When guilt settles in

Just had a cross country run to malaysia[and to think that was what I always thought Cross country runs were about). It was a run spanning 4.2Km. It was not a simple, run at your own pace thing, it was infact, a race. A competitive race where people battle out for the top 100 positions to secure a chance to place their "rank number ticket" into their house boxes inorder to earn points for their houses. I'm not sure how the point ranking system goes, but overall, Polo house came in first. (my house).

The run itself was a disappointing one for me. I came in 46th for J2 cohort, which actually qualified me to earn the top 50 collar pin (which I doubt has much use unless you can actually wear it in replacement of the school's normal collar pin). Joshua came in 37th, and then Halim at 20th and Ming Jun at 14th. All the people whom I could beat last year and now I'm totally being overwhelmed, pwned by them, completely. I asked around, people from Bp's 4p3, yong yao asked me what happened to me. I didn't know how to respond. I'm not sure about what others are expecting from me, neither do I know what I expect from myself. And as I have blogged about before, the declining stamina from someone who has quit sport is inevitable. Then sometimes it makes me wonder if I could attain a top 20 if I this run was held last year, or infact, the year before last year. I wanted to know, because I know I have been nerfed after this long hiatus from any intensive sports. All I know is that it's going to go downhill from here. I'm not going to spend any time and effort buffing myself up again, (stamina-wise), and I'm not going back into badminton just for this.

Of course, some people are really good, really imbal. I wonder what they eat. (as the usual typical saying goes). Being involved in a sports cca really makes a big difference I guess.

Anyway. There's two weeks to common test. I'm a complete nubbie at complex numbers, I have last year's work to catch up and this year work to learn. And just if you're wondering, I don't intend to let myself die. So it's time to bankai.

That means I'll have to cut down on piano, and the lately-becoming-very-frequent-dota.

Just another wednesday

Wednesday. Midweek afternoon. I love wednesdays because we get to go home early.

SPA was the main event of the day. Chemistry SPA to be exact. Skill C,D. I would say this would be the best SPA ever for both physics and chemistry because mainly you don't have to do the experiment (and which I would actually consider this pseudo practical, but whatever..). The report ain't as tedious as physic's Just some minor calculations, and error discussion which took 30 minutes at normal pace. By the 45 minute mark, I was almost done with everything, the entire report. I sat there stoning, wondering how I should spend the remainding time. This is so imbalance, I remember how easy it was to run out of time in previous SPA exams.
It was just so slack I couldn't believe it.

Two hour of physics practical followed. This time we get to play with electricity!! but it was just another CD experiment in disguise. (a nice subterfuge, but the toys did actually distract us a little). Still, I found myself on another spree of careless retarded uncalled for mistakes, namely " take a coordinate from your best fit line and another from your extreme line and calculate the gradient". Woah? Yes, that is what you get for drawing two "big triangles' that intersect at a point which made me "trace the triangle" wrongly into the wrong coordinate. Screwed my entire calculations! But it was fortunate in the sense that I manage to withhold the profusing bleeding carelessness aura until the end of chem spa (which was definitely more important).

Nothing really much to blog about today. Really ZZZ in the middle of a week. common tests are drawing closer and i'm getting slackier everyday.

Not exactly blue.

Monday, blue.

There's no bluetooth, no blu-ray, no blu-tag, no blue's clues. But monday is just blue.

Had 'beep test' today during PE(or was it peep test?). Ohm, it's like the first test that doesn't use a pen after so long. It was a test whereby you have to cover 20 metres before the beep beeps. There are levels which progressively get alot harder, (whereby the maximum was level 16)which coincidently is the level where dota heroes get their ultimate the beep gets faster (way faster). I reached level 8.7/16, which is considerably half. I am assume the difficulty gets exponentially harder as the levels rise. I was going too fast at the beginning, and the next time round, I will resolve to hit level 10+, mark my words. Futhurmore, my stamina has plummeted (sometimes, you can't always blame gravity though), since last year and the year before. Back then, it was 8 sessions of badminton/week, and now, it has been reduced to once in a blue blue moon. Not even active in sports, I shouldn't really expect stamina to be something that stays constant. It's not an "achieve and forget". The crux of the problem lies with maintainance and everyone knows it's absolutely difficult to maintain stamina when you're not actively participating in sports (or for that matter, is sick of the only sport you know how to play). Perhaps regaining is as hard as gaining,(and I prefer to use the analogy of it disintegrated but not misplaced) but still, I will resolve to get back at least 20% more of what I am right now. For I find it disturbingly unsatisfactory.

And I believe it is alarmingly evident that I have slowed down significantly this year in PE. I think this is due to me ponning PE too many times. Though I still perform slightly better than average (I assume), it's hard to think like the past and act like the present. How many times have I felt I could run faster than my body could when I refused to believe it has deproved insanely.

Of course, the BEEP test is a very fun alternative to running circuits. (though seriously I wonder if the circular ends of the circuit actually helps to give one additional acceleration?). I find it a very suitable approach, instead of the boring 2.4 (which I used to be adept in). BEEP test can replace 2.4, it can be done, together with the other five stations, it's fun, challenging, and more importantly, not repetitive.

A nice three paragraphs on this nice little digress.

I would say 1.5 hours break on school is extremely extravagent on the school's part. (if you could sense some sarcasm). I'd say they remove half of ALL gp lessons and replace them with breaks. This will boost productively, and I can assure that. Today's break was in the too early part of the day whereby it made the rest of the day feel sluggish. It's like you go to school, get too used to the lazing around part, and then you are bombarded with lessons. I'm not complaining, but just stating the nature of consequences of a long break that sets in too early in the day. It make me not feel like attending the other lessons.

I realise I am a person that cannot pay attention in lectures. I find myself "thinking lame", or if not, having a nodding head with a constant tempo (aka, on the pathway to dreamland). Lectures, are definitly not productive when you can't see beyond a 2 metre radius of your current position. That is how I suffered today. Of course, I have no one to blame except me and my haste. I was literally on the verge of being late for school, I had to switch bags because my existing one is broken and I don't want any leaking object ticker taping along as I walk. I forgot to switch my glasses over and that screwed my entire day. Of course, I treated every lesson like listening comprehension.

I think Reaction Kinetics is a very nettlesome topic. It's relatively easy, however, the graph drawing is insanely troublesome. How many people would actually get up from their seat (while on a constant, well-paced, well-tempered studying spree) to get graph paper. In my case, this will screw my pace, my so called "discipline", it will stray me away from my homework. And just to get graph paper. Trust me cher, I didn't do the graphs because once I get out of my seat, there's no turning back.

That roughly concludes school for today.

Stuff I want to do tonight.

1. Work on piano
2. Vectors.
3. Create a new blogskin
4. Play some dota (got a craving)
5. Sleep early
6. Compose

Seems quite impossible. (3 being the most impossible). I'll be interested to see how much I will do, and which matters will get my piority. Though I have an irking feeling that it will never be vectors.

Subterfuge of an inspiration

Jlam has sorta, unofficially came up with his first piano solo, titled Op 1 (or actually, it's untitled). And I find myself always not being able to come up with anything. I'm always facing with the subterfuge of an inspiration. I always find myself spotting that door that reads : inspiration, open and pick me up, but always when I opens, all I am greated with is nothing but a false alarm. It bugs me, totally depresses me to even ponder on when will true inspiration strike me. And I have lots of crushed manuscript paper lying around...

My best attempt was a two page composition on paper-and-pen, which sounded quite decent (In my perspective), for a "first few tries". I have several bits and pieces of sounds, melodies in my head, but I don't know how to string them together. The crux of the problem lies not with not knowing how to do this and how not to do that, but how to come up with something that I myself will find pleasurable to listen. Nothing comes close. Maybe I have a fussy ear, but anyway. Somehow, it just occurs to me that I will stumble across some random inspiration soon.

It's been a long time since I opened my school bag at home, grabbed a pen and went on a frenzy. I found it totally disgusting, shocking that I lost half of my Vectors 3 tutorial (must have been blown away by the wind in school!!). I redid, till where I previously last stop. Did some chemistry and that was my late afternoon. Old habits die hard, and I was down by the scheduled 2pm by 2 hours. I started work at 4, ending at 6. (which is like a miserable 2 hours, over the entire weekend).

And I was not joking about the wind blowing my papers away.

I sit beside the window in class, and more often than not, I have natural wind, accompanied by an unnessecarily excess number of fans in the class blowing towards me. Fans are good, they make you feel lively lovely and cool on a hot afternoon, but on a windy morning, they do nothing but help to blow your tutorials away. It is not only once or twice, but almost everytime it isn't unwindy, I have to use my hands to keep my papers down if I don't want them flying out of the window or under the table. This is wind abuse!

