Memory

I'm tempted to post something emo. Because I happened to be reading some of my older posts, and got slightly emo. It seems memory have not been completed effaced. When I was reading, I could totally imagine how did it feel to type that post, even meaningless, filler posts, I could clearly remember what I was thinking when I wrote that. I can even tell you what comes next in a post several months back. Memory, is a gift perhaps? I remember reading a book "how our minds remembers", and it says that memory is an involuntary process most of the time, and unfortunately, we aren't really able to choose how our mind remembers.

I'm tempted to quote stuff that I have written but mainly because I am suffering from shortage of time as well as crazy influx of infomation in my brain right now, I shall resist. I use to think I have good memory. Well, I tried remembering my entire contact list. I tried not keeping a contact list so that I could remember everyone's numbers. I can remember the numbers of people I am even vaguely close to, that's if I call them often enough or make a slighest effort in taking a 2nd glance at the number. It ain't on purpose, totally involuntarily. Just like I said, I can remember things that happen in the past even tiny details.

That isn't really a good thing isn't it? because I believe me, as a pesismistic person, would tend to always subconsciously remember and recall bad stuff that happen to me. And when I recall, the pain and discomfort is definitely magnified because I tend to remember more, and more vividly whatever that has happened.

So a memory, has good points too right?

Perhaps. yes, but for me. My memory is just so happen to be not functioning for things it's supposed to be good at. For example, Chemistry.

As a seasoned last minute worker. I tried to memorize like ten equations, a hundred different paragraphs in a thick set of notes and understand a thousand things a sentence is trying to tell me, all within one night. It'm gonna have to say Im ain't feeling the 'kick', nor the so called, Adrenaline rush right now. Because all I want to do is to sleep. I thought of giving it up completely. But what happened to my last second bankai philosophy? So I got slightly guilty and decided to get back to work.

And how the heck do they expect you to memorize so much details. So many definitions, so many equations, so many reagents and conditions! And in such situations, my memory doesn't seem to be functioning the way it's supposed to be. I squeezed all my tollen, fehling, tri-iodo equations in my brain and what next? group 7 thiosulphates and chlorine with sodium hydroxide equations. Trust me, I am so sure that if I overstuff, I will get brain damage tommorow the moment I wake up. I will see STARS. * <-yes perhaps like this, distorted stars. (not honey stars on breakfast or whatever). It's like overeating, you get indisgestion. You overmemorize, you get oh well. I don't wanna imagine.

Oh well. the fact that I'm blogging now says that I'm doin fine. No. I still haven't touched some topics but I'm giving up completely.

Let's say Im just tired of all these. Having to study. And I'm totally reluctent to do last minute studying anymore. I'm tired from memorizing, I want to learn things naturally, not in a muggerious manner. My head doesn't have a usb port, and neither can it take a memory card!

And now the clock strikes 12. I'm seriously tired. 6 hours of examination today, and now attempting to swallow and digest all sorts of funny, retarded equations. Even 2,4 DNPH or benzene ring for what matter looks like an insane old man waving at me right now. I'm seeing things, definitely.

It's my first ever attempt studying late. And 12am is definitely deep midnight for me. I'm supposed to be asleep, hello! not studying! Well, that just proves one point. i'm very lazy. I am so uncustomed to studying, at all. And just one night till 12 midnight and Im ranting like the sky is falling.

Forget it, Ive given up.

Tommorow when I get home. It will be 6 hours on the piano. I just mustered enough courage to decide to try to perfect Presto Agitato. (aka, moonlight movement 3). Then along with it, scales, exampieces. Ahhh. yawn. Anyway, I'm looking forward to tommorow.

I'll go home and think. Ah, what do I study next.

Maybe I can study for the holiday paper tommorow.