Today I made a startling discovery-time flies. (even without wings). Another lifeless day today, actually for a change I went for some badminton with Alan. Played for 3 hour plus till both of us were soaked like anything. I remember those days where people stopped viewing my blog because everything in my blog is about badminton. I used to be so badminton crazy, I used to be so passionate, now what has happened? perhaps, I too, cannot remain faithful to something which I thought would be part of my life forever. Where is that thrill? That thrill, that excitment, the racing beat of my heart. Everything effaced. All of them, all diminished into nothingness. Today, I stand as a social recreational player. (I wasn't that competitive anyway). What I am refering to is attitude. I don't take it serious anymore. I don't take it hard at all. I just want to relax and enjoy, and for the sake of excercise. Perhaps, this is what people mean by "erosion of time"...
Perhaps every fraction of our lives we will have something that is important. And when we look back we will laugh at our sillyness. (and you know I just had this urge to I-ised something!).
Ive lost count. Ive lost count of how many days, how many weeks, or months have passed. I know to evade deleterious consequences I have to be evasive.
I think losing count of the days is a good sign. Infact, I don't feel anything when I reflect back now. I feel nothing. To sum up, perhap it should be a blessing in disguise. Infact, it really is. Though I can't control my subconsicous inner being while I sleep, but during the day, I am back to the perfectly normal happy happy me. I never practiced the piano so much in my life before (till my hands go sore..), I never appreciated music so much. I never been closer to God in my life before, Ive made new friends, gotten to know more people. And most importantly, I have more time on my hands now. (though responsbilities are piling). I don't miss her anymore.
Perhaps, things, interests, hobbies and passions are more worthy of love than human beings.
And I wasn't digressing, it was to prove that even looking back at what happened months back, I feel silly. I laugh at myself.
But I know, life isn't getting easier. Life's gonna be tough. tougher.
Seriously, I always wonder who will ever ever read the emo sections of my post. I don't think it will make sense to any of you out there. I mean, seriously. (not in the literal sense), but there are few in this world who can understand me well. It is an irrefragable evidence of ignorance if you think you do. I am not dismissing that claim as impossible, because I know of people who do (well almost close to perfection). Even I am struggling to find out more about myself. All I know is I am impulsive, I am random, I am unpredictable.
" Don't try to claim my title of emo king " alan.
He told me that...LOL. or something along those lines. And it was so random, in the mrt.
I am probably suffering from some wierdish disease. I always get the urge to blog and I feel obliged to lengthen my posts even with meaningless emo postes (even though I am not exactly entirely feeling emo), because it sucks to preview my post and see such a short chunk of word. An arcane sense of satisfaction when I publish a long post.
At least for the time being, let me induldge in lazing around, and also working on those seemingly left hand wrecking Revolutionary Etude. It sucks, when you know you're never gonna play it perfect. It sucks, when you know you know you're not up to the mark to play it, yet there is this burning and undying passion to learn it. The sound of this etude is remarkably distinct. (even the first chord is like so "revolutionary-ish"). I'm still at the beginning stages of the piece, but all I can say I look forward to the day when I can play the entire thing decently. The sound of it, I can say is rather "depressing" yet "englightening". I find it's nature very conflicting, I don't know why. This is no official professional analysis of a song, it's just some random "my-gut-feeling" or emotions when I hear it. It's a very unique piece. honestly speaking. But still, I am determined not to abandon "rondo alla turca".
I don't know why. I have this mysterious fear for switches. The toilet in my mum's room, has this switch which short-circuits very frequently. And when one attempts to turn it on, one would feel a very "sensational, tinklish" feeling on one's fingers. An electric shock, well, a mild on. BUt not pleasant. A very unpleasant and displeasing feeling. I get this phobia of switches and I always close my eyes and hope it will not trip! Yucks.
Run out of crap to post. Cya later.
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