I don't really have the mood to blog now. The windows are all closed, the aircon isn't on and Im in an oxygen deprived condition here typing.
Went to school for Op rehearsal today. Nothing much. And then I completely forgot how I spend my entire afternoon. But I know im done with one page of Revolutionary Etude. Not perfect, no where near perfection, (the thought of it completely sickens me btw)...., Im striving for a two page completion by this sunday. Possible? Perhaps, because the 2nd page has repeats. Wahahhahaa.
Oh then there was thai mission trip meeting. I still think thai songs are nice.
And then had late supper with nicholas benita and my brother. And I didn't know popiah with extra hot chilli can kill your mouth! It was tough, but again, there was this arcane sense of satisfaction as I devoured that last piece of spicy popiah...
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
The days that go by...
Today I made a startling discovery-time flies. (even without wings). Another lifeless day today, actually for a change I went for some badminton with Alan. Played for 3 hour plus till both of us were soaked like anything. I remember those days where people stopped viewing my blog because everything in my blog is about badminton. I used to be so badminton crazy, I used to be so passionate, now what has happened? perhaps, I too, cannot remain faithful to something which I thought would be part of my life forever. Where is that thrill? That thrill, that excitment, the racing beat of my heart. Everything effaced. All of them, all diminished into nothingness. Today, I stand as a social recreational player. (I wasn't that competitive anyway). What I am refering to is attitude. I don't take it serious anymore. I don't take it hard at all. I just want to relax and enjoy, and for the sake of excercise. Perhaps, this is what people mean by "erosion of time"...
Perhaps every fraction of our lives we will have something that is important. And when we look back we will laugh at our sillyness. (and you know I just had this urge to I-ised something!).
Ive lost count. Ive lost count of how many days, how many weeks, or months have passed. I know to evade deleterious consequences I have to be evasive.
I think losing count of the days is a good sign. Infact, I don't feel anything when I reflect back now. I feel nothing. To sum up, perhap it should be a blessing in disguise. Infact, it really is. Though I can't control my subconsicous inner being while I sleep, but during the day, I am back to the perfectly normal happy happy me. I never practiced the piano so much in my life before (till my hands go sore..), I never appreciated music so much. I never been closer to God in my life before, Ive made new friends, gotten to know more people. And most importantly, I have more time on my hands now. (though responsbilities are piling). I don't miss her anymore.
Perhaps, things, interests, hobbies and passions are more worthy of love than human beings.
And I wasn't digressing, it was to prove that even looking back at what happened months back, I feel silly. I laugh at myself.
But I know, life isn't getting easier. Life's gonna be tough. tougher.
Seriously, I always wonder who will ever ever read the emo sections of my post. I don't think it will make sense to any of you out there. I mean, seriously. (not in the literal sense), but there are few in this world who can understand me well. It is an irrefragable evidence of ignorance if you think you do. I am not dismissing that claim as impossible, because I know of people who do (well almost close to perfection). Even I am struggling to find out more about myself. All I know is I am impulsive, I am random, I am unpredictable.
" Don't try to claim my title of emo king " alan.
He told me that...LOL. or something along those lines. And it was so random, in the mrt.
I am probably suffering from some wierdish disease. I always get the urge to blog and I feel obliged to lengthen my posts even with meaningless emo postes (even though I am not exactly entirely feeling emo), because it sucks to preview my post and see such a short chunk of word. An arcane sense of satisfaction when I publish a long post.
At least for the time being, let me induldge in lazing around, and also working on those seemingly left hand wrecking Revolutionary Etude. It sucks, when you know you're never gonna play it perfect. It sucks, when you know you know you're not up to the mark to play it, yet there is this burning and undying passion to learn it. The sound of this etude is remarkably distinct. (even the first chord is like so "revolutionary-ish"). I'm still at the beginning stages of the piece, but all I can say I look forward to the day when I can play the entire thing decently. The sound of it, I can say is rather "depressing" yet "englightening". I find it's nature very conflicting, I don't know why. This is no official professional analysis of a song, it's just some random "my-gut-feeling" or emotions when I hear it. It's a very unique piece. honestly speaking. But still, I am determined not to abandon "rondo alla turca".
I don't know why. I have this mysterious fear for switches. The toilet in my mum's room, has this switch which short-circuits very frequently. And when one attempts to turn it on, one would feel a very "sensational, tinklish" feeling on one's fingers. An electric shock, well, a mild on. BUt not pleasant. A very unpleasant and displeasing feeling. I get this phobia of switches and I always close my eyes and hope it will not trip! Yucks.
Run out of crap to post. Cya later.
Perhaps every fraction of our lives we will have something that is important. And when we look back we will laugh at our sillyness. (and you know I just had this urge to I-ised something!).
Ive lost count. Ive lost count of how many days, how many weeks, or months have passed. I know to evade deleterious consequences I have to be evasive.
I think losing count of the days is a good sign. Infact, I don't feel anything when I reflect back now. I feel nothing. To sum up, perhap it should be a blessing in disguise. Infact, it really is. Though I can't control my subconsicous inner being while I sleep, but during the day, I am back to the perfectly normal happy happy me. I never practiced the piano so much in my life before (till my hands go sore..), I never appreciated music so much. I never been closer to God in my life before, Ive made new friends, gotten to know more people. And most importantly, I have more time on my hands now. (though responsbilities are piling). I don't miss her anymore.
Perhaps, things, interests, hobbies and passions are more worthy of love than human beings.
And I wasn't digressing, it was to prove that even looking back at what happened months back, I feel silly. I laugh at myself.
But I know, life isn't getting easier. Life's gonna be tough. tougher.
Seriously, I always wonder who will ever ever read the emo sections of my post. I don't think it will make sense to any of you out there. I mean, seriously. (not in the literal sense), but there are few in this world who can understand me well. It is an irrefragable evidence of ignorance if you think you do. I am not dismissing that claim as impossible, because I know of people who do (well almost close to perfection). Even I am struggling to find out more about myself. All I know is I am impulsive, I am random, I am unpredictable.
" Don't try to claim my title of emo king " alan.
He told me that...LOL. or something along those lines. And it was so random, in the mrt.
I am probably suffering from some wierdish disease. I always get the urge to blog and I feel obliged to lengthen my posts even with meaningless emo postes (even though I am not exactly entirely feeling emo), because it sucks to preview my post and see such a short chunk of word. An arcane sense of satisfaction when I publish a long post.
At least for the time being, let me induldge in lazing around, and also working on those seemingly left hand wrecking Revolutionary Etude. It sucks, when you know you're never gonna play it perfect. It sucks, when you know you know you're not up to the mark to play it, yet there is this burning and undying passion to learn it. The sound of this etude is remarkably distinct. (even the first chord is like so "revolutionary-ish"). I'm still at the beginning stages of the piece, but all I can say I look forward to the day when I can play the entire thing decently. The sound of it, I can say is rather "depressing" yet "englightening". I find it's nature very conflicting, I don't know why. This is no official professional analysis of a song, it's just some random "my-gut-feeling" or emotions when I hear it. It's a very unique piece. honestly speaking. But still, I am determined not to abandon "rondo alla turca".
I don't know why. I have this mysterious fear for switches. The toilet in my mum's room, has this switch which short-circuits very frequently. And when one attempts to turn it on, one would feel a very "sensational, tinklish" feeling on one's fingers. An electric shock, well, a mild on. BUt not pleasant. A very unpleasant and displeasing feeling. I get this phobia of switches and I always close my eyes and hope it will not trip! Yucks.
Run out of crap to post. Cya later.
Some random videos (amusing
this is teh imbal!!
been a long time since I went badminton searching on youtube. Lindan gay deceptive skills. And it was double deception!
Anyway nothing much to post about. been crapping around at home messing with revolutionary etude.
Now I know.
If you see someone with his left arm bigger than his right, u know he played revolutionary etude.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Last ever
Chinese Alevels couple of hours back.
Chinese for me, (academically), has reached terminus.
As I reached school I was greeted by a nasty truth,a rude shock, (or I should have seen it coming). I forgot my trusty entry proof. As a safety net, we can always rely on our general office who would gladly print our entry proofs for us. Not for free, not for a few cents, but for a purple note. So it was a deal, an 'equitable' one. The drawback was, a series of caustic remarks from our principal. Why, (even under such circumstances), hide their joy beneath a mendacious mask when they are secretly happy because of the "expected" purple-note harvest. Queued up for some time, I would say 15 minutes or more. And finally got my entry proof. As I wrote my name on "purchase of entry proof", I realised that I'm the 60th person who bought entry proofs. 120 bucks and more (lotsa people behind me). Money party! Be happy. Earning money out of desperate circumstances of people ain't ethical.
Actually the truth was, I knew I didn't bring my entry proof along, because I was lazy to dig my out (whereby it is very likely I will find it fossilized).
The paper itself went okay. I didn't like the fact they started 10 minutes late because that would delay going home. And to make matters not better, they had to introduce a 15 minute stone-ing break inbetween part 1 and 2. It was supposed to be a straight continous paper with break. You weren't allowed to leave your seat, but it was a break. At that point of time, I was feeling soooo hungry. When I heard there was a break, I was so grateful. But then, when the break was actually a 10 minutes "do not leave your seat" break, I laid back in disappointment, dismay. My face sunk to the table and I went back to sleep. Thanks invigilators, for getting my hopes up.
Paper 1 was okay. I didn't really like the topic, yet I didn't hate it as well. I tried to pace myself. I didn't want an excess of like say 30 minutes+ to be left rotting staring at people rush their last few lines or frantically trying to rewrite their essay (but i don't think that will be happening). I wrote at the slowest pace ever. Like a snail, I slowly processed my words and phrased sentences in my head before writing them down. Even pressing the buttons on the E-dictionary never seemed so laggy before. I was on a mission, a deliberate one to make sure I finish somewhere near the finishing point. Not on some alienated time where I have to wait. I hate waiting.
I stopped at the third page at a very comfortable conclusion. (yes I probably ended by compo with a tonic, oh well. whatever). And then I looked up, and squint my eyes and look at the time.
GOSH, there's still 30 minutes.
So I waited and waited for part 2 to begin. 30 minutes passed, then they gave instructions to paste the barcode. (cool! been some time since I sticked one so, was a really exciting experience). It took not more than 10 minutes.
Then, I was really hoping for part 2 to begin. Then they annouced the "fake break". Some shitty useless interval without any meaning. It adds on to my waiting torture. I want to go home. I rested 30 minutes already! Seriously, they should consider reducing the time because there is too much time already...
So part 2 begun after a long, boring wait. I didn't really like part 2. Infact, I hate gruelling comprehension passages and tons of vocabuarly. I feel like an alien on Earth whenver I do part 2. Nothing but comprehension, nothing but filling in numbers, alphabets, chinese words and writing nonsensical stuff under a certain word limit.
Since it's the last paper of Chinese I am ever going to take in my entire life (say W-o-A-H!), I should at least make some comments on the format of paper 2. Or rather, the allocation of marks. What I would say actually is that one MCQ question weighin 4 marks is extremely expensive. Not to mention, the last section where we really have to pick our pens up and write a paragraph length of characters are at most worth only 8 marks. (with the cheapest one at 6 marks). Is there something wrong? Does it only bother me that MCQ questions and those 'fill in the blankies" are abit too hefty? Does it make answernig open ended question not worth it at all. It seems to be that the paper was set (as in format of marks) in a very unprofessional way. But I don't have any right to whine about it. Afterall, it wll not affect me anymore.
I did the paper with great impulse. Filing in blanks with what comes to mind first. The firstlings of my heart shall be the firstlings of my pen. But thanks to that, time crawled, time staggered and I waited another 15-30 minutes till the end of the paper.
great, 11:45. Dismissal time (when we actually left the hall). when the paper was supposed to end at 11 sharp. MOE should train their invigilators to pick up their pace while collecting papers. They should be well trained in the fine art of picking up scripts, tossing them into their arms and walking at a jogging pace effortlessly. Otherwise, students have to wait at least 10 minutes. Don't complain when students are making noise because it is inevitable to feel restless while these invigilators take their own sweet time collecting papers.
You never know, perhaps in 2017, there will be conveyer belts beneath our seats and we just toss our papers there. The machine will COUNT the scripts, stack them and submit them to MOE. Or perhaps, there will be a teleporation machine. And i think I am more inclined to believe we will be doing our homework, exams all on tablet PC.
And no, tablet PC is not a PC you take with water,when you're sick.
Speaking about touch screen technology. It seems that more and more gadgets are being touch-fied. Not I cannot resist the need (or desire) to own an IPOD touch. Perhaps this is a scheme, a holy scheme for the good of mankind. There will not be rapist or molesters in this world because everyone would be too busy touching their own gadgets. That would be nice. BS, more BS from me.Ah fine.
Been rather busy today. Busy and carried away with playing and enjoying life. Ive been playing the piano, playing dota (couple of games today), as well as reading Prince of Tennis manga. Though it is undeniable that reading Manga online is certainly detrimental to eyesight, as well as it can get VERY boring and montonous after awhile, Prince of tennis never fails to amuse me. And fuji's last counter is really really amazing. I don't want to blabber blabber on, you'd have to read to find out. PoT is just sooo nostalgic. And at the same time, paradoxically, refreshing.
Well, my family is out at causeway (grr im too lazy). I wonder if my brother will pick up an R4 for my DS soon. And I persuaded my dad to get me an Ipod touch. It seems like everything is pending and when he gets less busy, he will probably get me one.
A pretty lifeless day. It's been a while since I lived a life like this.
Moving on. I see myself on the upper portion of this sinusoidal curve of recovery. The day I look forward to is the day when I look back and feel undisturbed. That day is far, but it will certainly come. There are alot other things in life I have discovered, and how foolish was I to waste my life.
Memories are pugnacious. And all I can do is to constantly evade. I have to be strong. I have to lubricate the inner walls of my heart because friction between the past and present can cause sparks, flames and caustic explosions within me.
I must remain like this.
Chinese for me, (academically), has reached terminus.
As I reached school I was greeted by a nasty truth,a rude shock, (or I should have seen it coming). I forgot my trusty entry proof. As a safety net, we can always rely on our general office who would gladly print our entry proofs for us. Not for free, not for a few cents, but for a purple note. So it was a deal, an 'equitable' one. The drawback was, a series of caustic remarks from our principal. Why, (even under such circumstances), hide their joy beneath a mendacious mask when they are secretly happy because of the "expected" purple-note harvest. Queued up for some time, I would say 15 minutes or more. And finally got my entry proof. As I wrote my name on "purchase of entry proof", I realised that I'm the 60th person who bought entry proofs. 120 bucks and more (lotsa people behind me). Money party! Be happy. Earning money out of desperate circumstances of people ain't ethical.
Actually the truth was, I knew I didn't bring my entry proof along, because I was lazy to dig my out (whereby it is very likely I will find it fossilized).
The paper itself went okay. I didn't like the fact they started 10 minutes late because that would delay going home. And to make matters not better, they had to introduce a 15 minute stone-ing break inbetween part 1 and 2. It was supposed to be a straight continous paper with break. You weren't allowed to leave your seat, but it was a break. At that point of time, I was feeling soooo hungry. When I heard there was a break, I was so grateful. But then, when the break was actually a 10 minutes "do not leave your seat" break, I laid back in disappointment, dismay. My face sunk to the table and I went back to sleep. Thanks invigilators, for getting my hopes up.
Paper 1 was okay. I didn't really like the topic, yet I didn't hate it as well. I tried to pace myself. I didn't want an excess of like say 30 minutes+ to be left rotting staring at people rush their last few lines or frantically trying to rewrite their essay (but i don't think that will be happening). I wrote at the slowest pace ever. Like a snail, I slowly processed my words and phrased sentences in my head before writing them down. Even pressing the buttons on the E-dictionary never seemed so laggy before. I was on a mission, a deliberate one to make sure I finish somewhere near the finishing point. Not on some alienated time where I have to wait. I hate waiting.
I stopped at the third page at a very comfortable conclusion. (yes I probably ended by compo with a tonic, oh well. whatever). And then I looked up, and squint my eyes and look at the time.
GOSH, there's still 30 minutes.
So I waited and waited for part 2 to begin. 30 minutes passed, then they gave instructions to paste the barcode. (cool! been some time since I sticked one so, was a really exciting experience). It took not more than 10 minutes.
Then, I was really hoping for part 2 to begin. Then they annouced the "fake break". Some shitty useless interval without any meaning. It adds on to my waiting torture. I want to go home. I rested 30 minutes already! Seriously, they should consider reducing the time because there is too much time already...
So part 2 begun after a long, boring wait. I didn't really like part 2. Infact, I hate gruelling comprehension passages and tons of vocabuarly. I feel like an alien on Earth whenver I do part 2. Nothing but comprehension, nothing but filling in numbers, alphabets, chinese words and writing nonsensical stuff under a certain word limit.
Since it's the last paper of Chinese I am ever going to take in my entire life (say W-o-A-H!), I should at least make some comments on the format of paper 2. Or rather, the allocation of marks. What I would say actually is that one MCQ question weighin 4 marks is extremely expensive. Not to mention, the last section where we really have to pick our pens up and write a paragraph length of characters are at most worth only 8 marks. (with the cheapest one at 6 marks). Is there something wrong? Does it only bother me that MCQ questions and those 'fill in the blankies" are abit too hefty? Does it make answernig open ended question not worth it at all. It seems to be that the paper was set (as in format of marks) in a very unprofessional way. But I don't have any right to whine about it. Afterall, it wll not affect me anymore.
I did the paper with great impulse. Filing in blanks with what comes to mind first. The firstlings of my heart shall be the firstlings of my pen. But thanks to that, time crawled, time staggered and I waited another 15-30 minutes till the end of the paper.
great, 11:45. Dismissal time (when we actually left the hall). when the paper was supposed to end at 11 sharp. MOE should train their invigilators to pick up their pace while collecting papers. They should be well trained in the fine art of picking up scripts, tossing them into their arms and walking at a jogging pace effortlessly. Otherwise, students have to wait at least 10 minutes. Don't complain when students are making noise because it is inevitable to feel restless while these invigilators take their own sweet time collecting papers.
