S syndrome

GP-51% (D) {Should be around 65-70 percentile?)
Math-73% (A) {70th percentile}
Phy-43% (S) {not sure}
Chem-42% (S) {not sure}
Geog-41% (S) {50th percentile}

Scorebored-2-3
Average percentage : 50%

Not very pleasant. But just learnt an important lesson. When you aim to merely pass, you're gonna get a subpass. (as quoted from my wishlist on the right panel, "to pass upcoming test/exams without studying")

School was quite boring, but alot people got emo today. With a good deal of people failing GP and a majority failing their h1 content at U grades, and half the class failing chem and (maybe) physics, what is our school thinking? Do they seriously expect us to mug our brains dry in that one week of march holidays. Of course, some managed to ace a majority of their subjects, namely, Alan, Ming Jun etc.

I don't think I will get in any trouble with any authorities this time (namely, the principal, HOD), I think they will busy with those "u-tube" scorers (excess of Us). But afterall, Common test is not really worth a mention for a guage. It's merely a springboard (a minor one), a checkpoint towards the final boss. I think it's time I should be deciding what I want to do but my time in JC.

My results are quite bad, but I think they have alot of potential. I screwed many marks due to carelessness (ironically) in mathematical formula maniupilations in chemistry and physics (in other words, I could have gotten an E or a D if I had not shift the wrong stuff over the wrong side of the equation in pv=nrt {example} or maniupilate the circular motion,g-field equations). Why I say ironic, is because perhaps all that mathematical luck (or rather, mana), have been drained away by the maths paper.

Still, lets hope I don't get into any trouble this time.

And for some reason, my results seem alot "nicer" on the surface because of one A.

Bored

Decided to actually figure out how many words do I blog per month
(did this manually)

Month/ total words / words per day
Feb 2008 : 15564 / 518.8
Jan 2008 : 10736 / 357.8
Dec 2007: 6684 / 222.8
Nov 2007: 7815 / 260.5
Oct 2007: 20767 / 692.2 (highest)
Sep 2007: 10996 / 366.5
Aug 2007: 12908 / 420.3
July 2007: 10786 / 359.5
June 2007: 12447 / 414.9
May 2007: 14829 / 494.3

Average (in the last 10 months): 12353.2 words/month
Taking 30 days on average / month= 412 words/day

Note:December and November I was very busy, overseas as well as having camp and mission trip, thus low post count.

I almost blog 700 words per day last year's october!

Night

Saturday night.

The day was swift. I find myself having nothing particularly distinct to blog about. So even the humdrum nature of school life/anti-social life has diffused into the weekends.

I found myself sitting infront of the piano most of the time. Alternating 5 pieces (or rather 4 most of the time). I wonder what I am doing. Liszt trained technical work 4-5 hours a day for a fornight, a major factor to his virtuoso skills. Maybe I should do that as well.

Been a long time since I took a midnight walk. Tranquility is priceless. Chanced upon the sight of a full illuminated highway, along with the reflections from the canal, very beautiful sight. (this is probably the most Singapore can offer), but anyway. Something about that scene had me awestruck and something within me tells me I want to go see it again tonight. Logically, I cannot explain why am I feeling so bewildered. I want to go again tonight to see that "midnight highway"!. the only reason I can think of, is that I never noticed such a highway in my life until it was completely illuminated with light at night. (from cars and lamposts).

But my eyelids are heavy. I'm quite tired.

Im feeling guilty now. I took a cab and wasted 10 bucks when I could have taken a bus. Temptations, temptations. Augh.

Yesterday I had the most repelling conversation ever in my life. For the first time in my life, (probably), sympathy is overwhelming in excess.

I counted trees and found the highway. I can't believe such stuff make me excitied.

Level up!!

Friday!!

Didn't get back any other subjects nor papers today.

My gp grades leveled from E to D, (46 to 51). added 5% (2.5 marks on actual script upon 50). Quite funny that you can actually claim 2.5 marks. This is the first time I actually checked my paper with the marking scheme and even that alone I can find mistakes in awarding of marks / points to argue about and get my marks.

So my grades now stand at ADS. Won't be suprised if it's ADSUU
(rearange my grades, you'll get SAD -.- )

But anyway. Weekends are here and Im happy!

Rain is percussion.

merry go round

I spend ten minutes stoning infront of this cause I have no idea on what to title this post.

Okay, for starters. I failed physics. by 1 mark and a half (approx). I seem to be failing physics since secondary school all the way till now. perhaps I'm not really a guy but anyway, it's early but here are my results collected as for now.

A E S _ _

kills-deaths scoreboard
2-1

Bad sign, it abbreviates for Assumption english school -.-

GP-46% (E)
E for embarassing. I even believed I could get 60%. But my hopes was dashed when I screwed my AQ summary and vocab. On AQ-page, the teacher wrote "don't write what you like to write". or something along these lines.

Math-73% (A)
This is the bane of all my problems. My failing physics, my embarassing Gp grade. (concept of fair trade). but still, I'm just lucky I guess. And there was this "most improved students" page on the powerpoint slide in lecture, and I was on it. So funny!

Physics-43% (S)
I thought I could pass. I guess reading physics notes like a storybook is not good enough. Not to mention, you can't really read between the lines can you?

And btw. I'm not expecting anything more than an S for Geog and nothing more than an E for chem. Got 25/40 for chem mcq, so I can afford a little more mistakes (and BLANKS) on paper two.

I should start working a little harder somehow. I still find any reason nor discipline to push mysef beyond this slacky level. I wonder if I were hardworking, what kind of imbal grades I would achieve. Then I imagine that I savour the thought and then it's so ironic when I find myself sleeping in class the next lesson. It's not about a choice anymore. It's a habit that's stuck within me.

Finished watching Jdrama "long vacation" yesterday (finished 11 episodes in two school days), and now on to a new Jdrama, " Proposal Daisakusen", which has a really interesting plot. It's like, there's this guy who attends his childhood friend's wedding while still in love with her. The story depicts his sorry plight, and all his regrets as he thought he had an "eternity" to confess his feelings. When regret overwhelms, things don't turn out better but only worst as he is asked to make a speech about her on the marriage. And then, abruptly, an angel who inhabits the church used for the marriage appears before him, and offers him a chance to go back into time and change things which could have changed what that is happening before him.

And there was this phrase/s which I found quite meaningful.

Most people do not marry the person they truely love.
It might be the person that they love second most
but how do people even know who they love most? (or how is it even measured)
but one thing certain,
once you have made a decision to leave that person.
Then only will you find out if it's the person that you love the most
but by then it's too late.

Something along these lines, not exact (lazy to quote direct).

Sounds emo? maybe.

Anyway I'll just end here. I might wana watch another episode before I go to bed. And yucks, I don't wanna get back geog tommorow. the thought sickens me!

Blehhhhh

I'm tired, absolutely tired.

Totally tired.

Can I go sleep now?

(just for the sake of blogging)

Not in a good mood

I'm fatigued and sleepy at the same time. Two pronged attack. I need some sleep (all thanks to sleeping at 2am last night, I'm really a sleep-a-holic man). Not in a good mood.

Winter wind seems more like an etude for the brain to me.(so far) It burns my head trying to memorize the pattern.

School has been so-so. Ups and downs. Results been pleasant so far, though unexpected. Wait till I get everything, then I will post.

I love 1:30 days. But, tommorow's gonna be another headache day. Long lessons. Shrucks..

