A request to time

Somehow it feels good knowing that somethings are gone for good (i.e geography). The first two days of hellish 5-6 hours of paper a day are over! A'levels kicked off at presto, now it's allegro, or maybe it will hit largo very soon. The tension is easing somewhat, for I know that the most horrible part of this two week endeavor is gone. Forever. No commentary on papers. It is for one's own sake to not review any paper after it's done, no use wondering if you spilled any milk or cry if it had been spilled. Some papers were moderate, some were unfavorable and some were favorable. It just boils down to where the mean will be.

Today is a break day. Tomorrow is chemistry paper 3 and after this week, most of the exam has ended except Science paper 1s and 2s (amounts to about 4 papers spread out in one week and a few days).

I feel fatigued. Overwhelmingly fatigued. I had to suddenly adjust to this weird time of waking up at insane hours. Suddenly, waking up at 7am (already one hour later than the average candidate), somewhat feels so foreign. The overwhelming fatigue was so palpable and vertigo was all in play. Wrecking every bit of concentration. Of course, I struggled to get to school, in fact, staggered. Red Bull, somewhat is my best friend.

I can't wait for it to end. For when it ends, I will have to take a short hiatus from any work. Any form of straining activities. For the mind is friable, I will have to be wary of going mad (maybe I already am). I will rest, for a couple of hours (preferably one day) and then I will embark on everything I want to play on the previous post. I have realized I cannot tolerate a life without aim. Even in the most seemingly nomadic holidays, I have found myself wandering around with an aim actually. Everything will halt once I enlist, there seem to be no point, but I cannot bear a life without purposes.

Initially I thought I would miss studying. Miss the science and math I'm studying. But I am at the saturation point where I would do anything to let go of it all now. Whenever I stare at my GP notes, geog notes, there is this tickling sensation. The urge to burn, haul or toss it to some other galaxy. there is some satisfaction when I look at a piece of paper on plate tectonics and then I crush it for somewhat of a cheap thrill. It's has always been like this. A'levels is just augmented O'levels. Advanced, as people may call it.

Just when I thought I wanted to study after A'levels. Something perhaps. But not anything I am studying right now. I want to read up on music history, I want to buy some Liszt books and read on his ever so complex history with the Schumann. I want to play Dota (yes, a nostalgic urge there is, and it is growing evident day by day). I want to dye my hair (somewhat, as a mark of completion of A'levels). I've been talking about it since O'levels and never had gotten down to it. But my resolution always plummets when faced with the coercion of my parents.

Come on, faster faster. Time, surprise me with how fast you might move.