You never know, perhaps in 2017, there will be conveyer belts beneath our seats and we just toss our papers there. The machine will COUNT the scripts, stack them and submit them to MOE. Or perhaps, there will be a teleporation machine. And i think I am more inclined to believe we will be doing our homework, exams all on tablet PC.
And no, tablet PC is not a PC you take with water,when you're sick.
Speaking about touch screen technology. It seems that more and more gadgets are being touch-fied. Not I cannot resist the need (or desire) to own an IPOD touch. Perhaps this is a scheme, a holy scheme for the good of mankind. There will not be rapist or molesters in this world because everyone would be too busy touching their own gadgets. That would be nice. BS, more BS from me.Ah fine.
Been rather busy today. Busy and carried away with playing and enjoying life. Ive been playing the piano, playing dota (couple of games today), as well as reading Prince of Tennis manga. Though it is undeniable that reading Manga online is certainly detrimental to eyesight, as well as it can get VERY boring and montonous after awhile, Prince of tennis never fails to amuse me. And fuji's last counter is really really amazing. I don't want to blabber blabber on, you'd have to read to find out. PoT is just sooo nostalgic. And at the same time, paradoxically, refreshing.
Well, my family is out at causeway (grr im too lazy). I wonder if my brother will pick up an R4 for my DS soon. And I persuaded my dad to get me an Ipod touch. It seems like everything is pending and when he gets less busy, he will probably get me one.
A pretty lifeless day. It's been a while since I lived a life like this.
Moving on. I see myself on the upper portion of this sinusoidal curve of recovery. The day I look forward to is the day when I look back and feel undisturbed. That day is far, but it will certainly come. There are alot other things in life I have discovered, and how foolish was I to waste my life.
Memories are pugnacious. And all I can do is to constantly evade. I have to be strong. I have to lubricate the inner walls of my heart because friction between the past and present can cause sparks, flames and caustic explosions within me.
I must remain like this.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Geminate Post
Doublepost! Anyway I got too carried away with crap that I forgot to post about the main event of yesterday.
I've been neglecting blogging about the things Ive been busy with, and only caring about introspection. That's lame, I know, seriously lame. but anyway yesterday was one gruelling day of art and craft. Gathered at church with thai trip people to do the gifts for the thai children. So mainly tasks were classed into three different catogsthe good the bad and the ugly the drawer, the cutting and the sticker.
So the drawer was incharge ofkeeping things you really don't want exposed drawing lines. Then the cutter would cut along those lines, and then finally the sticker would stick. It wasn't a complicated process and since I have no pictures, (and no intention of writing a thousand words to compensate one), it's pretty hard to explain. But heck, you get the picture. (no pun intended), Im not gonna explain, you're not going to know.
I started off being the drawer. Wooo, I had yellow papers that I have to cut 8.5cm by 3.0cm rectangles. sound's easy? Quite, but I have like one whole big stack of them to draw. So it's not gonna be easy. There weren't any photocopies so we had to draw all of them manually. After awhile of measuring, measuring and measuring, I realised I could do better. I could be more efficient. I decided to trace. If only papers don't slant, or they don't move when you try to trace. I tried paper clipping them together, but it happened that it makes the paper uneven on flat ground (or table) and it will make the tracing more inaccurate. Futhurmore, the pencils (which weren't mechanical) were getting blunt, so errors are definitely inevitable. (and hopefully, pardonable).
I don't know why I'm narrating this.
Then I moved on from being a drawer to become a paster. Me and Bryan double teamed to paste stuff. One would glue, the other would stick. It was super duper efficient and less energy consuming. It was like giving out cards in daidee, but I had to do that "finishing palm" technique to stick all of them properly. Wooo. It was fun, while it lasted.
Then finally I became a cutter! It was so exciting cutting papers at first. Many left due to fatigue, and I was still there cutting strips of paper. But it was fun and there was this arcane sense of accomplishment. Maybe, art and craft suits me. Nah, for someone who can't cut on straight lines, I can produce art that is worthy of the garbage bin. But perhaps art is about perception. One man's meat is another's poison. But there is something particularly disturbing about the statement. Why not " one man's poison is another's meat ". Sounds the same initially, but when you think of it, they are VERY fundamentally different. I'm getting carried away here.
So the day ended, like 3pm-8pm, it was certainly an artistic adventure that ended with a high note (or a screechy one) with my hands engulfed in crayon markings. (certainly not a very nice feeling). There was this satisfaction. I don't know why.
I forgot what I did yesterday morning. Serious.
Went for dinner last night at somewhere (I don't really take note). I think it was Cathay but im not very sure. It is probably not my first time being there but I think it is Cathay. If i'm not wrong. But actually it doesn't matter since I'm only there for dinner. It's my mum's belated birthday celebration.
The food was well, decent. I was hungry. Infact, super duper hungry. So anything tastes nice when you're hungry. Don't like to give ratings for food (especially all these really 'art of the doppelganger restaurants'), or is it my insensitive tastebuds? but either way, when Im hungry, the ratings will go up, and when im not, the ratings will go down. no way I can be professional in critiquing food. And also, to me, the most amusing fact is that waiting time matters. A hungry man is afterall, an angry man. Fresh meat....AHHH.
I don't know why Im digressing and narrating so much unimportant stuff. But heck, it's sunday evening now. And tommorow is Chinese A's. Just give me something that is respectable, and if respectable have to be defined. Let's say, give me something that is more worth it than the effort I put in. Because I totally put in zero effort for this. I am relying on pure luck. More of, give me an emo topic so I can emo my way through and get better marks for my compo. I thin for the first time in my life, I shall quit doing my Chinese papers in a total of 1 hour (upon 3 hours of time given). 3 hours is very sickening and detrimental to the welfare of my mental health, especially chinese words have to be deciphered one by one.
I bet I can read music notes more fluently than I can read Chinese.
Chinese is just so foreign to me, but I wonder if I can make a mockery out of the education system this way. Either way, no matter what happens, I must not take chinese next year. I am taking it serious but not hard. If serious have to be defined it means it's 10% of effort and if you're curious to find out what comprises the 10% of effort that would be not sleeping two thirds of the allocated time.
Alevels or not alevels. promos or not promos. Aren't chinese papers all the same, unimportant.
But still, tommorow's paper has a very intimidating tag to it.
My aim would be simple, a B. And that's all I expect from myself. Thats if I get lucky and ain't all the higher chinese Imbal freaks out of the leauge already. That saves me some trouble. But seriously, my aim is really a fantasy, unrealistic. To be down to earth, I would say I would settle with a C.
C for chinese isn't that bad. Infact, it seems better than an A because Chinese starts with a C.
Before I stop making any sense, I should actually stop posting anymore.
I've been neglecting blogging about the things Ive been busy with, and only caring about introspection. That's lame, I know, seriously lame. but anyway yesterday was one gruelling day of art and craft. Gathered at church with thai trip people to do the gifts for the thai children. So mainly tasks were classed into three different catogs
So the drawer was incharge of
I started off being the drawer. Wooo, I had yellow papers that I have to cut 8.5cm by 3.0cm rectangles. sound's easy? Quite, but I have like one whole big stack of them to draw. So it's not gonna be easy. There weren't any photocopies so we had to draw all of them manually. After awhile of measuring, measuring and measuring, I realised I could do better. I could be more efficient. I decided to trace. If only papers don't slant, or they don't move when you try to trace. I tried paper clipping them together, but it happened that it makes the paper uneven on flat ground (or table) and it will make the tracing more inaccurate. Futhurmore, the pencils (which weren't mechanical) were getting blunt, so errors are definitely inevitable. (and hopefully, pardonable).
I don't know why I'm narrating this.
Then I moved on from being a drawer to become a paster. Me and Bryan double teamed to paste stuff. One would glue, the other would stick. It was super duper efficient and less energy consuming. It was like giving out cards in daidee, but I had to do that "finishing palm" technique to stick all of them properly. Wooo. It was fun, while it lasted.
Then finally I became a cutter! It was so exciting cutting papers at first. Many left due to fatigue, and I was still there cutting strips of paper. But it was fun and there was this arcane sense of accomplishment. Maybe, art and craft suits me. Nah, for someone who can't cut on straight lines, I can produce art that is worthy of the garbage bin. But perhaps art is about perception. One man's meat is another's poison. But there is something particularly disturbing about the statement. Why not " one man's poison is another's meat ". Sounds the same initially, but when you think of it, they are VERY fundamentally different. I'm getting carried away here.
So the day ended, like 3pm-8pm, it was certainly an artistic adventure that ended with a high note (or a screechy one) with my hands engulfed in crayon markings. (certainly not a very nice feeling). There was this satisfaction. I don't know why.
I forgot what I did yesterday morning. Serious.
Went for dinner last night at somewhere (I don't really take note). I think it was Cathay but im not very sure. It is probably not my first time being there but I think it is Cathay. If i'm not wrong. But actually it doesn't matter since I'm only there for dinner. It's my mum's belated birthday celebration.
The food was well, decent. I was hungry. Infact, super duper hungry. So anything tastes nice when you're hungry. Don't like to give ratings for food (especially all these really 'art of the doppelganger restaurants'), or is it my insensitive tastebuds? but either way, when Im hungry, the ratings will go up, and when im not, the ratings will go down. no way I can be professional in critiquing food. And also, to me, the most amusing fact is that waiting time matters. A hungry man is afterall, an angry man. Fresh meat....AHHH.
I don't know why Im digressing and narrating so much unimportant stuff. But heck, it's sunday evening now. And tommorow is Chinese A's. Just give me something that is respectable, and if respectable have to be defined. Let's say, give me something that is more worth it than the effort I put in. Because I totally put in zero effort for this. I am relying on pure luck. More of, give me an emo topic so I can emo my way through and get better marks for my compo. I thin for the first time in my life, I shall quit doing my Chinese papers in a total of 1 hour (upon 3 hours of time given). 3 hours is very sickening and detrimental to the welfare of my mental health, especially chinese words have to be deciphered one by one.
I bet I can read music notes more fluently than I can read Chinese.
Chinese is just so foreign to me, but I wonder if I can make a mockery out of the education system this way. Either way, no matter what happens, I must not take chinese next year. I am taking it serious but not hard. If serious have to be defined it means it's 10% of effort and if you're curious to find out what comprises the 10% of effort that would be not sleeping two thirds of the allocated time.
Alevels or not alevels. promos or not promos. Aren't chinese papers all the same, unimportant.
But still, tommorow's paper has a very intimidating tag to it.
My aim would be simple, a B. And that's all I expect from myself. Thats if I get lucky and ain't all the higher chinese Imbal freaks out of the leauge already. That saves me some trouble. But seriously, my aim is really a fantasy, unrealistic. To be down to earth, I would say I would settle with a C.
C for chinese isn't that bad. Infact, it seems better than an A because Chinese starts with a C.
Before I stop making any sense, I should actually stop posting anymore.
What I want for Christmas
It's been a while since Ive counted my blessings. I figured I should be doing so. Recently I have been startled by a question 'what do you want for Christmas". I gave in to that thought, I tried to induldge in materialistic fantasies, but it was a fruitless attempt. my answer was 'nothing'. Is this irrefragable evidence that I have already what I need, and want. Or does it simply mean I have very little desires for materialistic wants?
If you notice carefully enough, my blog, my friendster, you will not find a segmentwith "my wants" because it doesn't exist. Or it includes stuff that are either too big, or too negligible to be mentioned.
I am on a quest to find out what materialistic needs I have, embedded deep within the stygian darkness of my soul. that doesn't sound very right but heck. I know, I want a R4 which is like a flashcart for the Nintendo DS.( to play homebrew games..) My parents have agreed to buy it for me, (without any consequences), but still, since 2-3 weeks ago, I haven't got that determination to get out of my house, and buy that little thing. I want it, I know it, but Im just too lazy to go get it. Perhaps, I really don't really need it anyway.
Laziness probably is a virtue in that sense you will not spend much money.
I always wanted a Nintendo Wii, but somehow it seems pointless to buy one now. how many hours can I spend infront of a gaming console wasting my youth away. Games are fun, but still, I am too lazy to persuade my parents to buy one. They would, after so much problematic and repeated "harassment", but I figured it would end up as a white elephant. And afterall, it doesn't seem that appealing to me anymore.
Games are out. So the search continues. And just yesterday I ventured deeper and realise, " oh I don't have a Mp3 player! ". Nice, I started exploring deeper. My brother told me about this Ipod touch that Glen and Dominic bought. There was this impetus within me, I suddenly felt the idea of getting one to be extremely alluring. I thought about it.
And till now, I am still brooding over it. You see, the problem here with me is (imagine if you can). I identify something I really want. And then I analyze the steps to get it, and next I analyze the feasiblity of getting one. Then finally I get lazy and end up scrapping the whole idea!!! That is why I never get things bought. Usually, these cases are things whereby I can afford, and it is a good idea to get one, but usually, more than often, I don't get it. because I am too lazy to go get one.
Perhaps, I still have materialistic desires lurking within me, (the thrill of new gadgets and toys are definitely extant, and have not been effaced). But why am I too lazy to go out and get what I want.
Let me seriously consider getting an Ipod touch. I think it's good to get myself something once in awhile since I haven't really spend money in a long time. Sometimes, money shouldn't be left to breed dust. But certainly I am buying things for the sake of buying things. Though material cannot bring happiness, but even temporary gratitude is fine for the time being. Since I will be going overseas for quite a long period of time this end of years, maybe I should get something exciting to accompany me.
It amuses me that I have to crack my brain so hard to even think of what I want. I wonder why it feels so unnatural not to buy anything for so long.
End of the day, I think there's a good chance that I will not get that Ipod touch anyway. Even if my parents agree to it, I will be too lazy to go out and buy one. the only exception here is a new handphone because more often than not, when I need to shop for a new phone, I just lost mine and currently phone-less.
I don't really see the point in this post. But all the while my postes have been extremely emotional. Perhaps, a change would be good. For now.
I am calm and stable now. Yet I am sitting duck, for this delicate equipoise will vanish and then, I will sink into the abyss once again. I knew it, it's a cycle.
Good bye, Halcyon days...
Hello.
pseudo-emotions
(if there is such a word...)
If you notice carefully enough, my blog, my friendster, you will not find a segmentwith "my wants" because it doesn't exist. Or it includes stuff that are either too big, or too negligible to be mentioned.
I am on a quest to find out what materialistic needs I have, embedded deep within the stygian darkness of my soul. that doesn't sound very right but heck. I know, I want a R4 which is like a flashcart for the Nintendo DS.( to play homebrew games..) My parents have agreed to buy it for me, (without any consequences), but still, since 2-3 weeks ago, I haven't got that determination to get out of my house, and buy that little thing. I want it, I know it, but Im just too lazy to go get it. Perhaps, I really don't really need it anyway.
Laziness probably is a virtue in that sense you will not spend much money.
I always wanted a Nintendo Wii, but somehow it seems pointless to buy one now. how many hours can I spend infront of a gaming console wasting my youth away. Games are fun, but still, I am too lazy to persuade my parents to buy one. They would, after so much problematic and repeated "harassment", but I figured it would end up as a white elephant. And afterall, it doesn't seem that appealing to me anymore.
Games are out. So the search continues. And just yesterday I ventured deeper and realise, " oh I don't have a Mp3 player! ". Nice, I started exploring deeper. My brother told me about this Ipod touch that Glen and Dominic bought. There was this impetus within me, I suddenly felt the idea of getting one to be extremely alluring. I thought about it.
And till now, I am still brooding over it. You see, the problem here with me is (imagine if you can). I identify something I really want. And then I analyze the steps to get it, and next I analyze the feasiblity of getting one. Then finally I get lazy and end up scrapping the whole idea!!! That is why I never get things bought. Usually, these cases are things whereby I can afford, and it is a good idea to get one, but usually, more than often, I don't get it. because I am too lazy to go get one.
Perhaps, I still have materialistic desires lurking within me, (the thrill of new gadgets and toys are definitely extant, and have not been effaced). But why am I too lazy to go out and get what I want.
Let me seriously consider getting an Ipod touch. I think it's good to get myself something once in awhile since I haven't really spend money in a long time. Sometimes, money shouldn't be left to breed dust. But certainly I am buying things for the sake of buying things. Though material cannot bring happiness, but even temporary gratitude is fine for the time being. Since I will be going overseas for quite a long period of time this end of years, maybe I should get something exciting to accompany me.
It amuses me that I have to crack my brain so hard to even think of what I want. I wonder why it feels so unnatural not to buy anything for so long.
End of the day, I think there's a good chance that I will not get that Ipod touch anyway. Even if my parents agree to it, I will be too lazy to go out and buy one. the only exception here is a new handphone because more often than not, when I need to shop for a new phone, I just lost mine and currently phone-less.
I don't really see the point in this post. But all the while my postes have been extremely emotional. Perhaps, a change would be good. For now.
I am calm and stable now. Yet I am sitting duck, for this delicate equipoise will vanish and then, I will sink into the abyss once again. I knew it, it's a cycle.
Good bye, Halcyon days...
Hello.
pseudo-emotions
(if there is such a word...)
Friday, October 26, 2007
404 error
Post count, 404. thankfully, no error. Officially, school has ended, but side-quests still lurk around the next week or two. Chinese Alevels is coming up on Monday.Heck, after it's just some jerkwater examination.Don't intend to do anybody about it, but I will try to induldge in a 'cheena environment' for the coming weekend (hopefully). Try to absorb as much chinese from subconscious "diffusion of knowledge". And I should stop listening to Chopin and listen to some Chinese Pop now! But still, I don't like listening to such songs because some of them bring out the emo me. I still find music without words more soothing.
Well. So school has ended. I have 3 more labtops to fix (in addition to that 9 other labtops), and all of them are hopelessly laggy and problematic. Sighs. Tommorow I have to go to church to be part of the "gifts factory" to "manufacture" some sort of bookmark thing (or was it something else?). Well. Responsibilities are piling.