Since I am complaining about all the small, nitty gritty details which real men shouldn't be complaining about. I will once again, start grinding at the new frontiers labelled "callow and stupid rants". First up, the toilets in school. We have auto-light sensors that detect people and turn lights on-off accordingly. However, these sensors are probably fitted at the entrance of the toilet to detect human beings. So what happens if you happened to be answering a 5 minute chat on your "nature's phone" at the deepest cubicle.

You get night time before you know it. The exhaust switches off, along with the lights.

Nothing worth complaining about, but I thought it deserves at least a mention.

I ain't a businessman, I don't do business in school for leisure, but sometimes. when it does happen, and the lights turn it's back on you, it gets quite frustrating. But of couse, everyone learns to deal with it. If everyone is cool with it, I'll be too.

(just to let people who haven't done business in school know).

Once again, I may have just ran out of things to say. School's gonna be great tommorow. 1 and a half hours break is something I will look forward to. Wee

Syndrome Number 2

I realise, something I have been guilty of doing without even realizing it. I will name it Syndrome #2.

Syndrome #2 is a state/series of actions whereby one will subconsciously try to stir up emotional thoughts, arousing the emo-demon from within.Purpose? Just to give oneself an excuse not to do homework. Very often, one will find oneself saying 'hey emo people can't concentrate on homework, so must as well don't do".

Perhaps, feeling sad and emo, is still better than doing homework huh.

It's time I label all my states, classify all my emotions, syndromes or whatever moods I am feeling. Feels like a study of myself and my own emotions. Weird. I must have nothing better to do.

And yesterday, I was suffering from what I will label, Syndrome #1.

Syndrome #1 is a state/series of actions whereby one will subconsciously desperately try to find even the most meaningless thing (and trying to think it's meaningful), dig out tons of stuff to do, just to be occupied and have no time for homework, just to avoid doing homework. Favourite quote for this syndrome is, " I'll do it when I finish this". And that's when the next meaningless thing crops up and then, repeat and rinse.

You see, I probably have thousand and one syndromes to prevent me from doing homework.

Since we're on definitions.

TY's 1st law states that any two words, that sounds the same or bear similiar pronunciation can be used interchangebly at standard conditions of 298K and 1ATM.

Woah, that's totally lame.

I totally hate my hands, they're soooo small. I will never be able to hit optimal speed at this rate. Time to seek some advice.

And possibly, I will need to do some work today. Syndrome #3, will be expected to set around around 2pm. approx.

Syndrome #3 is a subconscious series of actions caused primarily and mainly by guilt. At a situation when no work has been completed over a period of time. This results in immense guilt as a driving force for oneself to actually go and complete some work, just to ease the guilt. This syndrome lasts as long as one takes the complete a certain amount of work.

Some people, like Alan perhaps, possibly suffer from Perma-Syndrome #3.

And blogging, is actually (though may vary) a cross between Syndrome 1 and 2. (Syndrome 1.5 perhaps?).

Let me list down what I have actually been doing yesterday.
All the misc stuff that have amounted to lots of time wasted.
1) Reading people's blog (again and again)
2) Was reading jokes for almost 2 hours.
3) 'nothingness in E minor' again on the piano (which amounts to nothing accomplished putting it bluntly)
4) Blogging, unnesecarily.
5) Staring out at the window
6) Watching prison break season ONE again.

Now. Time management talk last week tells us to find out how our time is being used.(or wasted for that matter). I don't need any skills in time management, what I need are vaccines for the deadly syndromes that overwhelm me on weekends....

Well, I would like to end of with a quote.

A wise man said this.

Everyone is given 24 hours in life. And if you want more, it's simple. Just don't do your homework.

~tayyi.

An attempt, actually, more than that

Restlessness proved fatally nettlesome for me, especially on such a hot warm saturday afternoon. It was this "turn-back" syndrome that turned it's back on me once again (pardon the pun). Initially, I planned to do some work but in the end, all I did was to sit around the entire day. I have not even yet, attempted to find my school bag (which is probably lying somewhere downstairs). The "no touch school bag" syndrome has been rampant over the past few weeks, whereby I do not even touch my bag when I go home. I leave the papers in there, and then grab the same bag to school. Nothing changed. Not the position of my papers, and neither, (and most importantly), the empty sheets of foolscap paper whereby homework has to be done on. I wonder how long more will all this negative energies of restlessness will reside in me.

Bed time is drawing close. Will I end my day like this? Or will I turn the tide by pulling Vectors 3 out of my bag and go on a frenzy. (and, evident as it is, Ive not even completed vectors part 3. I'm living with dinosaurs woohoo). However, that has a very slim chance of happening, because 1) I happen to be adept at procastination, (diploma in advanced procastination), 2) I have to finish this blog post. 3) I have other matters which I will more inclined towards. After all, I am a neophyte at discipline, which I will forever remain at that state. Well, there's always tommorow and I have just proven my earlier point.

I have many movies I want to watch right now. But there's seriously no one to company me to the cinemas. My brother is totally nonchalent, (he doesn't really want to watch what I want to watch). I haven't really tried asking, but heck, it's usually quite spontaneous. Right now, as I am self-confined in solitude, I wonder if I really have to resort to go to the cinema myself. The few titles I want to watch are 1) Change the World (L), a death note spinoff, 2) Kung Fu Dunk (which seems interesting, I may find myself quite intrigued by Jay's films), 3) The jumper ( I have no idea why I want to watch it anyway), 4) PS:Iloveyou (heard it's touching, and nice), 5) the leap year (and this one, again, seems emo to me.)

Now I have 5 movies on my "to-watch list", and virtually no time, no company, and no money. What kind of world is this. So if anyone of you are going to watch these movies, please kindly call me along. Because I will APPRECIATE it very greatly. and of course, though I make it sound as if I am free 24/7, I am not. I do have stuff to attend to, do, and accomplish.

The third movement of Moonlight sonata. I've spend today on it and I'm done with one page. Still going slowly (though I consider one page/day is considered rather fast-paced). Sometimes, as you work out the notes of a piece, you will never imagine yourself to be able to play it so fluently eventually. Just like when I was learning secret and it's piano battles, (I seriously thought I would play it slow forever). You would never imagine yourself playing it so fast, while being so familiar to it. Im living in hopes that someday I will be abe to play it at optimal speed. To be honest, I was on the verge of giving up when my fingers start getting sore (especially the fourth finger). It's not the toughest, because I believe mechanical practice on the piano is just like sports. You have to give your body enough time to adjust, and memorize the physical details involved and someday it will listen to your command. (and who said fingers aren't part of our bodies?). However, what led me to actually give up completely on Fantasie impromtu is the nettlesome timing, 3v2 is really something I cannot handle at where I am right now. As Ive heard before, "most people give up right before they are about to succeed". This movement here, is like everest (proportional to my standard right now), however, I do not want to discourage myself futhur. It's my fight, it's my battle against this 15 page long (approx) movement.

There is impulse, impatience overwhelming me. I really regret halting piano like ages ago(I was really a lazy, uninterested student back then). And now when I just got back for about almost a year, sometimes I do feel grateful that I was allowed a '2nd chance' because I progressed fast enough to reach a stage where it isn't really embarassed to be in. I just want to make up for lost time. Everyone is telling me I'm talented, I just need that extra hardwork to convert it into something tangible. Something which can be felt, can be seen. I am not satisfied easily. I want to reach my Everest, I want to conquer new grounds, I want to accomplish what I could have accomplished in those lost years in several months. Impossible as it seems, I want to be better than what I was yesterday.

And till today, my parents still laugh about how I used to hide in toilets to avoid piano lessons when I was younger. I practiced nuts. And just now I happened to find the pieces I was playing back then. And boy, I was badly shocked. I can easily sight read those pieces right now. Today, it still seems like a miracle. And I believe the interest, is a gift, and it's a link that connects me and my brothers, all together, just like a chain.

And my fingers are sore.

Do anything you can find, except homework.

1. How old will you be in 3 birthdays?
- 17+3=20

2. Do you think you'll be married by
then?
- Nope, I'll just be out of the army, hopefully

3. What do you look forward to most in
the next two months?
- My birthday.

4. Who was the last person you called?
- I forgot. Haven't called in a long time

5. Have you ever played a team sport?
- Casually yes, but competitively, hell no. Im a soloist

6. Who was the last person to text you?
- Im lazy to check

7. Who was the last person you hugged?
- Long long ago, my ex.

8. What were you doing at midnight last
night?
- Asleep.

*where's 9 & 10?
I thought seven eight nine (ate), but he got too greedy today and ate 10 along with 9.

