That inherence

I just discovered my piano exam is in one week's time. I haven't touched my pieces in like 2 months and not even close to completing my scales. On top of that, the pressure from all sorts of aspects are now pushing in. That absolute inherence, that complacency. After all, should I even feel an acute sense of fear because effectively this is the first music exam I am going to take and I'm not even prepared one week before. I was quite prepared like say months ago, but now I've forgotten everything. Time to recap, revise and, recover. Though grade 6 may seem like I can take it quite lightly, after all, I've been playing diploma etudes non stop. Technicality is not a problem, more of, musicality, and the horrendous chore of memorizing all scales is really going to be a problem. The crux of the problem? Complacency. Looking back, it already seems like a quantum leap to be able to jump so high and so far within only one year of study, but the way I'm treating it doesn't show that I'm satisfied at all.

I'm not worried, neither am I scared. But I just feel pressured. The long awaited adrenaline rush. Thus, I have to spend my entire day doing piano, and math, then physics then piano again. What a weekend? To a certain extent, I am actually enjoying myself.

I woke up, with a tingling sensation of fear. CIP today had been canceled, I feel relieved.

I feel wide awake now, I wonder why. Perhaps, after all I'm not really enjoying the feeling of getting pwned in math. Chem Tys makes me look actually not much like a nubcake, physics revision package kills me, and math revision sets are annoying the hell out of me.

On a happier note, let me get this exam done with. I am throughly sick of those pieces (though I can't exactly play them fluently as of now), I am sick of having to learn something that easy. I don't want to play scales. I want to just fly to the moon with etudes. Just give me something hard and challenging, make it worth my time.

I don't like the way I'm blogging now.