Too late

I can't believe it's so late now! I had a long chat with my dad and it was really 'meaningful'. meaningful seems to be his favourite word now. but when everything is meaningful, meaningful loses it's meaning!

Ah well. I just have to take that step forward or back. it's either one of them. i don't like remaining where I am. Sometimes it strikes me so hard that I don't really have to talk about anything to find direction because there is only one choice to make. what I have to do is already known to me ages ago but have been kept cached, embedded and sealed in a hatch ever since day one. there is unwillingness to follow what I know to be for the greater good for myself.

It's really late! 2AM in the morning. I really doubt I can wake up before noon tomorrow.

Nightmares are scary. And nightmares certainly are disturbing when they reflects real life. Something bad possibly happening to an ordinary life. Sometimes, the more ordinary the dream, the more disturbing it is. I remember falling in love with complete strangers in my dreams and waking up still having that bittersweet ache in my heart when I can't even remember what the other person looks like (or do I even know in the first place). I remember dreaming about my O'level grades two years ago. I remember a dream about a bicycle and me like some 7 years ago which was rather traumatizing. I suppose most of you out here would have dream our own version of hell somewhat in the realms of lalaland. I wonder..sometimes. If I could somehow play the piano in my dreams every night I would have twice my skill right now. (okay fat hope). But on a more serious note, I really don't like dreams. I don't remember sweet dreams, but only nightmares.

People. Strange. Weird. I really find relationships strange. People get to know each other, understand each other just to understand that that's the furthest they can go. How far can you know a person. To understand the person. If you understand another person fully does that mean you can completely switch to become the other person if you wanted to. Everyone works on some internal programming, that If ELSE thing applies. Everyone has their coding in them. It just how we understand them. Caesium will explode in water. That's how we predict people's reactions too don't we. However, character is rather kinetic. They move, they change and that is the challenge. Is trying to understand other people judging. I don't know. But I usually get more repelled rather than attracted.

But no man is an island. Even if we would to be, we would have to interact with the waters. (cheesy one, I know). Because everybody craves for emotional drama. We will make mountains of molehills and if there are no molehills we would built them. We make problems for ourselves to solve somewhat sometimes, we are all guilty of doing that. Sometimes, self-pity feels good, and that's the foundation of all emo-thoughts, emo-behavior. Why do we crave for emotional drama? I don't know. Sometimes, when all is going jolly and happy we want to feel sad. Why is that so.

Not many things can survive relativity. Let alone people.