I tell you. The last week was depressing. I was actually considering whether the 2m ramp or the parallel bars would give a higher chance of inducing an injury just nice to get me out of the camp. But no, I tried to snap out of all that depression, but usually, to no avail. Oh, actually it was more of a sinusoidal adventure, ups and downs, highs and lows which actually create somewhat of an insane mood swing kind of thing which actually induces confusion and emotional instability. Before I get to say, " Great hello world ". I'll be on my way back into camp. That's how life is. Weekends are sweet but before the sweetness sets in, the fatigue overwhelms and cause time to go two times faster than normal. But after all, sad or happy is just another feeling.
What happened the last week? I should keep the finer details to myself lest I get charged. Being a trainee makes us level 2 slimes. In BMT, we were all level 1 slimes. Now, we're slightly greater, but that only subjects us to greater torture. Hopefully, we will eventually become more than slimes. Maybe. Maybe..a snail.
If you ask a rifleman. What do you do in the army. He will reply with gusto! We swamp the battlefield, we are the bedrock of the army and we are the ones who charge at whoever threatens the peace of our homeland!
Noble indeed.
If you ask a medic. What do you do in the army. He will reply. I save thousands of lives in times of war! I heal people with broken limbs and wounds!
Noble indeed
And then.
Ask me. And I'll tell you I build bridges. -.-||
How noble!
Okay. I'll have to verbally narrate it to make it even sound half funny.
Adaption is hard, especially when you miss your friends. I miss Jaguar, I miss platoon 1. I miss them all, I miss tekong. In fact, I would not mind staying a recruit forever if life could continue as perpetual BMT for 2 years.
Anyway. Finally booking in timing is no longer the ridiculous evening timings. No need to take ferry anymore!
And yeah. I realize the profoundness of my posts is dropping drastically!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
For the first time
For the first time, I managed to overcome the barrier of town-no-phobia and bash into the frontiers of what they call shopping. Being thrifty/stingy and most importantly LAZY, I could not really see the point of buying things to wear when I already have a closet full of cloth. Just that they're range from 5 years old to about 2 years old. Maybe things do need an update once in awhile. Also I have been accused of being a shirt thief (by my dearest brother), and so I decided to go grab one of those things you wear on your body, and yes, on my own initiative.
And don't remind me tomorrow is already Friday. Weekend? Oh cut the crap, block leave is crashing to an end. Thankfully, there is still YF tomorrow and sentosa on Saturday to keep me happy. I almost got sick today, or was I not? I don't know. I felt feverish, then giddy, then hot cold tingling sensation engulfing my senses. HAHA, it was fun still though. We crapped, and I laughed so much. Never laughed so much in one go before.
Ah. I woke up with a diarrhea this morning. It was so bad that I woke up about 3 times in 1 hour for discharging purposes. And more often than not, the discharge was aqueous rather than solid, not even molten. A sharp evident pain was so palpable at my stomach I could barely get up. That was thanks to eating moo ice cream plus some jelly drink plus Slurpee at one go. Plus, chicken wings and one whole relatively bigger than average box of fried rice. Pandemonium!
Oh yes. Wednesday was spent really doing nothing at log camp. I'm not part of log nor music but I found myself ghosting around their camp. I mostly only joined in the games, and food! Hah, I'm one lazy bump. But anyway since I've missed so much training the day before it was pretty pointless to be carrying on with the training that everyone else is doing. I'm a level one slime amidst level 30 knights or mages. Plus, I'm really not a log person and I don't really feel like I am going to end up doing anything log related.
As a finale, we played this game called Command and Conquer. Cliche, yes. But it was one chaotic mess. Organizing was so-so, but the game itself seemed more fun than it is when actually being executed. Basically it involves the infamous crawling on carpet in icy cold conditions (sadly, only simulated by air conditioning) to steal an enemy team's cone and return to your base with their cone. So, actually having said all that. There wasn't really any incentive in stealing the enemies cones besides bragging rights->that is if we actually knew who won the game at the end. A game of fighting spirit, or I would say, sacrificial spirit of sacrificing our knees willingly (due to the full of friction nature of carpet, evil I would say) to steal a pointless cone. In the name of a game, it was fun. But practically, the point was basically meaningless. But it was a game. and no one said games should be meaningful. Thus, the definition of a game.
