Singapore IDLE

Idle. Idle. Idle.

I find myself super idle nowadays. Not going to school equals, alot of time. alot of time with nothing to do equals idle, restlessness.

Yesterday went running at bp. Ran up a mountain bike track. Nature is really wonderful, the unique smell (really there were several scents which I smelt for the first time in my life). Late at night, it was a narrow path, dark and rocky. Cooling. Loved it.

Tried to write a novel yesterday. But it was critiqued quite harshly. Didn't have the heart to continue, the more I wrote, the more I disliked it. So Im stopping. I will never get down to write something in full.

I find myself on the piano for long hours but with alot of intervals. Im still on the 'black key waltz' of Piano Battle 1 of 不能说的秘密. Hope to complete it by this weekend. Contemplating if I should not go to school tommorow..

8pm is approaching soon. Friday again tommoow, I detest fridays. I detest friday evenings. There's this irreplacable void within me now. How much I miss going to Yf, how much I want to go, how much I miss the people there, I have to think of consequences. I cannot suffer from any relapse.

As for now, let me settle with piano. Let me dedicate all my time to the piano. It's so weird. I used to hate it soo much, hate it to the core when I was younger. Now it's like, I am so attached to it. It's just so contradicting, it's so ironic. It's like a joke played on me. How dependant am I on music and piano now. I don't know. I see myself improving like nuts. insane. compared to everyone, i am like a race car in a competition that is lagged behind by countless laps, it's time to go full force and met the backs of the others. especially, my brothers.

After finishing songs from 不能说的秘密, I shall go back and replay my Turkish march. That has been NEGLECTED for really a very long time

And then. My exams are on 3rd november (i think...) for theory.

Im finally not listening to classical but Jpop.

明日への扉