I don't know anymore

Maybe it's time to sleep. but...

I realize I have three weeks more, exactly. And worst still, they have to be so nice to enlist me just before everyone goes for March Holidays. Yes, the moment whereby all of you will rejoice and celebrate your upcoming one week of freedom will be the moment I begin my enslavement for two years. I am only able to console myself that it is far worst to have enjoyed one week of "playing" and to go in right after that. I shall bite the bullet. I feel more mentally prepared already, and time does help.

Today I started watching a new show. It was to curb my cold turkey on Lost. A Japanese drama entitled "Absolute Boyfriend". Another one of the "fall in love with Robot" kind of plot. Pretty cheesy and the theme usually gets repeated in variations. Superficially, another funny, comedic type of plot, but deeper we will realize that human love is weak. (which is dramatically emphasized by " we can fall in love with electrical appliances that look like human). Sigh. I don't really want to comment much. My lifelessness has been accentuated by the fact that I just finished five episodes today and it was just like no time lost at all.

Sometimes, I wonder where things are going. The draconian impracticality of matters at hand makes it hard to commit to anything, big or small. The fog of the future does really blind, and there are no bearings to sail to. The fact that there is no future to look at makes it all surreal and at the same time, enchanting to a certain extent. No stress, no commitments and anything because there is not much of a future in my liberty nor the liberty of my future. The next two years is where I will probably change, whether I like it or not, for the good or the bad. However, I would say that life now is imbued with relaxation because the "live day by day" mindset makes it all easier. The situation whereby we usually cajole ourselves into believing that the freedom of choice is actually an affliction, rather than a privilege. There is no time, no choice or anything.

Tomorrow is Synod Camp, and I am looking forward to it. Following which, I have some time to clear up stuff. Finish my G flat major etude and Liebestraum. Hopefully play them for people. And also the other stuff which I promised to learn. And then off I go. No hopes, no future, no pride, no nothing. There goes everything including my hair. but wait, this is too early a moment to say my last words!

Embrace the ephemeral, the remaining of the halcyon days.