIP. Perhaps even picking up the tissue to throw in the bin could be taboo. We waste 2 years in National service. Why not leave all the say hi bye to old men in pre-underground centers to the females. Seriously, if men would to have to serve NS, and everyone is bitching about gender equality, make the females do 1 year of full-time CIP. (or sweep the streets) That ought to balance things up. But sadly, gender equality is definitely not established. We're in a society where the weak is protected.

Flame bait, but who cares.

School passed swiftly today. I got quite pissed at the attempt at coercion during assembly. Totally unnecessary. The basis and foundation of a Singaporean perspective judgment is totally off the scale. It's time we stop trying to measure how the numbers on a metre rule would affect it's colour.

And yes, physics practical. We had a very unusual topic. On tennis rackets. I like such topics, as opposed to the classical type of questions. It was meant to be an experiment to investigate tension. We were asked to plan an experiment involving several rackets and choosing the best racket by determining several variables. We are asked to select the best racket and purchase them for the national team. How glamorous (if you were wondering, it's pure fiction)I will not go into detail.

But the entire class identified TENSION of the STRINGS as their main independent variable.

Now how is this totally screwed up. Firstly, by common sense, you would know that the tension of a racket is not determined by a racket, but by how hard you want your strings to be. You order a racket, and then buy the strings. Racket manufacturers sell rackets usually without strings because players tend to have their preferences for tension, brand of string, type of string, and other rackets.

So, the string isn't necessarily part of a racket. Usually, when a racket is being evaluated, it is judged solely as a raw racket, a piece of metal, without strings and even any grip tape.

I cannot believe that no one managed to actually relate with my logic. Everyone just happily went to test for the tension. Well, it was the standard procedure, Mdm Ong totally approved it, in fact it was meant to be the standard method for the question.

I refused to do the tension method, going by my principles. Reason being, well I just stated above. I was paired with Jonathan phua and we came up with a (though flawed) experiment based on the center of gravity of the racket and distance traveled upon impact.

No one managed to realize that a string is not part of a racket. (at least when manufacturing is concerned/or racket specs)

Even though I suck at physics, I have at least some common sense. Being so addicted to badminton rackets in the past and having read on some of more detailed analysis of tennis/badminton rackets, I really cannot come to a compromise that the tension can be evaluated as a specification of a racket.

Burned out

The clock reads 2:11Am. I'm burned out, still awake. Writing my very own variations on the theme by pachelbel's canon in d. Feeling so tired after having analyzed several variations and both freaking in different keys. I was thinking of modulating but was too lazy, (I even wanted to go from D major to C# minor). I'm around bar 37 of composition, which is 3 pages according to my handwriting. It's not going to be easy because I wrote it with the intention of it being an etude. Of course, there are tons of arpeggios, double octave leaps, 4,5 finger thrills, staccato in thirds. I still retain the melody (if not why is it based on canon in d), but at some point I was thinking of whether to sacrifice the "canon genre" for more etude character.

But now when I look at it, I don't think I can play it without practice, let alone sight read it. (despite having written it myself). the melody so far is exactly the same (except for maybe adding more notes, more jumps, melodic lines shifting between hands etc), but intend to add my own variations towards the end.

Wasted my entire night which was intended to study a little of chemistry. I wouldn't say wasted. I'm quite satisfied with my work as of now, I haven't tested it. Hopefully it's playable.

All that effort, just because I love canon in d's melody but the actual is way freaking easy.

I intend to make a new layout quite soon, and then open my blog to the public again. I'm just thinking of stuff like the theme of the layout. Inspiration is actually a few notches harder to achieve then the technical stuff. Since now I have photoshop, things are going to be a lot easier.

I felt drugged today, as if I was forcefully put to sleep. Around early noon I started feeling nauseas, drowsiness. It wasn't natural sleepiness for sure (the difference between natural sleepiness and induced sleepiness is definitely distinct and evidently noticeable), then I lay at the sofa and fell asleep for many hours. What a complete waste of an afternoon. Worst was, I woke up still feeling totally overwhelmed by sleepiness. I was like a zombie, till I had some coffee to sort of wake me up. Intriguing thing was, I slept sufficient last night, and thus, I have no explanation why I felt so irresistibly sleepy.

I think I should be hitting some notes later.(maybe for 30 minutes or so I hope) I don't like the feeling of feeling "blankness" when seeing an assignment you know nothing about. That happened to the chemical equilibrium assignment. Seriously, the way I tried to smoke (probably to no avail), will probably set the fire alarm off. And I mean it. Tomorrow is mid week, Wednesday. Time sure flies, and then Thursday is a hol-hol-holiday!

I like narrating the obvious.

Reading 'counterpoint' on the net. I don't understand a thing!

Progress, the rate of change of improvement,is an intangible yet indispensable source of motivation.

PS: I find out using an auto-spell checker while blogging that my spelling sucks. I could spell easy words wrongly. Man, I must go back to kindergarten.

And new mission includes, training my left hand to be able to write neater than my right hand. At least learning something new is definitely easier as opposed to relearning. And thus, Ty's left hand rule states that you have you write everything you can in left hand.

I like this week. Right hand grip rule with current going upwards man! (thumbs up!). "3 day week", slurps.

Oh and so sorry that

I ponned school because the week needed symmetry.

If you don't get what I mean, take a look at this (kindly).

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday

as contrasted with :

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday

Actually, I overslept. :)

Alright, I am just being so senseless. Back to the point. I don't really know what to do today, all I know is I need to go make a new pair of glasses. Not being in school doesn't mean much to me, I don't pay attention (at least much) in school either. There's a test on Summation and Mathematical induction on Friday and my notes are all blank, tutorial all undone, and most sadly I know nothing about these topics. I just have to keep consoling myself that there's still a lot of time, after all I learn things rapidly, so it's fine to be very laid back right now.

I'm feeling rejuvenated and alive. So alive that I can almost feel energy overwhelming within me, my brain and my thoughts. It's like "chakra" engulfing me. Somehow, I think I slept well last night or is it because I woke up at 10am instead of 7am. In other words, I slept in, and that is why I am not in school. People is definitely going to shoot me for this. I have parents who gladly let me sleep in, they try to get me to wake up, and if they know I'm tired, they won't let me go to school. I have parents who let me do whatever I want, play all I want because they trust that I can do things properly on the last minute. They trust in my ability, and that is what I need most. I loathe skeptical freaks.

With such a laid back attitude, I don't think I will ever achieve my potential, thus, I am forever underachieving. But it's fine with me, there are things where you have a goal, a direction but there are some paths not illuminated yet. No matter how laid back I am, I will still get into a university and so why try so hard. I'm not aiming for law, or medicine (in fact, I totally cannot imagine myself in those professions). I just want to study some form of art, or maybe social sciences.

Desperate and ambitions

We just had a Napfa test which lasted till 7:30. Been a long time since I walk home in the dark (and by the eerie canal), staggering at the weight of my bag (filled with clothes and one year of notes), and the fatigue of the 2.4km run. It felt eerie enough to remind me of the Prelude in C# minor which I happen to be playing right now. (ok, that was unnecessary but I just had to mention it). I'm not going to post my scores because I happen to be very unfit at this point of time I happen to take the test. My 2.4 km run I managed to recover a little of my stamina and managed to finish in the early 11s, which is way far from my record time. (but note that after not exercising for approx 3/4 a year, I got late 13s in my last run.) which you can conclude that I improved by 3 minutes in just one run. (which kind of proves that recovery is steady). I intend to retake my 2.4km run, and hopefully enter in the As, once again. But somehow, the way I run now, and how much I have to struggle, simply clouds my memory, causing me start to disbelieve my past timing of 9 minute. (which was approx 1.5 years back).