I have homework. But I don't wanna do. Sleep! Sleep!

=) and =( ????

I don't want to think unpleasant thoughts. I don't wanna remember things Im not supposed to remember.

And thanks to that, I have to drain myself completely before I can lie on my bed.

But it ain't that bad, I'm still watching drama :)

Looks like a sleepy day ahead in school tommorow!

For fun

Part 1: On The Outside
Name: Tay yi
D.O.B: 10/04/1990
Current Status: Single (is this what i supposed to be filled here)
Eye Colour: Eh I don't know
Hair Colour: Black
Righty Or Lefty: Right
Zodiac Sign: Aries

Part 2: On The Inside
Your Heritage: Singapore
Your Fears: Fear itself
Your Weaknesses: None

Part 3: Yesterday, Today, And Tomorrow
Your Thoughts 1st Waking Up: Yaye Holiday!
Your Bedtime: Usually, 10:30pm approx
Your Most Missed Memory: AHAHAHAHAHAHAAH you can't miss a memory.

Part 4: Your Pick
Pepsi Or Coke: Pepsi
MacDonald’s Or Burger King: Mac
Single Or Group Dates: Single
Adidas Or Nike: What?
Lipton Tea Or Nestea: Drinkables
Chocolate Or Vanilla: Choco
Cappuccino Or Coffee: Coffee

Part 5: Do You?
Smoke: Nope. I'm sane
Curse: No.
Drink: If not I won't be alive.

Part 6: In The Past Month
Drank Alcohol: I drank propanol so i'm pro!
Gone To The Mall: Yes, duh.
Been On Stage: Yeps. On an occasion or not on an occasion
Eaten Sushi: Just this afternoon
Dyed Hair: Noped. Thus, my hair is alive.

Part 7: Have You?
Played A Stripping Game: Nope.
Changed Who You Were To Fit In: Troublesome. (i'm introvert, remember?)

Part 8: What
Age Are You Hoping To Be Married:24?

Part 9: In A Guy Or A Girl
Best Guy/Girl Eye Colour: Black.
Hair Colour: Natural
Short Or Long Hair: I'm okay with anything

Part 10: What Were You Doing?
1 Minute Ago: . . . Wathing drama
1 Hour Ago: Lying on the bed staring at the ceiling
1 Month Ago: eh.-.-
1 Year Ago: eh-.-

Part 11: Complete The Sentence
Love: (molecules) is in the air [like real]
Feel: tired? Go sleep!
Hate: me? Go die!
Need: something to do? go fly kite

(why all four letter words=.=)

Part 12: Tag 5 People

Anyone who wants to do, just do. no deadly tag of doom this time round.

I don't wanna go back to school!

Well, the mini break just ended. The break lasted five days long, from thursday till monday. It was a post-'exam' reward, perhaps a compensation (rather neat one), for the time wasted on the march holidays itself trying to study for the exam. Initially, I didn't like all that extra time, but of course, afterawhile, I get too attached to all that free time and now, I'm not willing to let go. Sob, so tommorow it's the usual 7am waking up time and the usual 5pm-at-my-gate thing.

It's been a while since I went on my all out 'all-nighter' using com, surfing net, watching shows. It's a very nostalgic and enjoyable feeling. To stay out at night when everyone is fast asleep, the silence, the ambience, that nocturnal feeling, as you relentlessly watch shows episode by episode, series by series like an owl (maybe thats why owls have big eyes?) I experienced that yesterday after so long (or rather, today morning). It was because I took a nap on sunday afternoon, and found it impossible to enter sleep last night.

Trying to get over the "nodame cantabile" addiction, and now moving on to a new drama (ironically, an old one that dates back to errr, maybe at least 5 years ago. Im not very sure though). "Long vacation", thats what they call it. I'm merely at episode 3, so I'll save my comments for later.

And yes, I finished that live action series twice, the anime twice and the manga spanning 110 chapters all in this mini break. I'm otaku-rizing. Gyabon!!

It's been, drama, then piano, then drama. then repeat and rinse. Been on this cycle for the entire 4 days. Going nuts soon. Realising Ive been practicing real hard, like about 4-5 hours on average per day. Exam pieces, then my own pieces, then random play from my etude book. I don't know if I should gasp, or I should laugh, or I should start seriously discouraging myself but I'm picking up revolutionary etude (again), and winter wind. Gyabon!!! i'm gonna kill myself. But it doesn't hurt to try right. Again, the usual 'forbidden fruit' feeling. Either way I'm just trying for fun, I don't expect any hints of perfection in it anyway (or even close).

And then I spend my night watching the local drama. Well, I would say it's mainly to create the "contrast effect". Jdrama, Kdrama or for whatever matter, any other overseas drama can pwn our local drama series hands down. Perhaps, it's not even in the same leauge. Though I find it fun to indulge in stupidity in our local drama, there's something missing. Perhaps evident in Singaporean culture too. It's too unglam, too ugly. And too, shallow. Everything is so emprical, no depth. It tries very hard to depict reality but fails in an unrealistic manner(irony), and too much sterotyping and extreme characters (for those who watch, you can understand what I mean). Boos to local drama, though it was fun, and light-hearted. But it still lack substance. (which says alot about our culture).

Back to school tommorow. Aww and what time is it again tommorow? 3 plus. Mukyaa!!

Last post with Gyabon and Myuka. I should stop imitating people. Not to mention, fictional characters. -.-

Variations

I really have no idea what I'm going to blog about. Perhaps because this weekend has been really very boring for me. I mean, Ive been just being hopelessly sucked in into my recent addiction. the nodame cantabile live action drama, then the anime (watched both two times), then now-the manga spanning about 110 chapters long. Ahhhh, but it's really good. Listening to Brahm's Variations on a theme by Paginini Op 35 no 1 right onw. It's nice, infact, very nice.

Ive been feeling very emo lately. But I won't talk about it.

There's no school tommorow. Wee~,but guess life will be the same. Rotting at home, being a helpless otaku, reading manga (actually I'm mild already), playing the piano and stuff. Doing nothing but rot, rot, rot. Anyway school is starting on tuesday and I don't really think they're gonna give us a breather or something, more like pile us with work once we get back, so I have to enjoy while I can. It's good I guess, once in awhile, where you can sleep and slack peacefully.

One thing for sure, I realised I'm old. I'm going to be 18 in a couple of weeks/days. And thinking of how much time Ive wasted on everything.

Everything is still the same. I'm merely living a variation.

Last night

Suddenly as 'common test' come to an end, I find myself once again, lost in emptiness. Not like I have been studying but the last few nights were spent worrying about how to cram everything in my head in the next like few hours. I wake up usually not feeling very happy, first thoughts surge in, " die! today blah blah blah paper ". And then I reluctently get up, after defeating the contemplation of faking sick. Ah well. finally, I don't have to worry about dealing with exams unprepared anymore. I have a new problem. Emptiness.

I find it hard to let go of this current "nodame cantabile" addiction I'm going through. Few days ago, I finished the drama in two days (11 episodes + 4 hours of special), and then, today upon finishing examinations, I started watching the anime series. (which is 23 episodes long), and I covered the almost series. Well, it shocks me how identical both interpretations were, even certain scenes. I'm starting to remember the lines, and the phrases used at exact situation, in japanese and in subtitles. MAN! I'm going insane. mkyuaaa!

