Morning again

Happy Children's Day!

Not!

Apparently I am not in school today and I have people in my house asking me if my school celebrates children's day!!! That's really some retarded guess. But anyway October 1 (right?) is someday with no value to me at all. At least for the past 6 years. They should at least extent children's day up to sec 4 or smth. But heck, that won't even bother me or anything.

Morning again. I wake up always not knowing what to do. Nothing interests me, Dota bore me. And the things that I usually get excitied by suddenly ceases to please me. Have I become void of happiness? I don't know, I don't get satisfaction easily like in the past. I live my life like a robot, I find it disturbingly difficult to be lame. I don't crack jokes easily, I force myself to smile. This is what I am now, as I aimlessly live by this few days of holidays.

I am severely unkempt. My hair is long, and very long for school standards. Infact, I believe it wasn't even that long last holidays. My ears are half covered and my fringe touches my nose. It's really a miracle how I can take exams in this state. I need a shave, I have my beard growing out and becoming more and more significant everyday. Is this what people call a state of depression? I look like a beggar damnit.

I dislike social gatherings. Clan's going to sentosa today and I refuse to go out along. The thought of stepping out of my house and enjoying myself freaks me out. I rather remain in solutitude and rot alone at home.Yesterday I spend my day indulging in music and piano. I played 5 hours the entire day which resulted in my palm and fingers becoming sore.

Slight minor stuff that use to irritate me now cease to irritate me. My neighbour (opposite) is trying to do some transformations to his house. And therefore explains the construction noise. (which can be hella irritating). I feel oblivious to these noise. They seem to be just mere accompliment to the noise within myself. Chaos. Yes, that is chaos, but since when have I known peace?

Holidays should be relaxing. Yet I am stumbled by not knowing what to do. I have lost my abiilty to do the very normal stuf I use to enjoy. I have tons to do, but none of them appeal to me anymore. But sentosa, is something I would never have gone, even if I was feeling hyper now. Because that is, WAY TOO FAR. even for a holiday.

Have i mentioned I don't like travelling? i am a HOME person. I do things AT home. the longest distance I would probably be willing to travel is about 45 minutes including walking to the bus stop and the bus stop to lot 1. I am impatient, I hate to wait.

Since Dota has lost it's appeal, I find great inertia in taking up my NDS and play, according to Jlam i am "too lazy to play". I find sit here, surf the net aiminglessly and induldge in the piano. Since my fingers are not sore anymore from a night's rest...I shall go for another round soon.
At least, at the very least I am doing something more *productive then Sentosa.

I don't like going out. I don't like crowds. Solitude gives me strength.