As usual, I was lacking in strength. I failed pull ups horribly but I am determined to up it to a five in one month. (at least some told me it's possible), it's time to be less half-hearted and do things more seriously. I have been relying on assisted pull ups once every 3 days and that definitely is not enough to increase my pull-a-bility. What a pity. Not exactly disappointed but I knew my forte was not at arm strength. For some reason or another, I have poor standing broad jump technique, which resulted in one inadequate measurement and another with my hand sticking at the 100+ range (which is again, another pity) because my legs were at 230. I definitely can make it, but the only thing I have to do is learn how to jump without hindering myself.

On the whole, I was surprised my sit and reach can manage a C (i stretched and stretched desperately last minute because I was afraid I could fail), disappointed with my shuttle runs (however, in my opinion, s-runs are more of technique than agility, just like s-broad-jumps).

It was overall ok, the only thing was not ok was the fact that it ended so late and ate up so much of my precious time. I have one station to retake (and properly learn how to swing and jump) and another to train for. I find myself lacking in arm strength and to even think I was a badminton player once. But wait, Badminton players do not necessarily have thick bulky strength endurance muscles. I believe our muscles (for me) used to be concentrated at the wrist area, and a little of the forearm. However, these muscles are fast muscles and probably not help much in strength based pull-ups. Again, what a pity. Time to go full force.

What a rant. Another point, we were sort into "details" which were basically groups and merged with another class. The other group of guys we were paired up together with were l33t. And I mean, l33t. They were 1st, extremely versatile in all stations, perfectly fit and mostly were in their 9s for 2.4km run. They started off the run sprinting to the point they probably lapped me quite early. Quite scary. Again what a pity. if it was last year, I could have been of some match, but only on the track.

It's a sauna in my room and the fan is on and everything is perfectly fine, except that I'm perspiring for no reason.

Back to the real world

I need to learn more music theory on composition. If you realize I've been playing recently nothing but etudes (which translates into technical pieces for study, explaination for non-musical people). Usually they are tough, and an easiest one (which is rather rare) is of Grade 8 standard (op25-2 probably). they are playable but I admit they are NOT perfectible at my level right now. Perhaps in the future.

For me right now, all I want to aim is for the virtuosity path. To gain as much technical ability as my fingers can absorb per day. To feel improvement every single day is great gratification (better than the me of yesterday-is a good principle I believe).

My another ambition (aside from technical aspects), is to someday write compositions. Perhaps not original compositions (because the me right now lacks motives as well as inspiration, unless I become so inspiration-struck in the future). I intend to write variations/transcribe on easy pieces, overplayed pieces. (for example, the "ballade pour adeline down into the toilet bowl" or overplayed Richard clapclapman's pieces which are below jerkwater pieces, though melodic, but somehow lacking in difficulty, and maybe canon in d, fur elise or whatsoever), into harder, tougher (or maybe seemingly difficulty) pieces resembling etudes. And that is why I need that technical ability to play what I create.

Other than that, sonatas, and other forms of compositions will be just side quests for me. My compass is pointing towards the etudes, and technical ability. I will not waver.

My source of motivation for transcribing overplayed easy pieces is fueled by how these pieces seem harder than what they actually are (when they are freaking easy).

fast forward

Oh well I wanted to blog yesterday but laziness overwhelmed me. My internet connection has been very unstable lately. Just yesterday my net just died, abruptly. I knew it was just another troublesome error with the router and the modem, and I vaguely recall how I solved it the other time (with some help from starhub's customer care hotline). Feeling like a noob (and especially when I am supposed to have good memory, I felt extremely vexed at trying to recall the steps. Mind you, I have unorthodox connections of wires between three objects (the PC, the modem and the router). and so I was extremely determined not to seek any assistance, but in the end, this noob typing this had to call starhub to get the same information which he did about 3 months ago.

And I found out I just had to remove the cables and pluck them back in in a certain order.

I'm super fatigued. Tired, worn out. and I sprained my ankle somehow, I don't know why and when. But don't tell me it's due pressing too much pedal. (I'm just kidding though).

Forget it, I wanted to post more, but I'm going straight to bed.

I feel strange.

Better than yesterday

For starters, let me try something amusing I've found. (especially with my type of playlist)

How to Play

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. No cheating.
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.
5. Tag 5 people.

How are you feeling today?

~Beethoven Piano Sonata Op 13 Pathetique Movement 2

I hope it's not "pathetic", but well. a very melancholic movement, I guess. But it's relaxing. So true enough, if music is what emotions sound like, thats probably what my mood is right now.


Will you get far in life?

Schubert Impromptu D899 in A flat (Op90)

(I really can't comment on this)

How do your friends see you?

Chopin Nocturne Op 62 no1.

(truthfully this nocturne has the most catchy start I've heard {apart from the Op9 nocturnes)

!!! I bet I must have been sleeping too much in school !!!

Will you get married?

Liszt Paganini Etude (La Campenella)

Infers that it is trying to say that it is extremely difficult to get married, but once I get the hang of it, it will be beautiful.


This is mainly played on higher octaves, which usually represents a female voice the entire duration of the piece. (oh no!)


What’s your best friend’s theme song?

Bach Prelude in C minor from the Well Tempered Clavier.

Ahh, now whose going to be my best friend!!!

What is the story of your life?


Chopin Op 27-1 Nocturne in C sharp minor!

No!!!!! I'm not going to be sleeping my entire life!. But at least it's in my favourite key!

How was high school like?

Chopin Heroic Polonaise Op 53.

I was no hero -.-||

How can you get ahead in life?

Beethoven Piano Sonata Op 31 Tempest 2nd movement

Sandwiched between two rapidly torrential tempestuous movements, are you trying to say I should try to slow down since this movement is so slow...

What is the best things of your friends?

Beethoven Piano Sonata Op 2 no 1 in F minor

(well, maybe, not very popular sonata, but I can appreciate it, and that's why it's on my playlist)


What’s in store for this weekend?

Chopin Etude Op 10-4 in C Sharp Minor (Torrent etude)

JACKPOT!!!

Describe your grandparents

Ginastera Sonata #1 2nd movement Presto misterioso

I don't know much about this piece, and that says reflects reality pertaining to the my relationship with my grandparents

How’s your life going?

Chopin Etude Op 25-2 in F minor (the bees)

Yes, ONE BIG MESS.

What song will they play at your funeral?

Debussy L'isle Joyeuse

I quite like this choice, I like the piece I meant. But no, Debussy composed this, in times of happiness. and it's definitely not suited for a funeral!!!

How does the world see you?

Chopin Nocturne Op 55 no 1 in F minor

No, let me tell you I'm awake and alive now, I don't always sleep! Or am I so gloomy?

Will you have a happy life?

Schubert Impromptu in E-flat Major D899 Op 90

It seems my life is so unplanned, impromptu. But this piece seems cheerful enough (and it's in major key), I'm assuming a yes as an answer.

Do people secretly lust after you?

Chopin Scherzo no 2 in B flat minor

(no comments, seriously, after all Scherzo=playfully)


How can you make yourself happy?

Fantasie Impromptu

0.o Takes note and finds score

What should you do with your life?

Beethoven symphony No 9 (scherzo)

(I don't know how to comment)


Will you ever have children?

Beethoven Piano Sonata Appasionata Op 57 in F minor 1st movement

(maybe if I'm passionate enough, and be as spastic as Lang Lang when he plays this)

What song would you strip to?

Beethoven Piano Sonata Tempest Op 31-2 in D minor 1st movement

This is SOOO wrong

What does your mum think of you?

Mozart Sonata K332 movement 1

(I'm definitely not cheerful, neither am I a prodigy so yeah, shuffling mistake)

What is your deep, dark secret?

