A maelstrom of events happened since I last blogged. Won't be going into much detail lest people take umbrage over whatever I was intending to write. Lately, I realized I haven't been able to think straight. I almost got into really hot boiling 1000 kelvin hot soup yesterday, but thankfully I was spared. Perhaps I was not thinking right, I was too rash and spontaneous.
This morning I heard Mr Lee our ex chinese teacher wants to see me. However, he is actually one of the discipline committee minions and somehow I figured it was related to yesterday's incident. Curious, I went to find him the first thing in the morning. And then apparently he back stab-ed me while I was trying to connect him through the telephone. Curiosity, oh wait, perhaps anxiety was overwhelming, I was wondering what he was going to say. Catch me for something I've done? A plenty of stuff to choose from. Send me to detention? 0.99 probability. So I figured it wasn't something spectacular or interesting. I braced myself.
Then it turned out he talked to me in a rather friendly tone about how pathetic my CIP hours was. And then I heaved a sigh of honest relief. Then he wants me to do some CIP for national day as well as some for some Project Agape. Somewhat and somehow, I agreed. And then not long after I figured I was going to get caught for hair. I did well, effectively get caught but not get caught. He just told me nicely to get it cut. No official warnings, or letters or detention.
The effectiveness of Night Study is diminishing. Somewhat, though the official end time is 2100 hrs, there is this contagious bug of fatigue or "work reluctance" or both that is very evident in the air from around 2030 hrs. At this magical minute the library will be transformed from a nerd den into a bunch of restless kids waiting to go home. Somehow, people start leaving at an exponentially rate after this magical minute. It is only inevitable to fall into this mood, this syndrome, or whatever you call it. Contagious, very.
Though I don't find it entirely effective, I have to conform to my 3 times per week pact with the school. It's decent, I guess, just that I didn't do much today.
I was listening to a good deal of Beethoven today. The library was too noisy and non conducive if I hear other people sprouting their own formulas vernacularly. Confusion strikes and I find it still better even if I get slightly engrossed in the music.
Finally I've cleared the three times for this week. I can go home tomorrow.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Under the waterfall
I stayed home today. Cleared a substantial amount of my slept debt this morning. Felt so energized. I stayed home so that I can have a piano around me all the time. I know, skipping school for that is controversial, but I still have my scales to prepare before Wednesday. You don't want to know how horrible it is right now. And still, perhaps I thought I could practice a little in school in the hall during breaks but I was so dead wrong. When there are people around, it will seem totally inappropriate to play scales. Somehow, no matter how much I try to resist I always end up playing pieces. Not exam pieces but my etudes.
I think night study is a great idea provided they don't squeeze an excess of people in the library and switch on only one aircon. Somehow, my body became very reactive to the shortage of fresh air that I couldn't concentrate last night. I guess, the next time I'm going, I'm definitely going to study outside. 'Compulsorized' people in the library, I wonder whats the point of that?
Honestly, I find staying at home more conducive. But sadly, I don't think the school trusts us anymore with that.
Stay at home to play scales? I played La Campanella more than anything. I managed to play one page up to almost max speed with almost no tension. Yay! Guess it's going to get harder from here on.
I think I should go clear some work now, I'm feeling a little guilty.
I think night study is a great idea provided they don't squeeze an excess of people in the library and switch on only one aircon. Somehow, my body became very reactive to the shortage of fresh air that I couldn't concentrate last night. I guess, the next time I'm going, I'm definitely going to study outside. 'Compulsorized' people in the library, I wonder whats the point of that?
Honestly, I find staying at home more conducive. But sadly, I don't think the school trusts us anymore with that.
Stay at home to play scales? I played La Campanella more than anything. I managed to play one page up to almost max speed with almost no tension. Yay! Guess it's going to get harder from here on.
I think I should go clear some work now, I'm feeling a little guilty.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Fatigue level max
A maelstrom of events happened today.
Woke up at an unearthly hour of 0600 hrs. (really early to me), considering I slept 0200 hrs this morning, and on top of that I didn't sleep well. Woke up feeling yucky, having a bad stomach (I think not enough sleep to properly digest my late night dinner yesterday).
It was of immense stupidity how I actually landed myself in being a volunteer of some children's society walk-a-thon. At that point I didn't know what I was up for, I mean like, what the heck, just go there stone get my hours and save my sorry butt worth zero hours. I should have been at church or even better, I should be frantically playing scales. But still, I landed myself on where I consider "out of Singapore", a place far far away, (though not long long ago), but still. *drum rolls* Fort Canning's park.
Some part of me tells me I've been there. As I step my foot into one metre square of the land in fort canning park, I felt a distinct absence of a feeling I should be getting. Or wait, should I be even feeling anything. Why was there no "oh I know this place" feeling. Why was there no pulse of nostalgia. Everything seemed foreign and misty. Unclear and vague. Well, the place looked really shabby, I didn't like it. I think it must have been the morning air that penetrated through my skull and numb my senses. Fatigue was already overwhelming.
Finally me and Jlam(we were on my dad's car), manage to reach the rendezvous point which was a place of haphazard motion, constant stupidity which could be summed up to a lot people, a lot of noise and a lot of chaos, minus the fact that everyone seemed like they suffer from a lack of vitamins or sleep, or both. There were a lot of people, from young to old. A very entropic group of people, I suppose. And till then, I still did not know of my purpose there.
Briefing commenced and finally I realized there were other volunteers from other galaxies And to my huge dismay, our mission wasn't conveyed through the means of a messenger and a scroll. However to my relieve/agony we were actually supposed to do road marshaling. A huge number of marshals were deployed into the route and each of us armed with a map and some common sense, (and of course, some determination to resist the itch of the relentless horde of mosquitoes which never seem to take a break), were slowly placed strategically along the entire 3Km course. (which is a really sad distance for a walk-a-thon?)
I ended up pairing with Collin and our location was rather weird. We had to stand on the top of an uphill pathway which according to the staff (or the pack leader, or the boss), is vehicle accessible route, in other words, we have to stand between the gap so that cars will never come and hit anyone taking their morning stroll! Initially, it seemed cool. I mean, Protect the Frail and weak Marathoners from the nasty villain vehicles. Noble? I guess. It would have been the noblest of jobs if there were even vehicles coming this way. In our whole "standing time", not a single tyre came close, let alone a full fledged vehicle. Sadness.
Well standing is probably tougher than walking. Standing for one hour is more tiring than one hour of tennis, at least that's what we feel. And soon enough, the people started strolling in. Just like creeps in tower defense, except for the fact they were talking their own sweet time. Really slow, they were walking at probably half the speed of my usual speed. I guess many of them were frequent late comers during their school days. There were all variations of people, all shape and sizes and colour. Some in professional gear and they would look like a professional athlete if not for the fact that they were equipped with a rather prominent cannon ball between their chests and thighs. There were lovey-dovey couples which makes me wonder if the surfeit of mosquitoes made the bushes unpopular (or potentially dangerous). Primary school kids, who seem like they're enjoying it more than everyone else probably because they don't understand the meaning of a walk-a-thon (in other words, they were playing catching on a walk-a-thon).
And worst of all, secondary school boys and girls who were chattering amongst themselves. They were probably there due to strong coercive forces. Some were trying very hard to act cool, some were blasting music. Now that is only acceptable if you're blasting La Campanella or Mozart because real music is mean to be showcased. If only I was not a lowly road marshal, I would have teach these people a good lesson. Okay, the blasting music part was quite an exaggeration, I only spotted one or two.
Running in a walk-a-thon sounds perfectly fine. People stroll and if you're fit, you run. You show have much faster you can move as a human being, well relatively speaking, it adds on as well. However, from my observations, running in a walk-a-thon is as dumb as cycling in a shopping mall. Seriously, there were some who tried to pretend to be sick and tired of walking slowly, that they have to resort to move their limbs at such a fast rate that they looked totally retarded from the perspective of a road marshal.
I was not really being much of a marshal. I had a drink in one hand and I had a totally unfriendly face. Collin by accident said hello to a participant, whom turned back looking very shocked and embarrassed. I mean two road marshals who seemed nonchalent all the way suddenly says hi to this only one person. It was a middle aged lady, she gave this weird expression that was painfully priceless.
Because Collin had to answer nature's call (despite the fact that he left his phone with me), he left me marshaling alone for awhile. I had no one to tank the mosquito damage. Collin's blood is probably much sweeter than mine. When he was there, I never got bitten. But when he went away, mosquitoes (desperate ones), settle for lower grade blood. These miniature vampires were so annoying and the bites were so much of a pain. I was feeling so elated that I literally jumped for joy when Collin returned. And when he did, he got bitten even more.
It finally ended after about half an hour of mosquito-istic torture. And that was when our official duties ended. We went back and there was this carnival like settings. Flea market, games station and milo van. On top of that, they were giving out free candy floss and popcorn. I think ice cream was free for quite a while until they decided to charge. Not very sure. Games station were all about tossing something in hopes that it will hook something, hit something, or enter a hole in the wall.
And thus, the end of the road marshaling signaled the begin of our rather "free CIP hours", which translates into playing for CIP hours. The next four hours was spent playing, from carnival games to just rotting around. I even queued for a long time for the candy floss which I was craving so badly for.
By around noon, we were finally allowed to leave the place. In case of emergency torrential weather, the organizers prepared an excess of umbrellas which they give out for free later in the end. Lots of time, and then I brought home three! I intended to bring back 4. Next time when it's raining I can go out, and even if I forget to bring my umbrella home, I won't get a big nag anymore.
Shared cab back and I was feeling so fatigued from playing scales till 0200 hours this morning. I reached home.
And then...
I want to continue blogging about the rest of the day but apparently I think this post is really long so I will stop here.
I think this piano exam will be fine though.
Woke up at an unearthly hour of 0600 hrs. (really early to me), considering I slept 0200 hrs this morning, and on top of that I didn't sleep well. Woke up feeling yucky, having a bad stomach (I think not enough sleep to properly digest my late night dinner yesterday).
It was of immense stupidity how I actually landed myself in being a volunteer of some children's society walk-a-thon. At that point I didn't know what I was up for, I mean like, what the heck, just go there stone get my hours and save my sorry butt worth zero hours. I should have been at church or even better, I should be frantically playing scales. But still, I landed myself on where I consider "out of Singapore", a place far far away, (though not long long ago), but still. *drum rolls* Fort Canning's park.
Some part of me tells me I've been there. As I step my foot into one metre square of the land in fort canning park, I felt a distinct absence of a feeling I should be getting. Or wait, should I be even feeling anything. Why was there no "oh I know this place" feeling. Why was there no pulse of nostalgia. Everything seemed foreign and misty. Unclear and vague. Well, the place looked really shabby, I didn't like it. I think it must have been the morning air that penetrated through my skull and numb my senses. Fatigue was already overwhelming.
Finally me and Jlam(we were on my dad's car), manage to reach the rendezvous point which was a place of haphazard motion, constant stupidity which could be summed up to a lot people, a lot of noise and a lot of chaos, minus the fact that everyone seemed like they suffer from a lack of vitamins or sleep, or both. There were a lot of people, from young to old. A very entropic group of people, I suppose. And till then, I still did not know of my purpose there.
Briefing commenced and finally I realized there were other volunteers from other galaxies And to my huge dismay, our mission wasn't conveyed through the means of a messenger and a scroll. However to my relieve/agony we were actually supposed to do road marshaling. A huge number of marshals were deployed into the route and each of us armed with a map and some common sense, (and of course, some determination to resist the itch of the relentless horde of mosquitoes which never seem to take a break), were slowly placed strategically along the entire 3Km course. (which is a really sad distance for a walk-a-thon?)
I ended up pairing with Collin and our location was rather weird. We had to stand on the top of an uphill pathway which according to the staff (or the pack leader, or the boss), is vehicle accessible route, in other words, we have to stand between the gap so that cars will never come and hit anyone taking their morning stroll! Initially, it seemed cool. I mean, Protect the Frail and weak Marathoners from the nasty villain vehicles. Noble? I guess. It would have been the noblest of jobs if there were even vehicles coming this way. In our whole "standing time", not a single tyre came close, let alone a full fledged vehicle. Sadness.
Well standing is probably tougher than walking. Standing for one hour is more tiring than one hour of tennis, at least that's what we feel. And soon enough, the people started strolling in. Just like creeps in tower defense, except for the fact they were talking their own sweet time. Really slow, they were walking at probably half the speed of my usual speed. I guess many of them were frequent late comers during their school days. There were all variations of people, all shape and sizes and colour. Some in professional gear and they would look like a professional athlete if not for the fact that they were equipped with a rather prominent cannon ball between their chests and thighs. There were lovey-dovey couples which makes me wonder if the surfeit of mosquitoes made the bushes unpopular (or potentially dangerous). Primary school kids, who seem like they're enjoying it more than everyone else probably because they don't understand the meaning of a walk-a-thon (in other words, they were playing catching on a walk-a-thon).
And worst of all, secondary school boys and girls who were chattering amongst themselves. They were probably there due to strong coercive forces. Some were trying very hard to act cool, some were blasting music. Now that is only acceptable if you're blasting La Campanella or Mozart because real music is mean to be showcased. If only I was not a lowly road marshal, I would have teach these people a good lesson. Okay, the blasting music part was quite an exaggeration, I only spotted one or two.
Running in a walk-a-thon sounds perfectly fine. People stroll and if you're fit, you run. You show have much faster you can move as a human being, well relatively speaking, it adds on as well. However, from my observations, running in a walk-a-thon is as dumb as cycling in a shopping mall. Seriously, there were some who tried to pretend to be sick and tired of walking slowly, that they have to resort to move their limbs at such a fast rate that they looked totally retarded from the perspective of a road marshal.
I was not really being much of a marshal. I had a drink in one hand and I had a totally unfriendly face. Collin by accident said hello to a participant, whom turned back looking very shocked and embarrassed. I mean two road marshals who seemed nonchalent all the way suddenly says hi to this only one person. It was a middle aged lady, she gave this weird expression that was painfully priceless.
Because Collin had to answer nature's call (despite the fact that he left his phone with me), he left me marshaling alone for awhile. I had no one to tank the mosquito damage. Collin's blood is probably much sweeter than mine. When he was there, I never got bitten. But when he went away, mosquitoes (desperate ones), settle for lower grade blood. These miniature vampires were so annoying and the bites were so much of a pain. I was feeling so elated that I literally jumped for joy when Collin returned. And when he did, he got bitten even more.
It finally ended after about half an hour of mosquito-istic torture. And that was when our official duties ended. We went back and there was this carnival like settings. Flea market, games station and milo van. On top of that, they were giving out free candy floss and popcorn. I think ice cream was free for quite a while until they decided to charge. Not very sure. Games station were all about tossing something in hopes that it will hook something, hit something, or enter a hole in the wall.
And thus, the end of the road marshaling signaled the begin of our rather "free CIP hours", which translates into playing for CIP hours. The next four hours was spent playing, from carnival games to just rotting around. I even queued for a long time for the candy floss which I was craving so badly for.
By around noon, we were finally allowed to leave the place. In case of emergency torrential weather, the organizers prepared an excess of umbrellas which they give out for free later in the end. Lots of time, and then I brought home three! I intended to bring back 4. Next time when it's raining I can go out, and even if I forget to bring my umbrella home, I won't get a big nag anymore.
Shared cab back and I was feeling so fatigued from playing scales till 0200 hours this morning. I reached home.
And then...
I want to continue blogging about the rest of the day but apparently I think this post is really long so I will stop here.
I think this piano exam will be fine though.
La La La Impossible
I guess I shouldn't be staying up that late considering that I have to reach Fort Canning by 0700 hrs tomorrow morning. What a way to start a day.
I have been trying to cope with the pressure. I mean, one week left and all the scale work to do. On top of that, My B piece (this 3 page prelude) is in fragments and I have to get it back together. I find myself sight reading at the last page, (which is very dangerous considering how much time is left). I think I'll manage, somehow.
I've been trying to study as well, I would say perhaps to no avail. Right now, I don't even know what takes priority. And heck, I'm always doing the right thing at the wrong time and vice versa.
