This week. While the rest were on Exercise, we basically (those left behind) did nothing. Played chinese chess under air conditioned environments, played handheld games, but did quite an excess of guard duties by the night. We were mostly sleeping by the morning, playing around noon and duty again at night. That was the schedule for last week. But it still beats being trapped in the rain and carrying an excess of stores under the moonlight at some remote jungle in Singapore.
Schedule is going to be packed. for the whole next week it's close combat training (intermediate) and the following two weeks are parade rehearsals and (of course) actuals. Waking up early to travel one hour to another camp, rehearse for the whole day under the baking sun, return back to bunk way past bed time. deprivation of sleep, energy, and overexposure to sunlight, deprivation of nights out etc etc is so not good.
What's worst is that another exercise commences after the 2 week long parade saga. And that takes us to mid april already (my birthday!). the next four weeks is going to be really tough. I really do pray I have the strength to get through all that unscathed.
The occasion today is rather special. Today is enlistment day-cum-ORD day and of course being a second year soldier pretty much defines that I am stuck right in between the mid point between those oh so significant dates. At least I know what to expect for the next one year to come.
//end casual NS rant
Somethings, are better left forgotten. Sometimes, I wake up missing you. but then, it's been almost two months since I last saw you and about one week less than that when we separated. it's tough initially. it's getting better but I still get that occasional thunder shock in my heart. I know I am supposed to be rock resistant now, but it's not exactly the case. I don't yearn for you, I don't miss you terribly. but it is that occasional shadow of your smile and you hugging my waist that could send trembling down my spine. sometimes, I am in a daze when this happens to me. because there are so many things I want to tell you, but I somehow forget that you are not obliged or may not be interested to hear anymore. what's more, we have decided to leave each other's lives for good. I wonder if your wound have healed. I wonder if mine have healed. I wonder if we meet how will it be like. Actually, I don't want to know. I don't want to meet you, it is actually a very complex paradox in my heart right now.
But all I know is that I've had enough emotional trauma and drama. Recently I've discovered the existence of peace. If you don't eat you cannot have food poisoning. If you don't climb the cliff you cannot fall. If you don't love you cannot hurt. Prevention is better than cure. Thats what they all say.
Sometimes, I see my troubled bunk mate pace up and down the corridor discussing something important over the phone with such a distressed face. (probably a quarrel with his significant other). And that's when I look at him and in him I see a mirrored reflection of myself. When my friends are just winding down and settling into their cuddly beds just having the rest for the tomorrow-indulging in casual conversations, watching movies, playing games like there's no tomorrow. some of us choose to be bonded to bondage. to always have that special someone to call. that person's problem becomes your problem and both of your problems become your problem too.
I lay in bed missing you, thats true. But somehow, I really like the peace.
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