It was approaching midnight and the soporific long briefings did cause the players to actually feel the disturbing need to just find a corner in the nicely comfortable air con room and snooze. Yes, that was what our whole team did. As the game commenced, one could find a clustered group of about 5 people lying motionless on the ground. Explosion? No. We're just resting in peace.
Yes. For the first game, I was being the sniper. The one that has to carry on a huge amount of load more than an average player. I think it was about one hundred grams, or more. Snipers need guns but in Singapore guns ain't allowed so we have to simulate using torch lights. Snipers indeed, once we killed someone, we basically gave away our location.
One funny thing that happened was that Dom Tse and me were engaged in sniper fire. The procedure was such that we had to call the names after the flickering of the torch light. He reacted first, but he called me Tay ye. He kept "Tay ye tay ye tay ye". And then I was about a split second slower as I declared his name. Indeed, the one who sniped first would send the other sniper home as a casualty. But no. I won that battle cause he called me Tay ye and not Tay Yi. That was quite hilarious because I won that battle just because of some silly mix up with me and my brother's name. Pointless I know, but some random crap. Something I bet everyone reading my blog have been anxiously waiting for.
The bed beckons I am currently dizzy and I have waterfalls beneath my nose. I think I'm sick. Time to call for times out.
And don't remind me tomorrow is already Friday. Weekend? Oh cut the crap, block leave is crashing to an end. Thankfully, there is still YF tomorrow and sentosa on Saturday to keep me happy. I almost got sick today, or was I not? I don't know. I felt feverish, then giddy, then hot cold tingling sensation engulfing my senses. HAHA, it was fun still though. We crapped, and I laughed so much. Never laughed so much in one go before.
Ah. I woke up with a diarrhea this morning. It was so bad that I woke up about 3 times in 1 hour for discharging purposes. And more often than not, the discharge was aqueous rather than solid, not even molten. A sharp evident pain was so palpable at my stomach I could barely get up. That was thanks to eating moo ice cream plus some jelly drink plus Slurpee at one go. Plus, chicken wings and one whole relatively bigger than average box of fried rice. Pandemonium!
Oh yes. Wednesday was spent really doing nothing at log camp. I'm not part of log nor music but I found myself ghosting around their camp. I mostly only joined in the games, and food! Hah, I'm one lazy bump. But anyway since I've missed so much training the day before it was pretty pointless to be carrying on with the training that everyone else is doing. I'm a level one slime amidst level 30 knights or mages. Plus, I'm really not a log person and I don't really feel like I am going to end up doing anything log related.
As a finale, we played this game called Command and Conquer. Cliche, yes. But it was one chaotic mess. Organizing was so-so, but the game itself seemed more fun than it is when actually being executed. Basically it involves the infamous crawling on carpet in icy cold conditions (sadly, only simulated by air conditioning) to steal an enemy team's cone and return to your base with their cone. So, actually having said all that. There wasn't really any incentive in stealing the enemies cones besides bragging rights->that is if we actually knew who won the game at the end. A game of fighting spirit, or I would say, sacrificial spirit of sacrificing our knees willingly (due to the full of friction nature of carpet, evil I would say) to steal a pointless cone. In the name of a game, it was fun. But practically, the point was basically meaningless. But it was a game. and no one said games should be meaningful. Thus, the definition of a game.
It was approaching midnight and the soporific long briefings did cause the players to actually feel the disturbing need to just find a corner in the nicely comfortable air con room and snooze. Yes, that was what our whole team did. As the game commenced, one could find a clustered group of about 5 people lying motionless on the ground. Explosion? No. We're just resting in peace.
Yes. For the first game, I was being the sniper. The one that has to carry on a huge amount of load more than an average player. I think it was about one hundred grams, or more. Snipers need guns but in Singapore guns ain't allowed so we have to simulate using torch lights. Snipers indeed, once we killed someone, we basically gave away our location.
One funny thing that happened was that Dom Tse and me were engaged in sniper fire. The procedure was such that we had to call the names after the flickering of the torch light. He reacted first, but he called me Tay ye. He kept "Tay ye tay ye tay ye". And then I was about a split second slower as I declared his name. Indeed, the one who sniped first would send the other sniper home as a casualty. But no. I won that battle cause he called me Tay ye and not Tay Yi. That was quite hilarious because I won that battle just because of some silly mix up with me and my brother's name. Pointless I know, but some random crap. Something I bet everyone reading my blog have been anxiously waiting for.
