I need to cheer myself up. Finding myself very suicidal nowadays. Why am I being such a hypocrite. I tell my brother, "attempt things within your reach", and I go off doing the opposite, and being so stubborn about it. How many nights have I tossed and turned thinking about how it will actually turn out to be.
Why do I feel as if I will be such a loser if I can't play that Chopin Etude. 10-4 is not an easy piece, in fact, it is spammed with technical difficulties, (to the extent that the piece can be performed as a replacement for scales in a diploma exam), extremely fast paced, requires lightning fingers, crazy leaps of all many others. Certainly not very much in my radar yet. But I am ambitious, I am insane and drunk. But wait, I don't approach it with a very healthy or happy go lucky attitude. I can go angry, frustrated and at moments, I get extremely hurt. I've halted moonlight, given up on winter wind and some others. (which are all pieces of insanity), and now what, I am going to attempt another one just to give up on it?
Where's my fighting spirit? And most importantly, why am I NOT contented.
I banged the keys, I slapped myself. I think I'm going crazy. I feel as if my whole world is collapsing, just because I missed one note on a descending arpeggio.
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