Brahms Variations on a theme by Paganini

What is your mortal enemy’s theme song?

Beethoven Piano Sonata Op 13 Pathetique Movement 1-Grave

(suitable, yeps, suitable to a very large extent. I can imagine. But I have no mortal enemies)

What is your personality like?

Chopin Ballade in G minor

(you know, it's weird because sometimes I love to listen to this, yet sometimes I hate it!)

What song would be played at your wedding?

Rachmaninoff 2nd Piano concerto Movement 1

Woots. Woots woots woots woots

The deadly tag of doom goes out to....

*drum rolls*

no one!


I just had to feel the satisfaction of raping such a lameass quiz. but I had fun, because my playlist was too unconventional. For those who can understand, good for you. For those who don't, too bad! :)


Either way, back to the real world. ( I usually refrain from posting after quizzes).

School was well, very slack today. Had 3.5 hours of freedom. Because there was no Gp lesson, I ponned math lecture because I can't see a damn thing. And school ends at a very wonderful time of 2pm today. I spend much of my time in the hall though, of the free time. Briefly got to finally sit down and watch a game of bridge today, and finally understanding a little of it. I understand theoretically, but I have zero exp. Hope to harvest some soon.

Well, weekends are going to come again! And I'm so happy.

I only strive to be significantly better than the me of yesterday, but just that alone is extremely difficult.

Deadly Sin which is not a graph!

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	High
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Medium
Pride:	High

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Found this while surfing some waves some blogs. I'm so sinful! Gasp. (though there is truth in the proportion, perhaps not the intensity, just the proportion yups)

But wow, sloth and pride. Definitely. (I saw that coming).

My keyboard and table seems to be infested with ants!!

Learn to walk before you can run. Something very important which I learnt today. One can be ambitious, but not impatient.

I know I should stop being a self-proclaimed introvert though.

Solitude part 2

It seems like time passes quickly when you have things to do. (reads:I am very busy). Oh well. I really got to say I have no mood to 1) catch up on the ten tutorials I have accumulated over all my subjects 2) pay attention in class 3) talk to anybody (with the exception of some people). I just have to use my rainbow magic on words which are meant to be emphasized because ten tutorials is an insane number that might be record breaking, oh wait, maybe not, Jlam shares the same number as me. Not to mention I just failed one physics test and died a horrible death in another chemistry assignment. Just desserts.

Well mid week is here again (almost) and weekends just a few days away. Can't wait!

Only one person knows my secret lifetime ambition. HEHEHEHE (goes spastic).

Again, I'm going to continue my solitude lifestyle.

Deflecting onto anomaly

I'm not in school! Yaye! Let's say I just don't feel like going to school. I know playing truant is bad. But I see if I can achieve my goals without going to school, I don't see what's the problem. I'm super historic in terms of school work, being still 2 tutorials on average backwards from the class. I'm going to be a really gross anomaly if this keeps up. And I'm still persistently and insistently trying to deflect in that direction.

I guess I'll have to catch up my own way. first, I always sleep in school and I don't see how that's productive. I can't seem to see anything without my specs. And I find going to school just to fulfill attendance and then coming back home to catch up on work too taxing. I can't study in school, not even absorb the tiniest bit of information. Like I said, I'm better at isolation mode, studying at my own pace, at my own rate, in my own privacy. But that's just me.

Maybe I just wanted to go 8 hours on the piano again with another 8 hours of watching drama.

Been watching another drama "one missed called", which is a thriller, mystery, detective, supernatural series. It's super exciting. People receive a miss call on their phones and upon picking they realize it's a miss call. When they pick it up, they hear a voice message that will depict how the receiver will die. The time of the call is in the future, so they know when they will DIE. so far, everyone who received it HAD died. Quite scary at times, and what's better, we still don't know if the cause is human or supernatural! (till where I've watched).

Perhaps it's time to settle down to do something useful.

Isolation mode, is a perfect way to keep out trouble. Anything involves people are highly troublesome. I will just stay away from people, keep silent till I achieve my goals. The irony in life is that many people feel it's compulsion to have friends or to socialize. I am going to live in solitude. Don't talk to me until I attain what I want. My ideal life is definitely to live in isolation (for now). Thought over it many times, I just cannot deny that solitude is beautiful.

Looking forward to sleep

Fatigued, extremely.

As I woke up into semiconscious today, I imagined myself sleeping in and awakening at evening (trust me, that happened before).Then I gasp at the amount of time I lost and shiver in guilt. Then upon thinking such thoughts, I sprung alive from the bed.

My brother is doing a series of weird poses, push ups, random exercises right behind me and I can't help it but feel very disturbed.

I actually attended higher education day today. but I left relatively early after only listening to one talk by SMU. I could have figured that the rest of the talks were going to be about the same. Furthermore, I know many people in local universities I don't really have to rely on these talks to gain knowledge and clarify my doubts ( wait,I don't even have any doubts). It seems like their bottom line is that university life is a life of freedom (and fun?). Also, CCA records don't mean much if you have good grades (thumbs up!), and many people seem to gasp at the fees. Also, we've learn that mother tongue is of totally no importance.

Of course, that was only from SMU.

I was about to go on a relentless assault again the concept of cca being compulsory (or for this matter, even carrying any tiny bit of importance), but I decided I was too tired to phrase a well constructed argument that will totally put new and enlightening perspective in people's head. But judging how tired I am right now, I don't want to hate myself for posting something stupid. And in addition, I believe viewer ship will plummet due to restricted access. (inevitably?).

I realized I am an absolute privacy freak. I almost need absolute privacy to carry out simple procedures. For example, I dislike surfing the net when people are watching me, or even patrolling my room. (note:I was surfing pretty ordinary stuff). I cannot talk on the phone, (unless it's a conversation by seconds to settle some stuff), when there are people around (it's not like I'm chatting about anything confidential, I don't like my conversations heard by people). Some people can stand talking on the phone when people are around, but it's a big no-no for me.
I guess it's absolutely ironic because I tend to be very open about my thoughts to people in general, and I have no (or almost) secrets.

It happens that my house is extremely unsound proof. Any phone conversation can be heard anywhere on the same level, and if one doesn't close the door, the conversation can be listened to at a pretty audible extent downstairs. (that's why when people build houses, they should hire sound engineers!). I can't wait till I move into a bigger house with more soundproof walls, as well as a room for myself. Sigh. It's really crammed in my house right now. What a digress.

But who cares.

I am extremely fatigued for several reasons. Just returned from vivocity. Had dinner there, the usual oriental stuff. Somehow just going somewhere like vivocity which is like pretty much home-ish to many people out there, is just an excursion for me. It's like woah, traveling so far.

Still, I was rather disappointed with myself today, making no progress on the piano. Sometimes I really hate giving up. I dislike bowing down and saying " hey no, I can't play this piece", or "it's too hard". Sure, there are hundreds or thousands of pieces that are bound to be unplayable. Etudes are the majority of them (and the build in dictionary doesn't include ETUDE, what an insult!!!). An attempt at Op 10-4 is suicide. I tried reaching that two consecutive quaver leaps spanning one and a half octaves and frequently miss. Aww man, this is too demanding of dexterity to the extent that it is disturbing for me. But I haven't given up yet. Op1o-4 (coincidently, my birth date and my favorite chopin etude) is definitely something I will not give up again on (Ive given up once) I will just keep spamming and not bow down until I have conquered all the technical difficulties. (despite saying that I have just only finished at 2-3 lines of the piece) It seems like I'm at the stage where seemingly impossible virtuosity impresses me the most. Music=virtuosity. Flying fingers > musicality anytime. It's going to take sometime. Being a technician, for now, is my ultimate goal.

