food for thought

Yoz. My title not for eating okay?

Another 2 weeks and Im going to start living in a different world. A world of homework, studies...and exams. Posting is not out, but Im very certain I'll land myself in PJC. Oh, not a very good JC, but acceptable. Now, I wonder if Im ever going to find the drive to study.

My secondary school life was horrible. I hardly studied any thing and Im always asleep in class. Don't believe ask my friends. Im always like that. I succumb to laziness and the lack of discipline. In addition, Im like a super slacker. I play my saturday away and sunday will be left to copy homework. ( i don't even feel like actually doin the amath vlee set ). on free periods, if im not asleep im talking cock with glenn, or whoever else is near me. Thinking back, life was horrible. and now, gotta admit that I luv my life now. Thinking back, life in Bp felt so surreal but i think im better off not recalling. Ahh bad memories. Don't haunt me!!!

So for me, Ive not thought about what I wanna do in the future. If people ask me, I wud either say " i dunno? " or " don't work the best ". I know the 2nd one really makes me sound spoilt, and childish. I only thought how good it wud be if I had enough money not to work and like splurge all I wan but I don't think thats kinda possible since I have three brothers. And all of us are like leeching our dad's money like shit..

I don't even know what I can do best? Or rather, I can do anything which I put my heart into. Everything is the same to me. If i got the interest, better. If i don't, I better not touch it. But I don't even have interest in any of the subjects which Im studying. All of them are like so dry, so boring..so hopeless.

I really wonder....What are my strenght and weaknesses?

Ive been thinking lately. I think I learn and grasp things slowly. For example, when I tried bowling for the first time, I suck so badly I feel very disappointed with myself. Compared with normal people....I suck alot when I first start in things. Im always slower than normal people when it comes to grabbing things for first times.

but when i feel the fire in me. Like the passion, my learning ability accelerates once I get the hang of it. I realized some people are fast at learning things at the beginning, they are fast developers, but find themselves stagnant after sometime..

One thing Im sure, I learn things slowly...or at least. When im doin a thing for the first few times, or maybe even for the first week weeks/months, im certain to suck at it..Let it be badminton, bowling, tennis, poool. And this is why I don't like to try new things. Ive rejected new things all the while until I realized how important such activites are to social life...but still, I suck at pool and bowling really badly...

Or maybe I just don't have the patience to learn new things.

I am not in peace with myself. Whenever I pick a tennis racket up, and get on a court. I feel really sad with myself. When i hit the ball, I can't hit any thing with an accuracy. I feel helpless just because im holding a racket..., and while im holding a racket, i actually subconsciously have high expectations of myself. It's like, in badminton, I have absolute control over where I want to place the ball. I can do everything, I can do magic, I can do wonders, and I can feel the shuttle well. But in contrast, I feel like a baby drowning in water whenever Im holding a tennis racket, and playing tennis...Nooo control at all...

I can't help but start comparing, and land myself in destruction. Maybe that is why people say you can't play more than 1 racket sports. Strokes overlap....mentality has to be adjusted etc. It's not easy. Sometimes, the frustration is killing me. I hate doing things which Im not familair with, Im not open and I don't like to try new things.

All...all I can do is to stick within my comfort zone...playing and doing the things which Im best at.

Ive vowed never to go bowling or pool again. Just because I hate feeling noob. I hate trying and learning to adapt to new things. Im weird, and I just hate that...

I know hate has been used many times in this post. Forgive me, this is a struggle within me. Will I ever be able to accept doing things Im not good at? In the past, I use to have a mentality that "things you aren't good at aren't worth your time". Now, im kinda doubting it.

People normally tell me, in everything, everyone will be once a noob. and you gotta start small. You gotta have patience to progress...but I lack patience. What can I do?

When im learning things, I always go for shortcuts. I always find very quick ways to improve, and perhaps I have too high expectations for myself. trust me, I have a competitive nature and I don't like losing..

Wow, this is such a self analytical post.

the bottom line is...
I gotta learn how to learn things...

Many pple have said, " my learning attitude for things sux".
I wan to be good in a short period of time, and that's wrong?