I don't care. I'm going to play La Campenella after all this. I don't have a printer and I have no score. The most desperate way is to stare at the PDF version, get as much into your brain as possible, dash downstairs to memorize it on the piano. Tough memory work, but I'm confident of my memory. I did one page of the entire right hand in like, 2 shots. But I guess I'll have to print it sooner or later.
I have almost as equal fervor (if not more) as I did with the 10-4. The only problem now is the lack of time. Sadly.
I have been trying to cope with the pressure. I mean, one week left and all the scale work to do. On top of that, My B piece (this 3 page prelude) is in fragments and I have to get it back together. I find myself sight reading at the last page, (which is very dangerous considering how much time is left). I think I'll manage, somehow.
I've been trying to study as well, I would say perhaps to no avail. Right now, I don't even know what takes priority. And heck, I'm always doing the right thing at the wrong time and vice versa.
I don't care. I'm going to play La Campenella after all this. I don't have a printer and I have no score. The most desperate way is to stare at the PDF version, get as much into your brain as possible, dash downstairs to memorize it on the piano. Tough memory work, but I'm confident of my memory. I did one page of the entire right hand in like, 2 shots. But I guess I'll have to print it sooner or later.
I have almost as equal fervor (if not more) as I did with the 10-4. The only problem now is the lack of time. Sadly.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
That inherence
I just discovered my piano exam is in one week's time. I haven't touched my pieces in like 2 months and not even close to completing my scales. On top of that, the pressure from all sorts of aspects are now pushing in. That absolute inherence, that complacency. After all, should I even feel an acute sense of fear because effectively this is the first music exam I am going to take and I'm not even prepared one week before. I was quite prepared like say months ago, but now I've forgotten everything. Time to recap, revise and, recover. Though grade 6 may seem like I can take it quite lightly, after all, I've been playing diploma etudes non stop. Technicality is not a problem, more of, musicality, and the horrendous chore of memorizing all scales is really going to be a problem. The crux of the problem? Complacency. Looking back, it already seems like a quantum leap to be able to jump so high and so far within only one year of study, but the way I'm treating it doesn't show that I'm satisfied at all.
I'm not worried, neither am I scared. But I just feel pressured. The long awaited adrenaline rush. Thus, I have to spend my entire day doing piano, and math, then physics then piano again. What a weekend? To a certain extent, I am actually enjoying myself.
I woke up, with a tingling sensation of fear. CIP today had been canceled, I feel relieved.
I feel wide awake now, I wonder why. Perhaps, after all I'm not really enjoying the feeling of getting pwned in math. Chem Tys makes me look actually not much like a nubcake, physics revision package kills me, and math revision sets are annoying the hell out of me.
On a happier note, let me get this exam done with. I am throughly sick of those pieces (though I can't exactly play them fluently as of now), I am sick of having to learn something that easy. I don't want to play scales. I want to just fly to the moon with etudes. Just give me something hard and challenging, make it worth my time.
I don't like the way I'm blogging now.
I'm not worried, neither am I scared. But I just feel pressured. The long awaited adrenaline rush. Thus, I have to spend my entire day doing piano, and math, then physics then piano again. What a weekend? To a certain extent, I am actually enjoying myself.
I woke up, with a tingling sensation of fear. CIP today had been canceled, I feel relieved.
I feel wide awake now, I wonder why. Perhaps, after all I'm not really enjoying the feeling of getting pwned in math. Chem Tys makes me look actually not much like a nubcake, physics revision package kills me, and math revision sets are annoying the hell out of me.
On a happier note, let me get this exam done with. I am throughly sick of those pieces (though I can't exactly play them fluently as of now), I am sick of having to learn something that easy. I don't want to play scales. I want to just fly to the moon with etudes. Just give me something hard and challenging, make it worth my time.
I don't like the way I'm blogging now.
Friday, July 25, 2008
My zone
Surveys are no-brainers. I was randomly selected with a few others from my class and about two hundred other people from the cohort to take part in this biannual national survey. It was so ironic how I waited one hour for the briefing and and additional 15 minutes which was wasted to pretty pointless attendance taking.
I finished the survey in less than a minute. (supposed to span 15 minutes)Anyway, in such carefully crafted surveys, more often than not, blindly filling in would naturally result in the answer you would eventually give even if you gave the question your thoughts. Agreeing is the safest way to go, and then ticking all agrees as default and briefly scanning through for any anomaly/weird question or question that you are inclined to disagree, allows one to complete it faster. I didn't go on my survey autopilot, and all I did was to do faster than normal. Can't blame me for that.
Oh well. School was pretty much still in that sunken, sullen mood. After all, prelims are in a month and a half's time and looking at the Physics Revision Package makes me wonder if I am even able to finish even half of it. Though I am sure only strange, odd, muggerish people would finish the entire thing, I would have to say that it is actually an artifact that inspires me. By what means? I am not very sure. Certainly, it thrills me to do something seemingly harder than average questions. It seems like an etude like effect on physics. For once. (even when I have no basics)
Sometimes, guilt overwhelms me. I wonder what is this unclean feeling, this arcane sense of impurity. Stygian and depressing. Today I played Chopin's Etude Number 4 again in the hall, and there was this guy watching me from the side. He looked as if he was watching me closely and I was feeling greatly intimidated. Then he came up to me and asked for my name and he says he knows me. He tries to confirm if I really have been playing the piano for one year, then he introduces himself, shoves in some lines that I'm 'good', ( for the fact that I assume that that was merely to introduce an ice breaking flattering effect into the rather uncomfortable scenario). I've recieved two compliments today from people whom I don't know. But all I played was a messy, disheveled Chopin Etude.
And that is where all the guilt settles in. Though on the outside, perhaps it might sound impressive. It might sound fast, screechy, explosive. But internally, I know every single note that I missed. Some people are able to tell, some people are oblivious when I mask everything with washes of pedal. There are so many section which I have not been able to execute properly. And there are also sections which have wrong notes, missed notes, and all sorts of blunders. What I present, is nothing but a half baked, half hearted, overly cooked pie with on toppings, no flavor. I feel utterly disgusted.
Yet I have no time to make any changes. The urgency of Prelims will be right behind our backs and pressure is building up everywhere. I have 14 hours of CIP to make up for, thousand of chapters to work on, and a few millions of doubts left unsettled. I have lofty aims for prelims in hopes that if I manage to achieve that I will be able to soften down and go back into my musical endeavors. As I watch a video of Liszt's La Campenella, the flame within me ignites.
And then I have to reluctantly extinguish it.
What a stupid post.
I finished the survey in less than a minute. (supposed to span 15 minutes)Anyway, in such carefully crafted surveys, more often than not, blindly filling in would naturally result in the answer you would eventually give even if you gave the question your thoughts. Agreeing is the safest way to go, and then ticking all agrees as default and briefly scanning through for any anomaly/weird question or question that you are inclined to disagree, allows one to complete it faster. I didn't go on my survey autopilot, and all I did was to do faster than normal. Can't blame me for that.
Oh well. School was pretty much still in that sunken, sullen mood. After all, prelims are in a month and a half's time and looking at the Physics Revision Package makes me wonder if I am even able to finish even half of it. Though I am sure only strange, odd, muggerish people would finish the entire thing, I would have to say that it is actually an artifact that inspires me. By what means? I am not very sure. Certainly, it thrills me to do something seemingly harder than average questions. It seems like an etude like effect on physics. For once. (even when I have no basics)
Sometimes, guilt overwhelms me. I wonder what is this unclean feeling, this arcane sense of impurity. Stygian and depressing. Today I played Chopin's Etude Number 4 again in the hall, and there was this guy watching me from the side. He looked as if he was watching me closely and I was feeling greatly intimidated. Then he came up to me and asked for my name and he says he knows me. He tries to confirm if I really have been playing the piano for one year, then he introduces himself, shoves in some lines that I'm 'good', ( for the fact that I assume that that was merely to introduce an ice breaking flattering effect into the rather uncomfortable scenario). I've recieved two compliments today from people whom I don't know. But all I played was a messy, disheveled Chopin Etude.
And that is where all the guilt settles in. Though on the outside, perhaps it might sound impressive. It might sound fast, screechy, explosive. But internally, I know every single note that I missed. Some people are able to tell, some people are oblivious when I mask everything with washes of pedal. There are so many section which I have not been able to execute properly. And there are also sections which have wrong notes, missed notes, and all sorts of blunders. What I present, is nothing but a half baked, half hearted, overly cooked pie with on toppings, no flavor. I feel utterly disgusted.
Yet I have no time to make any changes. The urgency of Prelims will be right behind our backs and pressure is building up everywhere. I have 14 hours of CIP to make up for, thousand of chapters to work on, and a few millions of doubts left unsettled. I have lofty aims for prelims in hopes that if I manage to achieve that I will be able to soften down and go back into my musical endeavors. As I watch a video of Liszt's La Campenella, the flame within me ignites.
And then I have to reluctantly extinguish it.
What a stupid post.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Not time to emo
Some people just crumble to pressure. I don't.
School has been interesting lately. Some people, getting sucked into everything the school is trying to feed them, and finally aggravates the situation by giving up hope and wanting to "self-retain". Some people who fared almost equally as bad feels as if they are one league up just because they passed one subject more. (when it is clear how limits work and binds people to where they belong and how far they can go). Though is so unclear but it is clearly so evident how some people will face internal limits. where the problem lies internally. sometimes i seriously wonder, if stupidity killed the cat, while are some people still alive? (curiosity did, not stupidity, I know)
If you look at the situation horizontally across, you would realize everyone is roughly the same. muggers stay muggers, they stay several notches up higher so I won't compare. they are forever living in their own world until we equalize with them in A levels. S'es and E'es are just a difference of one question more often than not. Your U and S is probably a difference of being luckier overall in most segments in most papers. And U and A is just another difference that cannot be classed as big or small.
If you realize, some people are being mentally victimized. But whether it is for a good cause or not, we will never know until the outcome unveils itself. However inversely, there have been some spared from this critical judgment. They are spared from having people laying down consequences in front of them, there are spared from being told that they have been weeded from the rest because they are under performing, when in actual fact. they aren't doing much better.
From what I heard so far, I strongly believe those who have decided to plummet themselves down not to, though the decision is already made for those. I can't do anything. And also, in their place, some people who have been wrongly spared this time round should recheck themselves. Do not levitate yourself when you are the same, not worst.
If you notice so far, this has been a deceptive bashing post. If you are intellectual enough to get what I meant, by all means. Prosecute me! (just kidding).
I wouldn't say relax but it's time for me to buck up too. I mean, though it's just A levels but finally I have to terms that not studying and doing well does not exist in the same equation. Maybe.
School has been interesting lately. Some people, getting sucked into everything the school is trying to feed them, and finally aggravates the situation by giving up hope and wanting to "self-retain". Some people who fared almost equally as bad feels as if they are one league up just because they passed one subject more. (when it is clear how limits work and binds people to where they belong and how far they can go). Though is so unclear but it is clearly so evident how some people will face internal limits. where the problem lies internally. sometimes i seriously wonder, if stupidity killed the cat, while are some people still alive? (curiosity did, not stupidity, I know)
If you look at the situation horizontally across, you would realize everyone is roughly the same. muggers stay muggers, they stay several notches up higher so I won't compare. they are forever living in their own world until we equalize with them in A levels. S'es and E'es are just a difference of one question more often than not. Your U and S is probably a difference of being luckier overall in most segments in most papers. And U and A is just another difference that cannot be classed as big or small.
If you realize, some people are being mentally victimized. But whether it is for a good cause or not, we will never know until the outcome unveils itself. However inversely, there have been some spared from this critical judgment. They are spared from having people laying down consequences in front of them, there are spared from being told that they have been weeded from the rest because they are under performing, when in actual fact. they aren't doing much better.
From what I heard so far, I strongly believe those who have decided to plummet themselves down not to, though the decision is already made for those. I can't do anything. And also, in their place, some people who have been wrongly spared this time round should recheck themselves. Do not levitate yourself when you are the same, not worst.
If you notice so far, this has been a deceptive bashing post. If you are intellectual enough to get what I meant, by all means. Prosecute me! (just kidding).
I wouldn't say relax but it's time for me to buck up too. I mean, though it's just A levels but finally I have to terms that not studying and doing well does not exist in the same equation. Maybe.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Normal
Late! Rubbish, I don't feel like even blogging recently. Today I was almost late again, wait, I was. I found out the problem! I have been consecutively late because of the fact that my handphone time is inaccurate, which is 3 minutes earlier than the actual time. That's why I am on average 2-3 minutes late. Rubbish! It was raining today and I just managed to slip pass and get to class.
Had this GP mock exam which the aircon died on us halfway. It was 200 people competing for oxygen. It was a suffocating experience, and still having to race on with time is one big problem. Hate those auto-switch off timings for LTs. The paper was hard, yeps, hard. But I think the passage was entertaining in a way such that I learn a lot new words. (pardon me, it's late and my mind not really working right now).
I guess it's finally time to buckle my seat belt and go gear 4. Sacrifices are nessecary.
I don't feel like blogging anymore...
Had this GP mock exam which the aircon died on us halfway. It was 200 people competing for oxygen. It was a suffocating experience, and still having to race on with time is one big problem. Hate those auto-switch off timings for LTs. The paper was hard, yeps, hard. But I think the passage was entertaining in a way such that I learn a lot new words. (pardon me, it's late and my mind not really working right now).
I guess it's finally time to buckle my seat belt and go gear 4. Sacrifices are nessecary.
I don't feel like blogging anymore...
Monday, July 21, 2008
Concentration
Returning to school isn't really really really that detestable. I mean, school is fantastic. Look, they have teachers depriving you of your last 20 metre sprint into the assembly area and mark you late for that. Well, I was on the verge of being late, not late, but almost. Usually, assembly would be held at the parade square which was about a 20 metre walking distance away from the hall. Today morning assembly was held at the hall, which will take me about 50 seconds more to reach as compared to the parade square.
By the time I was at the concourse (which was 10 seconds away from the assembly ground). it was 7:39:40 hrs. I had an ample time of 20 seconds to reach a place where I only needed 10 seconds. However, due to the fact that assembly was held in the hall.(unusually) I didn't have enough time to get there. I reached the foot of the ramp (which contributes to all the extra distance to the hall), at 7:39:40 hours and I needed 50 seconds more time to get into the hall and find my class. thus, due to some miscalculations and unexpected situation, I was held back at the concourse together with about a hundred other pitiful souls who deserve the same amount of sympathy as me.
There weren't much consequence. I mean, what beats standing in front of a gigantic intimidating discipline committee minion (who ordered me to cut my hair last week), with the same (if not longer) unkempt hair. I didn't bathe this morning, which made my hair messier than ever. Fortunately, the excess of latecomers made it difficult for any "close combat style" attire check to be conducted.
Of course, I think there are two levels to being late. being trapped at the concourse and being trapped near the school gate. being stopped at the school gate warrants a fine chance to play with the scanner. (yes, the card scanner). and an involuntary chance to stay in the school (and enjoy their awesome facilities) till 1800 hrs. Being trapped at the concourse doesn't really do much harm. It's just a big risk for people like me who are forever breaking school rules.
Anyway school passed swiftly despite it being Monday. The classrooms surprisingly did not look blue for once. I decided to stay for night study because I wanted to evaluate it's productivity again. Or rather re-evaluate. I drank coke before night study and I was alert. And then I was asked when scanning in by the math head about my rock bottom performance in the mid years. (How I dropped back to a U from an A.). Thankfully, it didn't sound serious. But I guess that's what I really want to find out too. I given up hope on math for now though. It was relatively productive though.
Jlam came over to my place before night study. And Finale Notepad is really really fun. uberly humorous. It was amazing how we crapped, and laughed when something spectacularly stupid came out of it. Inspiration no 1, a collaboration by Jlam and TY. We wanted to print my Suite no 1 but my stupid printer couldn't run because I don't have it's software!!!
~Lalalala~
By the time I was at the concourse (which was 10 seconds away from the assembly ground). it was 7:39:40 hrs. I had an ample time of 20 seconds to reach a place where I only needed 10 seconds. However, due to the fact that assembly was held in the hall.(unusually) I didn't have enough time to get there. I reached the foot of the ramp (which contributes to all the extra distance to the hall), at 7:39:40 hours and I needed 50 seconds more time to get into the hall and find my class. thus, due to some miscalculations and unexpected situation, I was held back at the concourse together with about a hundred other pitiful souls who deserve the same amount of sympathy as me.