11. What happened at eleven am today?
- I just woke up actually

12. How many states have you visited?
- Solid Liquid And Gas. Three.
On a more serious note, I can't really even count.

13. If you could be anywhere right now,
where would it be?
- Im not really sure.

14. Do you prefer shoes or slippers?
- Shoes actually

15. Are you a social person?
- Rather, it depends hugely on my mood

16. What was the last thing you drank
- Vitagen

17. Favorite ice cream?
- Cookies and Cream

18. What is your favorite dessert?
- Don't really have one. (i don't have a huge appetite, main course eats up most of it)

19. Whats your favorite color?
- red, grey.

20. What jelly do you put on your
peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?
- Jellyfish

21. Do you like coffee?
- Rather. It keeps me going sometimes

22. How many glasses of water a day do
you drink on average?
- Average-800 ml perhaps, Sore throat-> 8 litres

23. What do you drink in the morning?
- Milo

24. Would you rather kiss someone with
or without a tongue ring?
- Without.

25. Do you sleep on a certain side of
the bed?
- I sleep on the floor!

26. Do you know how to play poker?
- Actually, no.

27. What's so good about fridays?
- Weekends?

28. Any plans for this week?
- It's like the end of the week?

29. Do you eat out or at home more
often?
- Mostly at home

30. How big is your TV?
- About 50+ inches, which is considered above average I guess.
But it's only plasma. Sad

31. Ever stolen a street sign?
- Nope.

32. Do you keep a piggy bank?
- Nope. I don't even save money. It's pointless.

33. What kind of camera do you have?
- 3.2 megapixel on my cybershot HP

34. Have you ever been in an ambulance?
- Nope, only in my dreams.
(and somehow, I always end up in ambulances in gothic dreams)

35. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
- Pool.
No thanks to sodium chloride in excess

36. Do you prefer a window seat or an
aisle seat?
- aisle seat. Mainly because my bro has to take the window seat whenever we take the plane.

37. Do you know how to drive a stick
shift?
- What?

38. What is your favorite thing to
spend money on?
- Anything worth spending on

39. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?
- Nope.

40. Do you have a fat bank account?
- I don't even have one. (maybe daniel has one )

41. Can you roll your tongue?
- Nope.

42. Who is the funniest person you
know?
- Actually. Myself. Self entertainment wee.

43. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
- Nope. ONly if I sleep upstairs in my room

45. Do you still have clothes from when
you were little?
- They're on my youngest brother's body right now!!!

46. What is the color of your bedroom
wall?
- White. Purity. (or perhaps just sheer laziness to get them painted)

47. Do you shut off the water when you
brush your teeth?
- I use a cup, doh.

48. Do you have a big crush on someone
right now?
- Not really.

49. Do you currently hate someone?
- Yes, several. Infact, maybe only one.
(and no, thats not you daniel.)

50. Why do you take friendster surveys?
- Because I am currently on the syndrome " Do everything you can find except homework"

Regaining my sanity

Once again, we find ourselves infront of another signboard reading 'weekends'. At then we find ourselves on crossroads, with each having their very own labelled signboards, "slack" or "mug". And always, I find myself inevitably choosing the former, if not, trying to walk the latter path, then with regret turn back and head the other way.

I realise that almost 80% of all my posts are about school. (and 90% of all statistics are made up on the spot), I should really stop posting about school. Sadly, most are lamentations. A small tiny minority are joyful, and this says alot.

Played daidee in school today during the long break. It was a refreshing 'break' experience because the hall was out of bounds to us. Daidee, granted, can get a little dull after awhile. I kept losing at the start, losing, losing, and then having to shuffle the cards. Well, winning in Daidee makes one not feel the full effect of the inevitable dullness of the game. Winning, somehow allows one to stay fresh. Imagine, losing daidee like 10 games in the row, can lead to insanity. (when I mean lose, I mean you don't win. if you don't win, you lose, right?). The major turning point of the game was when there was some sabomaniax going around the classroom of who to send some representative to some peer coach activitywhich is on every friday. I happened, to stare at my hand, seeing my rather 'unpowerful' hand, I figured I could not win. And inorder to express how much I thought I could not win, I said "if I win, I go!". And that was when, I made the biggest mistake of the day.

I won.

It was like a cruel joke played on me. Ive been losing, losing and just when I gambled my friday afternoon away, I had to win (which inversely, was actually a lost in this case!). But it's only for one week, I guess maybe, I will just go there and sleep, or past time. Still, I can't imagine myself being a peer coach. But if I was one, the first one to get counselling would be daniel. (x-syndrome mental disorder)

It's up to you if you want to value that as a joke. (there's no really offense to it anyway).

Pertaining to that argument. It's true, just like what Jlam said. I really see no point in continuing the argument. Just like Farid said, I should be mature about such things. Perhaps, I was not very matured initially, as I evolved jokes to insults and then things started becoming personal. However, the crux of the problem lies not within these seemingly hurtful insults but exists almost literally in another dimension.In most situations, things should not always be taken at face value. thats why reading between the lines is not only applicable to story books and gp comprehensions but also in real life. For people who take things at face value and not see the motive between every single move. The real reason of engagement, conflict now, is still kept underlying beneath a magic carpet which is meant to maintain peace. Someday, when Aladin rides his magic carpet and flies into the horizon, then maybe everyone will see the truth. I've given up, not chickened out, but given up. It's time I focus on myself and take the evident disparity to greater heights. Lesson learnt. In a battle with lightsabers, the one with upperground always wins (according to obiwan kenobi by the way), but in a battle using words, it is usually,the one with the upper ground, on a higher plane, to refuse to continue engaging in any futhur pointless battle. Perhaps, ironically and paradoxically, I may have just retreated into victory.

If you were wondering, there's nothing supposed to be offending in the above paragraph. If you think there are, you're mind is playing tricks on you! Period.

Granted, it is like my habit to put a long chunk of words smacked right in the middle of a post to make the post seem long.

(and chunk, reminds me of how our physics lecturer said 'chunk', it was quite staccato and on a higher octave.)

I find myself overly ambitious. I should have realized the third movement of Moonlight Sonata is actually quite imbal. (despite warnings)Maybe I should just stick to my exam pieces, but infact, I really need something to spice me up to practice. I'll hold, pehaps for a couple of days to a week more. If I don't make significant progress in this sonata, I will give up. Ive gotten half a page down, and im still working hard trying to bring it's speed up.

And not allowed to use pedal makes it even harder. I killed my fourth finger trying too hard. (friction, somehow). perhaps it, will get better. I have all three movements printed. 1 and 2 seems okay. But I wouldn't want to play them unless I can play movement three. Damnit.

Impatient.

By hook or crook, I am definitely going to get myself a crunpler bag this weekend. I will post pictures on how dilapidated my current bag is right now. Those who have seen it would recognise it as a "beggar bag". Torn and tattered, I seriously wonder how I could have survived with such a bag. Futhurmore, my productivity has been seriously dampered because of this bag. Before lectures begin, an average person with an average bag and average neatness would take about 10 seconds to get their lecture notes out. I took 6 minutes.

And also, I don't have a pencil case. I have to dig my pens, pencil, specs, correction tape one by one. It's like treasure hunt each time a lesson starts. That's why I'm so unproductive. But either way, I can't get myself to concentrate nowadays. Studying, or mugging for any matter, requires it's own reagents ad conditions. And for anyone may actually realize someday that my condition for a conducive studying environment is almost unattainable. Perhaps it's like in 398 kelvin room with like 10 atmospheric pressure or something. I'll die before that. Im just not fated for any mechanical, muggerized work. (But maybe in desperate situations, I'll really have to heat myself up to that extent)...

As you can, as my post gets more and more ridiculous, and whereby entropy increases. You can see I am going to end my post very soon because I am just about to run out of things to say. (thus, explaining the crap).

Bye

There's no moonlight, really.

Before I go on blabbing about stuff people won't be bothered to read It's time to post some pictures! Boy, how long as it been since I have added pictures to my blog.

Im late, by a couple of weeks, but still. (I always wanted to blog about this, but my com was down)
Here you go. Enjoy

By joshua chong on the recent chemistry test. He still passed. His test, not away.
For the sake of "reducing eyestrain", it reads, 1,2,3,4,5,6-dichilorodiiododinitrometrhylbenzenoate acid with a cherry on top. Well, he got same amount of marks for me for this question. =X

Outdated, but this was what I wore almost the entire CNY. It's one of the rarer occasions I wear pink.(though it looks almost white in the picture) I almost got pwned so badly wearing this to school on CNY eve, when majority wore their school uniform. It was quite embarassing actually. =X

And, the background is my parent's room. it's where I sleep too. The other half, well, is not on the picture. It would be virtually impossible to take the entire room through the mirror though.

This was supposed to be posted on my brother's birthday. What I find amusing in this picture is the colour of our shirts do look like a conflicting combination. Red, energy, excitement. Green, peaceful tranqulity, just like nature. At least thats the picture I get. But ironically, it's totally different with the wearer of the shirt of each colour. Ahhh, I wanna go back to when I was six! =x

And this is LONG hair, so stop catching me when my sideburn is longer than what you call short, and my fringe is longer than what people consider short.

