Relentless

I did not have a weekend last week. And I tell you, I am physically upset about it. My mind starts shutting down at about 2000 hrs to 2100 hrs. I cannot focus on any task which is after 1700 hrs. I start to feel sleepy on the car back home. This is mental torture. Even studying for A'levels was much better. So much tests coming up, the main course of this course is about to be served. Relentless.

Sunday. It doesn't feel nice booking into a place which you do not belong to,and in addition get walloped upside down for a crime you never committed. Fierce. Yes, fierce and unreasonable. I spent my whole Sunday doing nothing but wait at a shrine like place which is stuffy and hot. When our time is up, we go up the hill again to watch something like 4 seconds of explosions. This was indeed more epic than people who would spend the whole night sitting on a ground sheet under some romantic durian tree waiting for sunrise.

At certain points, I start to see myself trapped in somewhat, a thick layer of time. Thick itself is an understatement. Month by months, these layers unwrap itself naturally and finally after like some twenty four layers a holy grail would be unveiled! I'm starting to find it all so un-fun. So ridiculous, so stupid, so waste of time. The worst part, it is sucking myself away from me.

In the past few months, I've lost more than I could ever imagine. But the worst of it all, was losing myself. I need to find myself back.