Last week!!!! LAST WEEK!!
Still I don't feel like booking in. But it's like 6-7 days left of sleeping on that oh wow so comfortable bed of the 2nd floor of Jcoy building. Oh wow. I hope this week will be slack. WEE!!!! But i doubt so.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
No place to be
I probably have equivalent to nothing left.
First, badminton doesn't want me anymore. I've lost almost all my interest. I still can stroke but I can't play singles anymore for nuts. My reflexes have been slowed down tremendously because I haven't played in a long time. Those sharp drop shots and smashes are no longer what you call "normal" to me. They pierce through me. I can't go back anymore.
Piano. Piano. I love piano very much. But with only two days a week improvement is an uphill task. The only thing I can do is to maintain and is that enough? I cannot learn a new piece in two days. Even if I plow through complicated material in two days I will forget about 60% in the 5 days to come. Compared to the approximated 10-20% per day when I revise it the next day. This is so counter productive that it kills all motivation to practice. I still can play a sloppy La Campanella and of two my etudes. The problem here is evident, I can't really spend my time playing the piano knowing i will forget most of it during the week.
The solution here if I love music still is simple. Pick up a hand held instrument. A smaller one. Maybe Flute or violin so I can start learning slowly during my two years in army since musical instruments should be allowed in camps. Yea that's im going to do. Cello is too big, so i'm deciding on flute. Violin gonna be a pain for my bunk mates next time since you all know beginners are a pain to listen to.
While most of my platoon mates are out playing Left 4 Dead or clubbing their weekends away I am sitting here in front of facebook and blogger. Downloading some game to play on my DS. I went to play badminton in the morning but I tell you it was a disappointing attempt.
Army is good. In fact. I had benefit quite a lot (in my humble opinion) from the training there. But it steals the part of me that doesn't want to die. The original, authentic me is gone. The me who is obsessed about piano and music. My interests are slowly being devoured by the lack of time and commitment. That is what I see happening. For now, it will be a hiatus. but will it be effaced someday?
Now I stare into the depressing horizon. There isn't really anything to be depressed about. The sky is fine and the clouds are even finer and everything is so fine. It's long weekend so I should be grinning from ear to ear. Life outside now is plain, relaxing as it is. But the me now is not the me before I enlisted. The me now, doesn't like being the me now.
Soon. We will stand at that parade square and get ourselves out of the island. but that is perhaps the true beginning. I don't know what to expect. Should I be excited, elated? perhaps. If not why would POP be a happy moment anymore. No more ferry, no more ridiculously early book in timing and so on.
I want to fight for my country. But now I kind of want myself back.
First, badminton doesn't want me anymore. I've lost almost all my interest. I still can stroke but I can't play singles anymore for nuts. My reflexes have been slowed down tremendously because I haven't played in a long time. Those sharp drop shots and smashes are no longer what you call "normal" to me. They pierce through me. I can't go back anymore.
Piano. Piano. I love piano very much. But with only two days a week improvement is an uphill task. The only thing I can do is to maintain and is that enough? I cannot learn a new piece in two days. Even if I plow through complicated material in two days I will forget about 60% in the 5 days to come. Compared to the approximated 10-20% per day when I revise it the next day. This is so counter productive that it kills all motivation to practice. I still can play a sloppy La Campanella and of two my etudes. The problem here is evident, I can't really spend my time playing the piano knowing i will forget most of it during the week.
The solution here if I love music still is simple. Pick up a hand held instrument. A smaller one. Maybe Flute or violin so I can start learning slowly during my two years in army since musical instruments should be allowed in camps. Yea that's im going to do. Cello is too big, so i'm deciding on flute. Violin gonna be a pain for my bunk mates next time since you all know beginners are a pain to listen to.
While most of my platoon mates are out playing Left 4 Dead or clubbing their weekends away I am sitting here in front of facebook and blogger. Downloading some game to play on my DS. I went to play badminton in the morning but I tell you it was a disappointing attempt.