And I took it in the car. (I forgot where was it at that moment, but can you guess from the background?)

There aren't really much notable pictures which I can give a satisfactory commentary in my phone. The reason why Im uploading all these is because I have just installed the drivers on my com for my phone-to-com connection, and now I can extract all the pictures from my phone. I own a cybershot phone, yet, I am not a photographer in nature. But I like to take 'zi-lian' pictures, boy, im hopeless.

Well, you can see what kind of redudant pictures I take. Only the first one is worthy of post actually, but since Im uploading pictures, I let the momentum do the job. (or inertia for that matter).

And here the 2nd part of my post, I am going to be a very big rip-off copyer. All expressed is not my thoughts, not soley, though I have understood, and sorta, I am going to explain it in my own words. (so bear with it =X!)

A picture of a sample blogskin, with the theme "moonlight sonata".This does not mean I have something against people who are using this blogskin or it's creator, just read on! (especially when I know one)

First and foremost, all I am writing is inspiration from a particular "Moonlight sonata Lecture podcast", it's a series of study-podcast for Beethoven's Sonatas and moonlight sonata was the one I actually listened to today.

Now, tell me whats wrong with the picture? (hint:it's nothing to do with technical details)

I don't expect many to notice, but it's where the moonlight is upon. (generally you would argue that moonlight is above everything and thus, it doesn't matter what it is beneath it). As you can see, it's mountains. Yes, moutains. And that's the mistake.

Moonlight sonata was not a name given by it's composer, Ludwig Wan Beethoven. Infact, it was a name given by a poet, Ludwig Rellstab, who compared it to the moonlight shining over lake lucerne.

It was a lake, not mountains. And even there was water beneath those moutains. That should be the upperstream of a river. And, that is still not Lake lucerne.

But still, I may be wrong. The picture may be actually something to do with lake lucerne afterall. But either way, there really ain't much meaning of moonlight in the piece itself. According to the podcast, the sonata was written with the murder of some commander Don juan in mind, (though I still have nuts knowledge about what it is refering to, and lazy to read up). And it has escense of a funeral march. There's no moonlight really.

This proves, I have nothing really better to do.

Wasted my time away today, reading on the net, filling my empty computer with songs via downloading (before you give me a thumbs down [or for that matter, all your fingers]classicals aren't illegal by the way)].

Closer relatives in my home right now as I type. I'm lazy to go downstairs to greet people. I'll just hide away from the crowd in the comfort of my room. But yet, ironically there is this subtle joy, subtle sense, or slight CNY nostalgia (though only several days ago..), lurking in the atmosphere. Perhaps, this is what people can refer to as the prescense of people, whether or not you interact with them. I don't hear them, but knowing there's people in my house, and alot of them, brings great distress, discomfort, but yet, there's subtle joy embedded within. Mysterious and arcane. That's how emotions are.

Finally the end of the week is approaching, very soon again. I find myself living a 4-day school week (disturingbly). Tommorow is friday, a good day indeed.

Still no work done.

Just another thursday, maybe not.

I'm gonna make a new blogskin this coming weekend. Waiting to borrrow my pirate version of Adobe photoshop tostart making graphics.

I went to school today, technically. Maybe not. Im not sure. I went at exactly 12:20pm when the security guards told me to go out, take a stroll and come back ten minutes later so they don't have to record me as a 'late-comer'. I didn't really feel like attending school this morning, but mainly there was this irking feeling that there will be an attire check. Hiding in toilet is an option, but I dread doing so because it throws the balance of my mood off (don't really see a better explaination). I just cut my hair (though not much), and the school is bound to tell me to cut it again (which is so troublesome), and please, the standards of hair length varies with perspective. How can I tell the school they have a big perspective problem.

Turns out, this 'gut-feeling' was true. There, indeed, WAS a attire check today. But let me clarify, my 'gut-feeling', ironically included a slight logical deduction. I counted the number of classes, Im not sure but I think there're almost about 30 plus (including arts classes), and the last time they caught my class was the thursday before CNY. And going by logic that they go by an order (systematically speaking), they should be hitting my class on thursday (which is today). If I recall, S17 was caught 1-2 days before our class did. I believe the school does this 'routine' checks in a 'routine' cyclic manner in order to avoid having missed out classes. All in the sake of being systematic, but being exploited. I don't think anyone would actually think of exploiting such a system. Ponning school for this was quite a hefty cost, but I can alway go to the toilet and take a long nap the next time round.

I remember on tuesday. four S17 boys disappeared when their class was annouced at the daily routine check. FOUR. If I wanted to escape, it would be alone. It is so ironic that many people plan their escapes only if they have friends accompanying them. They don't believe in themselves and thus have to rely in strength in numbers. Note, most of the worlds most deadly crimes are commited by individuals, not organisations. (got that from Death note.) But of course, once again, Prison break is an exception. Four people running away almost amounts to four times the chances of getting caught. Now, that would not be too smart right? especially when four people missing from a class of 20 is definitely going to seem fishy.

Yes, they got caught at the LT. (where coincidently, in the same LT as ours having physics lecture).

Of course, all tactics would not be made possibe if not for the slacky attendance taking. Whereby when mr wong ask me tommorow, I can just say I was late, but present in school but not in morning assembly. Simple.

Though no one would believe me that I actually knew my class was going to get checked today. Also, I did not memorize my chemistry definitions and it was the first thing in my mind of sian-nity causation which made school and ultimate turn-off. Figuring I would not benefit much since 1) ive memorized nuts 2) did not do my reaction kinetics. The other lesson I missed was Mr wong's Complex numbers lecture, which is also, totally so hard to pay attention to. But I turned up for the last lesson, physics, where I did benefit from.

Also, the main motive was to eat the potato in the cafe. I had this crazy, random, urge and craving for the potato, which is the main driving force for me being in school today.

Orientation 2 is going on, which means no hall for me which equals to zero incentive.

Been watching Prison break again. Finishing off the episodes on season 3 that are out so far. And oh gosh, michael scofield has once again, BROKEn OUT OF PRISON. this time not as exciting, but still, decent. :). Things are getting really complicated. And the 'home alone' trick was super hilarious.

That's all for now. Im having lunch. It's afternoon, Im dizzy.

Tired

I've been blogging alot today. Apparently I have decided to take down my previous two posts regarding daniel. Keeping my blog insult-free. To find out more, you can read Jlam's imbal 2.5K word essay on what happened (I found it impressively detailed). Though there are some inaccurate parts (which I would point out to him personally), I find his interpretation rather precise. You can check it out.

Yawn. Im tired

I shall go and have an early rest. As usual, zero work done.

And ive been trying to memorize metronome beats....

Edited

The nature of this post is NOT going to be light-hearted, but to balance things up, Im going to do a quiz/survey which I got from friendster. It's BEEN some time. really.

1) What is the hardest feeling for you?
.Being deprived of either sleep or food.

2) What do you want this February?
.Plenty of sleep. Plenty of fun. Trying my best to stay awake in school

3) Reach your hand out to the left. What do you touch?
.Air molecules =/ I grab a nitrogen molecule! woot.

4) What time did you sleep last night?
.Relatively late, 12am+++

5) What's the wallpaper on your
computer?
.Default Hp wallpaper

6) What can you hear besides the
computer?
.Silence?

7) Do you agree to the saying "to
forgive is to forget?"
.In this case, I probably will not forgive because
things do involuntarily stay in my head for longer periods
than I want to them.

10) What makes you sad?
.Lots of stuff.

11) What are your favorite books?
.Not many readable ones, but playable ones.

12) What would you like to have right
now?
.Actually, sleep or holidays, or both.

13) Who will you turn to if you have a
huge prob?
.My parents, definitely. They have the hugest resources to solve problems.

14 ) What's your favorite song at the
moment?
.Don't really have.

15 ) What was the last song that kept
ringing on your mind last night before
you sleep?
.I just heard many random different combinations of notes here and there.

16) What was the best event that
happened last year?
.Event? Going to school and learning that moderation had saved my sorry butt.

17) Where did you go today?
.School. Do I have a choice? (actually, I DO)

18) Last thing you ate?
Rice and some other stuff which have been consumed before identification

19) Who were you with?
.No one.

20) Have you gone to the beach just w/
your buddies?
.Nope. Waste of time

21) Do you love sunsets?
.Not exactly.

22) When is your b-day?
.April 10.

23) What are your wishes for your
birthday?
.Nothing much...I really have nothing I want.

24) Who do you wanna be w/ on the day
of your birthday?
.Alone.

25) Have you ever felt that you've
been taken for granted?
.Defnitely, but I would not state who.

26) thing/s you regret?
.Too many to elaborate or even state.

27) Is there anything else you want to
do besides answering this survey?
.Not really. Ain't that why Im doing this survey.

