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Another ordinary day. Or maybe not.

I walked into the school gates, and immediately I got caught for hair. I do not feel that my hair is extremely long, not to the extent that it warrants such a steadfast aggressive reaction. Maybe the way I let it dangle, let my fringe cover my forehead and leaving everything unkempt made it super obvious. I was utterly pissed when a teacher confronted me, asking me when I'm going to cut my hair. I said, tomorrow. And then she remarked, " by tomorrow ah". I don't see the point of asking, and then giving an order. Such stupidity. But still, I haven't cut my hair, and don't intend to. Maybe soon, cause it's getting untidy, but not because the school wants me to.

I don't understand the rationale behind using the hall for PE lessons when our school has a big unused piece of land also known as the field at our disposal. I mean, the problem is not with the hall. Each time I go up to play the piano during breaks with Jlam (sometimes) there is a teacher who gets looks pissed with the piano sound. True enough, it disrupts the lessons but honestly how audible do you have to get in a physical education lesson. They all look displeased, some PE teachers (like mine), tell us to stop. Playing the piano and having ask you to stop is a big insult, whether you are playing C major scale or Chopin's bang bang etudes. I sat there and trying not to make noise, I played a light chromatic scale. Then I got glared at by the PE teacher. Stupidity again, but I try to act nonchalent and play the most horrible ridiculous improvisation I have ever done.

Yesterday I escaped assembly because it was getting all sickening and pointless. Before I knew it, I found myself loitering in the hall and the only reason why I was loitering because some people were hogging the piano. I wanted to play it so badly and to make matters worst those people were playing random tunes, from pop, from the movie "secret". then bits and pieces, some I could identify and some which I could not. However, there was a disturbingly lack of Mozart, Chopin, Liszt, or their friends. For that matter, I strongly believe it was because of the disability to either appreciate, or the technicality to play them, or both. They were playing 2 bars of every weird tune I've ever heard. Horrible experience, considering that I wanted to play so badly.

I thought, " well let's give them say 10 minutes ", with all that they know, they probably can't play for long.There were 4 people around the piano taking turns to play fragments of whatever they knew. As far as I could hear, nothing came close to one page of completion. There were a disturbing amount of a pop songs, which was evidently memorized (from the break downs and continuations as though recalling information). They played some background music from secret, which was probably one of the utterly easy sight readable ones. The film came out one year ago and now they're still struggling with the easiest background music. I sighed. It feels horrible to have the piano hogged by such people.

Seriously 45 minutes passed and they were playing the same thing over. Getting worst, I could hear. I was walking around, and around. I even got a sandwich from the cafe. No sign of budging. I felt disgusted. Well, I sat there and finally they left.

And then I played. Chopin's Etude again having not practiced for say four days. The lacuna in my practice schedule totally wrecked my Etude. The melody sundered from the notes, and I could only hear washes of notes, but no melody. Jlam said, it felt weak. And I broke down thrice, while approaching the ending my arm was dying. I played it again today, it felt worst. I see it going down steeply from it, to the point that one day I wake up forgetting what was the first note again. I spent two whole months playing this etude, my dedication, and how disappointed I was when I couldn't play it up to my own expectations. I'm still far off from mastering it, However, I've reach a point where the bad habits are already formed and I need twice the effort to change them. As I have abandoned insane piano practice, as I have to dedicate time to save my sorry arse from the U syndrome, I really really have to say that I really don't think I can upkeep my etude. If I don't practice it for 30 minutes a day right now, it will continue, to drop. drop and drop. I fear for myself as this is the only complete piece in my repertoire. From what I see, it will disappear soon.

Look at me, pathetic. In my hearts, I mocked people who aren't serious. Those people probably thought they were cool to play the piano, playing popular tunes and such. But to me, it's a personal conquest, and endeavor to see how hard of a piece I can conquer. But yet now, I've failed miserably and when the more important things of life take over, piano has no choice but to give way. Irregardless of having to study or not, I've lost some motivation and practice in piano. However, something effortless and relatively interesting and relaxing would be improvisation and I am trying to improve it right now.

I still love music. I'm listening to Liszt Mephisto Waltz right now, but pop and catchy tunes don't sound right on the piano. They just don't. And people who think they're cool playing them.