Since holidays have arrived, I must make a noble declaration. Holidays are salubrious. We get sick when our immune system is down, and there is somewhat of a flu bug in the air, and that is why we get sick. That is probably why people get sick. We expose ourselves to other people, we expose to all sorts of nasty little germs. Thats why we get sick. Bottom line is, staying at home, keeps you more protected against these little germs? next. People tend to get not enough sleep because they go to school (waking up early sheessh), and therefore I presume that the immune system is going to drop because of insufficient sleep. Hence with just these 2 reasons, we can roughly conclude why people tend to always get sick when they go to school. It's not because everyone is a frigging ponner (like me), but there is definitely a higher probability of falling sick because of school. School is so, bad for health.A little digress. I seriously have no memory of why and how I was sick yesterday.
Still, today school was pleasant. For once, we watched a movie titled "The Accused" in CT class and Math class (joint lessons). One little atsonishing fact is that the movie is about Rape. (and, I would like to suggest that the show, was alarminly dissonant with Mr Wong Ah See). I don't see the link.Seriously...Infact, I find the vulgar lanquage quite displeasing to my ears (Im not living in another era, but hey, let's be more cultured?). Though the show wasn't "sexual" in nature, but it did have it's sexual references. However, the nature of the show itself is more towards controversy and law (which can be quite exciting to watch). I didn't catch the entire show, I didn't pay particular attention to the show. I was half playing my Nintendo Ds with Jlam, and half watching.
Speaking of the DS, the reason why I went to school was because of "bomberman". When I woke up, just had this urge to play bomberman. I would like to class this as "random cravings for random stuff", but yeah. I think Bomberman DS is like super fun.
Reached home rather early. School was ended, so now shall the party begin? This is the first time in ages when I don't feel the joy that school was ended. (but certainly these few months passed really quickly). Perhaps because I self-declared holidays already since 2 weeks ago.
My relationship with friday seems copacetic now. I don't hate it, yet I don't like fridays. I don't shiver in dread awaiting friday evening. I don't feel that anymore. I feel normal, alive and kicking and I have to constantly remind myself I want to accomplish alot this holidays. I shall not prognosticate, I shall not live in the past, I shall live my own life, to it's fullest extent.
My blog seems like a total bore. I find it disturingly unentertaining to read my own blog (perhaps because I am the blogger here). Why is it I find nothing controversial to speak about, where have my argumentative nature go to? Where did the acerbic nature of my words vanish? I find myself unable to reach into the realms of sarcasm. Is this a sign of weakness? Depression? Or is it I find myself lacking energy to do anything provoking in nature. I feel very laid back. Perhaps I want to take this chance to enjoy life. Do not hate, do not bear any burdens. I'm too lazy to hate, seriously. And sometimes, perhaps forgiving is easier. It reaps positive consequences, and also, not to mention an alot less hefty mana cost.
And also, is it just our group that will be rehearsing like SO MANY TIMES for op. that's sick. that's so not my style. I will seriously laugh my *** off when other group gets higher grades than us. That's such a half-baked method of doing things. Why do we rehearse so many times? Ive done it like twice and I'm already SO familair with what is going to happen and what am I supposed to speak about. How familair do these people want me to get? Get a robot to speak then? I refuse to be part of this machination scheme. Presentation is an on the spot thing, not something where you can rehearse millions of times before you actually get to present. Think about it, the purpose of OP presentation is to train our presentation skills. Do we really have the chance to drill these slides and content in our head for countless times before any presentation begins? No. More than often, no. Even mugging for subjects is so not my style, so unglam. Why are such people so desperate for good grades in project work. holidays are still holidays, even if I must admit, I want to play. Not bother with some lousy project work. Let some people threaten because people have different perceptions. Why do people come up with a schedule a plan without consulting other people Why do some people believe they have more authority than others? Why? It ain't making any sense. Perhaps different people have different ways of doing things, and certainly my method is a less dense one. And still, I got this irking feeling that other groups is going to get higher grades than us. Where do people find the determination in doing such monotonous, such ridiculous, such colorless presentations over and over again? If sufficient lies in the eyes of the beholder, some people need an eyecheck. 3 times over 5 days (and a possiblity of a fourth time), is totally insane. Seriously, we'll do fine, even now.
I just did something so paradoxical and ironic. Contradicting myself never been so fun.
Well. So school has ended. I have 3 more labtops to fix (in addition to that 9 other labtops), and all of them are hopelessly laggy and problematic. Sighs. Tommorow I have to go to church to be part of the "gifts factory" to "manufacture" some sort of bookmark thing (or was it something else?). Well. Responsibilities are piling.
Since holidays have arrived, I must make a noble declaration. Holidays are salubrious. We get sick when our immune system is down, and there is somewhat of a flu bug in the air, and that is why we get sick. That is probably why people get sick. We expose ourselves to other people, we expose to all sorts of nasty little germs. Thats why we get sick. Bottom line is, staying at home, keeps you more protected against these little germs? next. People tend to get not enough sleep because they go to school (waking up early sheessh), and therefore I presume that the immune system is going to drop because of insufficient sleep. Hence with just these 2 reasons, we can roughly conclude why people tend to always get sick when they go to school. It's not because everyone is a frigging ponner (like me), but there is definitely a higher probability of falling sick because of school. School is so, bad for health.A little digress. I seriously have no memory of why and how I was sick yesterday.
Still, today school was pleasant. For once, we watched a movie titled "The Accused" in CT class and Math class (joint lessons). One little atsonishing fact is that the movie is about Rape. (and, I would like to suggest that the show, was alarminly dissonant with Mr Wong Ah See). I don't see the link.Seriously...Infact, I find the vulgar lanquage quite displeasing to my ears (Im not living in another era, but hey, let's be more cultured?). Though the show wasn't "sexual" in nature, but it did have it's sexual references. However, the nature of the show itself is more towards controversy and law (which can be quite exciting to watch). I didn't catch the entire show, I didn't pay particular attention to the show. I was half playing my Nintendo Ds with Jlam, and half watching.
Speaking of the DS, the reason why I went to school was because of "bomberman". When I woke up, just had this urge to play bomberman. I would like to class this as "random cravings for random stuff", but yeah. I think Bomberman DS is like super fun.
Reached home rather early. School was ended, so now shall the party begin? This is the first time in ages when I don't feel the joy that school was ended. (but certainly these few months passed really quickly). Perhaps because I self-declared holidays already since 2 weeks ago.
My relationship with friday seems copacetic now. I don't hate it, yet I don't like fridays. I don't shiver in dread awaiting friday evening. I don't feel that anymore. I feel normal, alive and kicking and I have to constantly remind myself I want to accomplish alot this holidays. I shall not prognosticate, I shall not live in the past, I shall live my own life, to it's fullest extent.
My blog seems like a total bore. I find it disturingly unentertaining to read my own blog (perhaps because I am the blogger here). Why is it I find nothing controversial to speak about, where have my argumentative nature go to? Where did the acerbic nature of my words vanish? I find myself unable to reach into the realms of sarcasm. Is this a sign of weakness? Depression? Or is it I find myself lacking energy to do anything provoking in nature. I feel very laid back. Perhaps I want to take this chance to enjoy life. Do not hate, do not bear any burdens. I'm too lazy to hate, seriously. And sometimes, perhaps forgiving is easier. It reaps positive consequences, and also, not to mention an alot less hefty mana cost.
And also, is it just our group that will be rehearsing like SO MANY TIMES for op. that's sick. that's so not my style. I will seriously laugh my *** off when other group gets higher grades than us. That's such a half-baked method of doing things. Why do we rehearse so many times? Ive done it like twice and I'm already SO familair with what is going to happen and what am I supposed to speak about. How familair do these people want me to get? Get a robot to speak then? I refuse to be part of this machination scheme. Presentation is an on the spot thing, not something where you can rehearse millions of times before you actually get to present. Think about it, the purpose of OP presentation is to train our presentation skills. Do we really have the chance to drill these slides and content in our head for countless times before any presentation begins? No. More than often, no. Even mugging for subjects is so not my style, so unglam. Why are such people so desperate for good grades in project work. holidays are still holidays, even if I must admit, I want to play. Not bother with some lousy project work. Let some people threaten because people have different perceptions. Why do people come up with a schedule a plan without consulting other people Why do some people believe they have more authority than others? Why? It ain't making any sense. Perhaps different people have different ways of doing things, and certainly my method is a less dense one. And still, I got this irking feeling that other groups is going to get higher grades than us. Where do people find the determination in doing such monotonous, such ridiculous, such colorless presentations over and over again? If sufficient lies in the eyes of the beholder, some people need an eyecheck. 3 times over 5 days (and a possiblity of a fourth time), is totally insane. Seriously, we'll do fine, even now.
I just did something so paradoxical and ironic. Contradicting myself never been so fun.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Found this
When a GUY is quiet and is alone, He is thinking how good you are.
When a GUY is lying on his bed, He is thinking deeply why he loves you.
When a GUY looks at you in your eyes, He wants to tell you how much he loves you and how important you are.
When a GUY answers "I'm Fine" after awhile, He is not and most probably feels hurt.
When a GUY keeps asking you the same question, He is wondering why you are lying.
When a GUY hugs you while sleeping, He is wishing that you would belong to him forever.
When a GUY calls or smses you everyday, He Misses You and wants your attention.
When a GUY wants to see you everyday, He cares for you and want to know how are you today. When a GUY says I love you, He really means it.
When a GUY says that he can't live without you, He has made up his mind that you are his future wife.
When a GUY says "I Miss You", He really wants to see you, maybe immediately.
When a GUY is lying on his bed, He is thinking deeply why he loves you.
When a GUY looks at you in your eyes, He wants to tell you how much he loves you and how important you are.
When a GUY answers "I'm Fine" after awhile, He is not and most probably feels hurt.
When a GUY keeps asking you the same question, He is wondering why you are lying.
When a GUY hugs you while sleeping, He is wishing that you would belong to him forever.
When a GUY calls or smses you everyday, He Misses You and wants your attention.
When a GUY wants to see you everyday, He cares for you and want to know how are you today. When a GUY says I love you, He really means it.
When a GUY says that he can't live without you, He has made up his mind that you are his future wife.
When a GUY says "I Miss You", He really wants to see you, maybe immediately.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
We how tight
Since the time I actually heard "we how tight", I seriously pondered upon the actual meaning of it. Till today, I am still in awe. Tight? as in packed like sardines? tight as in, no room for breathing? tight in the sexy context? What? I don't get it. But I can infer that we how tight refers to the bond between people? I don't know? I still don't get it. Some weirdo lingo. And so here I stop my mimetic behaviour.
But anyway the point here is not defining "we how tight", because I have countless of things undefined (why would anyone in their right mind define 'we how tight') or perhaps in next year GP promos there will be a Q13 Is the phrase "we how tight' nessecarily good for the well-being of the people who speak it.. You never know. But anyway what I am trying to highlight here is not about 'we how tight', or rather an application of it. application yeah.woot.
So today I was at the dentist. As I laid back and braced myself while tuning in to my Chopin collection. (waltz and preludes really suit the mood). Few minutes of the fruit blender noise, another few minutes of well I don't know what-ask-the-dentist. And then finally the main course, the main event of the day, tightening of the braces. They removed the thread and then tied it again, and then added more threads (???) or strings and tied it again, till the tension was almost unbearable. It was, but it was highly detestable. Highly unrecommended to hear a waltz or prelude in such situations because the situation will be very chaotic (peaceful in heart and chaotic in mouth).
As the strings got tighter and tighter, the only thing I could imagine was someone telling me "we how tight", and I almost burst into laughter. That's so dumb, so retarded but I actually had to use all my force to control my laughter if not the situation will become extremely messy. Imagine if you can, the dentist with her hand into my mouth, (of course with gloves of haste), exerting pressure on my teeth and then I suddenly burst into uncontrollable laughter. Messy. Messy. Never want that to happen.
Besides that, the whole 1 hour was simply a bore. Really boring. Trust me, I fell asleep till they started tightening the strings.
Well it's not that bad afterall, I still can eat.
But anyway the point here is not defining "we how tight", because I have countless of things undefined (why would anyone in their right mind define 'we how tight') or perhaps in next year GP promos there will be a Q13 Is the phrase "we how tight' nessecarily good for the well-being of the people who speak it.. You never know. But anyway what I am trying to highlight here is not about 'we how tight', or rather an application of it. application yeah.woot.
So today I was at the dentist. As I laid back and braced myself while tuning in to my Chopin collection. (waltz and preludes really suit the mood). Few minutes of the fruit blender noise, another few minutes of well I don't know what-ask-the-dentist. And then finally the main course, the main event of the day, tightening of the braces. They removed the thread and then tied it again, and then added more threads (???) or strings and tied it again, till the tension was almost unbearable. It was, but it was highly detestable. Highly unrecommended to hear a waltz or prelude in such situations because the situation will be very chaotic (peaceful in heart and chaotic in mouth).
As the strings got tighter and tighter, the only thing I could imagine was someone telling me "we how tight", and I almost burst into laughter. That's so dumb, so retarded but I actually had to use all my force to control my laughter if not the situation will become extremely messy. Imagine if you can, the dentist with her hand into my mouth, (of course with gloves of haste), exerting pressure on my teeth and then I suddenly burst into uncontrollable laughter. Messy. Messy. Never want that to happen.
Besides that, the whole 1 hour was simply a bore. Really boring. Trust me, I fell asleep till they started tightening the strings.
Well it's not that bad afterall, I still can eat.
Void
I wonder if this post will be emo. And by the way, this is the 400th post, so clap for me. Ive never sustained a blog for so long. What have I been blogging about recently, nothing but introspection. I guess it can get boring after a while.
Meanwhile, what I have been thinking about most of the time had been severely chimerical. I have to resort to these to keep myself winsome. maintain some happiness. it's like self-delusion once again. I have sunken into the abyss, and never once again will loneliness bug me because I have hit it's depths and explored it's possiblities. The only hope I have is that there is an end to that bottomless pit , and I will begin my anti-gravity climb as soon as possible. The effects of lonliness are certainly more pernicious than anyone would have expected. I am back to the usual me, but the 'contrast' effect has been really the one that is showing the difference.
I should scrap the whine and begin the introspection. Whatever residues that are left, they must be effaced.
So many things are striking me. Majorly a two-pronged attack, but under closer observation, it is beyond an ordinary two pronged attack. The inherent distancing nature of friendship.
I wonder I wonder.
I have to rush off for a dental appointment, been ages since I fixed the metal in my mouth. Gotta rush. Cya later, and will post again (I hope).
Meanwhile, what I have been thinking about most of the time had been severely chimerical. I have to resort to these to keep myself winsome. maintain some happiness. it's like self-delusion once again. I have sunken into the abyss, and never once again will loneliness bug me because I have hit it's depths and explored it's possiblities. The only hope I have is that there is an end to that bottomless pit , and I will begin my anti-gravity climb as soon as possible. The effects of lonliness are certainly more pernicious than anyone would have expected. I am back to the usual me, but the 'contrast' effect has been really the one that is showing the difference.
I should scrap the whine and begin the introspection. Whatever residues that are left, they must be effaced.
So many things are striking me. Majorly a two-pronged attack, but under closer observation, it is beyond an ordinary two pronged attack. The inherent distancing nature of friendship.
I wonder I wonder.
I have to rush off for a dental appointment, been ages since I fixed the metal in my mouth. Gotta rush. Cya later, and will post again (I hope).
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Summary of ideas
So in the previous post one will get to know what kind of inimical grades I got today. Hostile ones, especially geog came as a rude shock. The only satisfactory grade I got is GP. Though I am happy with my H2 pass, but I still think the school needs to rethink and look into their current purblind promotion criteria. Winks, especially that H1 content subject crap. Seriously, till today, I wonder if GP is a promotion criteria. And to tell you the truth, I was worried slightly that I would fail GP, just because AQ, in my perspective, is something I will never grasp. But thankfully, I got some marks there. And thankfully once again, that GP was gave out last so I got home happy. And someone had to make me feel SAD. Wong wen pu, 81 for GP is really really insane. (but seriously one's curiousity will be inevitably inclined to probe into the probability of mendacious elements of that noble declaration).
7th november, will be another fateful day. Those on the same boat, on a better boat, or on a worst one, (or any boat that is on unstable waves), that day will comfirm our status. and no matter what it will be, what will the outcome, I will remain intrepid.
Well, the atmosphere in school (like I said), was unsettling, emo. And Jlam, you seriously could make use of the opportunity to play the EMO school song. You wasted it, that was that CHANCE u got. But heck, it's over already. Maybe 7th november will be a good opportunity.
I would gladly promote, but I would too, gladly retain. Both have their pros and cons. Seriously, many people are generally negative about it. But I don't see anything too bad about it. One more year, more time and stuff. though people always argue you're wasting time. But I always see it as a plot and a nicer excuse to avoid 'losing face'. Well throwing face is part of it, but it's only the immature people who will scoff retainees. On a more serious note, retaining could be a sensible tactic. Or is it wiser to clamber our ways through next year. And everyone knows we need more than a languid determination to get us through next year....(if next year comes...)
Though today's results managed to palliate the anxiety in me. It hurts to know that my grades right now are inadequate for a comfortable promotion. (damn GEOG). But still, I know of people worst, I know of people similar. I shouldn't be complaining.
I was put into a state of emo after getting geog grades (it was first paper given out),because I had confidence in it. But it turned out everything I wrote didn't give me my marks and everything I wrote (or studied last minute) was in complete vain. Well it tells me something. I shouldn't be overconfident just because I never failed a single geog test. If I had such confidence in geog, (even though I did lack preperation, and I never studied for any of my test...)...., then what about my other papers which I have a lesser confidence and faith in. Unsettling. I for several moments figured that I could fail every single subject at a U grade.
But thankfully things didn't turn out that way. I never considered failing geog as one of the "possible bad scenerios" that could happen. I only imagined failing one of the Math or Chem which I am relying on. But I did not.