28) What's the most important
sentence/s that lingers in your mind
right now?
.Death sentence
.Hess law states that...
.What the heck. There's nothing important.

29) cookies n' cream or double dutch?
.Cookies and cream. (not to be taken literally)

30) Chocolate cake or brazo de
mercedes?
.I have no idea.

33) fave cartoon character?
.Nothing much. Used to have lot.

34) Do you know how to play the guitar?
.A few notes, maybe. But I don't wanna hurt my fingers.
(and no, I don't consider strumming knowing how to play the guitar)

35) Who's the last person you texted?
.It was yesterday, and Im too lazy to check.

36) how do you feel right now?
.Moderately fatigued, yet paradoxically slightly refreshed and eager to play my day away.

37) where do you plan to go next week?
.School?

38) missing someone?
.Im not very sure.

39) what's her/his role in your life?
.Looking back, Im not really very sure.

40) did u hurt somebody in the past?
.I don't think so.

41) the person who loves u most or the
person u love most?
.I said I don't think so.

42) in a rel., rebound, dating,
single, whatever?
.Single.

EDIT:Im keeping my blog clean from insults

Not really breaking stealth but...

Disappearing act again? You might say. It was involuntary, and of course, without my consent. More than a couple of days. It's not about breaking stealth, it's like being transported off into another dimension, and then back again. Well, you can literally say I can start thinking and planning about a 'content page' for this post. But fret not, I will not bombard, I will summarize the details and not let any drown in words for no reason.

First and foremost, the Pc, or rather the internet connection is extremely crucial to me, indeed, a sine qua non. It's almost like an addiction, but I would like to stress that it ain't a negative addiction. It's a good, productive one. I urge everyone not to take their internet connections/PC for granted. The past week, I never felt so detached from the 'world'. My room, wasn't the same room anymore. Certainly, it wasn't that tough of a week and mainly I spent my time (hopefully..), productively by mugging ,practising the piano, composing, slacking, sleeping, and doing all the stuff that I would not have normally been doing. In short, it made me realize there are many other things out there other than a rectangular box. Even reading the newpaper seemed like some form of entertainment. (and it actually greatly reminded me of the good ol' '2 weeks before Olevels' when my com died on me).

What went wrong....

Records that date back to chinese new year indicate that my com died right before CNY. (true?, check back yourself). Windows XP could not boot no matter how much I restarted and tried again. Like the wise would say "only idiots do the same thing over and over again, expecting different results." but it might not nessecarily take a stupid one, but infact, a desperate one. Well, being desperate and itchy all over for an internet connection, I resorted to borrowing (nicer word for hogging), my goodwilled brother's notebook. My router, and it's wireless network was still accessible despite the host being dead, thankfully, I survived through CNY.

I thought I could delay sending the com for repair (because I still had mearge hopes that the com would automatically self-revive someday, foolish it was, but yes, that was what I had in mind) since I had a makeshift computer, as well as internet connection. But this did not last long. My network died soon after CNY and that was when I was imprisoned into reality once again.

The message was crystal clear:SEND THE PC FOR REPAIR. inorder to know how my network died I have to get the host computer back into action. and thus, my PC was send to HP repair centre for a one week long checkup (and perhaps, operation in the ICU).

Turned out, harddisk crashed. Reason-Unknown.

My dad blamed lightning, I blamed negligence. It might because I had never allowed my computer to rest (even at night) that caused some damages. But of all things, the harddisk. A painful 300 dollars to replace a new 250GB harddisk. (considering that warrenty period is already over).

it returned yesterday, but network still wouldn't connect...

I was totally elated, excitied. I vehemently unwrapped everything, and plugged everything in great nostalgia (and it took me several minutes to assemble the entire system because I forgot how some wires were supposed to go..), and even as I turned on the system, there was this insecurity that I may have haywired some wires. But still, it worked fine.From keyboard to minitor to powerpoints and everything and everything worked extremely well. except the internet connection.

Now anyone would know in this new age, any computer without an internet connection is like worthless scrap. I mean, computers aren't computers if they aren't a medium to the net (which is the bait, and the computer is just like the fishing line). [though what Im saying is totally infair in a computer's perspective but still]. I connected the router, and the modem. Then I start to wonder how the wires should go.

I thought, pondered, cracked. and perhaps tried every single permutation of possibilities, but to no avail. As I ran the modem installation software, it would not sense that the connection was valid. I was pissed. 10 minutes, 15 minutes and almost into an hour, the ennui seemed to have sapped into my mental state. And that was when I gave up, said good bye, and left to sleep.

And then into infinity and beyond (and enlightenment)

I gave up. And I had to call starhub hotline to get some help (Im hopeless). Just several minutes ago, the technician called. and then he guided me how to wire the routers and the modem. (perhaps it was in great haste that bred error, which had led me to forgot about turning on the modem and router at an interval). Well, the technician guided me and voila, I managed to solve the problem.

And guess what. A stunning discovery was that I actually HAD internet connection as of YESTERDAY. It was like a problem, with the installation software of the modem. If I actually did open an internet explorer browser, I would have realised there was internet connection all ALONG, just that I did not realise. I just had to make sure the external software would acknowledge the connection.

It was so funny.

But it's great, that I'm back online.

What a long digress-cum-introduction. Now back to the point.


And now we time-walk with a negative displacement

Would it be startling if I said I had forgotten the nitty gritty details of what happened over the past few days. All I know was that I was sick, then I recovered, and then I was almost falling sick again. My nose has been mildly bleeding for several days and it annoys the hell out of me.

School was copacetic. I was mainly worrying about how to pass my pull-ups for Nafa. I've been back on a paradoxically, very slack schedule to train up for Nafa which includes runs, jogs, stretching and pullups. (mainly the gist of what I have to work on).

Speaking of which, I almost got so pwned for not turning up for PE for two consecutive times in a row, (one majorly because I was not in school that day). I got a rather mildy serious warning + prelude to punishment session by mr hiap on tuesday when I randomly turned up at the hall. He said he would issue it on friday. Turned out, friday was badminton and he seemed jolly nice and well. He breathed nothing about punishment and he kept smiling all the way. He was nice to me too. Perhaps memory, like water, evaporate and nothing can stop it (got that from science..)

I think not blogging for so many days have numbed the chronological sense within me.

I did not go to school on last monday.

On wednesday there was this assembly about total defence where our school's male teachers wore their NS uniform and make a speech about their roles in the army. Well, that was quite a cool idea, at least it kept me entertained. Following which, there was this fire extinguishing demo. Imagine if you can, there was this giga-sized circular dustbin-shaped object. there was fire in it, and there was this facilitar with a extended flimsy rod-like-fishing-rope-look-alike that could actually reheat the fire. (and forgive me, I do not know its name, and neither do I know how to describe it). but still, many people were given a chance to grab an extinguisher and put out the flame themselves. I went, and it was quite an experience. I just did not like how the "rather massive, bulky" blue container suddenly turned cold after putting out the flame. It was icy cold, and it was so adrupt. And, I actully blasted some gas into the open before I was up to put out the flame.

And also SPA, which I would not like to talk much about. I am just feeling glad to have finished my report and not like calculate gradient ten times and get ten different answers because my 8 looks like 0 and my 6 looks my 9 each time I write. Random error, caused by handwriting problems, correction tape makes it worst, the state of mind and the irritation from getting errors futhur multiplies the problem...and then, finally cause one to break down. that is how carelessness ruins lives.

Thursday was just another day.

I got caught for hair, and then I got caught again.

And thus, I cut my hair. As simple as that. this time at QB, at CCK interchange.

Friday, was again, another day. As the weekends approach again, I was boredom struck. I spend saturday composing/practising and sunday doing the same thing. My tutorials are all left undone, especially chemistry. To date, I have never did an entire tutorial myself this year yet. Even daniel is doing his tutorials and doing them so much in advance (however, it's food for thought how his test results are still borderline and nubbish despite his efforts). Everyone is pacing up, everyone is like one tutorial ahead of me and Im still sleeping in Complex numbers lecture.
Common test in approx 1 month. How I survive would have to depend on how much dust I can sweep off and how much new ground I can rebuilt. It's a great relief to learn that the topics tested for physics is something I am copacetic with, or I have minor confidence in. The topics that made me gasp, aren't tested and so Im lucky here. Same for math, I am so elated that DE, and all the graphing shiterbugs are quanratined for this common test. Looks like I can finally pass something here! favourable conditions. love them. But as usual, laziness coupled with pestiferous intentions to fall asleep can spell disaster.

It seems like I need to study soon and it seems like I have been saying that since 1 month ago. :(

It's mid week again. Tommorow is ultimate practical day with mock-spa and I have not studied a single SKILL D for chemistry. Look how dead I am, laugh! haha. Maybe I'll be able to use knowledge alchemy tommorow. Like how they turn copper into gold. I will make something out of nothing! just kidding.