Countless freaky etudes, many equally demanding sonatas, and all sorts of challenging pieces. It's quite funny how people think that piano stops at grade 8 when it's the beginning.

I just hope to be better than the me of yesterday.

And thats the reason why I'm extremely fatigued now. Don't talk to me. I'm going on major isolation and antisocial mode until I can play op25-11 and op10-4 properly. Till then, I do not intend to interact much. And again, stupidly, I have to balance these etudes with the tempest sonata was well as exam pieces and misc. Spam, spam.

You can't say you play the piano yet until you can play half of all Chopin's etudes, completed like most of Beethoven's famous sonatas or equivalents.

Peach Banana

Again, the weekend is almost here. Friday tomorrow. I'm glad.

Well, I don't have much to blog about, and all I can do is to callow about how fatigued I am right now. I don't know how but just being in school is so tiring. Perhaps it's like when you're out of home, your energy drains at twice the rate for the same thing done or achieved, whether or not you like it. Again, it's my own theory. Perhaps, it's absolutely normal to be feeling drowsy right in the afternoon.

School passed by pretty swiftly today. But I'm just feeling too fatigued.

For the first time as I left school I happened to stop by the cafe, and bought something interesting as I was looking for something to drink as I walk home under the blazing dehydration inducing sun. I happened to randomly order a "banana peach" ice blended or whatever, and as it's name suggests, it's supposed to be banana and beach, blended together. An unorthodox combination perhaps?

I took a sip, it tasted, well, far better than what Ive imagined. As I waited I tried to visualize (perhaps visualize is not really specifically the right whole in this situation) it's taste. (Like I said, how can you literally visualize taste). I felt several sour vibes and chills up my body whenever I imagined. But it turned out well (maybe due to the excess of sugar). But still, I could distinctively taste the peach, and the banana together. Two things that logically don't go well together (banana, as I would have imagine having a very distinct taste and smell, while peach equally distinct as it's own flavour) actually meld into one.

I know I'm making a skyscraper out of a cottage, but I thought the taste was refreshing. I passed it to Jlam to taste. He complimented it and he later when he asked what it tasted like, instinctively, I said counterpoint.

Counterpoint in music, layman's term, is the combination of melodies. And in this case, I actually thought this banana peach drink tasted like a fugue! It's like listening to a fugue, but just with your tongue. How strange. Then we talked more, I was having a club sandwich on my other hand and we described it as an orchestra, but a symphony. Because there weren't any dominant tastes in it. For example, in a chicken to a chicken burger would be a flute to a flute concerto, while the mayo, lettuce, and other fillings just try to compliment the main voice.

Hope I made sense.

I try to be a solid by the day, and in the night, everything sublimes.

the 21 page marathon

Looks like I'm going to have to post about school again, which is where we poor students spend majority of our day.

The day started out kind of uneasy. I was wondering how many people (and especially Mr wong) is going to tell me that "I cut hair like never cut like that". And how Mr wong will summon the discipline committee and harass me. It wasn't a good feeling but I think I coped with it, at least I tried to convince myself to think optimistically. Not that I was afraid of punishment, or for this matter, troublesome intervention from the discipline committee, but I just found it too irksome, too retarded, too unproductive and a waste of my time and energy. That's sums it all, it just destroys my tranquility.

And then, after morning assembly I was called in. But to my surprise, there was no punishment, no detention, not even the single bit of sign of trouble. Just a nice talk by some discipline committee people, and it was too friendly that it seems too much like trying to coax a five year old baby. It was the soft approach. I didn't get to see the pudge. But it was a nice morning, learning that I get away unscathed for several "more serious than your average" offenses.

Then I get the most unhealthy, painful punishment in my stay in the college to date. The copying of a piece of chemistry lecture notes, specifically, chemical equilibrium notes. That's not exactly or literally one piece, it was a stack of them, spanning 27 pages. (which was later reduced to page 14-21 only). But it was too late! I copied pages 1-14 earlier during assembly because I didn't want to stay back too long. Worst mistake ever, I ended up copying 21 pages of lecture notes on 21 sides of 10 sheets of foolscap paper. No matter how adapt I was during primary school/secondary school days in punishment copying (writing lines and copying books), I was so rusty. The nerves on my hand seemed to be suffocating as I grit my teeth in endurance, my determination paid off, I finished like 30 minutes faster than the second runner up. All this, just for forgetting to do some chemistry thing on the portal on e-learning day yesterday. How unworthy.

It was a very extended day in school. Being forced to watch a debate on the united nations as part of GP enrichment. I couldn't see how it was enriching. Though I wasn't listening, I think content wise, it was rather decent. However, some speakers did have a detestable tone which is a total no-no in debates I presume. You don't want to turn your audience off immediately. I didn't like an excess of fake accents. Some people can pull it off well and that sets them apart, but trying and failing is worst then not trying. So hold your horses people and don't try that flashy fake accent until you're totally confident. I found it too artificial for my liking that I couldn't even listen without flinching. I found the Q and A rather refreshing though. Overall I think it was a decent 'performance", though flawed in many ways. It could have been a lot better, the standard was definitely not high . I should not have taken Bp's standard for granted. Finally the disparity strikes. And the miasma of restlessness relentlessly took the crowd by force. I had no choice other than sinking my head into my crumpler bag.

The entire day was marked with stupid events. We had a fire drill. Which was just "another procedure". I believe no one likes it, even teachers. They are (or rather everyone is) just so interrupted to the point that it was disturbing. Other than that, standing under the scorching sun was definitely not an incentive to this whole shitty procedure. Umbrellas became hip and hot, and everyone was fighting for shade. Some wanted to appear macho, while others resigned to the fate that they knew no one with an umbrella.

I found a shade under a tree behind the field across the track. Lay my bag and slept in peace. Until a group of J1 guys came up to me, (i was awoken by footsteps) they mistook me for the missing person that was frantically announced over and over over the PA. If I was that freaking person, I would not be sleeping with such tranquility. I was totally unnoticed, until a whole big group of strangers sat around me where I was hauled back to the field by teachers, the scorching sun, and the miasma of pungent perspiration.

Stupid day. It was too unproductive. But I can't help it right? I have learn that you cannot be truthful. You must be tactful with words, you cannot say a lesson is useless (or for this matter), because teachers are trained in NIE. It's recognized so I must recognize it as well. I cannot be truthful to the point I trespass another person's rice bowl.

Of course, if you did not sense the sarcasm, bang the wall.

Now if you would excuse me, I have a thousand grains of rice and some dead animal on my plate waiting for me.

Rants

I just cut my hair.

I wonder why people have such lofty standards for short hair. Guidelines now require guys to have a slope at the back of their heads. What do they FREAKING think? my head is a playground or what. If there's a slope, there might be mass movement (land slides) which is so hazardous woohoo! I'm applying geog knowledge.

Mr wong is notorious for catching people even though they just cut their hair yesterday. I feel worried for myself. Having cut my hair, it's still two times longer than your average joe. And I find it frigging short. I tell you, this is the shortest my hair will go now Ask me to cut anymore and I'll tell you to die seriously. I can seriously foresee many people going "got cut meh?". Ridiculous, if you are another slope-with-no-fringe-nerd worshiper, just go and die. Long is defined by shoulder length, moderate is where my hair was last time and short is just anything that isn't moderate or long.

I will seriously stuff some moth balls up that person's arse if he tells me my hair is still long.

(and if you're guessing, it's still touching my collar but that's the most I'm going to drop the length on the back)

I don't see how they should bother so much about hair length when they have tons of female lians in our school with colored hair.

