Today, Part 2

I feel so pissed. This lingering fatigue would not leave me. I feel zombified right now, entirely enervated.

Tomorrow I am certain that I have to study something. At least some math and chem. It's going to be one busy weekend with 40th anniversary plus Nicholas's birthday party on Sunday evening. Plus, my papers are on Monday. I can roughly see myself dead. Furthermore, I am so tired to the point that my frequency of yawning exceeds that of the blinking of an eye.

[Unleash Rant]

I am rather disappointed with myself today. Yes, I haven't been doing my minimum two hours on the piano lately due to the need to level up for the mid year examinations. My etude, well 10/4 is now sluggish. I realized instead of it improving, it's worsening with a sharp gradient. In addition, I've developed quite a bit of bad habits on several sections. Now I need to go back and do metronome-ish, bar-by-bar practice to get everything in order. (which will need a lot more time). Everything seems sluggish, horrible and retarded. I feel spastic breaking down like X number of times running through my etude. (where X is directly proportional to how fast I go, as well as inversely proportional to the amount of concentration I have). I can play considerably fast now, at the expense of clarity and consistency. (I've even tried breaking 200 BPM man!). I need serious renovation work on this piece. One thing, just no control. I feel out of control, every time and that feeling sucks.

I practiced about 4 hours today. Sluggish mode, didn't accomplish much. I should be posting this in my other blog, but heck, I'm just too lazy to do so. What for have so many blogs. My other blog is probably bound for the bin soon anyway.

//End rant

Time flies. In a matter of months I will be sitting for the the boss stage-A'levels. And then in another few more months I will be displaced from ordinary citizen life, ripped off my human rights and hauled to national service. There goes everything, and I mean everything. I'm quite fearful of the unknown. I fear that some things might be taken away from me. NS might rob me of my passion for music (or rather, virtuosic piano pieces to be more specific), it WILL turn me bald, (good to see how I may look like in my fifties when hair starts to drop due to gravity of age). Can't imagine. The minatory future is scary indeed.

I want to write more, but there's the limit my mind can go. I'm just way too fatigued.