I should stop typing because it is certainly bad for me, and readers. If you'be survived till now, faithfully reading word for word. Thank you so much, because I suspect you're one in a million.

As it drags on, and CJ7

If you were wondering I had two posts yesterday chronologically reversed because of the wrong input of timing.

Today is the last day of the CNY long break. Congrats to everyone made it this far, who survived tremendous intense visits, massive calorie intake, and people who are unscathed as of now. The reason being, I am jealous of all you healthy peeps out there.

When I thought it was all over, this sorethroat persistently creeped into my life (and throat) again. Fortunately, it was not as bad as the night before, milder, but it's still very irritating. Feverish, cold symptoms started kicking in when I was about to sleep. Wasn't a very pleasant night.

Waking up, along with sleeping is probably the worst feeling ever with such a sore throat. I woke up having to clear my throat so many times that my plaegm had colourings of red, which evidenty is, blood. My nose was entirely blocked with sticky substance and I had to blow once every few seconds. Not a very pleasant way to wake up. It's like waking up in goo.

Did I mention that I drank not 8 cups but 8 litres of water yesterday. I just had to keep drinking to keep my throat lubricated well enough not to feel pain.

Yesterday I managed to get myself up to watch a movie with my parents. ( I know this statement itself is absolutely going to create great contrast with the previous). But still, I staggered my way there. Infact, I think my condition could be represented by the amplitude of on a sinusoidal curve of wellness..the effects of pacofen (a sorta higher level panadol), and sorethroat medicine (which I didn't bother reading it's labels) were taking effect. I felt fine, only until the last couple of minutes of the show.

WHAT IS WRITTEN BEYOND THIS POINT IS BOUND TO CONTAIN SPOILERS.READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

My take on the movie CJ7. (I will make no attempt to repeat the storyline)

A very highly anticipated show. And to be honest I had high expectations of the show, though I did not know what to expect. A simple plot, with a very simple ending, along with a very simple predictable progression. The only thing fortunately that is unpredictable and abrupt is the situational, visual comedy integraded in the show. It just surprises me how many amongst the "laughing points" were actually due to face expression. (either of CJ7 or the little kid).

What is see is a great marketing strategy. What I see is that they are not trying to sell the film itself, but the merchandise. I can imagine the reduced from of CJ7 would be definitely hot in demands. (as how I would see it). X_X.

There isn't much to comment. The show was rather lighthearted at moments, but dramatically emo at certain points. However, the shift was nicely done. It was serious when it needed to be, and funny when it had to be funny.

Pretty much the best movie Ive watched this year (mainly because this is my first). They took the film, it's plot, it's genre, it's idea, to it's highest potential. I have no complains.

Back to mindless ranting....

I have homework incomplete. Sadly, I wonder if my condition now is suited for any work. Highly contemplating if I should sleep in tommorow. But I highly doubt so. My conscious is telling me not to.

I am not too different from being a full time gardener now, they have to water plants and I have to water my throat.

Cya.

jelly state

If the more of the merrier does not apply to medicine, let's say Im dead. Because I went on a rampage finding all sorts of medicine and I consumed them without hesistation. Oh wow. This might be my last blog post.

I am left to rot at home. Parents are out and only a mearge portion of my time today is spend with my feet on the ground. I am left, elevated, on a bed, lying..lying. And the most interesting thing to stare at is the ceiling.

Strangely, and amusingly. the water tactic (as Ive mentioned in the previous post) is so effective that it is almost (if not totally) nulified the sore throat. (at least I do NOT flinch at intervals of several seconds whenevr saliava trickles down). Which is good.

But now, I am suffering from a fever. I never measured the extent of this fever but I believe it's mild. It's more of a cold,fever and it ain't serious. But still, I find myself walking like a jelly, thinking like a jelly and I feel so jellyfied all over. My muscles do not respond efficiently, neither do they obey every single command I give and worst of all, they hurt for no reason. My entire body is tensed, and Im flinching from random, out of the blue, sharp pierces of coldness. It's like living in Singapore, but a blizzard is brewing within. How conflicting.

I never found the determination to do anything to do today. Mindless woolgathering, emoing all in one place, in one location and with my eyes forever fixed on that lonesome ceiling. I still cannot get over the dizzyness as I set my feet on the ground.

I believe, I had never narrated (or exaggerated) how sick I was, never. And that reminds me, I am currently breaking into the frontiers of the 500+ postcount of my blog.

Physically dead and mentally not much better. School is reopening once again soon and we will have to face a physics spa the moment we get back, (not very nice eh). assignments are pilling up (I reap what I sow), alevels are drawing nearer and nearer and I might only have myself to blame. What pityful me.

I must get well soon. My family is watching a movie tonight, CJ7 and they have already booked the tickets. (yes, mine included). I have no choice but to buff myself up for the show tonight. Afterall, I am not exactly prepared to go anywhere >5m radius away from bed.

Some exaggerations here and there in this post. I'm not that dead. (considering I still can get online and type this post).

It's now time to consider my options.
1) sleep
2) sleep

I guess my fate has been sealed.

Good night.

I want to believe stress is a motivator.

My 2 brothers are taking their grade 7 n 5 exams in the coming one or two months. All the best!

Consequences and brillant water

I reap what I sow. Apparently, there has this flu bug (and with a really nasty sorethroat inducing ability) has been rampant in my household. tayye caught this virus on the first day. I was complacent, overestimated my own immune system, that lead me to consume an excess of bakwa, pineapple tarts as well as fried food over the entire duration of CNY. and now, I bear it's full consequence. A full-fledged, highly potent sore throat.

Goodies, has a good name, but probably a self-contradicting, ironic one

Thanks to that, percentage yield of sleep was horrible. There was not one moment I was in deep sleep. trickling saliava down the throat causes immense pain, bearable only to the slightest extent.Again, I wouldn't say I have a high capacity and tolerance for pain. But it seems to be that this bug attacked the most vulnerable part of the throat and that is where every single droplet of saliava will have to meet.

Horrible.

Sore throat, IMO is probably one of the worst type of flu-causing effects. I can handle vommiting, headache, stomach ache or running nose. What irks me most of that sore throat is entirely present in the entire course of illness. Unlike the rest, which happens at intervals. Just by knocking oneself out with several panadols will be sufficient to seal the negative painful effects of other symptoms. However, there's just something about having sore throat is that it strikes the best at night. When one is asleep, plaegm accumulates in the throat, and that engulfs the wounded throat, causing it to hurt constantly.

While 'asleep', it felt as if I was subconsciously asleep, but consciously taking damage from the inflamed area of my throat. A knife slashing your throat as you sleep, that's 'wonderful'.

Im feeling better now. Alot. After taking medicine and constantly wetting my throat with water. It seems like water is superbly brillant. It sort of lubricates my throat, causing the saliava not to hurt it. (sorta). Ive drank 2 litres in merely the last hour, and it's getting alot better.

I had a post halfway done yesterday by the laptop died on me. So im not publishing it

Now Im angry

All that zzz clashing gonging noise has started again!

So it's over, and happy birthday

First day yet 'last day'. Just like the diminishing flame of a candle dies down, slowly but graudally, chinese new year has unofficially come to an end. Though one more day of holiday remains and a long weekend ahead, majority of CNY's purpose have been met. There will still be goodies, still that official window period of CNY, but what is lacking is definitely the festive season, which had been vigorously prominent in the air today.

I woke up annoyed and moderately pissed. Nothing makes a better alarm clock than gongs and boom bang whoo huaa outside my gate. My neighbour hired a lion dance team to perform right outside their gates (in other words, outside our houses). CNY is about the festive mood, the atmosphere but certainly waking people up from their deep sleep is certainly NOT the way. I wouldn't rant on about how this is inconsiderate because I figured I might be the only one asleep (or perhaps it is everybody who was rudely awaken by the noise). It's only once a year, and I guess, I can close one eye (and perhaps, one ear too).

But what irritated me to greater lofty heights was the presense of such unwanted noise that refused to die down. it lasted several hours, on and on. the noise was just like spam, but the only thing is you can't delete it. Close the windows and the intensity is approximately halved but the other half is enough to drive the sane into insanity. (especially if you WERE trying to watch a video on the com, or listen to music).

The lion dance performances is meant to bring good luck. But what I see is perhaps an attempt to show people who filthy rich they are to be able to hire such a troupe for such a dramatic, loud performance. It's a free way to show how extravagent they can be, but yet ironically, and sadly, it compromises of the average bypasser's judgement of how obnoxiously traditional these people can be.

Certainly, anyone who is more than an average practitioner of logic would have enough common sense to know that a lion dance performance will never bring good luck if one of it's side effects is to annoy the hell out of one's neighbours.

As what the wise would say, empty vessels make the most noise.

