Restlessness proved fatally nettlesome for me, especially on such a hot warm saturday afternoon. It was this "turn-back" syndrome that turned it's back on me once again (pardon the pun). Initially, I planned to do some work but in the end, all I did was to sit around the entire day. I have not even yet, attempted to find my school bag (which is probably lying somewhere downstairs). The "no touch school bag" syndrome has been rampant over the past few weeks, whereby I do not even touch my bag when I go home. I leave the papers in there, and then grab the same bag to school. Nothing changed. Not the position of my papers, and neither, (and most importantly), the empty sheets of foolscap paper whereby homework has to be done on. I wonder how long more will all this negative energies of restlessness will reside in me.
Bed time is drawing close. Will I end my day like this? Or will I turn the tide by pulling Vectors 3 out of my bag and go on a frenzy. (and, evident as it is, Ive not even completed vectors part 3. I'm living with dinosaurs woohoo). However, that has a very slim chance of happening, because 1) I happen to be adept at procastination, (diploma in advanced procastination), 2) I have to finish this blog post. 3) I have other matters which I will more inclined towards. After all, I am a neophyte at discipline, which I will forever remain at that state. Well, there's always tommorow and I have just proven my earlier point.
I have many movies I want to watch right now. But there's seriously no one to company me to the cinemas. My brother is totally nonchalent, (he doesn't really want to watch what I want to watch). I haven't really tried asking, but heck, it's usually quite spontaneous. Right now, as I am self-confined in solitude, I wonder if I really have to resort to go to the cinema myself. The few titles I want to watch are 1) Change the World (L), a death note spinoff, 2) Kung Fu Dunk (which seems interesting, I may find myself quite intrigued by Jay's films), 3) The jumper ( I have no idea why I want to watch it anyway), 4) PS:Iloveyou (heard it's touching, and nice), 5) the leap year (and this one, again, seems emo to me.)
Now I have 5 movies on my "to-watch list", and virtually no time, no company, and no money. What kind of world is this. So if anyone of you are going to watch these movies, please kindly call me along. Because I will APPRECIATE it very greatly. and of course, though I make it sound as if I am free 24/7, I am not. I do have stuff to attend to, do, and accomplish.
The third movement of Moonlight sonata. I've spend today on it and I'm done with one page. Still going slowly (though I consider one page/day is considered rather fast-paced). Sometimes, as you work out the notes of a piece, you will never imagine yourself to be able to play it so fluently eventually. Just like when I was learning secret and it's piano battles, (I seriously thought I would play it slow forever). You would never imagine yourself playing it so fast, while being so familiar to it. Im living in hopes that someday I will be abe to play it at optimal speed. To be honest, I was on the verge of giving up when my fingers start getting sore (especially the fourth finger). It's not the toughest, because I believe mechanical practice on the piano is just like sports. You have to give your body enough time to adjust, and memorize the physical details involved and someday it will listen to your command. (and who said fingers aren't part of our bodies?). However, what led me to actually give up completely on Fantasie impromtu is the nettlesome timing, 3v2 is really something I cannot handle at where I am right now. As Ive heard before, "most people give up right before they are about to succeed". This movement here, is like everest (proportional to my standard right now), however, I do not want to discourage myself futhur. It's my fight, it's my battle against this 15 page long (approx) movement.
There is impulse, impatience overwhelming me. I really regret halting piano like ages ago(I was really a lazy, uninterested student back then). And now when I just got back for about almost a year, sometimes I do feel grateful that I was allowed a '2nd chance' because I progressed fast enough to reach a stage where it isn't really embarassed to be in. I just want to make up for lost time. Everyone is telling me I'm talented, I just need that extra hardwork to convert it into something tangible. Something which can be felt, can be seen. I am not satisfied easily. I want to reach my Everest, I want to conquer new grounds, I want to accomplish what I could have accomplished in those lost years in several months. Impossible as it seems, I want to be better than what I was yesterday.
And till today, my parents still laugh about how I used to hide in toilets to avoid piano lessons when I was younger. I practiced nuts. And just now I happened to find the pieces I was playing back then. And boy, I was badly shocked. I can easily sight read those pieces right now. Today, it still seems like a miracle. And I believe the interest, is a gift, and it's a link that connects me and my brothers, all together, just like a chain.
And my fingers are sore.
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