Reverting back to normal life

13 weeks. that was fast.

now i know, not to trust people too much.

believing in people brings about such fate. blame myself. God send so many people to warn me, yet I didn't heed these advices. I went ahead and this is the consequences I reap today. But whether it is a blessing in disguise, I have not move on far enough to realize. Learn tons of things from this experience.

Afterall this will be a mere experience. Nothing but an experience. perhaps when I look back next time I would probably just laugh at myself for being stupid. Was it a big mistake? I don't know. But at least I get to experience what people say it's "love". though puppy in nature, but when 2 people really did love each other, no matter how short the time was, it is something that people can't miss.

It is better to have loved and lost rather than to have never loved before. (or something along this lines).

But I know if we hang on, there will be hundreds and thousands of problems waiting for us. The future doesn't look bright. Infact, it is soo gloomy that it is disturbing that it exerts pressure and burden on it. Perhaps Ive always wanted this termination, but I didn't have the courage to do it. I can't believe I let matters of the heart cloud my judgement.

But now I felt like Ive done the right thing. Though sad it might be, I can't bear reflecting on memories. The emotional attachment that detaches suddenly is the one that kills. But i don't blame you for it.

what was i doing? i knew something like this was gonna happen, but i deluded myself. my fear actually did materialise.

but anyway burden's off. my emotions now are a complex solutions of different feelings. sadness yes. mild anger? regret? (though not remorse), happiness, lightness? (yet heaviness sometimes). Moving on is what I need. Though I do not think I will be able to cherish our memories just yet.

waking up is the worst feeling ever.

though sad it might be, i am determined to revert back to normal life. before all this i knew no sadness. carefree and happy, what bothered me? nothing. but you had to walk into my life. unfortunately or fortunately, i don't know.

All i know now is that there's this transition period here I have to face. sweetest memories are the one that would haunt and hurt the most.

All this now become a scar, but through this scar I will grow up. But in the future, I will find it hard to trust girls. Feelings do fade, but did here and there. But eventually one has to learn of commitment to carry on. If this matter is not solved, I will seriously pray hard for your future boyfriend.

But today I am here being able to take this in stride. I mean, I am not going to be weak anymore. You said I was strong. Yes I am. And Im not going to cry.

I think after this period emoness will never find me anymore. I will be back to happy happy me.

What Ive said here is an accurate reflection on what I feel. Painful feelings and sadness, I do feel them inevitably but there is also happiness and sense of relief.

It won't be instant moving on or getting over, but gradually. Time heals and I believe that.

And I do believe in this analogy. when two people engage in a fight. it is more painful to be punched but in the end is the aggresor that suffers more. though physically pain (and emotional in this case), the person who got punched will definitely be at ease because he knows no wrong. there's no need to pity myself.

I realised faithfulness is not just an attribute or prerequisite to relationships, It is a gift and I am blessed with it. I am a fool to think that everyone should be like me.

When, they're obviously not!