Emoness

Shoot me.

I skipped school.

Emoing around again.

Horrible time last night. can't control my anger, ended up yelling at you again. You fell asleep. I banged the wall. Was it my fault? Or was it yours? I could only vaguely remember, that I was feeling stranded on my bed, 2am in the morning, without a single soul to company me. Only the sound of you breathing, but you were asleep.No matter how much I screamed, you wouldn't wake up. Was it my fault? Am I making a big fuss out of nothing?

Till now, you're at school. Im at home, waiting for your call. The sadness have dissociated but it has simply become dilute over time. The amount of sadness remains, just that time, like water, dilutes it. Im okay. Im fine. I thought.

Why do we fight in the night and wake up pretending nothing as happened...

Why do we fight and resolve nothing in the end?

Hiding..Hiding..Hiding.

I felt hunger for company. No one picked their phones. It's understandable, 2am in the morning. No one would. I was lying there, like a zombie, hearing you breathing away in deep sleep. Thinking to myself, " i shouldn't have made a big fuss over something small ". And once again, Ive blown matters big.

3:30am. I was already at terminal emoness. I comtemplated doing alot of silly things. I think life is too tough, I feel I cannot go on. The loneliness was killing me.

Was it the coffee? or was it the anger that was keeping me distinctively awake. Time nulified anger after awhile, converted it into sadness. I pulled my hair in frustration. Screaming "there's a dagger in my heart".

Why do I wake up thinking, " i was being stupid and nothing really happened but me hallucinating".

I called my brother up. He talked to me. Though short, he was half alseep. The words, of another human being consoled me to a very large extent.

4:30am, I fell asleep.

5:00am, you called me. You sounded so sleepy and muffled i coudlm't make out what you were saying. but i know didn't say much. I was sleepy too.

You said you would message me in school.

You didn't.

And now, Im still waiting.

Ive not been nice. I know. But you too.