The bed beckons I am currently dizzy and I have waterfalls beneath my nose. I think I'm sick. Time to call for times out.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
I'm sitting down here at home with nothing much to do. My life is pretty much in a mess. Nothing to look forward to. I'm scared of posting to be honest, and I'm so scared I get too accustomed to civilian tranquility. What's more, I bet next Monday gonna feel like enlistment day all over again. New people, new environment, new rules. Why not sum it up and call it a new world. It ain't no longer "the island" where ghost pops out of no where, people die of soil infection or whatever you have. There ain't no ferry go round ride anymore. It's just, somewhere random. Some place, full of insecurities now as I think of it.
I'm thinking of creating another how well you know me quiz on facebook since I'm so bored but that would make me stink of self obsession. (oh wait, maybe I am after all). Randomly watching dramas but realized my attention span recently have been quite short. Prison Break, Lost and all other series which have hooked me in the past now fail miserably to capture my attention. Is it the quality of the plot, or is it just me?
I pondered over such stuff. The "hiatus theory" (still pending title) as how I would call it. I remember as a kid, I loved a game on my beloved playstation. It was Digimon World 3 if I remember. Or was it world 2. As a kid, I loved monster breeding games because I found them creative! And till today, I still kinda like them (I love Pokemon by the way). And unfortunately, that was when I was facing the first monster any kid in Singapore would face-the evil PSLE.
To summarize, I was a bad kid, with my eyes glued to the playstation all day long. I was so obsessed that I woke up about 2 hours before my bus to school came so I could have more adventure time in the virtual world. And so two weeks before the major exam, my dad somehow managed to scare me into studying for PSLE. And then, he kept my playstation away from my sight. Depressed I was, and cold turkey I became. but ultimately, fear motivated me. Even as a little kid, I still studied for that two weeks.
Now. After the last day of my higher mother tongue paper, I was so hyped up about coming home to continue my Digimon world adventure. I tell you, I was grinning ear to ear till I was filled with dismay. When I entered the game (the world), I felt everything suddenly unfamiliar and there was this nauseating urge to put down the game and move on with life. Suddenly I felt foolish playing that game, more of I did not know whether I wanted to play on, because there was already this barrier between me and this game. What was this? the once so enthusiastic me, the game waiting for me to pounce on, and the two weeks of time acting as a barrier in between. I never touched that game again, till today-I wonder why.
I tell you, till today I am still amazed. On the contrary, there are times when things turn out the other way round. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and it is true. but now, when do things go that way and when do things move in the opposite direction?I guess, time is the only way to decide what things you can be true to, and things which are an illusion in the first place.
I'm thinking of creating another how well you know me quiz on facebook since I'm so bored but that would make me stink of self obsession. (oh wait, maybe I am after all). Randomly watching dramas but realized my attention span recently have been quite short. Prison Break, Lost and all other series which have hooked me in the past now fail miserably to capture my attention. Is it the quality of the plot, or is it just me?
I pondered over such stuff. The "hiatus theory" (still pending title) as how I would call it. I remember as a kid, I loved a game on my beloved playstation. It was Digimon World 3 if I remember. Or was it world 2. As a kid, I loved monster breeding games because I found them creative! And till today, I still kinda like them (I love Pokemon by the way). And unfortunately, that was when I was facing the first monster any kid in Singapore would face-the evil PSLE.
To summarize, I was a bad kid, with my eyes glued to the playstation all day long. I was so obsessed that I woke up about 2 hours before my bus to school came so I could have more adventure time in the virtual world. And so two weeks before the major exam, my dad somehow managed to scare me into studying for PSLE. And then, he kept my playstation away from my sight. Depressed I was, and cold turkey I became. but ultimately, fear motivated me. Even as a little kid, I still studied for that two weeks.
Now. After the last day of my higher mother tongue paper, I was so hyped up about coming home to continue my Digimon world adventure. I tell you, I was grinning ear to ear till I was filled with dismay. When I entered the game (the world), I felt everything suddenly unfamiliar and there was this nauseating urge to put down the game and move on with life. Suddenly I felt foolish playing that game, more of I did not know whether I wanted to play on, because there was already this barrier between me and this game. What was this? the once so enthusiastic me, the game waiting for me to pounce on, and the two weeks of time acting as a barrier in between. I never touched that game again, till today-I wonder why.