Been pretty lifeless today. Wonder if I will regain much of my sanity. My social life, again is terrible. It shocks me that I find it totally meaningless to interact. I don't go out anymore. My brother was asking me to order shirts over the net. And the first ever thing that I thought of was " don't go out buy shirt for what ". I feel as though I am going to sit home my entire life! And that one thought still amuses me right now as I think of it. Friends, the number of people whom I can comfortably get along with is not more than one hand right now. I've lost many friends, accquantainces in that one particular incident/phrase last year.

But I have came to a conclusion it's not about friends or having a clique to support you when you're down, it's about the void in my life now. Absolute meaninglessness accompanied by the 'wandering sensation' of not knowing where you're going. They can get increasingly addictive. You wake up, you sigh, you think, you emo, you contemplate things, think deeper. Then deep becomes not deep enough, you grab a spade and dig deeper and deeper. Then you sigh again thinking how much longer are you going to live in such a miserable life. Then you sigh. But unknowingly, there is this dark pleasure. Of secretly enjoying living a miserable life. The pessimistic people afterall, paradoxically probably gain pleasure from being pessimistic about life. Sadistic, but towards oneself. It's so strange. You can laugh at yourself, pity yourself, but in the end, derive pleasure from doing so.

I find myself so hard to please. During examination periods, I complain, whine, and sulk because I don't want to study. And once examinations cease, I complain because I have nothing to keep me from emo-ing.

Realised I haven't been interacting for a very long period of time. Haven't really talked to people. I remember those days when I was always on the phone. How was it then? To have someone to share your everyday life with, to talk about deeper issues in life, to crap, to just be there for each other. I find myself asking this question very frequently. Then I ask myself, is it better now like this? I become more reserved, conservative, learning to keep things to myself. Allowing myself to be a habitat to my ideas, concepts, thoughts and hopefully they will "grow" if I don't let them out.

There are times when I really hate this solitude. It's not the solitude and loneliness of being single. but the loneliness of being an introvert. but YET, there are times when I really enjoy this solitude. The feeling of being "alone", the feeling of intimacy with oneself. When you're alone, you get to talk to yourself alot, you get to ask yourself questions, and then answer them. You're constantly interviewing yourself and through that, you learn alot of things, and realise alot things.

It's rather late. I'm sleepy. And today chem paper was quite terrible for me. Blunders, blanks. And stuff along those negative lines. Pretty sloppy job on the paper because my correction tape died on me. It was the last paper, so the perseverence was there. My eyelids twitching, I'm feeling tired right now

Tommorow's a holiday. Wee! But it's not going to be long since school will ressume and then life will not be blissful anymore.

I used to believe people dream the future but will not be able to remember it. That is why certain scenes in your life can abruptly seem mystically familair.But why does one remember so vividly when he sees the past in his dream. And then wakes up in reality. Then the disparity strikes.

Memory

I'm tempted to post something emo. Because I happened to be reading some of my older posts, and got slightly emo. It seems memory have not been completed effaced. When I was reading, I could totally imagine how did it feel to type that post, even meaningless, filler posts, I could clearly remember what I was thinking when I wrote that. I can even tell you what comes next in a post several months back. Memory, is a gift perhaps? I remember reading a book "how our minds remembers", and it says that memory is an involuntary process most of the time, and unfortunately, we aren't really able to choose how our mind remembers.

I'm tempted to quote stuff that I have written but mainly because I am suffering from shortage of time as well as crazy influx of infomation in my brain right now, I shall resist. I use to think I have good memory. Well, I tried remembering my entire contact list. I tried not keeping a contact list so that I could remember everyone's numbers. I can remember the numbers of people I am even vaguely close to, that's if I call them often enough or make a slighest effort in taking a 2nd glance at the number. It ain't on purpose, totally involuntarily. Just like I said, I can remember things that happen in the past even tiny details.

That isn't really a good thing isn't it? because I believe me, as a pesismistic person, would tend to always subconsciously remember and recall bad stuff that happen to me. And when I recall, the pain and discomfort is definitely magnified because I tend to remember more, and more vividly whatever that has happened.

So a memory, has good points too right?

Perhaps. yes, but for me. My memory is just so happen to be not functioning for things it's supposed to be good at. For example, Chemistry.

As a seasoned last minute worker. I tried to memorize like ten equations, a hundred different paragraphs in a thick set of notes and understand a thousand things a sentence is trying to tell me, all within one night. It'm gonna have to say Im ain't feeling the 'kick', nor the so called, Adrenaline rush right now. Because all I want to do is to sleep. I thought of giving it up completely. But what happened to my last second bankai philosophy? So I got slightly guilty and decided to get back to work.

And how the heck do they expect you to memorize so much details. So many definitions, so many equations, so many reagents and conditions! And in such situations, my memory doesn't seem to be functioning the way it's supposed to be. I squeezed all my tollen, fehling, tri-iodo equations in my brain and what next? group 7 thiosulphates and chlorine with sodium hydroxide equations. Trust me, I am so sure that if I overstuff, I will get brain damage tommorow the moment I wake up. I will see STARS. * <-yes perhaps like this, distorted stars. (not honey stars on breakfast or whatever). It's like overeating, you get indisgestion. You overmemorize, you get oh well. I don't wanna imagine.

Oh well. the fact that I'm blogging now says that I'm doin fine. No. I still haven't touched some topics but I'm giving up completely.

Let's say Im just tired of all these. Having to study. And I'm totally reluctent to do last minute studying anymore. I'm tired from memorizing, I want to learn things naturally, not in a muggerious manner. My head doesn't have a usb port, and neither can it take a memory card!

And now the clock strikes 12. I'm seriously tired. 6 hours of examination today, and now attempting to swallow and digest all sorts of funny, retarded equations. Even 2,4 DNPH or benzene ring for what matter looks like an insane old man waving at me right now. I'm seeing things, definitely.

It's my first ever attempt studying late. And 12am is definitely deep midnight for me. I'm supposed to be asleep, hello! not studying! Well, that just proves one point. i'm very lazy. I am so uncustomed to studying, at all. And just one night till 12 midnight and Im ranting like the sky is falling.

Forget it, Ive given up.

Tommorow when I get home. It will be 6 hours on the piano. I just mustered enough courage to decide to try to perfect Presto Agitato. (aka, moonlight movement 3). Then along with it, scales, exampieces. Ahhh. yawn. Anyway, I'm looking forward to tommorow.

I'll go home and think. Ah, what do I study next.

Maybe I can study for the holiday paper tommorow.

The blue ink by the side of my pinky

School was loooonnnng today. or rather, the papers were LONNNNG. I think I served 6 hours of examination time today. physics went, well..., rather okay. With people like alan indirectly mocking the paper with his confidence. Oh well. geog was "fine", except the fact that was quite stoned to death by the litho question. (which was on weathering of granite). Oh cows, weathering!, granite! felt as if I'd never seen them in my life. Well, bullshitted through, hope I can pass, though unlikely. Really hate long gruelling examinations days. Where's my early dismissal. Not to mention, they crammed all 4 subjects into 3 short days. Dingdong, tmr's the last paper actually. Chemistry!

I'm not exactly fond of chemistry now. I use to think it was easier than math and phy. Now I have the entire nitrogen and protein chemistry to read through (and make sense of it since I know nothing about that chapter!!), along with chemical energetics and reaction kinetics which I stoned my way through in class. Now, now. What shall I do.

Sleep!

It's too early to be asleep!

Anyway, I have finally some inspiration in my head! wohoo, im feeling high because of it. yaye..