So 7th Nov marks my fate. Either way, it will be a pyrrhic victory. (I am serious, either way). Both are victories at an excessive cost. Great benefits with great sacrifice. If both ways are equally tempting, both ways are equally beneficial, what is there to worry about? Let the school decide my fate. That is if the school does not have to boot. But trust me, I have alternatives.
The crux of the problem is that there is no way to strike a balance. Two ways, extreme in their own natures. Yet both yielding positive and negative consequences. Which path will unfold?
7th november, will be another fateful day. Those on the same boat, on a better boat, or on a worst one, (or any boat that is on unstable waves), that day will comfirm our status. and no matter what it will be, what will the outcome, I will remain intrepid.
Well, the atmosphere in school (like I said), was unsettling, emo. And Jlam, you seriously could make use of the opportunity to play the EMO school song. You wasted it, that was that CHANCE u got. But heck, it's over already. Maybe 7th november will be a good opportunity.
I would gladly promote, but I would too, gladly retain. Both have their pros and cons. Seriously, many people are generally negative about it. But I don't see anything too bad about it. One more year, more time and stuff. though people always argue you're wasting time. But I always see it as a plot and a nicer excuse to avoid 'losing face'. Well throwing face is part of it, but it's only the immature people who will scoff retainees. On a more serious note, retaining could be a sensible tactic. Or is it wiser to clamber our ways through next year. And everyone knows we need more than a languid determination to get us through next year....(if next year comes...)
Though today's results managed to palliate the anxiety in me. It hurts to know that my grades right now are inadequate for a comfortable promotion. (damn GEOG). But still, I know of people worst, I know of people similar. I shouldn't be complaining.
I was put into a state of emo after getting geog grades (it was first paper given out),because I had confidence in it. But it turned out everything I wrote didn't give me my marks and everything I wrote (or studied last minute) was in complete vain. Well it tells me something. I shouldn't be overconfident just because I never failed a single geog test. If I had such confidence in geog, (even though I did lack preperation, and I never studied for any of my test...)...., then what about my other papers which I have a lesser confidence and faith in. Unsettling. I for several moments figured that I could fail every single subject at a U grade.
But thankfully things didn't turn out that way. I never considered failing geog as one of the "possible bad scenerios" that could happen. I only imagined failing one of the Math or Chem which I am relying on. But I did not.
So 7th Nov marks my fate. Either way, it will be a pyrrhic victory. (I am serious, either way). Both are victories at an excessive cost. Great benefits with great sacrifice. If both ways are equally tempting, both ways are equally beneficial, what is there to worry about? Let the school decide my fate. That is if the school does not have to boot. But trust me, I have alternatives.
The crux of the problem is that there is no way to strike a balance. Two ways, extreme in their own natures. Yet both yielding positive and negative consequences. Which path will unfold?
Results
Okay, it's here. Promo results.
Raw results from mid year
GP-59
Nothing to say about this, it's just sad to miss B by one mark but I shouldn't really be complaining.
Chinese-Im not sure but i think i got a B
According to Daniel. I didn't even bother turning up to check my paper.
Math-48/100 (E)
Yes, I passed. I made alot stupid mistakes here and there bt okay la, a pass is a pass.
Chem-43/100 (S)
Not exactly a pass but I know my CA is definitely going to make my chem pass.
And LCW say the passing mark is going to be dropped. If it's not 44, then it's 43 already loh.
Phy-39/100 (U)
Okay..this one is a sad case. I hecked phy. expected. But i think after adding CA I could possibly hope for an S?
Geog-39/100 (U)
SAD SAD SAD. WTH la, I thought I could pass comfortably. But, no. so many things I wrote didn't give me my marks.
Will be an S after adding CA. (I hope..)
So overall, I missed the promotion criteria by GEOG, H1 content subject.
Alot people failed geog to. Will there be moderation? Well.
I heard from people that 600 people didn't make the promotion criteria.
But out of 6 subjects I only failed 2. that's like the best exam I have ever had >_< I remember failing everything in sec 3 and 4 mid yr and EOYs. (except some..)
So I wonder I wonder. What will the final thing look like? 7th novemeber, hopefully it will be positive.
So, I think my logical deduction. My final grades will look like this
(raw adding of imaginary CA plus mid year).
All in optimistic perspective...
GP-B, Chinese-B, Math-D, Chem-E,Phy-S,Geog-S
Hopefully I will not get U-ed in anything.
Well, I already said. Promote or retain, doen't really matter to me. One more year is just one more year...
And again, the atmosphere in sch was very unsettling. Which is more unsettling? the anxiety before getting papers or the whining that comes after it. Well, that depends.
Congrats to my dear friend JLAM who comfortably promoted. and wenpu too.
Too bad, I can't join the ranks of u guys, because of one lameass H1 subject.
Raw results from mid year
GP-59
Nothing to say about this, it's just sad to miss B by one mark but I shouldn't really be complaining.
Chinese-Im not sure but i think i got a B
According to Daniel. I didn't even bother turning up to check my paper.
Math-48/100 (E)
Yes, I passed. I made alot stupid mistakes here and there bt okay la, a pass is a pass.
Chem-43/100 (S)
Not exactly a pass but I know my CA is definitely going to make my chem pass.
And LCW say the passing mark is going to be dropped. If it's not 44, then it's 43 already loh.
Phy-39/100 (U)
Okay..this one is a sad case. I hecked phy. expected. But i think after adding CA I could possibly hope for an S?
Geog-39/100 (U)
SAD SAD SAD. WTH la, I thought I could pass comfortably. But, no. so many things I wrote didn't give me my marks.
Will be an S after adding CA. (I hope..)
So overall, I missed the promotion criteria by GEOG, H1 content subject.
Alot people failed geog to. Will there be moderation? Well.
I heard from people that 600 people didn't make the promotion criteria.
But out of 6 subjects I only failed 2. that's like the best exam I have ever had >_< I remember failing everything in sec 3 and 4 mid yr and EOYs. (except some..)
So I wonder I wonder. What will the final thing look like? 7th novemeber, hopefully it will be positive.
So, I think my logical deduction. My final grades will look like this
(raw adding of imaginary CA plus mid year).
All in optimistic perspective...
GP-B, Chinese-B, Math-D, Chem-E,Phy-S,Geog-S
Hopefully I will not get U-ed in anything.
Well, I already said. Promote or retain, doen't really matter to me. One more year is just one more year...
And again, the atmosphere in sch was very unsettling. Which is more unsettling? the anxiety before getting papers or the whining that comes after it. Well, that depends.
Congrats to my dear friend JLAM who comfortably promoted. and wenpu too.
Too bad, I can't join the ranks of u guys, because of one lameass H1 subject.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Night
I have posts titled "morning", so to balance that I should have posts titled, "night". Fair and square, maybe triangle but anyway. Tommorow, 23rd October is the day where we will get back our results, and hopefully move on to the next year. The official slip that tells you whether you get promoted or not will come on Nov 7th (which is really a long wait). Anyway, more or less, the bottom line is, we will know our results tommorow. 7th november is just like a ritual thingy.
Heck. I am hoping for the best but prepared for the worst. though it is an amazing fact that I don't feel intmidated one bit. I know tommorow will be a frightening day for me, especially when I am certain I will be a borderline case. Well, I don't know. Time has cloud my judgement, I don't even recall what I did for what paper. All I hope for is that the time spent waiting weren't in vain but instead, were put to good use and hopefully we will see the effects of moderation....if there are any. Positive, positive ones. I hope.
Seriously, one of the purpose of this post is to bury the post 2 posts back.
Oh well. I am going to be a major ripoff. Infact, Im ripping what other people have ripped.
From heeyi's blog....(been a long time since I took a good look..)
"It is the trouble that never comes that causes the loss of sleep". - Chas. Austin Bates
Well...I don't find myself sleepless after thinking about exams. Infact, I just feel like sleeping more. Sleeping is just like taking drugs or alcohol. For me, especially me and perhaps uniquely me. Sleeping is one way to assuage worry. But yet, when I wake up, I find myself worrying even more. Or worst still, I find myself feeling worst than before. I guess everyone works in a different manner.
I think I will be able to sleepy peacefully tonight, very peacefully. Infact, it is disturbing me that I do not feel a slight tinge of disturbance.
Will there be an unsettling atmopshere in school tommorow? I guess not, only borderline sad cases like me have to worry. Well, I guess there are a huge percentage of people who are already in the safe zone.
Had a super emo principal talk this morning in school. Can you beat that wrong timing? No! She talked all that B.S about our promo results. Results out tommorow, but why does she have to talk about everything today? There was a very untimely talk. It got some people emo, it got some people thinking, it got some people partially emo. It caused a silent rampage in the hall. At this time, (whether you get it or not), or even if it doesn't matter because principals don't sit for promo exams, promo results is a very sensitive issue here. Joshua was feeling super emo after that. I did for a moment, but it wasn't that bad. But it was just insensitive, and untimely. If there was a bette and alot more appopriate timing to say such things, it would be tommorow?
Okay. So today was a mass chinese day plus PW day. Chinese went okay. we wrote compo and I tried a question I didn't really understand and I got an 'out of point'. it was an emo compo by the way. Guess....not everyday is Sunday. Well, I was thinking about days and I just happened to figure out by sheer randomness that there are 7 tones and there are days of the week. and Sunday happens to be a B and monday to be a C. Well, that was really really random. Stupid me.
Pw. OKay, it was mainly free period. But had some consultation that dragged on and on. Dividing of labour. Reminds of whatever NIDL crap...
So tommorow's order of results will be Geog, Math, Physics, Chem, GP. WOOHOO. (/sarcasm)
And btw. I don't feel like going to school tmr morn. I ain't emo, but yeps, I just found 斗琴 NO3!!!!! Im going to play it tommorow morning. No chance man!
Well GTG.
Heck. I am hoping for the best but prepared for the worst. though it is an amazing fact that I don't feel intmidated one bit. I know tommorow will be a frightening day for me, especially when I am certain I will be a borderline case. Well, I don't know. Time has cloud my judgement, I don't even recall what I did for what paper. All I hope for is that the time spent waiting weren't in vain but instead, were put to good use and hopefully we will see the effects of moderation....if there are any. Positive, positive ones. I hope.
Seriously, one of the purpose of this post is to bury the post 2 posts back.
Oh well. I am going to be a major ripoff. Infact, Im ripping what other people have ripped.
From heeyi's blog....(been a long time since I took a good look..)
"It is the trouble that never comes that causes the loss of sleep". - Chas. Austin Bates
Well...I don't find myself sleepless after thinking about exams. Infact, I just feel like sleeping more. Sleeping is just like taking drugs or alcohol. For me, especially me and perhaps uniquely me. Sleeping is one way to assuage worry. But yet, when I wake up, I find myself worrying even more. Or worst still, I find myself feeling worst than before. I guess everyone works in a different manner.
I think I will be able to sleepy peacefully tonight, very peacefully. Infact, it is disturbing me that I do not feel a slight tinge of disturbance.
Will there be an unsettling atmopshere in school tommorow? I guess not, only borderline sad cases like me have to worry. Well, I guess there are a huge percentage of people who are already in the safe zone.
Had a super emo principal talk this morning in school. Can you beat that wrong timing? No! She talked all that B.S about our promo results. Results out tommorow, but why does she have to talk about everything today? There was a very untimely talk. It got some people emo, it got some people thinking, it got some people partially emo. It caused a silent rampage in the hall. At this time, (whether you get it or not), or even if it doesn't matter because principals don't sit for promo exams, promo results is a very sensitive issue here. Joshua was feeling super emo after that. I did for a moment, but it wasn't that bad. But it was just insensitive, and untimely. If there was a bette and alot more appopriate timing to say such things, it would be tommorow?
Okay. So today was a mass chinese day plus PW day. Chinese went okay. we wrote compo and I tried a question I didn't really understand and I got an 'out of point'. it was an emo compo by the way. Guess....not everyday is Sunday. Well, I was thinking about days and I just happened to figure out by sheer randomness that there are 7 tones and there are days of the week. and Sunday happens to be a B and monday to be a C. Well, that was really really random. Stupid me.
Pw. OKay, it was mainly free period. But had some consultation that dragged on and on. Dividing of labour. Reminds of whatever NIDL crap...
So tommorow's order of results will be Geog, Math, Physics, Chem, GP. WOOHOO. (/sarcasm)
And btw. I don't feel like going to school tmr morn. I ain't emo, but yeps, I just found 斗琴 NO3!!!!! Im going to play it tommorow morning. No chance man!
Well GTG.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
*ahem* GPGT
To stop being emo. One has to start from the external then moving into the internal.
So *ahem*
Ive decided to cut my hair! (finally stop being lazy).
(NOT EXACTLY voluntarily though)
Hopefully,I think it will last me MT alevels as well as PW op presentation.
TY officially declares
His hair CUT. ROAR!!!!!!!!!!
Inorder to sorta "mini-bury" these pics
I shall
Add
More
Spaces
So that
The pics
are not
the
first
thing
u see
as
u enter
Before....
This is what it looked like.
Me looking super emo also.
but I think this is my RECORD..because I could hardly remember how long my hair was the long break last year.
Okay....
It's not that short
So *ahem*
Ive decided to cut my hair! (finally stop being lazy).
(NOT EXACTLY voluntarily though)
Hopefully,I think it will last me MT alevels as well as PW op presentation.
TY officially declares
His hair CUT. ROAR!!!!!!!!!!
Inorder to sorta "mini-bury" these pics
I shall
Add
More
Spaces
So that
The pics
are not
the
first
thing
u see
as
u enter
Before....
This is what it looked like.
Me looking super emo also.
but I think this is my RECORD..because I could hardly remember how long my hair was the long break last year.
I think it was 4 months without cutting.
This pic above was taken just now before cutting
Now...
*drumrolls
Okay....
It's not that short
Seems like
I promised not to blog about it again. I promised not to induldge in the past. But yet, have I chanced upon the greatest nostrum of all? It happens that I once mentioned "event rejection". With this remedy, there is no need to glower at the rebarbative emotions and memories, especially memories. I can treat an incident as it never happened before. (Afterall, we ARE capable of maniupilating our own memories.). It's not forgetting, but taking something that existed, as it never existed.
But am I up to it?Impossible.Are we capable of doing so? I am inclinded to doubt that. If such a remedy existed.....that would be nice. What I have learnt is that relationships should be abstemious.But yet who am I to comment.
Well. Not a very long time ago I suffered from a relapse. A very bad one. I really regret going to Yf, I really regret. Don't tell me I should know my focus. Even if my focus was there, and I know what I am going Yf for, it's still going to be very awkward. My endurance isn't capacious enough, it ain't that big! I don't even want to chance upon her presense, and to me going to Yf is really an unthinkable moveunless I want to indulge in futhur pains and let it drag on. Now, I need a time out. But time out with nothing pleasant happening does not do much. With all these Pw going on, Results-getting-back SOON, there isn't any pleasant things to rest my mind upon. Everything I think of, is totally unpleasant, displeasing. Why don't I even have one nice thing to think about.
And I have to freaking cut my hair if I want to even hope of entering the school gates tommorow. Random
Though exams are over, and life is supposed to be carefree, why is my life so displeasing. Are perceptions that deceptive? Is it just my mindset? Am I being a naive, weak, ignorant, selfish, and noobized idiot here. There are people being imprisoned, or people without hands or legs, the handicapped, the terminally ill, widows, divorced couples around, and yet I am totally at wits end, suffering from the afterburn of a 3 month old relationship. If those people mentioned above are like water, they require alot heat and energy for a change in their temperature. So what am I then???? Helium? Why are people able to get hurt and be quiet about it. I know the famous "shut up move on" thing, but are most people able to really shut up and move on. Or do most people shut up and bear whatever they have within themselves? If so, I applaud them, they have a high latent heat then.
Now, more displeasing thoughts. Results. Well, I can say I am looking forward yet not looking forward to it. Someday I will still have to take it back. All I can say, I want to be promoted. I want. But yet, I cannot assure myself of that. That is the worst, it is likely I will be a downright borderline case, whether it is positively or negatively, I will know then, the fated tuesday afternoon. It isn't time to emo about results.
I have tons to emo about I don't even have enough time, and energy.
All I can say, I'm facing the hardest point of my life now. I have food, water and shelter, and God. And you can call me a weakling for that. My blog is querulous. I don't like to habitually complain or what you call that, "ranting" or "emoing", I'll just say I was "emoranting". (sounds nice?, and cool?). Whining, has never been forte but recently I find myself being surprisingly adept at it.
Perhaps the key here is not to be so self-centered.
But am I up to it?Impossible.Are we capable of doing so? I am inclinded to doubt that. If such a remedy existed.....that would be nice. What I have learnt is that relationships should be abstemious.But yet who am I to comment.
Well. Not a very long time ago I suffered from a relapse. A very bad one. I really regret going to Yf, I really regret. Don't tell me I should know my focus. Even if my focus was there, and I know what I am going Yf for, it's still going to be very awkward. My endurance isn't capacious enough, it ain't that big! I don't even want to chance upon her presense, and to me going to Yf is really an unthinkable moveunless I want to indulge in futhur pains and let it drag on. Now, I need a time out. But time out with nothing pleasant happening does not do much. With all these Pw going on, Results-getting-back SOON, there isn't any pleasant things to rest my mind upon. Everything I think of, is totally unpleasant, displeasing. Why don't I even have one nice thing to think about.
And I have to freaking cut my hair if I want to even hope of entering the school gates tommorow. Random
Though exams are over, and life is supposed to be carefree, why is my life so displeasing. Are perceptions that deceptive? Is it just my mindset? Am I being a naive, weak, ignorant, selfish, and noobized idiot here. There are people being imprisoned, or people without hands or legs, the handicapped, the terminally ill, widows, divorced couples around, and yet I am totally at wits end, suffering from the afterburn of a 3 month old relationship. If those people mentioned above are like water, they require alot heat and energy for a change in their temperature. So what am I then???? Helium? Why are people able to get hurt and be quiet about it. I know the famous "shut up move on" thing, but are most people able to really shut up and move on. Or do most people shut up and bear whatever they have within themselves? If so, I applaud them, they have a high latent heat then.