Seriously, school is starting to become ridiculous. You dislike a lesson, find it unproductive, you want to go home earlier so that you have more time to do other stuff and you get harassed, and mocked at by teachers. What is the freaking problem. Tons of people in our class stay every week on fridays for the useless GP lesson, and half of them got Us. So is this what you define as the productivity of a lesson. Or are we bound to lessons no matter even if we don't need them. or rather, find them of totally no use. I guess we are often judged for having no creativity, no initiative, don't know what's good for ourselves. If I voice out and say that wasting 3 hours of friday afternoon every week for something not useful at all is felony, I get marked as rebellious. And if I have a vastly higher sense of discernment I get marked for breaking the rules. Is this how a college would treat their students, like babies? No freedom in own method of learning. People learn in different ways. I can't handle lectures because I get drowsy, so what? I am confined to the lecture hall like once everyday and nothing goes in. Does that mean I must eventually adapt to this orthodox method of learning when I can just get the notes and find a quiet corner in the school to digest the information on my own. And I can gurantee anyone that I will get hauled to the discipline committee just because of that.

This is a school whereby a college is supposed to nurture everyone's own individual style of learning and whereby a machination scheme should not be enforced. It's not a factory, don't put a cohort in a lecture hall, feed them 'food' and send them for tests. Then end of the year, sent to the slaughterhouse and that is when they see how productive their "force feed" was.

Of course, I should have known. The general studying methods don't apply to me. I'm better off a private candidate. And I seriously should have known. I have treated the school not as a school but just as a ground where I get my material. Half of the time, I'm asleep in school (or more), I just make use of the tests, exams, materials and teachers more often than not, what I learn is all by myself at home. I had decided to choose which lessons to attend, decide which are beneficial and which days are totally not productive and if they are not, I will not attend.

A normal shallow average person would think I'm out of the mind. Someone who cannot appreciate or understand, someone who have gone through too much brainwashing by the authoritative system of Singapore will not understand how often the authority is wrong. Of course, it occurs to me that it definitely takes the above-average confidence (or for this matter arrogance), to criticize a system.

I thought of dropping out, perhaps taking as a private candidate.Definitely a very tempting option. Mind you, to me now, the school is like more of a deterrence than anything. But a levels have been registered and I can't back out now (or register privately for that matter). I guess I just have to live with it for several months. As of now, I just cannot wait for the June holidays to come, as well as for school to finally end in a few months where the long period of study break will come in.

Now as I look forward, I only look towards the holidays (more of the study yourself break). Whereby I can convert the time in school to a period of concentrated self training at home. It's not a matter of perspective. This isn't something that is debatable. It's something I am more suited for.

Today E learning day was well, a bad attempt by the school. Of course, I think it would pass as a good joke. Flooded school portal caused me not to be able to do any of the assignments when I logged in this morning. Of course, the free holiday was nice.

The next holiday is in approx 16 days time. 1st may. If I really get too sick of school I'm going to make my own holidays. In slightly more than a months time, would be june holidays.

It's time to head to bed. I'm going to keep my blog private for the time being, lest I get annoyed by dumb anonymous people (no pun intended). And I can foresee that the nature of my posts are going to get more controversial.

And now

the portal is lagging so badly.

Not even surf-able.

Random

School was horrible horribleness. To the extent I don't wish to elaborate. Getting into trouble (in fact 'two (too) much trouble' because I did a disappearing act during math lesson and skipped my gp lesson on Friday. Now, not only have I gotten a potential detention, but a problem with the discipline committee. And now, time to get hooked by pudge. Getting into trouble is my forte, especially when I could have easily evaded problems, I like to plunge right in, pride first and consequences behind. And then, as just another offense, I got caught for hair. But it was quite a noble sacrifice because I tanked for the guys in our class who were unreasonably picked on. "This kind of hair not long enough ah", replied with "I've seen longer". then seconds later I get spotlight.

Random.Did I mention I became a firefox convert in the past week because IE was dying on me on way too many sites that I decided to change.

There's no school tomorrow!! Wee!!! I'm super elated and feeling super relaxed. Whatever E-learning day, of course we have to report not to school but our PCs to do the stuff we find on the school portal! If that's not exciting enough, I'll just see it as the school's test to see how much the portal can withstand at one go. On average, I'd say people (making a guess) would log in around 10am? Let's see if there are any signs of "traffic jam" in the portal.

I'm fatigued. To a very large extent.

Relative

It chanced upon me yesterday that I had forgotten to mention that my pw grades was a B. And our class mainly had an arrays of C's and D's. Quite pathetic I would say, while my friends in other schools have entire classes of A's and B's. Effort wise, everyone put in sufficient effort and even I would argue that I had put in adequate amount of effort.(it's fine if others want to put in an excess of effort, but please do not exaggerate or for any matter, raise the benchmark {of effort} to lofty realms). To me, just even opening up notepad to type something pw-related is effort itself! I believe it finally occurs to many people that the concept of proportionality with regards to effort and results is obviously untrue. Not me, but my group was very hyped about Pw. I don't know what got into them but obviously A was their goal. But in the end, all they achieved was a B grade. Not anything to be proud about, considering how much effort they put in. I constantly refer to them as they and me as myself because many would actually argue that the B grade in my hands now is due to them, their effort. But if it was me, in another group. I would argue that I would have at least get a B too with less effort.

By thinking effort is always proportional to results is felony. sometimes, yes. but I believe it's part and parcel of truthiness (definition:the state of wishing things to be true).

I do not deny and do not believe that work is definitely a condition to do well, but no one said you have to work hard. In fact, meritocracy was never an innate trait of nature. Well, not for everyone. Its very sickening to see people studying so hard and not getting As. Sometimes, trying your best is just too superficial. The truth if you slog and you don't get your hard work's equivalent, you just risk looking dense. In such a case, I rather not prepare, and just fail to my heart's contents. People who fail aren't the people who are dense, neither are people who work hard and achieve. But they are the people who try their best but get no where, those are the real noob-digies. (no pun intended).

Flame bait, but who cares.

I'm seriously taking a more antisocial, nonchalant stance towards most people now. On the whole, there aren't many people really worth having a conversation with, let alone, be friends with.

This is going to sound stuck up, but I know the saying that "when you think everyone is wrong, you're the one that is wrong". I feel as if I'm on another planet right now. My ideals, my philosophies on a lot of the general matters are so much of an anomaly from normal people.

FRRRRRIDAY!

I think I have more than usual to blog about. School was quite retarded today. I woke up with a wicked plan to skip school but I decided against it because I already skipped tuesday. (guilt actually disconcerted my plans!!). Still, I thought school might be done with quickly if i just skip the last Gp lesson. Then the sky bled sky juice, so profusely that so many people were late for school. I like the rain, though.

Been a long time since I actually took a bath in school, the water was freezing cold that I developed quite a bad headache after showering. It was rather amazing how like a quarter of all the boys can sneek out during math's tutorial (Mr wong's lesson), and go take a bath (we haven't changed back into our uniforms after P.E). That easily took 30 minutes. I still had the cheek to go to the cafe, buy food, buy drink, slowly make my way back to class and eat my baked potato with chicken and drink mango madness in broad daylight math tutorial. Just happened that either mr wong didn't notice or he doesn't care. It just amazes me how math tutorial is just like another free period, or even worst, break time.

The 2nd half of the day was rather ardous for me because I was starting to develop a cold. (due to the hot-cold sensation of the bath). My body was still heated because of PE, and then I had to douse myself with icy cold water, that is definitely so not good. I can't even stay focused during geog and physics.

So the prelude to weekends are here. (or rather, the weekends actually).

And. Since I'm feeling like it, I'm going to do a blog quiz.
(and apparently, I can't seem to highlight and copy, so I have to retype everything).