Thrown back into reality

I wonder if this is going to be an emo post. But perhaps not, bitter, but not entirely bitter.

Anyway, the past one and a half day. I have been living in another world. What world you may ask? I've been watching a drama, titled " Nodame Cantabile" live action on chrunchyroll. It seems I have chanced upon this series after having search for something to watch on one of my "study breaks" (which was supposed to span about 1-2 hours long at most). I spend yesterday's entire afternoon watching episodes 1-6. the late night finally hitting episode 10 {mind you, one episode is approx 50 minutes or more}. And I finally slept at 1:30am.

Sounds very perfect? Because the emo part is not here yet. I forgot to mention there was a math paper. Not that I forgot, but this series, Nodame Cantabile is too amazing that I cannot stop watching the next episode. Blame the directors who ends every episode with an abrupt cliffhanger which makes me go onto the next.

Anyway, the series is rather complex. I would say, highly stay away if you're not into what I am going to explain. This series, is about a very particularly outstanding handsome male student in a music academy's piano division. However his dream is to conduct at Europe alongside his ex-teacher whom he lived with in Europe when he was little. This dream could not materialise because he had developed a phobia for planes and the ocean because of various incidents that will be explored throughout the series. Alongside the male protagonist, his girlfriend (though the relationship gets really really undefined here and there), is a happy-go-lucky, playful, cheerful WEIRD girl who is his junior in the piano division. (and I found her character VERY amusing), though cute, but described as 'hentai'.

So male protagonist finds himself being a substitude conductor for his academy's substandard orchestra and is challenged to make it better than the school's main, prestigious orchestra. While being (annoyingly) supported by the female protagonist. In the later part as the story unfolds, his girlfriend goes through her own struggles with her piano as she takes part in some international competition to win the scholarship so she can follow her boyfriend to Europe.

Rather complex, I would avoid spoilers. But however, the more I write it seems that 1) no one would read what I have just written, 2) no one would bother watching. But to me, it's a great series with lots of classical music inside. A balance of different composers, there's schumman, schubert, beethoven, everyone, chopin, liszt, but a limited number of pieces from each. I guess the original creator of this series (it is adapted from a anime with the same title), has a balanced taste for all sorts of music. (unlike some shows which clearly favourited certain composers).

Anyway. Syndrome I am completed overwhelmed by right now is how to adapt back as quickly as possible to reality. Drama series, when watched in a very condensed period of time with high concentration and intensity can virtually suck you into THEIR world. You become so ATTACHED to the characters as though you're living a fantasy of living in the same world. And now I'm stuck there. The show ended, and I am feeling reluctent to come back. Guess, I'm still the little kid who cried when Barney series came to an end on television. (and yes that happened when I was little).

Ah yes, Math paper. I was feeling very guilty midnight. As I finished episode 9 at 1:30Am, I staggered down wondering what the hECK i'm doing because there's a math paper next morning and everyone knows i'm not good at math. Yes, I actually sweared I would sleep as early as 9:30 so as to gather enough rest and mind power for the paper. I also intended to revise a little vectors and integration in the afternoon which I spend deep inside lalalalaworld. But all this did not materialise. The entire night, I flipped here and there, wondering what would happen if I go to school look at the paper and not know how to do a single question. Would I regret? Perhaps. Not. I don't know. Then I start to feel guilty for not even thinking I would regret. Sometimes, my piorities are really strange, I enjoyed myself throughly yesterday, even at the wrong time, no matter how untimely it was.....If I had to redo my yesterday's afternoon. I think I would have picked the drama too. Impulse, that's what I am.

So the paper today went well. I guess. At least I could do some stuff and of course inevitably there were some questions which I don't know how to do. I think a pass should be fine. But it is so unthinkable that I could even think straight during the paper itself. I literally watched about 9 hours of drama the day before a math examination and I was supposed to be studying for it (because I haven't really done much math). Guess what.

I think. Coffee before I left house, saved me.

So today. History repeated itself. I came back, thinking I have only episode 10 and 11 to finish (a 11-episode series, fortunately). I was expecting to finish and leave the com by 3-4 noon. But guess what, I found some 4 hour continous "special-extension" episodes of the series. So things delayed, my time hogged and now I just ended by 4-5 hours spree. Finally, the series has come to an end.

And what do I see right infront of me? Physics, geog. WHAT the heck! I don't even feel like studying. My head is like swirling in pain cause of the head stress after overwatching. My back hurts too. And I just totally feel like going to sleep. (don't be surprised if I just go to bed after this).

Then, reality starts to sink in. I start to think. What am I even doing in a JC. Why am I learning chemistry, physics, maths. Right now, I like to think I'm having fun. I like learning new stuff but I don't like mindless stuff-vation of information into my brain. I like to learn things naturally, but not in a mugger-ious way. It's true I find science interesting, learning all the rather "more than average person's " knowledge about how things work, it makes you feel smarter than your friends in poly, or rather, your average working adult who probably thinks superposition is the position where superman is standing or whatever. But still. i have no drive to work hard, I do't even have the drive to do the minimal. When people are striving and slogging their brains out, I am sitting here, at moderate ease, and thinking if I should go to bed. My grades are borderline thanks to slacking around too much. I believe I am a great underachiever, achieving way too pathetically slow than what I should be getting. But yet, I was still conceited, still happy with my life.

I wonder when will the turning point come? 1 month before alevels. Too late? Thats what people told me with olevels, with psle. I also made it somehow with some miserably little pathetical effort in the end. I guess Ive grown too reliant on such last minute work that, I can't even study in normal conditions.

Then finally after much pondering, this question always pops in. What do I want to do in the future? Then I am left drowned in thousand and one question marks. Then I start wondering, will I even be able to achieve decent grades in Alevels. Yes? No? Then what if my last minute mugging efforts fail this time round? What if what the teachers say are true pertaining to last minute work in JC? Then what will I do?

Mind you, i wasn't sitting by the window watching the canal (and some people running) while thinking of all that. (talk about ambience!) It was partially all thought of while living in normal life. Walking downstairs, trying to take dinner, toileting. It was all subconscious "everyday" thought that came uninvited into my mind.
Then I sat by the piano. Then reminded by what Ive seen in the drama. Which clearly reflected lifes of full-time music students. I wondered.

What am I even playing the piano for? Why am I even getting excitied when I'm not going anywhere. Afterall, I am still the amateur of the amateur of the amateur who probably hasn't played more than one year, has almost zero experience in exams yet. And what? I'm attempting moonlight movement three? Don't joke tayyi. Seriously. Why not I just get down, and play my exam pieces to optimum standard? But wait, afterall. those pieces are just insigificant. There's just grade 6, and a primary 3 student will be able to play them with ease. And what? One of the pieces, the first movement of a Sonata Beethoven composed when he was TWELVE years old. I find myself in a conflicting struggle. Where am I? I am here, but I try to be there. I am not there, yet I want to think I'm there. Can I advance so fast. And so what even I do? What's my aims? I really have no idea.
Of course, come to think of it. My immediate aims would to do well in the exam, then proceed to grade 8. get out of this "uninteresting pieces" phrase and enter the new world of nicer pieces, more interesting, more demanding pieces.

