a whole new level

I am totally burned out as I type this. Ridiculous orders have been passed down to shift our bunk upstairs. What greeted us was nothing but a total mess. the total effective dust collected could fill half a bin and the water from washing dirt covered fans could actually turn the floor black. that was the extent of our trauma. dirty cupboards and power sockets which do not work, and best of all, the 6 flight of stairs we have to overcome just to get back to where we sleep is totally killing us. I keep telling myself, there's no choice. suck it up.

Last night was the first night spent in this new bunk. Have to admit that it's more spacious, but more space means more works because more fans, more cupboards and everything. we spent like almost more than 5 hours of work. shifting our original cupboards, mattresses, belongings, field packs and all up. the cleaning took almost a few hours plus a few other hours from the few days before. terror. terror.

the whole company is shifting. the whole corridor is chaotic. we have a whole new (or not so new) toilet to clean, and we actually go to our original toilet (2 floors down) just to have a shower. ridiculous.

Aside from all that misc shifting work plus area cleaning plus climbing up and down stairs plus shifting of heavy stuff, we have to attend our advanced close combat. thankfully lessons are relatively short, there are much lesser techniques than the earlier intermediate level, and the techniques somehow (contradictorily) seem easier. but it's more or less throwing somebody when people try to knife you, or when people are armed with weapons and disarming them. it's pretty lame considering you have to dodge their hit first before you can do anything.

Sucking thumb. it's not easy. it's a skill we all learn eventually. some people resist initially, some people release the heat by venting. some people swallow it silently. army is the best place to learn to suck it up. I've seen a lot patterns of how people handle suck thumb situations. because this just teaches us that life doesn't always go the way we want it to. furthermore, we don't always have to be in army to suck thumb. life does a lot of weird things to us. unpredictable, sudden, cruel even. we may have lived our lives unscathed for 20 whole years or more, but this doesn't guarantee that life is actually smooth sailing. people say enjoy life, but i choose to believe life is more of enduring than enjoying.

Again it brings us back to the question, what is worth fighting for and what is not. if we become too good at sucking thumb, we become slaves of the situation. for example, the stronger you are in ignoring somebody hurling insults at you, you may seem weak. (or you may be arguably weak). this is another grey area. where the line between good and bad, strong and weak gets blurred. somebody picks on you, insults you but you choose not to insult back for the sake of peace. you suck it up. you absorb the damage for the sake of being a happier person (effectively, this may seem as the most practical and harmless way). in such a situation, is sucking it up the right thing to do? What battles are worth fighting for?

My life is now the intercept of many issues. many issues which I have never encountered before living in the same bunk as 12 men, having to deal with the system and regulars who dominate anything within the camp gates. Pride, friendship, brotherhood, fairness, controversy, hatred, peace, and sucking thumb of all things.

What a wonderful experience.