My engine is not working

So I stayed at home today. It was supposed to be a studying day. Keyword is supposed, I suppose.

I spent my entire day, watching drama. Watched an old J drama-"Engine", it's about racing, (ya know, the F1 kind), but it's more of a family, teenage problem-based storyline about an orphanage and people in it. Really touching story, (very dramaeesque), and it really kept me almost at the verge of crying (almost, but didn't). Really comforting, at times, heartwarming, at times, filled with sadness. Certain very good climax points of this series. I really recommend this whether you have time or not.

11 episodes in almost a day. I'm always the extremist huh. Moderation never comes to place when I need it. I studied nuts today. My chemistry week was going fine until, kaboom one day of my week just vanished just like this. But I don't regret it.

I wouldn't say it's a must watch, again it's not a series for everybody. It's not romance (which is everyone's favourite genre perhaps?).

ANYWAY, I'm starting to envy people who are having the most carefree time of their lives. I mean, people who are seriously holidayeesque at this point of time. I mean, I can do the same. Watch drama, absorb their world, but at this one corner of my heart something is bugging me. What's that? Guilt? Conscience. Damn, academics. Seriously.

There's this sentosa outing this Saturday. I can go, at the expense of getting 20 marks lower in any subject of my choice. Well, it's a really stupid trade because I don't really enjoy the sandcastles and the nicely polluted sea. I don't really enjoy whatever ultimateesque games that people are going to play. but the fact that you have to shallow your pride, and lower your whatever "sensation of having freedom" (or would I say feeling "libertyeesque"), and say, no, I won't go.

What's this. Then there's another food hunt on Wednesday. The official YF outing. I may go, but that depends if I can get a heart beat from my ever dead Math and Physics. Seriously, you don't want to know how much I know about these subjects. It will scare you.

If only I prepared early. If only I did not sleep through school. Am I starting to feel remorse. No way! Without last minute pressure, nothing goes in. I am not one to crumble to pressure. Either way, it's not use thinking about such negativities right now.

Life has been bland. Wake up, piano, read notes, repeat and rinse. Just when I get into something to break the humdrum nature of life (drama!), then I have to finish it all in one gulp leaving myself with nothing. Don't tell me to start another one. If I really did, I would have to say sayonara to a subject of my choice.

The future looks bleak. The mid years look bleak. My studying rate is pathetic. My results may resemble youtube. (get the pun?). I feel the lack of emotional drama, the lack of comedy, the lack of what people usually refer to as "excitement".

Exams are exciting in a way too, actually.

TY Waves good bye at mid years.