Then here comes the emo talk. So what is actually grade 8. Even if I achieve it, and then proceed to take the diploma, and so what? Am I even going to be a teacher in the future? And even as I take diploma as I imagine I would probably only have a 'prized possession' of that few nice pieces at performance level. In the end, are those people who eat sleep by the piano there to encourage or discourage. Cause, inevitably, I am feeling totally crushed and discouraged. There's a limit a hobbyist can go. Like me, futhurmore, I don't even qualify as an amateur hobbyist. I can't even play Fantasie impromtu or any masterpieces at anywhere near decent level. (and probably such pieces to these full time musicians, are no-kick pieces)For now, I have to live and be merry with patience and it's pain, while I bear with all that insiginificant, "not that grand and interesting " pieces.

I think the crux of the problem lies in being too harsh and hard on myself. I don't like having dreams because by having dreams, one has to cope with the pain of not being able to realise a dream. Thats why I avoid having dreams. But as I watch Nodame Cantabile, I realise that is the lifestyle I want to live, that's the sort of life I want to live. Being forced to study music, play pieces, perform. That is what I think I want. But still, impulse is very evident in me. Just like how few years back I dreamt of being a pro-badminton player (which was so impossible). I have to keep in mind, what I want , will change. Change is constant. That is why everything changes, love, passion, interest. I don't even trust myself to the extent whereby I can follow the route I want because I know somehow things will work out different.

As I feel thrown back into reality. What can I do? As I think, as I dream of living in the world of Nodame cantabile. Studying music, learning, playing in an orchestra. If I had the skills, I might. But no, I am no where near. Not even worthy of dreaming. And so I am in school. Who am I? I'm a science student who isn't good at science. A science student who wants to do arts. Someone who choose science because he wants to understand how stuff work at surface level. Someone who thinks science has a future yet ironically unsure of the future. I feel so blur all of the sudden. How would things be different, if I was born in another country, in another culture. Where education, is not as emphasized, not as a draconian.

Perhaps all I am saying is because there's an exam tommorow and I'm not happy with it. There are times when I seriously start thinking of dropping out of JC and just leave my life trying to find what I want to do. But is there any space to entertain such foolish thoughts in Singapore. I bet it will make a good joke to my parents. For now, it's just learning what we don't want so we get to see and choose what we want, (hopefully, nicer, more exciting stuff). Just like piano, bear with all the pieces which aren't that nice, inorder to play something nicer in the future.I think after analysing the crux of the problem. The real problem, which has always been overlooked is the lack of patience. I always like to skip steps, I am lazy. Horribly lazy.

And then as education comes into my mind, followed by alevels and then NS. next year, I will be enrolling into NS (provided I don't get kicked back into J1 by this common test). NS is not nucleophilic substitution but in a way a robber of time.

Seriously. is there a way out of this frigging system. I was so emo yesterday that I thought of migrating. This ain't the life I want.

I wish I find what I want to do in the future soon. Because I am just another person being very unsatisfied with life in general. I find myself unable to even do the things I like because I know the limitations I have to face due to the limitations of time, resources, and perhaps even talent. And of course, even unhappier with having forced to do things I don't like to do. I find myself unable to fall in love again (i don't want to diverge into another realm of emoness). I find myself totally stale. Life is uninteresting.

And that is when you know, I have been watching too much drama.

And for goodness sake, how did I type so much rubbish. Sigh

Yoz

End of holidays.

Don't be jealous because I have one more day of holiday tommorow. No paper tommorow, because the econs people will be having theirs (I'm guessing). Anyway, wish me luck for common tests because I really need it.

Life has been really boring, lonely. I don't know how to describe this holiday. I've only been slacking, rotting, falling sick, trying to study. Hardly any interaction, any social form of interaction for that matter. Only met up with three people (namely, Alan, Jlam and Dexter) this holiday, and these three, excluding people from my family/home, are the only people whom I have interacted within this one week. But still, not like I have a 'life' to begin with.

Living such a horrid life, (though it's pretty calm and relaxing). Almost zero social interaction, and only meeting people so that you can actually get some motivation to study, and also, the bugging guilt after slacking for too long. I just hope everything that is happening now is happening for a good cause. I've even slacken in piano practice this week. Haven't really been playing much, I halted my Sonata and I have been leaping from Nocturne 9,2 to Pathetique's first page, and on and off pretty much every single random score I can find. Perhaps this is what you call an unorganized way to improve sight reading. This continued for many things, and even my 1 and a half hour sessions did not always end with the usual standard procedure of scales followed by exam pieces. I'm just sick of my exam pieces, and I'm even sick with the non-improving moonlight sonata which have been playing for two weeks.

I wanted to blog more this tme, but I am really running out of things to blog. I have totally no mood. Restless and bored.

And so the end is almost here

One week, just like that. Time teleports man.

This holiday wasn't much of a holiday. Especially when exams are right after it it doesn't really feel right slacking all the way. Even a true blue slacker like me finds it hard to slack entirely without feeling guilty. I have made studying attempts. (so say woah). So we're finally down to 2 days before the beginning of the first paper. And I'm not prepared for anything at all. >_<

Just came back from Macdonalds.

And ironically, I am awaiting Macdelivery at home right now.

And whose idea was it to order MACclaurin meal at macdonald.

Sleepy

Feeling sleepy right now. Very sleepy infact. I can't even stand straight. It's not that I'm tired. I slept about 12-13 hours last night and now I feel as if it's 12 midnight and I'm drowsy from fatigue. NO no no, Im sleepy, for no reason. Again. I just feel like dozing off on my chair now.

I suspect it's my flu. That is causing this drowsiness. This entire holidays have been the sick week for me. Since sunday till tuesday I was down with fever (extremely HIGH fever), and then I had to get caught in the torrential downpours on wednesday, resulting in me developing a COLD. I easily used up 3 entire boxes of tissue papers and numerous handkerchiefs over yesterday and wednesday. Killer. And now my running nose has sorta died down. Now what? they bringing the drowsiness in.

It's friday just like that. 7 days of holidays are over in an instant.

Now it's time for me to consider my options. After talking a whole load of bullshit, the main point was actually to sleep, or to go study. Both begins with an S but leds to very different paths indeed.

"Singaporean Horn Assemble" midnight performance

I was fuming mad yesterday night. Apparently there was a jam caused by Salamat checks behind my house, by the canal, and along Stagmont Ring (it leds to the causeway I assume). Late midnight, around 2am, impatient drivers were sounding their horns like no one's business. Anyone with common sense would know that the sound produced from a car's horn is not exactly soft Yet they nonchalently vent their anger by sounding the horns. As I was lying on my bed, tossing and turning and being very frustrated with the lack of ethnics from fellow Singaporeans (or malaysians waiting to go home), I started to wonder how amazingly stupid these people believing their unnessecarily spammage of soundwaves can cause the cars go move faster.

Retards. I'm not sure if any filed any complains about them, but I happen to be wide awake at 2am because of the noise pollution. You don't want to know how pissed I was with these people. A sleepy man is an angry man.

I can totally understand if construction works are going on which inevitably produce noise.But in this case again, another frustrating, sad, ugly side of human beings.

All for one bag

I went to town today to finally get my crumpler. Will post pictures soon. Got the "complete seed" (is this the model type?), got a red one. Slightly larger than what I wanted but the next size smaller would be too small since I intend to use this bag as a school bag and I want to have all my pe attire and half a year of notes all inside, I figured big is better than small in this case here.

Today's been not a very productive day I guess. Since I wasted so many hours out. I'm craving to play Nintendo DS right now and I haven't touch it for about one month plus since I lent it to yiwen. And now it's back! I wanna play, but thats provided I can find my charger. It is insanely impossible to find anything, I have to overturn piles of paper to even check whats on the surface of my bed.