I believe the underlying theme (or motive) behind CNY's festive aura is noise. A healthy level of the element of noise does bring about great enthusiasm associated with the season. But what exceeds the natural human capacity of tolerance is nothing more than a bugging annoyance.

Perhaps I have been overly harsh to these (perhaps) good-willed people who just want to share the joy of CNY. But it certainly drives me to great exaggeration and biasness because I had developed a headache because of all that noise which was perpetually long.

Okay, that was how I woke up.

There was great joy when I realized no one was here yet and thus, I am able to have my own peace to practice the piano. Dismay, disappointment struck when the first vistor arrived after half an hour.

I was cool with it. I burrowed myself into my comfort zone, using the computer (and that was when the noise irritated the hell out of me). the day just passed. With me avoiding people, and only leaving my nest to harvest red packets.

To be honest, I am left, lost thinking about the purpose of CNY. Because it seems that it is simply simplistically ritualistic. It's foundation solely lies on unstable culture which will soon be eroded by changing, evolving societies and a new culture will replace the existing. My dad, my grandpa's generation was whereby parents have lots of children. But now, the trend is to have lesser children, (quality over quantity perhaps?). I believe, there will come to a time where the entire CNY concept will die down due to small extended family size (that would be exponentially smaller?). it will never vanish, but die down. It is already evident that the less traditional families (more revolutionarized ones), are already not visiting much. There has been a huge cut down on my visiting schedule since five years ago and now. I guess it will come to a point (or the point has already been met) when CNY happens just for the sake of happening.

Perhaps, the only reason why I am not in favour of CNY is because of all that underlying negativities of hypocrisy, gossip, gambling. CNY, is also another avenue for comparison. Isn't it human nature to check your red packets and evaluate how this relative is doing financially? I will not go into detail because this will make the number of words on this post tenfold.

On a more positive side (and I do, realise that I have been solely ranting the entire post so far). It's my cute little bro, Tay yong's birthday today. Happy Birthday Tay Yong! We had two cakes which were cut and served at my house and my grandma's house. Both were ice cream, sweet.

Ive always said I would get him a present. But Ive always failed because 1) I'm too lazy, 2) I feel shy giving my brother a present. Maybe I'll get him one, a belated present this year. but damnit, it's all the maybes that causes my plan to crumble into nothingness.

Had dinner at my grandaunt's place. Ive done nothing much but woolgathering and hiding from visitors this CNY. Perhaps I am not sociable enough to go out there and be in the front lines of chinese new year visitation in my house. But I will never be.

Enough of typing.

though I have more to say but those will have to wait because this makeshift computer is not entirely mine to use forever.

Makeshift

There was inter me repulsion just a moment ago. The debate topic was whether to blog, or not to blog. The optimistic me says "hey, you have nothing to lose, just blog". while the pesismistic me kept drowning my conscious with thousand and one non-unique reasons not to blog. the reason being, " you know you won't like the keyboard ". yes, and that is very true. How fluently I compose and construct my words is directly proportional to the square of how much I find it comfortable using the keyboard.

The purpose here of this post is not to meaninglessly go on ranting about how this makeshift computer will affect my life and how emo it will cause me to be.

The celebration in school was decent. (sorry, couldn't come up with a better word). The core reason for me being there is because this day here is the last ever CNY celebration I am ever going to attend, while being still affiliated to a formal government education institute. There wasn't any last year (I wasn't enrolled in any school yet). So I wanted to check out all that hype. Perhaps, it's not that butt-bursting, sophorific event afterall.

And the bright side was that I didn't fall asleep. There were priceless moments of fun laughter peace and joy. I did enjoy myself afterall but I found the events terribly cliche. Lion dance is definitely one of them but what's CNY celebration without a lion dance. However, thumbs up to the management commitee and the teachers who actually spend time and effort coming up with the music video (of how dating was like a decade or two ago was like), [extremely hilarious material]. I found the collaboration of teacher's wedding photos a refreshing idea. But it was to the dismay of many (and I believe, everyone) that we did not see distinct, prominent figures like Mr wong ah see. And boy, how much we were anticipitating a black-and-white photo, probably with fading colours and you can see the yellowish decay of the photo engulfing it's 'artistic nature', ironically, pushing it to futhur artistic realms. The photos, were actually, again, extremely explosive material. not in flames, but causes one to burst into laughter.

And, the effect of time on several people can really be evident, infact, too evident. Some teachers look world's apart from their wedding day.

But I believe not many would have the luxury of having their pictures buffed using photoshops. It's a pity I do not recognise many of the teachers, but I certainly know the unfriendly faces which bred my the evasive nature within me.(lest I get caught for longer than average hair.)

And I have to rant once more that I ain't feeling satisfied without seeing Mr wong's wedding photo. I am inclined to believe that cameras weren't invented then. That was a joke, purely a joke.

Thumbs up for the event. I didn't regret going. More of, I had nothing else better to do at home with my com being a huge gigantic super ubber paper weight. But I ain't getting any paper under it because too much effort will be required to get the paper off it. That was, ah heck, so crappish.

I spend the remainding time today lurking around the net, youtube on this makeshift computer (with a half-baked keyboard). The experience here, is not one of absolute quality, but it certainly highlights the presense of the computer (and the net) and it causes me to actually be thankful that I have access to the rest of the world. I must have taken things for granted. But being cut off from the rest of the world is not a nice feeling. especially when i am (almost without fail), 24 hours online per day.

As the sun was about to set, my closer cousins arrived one by one. Basically my first layer external family are here to visit for the reunion dinner. I'd say every year feels the same. I don't think it ain't applied to my dad and his brothers but for me and uncles and aunties, there is this ice between everyone. Inevitable, but uncomfortable. I'd prefer to stay burrowed in my room, with the comfort of the aircon, and the door.

Food was decent. Steamboat. It's has been a very long time since I actually had steamboat. My last memory of such "practical DIY" styled meal was the meal and Seoul garden after Olevels which is a lessoon on a chapter of my history of me by itself.

I couldn't believe it, I was getting too lazy for my own good. You could say, I ate no steamboat. I had fishballs plus rice, and a great time inhaling efferversene from the magic bowl.

Is it just me, that finds it absolutely unright to be eating steamboat without a stop watch?

the com that died

My com died on me. And if u were wondering, I'm using my bro's labtop now. no words will be able to express my hatred for such compressed keyboards. but i don't have a choice here. Sighs.

And so today is the eve of the Lunar new year. And if you were wondering, I went to school.

I take back my words on how CNY seems troublesome. The food makes it up for everything. Yum.

The dust, the dumb and the viral attack

The festive aura is all over the place. School, was so, "lets get this done and over with" today, especially when a long weekend (extremely long one) is coming up. Afterall, tommorow's Lunar New year's eve, which is a pretty big event for the year. (if you consider the number of holidays assigned to a festival proportional to it's importance). I think LNY has the highest ever number of holidays, (besides National day). And mind you, I count tommorow as a holiday too. Five days in a row, if thats not ecstasy, than what is it?

As usual, spring cleaning, new clothes, the usual preperations for the occasion. My house, too, has undergone some spring cleaning. I did nothing, (except maybe clean the spring in my G2 pen, isn't that spring cleaning as well??), my kitchen table (the entire premounted table), had it's top replaced with something that resembles it's former, but bleached, completely whitish bleach. (it grew old whoosh). I didn't notice the change because the kitchen was out of bounds, and even if I went in, it was to hop to the backyard to rob some drinks off the backyard fridge and more often than not, the lights were turned off. What a neat excuse, I should just say Im partially blind and nonchalent when im thirsty.

It was a neat upgrade, a nice modification but I still make no sense of the colour white.(the interior designer me is burning, waiting for it's turn to debut, but to no avail. I won't let it come out). What I am more concerned is the process. Apparently the gundoos who came to do the job. Mr contractor, or whoever had to be so inconsiderate, to do the drilling without closing the kitchen door. I know it's not going to help them, but it certainly is going to help us by keeping the rest of the house clean.

Guess what, the music room in my house is directly adjacent to the kitchen, and all the dust just typhooned the entire room. My stacks and stashes of music sheets were just covered with dust. Yes, imagine if you can, just like sand dunes, minus the dunes. Oh well, and the great part was that the piano was not capped. The keys were all soiled with dust. And if the doors were opened, it certainly is a visible sight that the piano isn't capped. Why wouldn't these contractors or whoever be considerate to close it? Or at the very least, close the music room's door, or the very very least, close the kitchen door when drilling into the walls or whatever!! It got me so mad.

My dad is sick. tayye is sick too. And I am threading thin ice. What a great time to fall sick.

My room's aircon has been fixed and it's blasting cold right now. When it was too hot, I wished for it to be cold. And now it's too cold, I want it slightly warmer. It's hard to be satisfied huh.

I think school's gonna be fun tommorow, and right now I am actually thinking if I should go. But I don't want to think of what to wear tommorow because it's not the usual school uniform thingy. But I might go. I'll see which side of the mattress I wake up on. (and if I wake up on time).

