Seems like

I promised not to blog about it again. I promised not to induldge in the past. But yet, have I chanced upon the greatest nostrum of all? It happens that I once mentioned "event rejection". With this remedy, there is no need to glower at the rebarbative emotions and memories, especially memories. I can treat an incident as it never happened before. (Afterall, we ARE capable of maniupilating our own memories.). It's not forgetting, but taking something that existed, as it never existed.

But am I up to it?Impossible.Are we capable of doing so? I am inclinded to doubt that. If such a remedy existed.....that would be nice. What I have learnt is that relationships should be abstemious.But yet who am I to comment.

Well. Not a very long time ago I suffered from a relapse. A very bad one. I really regret going to Yf, I really regret. Don't tell me I should know my focus. Even if my focus was there, and I know what I am going Yf for, it's still going to be very awkward. My endurance isn't capacious enough, it ain't that big! I don't even want to chance upon her presense, and to me going to Yf is really an unthinkable moveunless I want to indulge in futhur pains and let it drag on. Now, I need a time out. But time out with nothing pleasant happening does not do much. With all these Pw going on, Results-getting-back SOON, there isn't any pleasant things to rest my mind upon. Everything I think of, is totally unpleasant, displeasing. Why don't I even have one nice thing to think about.

And I have to freaking cut my hair if I want to even hope of entering the school gates tommorow. Random

Though exams are over, and life is supposed to be carefree, why is my life so displeasing. Are perceptions that deceptive? Is it just my mindset? Am I being a naive, weak, ignorant, selfish, and noobized idiot here. There are people being imprisoned, or people without hands or legs, the handicapped, the terminally ill, widows, divorced couples around, and yet I am totally at wits end, suffering from the afterburn of a 3 month old relationship. If those people mentioned above are like water, they require alot heat and energy for a change in their temperature. So what am I then???? Helium? Why are people able to get hurt and be quiet about it. I know the famous "shut up move on" thing, but are most people able to really shut up and move on. Or do most people shut up and bear whatever they have within themselves? If so, I applaud them, they have a high latent heat then.

Now, more displeasing thoughts. Results. Well, I can say I am looking forward yet not looking forward to it. Someday I will still have to take it back. All I can say, I want to be promoted. I want. But yet, I cannot assure myself of that. That is the worst, it is likely I will be a downright borderline case, whether it is positively or negatively, I will know then, the fated tuesday afternoon. It isn't time to emo about results.

I have tons to emo about I don't even have enough time, and energy.

All I can say, I'm facing the hardest point of my life now. I have food, water and shelter, and God. And you can call me a weakling for that. My blog is querulous. I don't like to habitually complain or what you call that, "ranting" or "emoing", I'll just say I was "emoranting". (sounds nice?, and cool?). Whining, has never been forte but recently I find myself being surprisingly adept at it.

Perhaps the key here is not to be so self-centered.