Going to play badminton with Alan tommorow. And I need nitrogen compound notes!!! (=x) I realised that Chemistry department in PJC has the highest kiasu level. Math is okay, four huge chapters, that's also okay because it's a huge load off considering that evil stuff like differential equations and all the graphing techniques, ApGp are not included. Physics too, though considerably more topics than math but still, fair enough. But chemistry. They're asking for EVERYTHING. that's real kiasu.

But maybe, cause chem is the easiest out of those threes and the least of my worries.

I realised it's been about a month or slightly less since my com came back reformatted and I haven't installed bit torrent, which means I haven't been downloading anything.

Bleh. Im tired. Fever totally gone, headache nonexistant, relieved from random muscle aches. I'm on the expressway to recovery. But the star of the night, is..*drumrolls*, stomach ache.

I have alot of wind churning in my stomach, up down left right. (yes, TEMPEST in my stomach), and even after visiting the toilet many many times, the faint effects of an uneasy stomach is still present. Totally annoying. I'm just afraid that this will potentially evolve into a stomach flu. And don't remind me about stomach flu, just read my post right before promos last year and you'll realise the magnitude of damage caused by that sickening bug.

I guess the best way in this situation to assuage the pain here, is to go sleep.

Disparity in tranquility

Walk into my room. You'll inevitably notice a sharp disturbing difference in state of both the west and the east ends of my room, namely, my side of the room and my brother's side of the room. Before yesterday, everything was peaceful. Guess what caused all this pandemonium? Ans:An attempt to study.

Check out the state of my bed.


I sit right in the middle with all my notes around me. That's my circle of power. Of course, inevitably, I don't last very long on the bed. But that's the only place I can attemptto mug. Did I mention that I will spend about 5 minutes trying to find one piece of organic chemistry notes (especially when the entire series consist of so many different sets of notes), and then after that, my pen goes diving in my notes, then I'll have to find it. And while finding it, my foolscap paper goes for a swim. How chaotic. Of course, stuff toys and pillows are not part of the notes but they add to the fun. (:


An attempt to dig for physical geography notes, realising that my notes are all Unstapled and in no order, I have to find them, and sort them and that took a whopping 2 hours of my time. And that was time I actually allocated for myself to sit down and read something.


This is my brother's side of the room. Now, check out the difference.


UFO invasion!! Nah, it's just a tramboline, which can be some fun. Ive tried sleeping on it, reading notes on it, eating dinner on it. And of course, jumping on it.


And I thought I said I would post a pic of it sometime back, this little badge thing is not from a pokemon gym. it's from PJC. the top 50 cross country collar pin.


This is no 20 cent coin or it's doppelganger. (though there is striking resemblence). Some collar pin of no value, I was totally not hesistant in losing it. I can't find it anymore.


Last pic. This was drawn by Collin during geography lecture where both of us were paying nuts attention. So he decided to draw the "blue prints" of the third level of PJC. And look, the first class you can is our form class!!

Okay, enough of pictures. Pictures are always annoying to post, but I figured my blog looks too lengthy with the font size reduced, so pictures are here to make things seem more fun.

Anyway, it's tuesday. Approaching noon. Im feeling alot better and fortunately last night my temperature did not rollercoaster up to 39s and down again. I slept well, and I am very grateful for that. No temperature right now, but my muscles don't respond well still, (perhaps after being roasted continously for 2 days). I wanted to go play badminton today, but it's suicidal because I just recovered from a fever, and. I don't wanna die. (though I used to claim I play better when I have a fever). Those days of insane enthusiasm are over.

It's time to do something more productive.

Like sleep.

Drowsy, Giddy, and Slacky

I'm still feverish. But it's not that extreme anymore. (39.5 degrees last midnight). I wasted saturday rotting and sunday I went on to futhur waste time by falling severely sick. (so untimely sigh!). And for that, I have to adapt, and thus, I'm going to deploy a new tactic for this common test.

Right now, though I am supposed to really get down to study something. I don't think my current state of mind can absorb anything. Sighs. My parents were contemplating to send me to see a doctor last night because my temperature was soaring high and refused to go down even after medicine. but after persistently drugging myself, it fell, eventually. And I was HYPER at 4am last night, I think the only explaination is that my fever died down, plus, I slept the entire Sunday away.

I'm really restless. reluctent to do anything, and having intense giddyness engulfing my very faint hint of consciousness.

I cannot concentrate on anything. And I don't think it's my fault, right?

The life of a fireplace

Ever wondered what it feels like to be a fire place. It was raining and it was relatively cold. I lay totally motionless at one little corner and I felt so much like a fire place, as though keeping everyone warmth. Reason being, my temperature was soaring and fluctuating high at a range about 39 degrees. 39 degrees is very high for a coldblooded person like me. (trust me, even at 37, I start to feel discomfort). I burned at my mattress for many hours, burning burning burning. Then panadol helped to ease the pain.

As the medicine started to kick in, I felt better. But at the same time, it felt as if the medicine was just a psycological conspiracy to make me feel better. The medicine, coupled with psychological effects of taking medicine, were probably ganging up to assuage my pain. After 45 minutes (which is exactly the time predicted by my mum for the medicine to take effect), I start to feel totally unheated. I felt largely and relatively at ease.

Then I made a bet with my mum that the temperature has dropped to 37.5 degrees from high 38s. As I patiently waited for the thermometer to load the readings, I was sincerely thinking that the temperature will not be above 38. As I removed the clinical thermometer from my arms I gasped. Jaw dropping experience, 39.1 degrees. And to think I was feeling much better than previously!! I was taken aback and so was everyone in the room because I was starting to become talkative and my stomach having some signs of hunger (tell-tale signs of recovery). Our body doesn't read temperature very well I suppose, especially when it's half-haywire due to the burning heat from within.

Now as I sit and I type this, my temperature is fluctuating at a range of 37-38, which means I'm on the road of recovery. Or maybe not, fever is known to be cyclic in nature. I might be hitting 39s again after sometime. As for now, medicine is good, seriously. Bravo. Ive been rotting in the bed for many hours and I'm finally feeling quite satisfied just by sitting up straight. Fever is no joke, but thankfully, there's no bugging irritating sore throat. For that, I am very grateful. (usually the sick package for me usually comes with sore throat, whether I like it or not).

Fever makes me garrulous. Seriously.

Today will be practically speaking, a waste of time. An untimely sickness totally purge the intention of mugging. I am once again, left with 8 days, with lots to recover from. Before I begin sitting and stoning, admiring the new blogskin which I have, I have to get down to some piano. my teacher is coming soon, and I haven't really touched my exam pieces. Oh great. And I wonder if my finger muscles will respond accordingly since I have disobedient muscles and a terrible ache due to the fever.

And again, procastination settles in. And I will mug tommorow.

The ever-constant change

I didn't really like my previous skin so I decided to change it. Coupled with the fact that I actually finally get to play with photoshop (been wanting it for very long but just was not able to find the determination to find a pirate version :D). The so called "title-markers" on the left are really horribly done, sloppy work I guess since I was eager to rush to publish this new blogskin. Though I find this considerably nice and neat, I'm still unable to make a breakthrough mainly because all my layouts are usually based on the skeleton codes of the previous. It didn't take long to make this one, I would say 30 minutes at most (including experiementing) for the banner, and then another 10 minutes to upload them, and then the codes itself took about 30 minutes. A wellworth 1 hour spent. I guess I'm getting faster and faster. However, this time round, I actually had to troubleshoot, but why? I don't think anyone would be interested in the technical details.