There weren't much consequence. I mean, what beats standing in front of a gigantic intimidating discipline committee minion (who ordered me to cut my hair last week), with the same (if not longer) unkempt hair. I didn't bathe this morning, which made my hair messier than ever. Fortunately, the excess of latecomers made it difficult for any "close combat style" attire check to be conducted.
Of course, I think there are two levels to being late. being trapped at the concourse and being trapped near the school gate. being stopped at the school gate warrants a fine chance to play with the scanner. (yes, the card scanner). and an involuntary chance to stay in the school (and enjoy their awesome facilities) till 1800 hrs. Being trapped at the concourse doesn't really do much harm. It's just a big risk for people like me who are forever breaking school rules.
Anyway school passed swiftly despite it being Monday. The classrooms surprisingly did not look blue for once. I decided to stay for night study because I wanted to evaluate it's productivity again. Or rather re-evaluate. I drank coke before night study and I was alert. And then I was asked when scanning in by the math head about my rock bottom performance in the mid years. (How I dropped back to a U from an A.). Thankfully, it didn't sound serious. But I guess that's what I really want to find out too. I given up hope on math for now though. It was relatively productive though.
Jlam came over to my place before night study. And Finale Notepad is really really fun. uberly humorous. It was amazing how we crapped, and laughed when something spectacularly stupid came out of it. Inspiration no 1, a collaboration by Jlam and TY. We wanted to print my Suite no 1 but my stupid printer couldn't run because I don't have it's software!!!
~Lalalala~
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Tired
Yesterday was one insane day. For the first time I played squash and I got to say it's really a great game. I didn't miss balls cause mainly I could copy and paste over my badminton strokes and my ball sense made it easier. A lot easier, the footwork is the same too. So I could, I guess, move? I think it's the first thing that I tried for the first time that I did not really suck badly in. Should I say congrats to myself. It was fatigue inducing. really tired. Small Dom is really good, he got really l33t shots.
Then I played tennis after that I couldn't whack balls. First, the fatigue. Second, the 1 hour plus of squash has screwed my ability to play tennis. Suddenly, the racket feel so much heavier and the ability to wrist it has been significantly reduced. So sad. Ronald and my bro were off too, everyone was off. really really off, and I think was worst. We played match and I won my brother even though his strokes were much better just because I tried not to make mistakes. I won, but it was a stupid victory. I tied with Ronald 2-2 at the point where we had to leave, it was quite sad also because I attempted to recover my overhead serve, but to no avail. I feel hopeless.Though I didn't really think much, I just was too fatigued.
Need to play more. My bro is going to overwhelm me at this rate. He got l33t backhand. And I got none. I used to have a better serve but somehow, it's screwed again.
And yes, what a stupid mistake.
I haven' t been doing much work. But I've been doing significant Chem this week. I have this unexplainable arcane urge to do chem, but not physics and math. Somehow I dread math now.
It's Sunday already. What an unproductive weekend.
Then I played tennis after that I couldn't whack balls. First, the fatigue. Second, the 1 hour plus of squash has screwed my ability to play tennis. Suddenly, the racket feel so much heavier and the ability to wrist it has been significantly reduced. So sad. Ronald and my bro were off too, everyone was off. really really off, and I think was worst. We played match and I won my brother even though his strokes were much better just because I tried not to make mistakes. I won, but it was a stupid victory. I tied with Ronald 2-2 at the point where we had to leave, it was quite sad also because I attempted to recover my overhead serve, but to no avail. I feel hopeless.Though I didn't really think much, I just was too fatigued.
Need to play more. My bro is going to overwhelm me at this rate. He got l33t backhand. And I got none. I used to have a better serve but somehow, it's screwed again.
And yes, what a stupid mistake.
I haven' t been doing much work. But I've been doing significant Chem this week. I have this unexplainable arcane urge to do chem, but not physics and math. Somehow I dread math now.
It's Sunday already. What an unproductive weekend.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Untitled
Another ordinary day. Or maybe not.
I walked into the school gates, and immediately I got caught for hair. I do not feel that my hair is extremely long, not to the extent that it warrants such a steadfast aggressive reaction. Maybe the way I let it dangle, let my fringe cover my forehead and leaving everything unkempt made it super obvious. I was utterly pissed when a teacher confronted me, asking me when I'm going to cut my hair. I said, tomorrow. And then she remarked, " by tomorrow ah". I don't see the point of asking, and then giving an order. Such stupidity. But still, I haven't cut my hair, and don't intend to. Maybe soon, cause it's getting untidy, but not because the school wants me to.
I don't understand the rationale behind using the hall for PE lessons when our school has a big unused piece of land also known as the field at our disposal. I mean, the problem is not with the hall. Each time I go up to play the piano during breaks with Jlam (sometimes) there is a teacher who gets looks pissed with the piano sound. True enough, it disrupts the lessons but honestly how audible do you have to get in a physical education lesson. They all look displeased, some PE teachers (like mine), tell us to stop. Playing the piano and having ask you to stop is a big insult, whether you are playing C major scale or Chopin's bang bang etudes. I sat there and trying not to make noise, I played a light chromatic scale. Then I got glared at by the PE teacher. Stupidity again, but I try to act nonchalent and play the most horrible ridiculous improvisation I have ever done.
Yesterday I escaped assembly because it was getting all sickening and pointless. Before I knew it, I found myself loitering in the hall and the only reason why I was loitering because some people were hogging the piano. I wanted to play it so badly and to make matters worst those people were playing random tunes, from pop, from the movie "secret". then bits and pieces, some I could identify and some which I could not. However, there was a disturbingly lack of Mozart, Chopin, Liszt, or their friends. For that matter, I strongly believe it was because of the disability to either appreciate, or the technicality to play them, or both. They were playing 2 bars of every weird tune I've ever heard. Horrible experience, considering that I wanted to play so badly.
I thought, " well let's give them say 10 minutes ", with all that they know, they probably can't play for long.There were 4 people around the piano taking turns to play fragments of whatever they knew. As far as I could hear, nothing came close to one page of completion. There were a disturbing amount of a pop songs, which was evidently memorized (from the break downs and continuations as though recalling information). They played some background music from secret, which was probably one of the utterly easy sight readable ones. The film came out one year ago and now they're still struggling with the easiest background music. I sighed. It feels horrible to have the piano hogged by such people.
Seriously 45 minutes passed and they were playing the same thing over. Getting worst, I could hear. I was walking around, and around. I even got a sandwich from the cafe. No sign of budging. I felt disgusted. Well, I sat there and finally they left.
And then I played. Chopin's Etude again having not practiced for say four days. The lacuna in my practice schedule totally wrecked my Etude. The melody sundered from the notes, and I could only hear washes of notes, but no melody. Jlam said, it felt weak. And I broke down thrice, while approaching the ending my arm was dying. I played it again today, it felt worst. I see it going down steeply from it, to the point that one day I wake up forgetting what was the first note again. I spent two whole months playing this etude, my dedication, and how disappointed I was when I couldn't play it up to my own expectations. I'm still far off from mastering it, However, I've reach a point where the bad habits are already formed and I need twice the effort to change them. As I have abandoned insane piano practice, as I have to dedicate time to save my sorry arse from the U syndrome, I really really have to say that I really don't think I can upkeep my etude. If I don't practice it for 30 minutes a day right now, it will continue, to drop. drop and drop. I fear for myself as this is the only complete piece in my repertoire. From what I see, it will disappear soon.
Look at me, pathetic. In my hearts, I mocked people who aren't serious. Those people probably thought they were cool to play the piano, playing popular tunes and such. But to me, it's a personal conquest, and endeavor to see how hard of a piece I can conquer. But yet now, I've failed miserably and when the more important things of life take over, piano has no choice but to give way. Irregardless of having to study or not, I've lost some motivation and practice in piano. However, something effortless and relatively interesting and relaxing would be improvisation and I am trying to improve it right now.
I still love music. I'm listening to Liszt Mephisto Waltz right now, but pop and catchy tunes don't sound right on the piano. They just don't. And people who think they're cool playing them.
I walked into the school gates, and immediately I got caught for hair. I do not feel that my hair is extremely long, not to the extent that it warrants such a steadfast aggressive reaction. Maybe the way I let it dangle, let my fringe cover my forehead and leaving everything unkempt made it super obvious. I was utterly pissed when a teacher confronted me, asking me when I'm going to cut my hair. I said, tomorrow. And then she remarked, " by tomorrow ah". I don't see the point of asking, and then giving an order. Such stupidity. But still, I haven't cut my hair, and don't intend to. Maybe soon, cause it's getting untidy, but not because the school wants me to.
I don't understand the rationale behind using the hall for PE lessons when our school has a big unused piece of land also known as the field at our disposal. I mean, the problem is not with the hall. Each time I go up to play the piano during breaks with Jlam (sometimes) there is a teacher who gets looks pissed with the piano sound. True enough, it disrupts the lessons but honestly how audible do you have to get in a physical education lesson. They all look displeased, some PE teachers (like mine), tell us to stop. Playing the piano and having ask you to stop is a big insult, whether you are playing C major scale or Chopin's bang bang etudes. I sat there and trying not to make noise, I played a light chromatic scale. Then I got glared at by the PE teacher. Stupidity again, but I try to act nonchalent and play the most horrible ridiculous improvisation I have ever done.
Yesterday I escaped assembly because it was getting all sickening and pointless. Before I knew it, I found myself loitering in the hall and the only reason why I was loitering because some people were hogging the piano. I wanted to play it so badly and to make matters worst those people were playing random tunes, from pop, from the movie "secret". then bits and pieces, some I could identify and some which I could not. However, there was a disturbingly lack of Mozart, Chopin, Liszt, or their friends. For that matter, I strongly believe it was because of the disability to either appreciate, or the technicality to play them, or both. They were playing 2 bars of every weird tune I've ever heard. Horrible experience, considering that I wanted to play so badly.
I thought, " well let's give them say 10 minutes ", with all that they know, they probably can't play for long.There were 4 people around the piano taking turns to play fragments of whatever they knew. As far as I could hear, nothing came close to one page of completion. There were a disturbing amount of a pop songs, which was evidently memorized (from the break downs and continuations as though recalling information). They played some background music from secret, which was probably one of the utterly easy sight readable ones. The film came out one year ago and now they're still struggling with the easiest background music. I sighed. It feels horrible to have the piano hogged by such people.
Seriously 45 minutes passed and they were playing the same thing over. Getting worst, I could hear. I was walking around, and around. I even got a sandwich from the cafe. No sign of budging. I felt disgusted. Well, I sat there and finally they left.
And then I played. Chopin's Etude again having not practiced for say four days. The lacuna in my practice schedule totally wrecked my Etude. The melody sundered from the notes, and I could only hear washes of notes, but no melody. Jlam said, it felt weak. And I broke down thrice, while approaching the ending my arm was dying. I played it again today, it felt worst. I see it going down steeply from it, to the point that one day I wake up forgetting what was the first note again. I spent two whole months playing this etude, my dedication, and how disappointed I was when I couldn't play it up to my own expectations. I'm still far off from mastering it, However, I've reach a point where the bad habits are already formed and I need twice the effort to change them. As I have abandoned insane piano practice, as I have to dedicate time to save my sorry arse from the U syndrome, I really really have to say that I really don't think I can upkeep my etude. If I don't practice it for 30 minutes a day right now, it will continue, to drop. drop and drop. I fear for myself as this is the only complete piece in my repertoire. From what I see, it will disappear soon.
Look at me, pathetic. In my hearts, I mocked people who aren't serious. Those people probably thought they were cool to play the piano, playing popular tunes and such. But to me, it's a personal conquest, and endeavor to see how hard of a piece I can conquer. But yet now, I've failed miserably and when the more important things of life take over, piano has no choice but to give way. Irregardless of having to study or not, I've lost some motivation and practice in piano. However, something effortless and relatively interesting and relaxing would be improvisation and I am trying to improve it right now.
I still love music. I'm listening to Liszt Mephisto Waltz right now, but pop and catchy tunes don't sound right on the piano. They just don't. And people who think they're cool playing them.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Rants
I don't like today. And I actually don't really have the blogging mood right now.
I woke up only 2.3 minutes later. And took a bath which took about 1.2 minutes more. And traffic lights conspire to turned red at such untimely moments which wasted a further 1.5 minutes. Thus, I was late by a grand total of 5 minutes. What? just for school, yea, noob shit school.
And then I was classified as late, and along with all my fellow late comers we were all told to surrender our ezlink cards. Well, it was certainly something unusual for me because this is the second time I was ever late for school in my entire entire life, contrasted with people who have their records moving into double digits. We had to stand at the concourse like mindless sorry people waiting for the announcements to end and our Civics Tutors to come identify us. As they oscillate their heads in simple harmonic motion, they mark attendance and get acerbic.
Well, the sad thing here for me is that late coming would usually result in me getting caught for hair. I think my tutors don't bother (after all, once people get used to a person in one image, they wouldn't really notice a difference, like for example, my ex-chinese tutor is one discipline committee minion who rarely manages to spot my longer than average hair). However, what are the chances of these PJC discipline forces spotting me when I usually walk by another way and not the main entrance. Only on such occasions will I meet them because late coming forces us to walk by the main entrance.
Being late is no big deal. (I thought..) The last time I was late, they just scanned our cards and released us as per normal. This time round, they ordered us to stand in attention and sing the national anthem without any background music. There were about twenty people but the sound produced was pathetic. I was very sure that only me and some two or three other guys were making themselves audible. The girls were hopeless, and refusing to up their voices. It was really an annoying, retarded situation. If we were not audible enough, they would make us repeat, and repeat. Though I still believe that was merely an empty threat, because it turned out horrible, with a good lot of phrase difference and after all it was barely audible. We survived. Same goes for the pledge. I was reciting it loudly, while the others weren't even making themselves heard. Yes, girls, tsk.
And then finally the unreasonable verdict. Those with their cards confiscated had to collect them at the office at 1800hrs, where the intention here is obviously making us stay back for no reason. What a petty punishment for being late. I was not spared of course. It's 1540 hrs and the reason I'm blogging right now is because I can simply run back to school and get it later. This almost totally negates any punishment but it is painstakingly annoying. Rules should be revised and there shouldn't really be much of a punishment for merely being late for 5 minutes. Five minutes is only three hundred seconds, a really insignificant percentage error compared to the entire day we normally spend in school. Be glad I'm there five minutes late because it could be worst. And plus the fact that more often than not, announcements are irrelevant, and morning assembly is just stupid.
I don't intend to cut my hair. Just hope I don't run into those teachers.
Today was the first day after a long time since I used glasses in school. Everything felt significantly better. I mean, clearer. And my world lights up. I can pay some attention in lessons now and I realize the fundamental problem which leads to feel drowsy and fatigued after awhile is because I had been following lessons with my ears and visualizing what's on the board. On top of that, on certain occasions I strain my eyes quite a lot. Aha, now all that is solved.
I really want to bash the entire CCA system, but knowing that I am going to offend the whole world, I better not. I bashed CIP before (you can find it in archives). CIP is merely indirectly forced labor, where you trade time for nonexistent imaginary currency. Yet so many fall into this compulsory trap, this gigantic rip off. this whole conspiracy. It's totally not worth it. More often than not, in most of these activities, we are not really contributing to the community. And again, more often than not, CIP is a subterfuge. We choose seemingly "community benefiting " activities just to level up the hours. But ultimately, no one wants to do the real core, dirty work which will truly benefit the society. And the only way to do that is to be accomplished financially and donate money. Do you think helping the school in their own events is in any way benefiting the community? Well, definitely not. It's just the only incentive the school can have so that they get the help they need.
To people with tons of CIP hours, reflect and look at where those hours come from. Help the library? More often than not, the library doesn't need help. Help school for an event? Think twice, the school is merely making use of you. Where is the link between school and community. I would say entertaining old folks or helping out in big scale events is really worthy of being classed as CIP. Anything that isn't close to that is just self deception. It proves that CIP is just about the helping oneself. It's because if you don't have the hours and you HAVE to get those hours if not your future is at risk. How about say, remove the compulsory tag to CIP and see who actually does anything. Chances are that the numbers will plummet significantly, very significantly. I think the entire system is skewed and abused.