Now, more displeasing thoughts. Results. Well, I can say I am looking forward yet not looking forward to it. Someday I will still have to take it back. All I can say, I want to be promoted. I want. But yet, I cannot assure myself of that. That is the worst, it is likely I will be a downright borderline case, whether it is positively or negatively, I will know then, the fated tuesday afternoon. It isn't time to emo about results.
I have tons to emo about I don't even have enough time, and energy.
All I can say, I'm facing the hardest point of my life now. I have food, water and shelter, and God. And you can call me a weakling for that. My blog is querulous. I don't like to habitually complain or what you call that, "ranting" or "emoing", I'll just say I was "emoranting". (sounds nice?, and cool?). Whining, has never been forte but recently I find myself being surprisingly adept at it.
Perhaps the key here is not to be so self-centered.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Perhaps....
I was told not to blog about emo stuff. not to blog about her. not to blog about how i'm feeling because whenever im blog im thinking, so it's best not to think? but i think the key to recovery lies in striking a balanace in accepting reality as well as self-delusion. A balance in avoiding and accepting.
I will not blog about what has happened, today and yesterday. It's a big question mark, I am even ensure of what I'm doing. Actions of quixotic nature....impulsiveness. I submit to my emotions. I cannot deny that my heart is bleeding....
I will not blog about what has happened, today and yesterday. It's a big question mark, I am even ensure of what I'm doing. Actions of quixotic nature....impulsiveness. I submit to my emotions. I cannot deny that my heart is bleeding....
Friday, October 19, 2007
Ohhh
Unpleasant surprise. Never keep important (or vulnerable) stuff near your windows. My WC3 disc was soaked in rain water just for 3 seconds that took me to realise it was raining HEAVILY plus get up and go close the windows. I wonder if it's still working...I think water doesn't affect much. But hey it's rain water yo.
Not going to drag this post anymore...
you left me with 1 HP. but even if it's 1 HP, im still alive.
Not going to drag this post anymore...
you left me with 1 HP. but even if it's 1 HP, im still alive.
Surprise attack
Lets see. I just got home from school.
Pretty fast huh. Yup I was actually stranded at home this time. Because I couldn't have an access to my "rod of water protection". Ah well, I searched my house's 'armory' to no avail. Everyone took the trusty and gigantic umbrellas out, I have no idea who kept those smaller minibrellas. But fortunately after some digging here and there I found a small one, nicely tucked in one of my sling bags. And that's how I 'unstranded" myself from my home.
Meeting passed swiftly.
And now Im at home. Yawns.
Pretty fast huh. Yup I was actually stranded at home this time. Because I couldn't have an access to my "rod of water protection". Ah well, I searched my house's 'armory' to no avail. Everyone took the trusty and gigantic umbrellas out, I have no idea who kept those smaller minibrellas. But fortunately after some digging here and there I found a small one, nicely tucked in one of my sling bags. And that's how I 'unstranded" myself from my home.
Meeting passed swiftly.
And now Im at home. Yawns.
Filler post
I'm about to leave my house, for school. Pttf. Don't like it. It's going to rain (seems like), and I want to go school empty handed. But I then I'll need my rod of water protection if not I'll get stranded again. It's not really a rod. It's like a strange spear without sharp ends but a slight cone shaped shield on it instead. Strangely, it is used perpendicular to how a spear would be used. A defensive weapon indeed. Grants immunity to aerial assaults of water. That's my umbrella duh.
I am VERY certain it's going to rain. Either on the way there or the way back.
I think im losing my mind. Blogging about one umbrella also can use one paragraph. Pro, pro.
Umbrellas, it's a strange phenenonem that I always forget to bring back home my umbrellas when I bring them out.This is indeed a true reflection of human nature. When it's raining, the first thing that comes into our mind is our umbrella. But as we leave it aside and the sun comes out and there is no need for our umbrella anymore, we leave it aside, totally forgetting about it,like it was never important before. Just like many things in life, we take our umbrella for granted. We only remember the importance of an umbrella on a rainy day...Or, is it just me?
I am having my lunch now. And it amuses me that I can (with one hand), carry my plate of rice, eggs, baked beans, fish and wantons.
The winds are howling and I think, (and seriously) think, it's going to rain in a few minutes.
Ohh, And one of my aims now is to devise a fingering to type on the keyboard (computer keyboard) with ONE hand comfortably and by using all five fingers. It's not going to be an easy job. So next time I can blog with only one hand, while using my other to scoop food.
On a more serious note, I think Im going to be late.
GTG
BOO
I am VERY certain it's going to rain. Either on the way there or the way back.
I think im losing my mind. Blogging about one umbrella also can use one paragraph. Pro, pro.
Umbrellas, it's a strange phenenonem that I always forget to bring back home my umbrellas when I bring them out.This is indeed a true reflection of human nature. When it's raining, the first thing that comes into our mind is our umbrella. But as we leave it aside and the sun comes out and there is no need for our umbrella anymore, we leave it aside, totally forgetting about it,like it was never important before. Just like many things in life, we take our umbrella for granted. We only remember the importance of an umbrella on a rainy day...Or, is it just me?
I am having my lunch now. And it amuses me that I can (with one hand), carry my plate of rice, eggs, baked beans, fish and wantons.
The winds are howling and I think, (and seriously) think, it's going to rain in a few minutes.
Ohh, And one of my aims now is to devise a fingering to type on the keyboard (computer keyboard) with ONE hand comfortably and by using all five fingers. It's not going to be an easy job. So next time I can blog with only one hand, while using my other to scoop food.
On a more serious note, I think Im going to be late.
GTG
BOO
Ancient Headache
Reinstalling Operating systems on ANCIENT labtops are not exactly the nicest thing to do. So yesterday I embarked on a mission to troubleshoot NINE ancient labtops. Dell ones. Firstly, as I plucked the adapter into the first one and switched on the power, it gave me a grey screen. It might be black though but it displayed grey due to the resolution of the screen. No words, nothing, no tell-tale signs of what is happening within it. A faulty one? So soon I found myself holding this 3 identical discs marked "W2K", (windows 2000). Okay, now I have 3 identical (or rather labelled identical) disc with W2K, who knows if it's Part 1, Part 2 or Part 3 or 3 clones of each other. Who knows....
So next. To install and operating system, I have to find where to put the disc in right? And to my shock, (and I should have seen it coming). That labby doesn't have a DISC drive! Okay, fortunately after searching the bag it came from I found an external disc drive. Before I could hooray, I realise there was this platform that the labtop has to sit on with all the external ports to connect to other stuff (for example Disc drive/USB) etc.. Ancient. Ancient. Ive never seen things like this before. So like Lego, I assembled them. turned it on. Inserted and tried ALL 3 discs. nothing happens. could hear the churning of metal within the labtop, but nothing seems to be happing. I left it on. 5 minutes, 10 minutes....15 minutes.
Switched it off. Frustration. Dell Latitude. Seriously, hopeless.
Tried another model. It was another dell. Switched it on. Fortunately, this model doesn't require any bulky platforms beneath it to connect external devices. Woots, so it loaded very well. Realised that W2K was already installed. Was quite elated when I saw that it was already installed (it means I don't have to do anythin!)
And then.
The nicest crap. They prompt me for Admin password. I was like "whoah". I thought there weren't any. I searched around to see if passwords came along, but nope. nothing at all. Determined, I decided to reformat windows 2K (with those discs)....
So I reinstalled Windows 2K. It worked! Woohoo! super super happy. So I left it there as I chatted on the phone. When I checked back...
The installation was where it promt me for Product Key. Woah, those DISCS were BURNT how the heck will there be product keys?
I was really frustrated. Can't those people that donated those junk at least give the things as a whole. Want to give reinstallation CD, then get me a product key because it won't install without one. (and don't tell me I have to go look for cracks myself). Secondly..., I suspect the first labtop can't read anything because there's no OS installed, there are no drivers to read from the CD drive....and so we will need a boot diskette (as Ive read from the net..) but well, IM too lazy to go get one (as in, I am working with what I am provided with)......
My room is in a total mess, horrible horrible mess. Everything messed up, wires uncoiled, entangled.
Well. Forgive me. I am maladroit at computers. (that is why I have to buy an expensive com that doesn't break down easily..)...., and worst still, after this round, I vow never to involve myself with or inccur the wrath of ancient rusty labtops.
Those labtops are supposed to be donated to Thai people when we go for mission trip. To whoever may be using them, I applaud them for their patience. Because I can imagine the power of those 9 labtops together combined and tenfold-ed not even sufficient to withstand a single dota game and perhaps not even load warcraft without bursting into flames. Even I think my handphone has specs than those labtops.
It's morning. Skipped school but going for Pw meeting later.
Post again later.
So next. To install and operating system, I have to find where to put the disc in right? And to my shock, (and I should have seen it coming). That labby doesn't have a DISC drive! Okay, fortunately after searching the bag it came from I found an external disc drive. Before I could hooray, I realise there was this platform that the labtop has to sit on with all the external ports to connect to other stuff (for example Disc drive/USB) etc.. Ancient. Ancient. Ive never seen things like this before. So like Lego, I assembled them. turned it on. Inserted and tried ALL 3 discs. nothing happens. could hear the churning of metal within the labtop, but nothing seems to be happing. I left it on. 5 minutes, 10 minutes....15 minutes.
Switched it off. Frustration. Dell Latitude. Seriously, hopeless.
Tried another model. It was another dell. Switched it on. Fortunately, this model doesn't require any bulky platforms beneath it to connect external devices. Woots, so it loaded very well. Realised that W2K was already installed. Was quite elated when I saw that it was already installed (it means I don't have to do anythin!)
And then.
The nicest crap. They prompt me for Admin password. I was like "whoah". I thought there weren't any. I searched around to see if passwords came along, but nope. nothing at all. Determined, I decided to reformat windows 2K (with those discs)....
So I reinstalled Windows 2K. It worked! Woohoo! super super happy. So I left it there as I chatted on the phone. When I checked back...
The installation was where it promt me for Product Key. Woah, those DISCS were BURNT how the heck will there be product keys?
I was really frustrated. Can't those people that donated those junk at least give the things as a whole. Want to give reinstallation CD, then get me a product key because it won't install without one. (and don't tell me I have to go look for cracks myself). Secondly..., I suspect the first labtop can't read anything because there's no OS installed, there are no drivers to read from the CD drive....and so we will need a boot diskette (as Ive read from the net..) but well, IM too lazy to go get one (as in, I am working with what I am provided with)......
My room is in a total mess, horrible horrible mess. Everything messed up, wires uncoiled, entangled.
Well. Forgive me. I am maladroit at computers. (that is why I have to buy an expensive com that doesn't break down easily..)...., and worst still, after this round, I vow never to involve myself with or inccur the wrath of ancient rusty labtops.
Those labtops are supposed to be donated to Thai people when we go for mission trip. To whoever may be using them, I applaud them for their patience. Because I can imagine the power of those 9 labtops together combined and tenfold-ed not even sufficient to withstand a single dota game and perhaps not even load warcraft without bursting into flames. Even I think my handphone has specs than those labtops.
It's morning. Skipped school but going for Pw meeting later.
Post again later.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Nice
It sounds repititive, but there's a neat surprise towards the end.
Well....done with music theory mugging. Didn't finish everything. It's "do till you understand", command from my teacher. That's it I'm done.
yawns. Read Engyian's blog about Pw. PWNED, nice one.
>>>
Read wenpu's blog about typing good english in blogs. Stuff like 'mieee' and 'harlowwwsss' is really annoying. Are these people trying to show off they can type more letters and type fast as well? Or are they just trying to be different. I don't remember typing much "you" as "u". For me, it's more a mood thing.
Lack of good blogs to read. Most of the blogs that I visit lack content, lack updates. With exception of some. Content wise, Eng yian's blog owns, but he should post more "understandable content in understandable English". It's like a maze of Cheemnology and once you start reading his blog, it's like a labyrinth...
My English sucks, I must improve my English. Reading Eng yian's blog is just like reminding myself I have a sucky English. a substandard English. And reminds me how noob everyone is compared to him. Im stating the truth, there's no sarcasm, there's no hidden agenda, just purely what I think. Damn.I think Derek's blog is amusing as well. Though I usually skip the technical parts about his lab works.
Well. If I have the time to evaluate others, I should take a good look at my blog. Mine is certainly not dusty. Shall I revert to my old ways. Provoking, sarcastic posts. I find myself getting more attention this way. But yet, what is attention to blogs? Why do I even benefit from satisfaction of sarcasm or provoking content. Should I keep my blog as neutral as possible?
I see my own blog evolving from typical lameness to emo. And is emo nessecarily beneficial for blogs? That opens another discussion. Wait, first, do people like reading Emo stuff?
Content wise. I see my blog as lacking content too. But wait, my blog is not a GP site (like Engyians). I have no interest in whatever is happening that is beyond my control. I am only concerned about my own life and the things revolving my life. I blog about stuff that relates to me. Im not interested in which country hates which country stuff. Shallowness? Perhaps, because it seems like all interlectual people love foreign affairs...
Who cares about the readers of my blog. Do I care? Wait, I don't even know who views my blog. But perhaps I am left with a miserable but extant viewership (or readership). Unlike derek or eng yian, I am not really interested in promoting in my blog.
And just one point, where have all my lameness go to? Where have they escaped to? Why is it I struggle to pun a simple sentence which I could do at ease. Why do I fail to create humor for MYSELF.
I still think the highest level of a blogger is to be thickskinned. To blog their true inner thoughts and emotions while being impervious to critisim and what others thing. To me, that is what defines a high level blogger.
Why do people have to worry about " oh, XXX reads my blog, I can't blog that blog this ". Rubbish.
Bloggers should have all the freedom they have.
But why am I ranting about something no link to anything.
Till next time. Which might be very soon. If you're wondering if I actually have so much time in my hands to pon school and type this. You're wrong. because I blog extremely fast.
Maybe later
I shall continue my picture post, maybe later. For now, I have to do my music theory homework before my teacher comes later at 2:30pm for extra lesson. It's not one page or two, it's one book! =.=
Oh well. Good luck to myself.
I see Promo results are gonna be out next monday. I think over the weekends the mood will be intense. But still, it's quite exciting right? Maybe not. =.=
Tommorow is friday. I hate Fridays!! I seriously seriously HATE friday. I seriously hate people talking about Yf. Maybe hate is a strong word, too strong for this, perhaps dislike would suffice.
It's officially been more than one month. Yesterday marks one month since we've broken up. I don't know if I should be saying this but I have not get over it. At all. It may take more than one month, probably two, three or even years. I don't know..I seriously don't know. I'm not looking for sympathy, Im not looking for people to pity me. Infact, most people have nothing to say to me about this. Let bygones be bygones. But how much my life have changed, I still can't adapt, well.Just like a Polar bear has it's thick fur to survive harsh winters, I'm like one without it's coat of fur.
Why it is sometimes guilt overwhelms me. If love was a verb, I probably have not loved before. Perhaps this is prove that my love was just used to satisfy myself. And I am inclinded to believe that it was the same for both of us. That brings us back to the "clod and pebble" poem....
If love was a piece of music, one must know it well to play it smoothly without breaking down. We need to familarize ourselves to it, smooth parts, difficult parts. First love is just like sight reading. You can play, but you will never go far, breaking down halfway and everything seems so demoralising. Perhaps, If love is a piece of music, then I will have to familarize myself to it, practice it, before I can play it again.
Oh, why am I emoing when Im supposed to be in school. And I'm not in school to mug Music theory, and Im at home not mugging music theory but typing emo posts. It's a way to destress I guess, (hopefully).
Just being very random, Im starting to take a liking to Thai songs, they're nice. I guess. I do't know how to describe why they are nice, but I find the words, in correspond to the music itself, there's this flow. there's this melodic synchronization between lyrics and words. I don't know how to describe it futhur. It's just nice.
Ahhh, yes. Recently I signed up for a "friendster-like" webby, facebook. According to others, it's supposed to be friendster. You can add all sorts of weirdo applications. Adding friends seem not to be much of hassle, and you can write on your friends "wall", etc. It's brilliant. But yet, I find that there is a disturbing lack of "personal touch" to the site. You can multisend stuff to all your friends (im not sure what thou). Wall posts sometimes can be posted to multi friends with one click. I find that very distracting, and defeats the purpose. Such sides should not be overboard in being colourful, in being exciting. It offers alot, but in what they offer, they took away the primitive methods of friendster. I am still more inclinded to use friendster, because I find all the unnessecary applications in facebook OVERLY distracting...It defeats the purpose.
That was super disgressing...
Enough of spacing out here, and it's time to go grab some breakfast and start doing my work.
Ssseessh. If you're wondering whats there to mug for music theory probably you will understand because I'm taking grade 1-grade 5, all in a matter of 2-3 weekss.
Oh well. Good luck to myself.
I see Promo results are gonna be out next monday. I think over the weekends the mood will be intense. But still, it's quite exciting right? Maybe not. =.=
Tommorow is friday. I hate Fridays!! I seriously seriously HATE friday. I seriously hate people talking about Yf. Maybe hate is a strong word, too strong for this, perhaps dislike would suffice.
It's officially been more than one month. Yesterday marks one month since we've broken up. I don't know if I should be saying this but I have not get over it. At all. It may take more than one month, probably two, three or even years. I don't know..I seriously don't know. I'm not looking for sympathy, Im not looking for people to pity me. Infact, most people have nothing to say to me about this. Let bygones be bygones. But how much my life have changed, I still can't adapt, well.Just like a Polar bear has it's thick fur to survive harsh winters, I'm like one without it's coat of fur.
Why it is sometimes guilt overwhelms me. If love was a verb, I probably have not loved before. Perhaps this is prove that my love was just used to satisfy myself. And I am inclinded to believe that it was the same for both of us. That brings us back to the "clod and pebble" poem....
