4.67/5

Looking at that 4.67/5 makes me a little desperate. It's like looking at a 99% downloaded video file that you really can't wait to watch but it would not budge a single bit. Not even that one percent. It is vexing surely, but I am taking things slow and easy.

A maelstrom of events happened yesterday. My mood was again, terrible. I have no clue why. The movie at YF movie night was one of the better ones I've watched in sometime. I still cannot figure out why we are able to get tensed, get excited over something that was bound to happen. From an audience point of view the film was highly predictable, but yet it was quite exciting. I have not much comments about it, though I did enjoy myself quite a bit.

Suddenly I feel I ought to be studying. But for once, I feel like going out today, but I always get that " hey wait there, exams not over" feeling. Yes, precisely. I can slack not but play. I can levitate as much as I want, but not fly yet for the chains have not unlocked itself. Guilt still has it's major role to play. Not like I'm going to study.

My mood has been really fluctuating. I cannot sit down and go for that two hours non stop practice anymore. I feel like I need more than just shear inspiration to get me seated. Suddenly, I get this impulse of why am I doing all these. La Campenella, Chopin Ballade, I don't really have to play them. It ain't life and death. But then, once I start digging into it enough, I am faced with one ugly truth.

I feel very fatigued these days. I haven't got that recovery sleep that spans one whole day. I am still having debts pilled over from one month ago. I need that sleep. or maybe that clarity of mind. I dread going for a holiday because I know the things I am going to miss. Suddenly, I feel an evident unbridgeable gap with the real world. A gap which has been always there, a depletion region. What's more I was the main culprit stubborn and stiff. I have been trying hard, but yet it was all reverse bias.

I know that sounded cheesy. But putting that forward voltage into my life is very unthinkable. I am shutting down all doors, and very soon the windows too. I will only have my own air to survive in. I don't exactly like that, but this is the path that I am bound for-the halcyon days.

I am uncomfortable, uneasy right now. It is like a transition state into no where. Maybe it's the feeling of suddenly having no examinations, and then the natural urge to feel obliged to get a social life back, but yet, I resist it because it is detestable to me. I'm losing interest in many things. Maybe I just realized I'm not exactly the nice person I thought I was. After all, Selfish people should not be in the crowd.

My life is like surfing the net without a monitor. I feel as blind as the three blind mice combined.