Anyway, I added some music. For people who cannot appreciate them, just turn them off. But I picked the more "enjoyable" ones though.

As you can see, the frequency of posting is directly proportional to how much I like my current blog. If I'm relatively sick of the layout, you can say I would not really be keen on blogging but I still do to record siginificant events. In the previous layout //yoctosecond, even Imageshack started to "diminish" my graphics by having longer load times and sometimes not even showing the picture at all. I hope this doesn't happen to this layout. But still, Photoshop is really versatile, possibilities are thousand-fold now.

Just some background information about the theme of this skin. Tempest Sonata, is a Sonata of three movements in D minor composed by Beethoven. It is number 17 of the series of 32 Sonatas. (The first piece on the playlist is Tempest's first movement). Tempest wasn't the name orginally given by Beethoven by actually a biographer of Beethoven who was inspired by one of shakespeare's works "the tempest", and thus, the name. In my banner, blue represents peace, calmness and solitude, while the abrupt red in the middle depicts energy, sudden bursts of energy, anger. Emprically, I would guess that blue and red don't make a good combination together, (without forming purple), and purple itself, is really a provoking colour in many aspects. Well, but still, I'm a science student so I probably don't really deserve to talk about such artsy stuff.

Minimized the font size, if you need to squint, please drop a note and I'll do something about it.

And so, four days without blogging, where have I been?

And so the dice was cast and it tumbles, tumbles and hits the floor finally. Pointing to the sky was a D. That was the chinese Alevel results that I recieved on Friday. Not very pleasant, but decent. I was not expecting very much, afterall, I was mildy happy that finally national examinations are able to accurately derive a person's lanquage standard. I feel totally overrated for the b3 in olevels. Give me what I deserve and I'll be happy. Because I 1) hardly speak chinese 2) write egyptian in chinese compo. It is therefore more noble to recieve what you actually are, rather than mug up and "pretend" to be fluent in chinese composition. Thus, defeating the purpose. I'll admit defeat this time round. I had been taking chinese too lightly since primary school and I even passed up almost a blank paper for my psle's HMT paper. Though D doesn't sound or seem too nice, I'll be happy because I'm able to :D. Smile.

Friday was the longest wait ever in school. I was the least nervous, infact, it just felt as if we were getting some unimportant result. We had to wait from 9:30 to approximately 2:00Pm, now beat that. There were nothing we could do except rot. I feel totally overwhelmed that our school can actually waste their student's time when common tests are drawing nearer. One good example was wasting an entire afternoon on wednesday. and now, friday is also not spared. (though I don't think they had a choice on friday), but still, now I know who to blame if I flunk common tests. Ahh, for the fact that I wouldn't be studying even if I was at home.

March holidays are here, but it doesn't feel much like a holiday.

And friday night concluded with a gathering at wenying's house. A 4p3 gathering. It was a nostalgic experience because it's been such a long time since I've seen some people. Even considerably close friends like glenn. There weren't much to do, except twister (which I didn't really want to play), Watch tv, play cards, chat. The mahjong room was constantly hogged, but I don't think I know how to play Mahjong. (I always learn just to forget and then learn again and the cycle repeats.) Left at midnight and I was on the verge of collasping due to sleepiness. (afterall, it is way past my bedtime). And should I feel ashamed for sleeping at 10:30pm everynight?

But still, in my opinion, it felt as if we were all going back to class 4p3 the next day. And I'm guessing that that is a good thing?

I woke up sick today. And yes, I get sick pretty often. I get very mild cold, fever very regularly, I don't know why, but it seems to fade off pretty quickly as well. I'm on the 2nd hour after eating panadol and I'm feeling rather fine. (as long as I don't move too much).

Till next time. I think I have several new items in my house which is quite interesting. Will post pictures soon. And finally I'm going to get my own nocturne book later in the evening!

Enter March

Hey!, it's last week of term one. And it's March, (which is the third month for the year in the calender for those who don't know). Which means after this month, a quarter of the year have passed. 2008, has transcended into 2008.25 (6 sig figs woot?).

Career talk burned almost the entire afternoon. Thus I reached home rather tired and thus, no mood to do any work. I slacked, rotted, then chat over the phone the entire night. then some piano in between and now, i'm going to sleep. What a great way to waste wednesday. Actually even despite not doing much of my tutorials, and not really paying attention in lectures, surprisingly I feel quite confident for common test. Time is still plentiful. And certainly, this march holidays is the deciding factor to victory or defeat.

Digressing...

How noble is it to slog your brains out, and achieve nubbish grades when it only proves that you're dumb. Or is it worst to be intelligent, and do badly because of complacence? Why does our chem teacher is trying to bring across the point where the former is superior to the latter. especially when arrogance can be fixed and stupidity cant. I have alot more to say, but realising I might potentially shoot myself in the leg with my own bad grades, I shall wait for a safer ground to start speaking.

I am working on a new skin for my blog. I have decided to take my time, and finally do a brillant one. And since now I have photoshop. And boy, photoshop is so much more versatile than other graphic programs. And it was a thrilling experience to experience what it can offer and how much more it can do for you. What I realise is that you can't really make a nice, notable, applaud-inducing skin without a decent graphics program because there's a sad limit to HTML. And Photoshop actually does wonders. look forward to my new skin. Hopefully, it will not be only graphics, but also minor animations.

Friday will be the release of Alevel results. Well, all the best to all whom this may concern. Points to myself. It does concern me to a certain extent. I'm not sure if we are getting PW and Chinese on friday, but I know Chinese is rather certain. I don't even know what I can expect and what I am expecting of myself. Actually, I rather easygoing as far as chinese is concerned because I don't speak, write very well. Lets see if the grades will be 'value-added' or otherwise from Olevels.

Tommorow, practically speaking, will be the last official school day of term 1. I am so looking forward to the march holidays. But something is telling me I have to dedicate this break to academics.

The edit, and the Recoil

I decided that editing my post would be better than starting a complete new post considering that my older post was relatively short.

Trying a new tactic. Quality over quantity. Tried to rape my E-field notes and current notes in like 15 minutes and spend 30 minutes digessing the information. Total 45 minutes spent on two test. I'll see how well I'll do tmr.

Content from Approx 3 hours ago...


Again, I'm supposed to be studying for Electric Field & Current now. But currently (no pun intended), I am sitting here, rotting and examining the damage I have done to myself yesterday.

Spontaneously as I was in the same room as my brother, we started engaging in a "play-fight". Trying to out punch/kick each other with "deceptive moves". Failing to do so, and using my last resort, I tried using a kung-fu styled kick on him. (imagine if you can, using one leg to decieve and the other to kick, sort of like two legs in the air kind of motion). I never knew I was so inexperienced, or rather, my bro had so fast and quick reflexes. He manage to catch my leg, and then toss me onto the floor. 0.o I hurt my back in the process. Ouch. And it was do darn painful I could not move for awhile. It's still pain now, but no blue-black fortunately.

I almost could not walk today.

Thinking of what to do now. Considering my options

1) study E-field, and current (and having to consider the fact I can't find my E-field notes...
2) Continue writing my novel (yes, I am on chapter 4 now)
3) Piano (again)
4) Sleep
5) Emo
6) Complex numbers tutorial

I think I have no choice but to activate option #1.

