Resonance

Where did I last stop. Many days have gone by just like that. We're heading towards a gigantic ice berg, where the ship of socializing, fun, party and so on will crash into these huge obstacle. And then we're sink into that icy cold dimension which we usually refer to as "everyday life". I usually have this dramatization of how holidays will end and school will begin. This year, however, is one drastic change, where "routine" is procrastinated, and then, I will (ironically), be 'plagued" with loneliness and lack of activity again. The humdrum nature of life kicks in, and it will definitely take some adaptation to get used to it.

No school next year and even in the more distant future. School is water and I'm in a desert. I am caught up in all that socializing and partying that guilt and remorse is overwhelming me. Why do I feel as if my life is going to end soon? I always get that sickening feeling!

So much for direction. The future looks bleak, but I don't really care. After all, happiness or unhappiness is just a mere feeling, a feeling that is overrated. The concept of relativity is very applicable here. If happiness in life is one straight line it wouldn't be worth living, but only in the sinusoidal path of happiness it is possible for anything to become close to palpable. Excitement is the derivative of feelings and if you differentiate emotions you get thrill. (think of it graphically) This is something which I've kept close in my mind for sometime.

I've always wanted to say that writing Christmas cards for a circle of friends suddenly weighed more negative than positive. Again, it might not be a pro-cons discussion but I am inclined to believe that on a whole, on a macro-scale, it does more damage than good. It is a time where people evaluate their circle of friends and really sit down to see who they prefer. Trust me, if you write cards you will know. It is a time where you put everyone on that large gigantic judgment scale whether you like it or not. You tend to write more for people you prefer, write more with people you can click with. For people whom you find no affinity with, you might not even feel like writing a card. I finally understand all of these, from a sender's perspective and the receiving end as well. the plague of the human mind is relativity really.

There will be a series of events which will follow along the closure of this year. Omega night, new year stay over and there's a birthday party these evening. From my perspective I think this is the last ever long holiday I am going to experience. But I have to say I am not exactly enjoying myself. Naturally, people who are narrow minded (like me), tend to think more. (trust me, the only way to dig deeper is to dig straight for very obvious trigonometrical reasons!), I like to think in one direction very intensively. I tend to indulge in introspection and unhappiness, sometimes I wallow in self pity. I'm an intellectual emo. (putting it bluntly). And perhaps this will never change because I'm like this. But still, I yearn to be emotional stable. But somehow I start to feel things resonating.