If I'm going to help any way, I'll do it my own way. Helping the library just sounds so corny to be classified as CIP.
One word-SUPERFICIAL.
I woke up only 2.3 minutes later. And took a bath which took about 1.2 minutes more. And traffic lights conspire to turned red at such untimely moments which wasted a further 1.5 minutes. Thus, I was late by a grand total of 5 minutes. What? just for school, yea, noob shit school.
And then I was classified as late, and along with all my fellow late comers we were all told to surrender our ezlink cards. Well, it was certainly something unusual for me because this is the second time I was ever late for school in my entire entire life, contrasted with people who have their records moving into double digits. We had to stand at the concourse like mindless sorry people waiting for the announcements to end and our Civics Tutors to come identify us. As they oscillate their heads in simple harmonic motion, they mark attendance and get acerbic.
Well, the sad thing here for me is that late coming would usually result in me getting caught for hair. I think my tutors don't bother (after all, once people get used to a person in one image, they wouldn't really notice a difference, like for example, my ex-chinese tutor is one discipline committee minion who rarely manages to spot my longer than average hair). However, what are the chances of these PJC discipline forces spotting me when I usually walk by another way and not the main entrance. Only on such occasions will I meet them because late coming forces us to walk by the main entrance.
Being late is no big deal. (I thought..) The last time I was late, they just scanned our cards and released us as per normal. This time round, they ordered us to stand in attention and sing the national anthem without any background music. There were about twenty people but the sound produced was pathetic. I was very sure that only me and some two or three other guys were making themselves audible. The girls were hopeless, and refusing to up their voices. It was really an annoying, retarded situation. If we were not audible enough, they would make us repeat, and repeat. Though I still believe that was merely an empty threat, because it turned out horrible, with a good lot of phrase difference and after all it was barely audible. We survived. Same goes for the pledge. I was reciting it loudly, while the others weren't even making themselves heard. Yes, girls, tsk.
And then finally the unreasonable verdict. Those with their cards confiscated had to collect them at the office at 1800hrs, where the intention here is obviously making us stay back for no reason. What a petty punishment for being late. I was not spared of course. It's 1540 hrs and the reason I'm blogging right now is because I can simply run back to school and get it later. This almost totally negates any punishment but it is painstakingly annoying. Rules should be revised and there shouldn't really be much of a punishment for merely being late for 5 minutes. Five minutes is only three hundred seconds, a really insignificant percentage error compared to the entire day we normally spend in school. Be glad I'm there five minutes late because it could be worst. And plus the fact that more often than not, announcements are irrelevant, and morning assembly is just stupid.
I don't intend to cut my hair. Just hope I don't run into those teachers.
Today was the first day after a long time since I used glasses in school. Everything felt significantly better. I mean, clearer. And my world lights up. I can pay some attention in lessons now and I realize the fundamental problem which leads to feel drowsy and fatigued after awhile is because I had been following lessons with my ears and visualizing what's on the board. On top of that, on certain occasions I strain my eyes quite a lot. Aha, now all that is solved.
I really want to bash the entire CCA system, but knowing that I am going to offend the whole world, I better not. I bashed CIP before (you can find it in archives). CIP is merely indirectly forced labor, where you trade time for nonexistent imaginary currency. Yet so many fall into this compulsory trap, this gigantic rip off. this whole conspiracy. It's totally not worth it. More often than not, in most of these activities, we are not really contributing to the community. And again, more often than not, CIP is a subterfuge. We choose seemingly "community benefiting " activities just to level up the hours. But ultimately, no one wants to do the real core, dirty work which will truly benefit the society. And the only way to do that is to be accomplished financially and donate money. Do you think helping the school in their own events is in any way benefiting the community? Well, definitely not. It's just the only incentive the school can have so that they get the help they need.
To people with tons of CIP hours, reflect and look at where those hours come from. Help the library? More often than not, the library doesn't need help. Help school for an event? Think twice, the school is merely making use of you. Where is the link between school and community. I would say entertaining old folks or helping out in big scale events is really worthy of being classed as CIP. Anything that isn't close to that is just self deception. It proves that CIP is just about the helping oneself. It's because if you don't have the hours and you HAVE to get those hours if not your future is at risk. How about say, remove the compulsory tag to CIP and see who actually does anything. Chances are that the numbers will plummet significantly, very significantly. I think the entire system is skewed and abused.
If I'm going to help any way, I'll do it my own way. Helping the library just sounds so corny to be classified as CIP.
One word-SUPERFICIAL.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Chaotic
I have no dreams, no aspirations.No inspiration, no motivation.But I think it's for the better
I think I'm starting to try to pay some attention in school.
I mean, though I still fell asleep at the 45 minute mark, but that's drastic improvement.
I think it's time to forget all the crap about intelligence, smartness or whatever crap and get down to work.I'm getting tuition-ed, I think. Personally, I like spoon fed information.
And I can't find my laser notes.
I told myself to totally forget about it. Ty, let go. Just let go. I even composed something yesterday, I want to play my etudes, improve them, my half completed revolutionary is going from half completion to a quarter completion. In other words, it's deteriorating exponentially. I'm still listening to all these stuff. And now, I can't really have the time to practice. And by practice I mean going on 3-4 hours spree. I don't really see the point of practicing 1 hour and not improving much.
Forget it.
I think I'm starting to try to pay some attention in school.
I mean, though I still fell asleep at the 45 minute mark, but that's drastic improvement.
I think it's time to forget all the crap about intelligence, smartness or whatever crap and get down to work.I'm getting tuition-ed, I think. Personally, I like spoon fed information.
And I can't find my laser notes.
I told myself to totally forget about it. Ty, let go. Just let go. I even composed something yesterday, I want to play my etudes, improve them, my half completed revolutionary is going from half completion to a quarter completion. In other words, it's deteriorating exponentially. I'm still listening to all these stuff. And now, I can't really have the time to practice. And by practice I mean going on 3-4 hours spree. I don't really see the point of practicing 1 hour and not improving much.
Forget it.
Monday, July 14, 2008
No prizes for fainting
I got a big fat U grade for blood test today.
National service checkup went fine, it was much shorter then expected. The actual health checks were rather diversified, ranging from audio tests to chest x-ray. It spanned for around 2 hour plus in addition to the extra 2 hour computer test where they spam one with tests and about hundreds of IQ questions where you are supposed to complete in a time limit. Some totally retarded, some quite some fun. In addition, a small percentage would more of personality type questions and the last one was actually a survey.
First up was involuntary picture taking.
Now, some people told me that you can't go for the checkup with long hair. My hair isn't exceptionally long, (I've seen longer today, trust me) because you can't really take a photo which would be placed on the NS IC (or for the sole reason that you are going to take a picture). However, i was pleasantly surprised that the staff were armed with an arsenal of combs and water sprays which was able to tame my slightly longer hair and managed to make it look REALLY short and neat. Now, that was something I can't even achieve at home. (even if I wanted to). Impressed. In my fit of so called " amusement", I ticked highly satisfied in the entire survey form. o_o
The actual medical checkup was quite a pain. First station they asked us to urine on this piece of litmus paper look-alike. And then I seriously thought it was for some complex tests, but it turned out they asked us to throw it in the bin once we're done. This is my first urine test I've done on a litmus paper, and I certainly had to force my pee to come out by drinking a surfeit of water from the strategically placed water cooler. Along with the urine test, there was my most feared station, the blood test. Now, I would say I am pretty nonchalent towards all other forms of injections but I currently live with a horrible traumatic experience of having a needle impaled in my arm. Somewhere in my adolescence, I believe. I was afraid of needles since then, and till now, though I have become accustomed to ordinary injections, I still find myself unable to cross the hurdle and overcome the psychological fears of a blood test. probably because the thought of drawing blood from my own arm sickens me.
I turned pale. I thought " crap ". The old man attending to me was really kind and friendly and he was wearing a smile which was fortunately, not sadistic in any manner. He looked and me and as he slapped my forearm for my vein he realized I was partially trembling and I had problems clenching my fist. I was disabled. My heart beat was irregular, crescendo, crescendo, till the level where I could hear the pulse of it distinctively. It was rapid. I started to feel a warm sensation engulfing me, and then I felt giddy. I almost fainted.
I suppose these people who work there quite permanently would have harvested a decent amount of experience to tell between a "needle nonchalent" and a "needle phobic". person. Obviously, I was the latter. He politely told me never mind and brought me to an elevated bed platform where I was told to lie down and calm myself. I talked to myself, I told myself how useless I was. However, fearing needles is not something to really feel guilty about, after all, it's inevitable AND inherent. I don't think there's anything sissy about getting pale as you are about to be poked.
He came about ten minutes later when my heart beat became regular. He told me to lie down as he rubbed alcohol on my vein. I braced myself. I couldn't see him draw his sword (the needle). but I know it's going to be swift.I was impressed when he started talking to me, asking about my family, brothers, school, as he quietly injected it into me. I felt it, it wasn't pain. But after all I wasn't afraid of the pain but rather the thought and sight of it. I didn't shiver. Not at all. And before I knew it I was over and done with Station One.
And again, I was totally impressed by how friendly and amiable. And how they manage to coax a needle phobic into a painless experience. Again, in my fit of excitement (that station one is finally over), I ticked Highly Satisfied in the survey form.
Nothing else was really significant though some were interesting. Chest X-rays felt uncomfortable. Leaning your chest against a plastic machine that felt cold and unfriendly doesn't really seem too much like a good experience. There weren't private part inspection (which I was expecting). Audio tests were funny. There was this room where you played a game with the examiner. He played sounds from the right and left and you raise your hand accordingly. It really felt spastic, but I enjoyed that quick 10-20 seconds. The dentist was amazed at the amount of food particles between my braces. He was muttering weird dentistry lingo though.
I didn't like Station 6 where the whole room was filled with half naked males. There was a weird test which they plugged stuff onto your limbs and placed stuff on your chest (sorry, I fail to find the correct words to express this station). It was this ECP thing (I forgot the abbreviation, so forgive me) and it certainly felt quite spectacular cause they printed this entire page of minute graphs which looked soooo impressive. I wonder what were they measuring for anyway!
Finally I was led into a room where they asked to see your private parts. It was just a brief split second thing so I'm assuming they're confirming your gender. (which was ROFL!). Then they asked for medical history and then finally I realized they were going to give the verdict. End up, I got Pes A combat fit, which I guess was expected since I do not really have much medical problems, history or whatsoever. I don't even know what to expect. is this good? and why do I hear that so many people want to downgrade.
The whole thing ended swiftly. The entire medical checkup spanned 1 hour at most but what followed was a torturing computer test which was probably supposed to induce insanity in one. It was probably your "farewell gift". There were a myriad of questions. Or rather, sets of questions, each set came in boxes of 30-40 questions (but could be lesser on some weirder ones), and a time limit is set to about 15 minutes for each set. They had arithmetic problems, and a majority was PRIMARY SCHOOL math questions. They had rough paper and no calculator was allowed.
Though the pen-and-paper way to calculate stuff can be considered as effortless, it required an uphill effort for my right arm which was rather numb from the blood test. There was some evident pain as I wrote whenever I tried to scribble above a certain speed. I detested writing but I figured mental sums is going to be way too taxing for the entire 2 hour insanity test.
The tests were hilarious. There was a short term memory test where they asked you to memorize up to ten digits which was flashed in less than a second and recall it after a short interval of 2-3 seconds. The harder levels were tough. I hated visualization questions where imaging how stuff rotates was the foundation of the questions. I probably misread the instructions and guessed all 20 questions. Some were about reflexes, they flash numbers and see how fast you can spam them on your keyboard. There were English questions which test your relationship of definitions, which I probably got full marks for. The algebra questions was good and it makes me wonder if I am ever going to be enlisted into a bunk with people who doesn't know how to do such simple stuff at 18 years of age.
Some were plain stupid, while a majority were an insult to my intelligence. I'm sure the rest would agree with me, though there were some difficult questions, but I guess ultimately it doesn't matter. I don't even know what's the entire 2 hour test for. Is it going to have a big impact on us?
I left the place, feeling very fatigued. Now that I'm at home. I feel unmotivated to do anything.
Everything is temporal after all, isn't it. A few temporary moments make a bigger temporary moment and as time tends towards infinity do we still get a temporal moment?
National service checkup went fine, it was much shorter then expected. The actual health checks were rather diversified, ranging from audio tests to chest x-ray. It spanned for around 2 hour plus in addition to the extra 2 hour computer test where they spam one with tests and about hundreds of IQ questions where you are supposed to complete in a time limit. Some totally retarded, some quite some fun. In addition, a small percentage would more of personality type questions and the last one was actually a survey.
First up was involuntary picture taking.
Now, some people told me that you can't go for the checkup with long hair. My hair isn't exceptionally long, (I've seen longer today, trust me) because you can't really take a photo which would be placed on the NS IC (or for the sole reason that you are going to take a picture). However, i was pleasantly surprised that the staff were armed with an arsenal of combs and water sprays which was able to tame my slightly longer hair and managed to make it look REALLY short and neat. Now, that was something I can't even achieve at home. (even if I wanted to). Impressed. In my fit of so called " amusement", I ticked highly satisfied in the entire survey form. o_o
The actual medical checkup was quite a pain. First station they asked us to urine on this piece of litmus paper look-alike. And then I seriously thought it was for some complex tests, but it turned out they asked us to throw it in the bin once we're done. This is my first urine test I've done on a litmus paper, and I certainly had to force my pee to come out by drinking a surfeit of water from the strategically placed water cooler. Along with the urine test, there was my most feared station, the blood test. Now, I would say I am pretty nonchalent towards all other forms of injections but I currently live with a horrible traumatic experience of having a needle impaled in my arm. Somewhere in my adolescence, I believe. I was afraid of needles since then, and till now, though I have become accustomed to ordinary injections, I still find myself unable to cross the hurdle and overcome the psychological fears of a blood test. probably because the thought of drawing blood from my own arm sickens me.
I turned pale. I thought " crap ". The old man attending to me was really kind and friendly and he was wearing a smile which was fortunately, not sadistic in any manner. He looked and me and as he slapped my forearm for my vein he realized I was partially trembling and I had problems clenching my fist. I was disabled. My heart beat was irregular, crescendo, crescendo, till the level where I could hear the pulse of it distinctively. It was rapid. I started to feel a warm sensation engulfing me, and then I felt giddy. I almost fainted.
I suppose these people who work there quite permanently would have harvested a decent amount of experience to tell between a "needle nonchalent" and a "needle phobic". person. Obviously, I was the latter. He politely told me never mind and brought me to an elevated bed platform where I was told to lie down and calm myself. I talked to myself, I told myself how useless I was. However, fearing needles is not something to really feel guilty about, after all, it's inevitable AND inherent. I don't think there's anything sissy about getting pale as you are about to be poked.
He came about ten minutes later when my heart beat became regular. He told me to lie down as he rubbed alcohol on my vein. I braced myself. I couldn't see him draw his sword (the needle). but I know it's going to be swift.I was impressed when he started talking to me, asking about my family, brothers, school, as he quietly injected it into me. I felt it, it wasn't pain. But after all I wasn't afraid of the pain but rather the thought and sight of it. I didn't shiver. Not at all. And before I knew it I was over and done with Station One.
And again, I was totally impressed by how friendly and amiable. And how they manage to coax a needle phobic into a painless experience. Again, in my fit of excitement (that station one is finally over), I ticked Highly Satisfied in the survey form.
Nothing else was really significant though some were interesting. Chest X-rays felt uncomfortable. Leaning your chest against a plastic machine that felt cold and unfriendly doesn't really seem too much like a good experience. There weren't private part inspection (which I was expecting). Audio tests were funny. There was this room where you played a game with the examiner. He played sounds from the right and left and you raise your hand accordingly. It really felt spastic, but I enjoyed that quick 10-20 seconds. The dentist was amazed at the amount of food particles between my braces. He was muttering weird dentistry lingo though.
