picking ourselves up

Life is full of blunders, full of mistakes and from that we should learn to pick ourselves up.

Incase you don't know what im talking about..I played 1st singles on ytd's game and I lost. Not horribly, but it was really a regretful game.

I didn't play on friday's game. And i nvr had a game where I had other pple's fates in my hands. (well in this case my team). monday was a very important game against TPJC and we should be winning them and pwning them. (we aimed for 4-1 victory). but we packed bags with a 0-5 thrashing.. Everyone was not themselves. including myself. according to coach, my opponent was nothing. but i died not to him, not to his strokes, not to his experience, but...to the atmosphere, the pressure.....

I thought my opponent was good enough to add additional pressure to my already "down and pale" mental state and he probably just wrecked havoc within me being a more experienced competition player.

Im beginning to hate singles.The feeling of being alone is really really yuckie and now it's creeping me.

Maybe im switching to doubles.

True, I was baffled. I was stunned. I was shocked. I was a zombified for yesterday. at night, i keep having "flashbacks" that weren't nice. but now i can say Ive gotten over it.

I lack experience.

Coach says he will work with me to overcome my "court fright" (yes it's something like stage fright)....

but at the same time. Me, Kuo Un and weizhong have decided to pia our best for next year's competition and work our very best to get our revenge next year. We WILL bring PJC to greater heights...this is the least I can do for disappointing our seniors this year.

Perhaps I was too worried about "intraschool politics" and stuff about being in the team or not, i didn't reflect on my own skills. even if I didn't lose on skill, the pressure numbed my senses and all my thoughts.

When im scared, I already lost half the battle. For no bloody reason.

I don't remember the score. the first game pretty quick and the 2nd game was a stalemate-ish one.

IF i just had the time to adjust....my mental. my strength.and control my emotions. I could have won. IF. i just had that 5 minutes, no....few more rallies and exchanges of time to settle down. I needed that time. I knew it. I was agitated. And in the more stupid mistakes (like lobbing 2cm wide or long)...the more frustrated I got and I threw my form away. literally.

Now I know.

Badminton is a mental sport. Especially singles. It's tough. both on the mind, and the body.

I don't want to talk about the rest of our team. It's saddening. The "debrief" was mainly a "regret session". Everyone coudln't perform up to our normal standards. We lost a easy kill. We tapped our point into the net. We let everyone down..TPJC wasn't very good. But they were good enough to be lucky enough for all of us to be so pressurized and down on morale that they can beat us flat.

Stress kills. The importance of this game probably sank deep into our hearts when the coach emphasized that and it grew thorns that created fear within ourselves...

We could take them.

But we let the chance slip by. But anyways. it's over and it's over.

Tmr against RJC. then friday against hwa chong. this is what you call " go to lose ".

We have next year though. Next year. things will be different

I put my pride on that....