If love was a piece of music, one must know it well to play it smoothly without breaking down. We need to familarize ourselves to it, smooth parts, difficult parts. First love is just like sight reading. You can play, but you will never go far, breaking down halfway and everything seems so demoralising. Perhaps, If love is a piece of music, then I will have to familarize myself to it, practice it, before I can play it again.
Oh, why am I emoing when Im supposed to be in school. And I'm not in school to mug Music theory, and Im at home not mugging music theory but typing emo posts. It's a way to destress I guess, (hopefully).
Just being very random, Im starting to take a liking to Thai songs, they're nice. I guess. I do't know how to describe why they are nice, but I find the words, in correspond to the music itself, there's this flow. there's this melodic synchronization between lyrics and words. I don't know how to describe it futhur. It's just nice.
Ahhh, yes. Recently I signed up for a "friendster-like" webby, facebook. According to others, it's supposed to be friendster. You can add all sorts of weirdo applications. Adding friends seem not to be much of hassle, and you can write on your friends "wall", etc. It's brilliant. But yet, I find that there is a disturbing lack of "personal touch" to the site. You can multisend stuff to all your friends (im not sure what thou). Wall posts sometimes can be posted to multi friends with one click. I find that very distracting, and defeats the purpose. Such sides should not be overboard in being colourful, in being exciting. It offers alot, but in what they offer, they took away the primitive methods of friendster. I am still more inclinded to use friendster, because I find all the unnessecary applications in facebook OVERLY distracting...It defeats the purpose.
That was super disgressing...
Enough of spacing out here, and it's time to go grab some breakfast and start doing my work.
Ssseessh. If you're wondering whats there to mug for music theory probably you will understand because I'm taking grade 1-grade 5, all in a matter of 2-3 weekss.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Some tidbits
Listening to Asu E no tobira, by I WISH.
This is gonna be some picture post! picccctures! How long has it been since I decorated my blog with pictures...
I always wanted to take this. It was the day whereby I was stranded in school. Cool eh, got worst before, but just never take. My dad always insist this Canal makes the area very "vernice-like". Bs. Full load of BS.
Ignore the dirty chair. That's the cheapo medal for interhouse. I don't like it. And after 2 minutes of playing with it, the strap and the medal broke apart. How cheapo. How cheapo!
I wanna bet with my brother that the contents of the "metallic" part is not really metal, but heck, I was lazy to smash it onto the ground...
Tell me if it's possible to sleep on this bed. It's my bed, and now it's used for putting things. I do't know why that heart is there, I wanna remove it from my room as soon as possible.
Lalala imageshack loading. Waiting patiently.
I have lots of labbys (9 to be exact) to be reformatted by Thailand mission trip to be given as donations...
My brother's new style of living. He INSISTs it's more comfortable. Less walking space, but yet, weird and messy room. That's half of my room, wait, I think less than half, slightly. I agree, I would want to platform-ize my bed soon, well, if my room's overcrowding condition would allow, sigh. sigh! SIGHS loudly.
TADAH! where's this. My old house, Diary Farm under construction and waiting to be rented out to this new swiss family. Everything painted white, I visited like yesterday.
It was a chanced visit. My dad happened to forgot a document so we made a detour and went to get it. Me and tayye happened to decide to go in and take a look. And it turned out everything changed. We realised that our impression of the house have changed ALOT and dramatically.
Look. Memories are built upon impression.
It's from the view of the living room.
See that area there, I once thought that AREA was soooo big okay. And now i could barely move around in that crammed area. Perspectives change. Evidently. Every evidently.
View from the door...Everything is painted SOOO white.Omgosh.
Imageshack taking a long time to upload pictures, so let me start with some commentary. So everything in the house was under construction. The toilet was unusable, the paint smell stinks, like crazy. (I had enough of paint smell in PJC.)
Ah well. It was a very nostalgic visit. And the most weirdest coincidental thing is that I heard the playing of a PIANO! from downstairs. I went to the balcony to get a better "hear". and it sounded like Moonlight Sonata, (and tayye still insists it's moonlight sonata).
Guess who was playing the piano.
None other than my good friend Jonathan Lam.
I called him. As I tried to get an angle where I could see his room (with the piano). As I called, Ring Ring..Ring Ring. The piano playing stopped.
" Eh jonathan u playing piano ar? "
" how u know =.= "
Super lameness. And It was Brahm's Rhaspody. Luckily I won the bet that it was not moonlight sonata. Or was it?
I wanted to ask him to play piano battle but....the line cut off. Not batt. Him, not me.
Imageshack still loading....
STAYTUNE FOR MORE PICS, more stuff and more emoness.
Same place, same blog, same URL.
I gtg thailand mission trip meeting....Zzzzz
This is gonna be some picture post! picccctures! How long has it been since I decorated my blog with pictures...
I always wanted to take this. It was the day whereby I was stranded in school. Cool eh, got worst before, but just never take. My dad always insist this Canal makes the area very "vernice-like". Bs. Full load of BS.
Ignore the dirty chair. That's the cheapo medal for interhouse. I don't like it. And after 2 minutes of playing with it, the strap and the medal broke apart. How cheapo. How cheapo!
I wanna bet with my brother that the contents of the "metallic" part is not really metal, but heck, I was lazy to smash it onto the ground...
Tell me if it's possible to sleep on this bed. It's my bed, and now it's used for putting things. I do't know why that heart is there, I wanna remove it from my room as soon as possible.
Lalala imageshack loading. Waiting patiently.
I have lots of labbys (9 to be exact) to be reformatted by Thailand mission trip to be given as donations...
My brother's new style of living. He INSISTs it's more comfortable. Less walking space, but yet, weird and messy room. That's half of my room, wait, I think less than half, slightly. I agree, I would want to platform-ize my bed soon, well, if my room's overcrowding condition would allow, sigh. sigh! SIGHS loudly.
TADAH! where's this. My old house, Diary Farm under construction and waiting to be rented out to this new swiss family. Everything painted white, I visited like yesterday.
It was a chanced visit. My dad happened to forgot a document so we made a detour and went to get it. Me and tayye happened to decide to go in and take a look. And it turned out everything changed. We realised that our impression of the house have changed ALOT and dramatically.
Look. Memories are built upon impression.
It's from the view of the living room.
See that area there, I once thought that AREA was soooo big okay. And now i could barely move around in that crammed area. Perspectives change. Evidently. Every evidently.
View from the door...Everything is painted SOOO white.Omgosh.
Imageshack taking a long time to upload pictures, so let me start with some commentary. So everything in the house was under construction. The toilet was unusable, the paint smell stinks, like crazy. (I had enough of paint smell in PJC.)
Ah well. It was a very nostalgic visit. And the most weirdest coincidental thing is that I heard the playing of a PIANO! from downstairs. I went to the balcony to get a better "hear". and it sounded like Moonlight Sonata, (and tayye still insists it's moonlight sonata).
Guess who was playing the piano.
None other than my good friend Jonathan Lam.
I called him. As I tried to get an angle where I could see his room (with the piano). As I called, Ring Ring..Ring Ring. The piano playing stopped.
" Eh jonathan u playing piano ar? "
" how u know =.= "
Super lameness. And It was Brahm's Rhaspody. Luckily I won the bet that it was not moonlight sonata. Or was it?
I wanted to ask him to play piano battle but....the line cut off. Not batt. Him, not me.
Imageshack still loading....
STAYTUNE FOR MORE PICS, more stuff and more emoness.
Same place, same blog, same URL.
I gtg thailand mission trip meeting....Zzzzz
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Raindrop
So strange. It's drizzling, Im listening to Chopin's Prelude 'Raindrops'. Ahh.
The feeling of being stranded in school is one of a kind. I dislike it. Really dislike it. You want to be home, yet you can't find a way that you can reach home unwet. Rain. I love the rain when I'm in doors. Cooling breezes and stuff. But no, walking in the rain is not a very pleasant thing to do for me. I get sick when I get exposed to rain, I don't know why. It's just some glitchy immune system I have.
School passed pretty quickly today. infact, I don't really remember sitting through any lessons. Ah well. I spent math lecture trying to catch up with Music theory, which I had Daniel screaming at me, all the time for not knowing how to do....=X. Gp lesson was gPW instead and we filed out group file. Pw, is like the main focus and also Chinese alevels.
I won't say that I dislike Pw. Who likes Pw? I know the girls in my group put in alot of effort. But compare our group to the other groups, we are like doing way much more and putting in alot more effort than the others. Don't threaten just because I'm late for submission for one day. (and I also did inform)...Compare us with other groups, we (me and daniel) are already doing more than any typical guy in our class.
It's late. After being stranded in school, I arrived home at 4 plus. Did the speech for OP and then I have to head to Thai class soon. I shall do my music theory after I reach home around 11. Look, exams are over, but hey, Pw isn't my life. I have other stuff going on. I have preperations for a mission trip, an upcoming music theory exam (hey I wanna take my grade 6 practical next year okayy). I know school work takes piority, but it's hard to juggle so many stuff like that.....but still, I think the bare minimal is sufficient. Exams have ended, but life doesn't stop there. I am not as carefree as people may think.
Though I know my 'rotting at home' is an abstract composition of emoing, piano mugging (lots to catchup). I don't really dota nowadays. I do have things I have to complete, task undone. Pw, is just a small part of life, and a small subset of school which is also sits alongside other uncompleted tasks. Doesn't mean exams over means I must go Pw mugging. I know it's important, but being late for one day is excusable, especially when I DID inform and also, when it's an internal dateline.
Do not judge people just based on the little fragment of impression you know about them. (I think this is like a ripoff from a quote in wr's blog.) it's quite true. and i'm not even talking about facts, knowledge, it's just an impression.Infact, even in our minds, do not judge, unless it is nessecary. It's quite a shocking thing that the human mind can even judge by their own impression of another thing/person/object. Wicked.
Digressing....
Life isn't horrible now. Life is actually quite okay for me if I look at it with an optimistic perception. It ain't that bad. It ain't horrible. I think about it, why haven't I been keeping myself busy. Why do I let my thoughts run wild. Why, so many whys. Infact, moods and feelings are governed by our thoughts. When we recall pleasant memories, we feel happy. When we recall unhappy ones, or nasty happenings, we feel sad, depressed. Thoughts actually control how we feel. Call it self-delusion, but I think the art of controlling one's own mind (and thoughts) is a skill very valuable. but one should only use it wisely and not excessively.
Emo you would say. But I think emo-ing is part of developing one's characer. But of course, thoughts must not be suicidal. When we think the unthinkable, we are indulging in fantasy.
Emo, overly used but vaguely defined. IMO(in my opinion), emo (no slight-pun intended), means feeling emotional (as emo is abbreviated from emotional), in a melancholic way. Emotional sometimes may be in a positive context, yet Emo only refers to the negative aspects of Emo. Everybody has their hardtimes, their bitter memories, their bad experiences, unsatisfaction with anything. All such emotions are embedded within them. Sealed (think Naruto here..), tightly. But as our mood changes, situations may force them out or it might be because of changing of moods thats why we feel Emo all of a sudden. Usually a triggering factor will cause emoness. (a single random thought that was brought about by some random spacing out), when we start thinking about dissatisfactions, regrets, fear, and terrible things that are ALREADY WITHIN US to begin with.I consider that Emo. (Though we can feel emo about things that are happening). There aren't Emo people. Just people who get Emo more often.
Besides, I don't really consider the act of cutting and "people who have a problem with their own wrists " (along those lines, quoted from wenpu's friendster), a part of the emo behaviour. People can feel emo, but the don't take action. The act of indulgence in negative feelings is what defines "feeling emo"....
Cutting , is more of psychotic behaviour.
I know no history of how 'Emo' is being derived. Emo culture (like appearances). But what I have just defined is what I refer Emo to. Everyone has different perception, varies from people to people and I have stated mine. Have your own? Keep it to yourself. Or post it on your own blog, don't disturb mine. Im happy with it. Oh by the way, my hair is long and unkempt. Not emo.
I have more to add. But since i need to go out soon, I shall get ready. Post again when I get back. (look forward to picture post).
The feeling of being stranded in school is one of a kind. I dislike it. Really dislike it. You want to be home, yet you can't find a way that you can reach home unwet. Rain. I love the rain when I'm in doors. Cooling breezes and stuff. But no, walking in the rain is not a very pleasant thing to do for me. I get sick when I get exposed to rain, I don't know why. It's just some glitchy immune system I have.
School passed pretty quickly today. infact, I don't really remember sitting through any lessons. Ah well. I spent math lecture trying to catch up with Music theory, which I had Daniel screaming at me, all the time for not knowing how to do....=X. Gp lesson was gPW instead and we filed out group file. Pw, is like the main focus and also Chinese alevels.
I won't say that I dislike Pw. Who likes Pw? I know the girls in my group put in alot of effort. But compare our group to the other groups, we are like doing way much more and putting in alot more effort than the others. Don't threaten just because I'm late for submission for one day. (and I also did inform)...Compare us with other groups, we (me and daniel) are already doing more than any typical guy in our class.
It's late. After being stranded in school, I arrived home at 4 plus. Did the speech for OP and then I have to head to Thai class soon. I shall do my music theory after I reach home around 11. Look, exams are over, but hey, Pw isn't my life. I have other stuff going on. I have preperations for a mission trip, an upcoming music theory exam (hey I wanna take my grade 6 practical next year okayy). I know school work takes piority, but it's hard to juggle so many stuff like that.....but still, I think the bare minimal is sufficient. Exams have ended, but life doesn't stop there. I am not as carefree as people may think.
Though I know my 'rotting at home' is an abstract composition of emoing, piano mugging (lots to catchup). I don't really dota nowadays. I do have things I have to complete, task undone. Pw, is just a small part of life, and a small subset of school which is also sits alongside other uncompleted tasks. Doesn't mean exams over means I must go Pw mugging. I know it's important, but being late for one day is excusable, especially when I DID inform and also, when it's an internal dateline.
Do not judge people just based on the little fragment of impression you know about them. (I think this is like a ripoff from a quote in wr's blog.) it's quite true. and i'm not even talking about facts, knowledge, it's just an impression.Infact, even in our minds, do not judge, unless it is nessecary. It's quite a shocking thing that the human mind can even judge by their own impression of another thing/person/object. Wicked.
Digressing....
Life isn't horrible now. Life is actually quite okay for me if I look at it with an optimistic perception. It ain't that bad. It ain't horrible. I think about it, why haven't I been keeping myself busy. Why do I let my thoughts run wild. Why, so many whys. Infact, moods and feelings are governed by our thoughts. When we recall pleasant memories, we feel happy. When we recall unhappy ones, or nasty happenings, we feel sad, depressed. Thoughts actually control how we feel. Call it self-delusion, but I think the art of controlling one's own mind (and thoughts) is a skill very valuable. but one should only use it wisely and not excessively.
Emo you would say. But I think emo-ing is part of developing one's characer. But of course, thoughts must not be suicidal. When we think the unthinkable, we are indulging in fantasy.
Emo, overly used but vaguely defined. IMO(in my opinion), emo (no slight-pun intended), means feeling emotional (as emo is abbreviated from emotional), in a melancholic way. Emotional sometimes may be in a positive context, yet Emo only refers to the negative aspects of Emo. Everybody has their hardtimes, their bitter memories, their bad experiences, unsatisfaction with anything. All such emotions are embedded within them. Sealed (think Naruto here..), tightly. But as our mood changes, situations may force them out or it might be because of changing of moods thats why we feel Emo all of a sudden. Usually a triggering factor will cause emoness. (a single random thought that was brought about by some random spacing out), when we start thinking about dissatisfactions, regrets, fear, and terrible things that are ALREADY WITHIN US to begin with.I consider that Emo. (Though we can feel emo about things that are happening). There aren't Emo people. Just people who get Emo more often.
Besides, I don't really consider the act of cutting and "people who have a problem with their own wrists " (along those lines, quoted from wenpu's friendster), a part of the emo behaviour. People can feel emo, but the don't take action. The act of indulgence in negative feelings is what defines "feeling emo"....
Cutting , is more of psychotic behaviour.
I know no history of how 'Emo' is being derived. Emo culture (like appearances). But what I have just defined is what I refer Emo to. Everyone has different perception, varies from people to people and I have stated mine. Have your own? Keep it to yourself. Or post it on your own blog, don't disturb mine. Im happy with it. Oh by the way, my hair is long and unkempt. Not emo.
I have more to add. But since i need to go out soon, I shall get ready. Post again when I get back. (look forward to picture post).
Monday, October 15, 2007
I don't know why
Instead of posting intellectual content (like engyian), or other bloggers whose blogs are coated with a layer of dusts, where do I fit? Again, I am neither here nor there. Only, only emo posts. And the everyday stuff. Im getting sick of blogging, seriously. Also the ghost town tagboard. I realise Emo posts are very popular among the unintellectual (with exceptions), how often do you find Emoness in their (engyian,derek etc..) posts. But heck, I'll go on my Emo spree.
Last night, it was really uncomfortable for me. I couldn't sleep well. Once in a while, the vice of memories would grab me, unwilling to release, leaving me in a melancholic state the entire night (including my sleep, and presleep, and post sleep.) Not willing to let go, both the vice and both me....It's been one month. Yet am still in such a state? Is it prove that my feelings were that deep? Like a bottomless pit trap, will I ever get out?
Well. I did something forbidden. I send u an sms. But i told myself no matter what I will not reply after that. Till now I haven't, deleted your reply anyway.I cannot let go. I'm always worrying. What are you doing this time..., how you did for exams (though I should be worrying baout MY OWN results..Grrr), are you okay?. A sense of sadness overwhelms me each time I think, each time I indulge in memories.....
I realised a shocking truth.a truth that would lend me back into that dreadful square one. I was lying down on my mattress and I told myself to tell myself the truth. Search my soul, look for the truth. I asked, how was this month. Initially, I told myself, " much better ". And after searching deeper and deeper and asking myself more provoking questions. It was a couragerous attempt. Filtering my thoughts was a skill that I had learn, but after awhile I realise I had enough of this game of self-denial. The truth is, my feelings haven't faded one bit. I'm hopeless. Ain't the fact that I'm still concerned, I'm still sad, Im still really really wrecked, isn't that a prove of the above statement? Is it just emotional attachment?
