I find myself unable to just coax myself into sleep. I slept this afternoon. I felt terrible. An insane vertigo struck me, the sense of needing sleep, yet the disability to fall into sleep the moment of contact with the bed is so distinct and it sucks! I totally hate it when my body betrays me.
I am abandoning the path of virtuosic-wannabe. I am trying to learn to appreciate difficulty in simplicity. Liebestraum is really beautiful. (It means, a dream of love, in German). Chopin's Nocturne number 2 is also really another gem. I actually felt super refreshed after playing these. For once, I don't let my fingers do the work, I let my heart do the work. Really, I finally found some joy in learning these relatively slow expressive pieces. Etudes or whatever will have to wait. (again). I feel renewed. I am one a quest to expand my repertoire with relatively easier pieces!
I love switching off all the lights, and then listening to music while lying on my mattress staring at the ceiling fan. It helps when there's a ghostly wind. Nocturnes resonate pretty well with the ambiance.
A midst the conducive environment for a myriad of introspective thoughts, I see a blank picture of nothing. There IS happiness in sadness. And sadness in happiness.
Franz Schubert said this "No one feels another's grief, no one understands another's joy. People imagine they can reach one another. In reality they only pass each other by. "
I don't know how and why but I seem to question sympathy and empathy more nowadays.
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