Forcefully

The days pass by swiftly. A bad sign for the timer is ticking and time is leaking from the palm of my hands. What is left but an increasingly increasing reluctance. Most things I treasure will be void and most things left will be effaced. Sadly enough, this is the affliction of every Singaporean Male on this planet. I dread, I abhor the thought of what is going to happen to me. Talk about comfort zone.

On a 'happier' note, tomorrow is Sentosa. A place I'd rather not go. But there's a post camp outing so I have to drag my feet. Maybe it will be fun. Keyword? Maybe. Or rather, it will be fun. (attempt to psycho myself). It's dying down and I feel it. Obligation takes over everything, and I find myself suspended between two forces.

Well, there's nothing much to do at home either. Like I said, suspension was never a pleasant feeling. I may not be stationary but I am certainly not getting anywhere. (talk about oscillating to and fro). Perhaps. yes perhaps. But very soon I should find some direction. I am feeling remorseful for not practicing the piano. Granted, I did about 1 or 2 hours here and there but that is certainly negligible. There will be no improvement in playing for merely 2 hours. There will be, in years to come, but for someone who is impatient. 4 hours is the bare minimum.

Franz Liszt said this. " Stop playing for one day, I notice. For two days, my wife notices and for three, the audience notices ". It's very applicable. And I think I haven't been really playing for about 2 weeks since I went overseas on a holiday. After all, like I said, what I have will be null and whatever remains will also be null. The future is bleak.

For the field of force is strong I have lost some motivation and inspiration to stagger on. Wavering determination and bad concentration.