I didn't like Station 6 where the whole room was filled with half naked males. There was a weird test which they plugged stuff onto your limbs and placed stuff on your chest (sorry, I fail to find the correct words to express this station). It was this ECP thing (I forgot the abbreviation, so forgive me) and it certainly felt quite spectacular cause they printed this entire page of minute graphs which looked soooo impressive. I wonder what were they measuring for anyway!
Finally I was led into a room where they asked to see your private parts. It was just a brief split second thing so I'm assuming they're confirming your gender. (which was ROFL!). Then they asked for medical history and then finally I realized they were going to give the verdict. End up, I got Pes A combat fit, which I guess was expected since I do not really have much medical problems, history or whatsoever. I don't even know what to expect. is this good? and why do I hear that so many people want to downgrade.
The whole thing ended swiftly. The entire medical checkup spanned 1 hour at most but what followed was a torturing computer test which was probably supposed to induce insanity in one. It was probably your "farewell gift". There were a myriad of questions. Or rather, sets of questions, each set came in boxes of 30-40 questions (but could be lesser on some weirder ones), and a time limit is set to about 15 minutes for each set. They had arithmetic problems, and a majority was PRIMARY SCHOOL math questions. They had rough paper and no calculator was allowed.
Though the pen-and-paper way to calculate stuff can be considered as effortless, it required an uphill effort for my right arm which was rather numb from the blood test. There was some evident pain as I wrote whenever I tried to scribble above a certain speed. I detested writing but I figured mental sums is going to be way too taxing for the entire 2 hour insanity test.
The tests were hilarious. There was a short term memory test where they asked you to memorize up to ten digits which was flashed in less than a second and recall it after a short interval of 2-3 seconds. The harder levels were tough. I hated visualization questions where imaging how stuff rotates was the foundation of the questions. I probably misread the instructions and guessed all 20 questions. Some were about reflexes, they flash numbers and see how fast you can spam them on your keyboard. There were English questions which test your relationship of definitions, which I probably got full marks for. The algebra questions was good and it makes me wonder if I am ever going to be enlisted into a bunk with people who doesn't know how to do such simple stuff at 18 years of age.
Some were plain stupid, while a majority were an insult to my intelligence. I'm sure the rest would agree with me, though there were some difficult questions, but I guess ultimately it doesn't matter. I don't even know what's the entire 2 hour test for. Is it going to have a big impact on us?
I left the place, feeling very fatigued. Now that I'm at home. I feel unmotivated to do anything.
Everything is temporal after all, isn't it. A few temporary moments make a bigger temporary moment and as time tends towards infinity do we still get a temporal moment?
Irritation
So tomorrow I'm going for the medical checkup. So not looking forward to it, especially blood test. I didn't study for it. I want to blog about today's skit, and overall but I'm too fatigue. In fact, I'm on the verge of fainting. I feel crushed now, I wonder why, maybe it's the fatigue. I don't know why either. There's this sense of lack of direction. Nothing to look forward to. after all, my maiden voyage begins today (it's past 12). And A levels is my destination. I cannot afford to bother about useless matters.
I have a bad feeling about tomorrow. I don't know why. I feel horrible now, I don't like blood test!
I have a bad feeling about tomorrow. I don't know why. I feel horrible now, I don't like blood test!
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Thoughts
Maybe after all the reason for the arcane urge to retreat
Is probably cause I don't like who I am right now,
the need to reset and begin it all again.
I can't believe I should have realized it.
Each time I reset, I become different.
I was hoping the next me would be a better one.
I'm like so looking forward to tennis tonight. I'm going to just die in the skit. Augh!
Is probably cause I don't like who I am right now,
the need to reset and begin it all again.
I can't believe I should have realized it.
Each time I reset, I become different.
I was hoping the next me would be a better one.
I'm like so looking forward to tennis tonight. I'm going to just die in the skit. Augh!
Circumstances
I wonder if I can blog in proper paragraphs tonight, because some part of me tells me that I will not be able to do so. I'm feeling hazy, a slight sense of happiness though it's more of pseudo happiness. Yet, also an acute vexing sensation. I don't know, really.
Sometimes, the wavering confidence in me can generate enough pressure to suffocate. I mean, it's so not me to be pressurized but, I am human and I do feel pressure. Though usually I try to act as if I am not. Well. I would say my results are really worst then horrible and it makes me think about a lot of stuff, like how will I be able to pull through. Self-reflection works wonders even without a mirror you get to see all the nasty sides at weird angles which you would have never thought about. I know there are a significant number of people in the same boat as me, or close, but is relying on that kind of comfort as a pillar of strength necessarily good. Granted, it keeps the emo-ness away, but again, some part of me is telling me that is so wrong. There is a morbid guilt in me which is so disturbing. Somehow, I feel like I should be studying.
Will it really work out? I mean, like snap my fingers and immediately enter the "zone", whereby the zone is an area of concentrated and intense, fervent enthusiasm for academics. Perhaps, fear WILL be a catalyst. For once, I am feeling slightly intimidated, and some part of me refuses to accept it. Where has all that confidence go to? I always like to ask myself. I really have to seriously reflect and seriously do something about it.
These days that pass by seems void of direction. I've abruptly let go of music. I've decided not to play anymore than my examination pieces, practice not more than 30 minutes a day. I've decided that if I am not going to go full force, I ain't going to do much. Will I able to let go of it entirely. I am still listening to my precious collections of music from Chopin to Liszt to Bach and that is certainly really a big temptation. I'm still playing my etude on breaks in school just so I don't forget all that I've learn. it's hard, really. But I think I'm carrying too much load.
I've told myself to recover a little from the mid year mishap. Play hard till a certain deadline. And then start sprinting towards the prelims. I don't want to die so badly again. I have to remember, I'm an avenger right now. And revenge should be my priority. I've started to gradually let go of piano over the last few days. But the days seem totally empty without it. I can laze in bed, for many hours. I really have nothing left. Sadly, this feeling seems familiar enough for me to relate to it again.
I was talking to Jlam. It seems we both agree that we don't feel like nubcakes in our subjects. I understand, in fact, more than understand. I more or less probably know what's going on in every chapter. But the problem is, only briefly. I've been more prepared for this exam rather common test OR promos, where I did better at. I wonder what went wrong this time.
After all, I might be far off from being the sleeping genius who scores and pays attention better when his asleep.
So many things going through my mind now, a lot of other stuff. Tomorrow, the skit, some people, stuff, and stuff, and more stuff. And things I want to do, things which I want to do badly, things which I do not want to do, things which I have no choice but to oblige to. I want to get organized but I have to admit I don't like to get organized because I detest the feeling of being neat.
And yes, I finally have to humbly admit that I think I do have to study after all.
Sometimes, the wavering confidence in me can generate enough pressure to suffocate. I mean, it's so not me to be pressurized but, I am human and I do feel pressure. Though usually I try to act as if I am not. Well. I would say my results are really worst then horrible and it makes me think about a lot of stuff, like how will I be able to pull through. Self-reflection works wonders even without a mirror you get to see all the nasty sides at weird angles which you would have never thought about. I know there are a significant number of people in the same boat as me, or close, but is relying on that kind of comfort as a pillar of strength necessarily good. Granted, it keeps the emo-ness away, but again, some part of me is telling me that is so wrong. There is a morbid guilt in me which is so disturbing. Somehow, I feel like I should be studying.
Will it really work out? I mean, like snap my fingers and immediately enter the "zone", whereby the zone is an area of concentrated and intense, fervent enthusiasm for academics. Perhaps, fear WILL be a catalyst. For once, I am feeling slightly intimidated, and some part of me refuses to accept it. Where has all that confidence go to? I always like to ask myself. I really have to seriously reflect and seriously do something about it.
These days that pass by seems void of direction. I've abruptly let go of music. I've decided not to play anymore than my examination pieces, practice not more than 30 minutes a day. I've decided that if I am not going to go full force, I ain't going to do much. Will I able to let go of it entirely. I am still listening to my precious collections of music from Chopin to Liszt to Bach and that is certainly really a big temptation. I'm still playing my etude on breaks in school just so I don't forget all that I've learn. it's hard, really. But I think I'm carrying too much load.
I've told myself to recover a little from the mid year mishap. Play hard till a certain deadline. And then start sprinting towards the prelims. I don't want to die so badly again. I have to remember, I'm an avenger right now. And revenge should be my priority. I've started to gradually let go of piano over the last few days. But the days seem totally empty without it. I can laze in bed, for many hours. I really have nothing left. Sadly, this feeling seems familiar enough for me to relate to it again.
I was talking to Jlam. It seems we both agree that we don't feel like nubcakes in our subjects. I understand, in fact, more than understand. I more or less probably know what's going on in every chapter. But the problem is, only briefly. I've been more prepared for this exam rather common test OR promos, where I did better at. I wonder what went wrong this time.
After all, I might be far off from being the sleeping genius who scores and pays attention better when his asleep.
So many things going through my mind now, a lot of other stuff. Tomorrow, the skit, some people, stuff, and stuff, and more stuff. And things I want to do, things which I want to do badly, things which I do not want to do, things which I have no choice but to oblige to. I want to get organized but I have to admit I don't like to get organized because I detest the feeling of being neat.
And yes, I finally have to humbly admit that I think I do have to study after all.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Magneton
I am glad to finally announce that I have collected my O'level cert this afternoon which was unfortunately, due for almost two years. It goes like this, my mum received this NS letter stating that you would have to bring all relevant certificates to prove your current education level to the medical checkup. I am clueless about wherever that came from, and I was highly skeptical of the relevance of one's education and the medical checkup, which was well, no link. But being lazy to rebuke (and ironically), I decided it was time to get that cert, which was well, two years due.
I never liked walking into the gates of Bpghs. The thought of it sickens me. There's absolutely nothing wrong with the school, just a minatory aura, and somehow it displeases me. I walked into the games as soon was I was dismissed. Walking into another school in another school uniform attracts stares of unfamiliarity. Well, PJC with respect to BP isn't really that much of an unfamiliarity. It's just me, I'd like to think. So I checked into the guard house. And unfortunately it seems like a surfeit of students are being dismissed and they are all marching in glee out of the school gates. I made my way to the general office, which took me a while to find (I'm not used to the new campus, and I've only been there, say thrice). On the way, the journey was horrible one. Unpleasant, and awkward.
I saw Mr Ng my lower secondary Math teacher who had the habit of pronouncing calculator as CARRR-culator. I could still remember that quite distinctly. I wonder if he could still recognize me. I wanted to move forward and greet him, but the thought was appalling. After all, I was a problematic student, both to the eyes of ordinary teachers and especially the discipline committee. I decided not to do anything, and continue in my designated path. I saw some juniors whom said hi to me, probably they did not know how I was known as being hated by all the teachers. It was refreshing, to a certain extent.
In the general office, I saw familiar faces, who were nonchalent towards my sudden abrupt existence. I apologetically asked for my O level certificate from the office lady. I was feeling guilty because of my indolent character which induces procrastination which as a result has caused the collection of my O'level cert to be postponed to two years later (which is today).The office had to keep it (and not like they threatened-burning it) She sighed and gave me something to sign. And on the other end of the office, I saw my ex-literature teacher. He came, and with his mordant wit he spoke to me. " Doing O'level as private candidate? or school?" or at least that was the impression I received, as if trying to put it as though I had failed O'levels.
As I signed I saw the names of my ex classmates. I sighed. the date of collection was somewhere in 07 at most. Early 0'7. I wonder how the heck did I even not collect such a document. Upon noticing my uniform, he (my ex-literature teacher) remarked a "well done" which was so unconvincing. And then started adding on how terrible my English was. I just kept my head low, and signed. Upon receiving my cert, I left swiftly. Hopefully in stealth.
While I was walking home, I played around with the cert. I pondered upon why going back to Bp was such an unpleasant experience. The teachers hate me, I hate them.Back then, I was scoffed at, despised, more often than not labeled in a nasty manner. It's a part of the past that cannot change. I don't regret, but I just don't like the entire feeling of Bp, as well, as anything that has to do with Bp. It was perhaps, an extremely good school, with with heavy politics in the teacher's office, teachers who confiscate for personal gain, hordes of elitist-wannabe students, and best of all, a tiger mascot to go along with all that package. Please do not take umbrage against what I've said. After all this is coming from someone who probably has most retarded secondary school life experience ever. I flicked the cert, I tossed it around, used it as a fan. Just an ordinary piece of paper marked with "Ordinary Level" and simple words and alphabets that tries to make sense. As I stare at my myriad of A2s and B3s, I cannot help it but feel I can do better. But people would shoot me for being ungrateful. After all, I'm just a slacker who studied for two weeks. I cannot expect more.
A mistake? I would say it's part of me growing up. Perhaps next time PJC to me would like how BP is to me now. I don't care even if it turns out that way. After all, I don't work well with systems.
I know my writing style seems very "off" today. That's perhaps, because of the plutonian adventure I had this afternoon. Wow.
I never liked walking into the gates of Bpghs. The thought of it sickens me. There's absolutely nothing wrong with the school, just a minatory aura, and somehow it displeases me. I walked into the games as soon was I was dismissed. Walking into another school in another school uniform attracts stares of unfamiliarity. Well, PJC with respect to BP isn't really that much of an unfamiliarity. It's just me, I'd like to think. So I checked into the guard house. And unfortunately it seems like a surfeit of students are being dismissed and they are all marching in glee out of the school gates. I made my way to the general office, which took me a while to find (I'm not used to the new campus, and I've only been there, say thrice). On the way, the journey was horrible one. Unpleasant, and awkward.
I saw Mr Ng my lower secondary Math teacher who had the habit of pronouncing calculator as CARRR-culator. I could still remember that quite distinctly. I wonder if he could still recognize me. I wanted to move forward and greet him, but the thought was appalling. After all, I was a problematic student, both to the eyes of ordinary teachers and especially the discipline committee. I decided not to do anything, and continue in my designated path. I saw some juniors whom said hi to me, probably they did not know how I was known as being hated by all the teachers. It was refreshing, to a certain extent.
In the general office, I saw familiar faces, who were nonchalent towards my sudden abrupt existence. I apologetically asked for my O level certificate from the office lady. I was feeling guilty because of my indolent character which induces procrastination which as a result has caused the collection of my O'level cert to be postponed to two years later (which is today).The office had to keep it (and not like they threatened-burning it) She sighed and gave me something to sign. And on the other end of the office, I saw my ex-literature teacher. He came, and with his mordant wit he spoke to me. " Doing O'level as private candidate? or school?" or at least that was the impression I received, as if trying to put it as though I had failed O'levels.
As I signed I saw the names of my ex classmates. I sighed. the date of collection was somewhere in 07 at most. Early 0'7. I wonder how the heck did I even not collect such a document. Upon noticing my uniform, he (my ex-literature teacher) remarked a "well done" which was so unconvincing. And then started adding on how terrible my English was. I just kept my head low, and signed. Upon receiving my cert, I left swiftly. Hopefully in stealth.
While I was walking home, I played around with the cert. I pondered upon why going back to Bp was such an unpleasant experience. The teachers hate me, I hate them.Back then, I was scoffed at, despised, more often than not labeled in a nasty manner. It's a part of the past that cannot change. I don't regret, but I just don't like the entire feeling of Bp, as well, as anything that has to do with Bp. It was perhaps, an extremely good school, with with heavy politics in the teacher's office, teachers who confiscate for personal gain, hordes of elitist-wannabe students, and best of all, a tiger mascot to go along with all that package. Please do not take umbrage against what I've said. After all this is coming from someone who probably has most retarded secondary school life experience ever. I flicked the cert, I tossed it around, used it as a fan. Just an ordinary piece of paper marked with "Ordinary Level" and simple words and alphabets that tries to make sense. As I stare at my myriad of A2s and B3s, I cannot help it but feel I can do better. But people would shoot me for being ungrateful. After all, I'm just a slacker who studied for two weeks. I cannot expect more.
A mistake? I would say it's part of me growing up. Perhaps next time PJC to me would like how BP is to me now. I don't care even if it turns out that way. After all, I don't work well with systems.
