There ain't no pulse in life

I just kinda lost hope. there ain't anything meaningful in life, somehow. When I look, i get this blank paper feeling. I have lots to put on it, but no pen. Maybe i do have a pen, but there ain't no ink. That is more frustrating perhaps. I just look forward to things like, " oh im hungry now maybe I should eat MacDonald later", and when my MacDonald comes I feel temporarily happy and satisfied. Then when I gobble up the entire thing, I start to wonder, what's next.

I have no goal no aim no ambition no passion nothing. My one and only passion was sucked by SAF. My goal is to pass my driving test next week (again, SAF), my ambition is like the sun of beckoning radiance sadly blocked by layers and layers of clouds (again, SAF). until there is no light to be detected.

Weekdays I long for weekends. But weekends I stare at my computer screen and sigh. What's this week after week. Or should I be glad I have nothing to do. Maybe boredom is a blessing. There's no use doing anything. There's no use looking forward to anything. Everything suddenly feels temporary. the only feeling that is not temporary is the feeling that everything is temporary. now, that seems perpetual.

Once I think I have found some meaning in my life, it vanishes! Like a ghost. I'm following something that is nonexistant. I don't even know why. The moment I reach home I sleep. Maybe it's better to be stay in because I have friends in my bunk to accompany me. Maybe it's good to once in awhile, induldge in say, PSP games or something. Nothing pleases me. Nothing seems to entertain me as much as it should. Nothing seems useful at all.