Army is good. In fact. I had benefit quite a lot (in my humble opinion) from the training there. But it steals the part of me that doesn't want to die. The original, authentic me is gone. The me who is obsessed about piano and music. My interests are slowly being devoured by the lack of time and commitment. That is what I see happening. For now, it will be a hiatus. but will it be effaced someday?
Now I stare into the depressing horizon. There isn't really anything to be depressed about. The sky is fine and the clouds are even finer and everything is so fine. It's long weekend so I should be grinning from ear to ear. Life outside now is plain, relaxing as it is. But the me now is not the me before I enlisted. The me now, doesn't like being the me now.
Soon. We will stand at that parade square and get ourselves out of the island. but that is perhaps the true beginning. I don't know what to expect. Should I be excited, elated? perhaps. If not why would POP be a happy moment anymore. No more ferry, no more ridiculously early book in timing and so on.
I want to fight for my country. But now I kind of want myself back.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Shiny people
I probably got the saddest IPPT results around. Now, take a look people.
Chin up : 8
Shuttle Run :9.9
Sit Up : 52
SBJ : 221 cm
2.4 Km : 9 minutes 30 seconds
Results:passed
Now. I have Gold 2.4km run timing. hit 9:44. I have a silvery chin up score. (and I can do more). But I have such a pathetic, "sucks to be me" kind of Standing broad jump. Is there any reason not to feel some kind of undefined misery! Plus, Gold and silver people (aka shiny people) get to book out some 2 hours early while people who pass/fail just stay behind. The problem is not with that two pathetic hours (in fact, we went to the gym), but the pride. I can do everything you need me to get a gold, except SBJ. And I don't get a badge, I don't get any recognition, I don't get any early book out. and I stay with the failures. On top of that, I ran 2nd fastest in the platoon. No recognition at all! What a crappy system IPPT is.
Bottom line? Sucks to be me.
I'm definitely gonna jump my way to my silvery badge next week.
Chin up : 8
Shuttle Run :9.9
Sit Up : 52
SBJ : 221 cm
2.4 Km : 9 minutes 30 seconds
Results:passed
Now. I have Gold 2.4km run timing. hit 9:44. I have a silvery chin up score. (and I can do more). But I have such a pathetic, "sucks to be me" kind of Standing broad jump. Is there any reason not to feel some kind of undefined misery! Plus, Gold and silver people (aka shiny people) get to book out some 2 hours early while people who pass/fail just stay behind. The problem is not with that two pathetic hours (in fact, we went to the gym), but the pride. I can do everything you need me to get a gold, except SBJ. And I don't get a badge, I don't get any recognition, I don't get any early book out. and I stay with the failures. On top of that, I ran 2nd fastest in the platoon. No recognition at all! What a crappy system IPPT is.
Bottom line? Sucks to be me.
I'm definitely gonna jump my way to my silvery badge next week.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Thoughts after a long time
Sitting here typing this on Monday morning makes it feel extraordinarily odd. I am overwhelmed by a sense of nostalgia and somehow something reminds me of the life before I enlisted. I really suddenly miss the life I had before I enlisted, somehow-the freedom is what really makes the difference. I will never get to slack the whole day watching Lost, then playing piano for 4 hours, chatting so much on MSN/SMS, doing nothing on facebook, for everyday in a long time. it really somehow strikes me hard now. I don't know why.
On a brighter side, BMT is coming to an end. With only a mere 17 days left (2 weeks) and about 10 days in-camp, we're gonna POP soon! And I believe that will be one happy occasion. But it is a mere beginning to a new chapter to something new and frightful. I realized that I made quite a number of friends but also quite a number of enemies alike. I'm pugnacious by nature, can't help it. But does it mean that since we're going to POP soon it's okay to turn enemies now? Since we're not going to see each other anymore. I'm not referring to anything in particular but the platoon in general. There are the good, the bad and the ugly. There are countless of people I cannot stand, let alone sit with. (no pun intended). It's just another 10 days in-camp, so does it matter even if the whole world turns enemies?
