I am sick of telling people, Oh I got this so and so grades for A'levels, BUT that was because I never studied even the bare minimum. Because they always give a skeptical look, and with that little dubious eyes, they gave me a cold stare that penetrates my seemingly impregnable core stone of pride. For those who think I did study a lot, yes, for the last 1 month or so. My prelim results were dying, I failed every single subject at mid year, and I blew my practical and send 20% of my double science down the drain. I had no choice because it could have been worst. Now, do I already sufficiently justify myself.
I've gotten into university. But no. I'm going to retake and I'm dead serious about it. I have a lot of power stuck within me, now it's just time to unleash it all. For once, in my life. I don't want to be mediocre, because I know, there's definitely not where I belong.
I realize people like me don't belong in society. The core reason why sometimes I voluntarily isolate myself from people is because I always expect people to behave a certain way. I expect people to give me some respect and attention like I have always gotten since young. I expect my friends to listen to me, and agree with me. I expect a lot a lot things which the outside world cannot give. And when that happens, I swell in disappointment. And in dismay, I walk out, sulking. This world, where no one is out to accommodate me, where people no longer think you're the main character, where you're just another one of them. I hate it.
I should banish myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment