Thursday, November 13, 2008

Deeper than I thought

I'm sinking into the post examination mood so deep that I can't turn back now. I am brimming with energy, but only energy for playing. To hell with MCQ, I'll ride on that base probability and do my best (not from now, but only for that one hour). It's only 2 hours and 15 minutes of hall time left. Let's serve our time, and let out of all this!

I'm going to Japan for a holiday, on some date (can't remember). I am so not looking forward to it. Japan is a not very pleasant place (according to memories). Granted, Naruto, Bleach, Nodame are surely good stuff from Japan, but I don't think Japan can match Europe in holiday experience. I just get this feeling that it will be a lackluster experience. Not to mention, it's one week plus. Eeeks, I rather be at home doing my own stuff. But it's alright, it's one last trip before I'll be in 'prison' for the next two years. It's okay, I'll be fine. I'll play along pretending I'm enjoying myself.

Since some people have posted dedications/memoirs of Junior College life. I will probably do mine now. Can't wait for that 18th Nov to arrive.

Note:not much of a dedication, I am actually quite afraid it might turn out to be a rant.

Most people say, " JC life is very short ", to me, it was well, seemingly perpetual. In terms of survivability, it was way better than secondary school whereby my neck was constantly threatened by walking monsters at every corridor. JC life surpasses Sec School life in thousand of ways, namely, there are no monsters waiting to pounce once you reveal that shine of that tiny metallic gadget from your bag or pocket. OH wow, you can actually wave your handphone at teachers, you can actually SMS in class discretely, you can actually PLAY psp during lectures. Now that is a good step up, but not enough.

I don't have much school experience because I skip most lectures, I skip many days of school. If somehow you killed one strand of hair for everyday I skipped, I'll be bald right now. You get the idea. CCA experience was a horrible experience. Mainly because at JC level/A Division, there's nothing much to compete. The whole system has been ruined by the oh so wonderful DSA back door system. Yes, face that RJC's horde of Mewtwos, Lugias or their equivalents. I could not adapt to much of the culture my school has to offer. I was mostly an introvert by choice. It was inevitably inexorable.

Throughout this two years, enemies I made more than friends. Enemies in surfeit, and only a modicum of friends. If one finger represented a friend, I cannot even pull a Fleming's left hand rule off. That is how blessed my life is. I have many acquaintances, friends who pretend to laugh at my jokes at class. It was a good show we put up, bravo! Thank you for that. There were people who helped in many ways, somehow or another despite me giving the cold shoulder to the class. I realized (or I should have known), I turned up for a grand total of zero times to class outings. I was at the back wondering why people even bother organizing such outings. Only once I was coerced to do some CIP with the class. There were times when I studied with people from my class, there were the night study times. (all recently). There were people whom I got along with, as surface friends. I never bothered letting people know the real me. At school, a mask I put on because I know this is where the temporal exists. These two years that passed by, is just a vessel of the temporal.

Why treasure bonding in the temporal? People who blindly place faith and believe in class bonding, superficial friendships will hit a point where they realize that all is over. And all they get is a piece of memories to sob to. Memories, yes, overrated, highly overrated.A slice of memory is like a slice of pizza. Sizzling hot at first, then gradually but exponentially, it gets cold, it gets rotten, it decomposes, it disintegrates and then viola, you get nothing left! The taste changes over time, and the most we can do is to microwave it. Thus, They can be altered by our perception and if we try hard enough, it can be modified very drastically. Why forge memories when you can do it the easy way. Savoring memories is something that I am maladroit at, though I can sometimes be guilty of wallowing in past regrets, but I still find it more productive to look forward.

Back to the point, enemies yes. For every friend that I find no purpose in I do not mind making an enemy out of that person. Not intentionally, but I am naturally very pugnacious. I am trouble seeking. If I cannot see eye to eye with a person, it will be the first to know.

Perhaps from the start I did not see value in time in JC. All I knew was that time in school is time in school and outside the gates of school is where my life begins. I never liked involving myself in any school activities. Granted, there are quite a handful of nice people in this college, whom probably, if I was a more friendly person, would reach out to and make friends with. However, I'd say these people remain as hi-bye friends. It takes a person more than being nice to come close to me. Like I said, outside, I'm an introvert and I transcend beyond that in the proximity of the college.

Life in school is really boring, primarily because I am in conscious coma once I'm inside. I'm known to be a joker, to be the coldest of all. To be the one sprouting intelligent cold jokes, but all that is a facade. Without employment of such tactics, life in school was going to be so boring that I would end up skipping every single lesson. Still, I slept most lectures.

I should have said earlier that there were not going to be much of dedications. After all, everyone is on an equal plane, equally neutral or equally detestable. I dislike a lot people, I have to admit. Teachers are surprisingly nice, I have to admit. Mr Wong, who is actually being bullied quite a lot in class, or called names everywhere, is somehow the nicest teacher I had in JC. Mr Lee, who gave me free CIP hours, wins honorable mention

After all, it was just a slightly better secondary school experience. But there is an irking feeling that private candidate suits me better. After all, as someone said, " Colleges are places where pebbles are polished and diamonds dimmed". I am probably the latter.

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