1) Two Names you go by?
TY and Tayyi?

2) Two things you are wearing right now?
Shirt. Pants

3) Two things you want in a relationship
Love and maybe er freedom?

4) Two of your favourite things to do.
Piano and sleeping

5) Two things you ate today.
Potato and fried rice

6) Two people you last talked to.
I don't remember.

7) Two things you're doing tommorow
Sleep. and more sleep.

8) Two fav bevarages
I don't really have much of a preference

9) Two of your least fav things to do.
Many things are equally irritating.

NOW you must answer everything TRUTHFULLY!!!
(I even copied down the number of exclaimation marks and caps the truthfully).

1) Are you attached/single?
Single!

2) Have you ever been given roses?
Nope, that would be gross wouldn't it.

3) What is your all time fav rommance movie?
Don't really have one. But I like nodame cantabile if it sounds as rommance.

4) How many times have you honestly been in love?
Once. Maybe, or even zero.

5) Do you believe everyone has a soul mate?
In the end, pragmatism just owns everything flat.

6) Do you think you should put your friends first?
First over what? No duh, I don't have close friends.

7) Have you ever had your heart broken?
I guess so.

8) Your thoughts on online relationships.
Retarded.

9) Have you seen a friend as more than a friend?
No, but maybe less. (without the R).

10) Do you believe the statement "once a cheater, always a cheater".
I believe that people can change. But not all the time, infact more often than not no.I believe such traits are innate and difficult to purge. Thus, that statement is generally true.

11) How many kids do you want to have?
I don't know!

12) What is your favourite colour?
Now, I don't have any!

13) What are you views on gay marraiges?
Simply wrong.

14) Do you believe you truly only love once?
I don't know. I don't think so.

15) Imagine you're 79 and your spouse just died, would you re-marry?
No, it just feels wrong.

16) What song do you want to hear at your wedding?
Mendelsson's Wedding march (duh).
Some good chopin or beethoven.

17) Do you know someone who likes you?
Not really.

---------back to the real world!

ahh yes, finally. I always get the feeling of having wasted precious time after doing such stuff, but I do get over it after some few seconds.

Anyway you guy should try out http://www.freerice.com/ It's a site whereby you do vocab mcqs and each question you get right, you donate 20 grains of rice to the poverty-struck countries. I just seriously wonder, don't they need like meat and vegetables too? SHouldn't people start starting up some freechicken or freevegetable sitessss. Eating plain rice is kinda sad!

Happy Birthday to myself!

I turned Eighteen this morning. I wouldn't say I know how it feels because I was asleep. Well, I would say, only a handful remembered my birthday. (I think I can merely do a fleming's left hand rule with the number of people who wished me). The same old thing. Just makes me wonder how some people can recieve like thousands of happy birthdays smses on their birthdays. Well, maybe because I'm a voluntary introvert. Antisocial people cannot expect much. Feels like just another day. And the only thing up in my mind is the upcoming weekends.

Again, another birthday without presents. (wait I used to have like mega lots of presents when I was little!). My aunt and my parents are asking me what I want, I can't give them an answer because there's nothing I want. Because almost all my wants right now are non-material. I am just too blessed. The fact then when my mind chance upon something material and affordable (subjective) that I want, the whole house rushes to get it for me. It's just instinctive because it's just so rare when I actually want to possess a material object.

To wish myself a happy birthday. I composed my own variation on the happy birthday theme. (It's in Fmajor so far, wait, Happy birthday is in F major right?). I intend to compose a 14-variation composition.

As of now, I am enjoying Rachmanioff's 2nd Piano concerto on youtube! the same one that got me sophorifically mesmerized yesterday afternoon. I was feeling rather fatigued and instinctively I lay the mattress on the floor and burrowed beneath the fluffy blankets and pillows. I told myself, after this 10 minute concerto ends, I'm going to wake up. Then I never did.

Until the next morning when I had to head to school. Wasted like so many freaking hours!. But I guess it's understandable, I'm tired. And 14 hours of sleep actually just barely settled the bill.

And one more thing, somewhat, I'm just not too happy it's my birthday. because I actually promised myself I was going to stop slacking after my birthday. Shrugs.

And so my graph took a swim

Physics spa today. I had some hellish conditions to do a spa in. I didn't get a table, more of one of the side "desk" that are connected to the walls. Not exactly a desk but yeah. You won't get to move your leg under the table, (it's together sealed), therefore obstructing movement when you try to write (you need to lean forward). Damn irritating to do anything in such a position. Secondly, I find myself very far away from a fan, I was pespiring uncontrollably trying not to drip anything onto my paper. (but I still did). It was kind of a gross experience.

Then I had a tummyache which I had to endure for the entire duration because physics spa is a fight to the last men, last word to the last minute kind of paper. I kept flinching as I wrote.

And as a grand finale, the "desk" was for some reason wet, (a large puddle) and I didn't notice. It didn't rain today. Carelessly I chucked my graph paper aside.

Only onto the last few minutes I realised my graph was wet. And even if I did before, there was surely no time to redo a graph.

Somehow, the only portion of the paper that was soaked completely was the region without any work or graph on, which is somewhat, a big relief, I had to dry my graph paper on the OHP.

What a joke. And again, everything went well. except I got my units wrong again!

Surprisingly, I only read the notes on discussion once yesterday night (fell asleep halfway!), and I can remember almost every single detail. I think I must have been listening to Mozart.

School was quite a joke today. Especially CT. Our class literally transformed into a gambling den with several groups playing bridge simultaneously once mr wong walks out to photocopy something. Upon his return, everyone returned to "avoid suspicion" position but one group got caught. I was accused but the fact that I don't know how to play bridge saved me. And believe me, I wasn't playing.

Okay then we marched out of the classroom through the backdoor during group discussion. A stroll around the school. Totally boring and restless 1 and a half hours.

And yes on just a random note, I don't think I will ever be doing a physics/chem practical ever in my life again! Because the last, final practical for both chem/physics are Skill A which is mainly a theory-practical paper (which involves no hands on!). Yaye!! Im NEVER doing physics/chem in Uni so, no more practical for me!!!

I just ate cheese pasta. Delicious but now I'm suffering it's adverse effects. It seems like over the past 2 hours I could not stand the cheesy smell from my own mouth. I develop a headache now smelling the cheese from my own mouth, now that is totally GROSS. I better go brushing round two soon.

I feel sleepy. It's mid week, yet it feels monday to me. Only two more days of school to the weekend again!. And hey it's 9th April! In a few more hours I will be Eighteen!!!

And.

Can I don't come to school tommorow.

Why?

Cause it's my birthday!

I can't turn 18 if I don't stay at home. :)

Perma-slack

Indulging in slackiness can be really really really addictive. Didn't go to school, relapse of fever and sore throat this morning which mysteriously vanished somewhere around noon. I feel totally fine right now, yahoo! Went to see doctor to get MC, (my mum insisted, somehow). And then doc had really the cheek to say "you're fine!", I coughed, and then my mum asked for mc, and then he grinned at me. Actually, I don't even know what I'm doing at the clinic, with mr wong as CT, who needs mc....

Spa tommorow. So not relaxing. Skill C,D again. What a repeat! Im not study so I hope I remember my sig figs and stuff to write. But I think tommorow's experiment will be electrical and I don't know how to write the discussion. DEAD. Tommorow is practical day again. @(*#(@#(@#@#@*372873

My bro is equally or more slack. He ponned from last thursday till today which is FOUR school days. Now, what a steal! He stole almost a march holiday! Now i'm jealous, or wait, I shouldn't really be, I didn't go to school for 3 three days in this one and a half weeks. I'm almost equally "powerful!". What's wrong with skipping school when you know you're going to school just to sleep. Perma-slack is the way to go.

