No place to be

I probably have equivalent to nothing left.

First, badminton doesn't want me anymore. I've lost almost all my interest. I still can stroke but I can't play singles anymore for nuts. My reflexes have been slowed down tremendously because I haven't played in a long time. Those sharp drop shots and smashes are no longer what you call "normal" to me. They pierce through me. I can't go back anymore.

Piano. Piano. I love piano very much. But with only two days a week improvement is an uphill task. The only thing I can do is to maintain and is that enough? I cannot learn a new piece in two days. Even if I plow through complicated material in two days I will forget about 60% in the 5 days to come. Compared to the approximated 10-20% per day when I revise it the next day. This is so counter productive that it kills all motivation to practice. I still can play a sloppy La Campanella and of two my etudes. The problem here is evident, I can't really spend my time playing the piano knowing i will forget most of it during the week.

The solution here if I love music still is simple. Pick up a hand held instrument. A smaller one. Maybe Flute or violin so I can start learning slowly during my two years in army since musical instruments should be allowed in camps. Yea that's im going to do. Cello is too big, so i'm deciding on flute. Violin gonna be a pain for my bunk mates next time since you all know beginners are a pain to listen to.

While most of my platoon mates are out playing Left 4 Dead or clubbing their weekends away I am sitting here in front of facebook and blogger. Downloading some game to play on my DS. I went to play badminton in the morning but I tell you it was a disappointing attempt.

Army is good. In fact. I had benefit quite a lot (in my humble opinion) from the training there. But it steals the part of me that doesn't want to die. The original, authentic me is gone. The me who is obsessed about piano and music. My interests are slowly being devoured by the lack of time and commitment. That is what I see happening. For now, it will be a hiatus. but will it be effaced someday?

Now I stare into the depressing horizon. There isn't really anything to be depressed about. The sky is fine and the clouds are even finer and everything is so fine. It's long weekend so I should be grinning from ear to ear. Life outside now is plain, relaxing as it is. But the me now is not the me before I enlisted. The me now, doesn't like being the me now.

Soon. We will stand at that parade square and get ourselves out of the island. but that is perhaps the true beginning. I don't know what to expect. Should I be excited, elated? perhaps. If not why would POP be a happy moment anymore. No more ferry, no more ridiculously early book in timing and so on.

I want to fight for my country. But now I kind of want myself back.