Guillotine indeed

Just came back from chemistry paper 3. I started the paper with a serious handicap. I was this blur sotong who doesn't know his index number. So I assumed that the examination would be held the hall ( which is usually the case ). I didn't bother finding my classmates, so I just waited at the hall. When the examination started, I walked in the hall trying to find my class. It was certainly no easy feat with like everyone staring at their desk. I tried looking out for empty chairs and tables, there were not many and I'm sure my friends would wave at me if they saw me wandering along the rows and columns. Then I asked the teacher for directions. One dude pointed left to me, and another pointed right. So I literally combed the entire hall, without spotting a single of my classmates.

Was it the wrong day? the wrong paper. WRONG VENUE? The people in the hall were already starting the paper. oh cows, I would be lying if I said I didn't panic to a certain extent. So finally one kind soul manage to try to tell me that there wasn't only one venue. So I literally ran out of the hall. Thankfully, the school was peaceful and I could hear the sound of creaking tables and chairs two floors above. I looked up from the corridor. So everyone's upstairs!

So finally I manage to reach there about a minute or less after they started. Thankfully, there was "time lapse" in starting the papers. I sat down and perspiration was overwhelming me. The lemon barley in my hands was ineffectual in quenching my awkwardness. To a certain extent, I wonder why was it condensing so insanely that it damps my entire palm whenever I pick it up to drink. Then it had to induce wet spots on my question paper which aggravates the situation.

The first ten minutes was spent trying to calm myself down. And while wiping off trickling perspiration, wet palms and thirst inflicted throat, I managed to plot the graph of the first question. And blah blah blah. Time literally phase shifted. I finally realized I was not exactly doing a one and a half hour paper. It was, well, legally speaking. 1.5 hours, but the volume of questions certainly exceeds any logical sense of proportionality. It was fine, that's if you were steady and had every single chemical equation in the syllabus up your sleeve or thousand years of practice to back you up, but to someone who just memorized equations the morning before, certainly felt pressure swelling and finally erupting in pulses every few milliseconds. It was certainly a weird experience.

And the questions initially looked rather manageable. To think I couldn't do the Organic Deductive question (which is usually, kind of a free frag ) but this time round, due to some arcane reason I got stuck. And till now I don't even know where I got stuck. I wrote some random equations and I think I found 1 or 2 structural formulas. The rest were graffiti. Seriously, so not good. Ten marks down the drain. Flush!

Some questions seem fine, but a majority owned me. I mean, I wasn't very stable in chemistry in the first place. Right now, coupled with the assault of time, and the pressure of starting the examination in a chaotic manner is certainly going to wreck havoc. (in my marks too).

Thankfully it's just paper 3. (which is less than 50% of the entire subject). I still have 1,2 to work for. But I find myself demoralized. It seems to me like the message is clear, I can't read and pass, let alone do well. Perhaps I need thousand years of practice under my sleeve or it's equivalent.

Disappointments, yes, I couldn't do the organic deductive. The rest was okay, but I was seriously banging on that 10 marks to pass this paper. Without that, passing isn't really possible.

Tomorrow is Math. Yes, the dreaded 3 hour torture session. I have to admit I lost some will to study. I have contemplated just rotting today and tomorrow morning away and just die for the paper. Am I that weak willed? I start to doubt my last minute "ability". Was it all along like this? Or did they just level the playing field up. I wonder.