I find it harder and harder to relate to people. I think I am increasingly increasing in being anti-social.

I find myself in bad temper since. I wonder why. Totally unsettling tempest within me. I kicked the chair and banged the keys when I couldn't play winter wind smoothly (that is so childish of me). Not being to able to play winter wind is just like natural, afterall it's a l33t imbal etude. I flared at my bro because he disturbed my practice. I got pissed with my neighbour's dog trying to act like a metronome.

Someone near my estate died so there is a funeral being held right behind my house (yes I can hear chattering noises). And I was sadistically blasting my winterwind at top volume. I think they heard it. While blasting, the uneven tempo, the uneven tones of descending of chromatically patterned notes and the disturbingly violently loud crashing sound probably annoyed them very much. All played very not musically, and in an irritating manner.But I didn't care. And too, I played movement 3 of the Moonlight sonata in rage, inspiring to ANNOY people. I was actually expecting people to come complaining very soon. Of course, all done, in frustration.

Of what?

Not being able to play winter wind. Okay, I must be insane. Because winter wind is a chopin etude, and amongst them, probably one of the harder ones. (Chopin should have written, "for people with four hands or 20 fingers to attempt). Lets say Im too ambitious. I don't like giving up so once I start on something and I have sufficient interest to upkeep the effort, I do not give up easily. I don't like letting go and giving up because that equates to admitting defeat. I started it with the curious intent, and inspired by some youtube videos, initially took it as somesort of technical excercise, but when I go in deeper, I find myself sucked it, and I feel totally emo being unable to play it. If you don't know what is winter wind, it's 0p 25 no 11, you can check it up on youtube and tell me whether you GASP at it.

I don't care. I'm not giving up.

My teacher would probably kill me for playing a chopin etude. especially winter wind.

I just can't get enough of the forbidden fruit sensation

Irritating

I told some people I had hand foot mouth, I was just kidding. I know i made it sound serious. But my mum had it for the past few days. And my whole family down with some sort of variation of the bug or another. Me n my bro have a similiar bug. It's a flu bug, which induces fever, and then at the recovery phrases, strikes one with drowsiness (which can be so easily mistaken as sleepiness). I suffered under this bug once (the one that cause my temperature to rocket into the 39s), and I was tricked with that half drowsy/sleep sensation (thinking i need more sleep), but actually, it's the virus playing tricks on me. Very hard to differentiate the feeling of true sleepiness and the drowsy feeling caused by the bug. But now I can, once bitten, twice experienced. (my own saying!).

Let me say this bug is extremely irritating, persistant. It lasted like 5 days long so far, and now I'm still suffering from mild fever. I am not so surprised to actually declare that I slept thru all lectures in school today, with the exception of geog (which I was caught), end up drawing my own lame illustrations on a random piece of note. Skipped PE today and somehow, I don't know why I always arouse lots of suspicion whenever I say I'm not well for PE.

I think if I'm wasting my time in school I should be just sleeping at home.

Currently in the drowsied state, entirely engulfed by restlessness and sleep is marked by my head as utmost piority. While on the other hand my logic is vehemently trying to reject that seemingly inevitable desire to fall prey to the drowsy bug. My train of thoughts halt every few seconds, disturbed. Even as I was trying to play the piano, I could not longer last more than about an hour or so. (despite eating panadol!). I kept breaking down at stuff I could normally play fluently. I guess, feeling drowsy even affects the subconscious. Finger muscles feel weak.

I think after so much ranting, I guess. afterall, the bed is the place for me. at least for now.

let me rest in peace.

My tagboard is dead!

So, please tag!

One thing I realised about myself is that I am 1) super ambitious 2) I don't like losing and 3) don't give up easily. I'm actually challenging two chopin etudes at once, together with two related movements on a sonata plus another movement of another sonata, plus my three exam pieces. I'm still no where in any of them though =/

Random, but recently it seems like I heard from my parents that I have been listening to classical music since I was in my mother's womb. The reknowned Mozart's effect of "classical music influence", seems (according to research) to increase intelligence. Did some research over the net, this mozart's effect is highly related to his K448 Sonata in Dmajor (for two pianos), it seems to be used in increasing spatial reasoning (according to tests), as well as music "healing", namely to prevent epileptic attacks. It seems it has something to do with the tempo, structure, melodic and harmonic consonance etc..properties of the Sonata.

Okay so now that Sonata is in my playlist. I'll listen to that everyday and I'll see if I can get all As for midyears.
I'm not kidding. pttf.

Anyway, I finally got itunes on my com and uploaded all my newly downloaded songs into my ipod (and now being invaded by my brother). Realised all songs on my com is classical. But I still do listen to pop.

In a singaporean environment and culture marked by shallowness, pop music is definitely extremely popular (as it's name suggest). Ive read several articles over the net, most evidently proving that classical music is definitely superior of pop music, several writers have their butts impaled with fences (sit too long!), and a minority claiming otherwise (pop > classical).I would define classical as any pieces all the way to the romantic period. The classical period (mozart, beethoven, haydn's time) is like a subset within the whole European "concert music". Popular music, is like, you get what I mean. Everyone is guilty of listening to pop.

The first thing you notice about classical music is usually it has a richer texture compared to pop. In orchestras you hear several different instruments played at once. Even in a solo work, there are still many layers, textures and tones in one piece. Thus, it's structure is alot more complex. Evidently, there is no voice n most classical music as contrasted with pop. Classical is pure music. It is also inarguable that classical music is definitely more taxing on the mind to listen. (you have to concentrate to enjoy). It is more stimulating.

Pop on the other hand, uses many other factors to sell itself. I would refer it as impure music. Lyrics as the major impurity. It proves that pop cannot express itself by it's musical structure on it's own. It's like an artist painting a picture, but failing to potray what he wants the viewers to feel, he writes words on his painting. That defeats the purpose of an art. An art work strives to appeal to it's audiences using the most pure, emprical resources. Futhurmore, lyrics are nowadays provoking, and emotionally invoking, this defeats the purpose of the music isn't it. It's like trying to write controversial provoking literature but using music as solely a medium.

Secondly, one major selling point of pop music it's the singer himself or herself. If one finds them attractive, this creates an involuntary bias perception for the "artist". Alot marketting is done in pop, so much that it adds so much impurities that it becomes disgusting. Futhurmore, pop is alot more about the hype. Have you seen any pop concert that the audience is totally silent. More often than not, it's like "feeling thing", the go-with-the-flow syndrome. It aims to make one feel high in a very wrong way. More often than not, with no benefit with the intellectual aspect of the mind. It makes one more inclined to emotions, losing selfcontrol. And the controversial lyrics in pop just aggravates it.

Just as an extension of my argument. Brain research have shown that avid classical fans who have suddenly turn their backs on the classical genre for a lesser choice (pop or rock), have shown evident brain deterioration. Thus, intellectual level is relevant with musical taste.

In one pop>classical arguement that I have read, it says that pop is more versatile than classical because the majority likes it and it appeals to a larger audience, generating more income and providing jobs. (The first rule is that when art is ever concerned, economic factors should never intervene). Have we all learnt that the majority is not always right? This just doesn't prove that one genre is superior than the other. It just proves that the majority we have in this case are shallow.

"Shallow" might not be too nice a classifaction. but remember, it's factual, not opinionated. Just listen to both, and the differences is extremely evident.

However, one major problem about classical listeners in general is the air of superiority and the imposing aura on everyone else that is not like them. Have you noticed, most avid classical fans usually do not recognize pop as music at all. "just mere noise". Pop listeners which are the vast majority would usually not take that stance towards classical as to them it's just something "they cannot understand or appreciate", but classical listeners are always guilty at taking a higher plane and looking down at other genres. The elite behaviour of classical fans, is definitely controversial. But in my opinion, justified.