I know my writing style seems very "off" today. That's perhaps, because of the plutonian adventure I had this afternoon. Wow.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
The curse of the Horseshoe Magnet
After all my grades might be a u-tube after all. Now now, what went wrong? This is deserving punishment for slacking the entire half year in school, having done zero tutorials On average, I don't go to school once every week. Which translates to about 80% of the time I'm in school. And I attend 50% of all lectures. And if I attend a lecture, there is 90% chance I sleep in it. Thus, the chance of even getting anything in my head is a miserable, 4%. Which can translate into "I learn 4% of what a normal person does."
I tried to catch up this holiday. Well, one whole month seemed very sufficient, and I was so full of myself. (I didn't realize effectively I had only 3 days/subject minus slacking time) Don't study and pass everything, that was my motto. But it seems it's possible if I actually did my tutorials. Now it's mid years, several more months is finally A'levels, and I find myself inadequately equipped. Sadly, I am not the sort who will break down, neither will I crumble to pressure. I just get back up, smiling. Of course, that's reserved for after I get straight A's in A levels. Let's just say, I finally realized there's perhaps no shortcut. I spent one and a half year thinking and devising a way to get around the system without studying much. My conclusion is, you can pass, but not score if you do the bare minimum. I think it's time to take my effort-proportionality to greater heights and prove I can hit the seemingly lofty peak.
Then to make matters worst (or better?), they had a horde of alumni talk to us during assembly. It was this casual talk where one alumni speaks to one class in a "question and answer" fashion. Intimidatingly, some are studying Law, some are doing medicine and they're all alumni of PJC. I would not be surprised by the woah-fication when their faculties were announced during the introduction. Some conversations were casual, while some were more informative, enlightening. It makes me wonder, what do I want to be?
I think the first thing that comes to my mind is to be doing something I enjoy. If it's not something I enjoy, then it has to pay well so I can retire and start my own business as soon as possible. Possibly, I want to be rich. But being rich is so not easy.
I think I should spent this remaining week for self reflection. The cause of the curse of the horseshoe magnet is a self-inflicted one, no one to blame. I feel jaded. Perhaps right now, I am carrying too much of a load. 4 hours of piano practice is something that has to give way. And if I'm not going to pursue something whole heartedly I rather not do it. Something has to go. I'm going to put it down. Officially, TY stops his Mission Etude Endeavor now. At this point of time Mugging is virtually impossible. I'm just quite fatigued. There's the Skit on Sunday and Saturday will be entirely devoted to rehearsals. That's it, my maiden voyage begins after the skit.
Just like how the dota-ers would say, time to go neutral creeping. After all, I'm severely under leveled.
I tried to catch up this holiday. Well, one whole month seemed very sufficient, and I was so full of myself. (I didn't realize effectively I had only 3 days/subject minus slacking time) Don't study and pass everything, that was my motto. But it seems it's possible if I actually did my tutorials. Now it's mid years, several more months is finally A'levels, and I find myself inadequately equipped. Sadly, I am not the sort who will break down, neither will I crumble to pressure. I just get back up, smiling. Of course, that's reserved for after I get straight A's in A levels. Let's just say, I finally realized there's perhaps no shortcut. I spent one and a half year thinking and devising a way to get around the system without studying much. My conclusion is, you can pass, but not score if you do the bare minimum. I think it's time to take my effort-proportionality to greater heights and prove I can hit the seemingly lofty peak.
Then to make matters worst (or better?), they had a horde of alumni talk to us during assembly. It was this casual talk where one alumni speaks to one class in a "question and answer" fashion. Intimidatingly, some are studying Law, some are doing medicine and they're all alumni of PJC. I would not be surprised by the woah-fication when their faculties were announced during the introduction. Some conversations were casual, while some were more informative, enlightening. It makes me wonder, what do I want to be?
I think the first thing that comes to my mind is to be doing something I enjoy. If it's not something I enjoy, then it has to pay well so I can retire and start my own business as soon as possible. Possibly, I want to be rich. But being rich is so not easy.
I think I should spent this remaining week for self reflection. The cause of the curse of the horseshoe magnet is a self-inflicted one, no one to blame. I feel jaded. Perhaps right now, I am carrying too much of a load. 4 hours of piano practice is something that has to give way. And if I'm not going to pursue something whole heartedly I rather not do it. Something has to go. I'm going to put it down. Officially, TY stops his Mission Etude Endeavor now. At this point of time Mugging is virtually impossible. I'm just quite fatigued. There's the Skit on Sunday and Saturday will be entirely devoted to rehearsals. That's it, my maiden voyage begins after the skit.
Just like how the dota-ers would say, time to go neutral creeping. After all, I'm severely under leveled.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Cold
My fiery throat has officially downgraded to a cold. My nose is leaking! Oh well. Just came back from Skit Rehearsal. I realized acting is so not easy, have to memorize lines by Saturday. Oh well...
I find myself unable to find motivation in anything. Today I sat down and practiced Chopin Ballade. I can't get enough motivation to last more than an hour. Seriously, when the fatigue of memorizing got the better of me, I just give up. Where was my relentless determination? After all, I got to go back to school tomorrow and there is where examination results will freak us out (I had better brace myself for it). There's no inspiration, motivation or whatsoever.
I find myself listening more to other instruments. Cello Suite No 1 by Bach and Schubert's Ave Maria are very nice pieces, also. Paganini 24 Caprices just simply owns. Somehow I don't know why but even Paganini Variations on the piano doesn't seem to give the 'Paganini feeling".
I feel moderately fine now. I just hope the sore throat doesn't haunt me while I'm asleep. After all, I think I'm going to school tomorrow.
I find myself unable to find motivation in anything. Today I sat down and practiced Chopin Ballade. I can't get enough motivation to last more than an hour. Seriously, when the fatigue of memorizing got the better of me, I just give up. Where was my relentless determination? After all, I got to go back to school tomorrow and there is where examination results will freak us out (I had better brace myself for it). There's no inspiration, motivation or whatsoever.
I find myself listening more to other instruments. Cello Suite No 1 by Bach and Schubert's Ave Maria are very nice pieces, also. Paganini 24 Caprices just simply owns. Somehow I don't know why but even Paganini Variations on the piano doesn't seem to give the 'Paganini feeling".
I feel moderately fine now. I just hope the sore throat doesn't haunt me while I'm asleep. After all, I think I'm going to school tomorrow.
Inflamed throat
It's not surprising why I'm sick now. Over the past few days, the paucity of rest coupled with the influx of unhealthy food probably formed the foundation factor of how did it happen. As a triggering factor, I played tennis in the rain yesterday. Sadly, I am a person that falls sick upon contact with rain, regardless of whether it was a shower, or a storm. Either way, the magnitude of the rain solely affects the probability of falling ill.
It might sound like a good excuse, a neatly crafted subterfuge. After all, I was on holidays from Wednesday from Monday and probably it might seem like I don't want this consecutive spree to come to an end. Seriously, I would gladly not to go school, even if I must endure the hardships of having a severely inflamed throat.
Either way, my condition when I went to bed was perfect. I had no signs of a sore throat, neither did I have muscle cramps or whatever tell-tale signs of a cold coming up. I slept, slept, and abruptly I awoke at about 0200 hrs in cold sweat. My throat was burning, I felt impaled at my throat constantly, and the phlegm did work well with that sore lump in my throat. Each time there is influx of phlegm, I shivered in pain. Such a horrible night. My stomach was feeling weak, I wonder why, as if there was an excess of air in it. It was a bloated sensation and my limps went weak. Though I was certain I had no fever, my throat was a deterrence to proper rest.
I decided not go to school when I woke up with an augmented pain in my throat. I add some medicine, and doused my throat with a plethora of water. Nothing did help much, I slept in again. I was abed till 1100 hrs where I finally decided that rest was not going to heal the wound in my throat. It is after all, condign punishment for someone who could not say no to tennis when it was quite evidently raining. A consequence of sleeping late, having not enough rest.
Right now, I only occasionally get buffeted by pulses of pain from my throat. Not that I like it, but somehow it feels like it's all worth it. And yes, just not to go to school! not that I dislike to go to school, but what can beat another day of rest! Somehow, my mood is cheerful and jovial.
Should I be feeling guilty or something? Or am I just being optimistic in every single unfavorable situation.
It might sound like a good excuse, a neatly crafted subterfuge. After all, I was on holidays from Wednesday from Monday and probably it might seem like I don't want this consecutive spree to come to an end. Seriously, I would gladly not to go school, even if I must endure the hardships of having a severely inflamed throat.
Either way, my condition when I went to bed was perfect. I had no signs of a sore throat, neither did I have muscle cramps or whatever tell-tale signs of a cold coming up. I slept, slept, and abruptly I awoke at about 0200 hrs in cold sweat. My throat was burning, I felt impaled at my throat constantly, and the phlegm did work well with that sore lump in my throat. Each time there is influx of phlegm, I shivered in pain. Such a horrible night. My stomach was feeling weak, I wonder why, as if there was an excess of air in it. It was a bloated sensation and my limps went weak. Though I was certain I had no fever, my throat was a deterrence to proper rest.
I decided not go to school when I woke up with an augmented pain in my throat. I add some medicine, and doused my throat with a plethora of water. Nothing did help much, I slept in again. I was abed till 1100 hrs where I finally decided that rest was not going to heal the wound in my throat. It is after all, condign punishment for someone who could not say no to tennis when it was quite evidently raining. A consequence of sleeping late, having not enough rest.
Right now, I only occasionally get buffeted by pulses of pain from my throat. Not that I like it, but somehow it feels like it's all worth it. And yes, just not to go to school! not that I dislike to go to school, but what can beat another day of rest! Somehow, my mood is cheerful and jovial.
Should I be feeling guilty or something? Or am I just being optimistic in every single unfavorable situation.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Another post!
For once. I am replying to tags! (if you're dropping by, please do tag, remember, lurking is unethical! ) And just updated wish list and links
Michelle : hello.
Benita : Yeps, I know I know.
Zhen Qin : Haha I also know you're blogging ( PUN from your blog url ). Good that you start a blog. Don't leave it to rot ok
Samantha : LOL okay. I paint gold I write one dollar I paint silver I put 50 cents okay?
Shantelle : I said All the best, not good luck. There is a difference.
//end tags
Well. Today is Jun Wei's Birthday). Happy Birthday!! And thanks for being there for me when I needed it. Thanks for much for last year when I was going through all that stuff.
I feel quite bad about yesterday because I was busy discussing the skit with Jonathan at the other room and I missed the cutting of the cake. I was being quite nonchalant and I regret that quite a bit. I was kinda distracted I guess.
I feel that the last few days have been rather hectic, and the fatigue caused me to sink into hebetude. The later half of Friday, the entire Saturday and Sunday seem to meld into one. It's Youth Sunday after all. I mean, waking up at 5am on Sunday and sleeping at 2am is definitely going is definitely going to take a toll on my health. But surprisingly, I was rather active on Sunday. At least I wasn't on the verge of fainting, my limbs did not die on me, thankfully.
Saturday night, bryan Ronald, tayye and I went to play tennis ( have I blogged about this before ). Ronald's real good. But that's not the highlight of the day. We cabbed from church to Dairy Farm estate which is my old house. And the cab driver was really hilarious. He was adept at his hokkien puns and jokes (mostly puns) which Bryan managed to play along and add on. It was really a priceless amusing experience. All cabbies should be like this dude, he was rather middle aged, but he was soooo crappy. My control of the hokkien language is unfortunately inadequate for scripting of whatever happened. but to all those reading this, sorry! I should have recorded it!!! His hokkien went on a rampage from casual puns to racist acerbic ones, and it was really really a jovial ride!
//start chronological sequence
Friday: Slack at home. 3pm, YF (rehearsal) till night time.
Saturday was one long day. Rehearsal in the morning, then followed by random slacking, then Jump and then Skit rehearsal, and then finally night tennis. I had to script out the lines for my character so I slept at around 0300hrs. and I woke up 0500 hrs the next morning for the actual Youth Sunday performance
Sunday : Singing the Youth Sunday thingy for three services, and then having lunch. Attending Jun Wei's barbecue. then playing tennis with Glen, Dominic and my brother.
Today : at 1200 hrs I set off with my brother. took bus to Lot 1 to buy balls and buy drinks. Took cab to diary farm and played tennis from 12:45 hrs to 2:45 hrs where it casually rained. The sky was pretty mean and it teased us with light showers that come at intervals of 15 minutes and each time lasting for about 05 minutes. The rain was bearable. And tennis with just my brother is more fun. I think it's more fun than doubles. We were quite evenly matched so that adds to the interesting factor of it. Eventually at 2:45 hours the skies roared and finally decided to pee on us, (not merely cry). it was a big shower with big droplets which buffeted us nonstop as we tried to get our umbrella out.
And now. I'm mentally wrecked.
I know this post is going to be confusing. Heck. I can't even find proper composure to blog calmly.
I'm tired. And forgive me since there bound to be a plethora of grammar mistakes.
Michelle : hello.
Benita : Yeps, I know I know.
Zhen Qin : Haha I also know you're blogging ( PUN from your blog url ). Good that you start a blog. Don't leave it to rot ok
Samantha : LOL okay. I paint gold I write one dollar I paint silver I put 50 cents okay?
Shantelle : I said All the best, not good luck. There is a difference.
//end tags
Well. Today is Jun Wei's Birthday). Happy Birthday!! And thanks for being there for me when I needed it. Thanks for much for last year when I was going through all that stuff.
I feel quite bad about yesterday because I was busy discussing the skit with Jonathan at the other room and I missed the cutting of the cake. I was being quite nonchalant and I regret that quite a bit. I was kinda distracted I guess.
I feel that the last few days have been rather hectic, and the fatigue caused me to sink into hebetude. The later half of Friday, the entire Saturday and Sunday seem to meld into one. It's Youth Sunday after all. I mean, waking up at 5am on Sunday and sleeping at 2am is definitely going is definitely going to take a toll on my health. But surprisingly, I was rather active on Sunday. At least I wasn't on the verge of fainting, my limbs did not die on me, thankfully.
Saturday night, bryan Ronald, tayye and I went to play tennis ( have I blogged about this before ). Ronald's real good. But that's not the highlight of the day. We cabbed from church to Dairy Farm estate which is my old house. And the cab driver was really hilarious. He was adept at his hokkien puns and jokes (mostly puns) which Bryan managed to play along and add on. It was really a priceless amusing experience. All cabbies should be like this dude, he was rather middle aged, but he was soooo crappy. My control of the hokkien language is unfortunately inadequate for scripting of whatever happened. but to all those reading this, sorry! I should have recorded it!!! His hokkien went on a rampage from casual puns to racist acerbic ones, and it was really really a jovial ride!
//start chronological sequence
Friday: Slack at home. 3pm, YF (rehearsal) till night time.
Saturday was one long day. Rehearsal in the morning, then followed by random slacking, then Jump and then Skit rehearsal, and then finally night tennis. I had to script out the lines for my character so I slept at around 0300hrs. and I woke up 0500 hrs the next morning for the actual Youth Sunday performance
Sunday : Singing the Youth Sunday thingy for three services, and then having lunch. Attending Jun Wei's barbecue. then playing tennis with Glen, Dominic and my brother.
Today : at 1200 hrs I set off with my brother. took bus to Lot 1 to buy balls and buy drinks. Took cab to diary farm and played tennis from 12:45 hrs to 2:45 hrs where it casually rained. The sky was pretty mean and it teased us with light showers that come at intervals of 15 minutes and each time lasting for about 05 minutes. The rain was bearable. And tennis with just my brother is more fun. I think it's more fun than doubles. We were quite evenly matched so that adds to the interesting factor of it. Eventually at 2:45 hours the skies roared and finally decided to pee on us, (not merely cry). it was a big shower with big droplets which buffeted us nonstop as we tried to get our umbrella out.
And now. I'm mentally wrecked.
I know this post is going to be confusing. Heck. I can't even find proper composure to blog calmly.
I'm tired. And forgive me since there bound to be a plethora of grammar mistakes.
Random
No one would ever tag me to do quizzes. I don't know why. Perhaps I'm unpopular. Perhaps, err they know they don't want to waste a tag cause they know I'll end up doing anyway.
01. What food did you just ate?
Bao
02. Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
No, cause it turns me off
03. What happened at 10.00am today?
Pre-awakening period.