So am I back at square one? I don't know why. My last post I talked about Escaping, but once in awhile, people get tired at escaping. I got tired of escaping, I faced the truth last night. But i hurt, so much.
There are many ' I don't know whys ' in me now. Are you that great of a girl? No, are you that great of a person? No, I know of people better. Are you worth my time? Now, no!. So many nos, which also brings about the "I don't know why". I don't know why, my feelings won't just go away. I don't know why, I want you back.
It's not a heart or brain decision here. To be rationale, that is suicidal, unthinkable. I asked myself, after a series of abstract, brave, provoking questions, I do want you back. But yet I do not want you back. How ironic, it's a battle within myself. But I do not have a choice here you see. It's more of "do I let go?" or "do I not".
Nothing here is ideal, far from Ideal. Just like the differences in Ideal gases and real gases, collisions in reality are Elastic. They are unapple to detach just like that. Am I a byproduct (or consequence) of an elastic relationship? (If i'm wrong please correct me, Im certainly fated to fail physics..)
This elasticity. This emotional attachment. Or is it somesort of supernatural stickiness that have developed over all that time.
To sum everything up, it's whether I continue deluding myself, or I continue facing the truth I can't change. Or do I strike a balance and accept reality.
If time heals, then now I know one cannot feel the effect of time as it heals. If one and doubts time, time will not heal, it will remain still. if not, the other posiblitity is that the healing of time may not be a linear of exponential increasing curve or line, it may a sinusoidal curves with ups and downs but increasing amplitude.
I wonder if healing is just like purging of poison. Is healing painful? Does pain and happiness coexist in the process of healing? Ignore this statement, Im probably cheemifying things which have no logic at all. If not, it is probably because I don't know how to phrase this. or express what I mean.
I don't want healing, I want "event rejection". Nah, (too much bleach). *kills myself*
It was definitely too early for our graphs to intersect. But I should not be narrowminded. Who knows if I could see the future, if I could slightly lenghten the window or increase the domain, there might be another intersection point waiting. But I should never let hope burden me, I should remain hopeful yet not too hopeful. I happen not to believe in "when there is a will, there's a way"....
The future lies gloomy. But time reveals, time heals. Time does wonders. God does wonders, things can change. The garden which I used to see as a big big one became so small when I revisted years later, perspective changes as we grow. As we change, the influence of matters will change. I believe in that.
For now, not studying hard enough for promos is one mistake. But I think, the biggest mistake in my life is to ever know you. And also, that intersection point that we forced, was a total blunder.
If you ever read this, I don't think you'll understand what I mean.
Last night, it was really uncomfortable for me. I couldn't sleep well. Once in a while, the vice of memories would grab me, unwilling to release, leaving me in a melancholic state the entire night (including my sleep, and presleep, and post sleep.) Not willing to let go, both the vice and both me....It's been one month. Yet am still in such a state? Is it prove that my feelings were that deep? Like a bottomless pit trap, will I ever get out?
Well. I did something forbidden. I send u an sms. But i told myself no matter what I will not reply after that. Till now I haven't, deleted your reply anyway.I cannot let go. I'm always worrying. What are you doing this time..., how you did for exams (though I should be worrying baout MY OWN results..Grrr), are you okay?. A sense of sadness overwhelms me each time I think, each time I indulge in memories.....
I realised a shocking truth.a truth that would lend me back into that dreadful square one. I was lying down on my mattress and I told myself to tell myself the truth. Search my soul, look for the truth. I asked, how was this month. Initially, I told myself, " much better ". And after searching deeper and deeper and asking myself more provoking questions. It was a couragerous attempt. Filtering my thoughts was a skill that I had learn, but after awhile I realise I had enough of this game of self-denial. The truth is, my feelings haven't faded one bit. I'm hopeless. Ain't the fact that I'm still concerned, I'm still sad, Im still really really wrecked, isn't that a prove of the above statement? Is it just emotional attachment?
So am I back at square one? I don't know why. My last post I talked about Escaping, but once in awhile, people get tired at escaping. I got tired of escaping, I faced the truth last night. But i hurt, so much.
There are many ' I don't know whys ' in me now. Are you that great of a girl? No, are you that great of a person? No, I know of people better. Are you worth my time? Now, no!. So many nos, which also brings about the "I don't know why". I don't know why, my feelings won't just go away. I don't know why, I want you back.
It's not a heart or brain decision here. To be rationale, that is suicidal, unthinkable. I asked myself, after a series of abstract, brave, provoking questions, I do want you back. But yet I do not want you back. How ironic, it's a battle within myself. But I do not have a choice here you see. It's more of "do I let go?" or "do I not".
Nothing here is ideal, far from Ideal. Just like the differences in Ideal gases and real gases, collisions in reality are Elastic. They are unapple to detach just like that. Am I a byproduct (or consequence) of an elastic relationship? (If i'm wrong please correct me, Im certainly fated to fail physics..)
This elasticity. This emotional attachment. Or is it somesort of supernatural stickiness that have developed over all that time.
To sum everything up, it's whether I continue deluding myself, or I continue facing the truth I can't change. Or do I strike a balance and accept reality.
If time heals, then now I know one cannot feel the effect of time as it heals. If one and doubts time, time will not heal, it will remain still. if not, the other posiblitity is that the healing of time may not be a linear of exponential increasing curve or line, it may a sinusoidal curves with ups and downs but increasing amplitude.
I wonder if healing is just like purging of poison. Is healing painful? Does pain and happiness coexist in the process of healing? Ignore this statement, Im probably cheemifying things which have no logic at all. If not, it is probably because I don't know how to phrase this. or express what I mean.
I don't want healing, I want "event rejection". Nah, (too much bleach). *kills myself*
It was definitely too early for our graphs to intersect. But I should not be narrowminded. Who knows if I could see the future, if I could slightly lenghten the window or increase the domain, there might be another intersection point waiting. But I should never let hope burden me, I should remain hopeful yet not too hopeful. I happen not to believe in "when there is a will, there's a way"....
The future lies gloomy. But time reveals, time heals. Time does wonders. God does wonders, things can change. The garden which I used to see as a big big one became so small when I revisted years later, perspective changes as we grow. As we change, the influence of matters will change. I believe in that.
For now, not studying hard enough for promos is one mistake. But I think, the biggest mistake in my life is to ever know you. And also, that intersection point that we forced, was a total blunder.
If you ever read this, I don't think you'll understand what I mean.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Home alone
Bear in mind that I have no content up there sitting on my brain when I created this post with the intention to blog, so the content may become emo.
In probably < month's time my blog will hit 400 posts, which is double of my other blogs. I know it's not really an achievement (because if it was, I would have spammed thousands of short postes to achieve a high post count? Nah, im not too lame to do that)...A blog is a commitment, and also a place for rantings, and a place to organise our own thoughts. and also, maybe. pttf, to flame others?
There's one blog I want to read, but I will never find the courage. I will never. Stupid me.
Almost a month have passed. Are things getting better? Are things worst off. I don't know. It's better, I guess. Very much better. Ive been dreaming weird dreams. One of them involving me going on a space trip and in this gigantic spacecraft. (which had classrooms in it!), and then we had to use our GC (graphic calculator) to type SMSes to our fellow people on Earth. The dream was vague, but I remembered the GC part and I woke up feeling very WTH! Seriously, I think some coil of wires in my brain are entangled, resulting in such weird dreams. I don't remember the others. some involving promo results but I guess like almost everyone has dreamt about their promo results once in awhile....
Memories, feel so surreal. They feel like a dream now.
I guess I will never be able to cherish those memories. I mean, everything happened so suddenly (though we were sitting duck all along). But eventually, there will be nothing but a scar. A scar is a irremovable reminder of an accident, a mistake or whatsoever.
Given up alot of things. Especially Yf, I use to enjoy going every week. Nowadays, Fridays feel so empty. I hate friday evenings now. As I stay at home and wait for my brother to come home, I have this longing feeling to go back, But it will make things worst. For now, there is someone I must not see...Hearing Glen n my brother talk about what happened yesterday on a Saturday really really makes me wonder ' am i ever going to go back'. well, i think many peeps have already seen me in 7:30 service, i think people must be shocked. and some already knows the story. but well...sometimes i wonder, why am i the one compromising now, why am i the one who is avoiding. why do i sacrifice my friends there so that you can go back? just to make it not so weird for you, I don't go. It's so dumb, right? Where's my pride.
As you can see, my blog title is onehundredpercent EVASION, i evade things. Running away from problems you can't SOLVE is the best alternative.All that crap talk about the cowardice nature of escapist are really untrue. If a Lion just released from the Zoo is chasing you, do you run away? I mean, (if you know you can really RUN away from it, IF not think of some other witty way to dispose of it, maybe Pokeballs?). Well....the bottom line is, Im running away, but so what? There's an option RUN in every RPG game and knowing when to RUN is wisdom.
Pride and ego, I think I have thrown them away. I should throw them away. The easiest way to live is not bear any burden. Don't hate anyone. Don't have a stuckup ego, and I find that alot easier. and most importantly, don't look down on people. dont' evaluate people, don't judge, don't gossip. That is the easiest way to live, and also probably in the name of pragmatism, people should really do the above. It makes life alot simple. And most importantly, forgive.
“Simplicity is the highest goal, achievable when you have overcome all difficulties.”Chopin.
I like the idea of simplicity being the highest degree of abstractness. (if there is such a word...ptf)
I wanted to end on a high note, but rather not. It's abit of anticlimax but the thick trees have sprouted and its time for me...
to go on some rampage in Dota.
Sounds lame, but in simpler and more logical terms. Jlam is here and Im dotaing with him.
Perfect anticlimax.
In probably < month's time my blog will hit 400 posts, which is double of my other blogs. I know it's not really an achievement (because if it was, I would have spammed thousands of short postes to achieve a high post count? Nah, im not too lame to do that)...A blog is a commitment, and also a place for rantings, and a place to organise our own thoughts. and also, maybe. pttf, to flame others?
There's one blog I want to read, but I will never find the courage. I will never. Stupid me.
Almost a month have passed. Are things getting better? Are things worst off. I don't know. It's better, I guess. Very much better. Ive been dreaming weird dreams. One of them involving me going on a space trip and in this gigantic spacecraft. (which had classrooms in it!), and then we had to use our GC (graphic calculator) to type SMSes to our fellow people on Earth. The dream was vague, but I remembered the GC part and I woke up feeling very WTH! Seriously, I think some coil of wires in my brain are entangled, resulting in such weird dreams. I don't remember the others. some involving promo results but I guess like almost everyone has dreamt about their promo results once in awhile....
Memories, feel so surreal. They feel like a dream now.
I guess I will never be able to cherish those memories. I mean, everything happened so suddenly (though we were sitting duck all along). But eventually, there will be nothing but a scar. A scar is a irremovable reminder of an accident, a mistake or whatsoever.
Given up alot of things. Especially Yf, I use to enjoy going every week. Nowadays, Fridays feel so empty. I hate friday evenings now. As I stay at home and wait for my brother to come home, I have this longing feeling to go back, But it will make things worst. For now, there is someone I must not see...Hearing Glen n my brother talk about what happened yesterday on a Saturday really really makes me wonder ' am i ever going to go back'. well, i think many peeps have already seen me in 7:30 service, i think people must be shocked. and some already knows the story. but well...sometimes i wonder, why am i the one compromising now, why am i the one who is avoiding. why do i sacrifice my friends there so that you can go back? just to make it not so weird for you, I don't go. It's so dumb, right? Where's my pride.
As you can see, my blog title is onehundredpercent EVASION, i evade things. Running away from problems you can't SOLVE is the best alternative.All that crap talk about the cowardice nature of escapist are really untrue. If a Lion just released from the Zoo is chasing you, do you run away? I mean, (if you know you can really RUN away from it, IF not think of some other witty way to dispose of it, maybe Pokeballs?). Well....the bottom line is, Im running away, but so what? There's an option RUN in every RPG game and knowing when to RUN is wisdom.
Pride and ego, I think I have thrown them away. I should throw them away. The easiest way to live is not bear any burden. Don't hate anyone. Don't have a stuckup ego, and I find that alot easier. and most importantly, don't look down on people. dont' evaluate people, don't judge, don't gossip. That is the easiest way to live, and also probably in the name of pragmatism, people should really do the above. It makes life alot simple. And most importantly, forgive.
“Simplicity is the highest goal, achievable when you have overcome all difficulties.”Chopin.
I like the idea of simplicity being the highest degree of abstractness. (if there is such a word...ptf)
I wanted to end on a high note, but rather not. It's abit of anticlimax but the thick trees have sprouted and its time for me...
to go on some rampage in Dota.
Sounds lame, but in simpler and more logical terms. Jlam is here and Im dotaing with him.
Perfect anticlimax.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Movie-The pianist
Watched the pianist yesterday over my com. Downloaded it. I think it's a 2003 movie if Im not wrong. This time, the show is about piano (once again), but it's not the main theme. There is really no fancy rommance or 'piano battles', instead, the theme is darker (lots darker). It was how the Jews suffered under the Germans. Look, Im not really in the position to explain anything because I do't study history for nutts. But it's really good, a splendid traumatizer. It makes you ponder upon the meaning of the problems you have now...., don't take peace for granted. I guess that's what every single war film potrays, very evidently.
Well. Lets say I was lost here and there. It was midnight and I was dealing with a 2 hour and 2 minute film, talk about dozing off. Secondly, lots of German was spoken and I have hella no idea what they are talking about. (only to guess).
I think it's based according to a real story. I think cheemist and literaturist can explain in depth about the details of the story that is supposed to be highlighted,I took everything as literal, I didn't think much. Mainly, because I was confused, as well.
But it was a sad yet refreshing show.
To those who have too much free time, go watch it. If not, save the trouble and go play some dota because this show ain't really for people who are so obssessed with popculture and modern day life. I watched it mainly because it was the 'pianist' and I wanted to hear some Chopin in it. But besides that, I am no fan of war shows, I do not like watching people suffering (as directed probably to highlight the degree of seriousness? or the agony of the people then?). Well, I think maybe eng yian class people can appreciate such shows. Perhaps.
Well. Lets say I was lost here and there. It was midnight and I was dealing with a 2 hour and 2 minute film, talk about dozing off. Secondly, lots of German was spoken and I have hella no idea what they are talking about. (only to guess).
I think it's based according to a real story. I think cheemist and literaturist can explain in depth about the details of the story that is supposed to be highlighted,I took everything as literal, I didn't think much. Mainly, because I was confused, as well.
But it was a sad yet refreshing show.
To those who have too much free time, go watch it. If not, save the trouble and go play some dota because this show ain't really for people who are so obssessed with popculture and modern day life. I watched it mainly because it was the 'pianist' and I wanted to hear some Chopin in it. But besides that, I am no fan of war shows, I do not like watching people suffering (as directed probably to highlight the degree of seriousness? or the agony of the people then?). Well, I think maybe eng yian class people can appreciate such shows. Perhaps.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Singapore IDLE
Idle. Idle. Idle.
I find myself super idle nowadays. Not going to school equals, alot of time. alot of time with nothing to do equals idle, restlessness.
Yesterday went running at bp. Ran up a mountain bike track. Nature is really wonderful, the unique smell (really there were several scents which I smelt for the first time in my life). Late at night, it was a narrow path, dark and rocky. Cooling. Loved it.
Tried to write a novel yesterday. But it was critiqued quite harshly. Didn't have the heart to continue, the more I wrote, the more I disliked it. So Im stopping. I will never get down to write something in full.
I find myself on the piano for long hours but with alot of intervals. Im still on the 'black key waltz' of Piano Battle 1 of 不能说的秘密. Hope to complete it by this weekend. Contemplating if I should not go to school tommorow..
8pm is approaching soon. Friday again tommoow, I detest fridays. I detest friday evenings. There's this irreplacable void within me now. How much I miss going to Yf, how much I want to go, how much I miss the people there, I have to think of consequences. I cannot suffer from any relapse.
As for now, let me settle with piano. Let me dedicate all my time to the piano. It's so weird. I used to hate it soo much, hate it to the core when I was younger. Now it's like, I am so attached to it. It's just so contradicting, it's so ironic. It's like a joke played on me. How dependant am I on music and piano now. I don't know. I see myself improving like nuts. insane. compared to everyone, i am like a race car in a competition that is lagged behind by countless laps, it's time to go full force and met the backs of the others. especially, my brothers.
After finishing songs from 不能说的秘密, I shall go back and replay my Turkish march. That has been NEGLECTED for really a very long time
And then. My exams are on 3rd november (i think...) for theory.
Im finally not listening to classical but Jpop.
明日への扉
I find myself super idle nowadays. Not going to school equals, alot of time. alot of time with nothing to do equals idle, restlessness.
Yesterday went running at bp. Ran up a mountain bike track. Nature is really wonderful, the unique smell (really there were several scents which I smelt for the first time in my life). Late at night, it was a narrow path, dark and rocky. Cooling. Loved it.
Tried to write a novel yesterday. But it was critiqued quite harshly. Didn't have the heart to continue, the more I wrote, the more I disliked it. So Im stopping. I will never get down to write something in full.
I find myself on the piano for long hours but with alot of intervals. Im still on the 'black key waltz' of Piano Battle 1 of 不能说的秘密. Hope to complete it by this weekend. Contemplating if I should not go to school tommorow..
8pm is approaching soon. Friday again tommoow, I detest fridays. I detest friday evenings. There's this irreplacable void within me now. How much I miss going to Yf, how much I want to go, how much I miss the people there, I have to think of consequences. I cannot suffer from any relapse.
As for now, let me settle with piano. Let me dedicate all my time to the piano. It's so weird. I used to hate it soo much, hate it to the core when I was younger. Now it's like, I am so attached to it. It's just so contradicting, it's so ironic. It's like a joke played on me. How dependant am I on music and piano now. I don't know. I see myself improving like nuts. insane. compared to everyone, i am like a race car in a competition that is lagged behind by countless laps, it's time to go full force and met the backs of the others. especially, my brothers.