On a brighter side, BMT is coming to an end. With only a mere 17 days left (2 weeks) and about 10 days in-camp, we're gonna POP soon! And I believe that will be one happy occasion. But it is a mere beginning to a new chapter to something new and frightful. I realized that I made quite a number of friends but also quite a number of enemies alike. I'm pugnacious by nature, can't help it. But does it mean that since we're going to POP soon it's okay to turn enemies now? Since we're not going to see each other anymore. I'm not referring to anything in particular but the platoon in general. There are the good, the bad and the ugly. There are countless of people I cannot stand, let alone sit with. (no pun intended). It's just another 10 days in-camp, so does it matter even if the whole world turns enemies?
Friday, May 15, 2009
Closing in
We're closing in. I suddenly wonder how it will feel like when we pass out. I think I will miss my platoon mates a lot. I wonder nowadays why sometimes I seem to feel happier in camp rather than in civilian. Both kind of life styles are world's apart and thus both offers somehow gratification of parallel dimensions. (kind of will never meet). Granted, in camp, I laughed a lot, crapped a lot at stupid moments of other people as well as myself. A lot of retarded things happened, a lot of fun moment, satisfying moments, happy moments...etc..
I was thinking of doing a dedication to most of my better "mates" in platoon one. But I figured that I wanted to begin with the first one because his life changed this week.
To Axel:
I know you're not going to read this. (may not!). but c'mon I'm not going to say anything hurtful so be brave and read on okay. I want to congratulate you in rejoining us and getting out of your "out of training" status. Let's pass out together! I mean, you're like one of the naturally funnest person I know. You're jokes and natural comedic talent is one that transcends beyond mine. Despite cocking up many times, I do have some (or quite a lot) of respect for you. Going through SOL, and all that OOT rubbish. When you got confined you actually helped us clean the bunk, and that was noble! I mean, sometimes I believe some people actually treat you unfairly, but I think you're a nice person undeserving of all that emotional turmoil in BMT. You're intelligent, but sometimes maybe just a little on the careless/blur side. (like me!), but anyway. This dedication is not meant to sound gay, but I really appreciate you as a good friend! Let's pass out together man.
And I'm sorry Joshua. Though you're my buddy, Axel takes precedence. Yours will come soon!
I was thinking of doing a dedication to most of my better "mates" in platoon one. But I figured that I wanted to begin with the first one because his life changed this week.
To Axel:
I know you're not going to read this. (may not!). but c'mon I'm not going to say anything hurtful so be brave and read on okay. I want to congratulate you in rejoining us and getting out of your "out of training" status. Let's pass out together! I mean, you're like one of the naturally funnest person I know. You're jokes and natural comedic talent is one that transcends beyond mine. Despite cocking up many times, I do have some (or quite a lot) of respect for you. Going through SOL, and all that OOT rubbish. When you got confined you actually helped us clean the bunk, and that was noble! I mean, sometimes I believe some people actually treat you unfairly, but I think you're a nice person undeserving of all that emotional turmoil in BMT. You're intelligent, but sometimes maybe just a little on the careless/blur side. (like me!), but anyway. This dedication is not meant to sound gay, but I really appreciate you as a good friend! Let's pass out together man.
And I'm sorry Joshua. Though you're my buddy, Axel takes precedence. Yours will come soon!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Sixty Six
And so. I spend much of yesterday doing nothing much. Caught X-men origins at Plaza Singapura. I never liked super hero flicks mainly because they are predictable, superficial blah blah. But I found this film rather emotionally provoking. (at times). Other than that, it was pure slice and dice action. (literally). I ain't very familiar with the marvel concept and thus, wasn't able to marvel at the film like a fan boy. Decent film, tension hung high throughout, and the plot was convincing and fluent.