04. When did you last cry?
Somewhere in the 1st week of June when chilli went into my eyes
05. What is your favourite thing to eat with peanut butter?
Edible stuff.
06. What do you want in your life right now?
I don't know if I mean it, perhaps some chaos.
07. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains, or just put up your hood?
I open my umbrella and hold it perpendicular to the ground.
08. What’s your favourite thing to have on your bed?
I have my stacks of school paper which restricts me from the original purpose of a bed.
09. What bottom are you wearing now?
boxers.
10. What’s the nicest text in your inbox say?
I don't have a sms 'nice-o-meter'
11. Do you tend to make a relationship complicated?
Sometimes it's nice?
12. Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
Nothing
13. What was the last movie you caught?
Narnia?
14. What are you proud of?
Nothing much
15. What does the oldest text message in your inbox say?
LOL it's the police message pertaining to MAS SELAMAT!
16. What was the last song you sang out loud?
Youth Sunday Song
17. What does your last received text message say?
My phone just jammed from reverse scrolling into the last message
(never mind if you don't get what it means)
18. What time did you go to bed last night?
Around 12.
19. Are you currently happy?
No! My break just ended
20. Who gives you best advice?
Actually everybody gives different kind of advices which are good in different ways.
And those who don't give good advice are good consolers.
21. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
No.
22. Who did you talk on phone last night?
No one.
23. Is anything bugging you right now?
Nothing much. I got mind insect repellents
24. What/who was the last thing/person to make you laugh?
More often than not, it's my own jokes.
25. Do you wear toe socks?
No
26. Who was the last person you missed a call from?
Like I said, my nub phone is still jammed
27. Have you ever had your heartbroken?
Yes. It's part and parcel of life, right?
28. What annoys you most in a person?
Obnoxious behavior
29. Do you have a crush on anyone?
Honestly, I think so.
30. Have you ever done cocaine?
No.
31. What is your religion?
None. I believe only in the truth.
32. What is the colour of your room?
White walls brown tiles.
33. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollar?
That sucks, it would be too tempting. But I doubt so.
34. Do you believe in the saying ‘talk is cheap’?
But I think it's at least worth some cents (or guts). As long as it's not abused
35. Who was the last person to lie in your bed?
Myself.
36. Who was the last person to hug you?
Someone from long long ago
37. Did anyone see the last person you kissed?
There is certainly weird phrasing in this question.
38. Do you have a life?
Yes. Definitely
39. Have you ever thought that someone died, when they really didn’t?
I tried to pretend someone died when she is obviously alive though.
40. What is the reason behind your profile song?
What?
41. Who was the last person you saw in your dream?
Mas Selamat-sama. (wtheck!)
42. Last time you smiled?
Unsure. Didn't check time
43. Have you changed this year?
Certainly
44. What are you listening right now?
Strangely. Pop
45. Are you talking to someone when you are doing this?
My multitasking ability is horrible
46. Do you walk with your eyes open or closed?
This feels like a philosophical question. Closed I would say.
47. Is there a quote you live by?
Study more learn less
48. Do you want someone you can’t have?
I don't even know yet.
49. Have you ever played an instrument?
Nope. I haven't mastered all 24 Chopin Etudes.
50. What was the worst idea you’ve had in the week?
Ideas can't be measured
51. What were you doing last night at 11.00pm?
Just arrived home, dripping wet from a bath.
52. Are you happy with your love life right now?
there's nothing much going on.
53. What song best describe your love life?
Definitely. it used to be Chopin Ballade no 1. Then Moonlight 3rd movement.
Now it's just some silence.
54. Does the person know that you like him/her?
The person=?
55. Who always make you laugh?
Myself.
56. Do you speak other language other than English?
None.
57. Favourite website?
Private
58. What your middle name?
What middle name?
59. What are you doing tomorrow?
You just had to remind me.
60. What do you think you are like?
Full of crap
61. Who will you choose to die with?
Alone, lonely, on a rocking chair.
62. Where have you been today?
tennis court, lot 1
63. What game do you play often?
Chopin etudes
64. Who are you missing right now?
No one really
65. If you’ve to choose between friends n love, who will you choose?
Definitely love.
66. What are you doing right now?
What do you think?
67. Which primary school are you from?
Pei Hwa Presbyterian Primary School
68. Name 3 colours that you like?
3 primary colours?
69. What emotion you like to show?
-.-
70. What is your life to you?
Something to be left undefined
71. Who did you last chat in msn today?
Michelle, from church
73. Who do you admire most?
Don't really know
74. Which month are you born in?
April
75. How are you feeling right now?
Very mixed
76. What is the time now?
1635 hrs
77. Where are you now?
My room
78. What colour did you use to dye hair?
None. and my hair is not dead!
79. Why are you doing this test?
Cause I'm bored
80. What do you do when you’re moody?
Sleep
81. At which age you wish to get married?
Depends on whether I can find the right person
82. Who is more important to you?
Where are the options?
83. Do you think you have enough confidence?
Certainly more than enough. Overflowing.
84. Who is the person you trust the most?
Myself
85. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after a rain?
Scientifically proven? When light shines through droplets of moisture. Due to the dispersion of light at a range of angles, it produces an arch like spectrum of colors. Is it something like that?
86. If you have a dream come true, what would it be?
I really don't know.
87. What is your goal for this year?
Stop being lazy. And it's halfway through the year, and if only I've made and kept this resolution from the start
88. Do you believe in eternity love?
Yes
89. What feeling do you love most?
I don't know.
90. Do you really think it's Global Warming now?
I don't feel the difference.
91. What feeling you hate the most?
Rejection
92. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
No. Not all are worth cherishing. And not all are worth the effort.
93. Do you believe in God?
It's not about believing, it's about knowing his there.
94. Who cares for you most?
My family, definitely.
95. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
God and church.
96. What will you bring when you fight?
Chopin Etudes
97. What have you done regretted doing in your whole life?
I don't regret at all, unfortunately.
98. What would you feel if no one no longer cares for you?
Nonchalant
99. If you have a choice, do you want to turn back time?
I can play Secret to go back anyway.
100. How long did you take to bathe?
Rapidly, 3 minutes
10 unlucky ones:anyone
01. What food did you just ate?
Bao
02. Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
No, cause it turns me off
03. What happened at 10.00am today?
Pre-awakening period.
04. When did you last cry?
Somewhere in the 1st week of June when chilli went into my eyes
05. What is your favourite thing to eat with peanut butter?
Edible stuff.
06. What do you want in your life right now?
I don't know if I mean it, perhaps some chaos.
07. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains, or just put up your hood?
I open my umbrella and hold it perpendicular to the ground.
08. What’s your favourite thing to have on your bed?
I have my stacks of school paper which restricts me from the original purpose of a bed.
09. What bottom are you wearing now?
boxers.
10. What’s the nicest text in your inbox say?
I don't have a sms 'nice-o-meter'
11. Do you tend to make a relationship complicated?
Sometimes it's nice?
12. Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
Nothing
13. What was the last movie you caught?
Narnia?
14. What are you proud of?
Nothing much
15. What does the oldest text message in your inbox say?
LOL it's the police message pertaining to MAS SELAMAT!
16. What was the last song you sang out loud?
Youth Sunday Song
17. What does your last received text message say?
My phone just jammed from reverse scrolling into the last message
(never mind if you don't get what it means)
18. What time did you go to bed last night?
Around 12.
19. Are you currently happy?
No! My break just ended
20. Who gives you best advice?
Actually everybody gives different kind of advices which are good in different ways.
And those who don't give good advice are good consolers.
21. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
No.
22. Who did you talk on phone last night?
No one.
23. Is anything bugging you right now?
Nothing much. I got mind insect repellents
24. What/who was the last thing/person to make you laugh?
More often than not, it's my own jokes.
25. Do you wear toe socks?
No
26. Who was the last person you missed a call from?
Like I said, my nub phone is still jammed
27. Have you ever had your heartbroken?
Yes. It's part and parcel of life, right?
28. What annoys you most in a person?
Obnoxious behavior
29. Do you have a crush on anyone?
Honestly, I think so.
30. Have you ever done cocaine?
No.
31. What is your religion?
None. I believe only in the truth.
32. What is the colour of your room?
White walls brown tiles.
33. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollar?
That sucks, it would be too tempting. But I doubt so.
34. Do you believe in the saying ‘talk is cheap’?
But I think it's at least worth some cents (or guts). As long as it's not abused
35. Who was the last person to lie in your bed?
Myself.
36. Who was the last person to hug you?
Someone from long long ago
37. Did anyone see the last person you kissed?
There is certainly weird phrasing in this question.
38. Do you have a life?
Yes. Definitely
39. Have you ever thought that someone died, when they really didn’t?
I tried to pretend someone died when she is obviously alive though.
40. What is the reason behind your profile song?
What?
41. Who was the last person you saw in your dream?
Mas Selamat-sama. (wtheck!)
42. Last time you smiled?
Unsure. Didn't check time
43. Have you changed this year?
Certainly
44. What are you listening right now?
Strangely. Pop
45. Are you talking to someone when you are doing this?
My multitasking ability is horrible
46. Do you walk with your eyes open or closed?
This feels like a philosophical question. Closed I would say.
47. Is there a quote you live by?
Study more learn less
48. Do you want someone you can’t have?
I don't even know yet.
49. Have you ever played an instrument?
Nope. I haven't mastered all 24 Chopin Etudes.
50. What was the worst idea you’ve had in the week?
Ideas can't be measured
51. What were you doing last night at 11.00pm?
Just arrived home, dripping wet from a bath.
52. Are you happy with your love life right now?
there's nothing much going on.
53. What song best describe your love life?
Definitely. it used to be Chopin Ballade no 1. Then Moonlight 3rd movement.
Now it's just some silence.
54. Does the person know that you like him/her?
The person=?
55. Who always make you laugh?
Myself.
56. Do you speak other language other than English?
None.
57. Favourite website?
Private
58. What your middle name?
What middle name?
59. What are you doing tomorrow?
You just had to remind me.
60. What do you think you are like?
Full of crap
61. Who will you choose to die with?
Alone, lonely, on a rocking chair.
62. Where have you been today?
tennis court, lot 1
63. What game do you play often?
Chopin etudes
64. Who are you missing right now?
No one really
65. If you’ve to choose between friends n love, who will you choose?
Definitely love.
66. What are you doing right now?
What do you think?
67. Which primary school are you from?
Pei Hwa Presbyterian Primary School
68. Name 3 colours that you like?
3 primary colours?
69. What emotion you like to show?
-.-
70. What is your life to you?
Something to be left undefined
71. Who did you last chat in msn today?
Michelle, from church
73. Who do you admire most?
Don't really know
74. Which month are you born in?
April
75. How are you feeling right now?
Very mixed
76. What is the time now?
1635 hrs
77. Where are you now?
My room
78. What colour did you use to dye hair?
None. and my hair is not dead!
79. Why are you doing this test?
Cause I'm bored
80. What do you do when you’re moody?
Sleep
81. At which age you wish to get married?
Depends on whether I can find the right person
82. Who is more important to you?
Where are the options?
83. Do you think you have enough confidence?
Certainly more than enough. Overflowing.
84. Who is the person you trust the most?
Myself
85. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after a rain?
Scientifically proven? When light shines through droplets of moisture. Due to the dispersion of light at a range of angles, it produces an arch like spectrum of colors. Is it something like that?
86. If you have a dream come true, what would it be?
I really don't know.
87. What is your goal for this year?
Stop being lazy. And it's halfway through the year, and if only I've made and kept this resolution from the start
88. Do you believe in eternity love?
Yes
89. What feeling do you love most?
I don't know.
90. Do you really think it's Global Warming now?
I don't feel the difference.
91. What feeling you hate the most?
Rejection
92. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
No. Not all are worth cherishing. And not all are worth the effort.
93. Do you believe in God?
It's not about believing, it's about knowing his there.
94. Who cares for you most?
My family, definitely.
95. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
God and church.
96. What will you bring when you fight?
Chopin Etudes
97. What have you done regretted doing in your whole life?
I don't regret at all, unfortunately.
98. What would you feel if no one no longer cares for you?
Nonchalant
99. If you have a choice, do you want to turn back time?
I can play Secret to go back anyway.
100. How long did you take to bathe?
Rapidly, 3 minutes
10 unlucky ones:anyone
I wonder...
Haven't blogged for sometime. These days been really tiring. I wonder.
I'm lazy to put these phrases in proper paragraphing. my usual writing style wouldn't come out. i tried blogging in prose but i didn't like it. so it's gonna be more or less point form.
I'm starting to feel emo for no reason.
Somethings just turn out the way you don't expect it to.
I didn't like it at first but now I'm totally relieved.
School's starting tomorrow.
Got a very crappy feeling about it. Results! X_x
Been playing tennis for the last 2 days,
really fun! going to play again later!
Very soon it's going to be weekends again! Endure!
Oh yes! Happy Youth Day!
I'm supposed to feel young!
And am I supposed to be rejuvenated by that?
Last night was one weird night.
Feels emo, so nonchalent, so surreal, so 'lack of direction'.
Feels as if something that was moving with such great momentum is put to stop.
Thankfully I was tired so I slept at first contact with my bed.
Yesterday I was feeling quite sian.
I dao-ed alot people I guess.
And then when people tried to talk to me I didn't really feel like talking
I had sufficient energy but something was lacking.
And then contradictorily, I played tennis at night which was like supposed to be make me more fatigued. And yes, I was.
Tennis is really fun! Finally I can let go badminton and play tennis at ease. It's all about letting go huh.
I don't wanna go to school tomorrow! But again, if tomorrow doesn't come, weekends won't come.
It feels weird liking someone whom you don't know much about.
I'm lazy to put these phrases in proper paragraphing. my usual writing style wouldn't come out. i tried blogging in prose but i didn't like it. so it's gonna be more or less point form.
I'm starting to feel emo for no reason.
Somethings just turn out the way you don't expect it to.
I didn't like it at first but now I'm totally relieved.
School's starting tomorrow.
Got a very crappy feeling about it. Results! X_x
Been playing tennis for the last 2 days,
really fun! going to play again later!
Very soon it's going to be weekends again! Endure!
Oh yes! Happy Youth Day!
I'm supposed to feel young!
And am I supposed to be rejuvenated by that?
Last night was one weird night.
Feels emo, so nonchalent, so surreal, so 'lack of direction'.
Feels as if something that was moving with such great momentum is put to stop.
Thankfully I was tired so I slept at first contact with my bed.
Yesterday I was feeling quite sian.
I dao-ed alot people I guess.
And then when people tried to talk to me I didn't really feel like talking
I had sufficient energy but something was lacking.
And then contradictorily, I played tennis at night which was like supposed to be make me more fatigued. And yes, I was.
Tennis is really fun! Finally I can let go badminton and play tennis at ease. It's all about letting go huh.
I don't wanna go to school tomorrow! But again, if tomorrow doesn't come, weekends won't come.
It feels weird liking someone whom you don't know much about.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Fragments
What a day. Been long time I've gotten such good rest. Holidays are certainly very enjoyable.
I still have four days more of such lifestyle. Slurps.
I've been watching this anime, "La Corda d'Oro" Spanish for the Golden String. It's a shoujo anime (reads mainly for female audiences), slightly reverse harem (a story which revolves around a female protagonist and many {good looking} male characters that eventually may/will fall in love with this main character). The plot is good, I suppose and the main reason why I'm watching it is for the music. It's music-orientated, in fact very. A story about a girl who is from the normal stream of a school with both a music and a general department (knows nothing about music), suddenly meets a fairy and given a magic violin. She is unwillingly shoved into the intra school music competition and pit against other outstanding music students in the academy. All of them, magically, are extremely good looking/cute young dashing men who are also coincidentally,virtuosos in their major instrument. A complex tale of music, romance (in fact, unbelievable to a certain extent). Sadly, the story is definitely written from a female point of view, in fact, a young girl's point of view. So much that it can get disturbing. You see every possible type of a cute guy in this series. From the pretty boy with long silky hair, extremely polite, to the messy hair forever sleeping bishounen genius (reads:super handsome) all to the way to the warm and friendly trumpeter. After several episodes, I could conclude that this series is so much for a girl. And tell you what, I'm just watching it because the piano major pulls fantasie impromptu off in the 2nd stage and is bound to pull off something bigger in the next few rounds. I still don't get why I'm amazed by it. On top of that, the instruments include Piano, Violins (the protagonist and another guy), Cello, Clarinet, Trumpet and flute. I get to listen to probably rather famous flute and cello pieces. YAY.