Dizzy

Dizzy Dizzy. Feeling extremely dizzy now. Lack of sleep perhaps. I seriously wonder how I can sleep more than an average person and feel so tired every now and then. Perhaps, I'm sleepaholic. I need many many hours of sleep to be on the average activeness level.

I slept pretty much quite decently last night, but I'm quite sure I'm feeling extremely sleepy right now.

I didnt mug much yesterday (as planned). Me studying is just like a fish crawling on the land. It's so unnatural. But now (as a fish), I have to crawl a 100 metre race on land. How hideous is that. Afterall, mugging is a hideous crime (pardon the pun).

I have four subjects and several topics I know nuts about. (completely zero). It's either I find that 120% concentration button or I'm dead. The timer is ticking real fast. Ironically, I feel no pressure.

The given title "common test" is merely a subterfuge. A test is never a full paper spanning 2 hour plus plus plus. That's an examination! So label it right. Well, consequences aside, I would say I still, would be looking forward to relaxing period of time across days and between papers. And march holidays are coming up.

Plans plans plans. I still have many movies I want to watch. But seeing how one movie can use up an entire night, I think I should start slashing off the stuff on my to-watch-list. Afterall, I am moderately amused after watching "L" ytd and probably will not need another movie to keep me hyped for the next few weeks.

I have a full day ahead of me. (well almost).

And if I can't find that button, I'll just have to make it.

I guess I maybe I unknowingly like the thrill of stress of pressure. Without them, I can never even get down to my books. I'm taking things too lightly, and perhaps, there's this irking feeling that I'm seriously overestimating myself.

For the past few weeks, I have been living a physical life in school. Physically present, but mentally absent. The numbers of lectures I am half-awake in can be counted with one hand and the numbers of tutorials which I did not copy will not exceed three. And when I reach home, I hardly touch my bag. That sums up my situation right now. I love the pressure.

Hitting the fourth page of Moonlight Mvt 3. I'm so glad I didn't give up.

L for lol?

This was how I spend my saturday evening. I should be hiting the books, not the cinemas but any death note movie or relation is marked "must-see" for me.

If you intend to watch this, please refrain from reading beyond this point. (spoilers ahead)

Death Note, Spin off, Change the World-L. Indeed, is a long title, and only after watching this film I realised why they did not name it Death Note 3. Reason being-there have been almost zero appearance of the Death Notebooks, (besides them being tossed into fire and ryuk appearing once). Death note will not be death note anymore without the notebook (which was it's selling point concept). This however, results in this film becoming a spinoff, revolving about L.

Backtracking into time, (and a little history lesson), L wrote his name on the death note himself and scheduled himself to die 23 days later. It's main aim was to nulify anybody else from instananeously killing him, namely, Yagami Light, (also known as Kira). Thus, he was able to bring Yagami Light's crimes to light (pardon the pun). Therefore, winning the battle, at a great cost. However, note that this was the movie's own interetation, and the manga had it's own plot line which was world's apart.

Therefore, in this series, we see how L spends his last 23 days. As a babysitter, an action film star, a noble "save the world" hero. L finally abandons his calm, reserved self, and leaps into action. The plot of this story revolves around a virus, and it's vaccine. A very contagious, airborne influenza virus (which apparently is crossbreeded with something and something, didn't catch the details), which will kill a person. (approximately, the time taken is proportional to how much longer the person needs to be in the show for plot reasons).

The virus was created by a female professor going by the codename K. Which suggests she was trained under Watari in Wammy's orphange. Striving to make the world a better place, she teamed up with a group of ecologist (forgot their group name), who were ruthless. Apparently, they have planned to wipe out a large deal of the population inorder for a greater good (saving the Earth) using the virus. However, there were no antidotes to this virus. Thus preventing them from spreading the virus because they would not get immunity from it and die as well.

The story was rather complex, had many twist and turns, sudden appearance of characters. I tried summarizing the story but to no avail, it is simply too long or too long-winded. However, it was satisfactory.

L finds himself with two "kids", a girl and a boy. The boy, a mathematical genius, and the girl, the daughter of the professor who sacrificed himself to prevent the vaccine from getting into the wrong hands. The boy, was the key to solving the 'mystery' and the material for the vaccine. He had MK proteins (mikitine?) within him which granted him immunity to the virus (he was picked up from Thai village which was destroyed by the virus).

This is going to be a digress but the girl (acted by Mayukom Fukuda) was extremely charming and cute.

I was no large fan of L. But I found it extremely touching at the end points. When L told her to make tommorow a better day through the voice from the teddy bear, she smiled and said " You too". She was totally unaware that L was going to die in two days, and the tommorow L had was only one.

Also, in the last few days remanding for L, he had learn how to walk with his back straight and not hunch. We also see the emotional, justice-seeking, and passionate L.

To increase the impact, the next scene showed all the last things L did before he was ready to leave the world. He send the boy genius to Wammy's Orphanage and gave him the name "Near". (note, I do not really know how I feel about this, but N (near) was a character in the orginal manga that supposedly managed to pin Kira down after kira killed L). This thai boy was definitely smart and talented enough to be N. But I liked how L came up with the reason for the name. " So that you will always be Near when someone is saved", and "so you will be near to happiness". Though cheesy, but I found it very meaningful. It sort of explains, and brings me to actually remember the nostalgic of having the original Near (Nate River) as my favourite Death Note character. In this show, the talented young boy also had the "tin-like" robot which resembles alot the toy that Near liked to play in the original manga.

In a coconut shell ( I was told Nutshell was too cliche so), a great movie. Five stars for a spinoff, but lesser for a regular movie. I was no L fanboy, but I did like the character of L. (of course L for lol). He was funny, cute, charming. A very great character indeed. And of course, with such a greater character as a protagonist, this movie has to be great. A lighthearted at times, yet heavy when required to, movie. Indeed, one word, Balanced.

On the run

Now Singapore can film their own version of "prison break", (toilet break or detention centre break for that matter), based on it's own experience.

What do you think will happen if the bid for Youth Olymics happened after a terrorist leader escapes from our very own prison?

IMO, this breakout, I don't think it's a one man show. Michael scofield had his resources, and he had his fair share of help.

On the run now, and the Singaporean Police force can do nothing against one running limping man (however, I am skeptical to h9w his actually lame). But still. According to what I have heard, they mobilized a search only 4 hours after the escape. (don't you think somepeople are trying to protect their face more then the safety of the citizens here?). They searched 7-11s because they think an escaped convict would need food. Do you think his desperate to that extent for Air-con. There are tons of mama-shop papa-shops, hawker centres where by it is easy to get food without getting identified. And the best part is, there's no CCTV cameras. Why search CCTV cameras of 7-11, when they know he won't be there. Answer:just to appear to be doing something.

Well. It makes me wonder. How much of the story we recieve is the actual factual real stuff. Read our very own social studies textbook and you know how much propaganda is in it.

I just have lost faith in our very own police. Even during the Fox River escape, the police guards were hot on their heels, and the time lag was a matter of minutes. And in our case, it was HOURS. in four hours, how far could I get? If he had external help, he could easily get a wig, get a cap. And not to mention, the public did not know about the escape during that four hours.

Is this complacent behaviour of simply stupidity?

Since time is running out for me. (I actually promised myself to hit some books at 10AM). I am going to end my post here, prematurely.

And boy, why am I talking about Prison break, fox river and michael scofield, as if it really happened.

I miss prison break. Insanely. Please, do give us our season 4.