This weekend has been particularly short because I have to book in at 1800 hrs. The week ahead seems ordinary. Company line stuff. nothing much. just physical training and blah blah blah. we've finished much of the syllabus. Hope the next one month would be more or less frictionless. Come to think of it, it's only a matter of four book outs more. There's still stuff like games day and OC evenings, recruit evening to look forward to.
This weekend has been particularly short because I have to book in at 1800 hrs. The week ahead seems ordinary. Company line stuff. nothing much. just physical training and blah blah blah. we've finished much of the syllabus. Hope the next one month would be more or less frictionless. Come to think of it, it's only a matter of four book outs more. There's still stuff like games day and OC evenings, recruit evening to look forward to.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Booking in
Gonna book in soon. MAN! long weekend just over like that. the next long weekend is on 30th May and I'm really looking forward to it. C'mon, c'mon. I want to POP soon.
Pride wars. It's not about strength but technique.
Pride wars. It's not about strength but technique.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
flummoxed
Ambivalence is ever thriving in me right now, generating a huge deal of flummoxed thoughts in my head. I don't know where I'm heading to. A huge deal of uncertainty strikes me. Suddenly as I start to embrace and play with the thought that my time in tekong is going to end very soon, I am abruptly awaken by the fact that-that itself is not the end of something, but rather the beginning. Not to mention, I am uncertain of where I want to go, let alone where I will end up at.
Secondly. I don't know why but there is a certain level of fatigue that is constantly within me this weekend. Perpetual fatigue. That sucks. Sleeping will not banish this sad condition and it seems like I am vulnerable to falling asleep after sleeping for about 9 hours every night, but yet, I still do not feel refreshed during the day. It feels as if thousand of years of sleep debt is piling upon me. I don't find any vibe nor energy to perform simple tasks, let alone do big things like embark on a new piano piece or something. I just want to lay here and do nothing. But that itself, is so unsatisfying.
Oh well. I am composing my second hymn variation. And I hope to get it done by tonight or tomorrow. Believe me, it's something to look forward to. even for myself. I can't really get any motivation to start anything new because firstly I don't have the time to upkeep any more pieces. My weekends are spent practicing what I already know. They are all so drilled into my muscle memory that it takes a huge amount of time to forget it completely, but still deterioration is still evident.
I'm okay, I'm okay.
Secondly. I don't know why but there is a certain level of fatigue that is constantly within me this weekend. Perpetual fatigue. That sucks. Sleeping will not banish this sad condition and it seems like I am vulnerable to falling asleep after sleeping for about 9 hours every night, but yet, I still do not feel refreshed during the day. It feels as if thousand of years of sleep debt is piling upon me. I don't find any vibe nor energy to perform simple tasks, let alone do big things like embark on a new piano piece or something. I just want to lay here and do nothing. But that itself, is so unsatisfying.
Oh well. I am composing my second hymn variation. And I hope to get it done by tonight or tomorrow. Believe me, it's something to look forward to. even for myself. I can't really get any motivation to start anything new because firstly I don't have the time to upkeep any more pieces. My weekends are spent practicing what I already know. They are all so drilled into my muscle memory that it takes a huge amount of time to forget it completely, but still deterioration is still evident.
I'm okay, I'm okay.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Beyond all odds
Every time I take the ferry, a thousand contemplative thoughts starts to wiggle about in my head. There are almost an equal amount of ways to detain a recruit on the island or force him back early. namely, guard duty, confinement, remedial, re-shellscrape or whatsoever reason. Long weekends are valuable, (highly valuable treasures) and it was really a "suffer in silence" experience while waiting for the verdict four days in camp. Worst of worst, confinement people only know the verdict minutes before book out. That is so sad, so depressing, and so evil. And always I seem more of relieved than glad to be on the ferry and being able not to think about tekong for the next three days. YESS, long weekend is here!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)