Looking forward to sleep

Fatigued, extremely.

As I woke up into semiconscious today, I imagined myself sleeping in and awakening at evening (trust me, that happened before).Then I gasp at the amount of time I lost and shiver in guilt. Then upon thinking such thoughts, I sprung alive from the bed.

My brother is doing a series of weird poses, push ups, random exercises right behind me and I can't help it but feel very disturbed.

I actually attended higher education day today. but I left relatively early after only listening to one talk by SMU. I could have figured that the rest of the talks were going to be about the same. Furthermore, I know many people in local universities I don't really have to rely on these talks to gain knowledge and clarify my doubts ( wait,I don't even have any doubts). It seems like their bottom line is that university life is a life of freedom (and fun?). Also, CCA records don't mean much if you have good grades (thumbs up!), and many people seem to gasp at the fees. Also, we've learn that mother tongue is of totally no importance.

Of course, that was only from SMU.

I was about to go on a relentless assault again the concept of cca being compulsory (or for this matter, even carrying any tiny bit of importance), but I decided I was too tired to phrase a well constructed argument that will totally put new and enlightening perspective in people's head. But judging how tired I am right now, I don't want to hate myself for posting something stupid. And in addition, I believe viewer ship will plummet due to restricted access. (inevitably?).

I realized I am an absolute privacy freak. I almost need absolute privacy to carry out simple procedures. For example, I dislike surfing the net when people are watching me, or even patrolling my room. (note:I was surfing pretty ordinary stuff). I cannot talk on the phone, (unless it's a conversation by seconds to settle some stuff), when there are people around (it's not like I'm chatting about anything confidential, I don't like my conversations heard by people). Some people can stand talking on the phone when people are around, but it's a big no-no for me.
I guess it's absolutely ironic because I tend to be very open about my thoughts to people in general, and I have no (or almost) secrets.

It happens that my house is extremely unsound proof. Any phone conversation can be heard anywhere on the same level, and if one doesn't close the door, the conversation can be listened to at a pretty audible extent downstairs. (that's why when people build houses, they should hire sound engineers!). I can't wait till I move into a bigger house with more soundproof walls, as well as a room for myself. Sigh. It's really crammed in my house right now. What a digress.

But who cares.

I am extremely fatigued for several reasons. Just returned from vivocity. Had dinner there, the usual oriental stuff. Somehow just going somewhere like vivocity which is like pretty much home-ish to many people out there, is just an excursion for me. It's like woah, traveling so far.

Still, I was rather disappointed with myself today, making no progress on the piano. Sometimes I really hate giving up. I dislike bowing down and saying " hey no, I can't play this piece", or "it's too hard". Sure, there are hundreds or thousands of pieces that are bound to be unplayable. Etudes are the majority of them (and the build in dictionary doesn't include ETUDE, what an insult!!!). An attempt at Op 10-4 is suicide. I tried reaching that two consecutive quaver leaps spanning one and a half octaves and frequently miss. Aww man, this is too demanding of dexterity to the extent that it is disturbing for me. But I haven't given up yet. Op1o-4 (coincidently, my birth date and my favorite chopin etude) is definitely something I will not give up again on (Ive given up once) I will just keep spamming and not bow down until I have conquered all the technical difficulties. (despite saying that I have just only finished at 2-3 lines of the piece) It seems like I'm at the stage where seemingly impossible virtuosity impresses me the most. Music=virtuosity. Flying fingers > musicality anytime. It's going to take sometime. Being a technician, for now, is my ultimate goal.

Countless freaky etudes, many equally demanding sonatas, and all sorts of challenging pieces. It's quite funny how people think that piano stops at grade 8 when it's the beginning.

I just hope to be better than the me of yesterday.

And thats the reason why I'm extremely fatigued now. Don't talk to me. I'm going on major isolation and antisocial mode until I can play op25-11 and op10-4 properly. Till then, I do not intend to interact much. And again, stupidly, I have to balance these etudes with the tempest sonata was well as exam pieces and misc. Spam, spam.

You can't say you play the piano yet until you can play half of all Chopin's etudes, completed like most of Beethoven's famous sonatas or equivalents.