I tell you, till today I am still amazed. On the contrary, there are times when things turn out the other way round. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and it is true. but now, when do things go that way and when do things move in the opposite direction?I guess, time is the only way to decide what things you can be true to, and things which are an illusion in the first place.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Timer starts ticking again
And so the oh so magical pass out is here. It is rumored that the day itself would be our happiest day in our lives, but oh no oh no, it wasn't. After the parade I could barely walk from all that malicious abrasions that span from my thighs to my ass crack. Pain was unbearably burning but there was no choice but to accept cruel fate. 24 km was actually pretty much a walk in the park, a breeze but it was the Z monster (aka sleepiness) that was haunting us ever since the beginning of the journey. I have to say I wasn't actually physically tired but more of mentally strained. Most of us developed headaches of some sort (due to the lack of sleep the previous days considering we have been doing area cleaning for the pass few days very intensively)
So block leave begins. 11 days of so called "civilian tranquility" Oh oh, so fun. It was really thankful that I was able to attend church camp at Malaysia, which was in my humble opinion short. But it was an experience which I thought gave me some bittersweet chills at the end of it. Reason being that I somehow feel that all these fun and enjoyable company is all temporal. Very soon, I will be hauled back to where they call prison and it all begins again. But no, wait, army is supposed to be fun. And the insecurity that is developing in me now is intensifying every day because I don't know where I would be posted and my life depends on it.
Camp was fun, albeit exhausting. Did not get to play tennis this year. I wasn't keen on the over hyped up water polo which is in my humble opinion boring to a great extent. Bowling was considered the best by me though I consecutively showed off how much I could suck, but it's okay. Bowling ain't my bowl of tea anyway. But my idea of fellowship somehow involves people sitting around doing nothing and trying to amuse themselves. That, in my opinion, is the most fun, and fulfilling fellowship where interaction is maximized. A ring of 20 people playing taboo is somehow, overkill.
I can be extroverted if I want to. But my shell is always there for me to withdraw. I don't know. Somehow nowadays I cannot relate to what they call " the rest of the world " because my life is like from 5bx to lights out and people stare at me when I say 3pm as 1500 hrs. I find it enjoyable to talk to people about army and talk about army life because it is somehow, disturbingly thrilling to recall and talk about experiences in the army. I wonder if it's going overboard. I relate everything to army. Sickening! But fun.
Anyway, passing out is actually sad contrary to popular belief. The 2nd day after passing out I woke up chanting the songs we sang during 24km in my head. They're so carved into my subconscious. Unknowingly somehow, memories just penetrate the conscious and overwhelms me. It was fun. The last 3 months.
So block leave begins. 11 days of so called "civilian tranquility" Oh oh, so fun. It was really thankful that I was able to attend church camp at Malaysia, which was in my humble opinion short. But it was an experience which I thought gave me some bittersweet chills at the end of it. Reason being that I somehow feel that all these fun and enjoyable company is all temporal. Very soon, I will be hauled back to where they call prison and it all begins again. But no, wait, army is supposed to be fun. And the insecurity that is developing in me now is intensifying every day because I don't know where I would be posted and my life depends on it.
Camp was fun, albeit exhausting. Did not get to play tennis this year. I wasn't keen on the over hyped up water polo which is in my humble opinion boring to a great extent. Bowling was considered the best by me though I consecutively showed off how much I could suck, but it's okay. Bowling ain't my bowl of tea anyway. But my idea of fellowship somehow involves people sitting around doing nothing and trying to amuse themselves. That, in my opinion, is the most fun, and fulfilling fellowship where interaction is maximized. A ring of 20 people playing taboo is somehow, overkill.
I can be extroverted if I want to. But my shell is always there for me to withdraw. I don't know. Somehow nowadays I cannot relate to what they call " the rest of the world " because my life is like from 5bx to lights out and people stare at me when I say 3pm as 1500 hrs. I find it enjoyable to talk to people about army and talk about army life because it is somehow, disturbingly thrilling to recall and talk about experiences in the army. I wonder if it's going overboard. I relate everything to army. Sickening! But fun.