One trrend I observed in most arguments Ive read which are classical > pop. In the opening pargraph the writer usually declares " I love classical, but I do listen to pop too! ". It's like saying " Im filthy rich, but I eat at hawker centres too". This is definitely not to to appear hostile and superior towards avid pop fans. Just as the same case as me, where I enjoy both classical and pop.

However, to me, pop is no brainer music. You just listen, it's like melodic literature. I do not hastily class pop as "not worthy of the ear", or "not music". I agree that it is music, but impure music.I don't see how modern song writers or even artists (who don't write their own songs most of the time), are greatly and intensively respected/idolized so much and in contrast,the lack of respect, or even knowledge of great composers like Beethoven, Chopin, Mozart etc.

In a peanut shell, it doesn't mean the minority is always wrong because classical music is obsure and unpopular. It just proves that the majority is superficial and lacking in depth.

Written in my own perspective, if you think pop is better than classical, then go live in your own menial world.

Thus, in final conclusion
Classical is lofty, pop is just mediocre, and rock is just rock bottom (no pun intended)

(and perhaps I have just posted the greatest flame-bait in my life, I just shot like everyone I know with the exception of some) Thinking: I should have kept all this to myself.

Recovering

And so I woke up with a stiff neck and several muscle cramps and a heavy head. Managed to assuage all pain using panadol, feeling fine now.

Realised I haven't been to school in the past two days, rendering this weekend a "long weekend" spanning four days.

Schubert's Impromtu in E flat major has good "waking up" feel to it. I feel energized, for some reason. (even though I'm supposed to feel tired).

Stuff on my playlist (favourites for now).

Beethoven's Appassionata (very cute!)
Chopin Etudes Op 10-4 Torrent (very highly energizing!)
Schubert's E flat major Impromtu (somehow wakes me up)
Mozart's K332 Sonata 1st movement (somehow trying to benefit from 'mozart effect')
Brahms Variations on a theme by Paganini Op 35 (catchy melody but damn long)

Fever's hit and run

Suffering from a "now you feel it, then next moment you don't" syndrome for fever. As of now, I feel completely not a single chill of a fever, and totally at ease. But two hours ago, I was shivering intensively. Has the dominant, intruding fever finally adapt and adopt 'guerilla tactics'. The condition I am in right now, makes me wonder why I am at home and not at school.

Last night, I was very certain I was having a fever. The warm forehead and the burning sensation engulfing my throat, and in contrast, ice shards petrifying my limbs and arms. A total domination by fever itself. I couldn't sleep well. And the entire night I just lay motionless trying to assuage the pain by thinking of happier thoughts. I tried to make myself laugh, (I read somewhere that laughter generate endorphins that are painkillers?), to no avail. I can't be laughing out loud to myself in the middle of the night I guess. All attempts were in vain, even any attempts, any sleeping position. Early in the morning, I took a temperature test and my temperature was relatively high, 38+. Explains all that suffering.

Panadol helped the most. But my dad was telling me that I shouldn't always rely on panadol to relieve fever pains. As thus, it might become less and less effective in the future. And that was why I suffered the entire night because I refused to take medicine. And only in this morning, (as a last resort), I had two pills which completely put out of the fire.

I'm feeling completely fine now. Even my two hour session at the piano this morning seems pretty alright. my fingers have not been intruded by the fever. What irks me now is that fever may strike again any moment, especially when the effect of the panadol wears off. Feeling so comfortable right now, it even disturbs me to think that in another hour I might be bedridden again. But again, I might be mistaken. Let's hope this bug is gone for good.

Let me make a confession. I was lazy to go to school yesterday. And today, (right now), the fact that Im feeling so unfeverish now makes me feel guilty of repeating history. But I have to ease the guilt by reminding myself how bad the fever was this morning.

My birthday is exactly one week from now. I promised some people about a celebration, but I wonder how is it going to be now. Called off? I don't know. (thickskin mode) Buy presents for me people! (exit thickskin mode)

It's friday! And probably I just created an extremely long weekend for myself this week.

It's time to slack as much as possible now because the days ahead seem gloomy. Relentless school work even after common test. I'm like an average of TWO tutorials behind in every subject and very likely I know nothing about the tutorials which I haven't done (been sleeping in lectures). I wonder how people can even stay awake in lectures. I seriously question the productivity of lectures. I think I can cover whatever that is covered in the lecture myself in half the time because the lecture's pace is way too slow that I feel drowsy because of that.
Anyway, it's a good thing that my results always turn out with a more than 100% efficiency with respect to effort. I shouldn't be satisifed with my results, infact, it's quite horrible that I have 3S-es, but considering the effort Ive put in, the tutorials I have not done, I think it's a pretty good accomplishment. Aim for a pass and you will fail by a little, thats an important lesson Ive learnt this time.

And people who are sympathetic are not nessecarily friends.

Enter April

April is here! And I just got scammed by Alan's April fool msg. Just when I thought it was approaching midnight, let my guard down, and boom, fell into the bottomless pit trap of humilation. But it's nice, there has been this subconscious longing to fall for some april fool trick. It puzzles me to why that is happening, but it appears that school is so void of the april's fool "festive season", I guess everyone is "grown up" or trys very hard to act matured. Or it it simply because everyone has forgotten that it's April's fool today. But I remember, but it just happened that I can't think of any tricks, pranks to pull.

And so as we enter the fourth month of the year, what can we expect? just having finished common test and upon achieving substandard grades (literally), it got me motivated to study a little. And I took out my tys, did several mcqs and shut my book. Now you know you can't take my motivation "seriously". Afterall, despite the alevels being an event marked with sobriety, it's just so hard to study. With laziness, distractions, as main constituent digressions to any pure humble inspiration to study.

Spend my night watching and completely the middle section of the drama "proposal daisakusen". Towards the middle, I felt the plot going no where, but the episodes which I watched today were extremely exhilirating. And once again, I feel as though I morph into a frenzied, 'drama-momentum'-empowered freak.

But still, having said all that, I merely watched 4 episodes. So please forgive me.

Anyway, going through my physics paper was such a pain for me because I made so many ridiculously insane mistakes. For example, one the question with resistance and power. I wrote everything correctly except for one word (infact 2 letters). in haste, I mistakenly wrote decrease as increase and that kaboom! my 3 marks. Even maniupilated mathematical stuff wrongly (ironic I got A for math). Just by writing the proportional sign as an equal sign got me penalized by 2 more marks. And I accidently put 72KJ = 720000 and lost the entire 1 mark for that question when i clearly got the correct ans. Sum it up, that's easily 8 marks. I wonder, if I was even sober at the time of doing the paper. This S, does not reflect what I am, I felt I could do better. Not only that, I wasn't adequately prepared, but even as it was, I could have passed. If I hadn't been so retard making so many "unforced errors".

Well this is my only rant for now. I should be less careless next time. And speaking of which, Midyears are like 3 months away, still plenty of time. Infact, excess of time. (I cannot work in such a condition btw). It's time to start considering what grades I want to get by mid years. Let's change these S'es into something more pleasant shall we. Either way, it's not time to go full force yet, not even close. It's still early.

Been simulataneously playing the first movement and third movement of beethoven's tempest sonata. As well as playing chopin's 0p25-11 for technique (though abit exaggereted huh right jlam). {whats wrong with using etudes as my technical excercise anyway?, but yep I tend to overpractice them}.

Haha, (been seriously long since I laughed at blogger or myself for whoever's and whatever business). What am I even blogging for?

Pre-sleep habits, or sleep prerequistite.