Mr wong actually had to remind me to come to school tommorow.

Actually, to be honest. I think our class, (and perhaps the others) are not exactly treating Mr wong very fairly. Though he may lack what is known as "class control", his teachings are not exactly of great clarity, and his authority might not be exactly emphasised. I do not think it's a situation when we find hard to listen to a seemingly lesser explaination, the crux of the problem lies within not being able to pay attention and sit still when someone isn't establishing the right authority. Granted, most are able to make it even without any help from him. Ive reflected and I think perhaps some people deserve the respect, even though they aren't gaining it. For a start, maybe I should put in some effort in math and I will do my Vector 3 Planes this CNY. And trust me, when tayyi declares his going to do a tutorial, it's like a blue moon rising on a afternoon. it means the rare amongst the rare.

But still I feel I might have something against him for catching me for hair when my hair is not long. Again, I might or might not appear in school tommorow. But I have this feeling, this queer feeling that I will be there.

Lullaby cradle song and minuet in G

I can't believe what I have been listening to all this while. In school, at home. You won't believe it either. 1) Minuet in G, 2) lullaby (cradle song) 3) Happy birthday on violin.I have no idea why are these songs echo-ing in my head.

Ahhh. Going to school unprepared is not something nice. I was totally unprepared for almost all tutorials. Fortunately, I managed to "pretend" my way through physics (dishonesty is the best policy and honesty gets you chased out of class). Fortunately, we were doing practical reports instead of going through the tutorial. And man, I finally digged my chemical energetic notes and I figured how to draw an energy cycle!. now how empowerly energized I might feel. (/sarcasm). And to think I forgot my superposition assignment because I had to take out paper from my bag to leave space for my PE attire. It's not an excuse, mind you. but i guess it would make a good one either way..:)

School didn't turn out long today. No geog lecture (which made me super high! I don't know why!). I skipped PE because I was feeling sleepy (afternoon, monday blues), feeling emo, feeling lethargic. Where got mood to do fish and ships fitness anc conditioning. But Im fair to myself. I did my own physical training at night at my own privacy, at my own comfort, but not in my own house. it's the same, but at least, I feel awake enough.It feels different running in the park as compared to on the track because the presence of trees, plants do actually make a difference. And I could feel the so damn big difference.

Tommorow is the last day of this week. Think about it, it's the "friday" of this week already. It's like getting a "proceed to GO collect, 200 bucks" kinda thing. Swift and nice.

After CNY would be Valentine's day, not a very siginificant day for single people out there like me. I wouldn't say it's bad, but it's neither good. It's just so neutral. However, it's just so disturbing to think that the love that is out there, or maybe in us perhaps, are all so animalistic, so selfish, so self-centered. I wouldn't be too quick to condemn, or I might (or already am) a hypocrite.

Im ending my post here.

All seasons are inelastic except one, Spring.

Misc

My blog is reopened as public again.

It's Sunday. I admit I am feeling very guilty for wasting lots and lots of time over the past few days. Yesterday, I didn't plan on going to church for Jump, but since Roy actually called and I promised, I thought I should keep my word and just go. Turned out, I spend the entire night out.when I planned to go home and mug Dinner was awesome, we had a picnic at botanic garden. (and to think that I didn't even know we were in the botanic gardens till I asked), the entire garden, all the flora and fauna engulfed in pitch blackness. It was very enjoyable, we had sandwiches, chicken wings and mee goreng and hokkien mee.

It's still noon, it's still noon and I can make up for lost time. I have lots that I have to do. I have been sleeping in Chemical Energetics Lectures, (yup, ALL OF THEM :x). and I have no idea what it's about. I don't know what about that lecture but ironically, chem energetic is NOT making me feel energetic at all, it's the opposite. Damnit.

The weather is pretty nice now, (it just rained^^). Thinking of going for a run to regain lost stamina (yes, I lost alot in this recent 7 months after I stop sports). Im still considering my options, I am thinking if I ever should do any work with the remainding today. Maybe I should take a walk, and then stay where I am, and there will be work done!

[enter lame]Was just looking around at supermarket yesterday and I thought Toblerone would react with 2,4 DNPH to give orange ppt. And then I stunned myself at realisation. Damn, that's chocolate, not a carbonyl compound. [exit lame]

If you don't get it, forget it. You won't.

Bach's Minuet in G major is really (and constantly) ringing in my head nonstop. It's stuck there, and I need a plummer. blunder. And for some reason, there is a Chopin's Op 64 no 3 somewhere at the back few pages of the Op 64 no 2 which I printed, and it's so strange because I can't find a single recording of 64-3 on youtube.

Im not exactly looking forward to next week. Though I must confess that I feeling quite elated because of the school break. But still, CNY is actually more tiring than school. Trust me, school over CNY. Especially when CNY stole the days which are the slackiest of all.

I should really start excavating for fossils (aka last year's notes), and start researching soon. Then I'll be able to evolve a dinosaur from the ruins to battle the deadly common tests. Pardon my bad taste of analogies or whatever.

Some random thought struck me yesterday that I am able start driving lessons this April once my birthday is here but there have been some discouragement saying that people too young will not be able to pass. And considering that they were actually going to move the cut-off age to 21 years of age. How would an eighteen year old noobie like me fare? Im thinking of giving it a go. Heard the pricing it's quite okay and got a thumbs up from my dad. "every guy needs to know how to drive ", that's what my old man said. Resolutions, resolutions. My aim is to drive a car to school to take Alevels. Skeptism lingers.

Busy busy. More of, Busy slacking. (now that's oxymoronish).

It's time

It's time to give my blog some fresh air. Going to reopen this blog to the public again.

Soon. I promise. Maybe right after I publish this post.

Guess what? It's friday! And im happy. But what irks me the most is that now it might be friday night but one moment (and just one moment) away it will be sunday night. Time flies, I guess. I just have to cherish whatever time I have.

It's been very peaceful lately. Contradictory, I don't like it being peaceful. I just don't like it. When everything is taken care of, when I don't have to worry about anything. It sort of highlights the agony of being in a routine, a cycle, a life of monotonous activities.

School, yes right. I don't dread school. School's fine. Infact, I find it quite disturbing that I ain't feeling a single bit of stress. It's peaceful, very peaceful. It's like you go to school, get home, and then do the stuff you have to do, have them settled, then go to bed. Nothing to cause any agony, inflict any pain.

Peace.

Passion keeps a man alive. I have stuff keeping me going, in fear that I lapse into the condition where nothing bothers me, or more specifically interests me. I find myself getting very hyped up, excitied about coming home each day from school to continue on 'prison break'. I finished two seasons in one school week. That's easily FORTY episodes of 45 minutes.

The amount of time Ive lost. Guess Ive been too extravagent in spending time. But good news is, Im finishing off the first eight episodes of Season 3 and I'll have probably not much left to watch (or download). So I'll be left waiting.

Ive been really slacking heavily on tutorials, school work and such. But I think I managed to cope with the tests pretty decently. (though I had to flunk maths). I actually skipped school to sleep and watch prison break. (man, i deserve to be locked up in prison..)..But my logic here is, I will have to watch them eventually. So why not now? Do not procastinate, and yes, this can be appilied here as well. I'm going to adopt a new approach from now on.

Do not resist play for work. In fact, finish playing so you can work.

I find it unproductive to do work when my mind is clearly somewhere else. I think it is rationale to play till you're sick and tired, then get down to work.

But the crux of the problem lies in whether I will find enough energy to do any work after playing. And the answer is more often than not no.

After this last season, I will have to get back into action. My subjects are probably hospitalised right now. And they got to fight a war in sometime. I need to heal them, aid them and get them combat fit for the next battle.

School. I cannot really remember any funny amusing incidents that happened today. Today we had three tests. Math, Physics and geog. But I like test days because you don't have to listen and if you don't have to listen, your brain don't rot after awhile, and you don't get sleepy and have to be forced to doze of unwillingly in such an uncomfortable position. Tests are good, they keep your mind alive, (even if you never studied for it)..., at the very least. You don't feel that fatigued as compared to lectures.

Fridays feel short because of PE, then math and geography. Probably the slackiest periods of all in the timetable, and all combined together.

Break time. Me and Jlam were sorta trying to help Andy mug up a piano piece, "first love". It seems like a valentine day's thingy to him. How it will work up, will depend on his determination. All I know, is that right now I'm glad I can read notes because when I see others struggling, I realise how far I have gone through to be where I am now. Though the roads ahead are still wide and long, at least I don't feel like an infant learning to crawl.

My teacher took back his Nocturne book and I can't exactly play my Nocturne now. Im covering up with Op 64 no 2 / valse no 7 of chopin. Right now. Im almost done. :)

Im thinking of tackling the 12 variations of Twinkle Star next.