After finishing songs from 不能说的秘密, I shall go back and replay my Turkish march. That has been NEGLECTED for really a very long time
And then. My exams are on 3rd november (i think...) for theory.
Im finally not listening to classical but Jpop.
明日への扉
Morning
I didn't go to school today. My first reaction when I woke up was "CRAP i haven't cut my hair". Seriously, it's really really dangerous to enter school now. Even low level 'can't-be-bothered' teachers are starting to catch me already. What happens if I incur the wrath of the higher level teachers? GGzzzz.
Okay, I also had a mild sorethroat. (/excuse)
Nothing very exceptional about today. Gonna rot at home I guess.
Okay, I also had a mild sorethroat. (/excuse)
Nothing very exceptional about today. Gonna rot at home I guess.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
ZzZzzZ
Okay, Im bored. WoW is taking a long time to install...:(
CRAP! I cancelled the installation at disc THREE.
Blunder Blunder.
"My son, a top student, returned home shattered after difficult PSLE maths paper
Letter from GUO WEIFU
THIS year’s PSLE mathematics paper has caused many students undeserved anguish. Their reactions, including that of the good and gifted ones, were one of despair and discouragement upon encountering problem sums that were set beyond their capabilities. Some even broke down right after the examination.
My son is in a top class. Mentally strong and confident in mathematics, he returned shattered boy after the exam.
I immediately checked with friends and teachers from other classes and schools, and the same story was heard.
Although schools have been equipping pupils with the skills of applying mathematical concepts, many could not complete half or more of the problem sums.
Is there a huge gap between expectations and ability? In the mind of a child, he has either failed or done badly. With his confidence ripped by the mathematics paper,how can a child recover in less than 24 hours to face the next paper?
Tearing children apart mentally at a developmental stage snuffs out the joy of
learning. The Singapore Examinations and Assessment Board (SEAB) had previously said “the exams were a means to differentiate students of diverse abilities by setting questions of varying difficulty levels”.
It stated that an examination paper should be comparable in difficulty from one year to the next and “teachers know how to prepare their students for the examinations”.
SEAB also stated that different teams of experienced setters, moderators and examiners conduct several rounds of checking of each question and for the paper as a whole.
The fact different teams are involved is no consolation as it may be a systemic failure from pegging the paper at too high a standard.
For some parents and students, education is seen as a source of mental torture. All I ask is this: Please give the children of Singapore the confidence to face their future with a lion’s heart "
ROFL
Owned. It makes me wanna take a look at the paper. But seriously, the person that write in never heard of the divine word, moderation? Owned, seriously owned.
how can a child recover in less than 24 hours to face the next paper?
Hire an Alakazam then! recover heals HALF Hp!! woooTZzzXXXX
SEAB also stated that different teams of experienced setters, moderators and examiners conduct several rounds of checking of each question and for the paper as a whole.
Difficult questions aren't illegal questions.!
My son is in a top class. Mentally strong and confident in mathematics, he returned shattered boy after the exam.
Confidence is subjective. And mentally strong here proves a very sad case.
Tearing children apart mentally at a developmental stage snuffs out the joy of learning
Don't know how to do questions the most is tear the hair apart only. You don't get half-your-son after the examination. This ain't war dude.
I think like this than exciting what.
Some even broke down right after the examination.
Seriously. There are worst things than examinations.Crying over examinations is like teh stupidityzzzz. PWNED!
For some parents and students, education is seen as a source of mental torture. All I ask is this: Please give the children of Singapore the confidence to face their future with a lion’s heart "
Isn't this what they are doing?
Seriously. I really pity these parents AND children. Over-protected children. It is that big deal to die to a maths paper? I died to many, but im alive and kicking. Ask wen pu, was he shattered after any mathematics examination? No, even as he got an nonexistant score.
CRAP! I cancelled the installation at disc THREE.
Blunder Blunder.
"My son, a top student, returned home shattered after difficult PSLE maths paper
Letter from GUO WEIFU
THIS year’s PSLE mathematics paper has caused many students undeserved anguish. Their reactions, including that of the good and gifted ones, were one of despair and discouragement upon encountering problem sums that were set beyond their capabilities. Some even broke down right after the examination.
My son is in a top class. Mentally strong and confident in mathematics, he returned shattered boy after the exam.
I immediately checked with friends and teachers from other classes and schools, and the same story was heard.
Although schools have been equipping pupils with the skills of applying mathematical concepts, many could not complete half or more of the problem sums.
Is there a huge gap between expectations and ability? In the mind of a child, he has either failed or done badly. With his confidence ripped by the mathematics paper,how can a child recover in less than 24 hours to face the next paper?
Tearing children apart mentally at a developmental stage snuffs out the joy of
learning. The Singapore Examinations and Assessment Board (SEAB) had previously said “the exams were a means to differentiate students of diverse abilities by setting questions of varying difficulty levels”.
It stated that an examination paper should be comparable in difficulty from one year to the next and “teachers know how to prepare their students for the examinations”.
SEAB also stated that different teams of experienced setters, moderators and examiners conduct several rounds of checking of each question and for the paper as a whole.
The fact different teams are involved is no consolation as it may be a systemic failure from pegging the paper at too high a standard.
For some parents and students, education is seen as a source of mental torture. All I ask is this: Please give the children of Singapore the confidence to face their future with a lion’s heart "
ROFL
Owned. It makes me wanna take a look at the paper. But seriously, the person that write in never heard of the divine word, moderation? Owned, seriously owned.
how can a child recover in less than 24 hours to face the next paper?
Hire an Alakazam then! recover heals HALF Hp!! woooTZzzXXXX
SEAB also stated that different teams of experienced setters, moderators and examiners conduct several rounds of checking of each question and for the paper as a whole.
Difficult questions aren't illegal questions.!
My son is in a top class. Mentally strong and confident in mathematics, he returned shattered boy after the exam.
Confidence is subjective. And mentally strong here proves a very sad case.
Tearing children apart mentally at a developmental stage snuffs out the joy of learning
Don't know how to do questions the most is tear the hair apart only. You don't get half-your-son after the examination. This ain't war dude.
I think like this than exciting what.
Some even broke down right after the examination.
Seriously. There are worst things than examinations.Crying over examinations is like teh stupidityzzzz. PWNED!
For some parents and students, education is seen as a source of mental torture. All I ask is this: Please give the children of Singapore the confidence to face their future with a lion’s heart "
Isn't this what they are doing?
Seriously. I really pity these parents AND children. Over-protected children. It is that big deal to die to a maths paper? I died to many, but im alive and kicking. Ask wen pu, was he shattered after any mathematics examination? No, even as he got an nonexistant score.
School uh
Back to school today. Wednesday, saw the new timetable. Weird, weird. Today being the wierdest day of all. I mean, go school for what? Slack. 4 hours PW which was a "wait-in-line" styled consultation for I & R, pretty useless. I mean the time spent. Besides that 5 minutes of consulation, it was mainly 3 hours and 50 minutes of break. But I guess next week won't be like this anymore, because there is OP presentation.
Today I got caught twice for hair. I am contemplating whether to go school tommorow or not. Results will be out on 22nd October, which is really quite far away. Ssseesh. It's just like procastinating dooms day. To make matters worst, school had to organise a LECTURE to go through promo answers. Who will go, see all their mistakes they have made, and emo themselves.
I am seriously contemplating not going to school for all these 'lectures'. Friday will be a comfirm pon. Tommorow I'm not sure, since there's Chinese, and then Chinese Alevels are like coming? isn't it time to like work for it? I don't know...Pw and chinese, really gotta spoil the mood. but it keeps us slightly busy after promos...
wait, im not even doing anything...
Installing WoW now. and contemplating going out for badminton later. Running later at night. Wondering if I should pon all lessons except those with Pw and Chinese till 22nd october....
Today I got caught twice for hair. I am contemplating whether to go school tommorow or not. Results will be out on 22nd October, which is really quite far away. Ssseesh. It's just like procastinating dooms day. To make matters worst, school had to organise a LECTURE to go through promo answers. Who will go, see all their mistakes they have made, and emo themselves.
I am seriously contemplating not going to school for all these 'lectures'. Friday will be a comfirm pon. Tommorow I'm not sure, since there's Chinese, and then Chinese Alevels are like coming? isn't it time to like work for it? I don't know...Pw and chinese, really gotta spoil the mood. but it keeps us slightly busy after promos...
wait, im not even doing anything...
Installing WoW now. and contemplating going out for badminton later. Running later at night. Wondering if I should pon all lessons except those with Pw and Chinese till 22nd october....
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Morning
Skipped school today.
My brother is returning home exams-free today. So I have someone to party with. What shall I do now? Im not sure....>_<
Bad dreams and haunting memories. Nowadays I find myself hating to stay in bed while being halfawake (the usual lazy me..), I will spring up the moment I'm awake. I hate my wandering thoughts, my wandering emotions that gets me melancholic. It's bad for me.
One day ahead of me, it's still very early. I shall go for some piano.
My brother is returning home exams-free today. So I have someone to party with. What shall I do now? Im not sure....>_<
Bad dreams and haunting memories. Nowadays I find myself hating to stay in bed while being halfawake (the usual lazy me..), I will spring up the moment I'm awake. I hate my wandering thoughts, my wandering emotions that gets me melancholic. It's bad for me.
One day ahead of me, it's still very early. I shall go for some piano.
Monday, October 8, 2007
()_()
I dread today. But it's going to be over, very soon.
I just returned from Thailand mission trip meeting, which was quite refreshing and effective. Learnt many stuff as they discussed several issues (not going to list them though), played some 'ice-breakers', which was again, refreshing.
It just annoys me that I had to wait 45 minute in a bus stop for MY BUS (when there are like 3 buses out of the 7-8 that stop there which I can board), to arrive. One bus DAOED me completely, (maybe my fault for not flagging it..). And it also irritates me that my Chopin collection on my handphone could not beat the volume of the traffic, which again, futhur irritated me because I really wanted to let my mind rest upon the notes and the flow of something gentle, (like a waltz for example..). But instead, I decided to switch to louder ones like Flight of the Bumblebee which got me even FUTHUR agitated because the bus wouldn't come. And everything that comes is a bus that I cannot take. What unluckiness. Patience, I must learn.
It took me another 30 minutes to reach church.
Okay, Im not going to school tommorow for that social ettiquette and graces course. Where that bald speaker is going to talk about grooming and stuff. No way Im gonna listen to hairstyling from someone without hair, and no, im not going to get told to cut my hair. No! Never! I don't need social ettiquette and graces course because I am not going to be another byproduct of typical 'training'. Social ettiquete is about style, personality. You must have your own style. You don't follow rules! And I think most of them are more or less common sense, is just which one you have the discipline to follow. And who bothers about social ettiquete when everything is about perception. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, and manners lies in the eyes, of well. Maybe yourself? Ignorance is bliss, remember.
But I wonder how many people will turn out to be more graceful and mannered because of one talk. Pretty unhelpful don't you think? Probably for entertainment value, it's worth it.But effectiveness, I can't really be bothered. But if it's for it's entertainment value, nothing beats sleeping and rotting at home. I know there are other 'happening' stuff at school tommorow, but I am just going to stay home and chiong piano. I don't care.
And I probably have one more day of shortlived happiness before.....*ahem*. Probably. So enjoy it while I can. X_x
On the way back from school, as I walked that same canal path home. I thought of many things. In depth actually. Looks decieve and I am actually a deep thinker. (but I don't shoot missles, no pun intended..)....I need some time to organise my thoughts, involving stuff which I find rather cheem. (but maybe to literature-ist {whatever they are called}, and maybe engyianish people} it might not be that cheem). Before I do a post about what I was thinking about. Lets just take it as, as I was thinking of real random stuff.
Do you define maturity by what people do or what people think? We should judge maturity by what people think, not by what people do. And in that case, we cannot define whether the maturity of a person if we don't know what they are thinking. Sometimes, I believe not only looks can decieve, but even actions, behaviour and body lanquage. Maturity, I believe have many aspects to it. Social aspect, intellectual aspect etc....And people may be extremely developed in one aspect but lacks development in another aspect. Therefore, we cannot easily class people as 'mature' and 'childish'. The word maturity itself lacks definition in today's context. We overuse it along with it's degrees, (childishness). Because the most mature person may be a child inside. The child-like happy go like person may be extremely mature in his thoughts. It varies from person to person. It's not like an acidity test, there's no pH scale for maturity. It cannot be defined, and I think a person's maturity can probably fluctuate in different situations and circumstances.
So don't overuse words like 'maturity' and 'childishness'. When you're not even sure what it means. If you have any cheem and indepth views on maturity (not biologically), you may want tell me.
I sometimes find myself in an identity crisis. Where do I stand on the maturity scale? I find myself lost and vexed. My actions, definitely do not show any sense of maturty. The jokes I crack, the lameness, my rashness, all definitely are not signs of maturity but childishness. But sometimes I do find myself venturing into the depths of thoughts where normal people do not even reach. Maturity is hard to define, and even within yourself, you can't really come to a conclusion whether you, yourself is matured or not. And it's not up to others to decide as well, because they do not know your train of thoughts.
So once again, I find myself asking, "should maturity be defined by actions".
Should character be defined by actions?
Can maturity crumble under pressure?
I know I'm asking alot of rather rubbish, act cheem questions. Those are things I ask myslf. I find it difficult to answer. And probably, everyone has their own interpretation.
Are values a subset of character or it is the other way round?
Do values govern a person's character.
To people who are reading, if you think you have enough depth to answer these questions. (or critisize them), go ahead. I am looking for inputs. I am searching.
But again, on a serious note. Shallowness will not be tolerated.
That's all.
I just returned from Thailand mission trip meeting, which was quite refreshing and effective. Learnt many stuff as they discussed several issues (not going to list them though), played some 'ice-breakers', which was again, refreshing.
It just annoys me that I had to wait 45 minute in a bus stop for MY BUS (when there are like 3 buses out of the 7-8 that stop there which I can board), to arrive. One bus DAOED me completely, (maybe my fault for not flagging it..). And it also irritates me that my Chopin collection on my handphone could not beat the volume of the traffic, which again, futhur irritated me because I really wanted to let my mind rest upon the notes and the flow of something gentle, (like a waltz for example..). But instead, I decided to switch to louder ones like Flight of the Bumblebee which got me even FUTHUR agitated because the bus wouldn't come. And everything that comes is a bus that I cannot take. What unluckiness. Patience, I must learn.
It took me another 30 minutes to reach church.
Okay, Im not going to school tommorow for that social ettiquette and graces course. Where that bald speaker is going to talk about grooming and stuff. No way Im gonna listen to hairstyling from someone without hair, and no, im not going to get told to cut my hair. No! Never! I don't need social ettiquette and graces course because I am not going to be another byproduct of typical 'training'. Social ettiquete is about style, personality. You must have your own style. You don't follow rules! And I think most of them are more or less common sense, is just which one you have the discipline to follow. And who bothers about social ettiquete when everything is about perception. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, and manners lies in the eyes, of well. Maybe yourself? Ignorance is bliss, remember.
But I wonder how many people will turn out to be more graceful and mannered because of one talk. Pretty unhelpful don't you think? Probably for entertainment value, it's worth it.But effectiveness, I can't really be bothered. But if it's for it's entertainment value, nothing beats sleeping and rotting at home. I know there are other 'happening' stuff at school tommorow, but I am just going to stay home and chiong piano. I don't care.
And I probably have one more day of shortlived happiness before.....*ahem*. Probably. So enjoy it while I can. X_x
On the way back from school, as I walked that same canal path home. I thought of many things. In depth actually. Looks decieve and I am actually a deep thinker. (but I don't shoot missles, no pun intended..)....I need some time to organise my thoughts, involving stuff which I find rather cheem. (but maybe to literature-ist {whatever they are called}, and maybe engyianish people} it might not be that cheem). Before I do a post about what I was thinking about. Lets just take it as, as I was thinking of real random stuff.
Do you define maturity by what people do or what people think? We should judge maturity by what people think, not by what people do. And in that case, we cannot define whether the maturity of a person if we don't know what they are thinking. Sometimes, I believe not only looks can decieve, but even actions, behaviour and body lanquage. Maturity, I believe have many aspects to it. Social aspect, intellectual aspect etc....And people may be extremely developed in one aspect but lacks development in another aspect. Therefore, we cannot easily class people as 'mature' and 'childish'. The word maturity itself lacks definition in today's context. We overuse it along with it's degrees, (childishness). Because the most mature person may be a child inside. The child-like happy go like person may be extremely mature in his thoughts. It varies from person to person. It's not like an acidity test, there's no pH scale for maturity. It cannot be defined, and I think a person's maturity can probably fluctuate in different situations and circumstances.
So don't overuse words like 'maturity' and 'childishness'. When you're not even sure what it means. If you have any cheem and indepth views on maturity (not biologically), you may want tell me.
I sometimes find myself in an identity crisis. Where do I stand on the maturity scale? I find myself lost and vexed. My actions, definitely do not show any sense of maturty. The jokes I crack, the lameness, my rashness, all definitely are not signs of maturity but childishness. But sometimes I do find myself venturing into the depths of thoughts where normal people do not even reach. Maturity is hard to define, and even within yourself, you can't really come to a conclusion whether you, yourself is matured or not. And it's not up to others to decide as well, because they do not know your train of thoughts.
So once again, I find myself asking, "should maturity be defined by actions".
Should character be defined by actions?
Can maturity crumble under pressure?
I know I'm asking alot of rather rubbish, act cheem questions. Those are things I ask myslf. I find it difficult to answer. And probably, everyone has their own interpretation.
Are values a subset of character or it is the other way round?
Do values govern a person's character.
To people who are reading, if you think you have enough depth to answer these questions. (or critisize them), go ahead. I am looking for inputs. I am searching.
But again, on a serious note. Shallowness will not be tolerated.
That's all.
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