Does it even matter anymore

I know it very well. You're still in my heart, just that I choose not to think about you. I choose to believe I don't love you anymore. After all, it's been close to 2 months. Excess of time, sure. But I still wake up sometimes wondering how it all turned out like this. When we were together, you made me feel so secure. the way you hugged me, held me, felt as if you needed me so much. as if your world was going to fall apart without me. And that's it, you left, for your own reasons. When I recall those moments, I start to wonder how you're doing. Do you still think of me? Do you forget people that easily?

On a daily basis, I don't really think of you anymore. You're not part of my life anymore. I've been busy anyway, just trying to survive, just trying to not get into trouble. My life is hectic enough. But yet, I still time to think. I just don't want to forget you so soon. Because I know, if I control myself well enough, I won't even think of you anymore. I won't even try to call you anymore, and I won't ever see you again. If that's what you want, than maybe I should try.

Sometimes. I start to think, was it really love? Did I really love you? I don't know. I think I did. I must have did. If not I won't be missing you until now. I can hardly remember your facial expressions nor the way you hugged me. But I can remember the places we visited, I can remember things that you say. But you seem to have changed. the way things are going, I'm really going to forget you. I don't want that.

I don't understand so many things anymore. But I somehow feel that if we go out sometime later the sparks will fly again. At least for me, I don't know about you. Maybe you have completely moved on. Maybe you work differently from me or maybe I work differently from the rest of the world. i know we've hurt each other. Do you think we have a chance? I feel like telling you that I think we do. I really think we do. 

Lying on my bunk bed at night, I used to feel so helpless. Now I feel perfectly fine. Day by day, things are changing slowly. I start to look forward to the new person that will enter my life. But I really really don't wanna forget you so soon.