Anyway, passing out is actually sad contrary to popular belief. The 2nd day after passing out I woke up chanting the songs we sang during 24km in my head. They're so carved into my subconscious. Unknowingly somehow, memories just penetrate the conscious and overwhelms me. It was fun. The last 3 months.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Don't look back
Yesterday I took a run down memory street. It was pitch dark and there was no one around as I ran pass PJC campus. I wondered then, how would it feel like if I was still a JC student. Being carefree and happy was what it seemed like. Was I like that then? School was so slack. I barely did homework, and I barely attended tutorials and I always ponned PE lessons. For what? Just to go practice piano in the hall, Or sleep at my favourite loner spot. Suddenly, the school field which I dread seeing every morning now makes me wonder, how nice would it be if I can go back to JC life.
Well. School people out there, you're lives are still your lives. What I mean is very simple. You go to school and when the school bell rings and you get yourselves out of the gate your life resumes. You get to keep your hair, you get to be defiant at teachers once in awhile and the worst you get is detention. The hardest thing you guys all have to do is homework, and maybe examinations. How good is life then. I wished I'd appreciated all that.
The bottom line is, your life is still your life. You are still you. But for me, I am not the me I know anymore. Even the me during weekends is suddenly found directionless. As I look into past holiday photos, I miss my previous unkempt long hair. I miss waving my fringe around, I miss styling my hair before I go out. I miss, I miss everything. YF, yes especially. It's been a long time since I went. Every time I get off in lieu on Fridays, it is wondrous coincidence how come they always don't have YF on those weeks.
Occasionally before my enlistment I would take a run behind my house at night. Yesterday as I ran by the canal, a tingling sensation oscillated my spine while a warm sensation burned my chest. How much I missed my very own life back.Am I going to whine about how much I want myself back every now and then. It is evidently there, the longing to become myself again. But at least it ain't that bad.
Granted, I never had so much fun in my life before. I suppose BMT is actually fun and a memorable experience. I'd never thought I could experience such pain, nor joy. But are the weekends they give you just to rot around enjoying your freedom? I find it senseless to do anything which involved time or commitment. I can't learn driving, I can't pick up something new. I just get to sit around doing nothing on weekends? Face it Tay Yi, you're life is now army. There's no driving nor music nor any other thing to look to. Just be happy that POP is coming.
About two years later, I am going to find myself back. I am going to buy my grand piano and practice all the pieces I want to play/master without any deadly sense of hesitation. I want to become who I was and who I've always wanted to be. Then, I'll grow back my old hair and enjoy university life. If only I could hold then, gain as much as I can from these two years. Perhaps time will fly.
Well. School people out there, you're lives are still your lives. What I mean is very simple. You go to school and when the school bell rings and you get yourselves out of the gate your life resumes. You get to keep your hair, you get to be defiant at teachers once in awhile and the worst you get is detention. The hardest thing you guys all have to do is homework, and maybe examinations. How good is life then. I wished I'd appreciated all that.
The bottom line is, your life is still your life. You are still you. But for me, I am not the me I know anymore. Even the me during weekends is suddenly found directionless. As I look into past holiday photos, I miss my previous unkempt long hair. I miss waving my fringe around, I miss styling my hair before I go out. I miss, I miss everything. YF, yes especially. It's been a long time since I went. Every time I get off in lieu on Fridays, it is wondrous coincidence how come they always don't have YF on those weeks.
Occasionally before my enlistment I would take a run behind my house at night. Yesterday as I ran by the canal, a tingling sensation oscillated my spine while a warm sensation burned my chest. How much I missed my very own life back.Am I going to whine about how much I want myself back every now and then. It is evidently there, the longing to become myself again. But at least it ain't that bad.
Granted, I never had so much fun in my life before. I suppose BMT is actually fun and a memorable experience. I'd never thought I could experience such pain, nor joy. But are the weekends they give you just to rot around enjoying your freedom? I find it senseless to do anything which involved time or commitment. I can't learn driving, I can't pick up something new. I just get to sit around doing nothing on weekends? Face it Tay Yi, you're life is now army. There's no driving nor music nor any other thing to look to. Just be happy that POP is coming.
About two years later, I am going to find myself back. I am going to buy my grand piano and practice all the pieces I want to play/master without any deadly sense of hesitation. I want to become who I was and who I've always wanted to be. Then, I'll grow back my old hair and enjoy university life. If only I could hold then, gain as much as I can from these two years. Perhaps time will fly.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
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