Other than that, I've not been doing much. I slept yesterday away, and the two hours after I woke up at about 2000hrs I fell asleep again at 2200 hrs all the way to 1000 hrs this morning. It doesn't amaze me why I'm not sleepy right now.
I went to buy a new pair of shoes with my dad just now and I realized my current one is so worn out (been wearing it for everything from school to casual to sports) for one whole year. No wonder the rubber base is already gone! Damn friction!
It's been some time since I had that " I'm not going to leave this seat until I finish blah blah blah" attitude. I want to go into that mode soon. Chopin Ballade no 1 in G minor is so beautiful! It's musically demanding, technically demanding (some really insane parts!). I'm going to play it right to show that the nicer pieces are generally hard pieces. My brother is already shooting me for playing impressive pieces that are not nice to listen to.
I still have four days more of such lifestyle. Slurps.
I've been watching this anime, "La Corda d'Oro" Spanish for the Golden String. It's a shoujo anime (reads mainly for female audiences), slightly reverse harem (a story which revolves around a female protagonist and many {good looking} male characters that eventually may/will fall in love with this main character). The plot is good, I suppose and the main reason why I'm watching it is for the music. It's music-orientated, in fact very. A story about a girl who is from the normal stream of a school with both a music and a general department (knows nothing about music), suddenly meets a fairy and given a magic violin. She is unwillingly shoved into the intra school music competition and pit against other outstanding music students in the academy. All of them, magically, are extremely good looking/cute young dashing men who are also coincidentally,virtuosos in their major instrument. A complex tale of music, romance (in fact, unbelievable to a certain extent). Sadly, the story is definitely written from a female point of view, in fact, a young girl's point of view. So much that it can get disturbing. You see every possible type of a cute guy in this series. From the pretty boy with long silky hair, extremely polite, to the messy hair forever sleeping bishounen genius (reads:super handsome) all to the way to the warm and friendly trumpeter. After several episodes, I could conclude that this series is so much for a girl. And tell you what, I'm just watching it because the piano major pulls fantasie impromptu off in the 2nd stage and is bound to pull off something bigger in the next few rounds. I still don't get why I'm amazed by it. On top of that, the instruments include Piano, Violins (the protagonist and another guy), Cello, Clarinet, Trumpet and flute. I get to listen to probably rather famous flute and cello pieces. YAY.
Other than that, I've not been doing much. I slept yesterday away, and the two hours after I woke up at about 2000hrs I fell asleep again at 2200 hrs all the way to 1000 hrs this morning. It doesn't amaze me why I'm not sleepy right now.
I went to buy a new pair of shoes with my dad just now and I realized my current one is so worn out (been wearing it for everything from school to casual to sports) for one whole year. No wonder the rubber base is already gone! Damn friction!
It's been some time since I had that " I'm not going to leave this seat until I finish blah blah blah" attitude. I want to go into that mode soon. Chopin Ballade no 1 in G minor is so beautiful! It's musically demanding, technically demanding (some really insane parts!). I'm going to play it right to show that the nicer pieces are generally hard pieces. My brother is already shooting me for playing impressive pieces that are not nice to listen to.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Over
Finally over. Let's start counting the amount of rest I can get. From today till next Monday! I'm elated. Though I really want to be hyper now, but all I can do is to drown in my fatigue. I'm super sleepy! The temperature in my room is really high, and that adds on to the drowsiness. I need to catch some sleep and perhaps I am going straight to bed after I type this post.
Seriously, I wouldn't deny that I got pretty badly slaughtered in majority of the papers. I think they seriously leveled the standard. Physics today was decent. Is it just me or paper 1 was actually harder than paper 2. Paper 2 somewhat was comforting, I don't why but I feel an arcane sense of tranquility while doing it. Time, again, was another crushing factor. It seems as though in this examination, time has become a formidable enemy to many people. I find even myself sometimes guilty of trying to keep pace with time. Has it always been like this? Most evident in chemistry and physics paper 3, I wonder what happened to the days where I usually finish my papers 1 hour earlier than the designated ending time.
After all, mid years is probably just a chance to study for A'levels. So even if one does badly, one still benefits and thus the resultant benefit is still a positive one. I still remember how Sec 4 Mid years was over 40 points. Man, those were the days!
The end of it probably gave impetus to the will to go merry and play. However, fatigue is overwhelming, and the thought of results is certainly appalling. Yucks.I probably am, after all going to bed soon. There's a lot of things I want to do but unfortunately I have no energy. Staying awake is such an arduous task for me right now.
I'm gaining more control. Wee~
Seriously, I wouldn't deny that I got pretty badly slaughtered in majority of the papers. I think they seriously leveled the standard. Physics today was decent. Is it just me or paper 1 was actually harder than paper 2. Paper 2 somewhat was comforting, I don't why but I feel an arcane sense of tranquility while doing it. Time, again, was another crushing factor. It seems as though in this examination, time has become a formidable enemy to many people. I find even myself sometimes guilty of trying to keep pace with time. Has it always been like this? Most evident in chemistry and physics paper 3, I wonder what happened to the days where I usually finish my papers 1 hour earlier than the designated ending time.
After all, mid years is probably just a chance to study for A'levels. So even if one does badly, one still benefits and thus the resultant benefit is still a positive one. I still remember how Sec 4 Mid years was over 40 points. Man, those were the days!
The end of it probably gave impetus to the will to go merry and play. However, fatigue is overwhelming, and the thought of results is certainly appalling. Yucks.I probably am, after all going to bed soon. There's a lot of things I want to do but unfortunately I have no energy. Staying awake is such an arduous task for me right now.
I'm gaining more control. Wee~
Moody
Oh wow.I started reading physics at 2315 hrs. Barely read through about 2 chapters but random stuff like formulas. I really dislike electricity but some part of me tells me that electric field is like so sure to come out. I'm just too lazy to do anything right now. The seemingly protean formulas, derivations and crap is making me feel so lethargic. I just drank coffee, so it's should be energizing me in 10 minutes to 15 minutes time.
I spent my afternoon rotting away. I didn't do much, I was already suffering from a very post-exam mood. My eyes are blinking at a very high frequency right now, it's telling me to sleep. I would, but I can afford to stay up late tonight. After all, I get to sleep all afternoon tomorrow. However, sometimes it demoralizes me to think that whatever that I may be studying now will be nugatory tomorrow. Right now, I just have to bear with these soporific notes.
I just had this uncontrollable urge to shut the book and just blog. Then I'll probably slack awhile, wait for coffee to take full effect then read a few more chapters. What? You might say, you haven't learn your lesson Ty, reading physics equals to a fail. Yes! I know, but do I look like I have any other choice except to mug up formulas and hope that I know how to use them tomorrow. Of course, I am neutral towards the paper tomorrow. I think I can do decent unless a surfeit of inscrutable questions appear.
Tomorrow is going to be a good day man!
I'm feeling quite moody now. I was accused of being ignoramus just moments ago.I may be someone who is deflecting into huge anomaly, but who cares. I like challenges, so what? Are you going to condemn me just because I'm improving at a rate you can't catch? I just hate it when people tell me I can't do something. The more people tell me I can't, the more I am going to do it. Is this part of the rebellious me? Perhaps I think too highly of myself, or wait not. I think there's a thin line between willing to accept challenges, expecting too much from yourself AND thinking highly of yourself. There's a difference so get that clear. After all, his just another bromide. (no pun intended). Don't say I'm not there yet, because if I really am not there, you will be surprised how fast I can get there.
Can't wait for tomorrow. Jlam's going to hand me something so sacred that I am feeling quite desperate for it now.
PS: not drugs
Oh yes, why potassium, nickel and Iron combined can kill?
Ans: because they're sharp. K-Ni-Fe (don't get it? check your periodic table).
I spent my afternoon rotting away. I didn't do much, I was already suffering from a very post-exam mood. My eyes are blinking at a very high frequency right now, it's telling me to sleep. I would, but I can afford to stay up late tonight. After all, I get to sleep all afternoon tomorrow. However, sometimes it demoralizes me to think that whatever that I may be studying now will be nugatory tomorrow. Right now, I just have to bear with these soporific notes.
I just had this uncontrollable urge to shut the book and just blog. Then I'll probably slack awhile, wait for coffee to take full effect then read a few more chapters. What? You might say, you haven't learn your lesson Ty, reading physics equals to a fail. Yes! I know, but do I look like I have any other choice except to mug up formulas and hope that I know how to use them tomorrow. Of course, I am neutral towards the paper tomorrow. I think I can do decent unless a surfeit of inscrutable questions appear.
Tomorrow is going to be a good day man!
I'm feeling quite moody now. I was accused of being ignoramus just moments ago.I may be someone who is deflecting into huge anomaly, but who cares. I like challenges, so what? Are you going to condemn me just because I'm improving at a rate you can't catch? I just hate it when people tell me I can't do something. The more people tell me I can't, the more I am going to do it. Is this part of the rebellious me? Perhaps I think too highly of myself, or wait not. I think there's a thin line between willing to accept challenges, expecting too much from yourself AND thinking highly of yourself. There's a difference so get that clear. After all, his just another bromide. (no pun intended). Don't say I'm not there yet, because if I really am not there, you will be surprised how fast I can get there.
Can't wait for tomorrow. Jlam's going to hand me something so sacred that I am feeling quite desperate for it now.
PS: not drugs
Oh yes, why potassium, nickel and Iron combined can kill?
Ans: because they're sharp. K-Ni-Fe (don't get it? check your periodic table).
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Nice!
Nice! Math was not a drowning sensation. It was like being skinned alive.
So basically the paper went like this. I looked at the first question, and then I get stunned. Then on to the second, and it was some maclaurin series. Oh wait, it actually looked like binomial theorem to me. So I went on this viscous never ending spree of "don't know-skip". Then I turned to the next page. Woah! Vectors and complex numbers and it was my favourite-argand diagrams!! Before I could rejoice, I realized I could only do 2 marks out of that damn 8 marks. Congrats?
Then right below complex which was supposed to be my food was vectors. I didn't study vectors since the last paper and remember, I was whining about how little vectors came out. Now they grant me my wish, allocating a heavy 14 marks to vectors on planes and I freaking got stuck at like the first-second part! So you could say at probably the one hour mark I haven't even secured myself any marks yet.
I flipped to statistics. I got stuck at the first probability question. I could do permutations but I am quite sure 99.5% of the time I would get them wrong due to some missing factor in the final sum which I had forgotten to consider. Finally, I found quite a bit of comfort in the probability tree question which was like the first 3 marks I gained in this 100 mark paper. I continued on, and the distribution questions were do-able. I didn't feel as if I was being owned, but neither was I owning the question. I struggled at some bits and then finally left my statistics segment alone with like 9 marks blank. (don't know how to do). Finally, I reverted my attention to pure maths section and finally managed to attempt to crap through as much as I can. However, for vectors and complex numbers, to no avail.
I feel totally owned. rather pissed. even in complex numbers and vectors, and the seemingly easy maclaurin series, they refuse to give us free marks. Without free marks, everything becomes unstable, including my mental state during the paper. At the 1 hour mark I knew I was doomed. I was trying to salvage an S grade so that I might pass overall if I get lucky with paper 1. I think Math is doomed for U. Seriously. It's now up to how high a U I would get. I still can't believe they cheat our feelings with common test making us thing that Math is so easy peasy. Raise us up so high and plummet us all the way down with mid years. I probably WILL hit rock bottom this time.
Being skinned alive in a mathematics paper. It is condign punishment for a slacker like me. I realize I cannot just read the notes several days before, memorize the formulas, skimp through the concept and score in examinations. The questions expects us to have a thousand years of experience!
//end rant
Oh and yes. Tomorrow is finally my last paper(s). Physics P1 and P2. I don't really wish to study for it. Seriously, morale is low. Mid years is doomed. I'm just going to rot away. Not that I have given up, but I just feel totally unwilling to budge.
I've been playing the piano since I came back around 1200 hrs this afternoon.
And finally, tomorrow is a pseudo-holiday. I can start planning post examination activities which will commence at 1100 hrs tomorrow. But what shall I do, I have almost no idea.
I think perhaps after several day of break after this mid years. Results will probably be back to haunt (can't avoid that). then "emo effect" will induce the willingness to mug in most of us. I don't know, perhaps I should try to be adequately prepared beforehand for A levels, (lest I screw up). Seriously, I'm having second thoughts about using last minute work. Perhaps, this is point where slacking and doing well don't go well together anymore.
Maybe I should get a tuition teacher. Someone experienced who can spoon feed me information. I can leave all my doubts to this awesome magic teacher so that I will never have to dig for my fossilized notes. In addition, there will also be audio narration to my notes, and that will be super cool!
Whatever.
So basically the paper went like this. I looked at the first question, and then I get stunned. Then on to the second, and it was some maclaurin series. Oh wait, it actually looked like binomial theorem to me. So I went on this viscous never ending spree of "don't know-skip". Then I turned to the next page. Woah! Vectors and complex numbers and it was my favourite-argand diagrams!! Before I could rejoice, I realized I could only do 2 marks out of that damn 8 marks. Congrats?
Then right below complex which was supposed to be my food was vectors. I didn't study vectors since the last paper and remember, I was whining about how little vectors came out. Now they grant me my wish, allocating a heavy 14 marks to vectors on planes and I freaking got stuck at like the first-second part! So you could say at probably the one hour mark I haven't even secured myself any marks yet.
I flipped to statistics. I got stuck at the first probability question. I could do permutations but I am quite sure 99.5% of the time I would get them wrong due to some missing factor in the final sum which I had forgotten to consider. Finally, I found quite a bit of comfort in the probability tree question which was like the first 3 marks I gained in this 100 mark paper. I continued on, and the distribution questions were do-able. I didn't feel as if I was being owned, but neither was I owning the question. I struggled at some bits and then finally left my statistics segment alone with like 9 marks blank. (don't know how to do). Finally, I reverted my attention to pure maths section and finally managed to attempt to crap through as much as I can. However, for vectors and complex numbers, to no avail.
I feel totally owned. rather pissed. even in complex numbers and vectors, and the seemingly easy maclaurin series, they refuse to give us free marks. Without free marks, everything becomes unstable, including my mental state during the paper. At the 1 hour mark I knew I was doomed. I was trying to salvage an S grade so that I might pass overall if I get lucky with paper 1. I think Math is doomed for U. Seriously. It's now up to how high a U I would get. I still can't believe they cheat our feelings with common test making us thing that Math is so easy peasy. Raise us up so high and plummet us all the way down with mid years. I probably WILL hit rock bottom this time.
Being skinned alive in a mathematics paper. It is condign punishment for a slacker like me. I realize I cannot just read the notes several days before, memorize the formulas, skimp through the concept and score in examinations. The questions expects us to have a thousand years of experience!
//end rant
Oh and yes. Tomorrow is finally my last paper(s). Physics P1 and P2. I don't really wish to study for it. Seriously, morale is low. Mid years is doomed. I'm just going to rot away. Not that I have given up, but I just feel totally unwilling to budge.
I've been playing the piano since I came back around 1200 hrs this afternoon.
And finally, tomorrow is a pseudo-holiday. I can start planning post examination activities which will commence at 1100 hrs tomorrow. But what shall I do, I have almost no idea.
I think perhaps after several day of break after this mid years. Results will probably be back to haunt (can't avoid that). then "emo effect" will induce the willingness to mug in most of us. I don't know, perhaps I should try to be adequately prepared beforehand for A levels, (lest I screw up). Seriously, I'm having second thoughts about using last minute work. Perhaps, this is point where slacking and doing well don't go well together anymore.
Maybe I should get a tuition teacher. Someone experienced who can spoon feed me information. I can leave all my doubts to this awesome magic teacher so that I will never have to dig for my fossilized notes. In addition, there will also be audio narration to my notes, and that will be super cool!
Whatever.
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