The root

Today and yesterday passed really swiftly. Indulging in little meaningless matters. Reading manga has been one of the greatest time waster of all. Prince of tennis, is definitely a good read And again, I must stress that Prince of Tennis is an absolutely must read, whether one is a tennis fan or not. The tennis moves are really chimerical (and that can be a plus, or minus point), characters are well developed and even through manga, you can feel every character's emotions, personality, and devotion.

Though these few days have been dedicated to woolgathering and major time wasting activities (which include, Dota, Manga-reading, mindless walking around along the corridor), I have been thinking deeply into several issues. I have been in awe, and atonished because the first time in my life is realise what my favourite colour is, guess what? Grey. Grey is my fav colour, I just noticed it.

This brings us back to the root question, "how do people normally know what is their fav colour", is it something that they have decided, or is it the colour appeals to them somehow. For me, I have not experienced the feeling of being "electrified mystically" by colors. But why is it they can make a decision, yet not knowing why they like the color? is it because they are (like I said), just naturally attracted to the colour? And why of all colours (if all colours have equal appeal). Don't people question themselves why is that one colour their favourite colour? Or are such unorthodox questions not favourable amongst the shallow?

Colors are everywhere, we shouldn't neglect them. And for once, I decided to embark on a mission to be observant. It's time I consciously pay attention to colors. Because more often than not, colors appeal to our subconscious inner being, but do we even take time to pause and notice it's hue, it's shade? More often than not, no. In this hasty busy life, where have art gone to? where has appreciation of the most basic things gone to? All vanished, all effaced, along with all the distractions.

Grey. It is probably rare to find someone that will like the color grey. Ive noticed that grey is a strike of balance. A point of equipoise between black and white. Grey, to me, is a colour of compromise. If black and white (opposing personalities) would to clash, Grey, is a colour that will signify the coexsitance of black and white. Grey, has alot of meaning to it, but why is it that more often than not, Grey is put in a negative context. Is it the mood that it gives? Or is it simply the biasness of human perspective. Why is it that grey is always associated with something bad, a bad premonition (grey clouds..), or negative aspects. Can't we do some reflection. Why have human biasness, have been extented into the realm of colors. Aren't putting tags on people bad enough, even colors are not spared. Grey may be dull, but there is certainly beauty within grey, and that amplifies the definition of beauty.

Colours can be paradoxical. For example, Green a mixture of Blue and yellow. Imagine if you can, Blue represents the cooling seas, while Yellow symbolises warmth. Green, is a contradictory color as well as a balance point between cool and warmth. Perhaps that is why green is choosen for a color for nature. Now, does equilibrium (no matter in what aspect), depict peace and vice versa? I am more inclined to agree.

It makes me wonder "are all colors equal?". I believe so, and again, human perspective makes everything unequal.

I don't know why am I going on this long, uncalled for journey to elaborate every single detail on colours which I have been silently discussing with myself. It's something so arcane, I still don't get it. I think, sometimes, we should relax, catch our breath, and then appreciate the things around us. For example, what would this world be like without colors?

And again, this boils down to the ulimate question. Perhaps I become more sensitive to colours because I have been reading black and white MANGA!!!

It has brought me to a point that colour is a presence, and not an absence. People usually treat the lack of colour has anabsence of colour, we take colours for granted and we should not. Colours are a presence.

And for simplicty's sake, I shall not go on.

It's getting pretty late. 11:30pm now, to me, is a shocking time to be awake. Ive been sleeping astonishingly early and waking up early as well. Im getting used to it and I like the great energy bursts in the morning which give me a great start for my day. I shall forsake my life of an owl. I finally acknowledge the truth after many years of denial, night is for sleeping. (not stalking)

And again, I found the root of my problem. that issue. Sometimes, recovery have to be done the right time, with the right methods. It's not about forgetting, it's not about letting go, it's about losing the feelings, and that is where the crux of the problem lies.

Enlightened. I will not waver anymore.

From here on I will focus on unfinished tasks, my unfinished and incomplete battle against Alevels. It is a shocking discovery that next year is my last year of basic education. All these 11 years, all boils down to this moment, (well comparitively, a ratio of 1:11 is what we have here), 1 year to decide all. I will not allow this to be a coin tossing experiment. I will not allow myself plunge in mid air without a parachute. Perhaps, I should finally unlesh the potential within me. I must abandon the lazy nature, and forsake the demon of procastination.

Whatever it'll be, it's never good to underestimate. I don't think Alevels is going to be tough, but still, I think it's safer if I did my examinations with my eyes opened. After it's the last, the last lap. (and who lied about it being the last lap during olevels period last year). Period, and then it's time to decide what I want to do next time. I can do anything actually, anything that I like. But I know what I do must be of relevant interest to me.

What I need to do, is to pretend Im stupid. Pretend I need a whole load of effort to make it somewhere, and that is the only way Im going to succeed. If I rely on myself, and last minute wits and adrenaline rushes, I may screw up. Yes, from today onwards, I will be stupid. I will pretend I am. And I shall pretend that I need to work hard. And that is when the fruits of the labour will be seen soon. I hope. Complacency has almost ruined me.

It's been a long post, but my fingers are unwilling to stop talking. What I am saying here, is totally raw, unprocessed thoughts. And before my fingers die of exhaustion (mind you, my finger doesn't have a mind but it's thinking on it's own! seriously)....[and that brings me to something I have in mind, which I will not say now because....i will make this post too lengthy and I would like to nicely balance and spread out content amongst postes].

Good night to whoever may be reading this and thank you for surviving this long post, (if you seriously took the time to read till here). Even my fingers are sleepy and because I am a nice boss and I realise my fingers are fatigued from working severely overtime. Good night.